#skfjksflds i dont even ??? capital P post anymore but jesus .coffy. u know??

[chasingfictions]

late s3 coffy is so crazy bc at first glance theyre like wow we are simply not going to let these girls interact after helpless because buffy is really busy with her other brunette shadow self right now but in fact cordy's whole pursuit of wesley is like.

okay you've been obsessed with a girl since she moved here three years ago and you wanted to be her best friend but she chose the freaks and weirdos over you. so you mock her for being a freak and a weirdo but in this way where you're always going out of your way to do it, and you always have this baseline awareness and jealousy of her, you are always trying to date the boys she dates, but it's just regular popular girl-weird girl antics right? it's just regular popular girl-weird girl she hates antics to go to her when you're afraid for your life, put your safety in her hands, and tell her i know you share this feeling we have for each other, deep down. and the week after that you become unwittingly aware of her secret identity and it makes sense to you so quickly, you enfold yourself into her world with such ease. but you're still not allowed to be friends with her. you start dating one of her weirdo freak friends though, and admit to yourself later on that you only dated him because of his link to buffy. you detach yourself from your popular girl friends and become totally ensconced in this girl's friend group, you're one of them now, you've thrown in your lot with her. but she still doesn't like you, and you don't like her, but not because you actually even necessarily dislike each other. i know you share this feeling we have for each other, deep down. but your personas are people who don't get along, because you're the popular girl and she's the weird girl. even though you're not popular anymore. even though you're just as weird as her now. even though she was popular too, at her old school. even though you hang out all the time. even though you're dating her best friend. you're still not friends, you're just people who can't stop insulting each other. and then her best friend cheats on you with the other best friend. and the girl tries to make amends with you, tries to tell you she can be there for you, that you're allowed to be friends, for real, you don't need the guise of dating her best friend for you guys to hang out. i know you share this feeling we have for each other, deep down. but you're so angry at her, because she's the reason you became weird in the first place, if she had never moved to town, you would never be like this, you would have everything you used to have, and she did all of this to you, and did it all without even liking you that much, and you didn't like her that much either, except you do, of course, and she likes you. but you guys can't say that to each other at the same time. there always has to be one of you pulling away. even though i know you share this feeling we have for each other, deep down.

and now you don't have a link to her anymore. you're not dating her friend. you've rejected her offer to be friends despite that. but you can't just ... not see each other. right? so you still hang around, to insult her, to trade barbs, to call her a freak, and even though you'll never gain back what you had before she made you lose it, it's okay, because she's still the weird one. not you. even though you still only talk to the weirdos. that's okay though. that's okay, because you still see her sometimes. i know you share this feeling we have for each other, deep down. and then when she's at her weakest, you're there for her, and you protect her, and she's always protected you, and now for one second, for the very first time, you are on equal footing.

and that doesn't mean you have a place in her life. you still don't see one for yourself. trying to be friends is too scary. and she has a whole new girl she's being antagonistic with now. but luckily, her new watcher moves to town just after this happens. so you attach yourself to him, so you can have a reason to stay in the girl's orbit. you're always around, but it's not about her. maybe it could be, but it's not, you just like her watcher, that's all. see, you're not even talking to her. you're just trying to form an emotional bond with the person who, as far as you know from the only other watcher she's ever had, is going to be a huge figure in her life from here on out. and you don't talk about it, but that's okay. because i know you share this feeling we have for each other, deep down.

and then you can't bear to stay in the town where she lives anymore but you also can't bear to not have anything to do with her so even though you don't talk anymore, you move to her hometown, and end up working side by side with her ex boyfriend and that same ex watcher and fighting demons just like she does, forever, for the rest of your life