#smithson utivich headcanon

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Can We Cuddle? 🙈 | How the Basterds ask you to cuddle | IB Headcanon

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Requested by this anon ♥️ Rules for requests

Lt. Aldo Raine

Aldo is the type of main who rarely gets time to rest. Being in the middle of the woods in a war while hunting krauts means you two lack privacy or a nice warm bed. But there are days where Aldo gets so exhausted and a flicker of peace while the other basterds are occupied and takes advantage of it.

“Can we cuddle, darlin’?” He’ll simply ask, throwing aside his pack and coming to lay beside you. He pretty much already has his arm wrapped around you and nuzzling his way into your neck, sighing at the warmth it provides. The ground is hard and he’ll wake up with a sore ass and back, but at least he gets time to hold you in his arms.

You’ve already got a grin on your face, leaning into him while securing your arm around to play with his hair, saying, “Of course, love. Though, you already got yourself comfortable.”

“maybe I knew you’d say yes,” he smirks, kissing your jaw and cozying up to you. “We only got a short amount a time ‘fore those fools ruin it. Let’s make the most of it.”

Sgt. Donny Donowitz

Donny probably doesn’t even ask honestly. The man will just plop his happy ass on top of you, causing a groan followed by a laugh to escape your mouth. If y’all are at an inn/motel with the rare occasion of having a bed, Donny doesn’t hesitate to jump on top of you.“What do you want, mister?” His arms fall to your sides, resting his head on your chest while looking up at you with a cheeky smile. You’re own smile forms, knowing what it is he wants.

“Can we cuddle, doll?” The innocent question has your face soften, immediately shifting to make yourself more comfortable as your arms go to cradle him. “Do you even have to ask?” He chuckles at your response, grinning in victory as he shuffles more up your body so he wasn’t fully on top of you but against your side. It’s rare you two get to cuddle, but Donny loves anytime you do. The Basterds used to hollar and tease in the beginning of y’all’s relationship, before stopping when Donny threatened to use his bat on them.

“This is nice. Ain’t it, doll?” He hums in content, feeling you hold him. Usually he’s the bigger spoon and likes to hold you, but on these types of moments he loves just laying on top of you and feeling the gentle thump of your heart against his ear. You smile and lean down to kiss his head, “It’s the thing I look forward to most when I’m with you, Donny.”

Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki

Ever the gentlemen, Wicki would politely ask you to cuddle. He probably would pop the question when he sees you in distress or in dire need of rest. Taking your blankets and pack, Wicki sets up a little spot by the fire after you two have first watch and gesture for you to join him.

“What’s this,” you can’t help but ask, small smiling in the corner of your lips when you see him lay down and open his arms. “Lay with me, Schatzi. You need rest and I wanna hold you tonight if you don’t mind.” Biting your lip, you ease down and allow him to pull you into the position where his chest is to your back, the two of you facing the fire at a safe distance where you feel the heat but not close enough where it’s a hazard. “Don’t mind if I do, Corporal,” you then tease how out of character it is for him. Usually it’s you asking him to cuddle, not the other way around.

“With all the hell we see, Y/n, having a little bit of peace with you is what I strive for,” fingers brush through your hair, Wicki kissing the side of your head as sleep threatens to take over you. “Sleep now, liebling, I’ll be here when you wake.”

Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz

Hugo is not one with words. So as you can imagine he’d likely not directly ask you to cuddle but instead give a motion with his hands or his body language gives away what he wants. You two would be bunked together—thanks to Aldo—when y’all get the chance to be at an inn while doing recon in downtown Paris. Having been…something, for sometime you two know each other’s boundaries with physical touch still being difficult for Hugo. He trusts you and knows he feels something strong for you, but he still has trouble letting you in.

This particular night however, was a hard day for both of you and you both were exhausted to the point you dropped onto the bed beside him before being taken aback by the look he was giving you. “You okay, Hugo?” You ask, sitting up a bit to decipher why he was giving you that look. When he glances down at the bed, shifting a bit closer he looks up at you with nervousness. It clicks for you, “Did you…do you want me to move closer?”

When he nods you slowly draw forward, watching his arms open and letting you fall into them. Tucking your head in his neck, you feel Hugo wrap his arms around you, stiff and unsure. It’s only when you relax against him that Hugo relaxes as well, the both of you falling asleep shortly after, a small smile painting your face.

Private Smithson Utivich

Smitty is nervous around you even after you two have established your relationship. Getting alone time gets him flustered and there are times where the opportunity arises to cuddle with you and it still makes his palms sweaty. You find it adorable, however, and sometimes tease him by saying, “All you have to do is ask, Smitty. You know I’ll say yes.”

It just makes him go red, stuttering out, “Can—can we cuddle a bit? If you don’t mind—I-I,” you cut him off with a kiss to the cheek, curling up to him. His body head could be felt through his clothes, making you nuzzle up to Smiitty as he awkwardly brings his arms around you. “Better, bud?”

“Yeah,” he sighs with a crooked smile, happy with the feeling of you in his arms. Smitty can’t help but love the moments where you two get to relax and just talk about life while cuddling. It makes him feel at home, “So much better.”

[indigosandviolets]

Hey could you do headcanons on what the basterds were like when their S/O was going through labor? Love your writing aaa!

here you go! fair thing i should mention, these are from the perspective of a person who has never given birth(hi, hello, that’s me!) , but have heard many a gory tale.

Aldo Raine

you and Aldo have three children. you are also an incredibly strong woman.

Aldo, being the Southern gentleman that he is, stayed with you the entire time and held your hand

you broke his hand, every single time

after the first time he kinda stopped caring about it

and when people would ask about it he would say, “My wife did that.”

then you would give him the look and he’d say, “Not in an abusive way, she’s in labor.” and you’d want to fucking die every time more than you currently did

but he’s already on top of shit when you’ve finished and i’m talking ON TOP OF SHIT

he’s got an order for your favorite food ready and on the way and he may or may not have snuck in a cooler that has your favorite drinks in it, as well as the first alcoholic beverages you’ve had in nine months

trust me, he’s on top of shit

Donny Donowitz

Donny isn’t...terrible, he just wasn’t...great

turns out, an ex-blood-thirsty-nazi-killer hates seeing people in pain when the people is you whose in pain

and it’s not like he can do anything about it and that pisses him off, so in the end he’s more frustrated than you are and that’s some fucking news to you

that pisses you off ‘cause he’s not allowed to be the one freaking out but whatever

he’s got his hand on your shoulder the whole time and you’re holding onto his wrist

Donny seriously hates you being in pain and he almost wants to fight the doctors for not giving you enough pain killer but you held him tight so he couldn’t

he’s better with you when Anja is born because when Art was born he was an absolute wreck

though he does climb into the hospital bed after and holds you and Art, and then when Anja is born you somehow fit art in there too

Hugo Stiglitz

so he was freaking out way more than he let on during the birth of your daughter Margret

like usual he didn’t say much, as he is a man of few words around people he doesn’t know, but when he heard Margret cry he tilted his head back and said “thank the fucking lord”

seriously, he’s a man of steel about his emotions until he gets to hold her

and you see a single tear slide down his cheek

“Hugo?”

“Shut up.”

“The hell did you just say?”

“Sorry.”

he was a lot calmer for Leon and Benjamin because that was a C-Section

he was waiting with water and some soup when you woke up (home made soup, might i add)

Wilhelm Wicki

so you and Wicki were totally prepped for when Stefan was born

until Stefan was born a week late

nothing to worry about, but you were just so sick of being pregnant that eventually you two just went to the hospital and said “Fucking really?”

Wicki was calm the entire time and it helped you out a lot

he’s calmer than the fucking doctors and that’s the worst part

especially when Stefan doesn’t cry when he’s born and he has to tell the doctors that he can literally see his son breathing and that there’s nothing to worry about

he cuts Stefan’s cord and when he’s handed over, that’s when he starts crying and Wicki has to look at the doctors with the “i fucking told you so” look

“How the hell do you know so much, Wil?”

“I think I read more than our doctors do.”

“Yeah, that sounds about right.”

Smithson Utivich

everything Smithson Utivich has learned from being an uncle to his sister’s kids and her telling him what it was like went out the fucking window when you went into labor

yeah, his sister was accurate on some shit, but not with him calming down while his wife is having fucking twins

it’s fine, though, but not really, but he stopped hyperventilating and now just has to worry about you hyperventilating but you’re both fine

once they’ve hooked you up on an epidural it’s a little bit better but you’re still in a lot of pain

he’s there the entire time. this man does not move from beside you and he has one arm around your shoulders and one hand in yours and he’s constantly saying reassuring words

the only time that changes is when he’s holding your first son Dov while Eli is busy being born but he’s still telling you as many reassuring things he can

once Eli was born you practically passed out but when you woke up you saw Smitty in the chair next to you holding both of your children, passed out

Gerold Hirschberg

i actually wrote this for the fight/make-up headcanons i wrote, so you can check those out here! (you’re gonna have to scroll down to Hirschberg, but it’s there, I promise!)

Omar Ulmer

Omar’s on top of fucking everything when your daughter Elizabeth is born

thing is, he didn’t need to be because they accidentally gave you the wrong epidural and you end up getting way more killer than you were supposed to

you were so drugged out that when anything happened you would laugh

so he’s there trying to get you to calm down, meanwhile you seeing him do to just makes you laugh even harder

everyone’s freaking out that you’re gonna laugh this baby out, which you find absolutely hilarious

so he decides ‘fuck it’ and just starts talking about stupid stuff to make you laugh

an expected eight hour ordeal turns into a four hour one

you did have to stay in the hospital until the drugs wore out of your system, but Omar did still tell you dumb stories that made you laugh a fun smile while you two held your newly born daughter

[lovingunderratedcharacters]

First Time With The Basterds (Smut)

Anon: Hey! Could you do smutty first time headcanons with the Basterds? If not, that's cool. Love your blog, btw :)

Aldo Raine: He’s a bit on the rougher side. Your first time with him probably wasn’t in the bedroom, but rather somewhere out in the woods because of how impulsive he is. He loves making you moan as loud as possible. For the first time, because it’s not in the bedroom, he takes you from behind standing up.

Donny Donowitz: Very rough but careful the first time to make sure you’re comfortable. It probably happens after a long day and the two of you need to relax. He likes making you be quiet, whether it be kissing you or covering your mouth. For the first time, he definitely lets you know that he’s got a thing for weird positions, so he goes with butter churner.

Archie Hicox: He’s so sweet and gentle. He makes sure that you are extremely happy before he lets you do anything to him. Even though he’s sweet and gentle, he’s still a dom and likes telling you what to do. First time position is doggy style so that he can control you while giving you pleasure.

Hugo Stiglitz: He’s rough, but not as rough as Donny or Aldo. He likes to be more laid back and loves to do what you ask of him. You’ll switch dom and sub positions on a regular basis, just to shake things up. First time position would be reverse cowgirl.

Wilhelm Wicki: He’s secretly a hopeless romantic, so he loves to go all out. He’ll lay out rose petals on the bed for your first time and treat you incredible well. He loves making you smile when he’s in bed with you. For the first time, he’d probably do missionary with a twist.

Omar Ulmer: He loves to make you very excited, so he’s really into foreplay. He gets really happy when he sees you enjoying yourself, and he’ll do whatever he can to prolong that effect. He gets off making you come. He’ll go for lapdance style for the first time.

Smithson Utivich: He surprises you on the first time. You expect him to be more of a sub but when he senses that you are gaining control over the situation, he takes over. He loves pulling your hair. His go to first time position is you bent over a table or the end of a couch.

Gerold Hirshberg: He’s actually more of a sub in the bedroom, and enjoys it when you take over. He gets really excited when you tell him what to do and he follows orders. He loves being blindfolded. His go to position is cowgirl, so that you’re in control.

[averagewriter-inthedark]

How they react to you getting hurt 🥲 | IB headcanon

Link to my IB masterlist

Requested 📨 yes/no

Content warnings: injury, blood, war, profanity, light angst.

Being part of the Basterds & getting injured would look like:

Getting injured was not something you planned, but in war it is bound to happen eventually. It could happen when y’all were ambushed, on recon, or something simple as moving place to place.

Whether it be a small graze, a split lip, or a possible fatal wound the Basterds are losing their mind. It would be utter chaos in the tent with Wicki having to kick them all out, besides Alsdo, so he could work with a clear mind. If it was a small injury that could be fixed with some bandages and alcohol then he’d be like “you lot are so dramatic. Just calm down they’re going to be fine.” But if it was serious then the last thing the man needed was panic around him, “if you all can’t shut the fuck up then get out! I need to concentrate before they bleed out!” Wicki cared deeply for you and felt responsible. He’d be dammed if you died on his watch.

Aldo would remain calm but internally was on high alert. You were one if the best Basterds and quite literally the glue that kept them together. In a shitshow of a world you still managed to smile, brining a level of hope and optimism to the squad. Seeing you in pain pulled at his heartstrings. Best believe he would stop at nothing to avenge you if worst comes to worst.

Donny would be in the same boat as Aldo, but would be more visibly anxious and pacing back and forth until he got an update. Like Aldo he’d set the world on fire to avenge you if you died. Donny is the bastard who’d try to make you laugh when you’re recovering which would only make the pain worse. “Oh sorry, I forgot you’re hurting there.”

Hugo is scary. Bottom line he is not talking, he is barely moving. It would not be until he knew you’d be okay that he would visibly relax. If the person who hurt you was still breathing Hugo would be silently plotting. The bastard would be the type to sneak out of camp and track the person himself. God forbid you died because you were the one thing keeping him grounded (platonically) so if he lost you….well pray for those who come in his way.

The younger basterds are losing their minds. Scared shirtless the only thing their minds go to is the worst. Smitty is holding back tears, Omar is biting his nails. They’d be camping outside the tent to hear what was going on and would fall on their asses when Aldo or Wicki were to suddenly come out. “Are they gonna be okay!?” They shout simultaneously, anxious at the sight of blood on Wicki. When the older man lit a cigarette and mumbled, “They’re gonna be fine. They just need to rest,” they all dropped to the floor in relief.

It would pain the basterds to have to send you home if the injury you sustained put you out of the line of duty. This wold be if you lost a limb or were in need of more medical attention than they could offer, such as losing your sight or part of your hearing. Aldo would be the one to escort you to allied territory to hand you over, the ride solemn and silent. “I’m sorry, boss,” you softly said., “I’m sorry I let you down.” “Kid, you’re alive. That’s all that matters and don’t you fuckin’ forget it. I’d rather be takin’ ya back breathin’ than in a casket.”

If your injury was not fatal and a quick fix, expect a small lecture from Aldo. He wouldn’t be upset with you per say, but just angry that it happened. Again, you are someone he cares about. All the Basterds do. So when shit like that happens it scares them and never did they wanna deal with having to bury someone they cared about. He would, however, scold you if the reason you got hurt was because you did something stupid or went against his orders. “L/n, I will warn you this one time. You pull that shit again and I’ll have your ass on the next truck back to base. Understood?”

At the end of the day the boys are just happy you’re okay. It was a close call but thankfully you survived and Wicki was the one with the brains to help you recover. They may have shit their pants and nearly went into cardiac arrest, but the basterds wouldn’t be losing their sunshine anytime soon.

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Thank you so much for writing for Inglorious Basterds! Your writing truly makes my day 💙

Thank you so so much !🥹 I’m so happy you like them, I hope I do more works for them because I enjoy writing for those characters!

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Being a nurse & part of the Basterds | IB headcanon

Link to my IB masterlist

I ain’t having my mans Wicki & Stiglitz dying in that damn basement.

Being a nurse and member of the Basterds would look like:

First and foremost, all the guys are VERY protective of you. I’m talking if someone so much as breath’s wrong in your direction, they would no longer be breathing five seconds later. Most of them see you as a little/older sister and therefore would do anything to make sure nothing happened to you. For the ones who have feelings a little more on the ‘more than friends’ level, they would sacrifice themselves to save you if it came down to it. They’re all well aware you can pretty much kick anyones ass if you tried, but they still feel like they should be the one’s doing the ass kicking.

Aldo recruited you in his initial work of gathering the team. He needed to make sure that if someone went down or needed to be checked then a professional was there. You had been top of your nursing class, working the up ranks of the Army Nurses Corps that by the time Aldo offered you the position you were already a Captain. There was an automatic respect, not just because you technically outranked the boys, but because you were a hard worker, caring, badass, and didn’t take shit from anyone. Aldo could still remember the first meeting you two had in which he left the room thinking, “Them Nazi fucks ain’t ready for a woman like that.”

Of course your main job was to provide medical expertise for the guys. Not only did you tend to their wounds, but you also educated them for emergencies in case too many of them got hurt or you were at camp while some went into town. Wicki and Smitty were the ones who were most interested in learning. “You need to stop the bleeding first—are you watching?—good, then you clean it before disinfecting until finally you dress the wound.” Donny would sit and watch you teach for the hell of it, but never partake which greatly annoyed you. “Donny, what’re you going to do if it’s just you and I’m not there to help save your ass?” *shrugs* “Guess I’m fucked.”

As a member of the Basterds, you were expected to gift Aldo 100 Nazi scalps. And you always paid your debts. It took almost a year for you to accomplish the goal since you often stayed at the base camp. Once in a blue moon when they needed info out of a kraut, they’d haul his ass back to camp so you can do the honors. “Got a surprise for you, doll.” “How lovely for you boys to do such a thing.”

On the rare occasions you guys get to take a night off, you’ll wind up at a dance hall. It is obligation from there that you dance with every Basterd before the doors close for the evening. Donny is usually the first to drag you by the hand the second y’all arrive and from there you’ll either be passed to the next, or the sly basterds will cut in middle of the dance. It should also be mentioned that you’re the only person Hugo will dance with. The man will literally be approached by dames left and right, but simply gives them a look of ‘no thanks.’ Meanwhile all you have to do is bat your eyelashes and the Nazi killer is soft as a teddy bear.

God forbid you get hurt. The guys don’t know what the hell to do—save for Wicki and Smitty—so they’re cussing and yelling all around causing you more stress than you need. Eventually you’ll have enough and throw a roll of gauze at their heads to get them to shut the hell up. Wicki bans them from your tent while he works while Smitty provides you comfort. “Fuck how bad is it?” “The knife got you pretty deep, but it looks like it didn’t hit anything major. You’ll be in pain, but at least you’re alive.” You’ll then smirk and make some sly comment of, “well well, who taught you all that, doc?”

On top of being the nurse, you also take on the job of cutting the boys hair when it gets too long (Donny will also since mans is literally a barber) and inspecting their teeth. The scissors you had were for cutting gauze and stitches and shit, but you made the exception to give them hair cuts every few months. Thankfully you had family members who often came to you for hair cuts before the war, so you knew how to not fuck up there hair. And it was something the boys enjoyed because they got to sit one on one with you and relax. Sometimes it would even lull them to sleep.

When the team lost Micheal and Simon, you took it the hardest. After the ambush the guys hauled them back to you with hopes they’d make it. You did everything you could, using up the last of whatever materials you had to keep them alive but in the end their injuries were too much. When you knew there was nothing more you could do, one a time you took their hand and pressed a kiss to their forehead as they took their last breath. For days you stayed in your tent to cry from sunrise to sunset, usually with the rest of the guys taking turns to hold you.

In the beginning, you vowed you’d never let yourself get romantically involved with any of the basterds. This was both a professional and personal reason. Professional as you were their nurse (not to mention you outranked them), and personal as there was a war where everyday could be your last. The last thing you wanted was to fall in love and have to continue you on your own if something happened or vise versa. But the heart wants what it wants and it was no surprise when you eventually did strike up a relationship with one of them.

It wasn’t hard for the others to figure out who it was once they noticed the man (of your choosing) kept a close eye on you more than usually and would get jealous from time to time. Then on a mission where you were tasked to play a part of an unsuspecting French Nazi sympathizer to lure them to the Basterds, your lover was not forthcoming with letting you do it. “It is too dangerous, doll.” “Well that’s why I have you to protect me.”

When Operation Kino came to the team you were hesitant. Already you didn’t trust Von Hammersmark, but not because you didn’t doubt her loyalty to the allies. It was because you believed she wouldn’t put your team in harms way without realizing it. These were your men, your friends, your brothers, and then there was your lover. There was nothing you would not do to keep them safe. So when the shoot out sounded in the basement 20 minutes after Wicki and Hugo went in Donny had to basically tackle you to stop you from going down there. “Let me go, Donny!” “We don’t know if anyone’s alive yet—it could be a trap!”

After Aldo made the deal—to which the young Wilhelm met the end of Bridget Lugar, you guys recovered her, Wicki, Stiglitz, and Hicox and brought them to safety. All of them had been hit with at least 3 shots to various parts of their bodies so time was at the essence. Eventually y’all made it to a vet’s office where you immediately got to work on the four with the vet and Smitty assisting you in anyway he could. Heated and suspicious of Bridget, you refused to help her saying, “Get that bitch out of my face until you find out what the hell she’s up to.”

Luckily Wicki and Hugo —and even Hixoc though you were pissed at him for selling the team out, pulled through (which you probably would’ve went on a rampage if they didn’t). They needed to be cared for more and so you and Andy stayed at the makeshift infirmary you set up at the vet’s while the others went to complete Operation Kino. When Hirschberg came rushing back hours later covered in blood and frantic, “We gotta go!” you three helped your wounded basterds up and out of the place into some van Hirschberg had stolen.

When the war came to an end, thanks to your bunch of Nazi killing basterds, you walked hand in hand with your lover across the tarmac to go back home. The others met you with hugs and teasing remarks, but promises to keep in touch once you all went your separate ways. You weren’t sure what you’d do once you were back in the states. There was the option of staying an Army nurse, but part of you wanted something more. And with your brothers in arms and lover by your side, anything was possible.

[averagewriter-inthedark]

AW-ITD’s Inglorious Basterds Masterlist

Link to my other masterlists

Key: 🤍 - Personal favs, ♥️ - popular works, 📝 - series in progress, 💌 - series completed, ⏳- coming soon, 🧸 - OC not y/n, 📨 - requested

Rules for requests

Lt. Aldo Raine

Headcanons:

SFW Headcanons 📨

Lt. Archie Hicox

Headcanons:

Dating Archie Hicox

Cpl. Wilhelm Wicki

Headcanons:

SFW Alphabet

Dating Wilhelm Wicki

Sgt. Hgo Stiglitz

Imagines:

Can You Keep Up? 📨

Sgt. Donny Donowitz

Headcanons:

SFW Headcanons 📨

SFW Alphabet 📨

Shoshanna Dreyfus

The Basterds

Imagines:

A Princess Among Basterds

Stay With Us ⏳

Headcanons:

Being the nurse of the Basterds

How the react to you getting hurt

Can we cuddle? 📨

Last updated: March 2023

[indigosandviolets]

I love love love your writing so much! Your headcanons for the basterds have brought me so much joy!! Could you do a fight and makeup headcanon for the basterds? Thank you!!

angst! oh, lord, give me the strength for the angst. some of these are after the war, others are during, and one is before. some of these aren’t really angsts, and i KNOW that’s what y’all want, i just :/, y’know?

Aldo Raine

you guys have had little arguments over stupid shit like as follows

“Where’s my knife?”

“What?”

“Where the hell is my knife?”

“Where it always is. Cupboard over the fridge.”

“Why?”

“So that way the kids can’t get to it?”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

“Why the hell do you need your knife?”

“...”

“Aldo—“

but your first really fight fight was over something your mother said and it quickly escalated from her just nagging to a fully-blown shouting contest between the three of you

she didn’t like that Aldo was in charge of a band of blood thirsty Nazi killers and she especially didn’t like that fact that he had you kill 100 fucking Nazis

he was pissed that she assumed Nazis weren’t as bad as they were, which your Basterd ass agreed with 1000%

but slamming his knife (eating, don’t worry) into the fucking table over it? that’s where you got mad at him

“Aldo! What the fuck are you doing?”

“Making a point, damnit.”

“Not in my fucking house.”

yeah, he slept on the couch that night and didn’t drive with you while you took your mother home

but you came back to a new kitchen table that he made with your kids

now with 100% less stab marks!

Donny Donowitz

you and Donny don’t really fight

but then there’s fucking monopoly

you two are incredibly competitive. like shouting at each other and pulling out the rules when something seems fishy competitive.

so yes. you two are childish as fuck because you fight over a fucking board game. there, i said it.

it gets scary when you move past the shouting stage and into the calm furious

“Donny, I swear to the great lord above, if you take the last house I will take the broom and beat your head open with it you absolute tampon shitter.”

“Okay, what did I do?”

“You bought Boardwalk you son of a bitch.”

if you thought he was intense, you’re underestimating yourself

“Y/N, jesus, I’m sorry. Holy hell. Do you wanna take a break for a minute?”

“...yeah.”

he went and got you some tea to help you calm down while you negotiated a “business trade”

“Alright, so I give you Boardwalk, and in return you give me a railroad and the Electric Company?”

“Yeah, alright. That works.”

“And a kiss?”

“You’re pushing it, Mr. Donowitz.”

“I know, Mrs. Donowitz.”

Hugo Stiglitz

you and Hugo have only fought over one thing and that was when a German officer looked at you the wrong way during an interrogation and instead of fucking dealing with the problem, Hugo put a bullet through his fucking head

it was so fast that you hadn’t even noticed the way he had looked at you before his brains were all over the back of a tree in the middle of a French forest

“Stiglitz, what the hell was that? What the fuck was that?”

“That look.”

“What look? What the fuck is that matter with you?”

“On his face. It didn’t sit right with me. How am I in the wrong?”

“Because he had the look for two seconds before you popped a cap right between his fucking eyes, that’s why!”

“I was protecting you!”

“There was no imminent danger, Hugo! His hands were tied behind his back for fuck’s sake!”

“If anyone saw the way he looked at you, everyone would treat you like schissen, Y/N.”

“And why the fuck do you care so much about the way someone treats me?”

“Because I love you, damnit!”

“...what?”

“Ich liebe dich, Y/N.”

“...Ich liebe dich auch, you German bastard.”

Wilhelm Wicki

you two fought over you going to war with him

Wicki got drafted after a few years of you two dating and you were very much in love with each other and you were not about to let him go off to war without you

but he also didn’t want you going to war either

your thing was political science, not military fucking strategy

“Wicki, I just don’t see why I can’t go with you. I’m not gonna let you die out their alone with people you don’t know!”

“I have to go, you don’t.”

“Wilhelm Wicki, I do. What the hell am I supposed to do here? Sit and wait for a letter telling me whether or alive or not while I just buy war bonds and pray to God that it fucking helps?”

“You sit here away from the line of fire because I don’t want you fucking killed, Y/N!”

You look at him for a few seconds before saying what you have to say.

“Look, Wilhelm, I get your concern, but if you die, then I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do. If I go with you, then I’m giving myself a purpose, and if you die you’ll die with someone you love, someone you know inside and out. If I don’t and you die, then you’re dying alone and I don’t think I could live with myself if that happened.”

Wicki just looks at you for a few seconds before sighing, pinching the bridge of his nose, and then looking back and nodding. “Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, so much.”

Smithson Utivich

Uti and you got into a fight over the military and it was interesting

so, here’s the thing: Uti was drafted. you enlisted. and you were debating on become career

you were currently a Sergeant and had a little bit of college experience, and with a recommendation from your commanding officer in the OSS you could’ve easily become an officer

thing is, if you were to stay in the military, Uti couldn’t go with you and he was not about that

“I don’t understand, Y/N. We did our fight. We fought for the people no one wanted to fight for, we did our part.”

“Smitty, we both know damn well I won’t have the same respect unless I stay in.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Where the hell else am I supposed to work?”

“We live in Manhattan, there’s plenty of work!”

“For you! What about for me, huh? Am I supposed to just bus and wait tables or be a secretary while you get to have an actual job and get your wartime respect?”

eventually you both calm down and decide to start searching for a job together in the newspapers where you would both get the same pay (he tried finding on where you would get more)

you guys hate fighting so coming out of it with something that benefits you both? best thing to make out of the situation

Gerold Hirschberg

you and Hirschberg fought during the birth of your daughter Sarah

you know, the standard couple’s fight

“Gerry! I’m going to fucking kill you! I am going to fucking kill you!”

“Okay, okay.”

“You did this shit! I would’ve been fine, but this is shit is on you!”

“I understand.”

“You’re gonna die. You’re gonna fucking die. “

“At least I get to fuck while I die.”

the look you gave this man. the nurse had never seen so much “are you shitting me right now” in one look

“Get the out.”

“Y/N-“

“Get the fuck out.”

“I’m sorry—“

“I said get the fuck—“

“I know what you said, and I’m sorry, but we both know that I need to be here to see the birth of our child, right?”

“...fine.”

you named your daughter Sarah and when her first word was “Damn!” you were not surprised whatsoever

Omar Ulmer

you and Omar got into a fight after Operation Kino because of the sheer bullshit around everything

he admitted his love to you right before Operation Kino, after TWO YEARS of him harboring feelings, so you were kinda pissed because you had been into him for a long time and he didn’t say shit until the night he would probably DIE

he didn’t, so you did have the opportunity to argue with him

“Are you kidding me? Omar, I love you, but what the hell is the matter with you?”

“I thought I was going to die, I knew I had to say something!”

“And I’m glad you did, but you had two years, Omar! We could have died at any time during that. We were literally at war.”

“And I didn’t want to distract you from the war!”

“I was already distracted by you! Wondering whether or not I had a shot with the one guy in this entire group who wasn’t a complete asshole or smartass.”

“Y/N—“

“No, Omar, what the fuck. You don’t wait until you’re about to die to tell someone you love them.”

After a little while, you two just hold each other and cry together (shut up, he can cry. fuck you) and make up and decide where you want to live after the war. very sweet, i must say

[indigosandviolets]

Hi if you’re still writing for inglorious basterds could you write how the basterds take care of you when you are pregnant? Or what their jobs would be after the war? Love your writing! 💗

I think they’re very much like what they act like when you’re sick, but here’s all of their after the war jobs!

Aldo Raine

i feel like Aldo would work at a used car place? he gives off MAD good car salesman vibes

he could talk you into buying a weird Austrian car you have never heard of before because “you look like that kind of man. don’t you want to be that kind of man?”

but also not sleezy? he’s good at his job but no way in hell is he sleezy about it

he’s also really good at repairing them and actually turning them into something before selling them again

and also totally understands budgets for families and cars. he never scams anyone

when he does fix up a used car, it doesn’t feel like it’s used, it drives perfectly fine, always smooth, and always looks really nice

he also sells his moonshine and donny’s bar but we don’t talk about that lmao

Donny Donowitz

Donny definitely owns a restaurant and bar but he doesn’t consider that his “real” job

he runs it really well and it’s actually really impressive

he runs the restaurant well but he’s mainly in the bar when he’s at work — not because he’s drinking, but because he’s a fantastic bartender

the whole “can i speak to the manager” is fucking hilarious to him

“This drink doesn’t taste right.”

“What did you order?”

“A Manhattan.”

“That’s what I gave you.”

“Why— can I speak to your manager?”

you’re technically the manager, but you’re the manager of the restaurant, not the bad

“I’m the fucking owner.”

Hugo Stiglitz

i wrote this here (first part of post) and you two own a little General Store together up in Maine

it sells pretty much anything you can think of when you think of a stereotypical General Store

y’all also import little German and Austrian treats from time to time so Hugo can be reminded of home and so he can share it with everyone who comes into the store

he runs the front counter and absolutely LOVES it when a little kid comes up to him with a quarter and asks for a lollipop and some caramels

he also is pretty good at keeping people from shoplifting

it’s actually pretty funny because children aren’t scared of him but teenagers are

Wilhelm Wicki

Wicki is a translator! he helps immigrants from mainly German speaking countries as well as Yiddish/Hebrew speakers become citizens!

he’s really a patient guy and not only teaches them English but he also helps them study for the test

he also helps them with finding jobs and learning different skills

he’s helped some teenagers get into college!

Wicki just likes to help people, so this is really fitting for him to me

there’s a lot of German people in Chicago so he always has work and it makes you really happy to learn that he’s able to help people like that

Smithson Utivich

Utivich is a history professor! his concentration is in European history but he’s educated in a little bit of everything

he’s got a load of books on every subject and time era imaginable

he’s just a history nerd and i love it

the funniest thing to him is when he gets a kinda ignorant kid in his class

“Isn’t it a better time than ever to be Jewish, sir?”

“It has never been a good time to be Jewish, ever.”

he’s educated on religious history and theology as well so he’s ready to come at ANYONE who tries to pose a religious argument to him

Gerold Hirschberg

while Hirschberg’s a messy bastard, i can totally see him making a selling jewelry? like hear me out

he takes a messy uncut gem, sees the beauty underneath it, and turns it into something fantastic? isn’t that what we’ve done with Hirschberg in this fandom?

his favorite thing to make are ear rings. he finds them great to work with and he loves making a pair that doesn’t exactly match but still compliment each other insanely well

he’s an artist in his own manner and you have to understand that

it lets him be creative and show others the beauty of everything in the world and i feel like Hirschberg would be fantastic at doing that and if you don’t agree with me you might be wrong

Omar Ulmer

Omar’s a photographer because let’s be honest, they didn’t make him the fake photographer in Kino for nothing

he mainly gets hired for weddings but he does all kinds of events and portraits

he also does a little bit of videography here and there and he’s really good at it but he keeps it as a hobby for the most part

he has his own dark room in the apartment because you lucked out and got a three bedroom

he works exclusively with black and white film. he got colored one time and absolutely hated it (because he’s colorblind? who knows?)

he owns several different cameras, but his favorite is a small one that he keeps at the apartment for home and family pictures

[indigosandviolets]

Could you do «Sleeping with the basterds»? Like headcanons what its like to just SLEEP in the same bed? Love your work btw!

at first i thought “ooooOOOO” but now it’s like “awwwwWWWW” cause i actually love that content (i included Uti in this cause he may or may not be my favorite basterd)

Aldo Raine

Aldo sleeps deep, he’s very still, and sometimes? you can’t tell if he’s breathing or not cause he’s that fucking still

it’s lil bit scary

my man does NOT move what-so-fuck-ever

but he does mumble shit sometimes and it’s funny as hell

it is the only way you know he’s there

“Dah-gum...fuckin’ snakes...”

“Aldo? Baby?”

“hmm?”

“Where you dreaming about...snakes?”

“...why?”

now and then he’ll settle into one position where he’s cuddling you and if you wake up while he’s asleep you better believe he’s not letting go until he wakes up

thirsty? you’re gonna have to wait. you need to pee? better hold it. you REALLY need to be? you better shimmy your way out

the best way to describe it is him having sleep paralysis except HE’S the demon because he’s just totally still

but other than that he’s not too bad to sleep with

you usually fall asleep spooning (you’re little spoon cause he likes to hold onto you)

Donny Donowitz

oh my god this man fuckin SNORES

LIKE HOLY SHIT

if you ever needed more than one reason to call him the Bear Jew this is it

“Donny. Donny. Donny!”

“hmm?”

“shut the fuck up.”

he’s also a blanket hog

trust me, you have learned every move in the book into keeping your blankets but it. just. doesn’t. work.

he has talked you to sleep though

you mention one. ONE. 1 lil thing about Boston? this man has so many stories

you have fallen asleep on his chest for an hour, woken up, still on his chest, and he’s still going

“did, did you fall asleep on me?”

“Donny, it’s like two in the morning.”

“So? I’m telling a story!”

he soon realizes that him just talking can be (SOMEHOW) soothing to you so he’ll play with your hair as he talks you to sleep

you usually fall asleep with your head on his chest and his arm around your waist or his hand is at least resting on it

Hugo Stiglitz

no cap? Stiglitz kinda sleeps like a grandpa

I’M ONLY SAYING THIS BECAUSE THE MURDEREOUS BASTERD REMINDS ME OF MY GRANDPA EVERY TIME I IMAGINE HIM IN A DOMESTIC SETTING ALRIGHT

but no shit? he can and will fall asleep on the couch and denies it by saying “i was just resting my eyes”

“for two hours?”

“yes.”

*long pause* “that’s a nap, hugo.”

but he is a very simple man when it comes to sleeping, meaning that he doesn’t need much to go to sleep

now, if you do come to be bed after him, he does “the reach”, which is where he’ll unconsciously reach for you to sleep with

this only happens when you’re after him to bed though

and if he’s in bed after you, YOU do “the reach”

it’s an unconditional love thing you both do and i think that it’s cute as fuck

you two usually fall asleep facing each other with your arms kinda intertwined

Wilhelm Wicki

Wicki is the kind of guy to give you space when you’re asleep

Wicki is also the kind of guy to put his cold feet on you in his sleep and it scares the shit out of you every damn time

“Wicki!”

“what?”

“get your feet off me.”

“oh.”

he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it

so you started making him wear socks to sleep (he kicks them off in his sleep anyway so it doesn’t really work that well)

but you two don’t really cuddle that much when you’re asleep

why? because sleep is valuable and Wicki respects that to the umpteenth level

but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like to be near you

you two usually fall asleep with your back against each other and legs intertwined (HENCE THE YELLING ABOUT HIS COLD ASS FEET)

Smithson Utivich

cuddle bug cuddle bud Cuddle Bug CUDDLE BUG CUDDLE -

that is all. that is all Uti wants to do.

if you two are under a blanket he can and will cuddle you and there is absolutely nothing you could possibly do to stop it

he likes to be held and he likes to hold

so it’s always a gamble for what you’ll end up dealing with that night

“y/nnnnnn comeee backkkkk”

“uti, baby, it’s too hot”

“sooo???”

heat does not matter to this man

he will find a way to cuddle you and you can’t get around it

and you can’t be mad at him cause it’s cute as hell and you love the extra bit of care, even if it is unconditional

but no matter the position, his face is always buried deep in your neck and that’s usually how you fall asleep

[indigosandviolets]

Hey can you write HC about how the basterds would take care of you if ur sick (or drunk)? Weird request lol

yes yes yes yes yessss. these are sick headcanons AND post-war, so it’s not like it’s a real struggle to find you anything

Aldo Raine

he does use modern medicine because he’s not an idiot, but he knows for a damn fact that sipping a splash of whiskey in a certain way is gonna do more for you than a whole bottle of cough syrup

“Like this?”

“Yes, like that.”

“Jesus, Aldo, that burns.”

“You coughin’ anymore?”

“...no.”

“Then it worked.”

this man has everything to treat a cold, including a passed down recipe for chicken and dumplings that he makes you for dinner

also there used to be this medicine that was around for a long time but got discontinued in the mid 90s i think? my mom used to have to take it and she said it tasted like shit but it worked and i totally think Aldo would give you something like that

“I know it tastes like shit, but it’s for a greater good, alright?”

“You’re so fucking lucky I love you.”

Donny Donowitz

this Boston Jew behaves exactly like his mother when you’re sick

“Hey hey- DON’T YOU MOVE, I GOT A COLD COMPRESS”

swear to god, this man has no fucking chill when it comes you being sick

he’s more aggressive than your white blood cells fighting your cold

he insists on doing practically everything for you

he also has a “drug bag”

the drug bag is just a mix of a fever reducer and different vitamins to help you get over your cold, not an actual drug bag

he may be an idiot, but he’s not stupid enough to actual have a drug bag

Hugo Stiglitz

Stiglitz is kind of a busy guy after the war, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t check in on you while you’re sick

“How are you doing?”

“Better.”

“I need a percentage.”

“Uh, 5%?”

“That isn’t shit, Y/N.”

he has a whole set up for you on the couch and already has all of your favorite books set up

he tries his best at cooking comfort foods, and it’s incredibly sweet because he usually doesn’t cook a lot

but he’s trying his damn best and that makes you feel a whole hell of a lot better

Wilhelm Wicki

Wicki is almost like a goddamn nurse he’s that good at this shit

honest to god, this man could be a fucking doctor if he wanted

“Ibuprofen for the headache, cold compress for the fever, ginger ale for the nausea, and a heated blanket for the chill.”

“How the hell are you so good at this?”

“Practice.”

any ailment, he can treat it and you’re better in like three days MAX

he doesn’t like you being sick and he does everything in his power to make it stop

Smithson Utivich

Utivich, as I have already stated, is a cuddle bug, so when you’re sick, he will stay in bed with you and take care of you the whole time

this man calls off of work and takes his own sick days so he can be with you during yours

(somehow he has the immune system of a god? like what the fuck)

he reads to you and it’s great because this boy has the BEST reading voice

“What do you want?”

“Hmm...Gatsby.”

“Y/N, baby, we’ve read Gatsby twice already. You cry every time.”

“And?”

“...alright.”

this boy loves you sick or not, and if you’re feeling better, he’s over the goddamn moon

Gerold Hirschberg

Hirschberg is a little bit of a mess when you’re sick (he’s a little bit of a mess all the time but that’s not the fucking point)

he’s running around the house all the time while making sure you’re okay

for some reason when you’re sick he decides to do all of the laundry, the dishes, and clean almost everything in one day

“Gerry, baby, you gotta stop.”

“Why?”

“You can’t wash the sheet while I’m in them.”

“Oh. Shit. Sorry.”

he does his damn best and he wears himself the fuck out

you’re surprised he doesn’t get sick from exhaustion but every time you sneeze, a “bless you” follows without fail

he cares so much and it’s messy but it’s alright

Omar Ulmer

let’s be honest, if you got sick, he’s gonna get sick

he’s got a weak ass immune system

so when you sneezed you both said “Shit” at the same time, cause you both know for a damn FACT he’s gonna get whatever you get

so that night you both take a shot of elderberry syrup(fun fact, this actually does help your immune system out!) and hope for the fucking best

“Omar, I love you, but we cannot sleep in the same bed.”

“Agreed. I’ll see you in the morning.”

low and behold, you’re sick, and when you wake up he’s already prepped with your breakfast and he is doing everything in his power to not get sick too

[indigosandviolets]

Hi! Could I request a HC of how the boys of inglorious basterds would be when their drunk around you? (like flirty or goofy?) your writing literally makes my day, I reread all your writing when I need a cheer up :)

drunk bitchessss let’s go! these are a little short, and i’m sorry for the wait!

Aldo Raine

Aldo has an incredibly high alcohol tolerance. so high. oh my god.

it’s the back mountain moonshine bootlegger man, what did you expect?

when he gets drunk, though? he’s very much a sleepy drunk

like one minute he’ll be talking to you and the next he’s asleep on your shoulder and there’s nothing you can do about it because he’s not getting up until the morning when he will regret everything

“Aldo? Babe? ...oh, fuck. He’s still got his shoes on too. Fucking shit.”

but him drunk around you is almost no different that when he’s drunk around anyone else, just with a few more sloppy and sleepy kisses involved

Donny Donowitz

Donny is 1000% a possessive drunk and you cannot tell me otherwise

like not possessive possessive, he just likes to hold you and have you against his body so he knows you’re his

he’s a ... clingy drunk! that’s what that is!

“Pleaseeee I just want to hold you!”

“Donny, baby, I need to pee.”

“Why won’t you let me love you?”

Hugo Stiglitz

Stiglitz doesn’t get drunk, he just doesn’t

that doesn’t mean you don’t get drunk

when you do, i’ll tell ya, you’re all over him

not sloppily, but just know that you are indeed sitting in his lap on your own accord, not his

he ain’t complaining though

“Hugo, baby, I love you. I love you so much. I love you so much.”

“Thank you, Y/N, I love you too. Are you alright?”

“I just love you so much.”

Wilhelm Wicki

you don’t know when Wicki is drunk until he starts getting super flirty but it’s bad

like the man is a flirt in general, but when he gets drunk he has super shitty pick up lines

“Your tits remind me of Mount Rushmore — my face should be on them.”

“Wicki, what the fuck did you drink?”

“You’re lucky I have my library card on me because I am checking you out.”

“Alright. Bed. Now.”

“Bed? Why—“

“Wilhelm.”

Smithson Utivich

we all know damn well that Uti would definitely be the kind of guy to ask if you were single while he was drunk and then when you tell him that you’re married he gets visibly upset

when he’s drunk it’s like almost all common sense has left this boy along with his book smarts

“So, you come around here often?”

“Smitty, we live here.”

“Oh.”

he doesn’t really realize how drunk he is until he hits the door while walking out of a room

and he apologizes to the door

Gerold Hirschberg

oh he’s a total goof when he’s drunk

will sing to you, “colloquial-izing” about love and how you are the only one for him

this man does not know what a colloquialism is

but he thinks he does

he does a little stand-up routine in the living room while you watch from the couch laughing and cheering him on

the neighbors would file a noise complaint but they have no idea what the fuck is going on

but it’s just you two being dumb as hell over a bottle of wine and i think that’s special

Omar Ulmer

Omar is a fucking RIDE when he’s drunk around you

Omar pretty much sheds all of his fears and insecurities when he’s drunk and will do shit he would never otherwise do when sober

like one night you two went out, trespassed on federal property, had sex, came back, downed two shots and he asked when was the next time you two could go “funpassing”

the morning after conversation proceeds as follows:

“What the hell happened last night?”

“Funpassing, Omar.”

“Oh. Oh. You’ve got a leaf in your hair.”

“Do I?”

“Yeah.”

[indigosandviolets]

Hi could you write headcanons for what the basterds from Inglorious Basterds are like AS fathers? You write so well!! Aaah!!!

of course! i’ve gotten a couple of these, so here we go!

Aldo Raine

Aldo is a very loose father in that he is very leneant on rules

he is very much a, “yes, unless your mother finds out. then i had nothing to do with this, alright?”

you two have three kids — a ten year old daughter named Maria and two sons, Irving and Peter who are eight and five

they are all as mischievous and clever as their father

like holy shit, you have three Aldo clones because they mostly have his personality

Peter even has the accent, which you don’t even know how that happened

Maria and Irving don’t have it, so why the hell Peter picked it up is a complete mystery to you

Aldo loves it though

he’s taught each of them a valuable life skill as their personalities take shape

Maria? Knife welding and carving. Irving? Basic bootlegging tactics and how not to get caught. Peter? Apache phrases and code speak.

he has his own little group of basterds

Donny Donowitz

i wrote a little bit about this already in my serious dating headcanons for Donny so read there because i already included him as a father in that

but as an overview, you two have two kids — a son named Art who you call Artie who plays baseball and a daughter named Anja who is fascinated by Donny’s dog tags

Donny coaches Little League and it’s cute as fuck

he loses a lot of his edge when he becomes a father and it’s a good change for him

he’s not as much of a loose canon but you have to talk him out of doing stupid things with Art and Anja ALL THE TIME

it gives him people to come home to and a reason for him to smile and you’re glad that he’s become a much happier person in general

Hugo Stiglitz

you have twin boys named Leon and Benjamin and a daughter named Margret

Leon and Benjamin are just like you and Margret is just like Hugo

i mean exactly like him. strong silent type. she opens up to very few and for very little.

but, because she is just like Hugo, he’s great with her

they’ll watch Westerns together when she can’t sleep

Leon and Benjamin are constantly trying to get his attention and he tries to share all of the love equally

does this mean you have come home to the three of them piled on top of Hugo, all four of them fast asleep with the tv playing a random movie

Wilhelm Wicki

Stefan is your only kid but he’s you and Wicki’s world

he’s also a crackhead and the two of you together doing something is Wicki’s nightmare

he has woken up in the middle of the night to you two making brownies because Stefan couldn’t sleep

he loves hearing you read Stefan to sleep

since Wicki works as a translator for German and Jewish immigrants, he’s taught Stefan German and Hebrew

you two also take him to the Art Museum whenever you can and he always darts straight to the Suerat pieces

Stefan also can and WILL sleep in your bed with you and neither of you really mind

Smithson Utivich

you and Uti were only planning on having one kid — until you found out it was twins

“Twins.”

“Twins, Y/N.”

“Fucking — really?”

y’all are great parents though

you have two sons — Dov and Eli who look absolutely nothing alike

Dov looks more like you and Eli looks more like Utivich

you teach them Hebrew, Yiddish, Polish(Uti’s parents don’t speak English), and everything about hating Nazis from the comfort of your New York apartment

they’re the exact opposite of each other but you and Uti handle it pretty well

“Okay, so Dov wants to go to the dinosaur museum downtown but Eli wants to go to the statue of liberty.”

“So...both?”

“You’re paying the cab fare.” (Uti still cannot drive.)

Gerold Hirschberg

You and Hirschberg have a daughter named Sarah and a dog named Dog

it wasn’t your idea, it was Sarah’s

to explain how Hirschberg is as a parent, Sarah’s first word was, and I quote, “Damn!”

“Gerry, what the hell.”

“She probably learned it from you!”

“Damn!”

“Jesus fuck.”

you love her with all your heart but she’s just as much of a wacko as him sometimes

this means the two of them will poke you while you sleep in order to wake you up just to tell you they’re making breakfast

she is also constantly on his shoulders

they are inseparable

Omar Ulmer

you and Omar only have one kid named Elizabeth

he’s very involved in her interests and you two both make it a point to do what she wants to do with them

she became obsessed with Omar’s camera so you called her ‘Clicker’ as a joke

it stuck

it stuck enough for her to not realize that’s not her actual name

Omar ended up getting her a camera of her own for her seventh birthday so she would stop taking his

the only pictures she takes are of birds and you two while you’re not looking and Omar gets the film developed every two weeks

“I think this one is from your birthday?”

“Is it?”

“Yeah. When the hell did she get in our room?”

“I have no idea.”

[indigosandviolets]

Hi! Can you write headcanon about how basterds would try to handle/hide their love for a fem basterd (cuz they are her superior and thinking that's wrong in time of war) love your blog so much btw

of course! these are kinda short because i’ve been over some of the same points as some of my other headcanons

Aldo Raine

Aldo hid his for roughly a month

he did it mainly to make sure everyone was being professional and he didn’t want a relationship with you to maybe interfere with anything or have higher command up his ass

but once you guys actually got into Nazi territory, it became very apparent that y’all were on your own

and fuck it, salutary neglect the fuck out of it

Donny Donowitz

i hope you realize Donny was only able to hide his love for like a week

he tried. he really did. he wanted to be —(no he didn’t)

fact is, no woman is badass as you are to him. he likes this very much. he feels the need to tell you this very often.

Hugo Stiglitz

Hugo didn’t really have to try too hard cause he’s a relatively quiet guy

he hid his love for about two months until he told Wicki, and you overheard even though it was in German

yeah, knowing ‘Ich’, ‘Lieb’, and ‘Y/N’ are pretty good things to know when you really like a German man

he’s not worried about it, because you both know no one will fuck with him about it

Wilhelm Wicki

you two were together before the war. you went to war together, so he didn’t really intend on hiding it from the other basterds

when you two met, you were instantly attracted to one another

so he hid it for a grand total of twelve minutes before buying your lunch and asking if you were gonna be there the next day at the same time

and as long as he was gonna be there, of course you were

Smithson Utivich

Utivich, who was instantly head over heels for you, hid his love for about three weeks

the only reason you found out is because someone (HIRSCHBERG) found a fuck load of kraut booze and everyone got drunk except for Uti

and you asked why and Uti told you it was because he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of you

Gerold Hirschberg

Hirschberg is actually surprisingly good at it because he treats you the exact same way throughout because he’s been in love with you the whole damn time

so he didn’t tell you for like six months

and then one day he just says ‘i love you’ and boom he realizes he’s fucked up

but he didn’t because you said it right back, so it’s cool and you two are very much in love

Omar Ulmer

so you were with the bastards since the start, in 1942. Omar didn’t tell you he loved you until right before Operation Kino in 1944

this man held a secret for TWO GODDAMN YEARS AND IF THATS NOT AN OMAR ULMER THING THAN I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS

this man hid it until he was sure he was going to fucking DIE (overdramatic son of a bitch)

but he didn’t, so you got to yell at him for almost dying and then make out with him for not dying

[indigosandviolets]

Could I request a HC for first dances with the basterds?? Could be like undercover or on a night out or something love your writing!! ❤️

ooo, i’ve actually never seen one of these as a headcanon! i’ll do my best!

all of these songs should fit in the time period. i know it’s not important if they fit well with the time or not and even Tarantino doesn’t give a shit but i do.

Aldo Raine

Your first dance was after the war while you two were stuck in the UK trying to finalize everything about how Operation Kino came to a close. He somehow put word in to get the record wayyy before Kino was even in the foreseeable future and you know damn well this man was smug as fuck about it.

Donny Donowitz

You and Donny had your first dance after you got back home from the war. He was still having trouble with his prosthetic after Kino and he wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to dance with you ever, so you found this on the radio after you two had listened to a baseball game and you got him to dance even though he was really reluctant to at first. Once he was up, you knew he loved it.

Hugo Stiglitz

OKAY. LISTEN. HUGO IS A BIG FAN OF WESTERNS. HE LOVES THEM TO DEATH. I know this song isn’t really a “dance” song but hear me out. This man didn’t know Westerns could exist in song. He heard this for the first time at your parent’s house, and had no other choice but to dance with you in the living room. It’s actually part of the reason he won your parents over.

Wilhelm Wicki

As per usual with my headcanons about Wicki, your first dance was before the war. You two heard this song on the radio at the diner where you first met. It was pretty empty that night and you figured, hey, why not? Truth is, Wicki had been wanting to dance with you for a while but waited until the right song came on, and that was this one. Since you were mostly alone, you weren’t expecting the waitress to clap when you two finished dancing. Scared the ever loving fuck out of you.

Smithson Utivich

So you and Uti’s first dance was actually in a little motel in the middle of France during the war while you were on R&R away from enemy lines. Someone was broadcasting this on the radio and you two happened to pick it up on the tiniest radio you could have possibly had. It was a little spotty and there were some parts where the static popped, but for a first dance with Utivich? Pretty perfect.

Gerold Hirschberg

I know the title does not make this sound like the most romantic of songs, but neither is Hirschberg. Somehow, this man managed to convince you to dance with him because one of the other Basterds bet that he couldn’t make this song romantic. BOY, WERE THEY FUCKING W R O N G. He managed to make you feel loved as hell while dancing, and earned you a pack of smokes in the process (and a few kisses on the cheek from him).

Omar Ulmer

This was your first dance, and it was slow, and it was sad. It was after you two had finally confronted your feelings about each other and you were in a hospital in England because of Omar getting injured in Kino. The night before he was discharged, this song came on the radio that you had gotten him so he wouldn’t be bored in his bed all day, and you just held onto each other and swayed to the music in that hospital room.

[indigosandviolets]

Hello! I was wondering if requests are still open, if you could do a firsts headcanon for the basterds, including Omar and Wicki from ib? Thank you!!

of course! i’ve decided to go for what might be the sweetest of firsts - first kisses!

Aldo Raine

so your first kiss was after your promotion to corporal and he asked you to be his girlfriend

Donny was jokingly flirting with you and Aldo didn’t really like it too much

so he called you over and kissed you right then and there

“L/N! Get your ass over here!”

“Yes, sir?”

*smooch*

not that you were complaining, but you would’ve liked to have been a lil more prepared

but all in all, he ain’t a bad kisser

Donny Donowitz

okay so you and Donny’s first kiss was about a week after you started dating

yes, it was after he bashed Nazi heads in and he was sweaty and bloody and you were also sweaty and bloody

but he hit the nazis head just right and a tooth flew out, towards you, and you caught it

“Foul!” You called out, he knew he had to kiss you

and he did

very very passionately — i’m talking hands in hair, around waist, he would be lifting you up if he still didn’t have his bat in his hand

a perfect blood covered kiss for two blood covered individuals

Hugo Stiglitz

your first kiss came after a long day of just trekking and walking through France

you were both tired as hell and all of the basterds were sitting around the camp fire and passing some kraut booze Hirschberg found

after you guys decide to turn in for the night you press a kiss against his forehead after you think he’s asleep

he ain’t

“I thought you were asleep.”

“You thought wrong, schatz.”

so he reaches up and pulls you back down for a proper kiss this time

very very very cute i must say, especially for him

Wilhelm Wicki

your first kiss was as you were leaving the bar you guys had met at several times before and would always meet at

he stops you before you leave

“Wicki, what is it?”

“You left this.”

He reaches out his hand, grabs yours, and pulls you in for a kiss

hella romantic, i know, but if you’re reading this you know damn well i’ve established that

Smithson Utivich

Uti is actually incredibly nervous for your first kiss? like this kid is constantly anticipating it

it’s visibly obvious that he’s nervous so you pull him aside to talk to him

he basically spills everything out rapid fire

you have to touch him to get him to calm down

and it just ends up with you placing both your hands on his shoulders and telling him it’s alright and a very very gentle kiss

“Better?”

“Yeah.”

Gerold Hirschberg

lowkey your first kiss was on a bet lmao

like it wasn’t meant to be and he wasn’t really thinking about it but because he was such a pain in the ass Omar had a bet about who would kiss who first

and he kinda wanted to be the one to initiate it

and you two were celebrating over taking out a troop of thirty Germans in less than ten minutes

CELEBRATING KISS

and then Omar, from the back, shouts “DAMNIT”

“Gerry, the fuck did you do?”

“Nothing...”

and if you disagree with this you’re wrong lmao

Omar Ulmer

your first kiss with Omar was very much romantic as hell

it was right before Operation Kino (as you know by this point, no one died in my version of events) and it was very much a passionate one

“If I don’t make it out of this, I want you to know that I love you.”

“But how do you know?”

then he grabs you by your waist and pulls you in for the deepest first kiss anyone can ever imagine

and he totally gave you his dog tags too

but not before you told him that if he didn’t make it out you would kill him