#skunk in a funk

[spilladabalia]

The Doobie Brothers - Neal's Fandango

[punkskunkfunk]

26-Otaku Rolecall

[sisterbloomers]

Bring back Punk Skunk Funk my webcomic in 2023! So let me reintroduce the cast

You can read the series here!

[marshmallowdays]

underwater temple. underwater monk

[barrymccaulkinem]

ive been listening to Parliament Funkadelic, Rufus (w Chaka Khan), Herbie Hancock/ The Headhunters, Tower of Power

who do i need to be adding to this rotation?

[theinvisiblefountain]

#junk #art #paint #detail #monk #trunk #funk #skunk #kerplunk https://www.instagram.com/p/CjkteRqs0qc/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[ju-nebugg]

a complete (and ever-evolving) list of the many titles of mr. henley whispers

because Henry Shields is a genius and all of this deserves to be documented

Henley Whispers

aka the Turbulent Wind

aka the Storm Before the Calm

aka Lithe Spirit

aka Lord of the Prance

aka Bowfingerer

aka the Bark Knight

aka Work Hard Fae Hard

aka Coyote Handsome

aka Tree Weird

aka the Gorse Whisperer

aka the Arrow-ma Therapist

aka Aragorn-al Activity

aka Quiver Phoenix

aka Jack of All Trades, Master of All Trades

aka Tree Willy

aka Dave Fern

aka Soft-Core Faun-ography

aka Forest Whitaker

aka Notorious Tree-IG

aka Mr. Yumnus

aka Ranger Danger

aka Lust of Wind

aka Parry Hotter

aka Pollen Farrell

aka The Wood, The Bard and the Smugly

aka the Longest Bard

aka Daft Skunk

aka Brodo Swaggins

aka Dismay in a Ranger

aka Harriet Shrubman

aka Jeffrey Archer

aka Fen Diagram

aka Look Who’s Tolkien

aka Fennel May Care

aka the Grass Samurai

aka Chloro-Phil Spector

aka Woody Allen

aka Thelonius Trunk

aka the Moss Adjuster

the ✨ rhymes ✨:

human ranger, damage dealer, story weaver, owl deceiver

human ranger, goblin killer, pale ale swiller, dream journal filler

human ranger, rabble rouser, full of heart, devoid of trouser

human ranger, hidden stranger, friend of danger, dark avenger

human ranger, expert juggler, against the chains which bind us struggler

human ranger, loot stringer, shameless swinger, on da funk bringer

human ranger, check bouncer, espresso mispronouncer 

human ranger, rule flouter, truth spouter, earthworm doubter

human ranger, poker player, that which others won’t say sayer

human ranger, trendsetter, otter petter, in-joke getter

human ranger, blame dodger, advertising for a lodger

human ranger, cheeky chancer, always-on-the-off-beat dancer

human ranger, truth spinner, under-7s judo winner

human ranger, time waster, different brands of water taster

human ranger, hog roaster, subtle boaster, party ghoster 

human ranger, crystal healer, your-layers-like-an-onion peeler

human ranger, hell raiser, into-the-abyss gazer

human ranger, lithe linguist, sensual astrologist

human ranger, bugbear wrestler, established-societal-norm questioner

human ranger, tune hummer, every-known-fear overcomer

human ranger, knowledge gleaner, has the grass that’s always greener

human ranger, deer consumer, vole beguiler, badger groomer

human ranger, havoc wreaker, noted after dinner speaker

human ranger, cattle roper, inter-species interloper

human ranger, prey pouncer, fearless fighter, local counselor

deer stalker, fox glover, the one you’re with lover

black run skier, caged bird freer, the-change-you-want-to-see-in-the-world be-er

human ranger, eldritch blaster, surreptitious podcaster

human ranger, villain injurer, power broker, serial milliner

human ranger, wild reaver, what-a-tangled-web-we-weaver

human ranger, seed sower, flower goer, the-distance goer

human ranger, head turner, butter churner, bridge burner

human ranger, shameless liar, rule defier, hair dyer

human ranger, misbehav-er, always-against-the-grain shaver

human ranger, beast enrager, strong orator, up-upstager

human ranger, owlbear slayer, soothsayer, the-field player

human ranger, quick-quip punner, villain stunner, long-con runner

human ranger, heedless cur, own-job-interview saboteur

human ranger, of-wind guster, no-one truster, goat buster

TRUE FACTS ABOUT HENLEY:

he believes that any bird singing in the forest is doing it specifically for him (and birds don’t sing when he’s not there)

he trims his pubic hair into the word “shazam”

he keeps a dream journal (but if he has a nightmare, he ignores it and makes up something nice)

he writes really bad poetry (short, broken sentences, “rupi kaur style”)

he’s been using Ghoul’s Gruel as anti-aging cream (it doesn’t work)

his spirit animal is himself

he pronounces espresso like “ethpretho”

he has a bad feeling about worms in general

he howls at the moon

he pretends to understand all inside jokes

he’s very concerned about the mortgage repayments on his house

he always dances on the off beat in order to stand out in the club

he’s the reigning champion of the under-7s judo competition in his local area

he can tell the difference between brands of water (and he has very strong opinions about them)

he leaves parties without telling people and then comes back in disguise to talk about the fact that he left

he uses healing crystals

he gazes into the abyss until it gazes back because he wants the attention

he uses “sensual astrology” to try and seduce people

he has every known fear (the exposure therapy backfired)

he shaves (against the grain) with a sword (your hair doesn’t grow in hell. he does it anyway.)

he always has the greenest grass (he steals any grass he sees that’s greener than his own)

he runs a grooming business for badgers (“what does he get in return from the badgers?” “…friends”)

he’s an accomplished after-dinner speaker

he tried to hibernate with badgers and they kicked him out

he majored in drawing in sand with sticks

he’s a bed wetter

he always bets all in when playing poker

he is a leading member of the “pithy council” (it’s just him and a ferret getting together to recite pithy sayings)

he will love the one YOU’RE with (aka sleep with your wife)

when someone asks him a difficult question, he turns and runs

he thinks he’s been leaving episodes of a podcast called “whispers on the air” in various rocks and twigs on their journey, but he doesn’t have the spell for it so he’s just been talking to inanimate objects

he has an unhealthy obsession with hats

he sleeps in a web

he invented a kind of long distance running called long distance fleeing (26 miles = safety)

he burns every bridge he crosses

henley (a natural blonde) dyes his hair blonde (his natural hair color) so people will think he has grays because he’s older and more mature than he really is

he must always be upstaging someone

he has an inexplicable hatred of goats and, similarly, an inexplicable love of sea turtles

[quasi-normalcy]

Just thinking about when Yeltsin was president of Russia and he would stumble around at international conferences barely coherent and drunk as a skunk in a funk, and the media would talk about how basically this made him the living embodiment of post-Soviet Russia, and yeah, this is how I feel about America at the time of the debate.

[unremarkablehouse]

"If I were that Stoned..." Ch 2

Mature | pre-IWTB | MSR | WC 2,764 | AO3

Summary: Set before the IWTB, Mulder and Scully have settled into their own domestic routine in their Unremarkable House. Deciding it’s time to spice things up, Mulder takes it upon himself to discover exactly what would happen ‘if they were that high.’ Smut ensues.

As Scully made her way down their dirt driveway the afternoon sun lit a golden path across the dry grass illuminating a relaxed Mulder, leaning by the metal gate. Dressed in his old jeans and a grubby T-shirt, the dirt on his face and clothes informed her he had been working outside today. Still, it was unusual for him to be waiting by the gate for her to get home. They had established a pretty consistent routine, Mulder would get up with her in the mornings, make breakfast and coffee, warm up/de-ice her car on cold days and open the gate as she left for work so she didn’t risk getting her clothes dirty. This worked nicely because Mulder would then take off on his morning run, leaving him with the day to putter around outside or research things to his heart’s content until she got home. Mulder waiting by the gate for her to get home like a dog pining for his owner had her radar going, something was definitely up.

“What’s up Doc?” Mulder asked as she pulled to a stop and rolled down the window.

“Are you getting in Mulder?”

Mulder swung open the passenger door and jumped up on the runner, bracing himself by holding the roof and the SUV door. Tapping on the roof Mulder yelled “let’s go Baby!”

“Mulder, no. Get in the car!”

“I stink Scully, trust me you don’t want me messing up your car. This is fine, just drive slowly and try to avoid any potholes.”

Begrudgingly, Scully drove her car slowly towards their house with Mulder hanging off the side of the SUV like some deranged pirate.

Before she could pull to a complete stop Mulder jumped off and slammed the door.

“Mulder you’re crazy.”

“It’s not like I jumped onto a train or a cable car, I’ve mellowed in my old age!” Scully rolled her eyes and made her way to the front door, intercepting Mulder for a kiss.

“Woah, Mulder you do stink! Did you get sprayed by a skunk again?”

“No, I was helping Andrews with some of his posts and went through a hemp field.”

Mulder started stripping off all his clothes as they walked inside, unconcerned by his nudity, and Scully couldn’t help but admire his toned physique. Mulder was definitely aging well, his body had filled out and became more muscular than when they first met. Scully’s appreciative leer was not missed by Mulder who gave her a smug grin.

“I’m going to take a shower, wanna join me?”

“Mulder the type of shower you need right now requires total focus to get rid of that unholy funk.”

“Suit yourself!”

With the leftovers reheated and put on plates Scully let herself enjoy the feeling of domestication and stability. Mulder appeared just in time to eat, hair still wet from the shower, shirtless and sporting a pair of sweatpants. His mood was suspiciously jovial and Scully was still waiting to find out what he was up to.

“Okay, spill it Mulder.”

Her decree caught Mulder off guard and his face looked like a kid who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Attempting to feign innocence Mulder’s ‘what’, was met with an arched eyebrow and an unrelenting Scully stare.

Mulder sheepishly pulled out a ziplock bag with two rolled joints in it and handed it to Scully.

“Mulder is that pot?” Scully’s amusement put Mulder at ease as he explained himself.

“For a minute there I felt like I was in an afterschool special. It was a gift from Andrews for helping with the fence. I thought after dinner we could smoke on the front porch and you could show me how stoned sex is supposed to work.”

“I can’t believe you remembered! That was years ago Mulder, I haven’t gotten high in decades.”

“Of course I remembered, it was the first time we slept in the same bed.”

“Mulder, I’m game to try it but I may have oversold high sex a little bit. I was coming onto you- but you didn’t make a move.”

“WHAT! I was such a dumbass. Here I am so fond of the fact that we held hands and slept together that night, and you’re telling me we could have had crazy monkey sex!”

“I don’t know about crazy monkey sex, but yeah. I thought I was going to get fired so I figured, why not.”

“Man, I have no game. Thank god you jumped me or I’d still be pining for you.”

“Thank god,” Scully said, and pulled Mulder down for a kiss.

Nuzzling her neck affectionately Mulder whispered in her ear, “for the record, holding hands and sleeping with you was still pretty great.”

“I think so-”

Standing back and giving Scully an appreciative once over, Mulder declared, “but sex with you is incredible, so the dumbass verdict remains.”

After finishing the dishes, Mulder sauntered onto their front porch to find Scully sitting cross legged on her chair, her glass of ice water resting on the little table in between their chairs. Bewitched, Mulder watched her take a slow sip and capture an ice cube, rolling it around in her mouth until she decided to crunch it. Scully knew it was one of her habits that drove him crazy, their silent game of seduction was on. Handing her the bag of joints and a lighter, Mulder reached up and stretched his back in a way that was mostly performative for Scully. Still shirtless, his muscles rippled as he flexed, giving out a groan of relief and pretending to be oblivious to the effect he was having on her.

Long before they became lovers they would each delight in teasing one another. Touches that lasted a little too long, close whispers, a tongue slowly gliding over a lip, clothing revealing slithers of flesh normally concealed to the outside world. Years later, in their rustic house, these covert seductive behaviors were hardly necessary. But it was if the excitement of these elicit displays had morphed into their own private love language. Perhaps it was their way of ensuring their keen focus on one another, noticing gestures others would overlook, enjoying the game of never needing to acknowledge them aloud.

Scully captured his gaze as it was her turn to dance, she moistened her lips before taking the joint in her mouth and lighting it. The low grown Mulder emitted as he relaxed further into his chair was all the encouragement Scully needed to continue her show. Leaning her head back and closing her eyes, Scully exhaled her first hit of the joint, moving her mouth to form perfect smoke rings. Scully passed the joint over to Mulder, his eyes already dark with desire and an amused grin.

“Such a bad girl Scully; I love it.”

Knowing she’d won this round, Scully affectionately watched Mulder inspect the joint before taking a deep inhale. His face went red as he coughed and choked the smoke out, with tears in his eyes he looked up to Scully with his sheepish smile as she encouraged him to take a sip of her water. Taking the joint off Mulder, Scully repositioned herself on his lap and took another hit. Once she was sure his airways had calmed down she instructed him to hold still as she exhaled the smoke into his mouth, shot-gunning the joint.

Mulder’s face lit up with approval, taking in the pot much easier than the first time. Kissing her cheek Mulder said “that is way better than smoking a joint.”

“I thought you might like it,” Scully replied before she exhaled more smoke directly into his mouth.

They had managed to smoke the entire joint in that fashion, getting lost in their own world until Scully stubbed out the butt and gave a big yawn.

“How are you feeling Honey?” Mulder asked, examining her closely.

“I’m just very relaxed Mulder. How are you doing?” Scully asked, punctuating her question with a peck on his lips.

“I feel really floaty, Scully. Like if you got off my lap, I might be so light that I’d float away.”

The absurdity of Mulder’s serious statement made Scully giggle, and her giggling got Mulder giggling until they were both laughing for no reason.

“Mulder, I think it’s safe to say we’re stoned.”

“Empirical evidence would have to agree with you.”

“Wait, so you just need to get stoned to care about evidence?!”

“You live you learn-“ Mulder said as his focus shifted to kissing Scully’s neck while his hands made their way under her shirt.

His dramatic mood change immediately affected Scully, who leant back into his chest, encouraging him to continue his exploration of her body. As Mulder kissed and caressed her, Scully gave herself over to heightened sensations and let them feed her arousal. When she couldn’t take it anymore she turned around on Mulder’s lap, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss while her hands roamed down the plains of his chest finding his hard cock. Her touch set Mulder’s skin on fire as he lifted his pelvis, grinding his erection into her hand. They broke from their deep kisses and panted, time had contracted and somehow their foreplay had concluded, both of them more than ready for the main event. Mulder reached to unzip Scully’s pants, only to have his hands meet air as she pulled away from him and stood up from his lap.

“No Mulder, we can’t have sex on the porch again. Last time we did I had a sore neck for a week.”

“Right, and I got a splinter in my butt!”

They both laughed at the memory, while Scully pulled Mulder up from his chair, guiding him through the house and into their bedroom.

Without ceremony they both removed their clothes and took their habitual positions on their bed. Before Scully could kiss him again, Mulder held her back and stopped her, making a show at inspecting her body as if he had never seen her naked before. After a few too many minutes of Mulder’s appreciative stare, Scully grabbed his head in her hands and kissed him.

“Are you going to stare at me Mulder or are we going to have sex.”

“Sorry, I just got carried away looking at you. You’re so beautiful Scully, I adore every single inch of you.”

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Scully said and resumed their kiss.

Their love making continued in a familiar sequence of touches and caresses, halting progress as Mulder reached Scully’s chest. It was normal for Mulder to adorn attention on Scully’s breasts, his admiration of them was well known, but his current display seemed to be hyperfixed on them. Scully pulled Mulder’s head away from her chest and laughed at his forlorn expression.

“Mulder, I think you’re forgetting something.”

“Sorry Honey, but you have amazing boobs. I just want to touch and play with them all day.” Mulder reached his hand out to Scully’s breast so he could resume fondling her, only to be gently slapped away.

“Ohmygod Mulder, you can’t be trusted with my breasts anymore.”

Moving away from him, Scully squeezed out a small amount of lube from the nightstand and glided it across Mulder’s cock, rubbing the excess off on Mulder’s belly with a laugh. Scully got on all fours and turned around to Mulder, instructing him to get into position. Mulder draped his entire body over Scully as he entered her from behind and nuzzled her neck. One of Mulder’s hands glided up her torso and made their way to her breasts.

“Okay, they’re still there,” Mulder mumbled in her ear as he glided himself inside her. Wrapped in his embrace, Scully giggled at the thought of her wearing a Mulder coat, loving the way his body heat permeated her being and the feel of his cock buried deep inside her. It wasn’t long until she felt her orgasm rise as Mulder rhythmically circled her clit and maintained strong consistent strokes. The intense thrum in her body was all too much for her, as her orgasm engulfed her Scully felt her arms collapse and her upper body came to rest on the bed. Mulder continued to piston into her, never stopping his sturdy rhythm, his hand gently guiding her back into a comfortable position.

Scully was lost in a haze, the post orgasm endorphins combined with her high had overwhelmed her body. No longer capable of conscious thought she moaned in pleasure as her body continued to be stimulated by Mulder’s powerful thrusts.

Mulder’s thoughts were equally blank as he focused on the sensations, the contractions of Scully’s pussy guiding his pace and letting him know she was close again. Moving both his hands to her hips, Mulder gripped Scully tightly and pounded as hard as he could trying to push her over the edge again. Without her face or body near him Mulder’s rhythmic thrusting started to feel robotic to him, as if he was no longer in control, unable to stop himself and overwhelmed by the feeling. Scully’s orgasmic scream seemed to bring his vigorous pace to a slow halt, his body softly pulsed, bringing her down gently. Pulling out from Scully, Mulder sat himself up against the headboard and found himself once again overwhelmed and now inundated with fear.

Unsure how long her body had been incapacitated post orgasm, Scully’s hand reached out around her looking for Mulder. His absence sobered her up, and she instantly realized something was wrong.

Looking around the bed, Scully found Mulder sitting up by the headboard with a terrified look on his face. It was clear he’d been battling with a panic attack, too overwrought to speak. Rushing to him, Scully ran her hands through Mulder’s hair in an effort to calm him down. Relief suddenly flashed through his eyes as Mulder recognized her, and his breathing started to return to normal.

“Mulder, are you ok? What happened?”

“I don’t know Scully. We were having sex and suddenly I felt lost, like you weren’t there. The next thing I knew I was alone and I couldn’t find you, I was so afraid.”

Straddling Mulder’s lap Scully rested her forehead against his and took deep calming breaths. Without a word Mulder followed her lead until their breathing was synchronized. Staring into her eyes Mulder felt a deep wave of calm wash over him and enter into every fiber of his being.

“No more pot for you Mulder, okay?”

“Okay Doc.”

As Scully moved to lift herself off Mulder, she felt his arms tighten around her, pulling her closer. His mouth sought hers out and his kiss felt like he was pulling her into him.

“I don’t feel lost when I can see you,” Mulder said against her lips. Scully grabbed on to Mulder’s hand, feeling the full power of their connection, their bodies coming together once more. Without any conscious action Mulder was once again inside her, the rocking of their bodies in perfect unison, an expression of deep unabiding love. The crest of their orgasms occurred in perfect synchronicity, their gaze locked into each other’s eyes as they began to unravel. A reverent silence filled the air as they both came down from their transcendental experience.

Finally breaking the silence Mulder looked over at a bedraggled Scully with a sense of pride. “So, was stoned sex as good as you remembered it Scully?”

“It was different. But sex with you is always on another level, our connection makes it phenomenal.”

Mulder mouthed the word phenomenal, letting his ego enjoy the feedback.

“I guess we’ve never really needed anything to make sex more amazing between us. But I’m glad I got to try high sex with you,” Mulder said as he moved them into a spooning position.

Scully’s eyes had started to close when Mulder whispered into her ear, “Scully, I’m going to get up for a while. Don’t be alarmed if I come back smelling of Doritos.”

Before he could get out of bed Scully grabbed onto his hand.

“You better bring the packet with you if you expect to be let back in bed.”

“We can eat in bed?!”

“One time exception, Mulder.”

Mulder looked down at her tiny hand in his and felt his heart constrict the same way as it had the first time she held his hand in bed all those years ago. With a quick kiss Mulder made his way down to the kitchen to get their snacks and thanked his lucky stars for his badass Partner.

tagging: @

[were--ralph]

I just wanna meet a masc dom vampire skunk who uses his funk to hypnotize hoomin victims and reluctant lovers. Is that too much to ask?

yes we hate vampires here its a werewolf only viibe

[dandalionbold]

I'm probably too exhausted and finding this funnier than I should, but the list of "nicknames" for Jimmy Hart is growing:

So now we've got:

-scrunkily little meow meow man (me)

-little purse dog of a man (tumblr tags, bless you, I've been laughing for weeks over this)

-little chicken wing (thank you @theempressar )

- The Mouse In The House (also thank you Emp 🤣💖)

- Our little gerbil man

I also endearingly call him Jimmy-Jam because I have a problem 🤪

Names that have been said during matches/TNT:

- Squirrel

- Groundhog

- Mouse of the South (from a sign)

- (Funk, Junk) and the Little Skunk

Names from magazines:

- The Elfin manager

[punkskunkfunk]

12- Draw Em' If You Got Em'

[hart-on-my-sleeve]

The Revamped Jimmy Hart Nickname List

Y'all's tags bring me so much life 💖

- scrunkily little meow meow

- little purse dog of a man

- little chicken wing

- mouse in the house

- little gerbil man

- emotional support gerbil

- Jimmy-Jam

- Jambles

- Jimby

- Jimbly

- Mr. Jimbly Hart

- Jimbleton

- Jimboree

- Jimbert

Names/Things that have been said during events:

- Squirrel

- Groundhog

- Mouse of the South (sign)

- (Funk, Junk) and the Little Skunk

- Jimsy (per Roddy)

- Walking advertisement for birth control (per Monsoon. SO RUDE.)

- Jiminy Cricket (per Jesse Ventura...)

Names from the magazines:

- The Elfin manager

Misc:

- the Jimmy Hart workout program. Includes: 1 gerbil man. Great for strength (lifting) and cardio (chasing him)

- Wii sports avatar that's winning

- mom who holds all the kids stuff while they go play

- Animal crossing emote

- Rodeo clown for human men

- weaponized flying squirrel

- emergency hair stylist

[kari-go]

More of my kwamis! I really struggled with Pyrro’s colors.

Fross the arctic fox of Elusion

Snow Storm- Summons a big snow storm that the holder can disappear into.

Cold temperature.

Barra the flamingo of Balance

Footing- Allows the holder to balance on anything.

Remm the sheep of Dreams

Count Sheep- Puts a person to sleep.

Perfuu the skunk of Pollution

Funk- The holder dispels a smell that has multiple purposes (calm someone, disorient enemies, etc.).

Pyrro the phoenix of Combustion

Inferno- The holder turns into fire.

Will-O-Wisp- Summons up to ten wisps that the holder can use to guide people, flame things on fire, etc.

Rebirth- The Cure.

Flight.

Viis the koi of Gravitation

Moonjump- Allows the holder to control gravity of themselves (and later of a small area).

Aquatic.

Lymm the opossum of Evasion

Loophole- Shows the holder the best way to get out of a situation.

Slight night vision.

Teffe the ferret of Curiosity

Apertio- Allows the user to travel to different pocket dimensions(Burrow, Ladybug’s yoyo, etc.).

Bell the goose of Intimidation

Ingeese- Increases the holder’s size.

Anurr the frog of Prosperity

Riches- Enhances the allies’ power.

Aquatic.

[thewisecheerio]

I'm pretty sure I won a dance battle with a skunk last night. Let me explain.

I have a cattle dog, and we both keep strange hours. Here she is in all her glory:

At 2 AM, my dog decided to go to the bathroom. She exited the dog door, as dogs do, and wandered over near a shed in the yard. Something was up, though: I could hear scrabbling near the fence that definitely wasn't her. So I went outside to see what was going on. I could not have prepared myself for what I encountered.

Above my actively-going-to-the-bathroom dog was a skunk on the *roof* of the nearby shed, no doubt having climbed a tree to get there. Just as I was about to encourage my dog to move, the skunk lost its footing, slid off the roof, and landed squarely on my dog, who promptly finished her business quite literally having had the shit scared out of her.

But the skunk? The poor, gravity-stricken skunk? It decided to spray.

My dog retreated immediately.

I tossed her in the bath, dealt with the skunk funk, and released her back into the house to chill out. But now I had another problem to deal with. There was now a very scared, very confused skunk *trapped in my yard*. I was going to have to open a gate for it, and I was going to have to be very brave about it.

I once again went outside. The skunk was in nearly the same place it had been by the shed. The only problem is that it was between me and the gate I needed to open to let it free.

The skunk, of course, spotted me immediately. As it did, it started stomping. If you're unfamiliar, skunks stomp to warn you; it's the equivalent of a growl in dogs or a hiss in cats.

The second I saw the stomping, I had an idea. The skunk had just sprayed my dog. They can spray multiple times, but maybe the stomps were a sign it would rather warn me off than spray again. I could use this to my advantage.

I began to slowly move toward the gate, stomping in the manner of a skunk as I went. Stomp. Wait. Step. Stomp. Wait. Step. So far, the skunk--still stomping--was staying away and simply watching me while continuing to meet my stomps with its own. The dance battle was on.

In maybe half a minute, I reached my goal and opened the gate. I repeated the process to get back to the other side of the skunk. Now came the hard part: since the skunk was fixated on me, there was a good chance it would be too scared to move toward the gate. I had to get the skunk to realize the gate was open and that moving toward it was the best option, still without getting sprayed.

I moved slowly to the other side of the skunk, still stomping periodically. Stomp. Wait. Step. Stomp. Wait. Step. As I did so, the skunk began to retreat vaguely in the direction of what would be its exit. HUZZAH! The plan was working.

We exchanged stomps for another half minute or so, at which point, the skunk must have realized its path to freedom. In a very frightening moment in which it turned its back to me--and I was certain I would be sprayed for my efforts--it turned tail and scampered out the gate.

I waited a few minutes to be sure it was gone and that I wouldn't scare it again, and then closed the gate. Victory was mine.

And that's how I won a dance battle with a skunk.

[fuck-yeah-pierrelepew]

Imagine Pierre doing the Skunk Funk MV -w-

https://youtu.be/45Hm1r-fOT0?si=ZXNqVmBqDRxwVL8A

If someone were to do it, then I'd be obsessed... it has so much sexy energy (⁠*⁠_⁠*⁠)