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boricuacherry-blog · 1 year

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Chris Cornell grew up in Seattle, but described his neighborhood as "very white. Urban but not really urban, suburban but not really suburbia. It was lower-middle-class white." It was a place where he was introduced to drugs and alcohol early on.

"We were all selling drugs by the time we were 12, or doing them," he told Rolling Stone in 1994. "Pot or pills or anything that was easily available. My neighbors to the south had two boys who were probably in their late teens when I was about 11, and they were just huge into drugs. I remember walking by the basement window one time, and this one dude was shooting something at me from a syringe out the window. I don't even know what it was, but it was shooting 15 feet, and I'm walking by, trying to dodge this thing. Those were the kind of people who lived near me." He had said he also started drinking at that age.

The child of two alcoholics, his parents divorced when he was a teenager, after which he and his siblings adopted their mother's maiden name, Cornell, as their surrname.

Cornell attended Catholic school and after being kicked out of eighth grade (twice), he was sent to a vocational school, which he attended only briefly, bringing an end to his formal education.

"It was mainly for degenerate young people," said Cornell, who was the youngest of six (aka the "Bobby Brady," he once quipped), two brothers and three sisters. "It was the last ditch for kids that couldn't go anywhere else. The concept for me was entirely wrong because it was sort of learn at your own pace, do your own thing, and my own thing was not school. So I'd go there and not do anything at all. It was just a waste of time." (He would later start a foundation to help troubled kids in 2012, although it's unclear where the money is going, as his wife was put in charge of it).

Before becoming a successful musician, Cornell worked as a busboy, a dishwasher, a fish monger at a seafood wholesaler, and a sous-chef at a Ballard seafood restaurant.

The drug thing stuck with Cornell - or should we say surrounded him. His roommate Andy Wood, of the band Mother Love Bone, died of a heroin overdose in 1990, inspiring Cornell's band/album Temple of the Dog. He struggled himself in the 90s and early aughts, seeking treatment for addiction in 2002. (He told the Mirror in 2012 it was "mostly alcohol - from my late teens until my late 30s.")

As for his decision to go to rehab, he told Launch in 2007, "I really had to come to the conclusion, the sort of humbling conclusion that, guess what, I'm no different than anybody else, I've got to sort of ask for help - not something I ever did, ever. And then part two of that is, like, accept it when it comes and, you know, believe what people tell me. And trusting in what I have been told, and then seeing that work."

In 2015, while promoting his final solo album, Higher Truth, he talked about how his sobriety helped his music but noted he was still trying to "kind of figure out who the substance-free guy is."

"If i think about the evolution of my life as it appears in songs for example, Higher Truth is a great example of a record I wouldn't have been able to write, and part of that is in essence because there was a period of time there where I didn't expect to be here," he told Rolling Stone Australia. "And now not only do I expect to be here, and I'm not going anywhere, but I've had the last 12 years of my life being free of susbtances to kind of figure out who the substance-free guy is, because he's a different guy. Just by brain chemistry, it can't be avoided. I'm not the same, I don't think the same, I don't react the same. And my outlook isn't necessarily the same. My creative endeavors aren't necessarily the same. And one of the great things about that is it enabled me to kind of keep going artistically and find new places and shine the light into new corners where I hadn't really gone before. And that feels really good."

Shortly after getting out of rehab, in 2004, he met Vicky Karayiannis, a Greek Paris-based publicist, who also had a brother named Nicholas, a.k.a. DJ Nick Blast, who worked as an executive at a NY restaurant (leaving wife Susan Silvers).They got married and talent manager Jeff Kwatinetz was Cornell's best man, and Brittany Murphy, who was engaged to Kwatinetz at the time, was the maid of honor.

Genealogy:

Chris's father, Edward F. "Ed" Boyle, is a pharmacist from Everett, Washington. Chris's mother, Karen Ruth Cornell, is an accountant from Seattle, Washington. His ancestry is Norweigan, Irish (emphasis on the Irish because he looks VERY Irish to me), English, Scottish, Northern Irish, Welsh, German, French, and remote Manx and Swiss-German. His parents were married by a Catholic priest in 1957.

In an interview on Howard Stern's show, circa 2007, Chris appeared to state that his mother is Jewish. This is not accurate.

Chris's patrilineal grandfather was Edward John Boyle (the son of Dennis Peter Boyle and Anna Louisa "Louise" Zahler). Edward was born in Washington. Dennis was born in Renfrew, Renfrewshire, Scotland to Irish emigrants, Terrence/Terrance Boyle, of County Silgo, and Mary McVey. Louisa was the daughter of German emigrants, Michael Zahler, of Trier, Rhine (now Rhineland-Palatinate), and Ann Katarina/Catherine Stenger, of Dillishausen, Lamerdingen, Bavaria.

Chris's paternal grandmother was Anona Ruth Olson/Olsen (the daughter of Eivin/Ivan Olaus Olsen, later Olsen, and of Carrie Lorena Jones/McGuire). Anona was born in California. Eivin was a Norweigan emigrant, from Stavanger, Rogaland, and was the son of Ole Olsen Blaasenberg, later Vaaland, and of Andrine Tonnesdatter Bjuland.

Chris's maternal grandfather was Ralph Trivett Cornell (the son of Julian Trivett Cornell and Emily Keillor Emmerson). Ralph was born in Rothesay, Novia Scotia, Canada. Julian was the son of Robert/Ralph Filmore Trivett Cornell, whose parents were Irish, and of Anne/Annie Eudora Maxon/Maxim. Emily was the daughter of Henry Robert Emmerson and Emily Charlotte Record. Chris's great-great-grandfather Henry was a lawyer, businessperson, politician, and philanthropist, who as a member of the Liberal Party, was Premier of New Brunswick, from October 29, 1897 to August 31, 1900, among other duties.

Chris's maternal grandmother was Marion/Marian M. MacNutt (the daughter of James Frederick MacNutt and Clarabell/Claribel Josephine Hubbell). Marion was born in Washington. James was a Canadian emigrant, from Darmley, Prince Edward Island, and was the son of George Beairsto MacNutt and Annie McGougan Rodd. Clarabell was born in Wisconsin, the daughter of Fred Keaton Hubbell and Annetta Alta Remer.

Chris's matrilineal ancestry can be traced back to his fourth great-grandmother, Elisabeth Hoffmann, who was born circa 1821, in Hesse, Germany.

#chris cornell #bio #biography

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imperatriceauxdiamants · 2 years

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How do you manage your time? How do you organize your days, weeks, goals...?

Very long post... Click under there at your own risk.

School:

I spread my exam study at least two weeks before my exam. First week is dedicated to the harder material. Second week is reinforcing my memory, redoing excercises, past exams, etc. All the material the teacher gives is very likely relevant.

I generally study a bit in the morning, in between classes, and after my dinner. I try to have a ratio of 60% study time and 40% enterainement time.

I block out my dinner time everyday. Relax time in the middle of my school day is highly important, and I need to eat well.

Since my diploma is heavily lab-related, I go to labs as much as I can cram in. The more I lab pratice the better my scores are. Simple. So if I want high notes, I pratice more.

When I used to do my diploma in mathematics and computer science, I crammed as much excercises as possible. Again, with sciences that are math based it is important to pratice in order to understand. It's sorta silly to expect perfection after just doing 5 excercises. It HAS to become your second nature.

I NEVER sacrifice my sleep in favor of school. It is critically important.

Homecare:

I wash my bedsheets every Saturday, I wash my laundry every Saturday. No exceptions. I try to start the work early in the morning, undoing my bed when I wakeup, so it is done by mid-afternoon.

Every Saturday I do a light tidying up as well, while my laundry is being washed. Dusting off with a slightly wet rag, vacuuming, sometimes a bit of mopping. If yout ake consistent care of things, they become quite easier to clean up. There's a reason why hotel maids come to clean everyday, both for your satisfaction, and for easier work when you check out.

During the week I do consistent tidying up. Throwing away obvious trash, loading up my laundry basket, I redo my bed everyday, etc. Takes only a few minutes out of your day and has a huge impact.

Creative work:

I try to do a little everyday, collecting ideas, putting the simplest ones into action right away.

I do Art Sundays, putting on some music, starting to write, paint, color, read, etc. No limits. For you, you can fix a day of the week dedicated to your favorite hobbies. Life's not only work work work work. It is also fun.

Again, being consistent about it is easier than doing a LOT at once. I won't do a huge 15 hour project a monday evening and rather reserve it for my Art Sunday, but I will do right away a sketch idea or post idea. 've personally never really liked just letting things lingering in the mind, without output whatsoever. They clutter the mind.

Work:

Since I'm a part-time student, I never get over 25-30 hours a week. I do not recommend working more than 20 hours a week if you're a full-time student. There are studies that show there's a decrease in grades the more the student works. If you can't subsist on 20 hours a week, seek for higher pay jobs first before accepting more hours.

I've never ever given my employer my class schedule. It is NOT a good idea, since the employer can guilt-trip you into working more hours. "Hey I saw you don't have class monday from 8 to 12 can you come work please, I'm so stuck here!" is pretty hard to resist.

Have extremely solid boundaries between work, school and personal life. Refuse any hours that are excessive or heavy. I refuse to work week evenings, I refuse to work more than 25-30 hours a week, I refuse to work more than 8 hours a day for my two jobs combined. If the employers have difficulty, not my fault. I give them hours of availability, they give me work based on that and end of story.

Equally, I refuse to clock in much earlier, or to clock out way later than planned. I do as much as possible, wrap it up when it is time to close. Not being able to do all the work is management fault for over-estimating the amount of work to be done, and not my fault.

Some employers hope that by overloading you with work, you'll stress up enough to do 2 people's work by yourself. Not worth the stress. Learn to refuse. Been there done that. My personal time is valuable.

I prioritize the most paying work. I routinely refuse hours at my less paying work if I'm busy. Money wins over loyalty.

I do a few hours of freelance work on the side, when I feel my schedule is freer. Freelance work can be time consumpting so it is important to schedule more than necessary so you don't miss deadlines.

Goal-making:

I've never been much into doing radical lifestyle changes. I've had more success adapting myself as I go: if I find something unsatisfactory in my life, I go work at it right away without wasting time on hesitation. I can almost always go back to how I was, and hesitating badly served me.

Letting unsatisfactory things go wild in your life will bring your down, wether you're fine with it or not.

Hesitation is often a godawful waste of time.

The biggest realization I've had when it comes to goalmaking is that you DO NOT want it to be temporary. You want the new change to be in your life forever.

You don't count the days.

You don't think to coming to the "before". The "before" is over, there's Now, and Future only. Before is DEAD.

Past failures don't define who you are.

When I want to start a new habit, activity, I incoporate it into my life, and my identity. I'm not "picking up books sometimes", I'm an good reader. I'm not "barely starting to workout", I workout and I'm a fit person. Assuming I'm That Person helps me interorize the change is there for good. I'm not the Before Person, that Peson is DEAD. I'm the Now Person.

Continuing on previous point, I believe that one should work on their goals at least a bit every day, every single day. Compounding. It can be as little as 5 minutes, it can be as much as hours and hours. You want to reinforce that habit and that identity. Let's say you start a habit of working out, you assume the identity of being a fit person, then you go at the gym. You just go at the gym every day, cuz you're a Fit Person. On days you're resting, you go anyways just to do stretches and some light walking, no hard work. The more you go the more you reinforce the habit the more you embody the Fit Person identity.

I try to hype myself up in a positive way, rather than berating myself in a negative way. Positive reinforcement works wonders on us, we're animals too!

If I fuck up my habit routine, I tell myself it is fine and that I can do better next time. I don't have "one shot", I pardon myself and get back right away.

#productivity

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elliotluvbot · 2 years

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viper | elliot

summary: you knew elliot as a cocky, charming stoner. which was why you fell for him so quickly. but now he was a cheater, too.

notes: requests are OPEN.

thank you @snixx2088 for the idea <3

next >

All you knew was your friends and school, you were a reasonably good girl. Until the New Year's party, where you met Elliot.

You'd been fast friends with Cassie when you started high school, the two of you were so freakishly similar. And quickly, she had introduced you to Kat and Maddy. And you had no idea how you were thrusted into the popular group so early on in your high school career, but Lord knows you weren't complaining.

You received different looks, everyone saw you so differently to what you were used to. You were nowhere near this level of popularity in middle school, so the change was weird. Maddy, Kat, and Cassie were all so sweet to you, you got on with them so well, your group was tightly-knit together. And you'd gotten used to the feeling of having amazing friends, spending every moment you could with them in and out of school. All you knew was good grades, and your friend group.

The girls would often come to your home, as you were the one with the pool, with the larger-than-life bedroom, you had everything. Life was going swimmingly, your parents couldn't be happier when they'd receive your reports, and they'd reward you with a call from whatever country they were travelling to. It was the norm, them leaving you with your nanny. Even as you had grown into the smart, fashionable, social teenager you were, your nanny stuck around and she was your parent more than your own parents were.

Luckily, your nanny, Valentine, was laid back with you. She knew you were the best behaved, always, and trusted you. She was the reason you could have parties, go out late at night, had your own car, she was the reason you were who you were today. And as bad as you felt, she encouraged you to go to this New Year's party that Maddy had told her about.

"Who even is this guy?" You asked, piling into the Uber you'd collectively paid for. Maddy had the weirdest of connections, which explains why you always had a party to go to. It was tiring sometimes, but the moment you arrived, you're always having fun. You'd often disappear to take a breather, and within minutes, Maddy was pulling you back onto the dance floor.

"Some guy from school, we spoke once." Maddy replied, already tapping away at her phone. You and Kat exchanged a nervous look, before settling quietly into your seats. The last thing you wanted was to annoy the driver.

You could hear the music from outside, the bass making your chest thump. And Maddy grabbed your hand, skipping into the house with you. You'd grown significantly closer to Maddy in the many years you'd been friends, closer than you were with Cassie. Maddy would frequently call you late at night, hence you were so close. She knew all about your anxiety when it comes to parties, and sometimes other social events. And you were the person she went to about Nate, not that you had any experience with boys. You were as pure as they come.

The music felt even heavier the moment you stepped in, and you had actually searched for a drink rather quickly. Maddy had, unsurprisingly, pulled some shot glasses from her bra and cheered, you and Kat pulling a look of confusion.

"How the fuck did you keep them in your bra?" Kat exclaimed, taking one and wiping it on her shirt.

Maddy shrugged, handing you the other one. "I'm not sharing glasses with these creeps."

You'd done a few shots, and made yourself a larger drink to carry around. To sip on when you're feeling uncomfortable. The dance floor looked pretty packed, so you decided to wait a while to dance. Kat had disappeared to find Ethan, and Maddy was floating around and greeting people she knew.

You had leant against a wall, texting Cassie to find out where she was. She told you she would meet you at the party, and it had been almost half an hour without seeing her. Spotting Lexi on the couch, you had approached her to find out about her sister's whereabouts.

"Lex," you shouted over the music, bending down closer to her with a smile, "where's Cass?"

Lexi shrugged, looking over to the man beside her. You'd seen him before, but have never uttered a word to each other. He seemed out of it, but you smiled at him anyway.

"I know you," he stated, a light giggle in his voice, "you're Y/N. Jewel mentioned you once or twice." You laughed, knowing exactly who he was referring to. You nodded, holding your hand out.

"I'm Fez."

Once that strangely comforting interaction was over, you decided to call Cassie a few more times. And to no surprise, she hadn't answered. You were growing uncomfortable, you couldn't find any of your friends. Your usual spot to hide at a party, the bathroom, was locked and no matter how many times you knocked, they wouldn't budge.

So you resorted to the next best place, the laundry room. And in there, you spotted a guy. Who was bent over the washing machine, sort of like he was sniffing it. How strange, you thought. But just as you were about to leave, he had stopped you.

"I'm not weird, or anything, don't worry," he affirmed, holding his hands out like he was approaching a feral cat, "I am fixing the washing machine. I work for," he paused, looking at the branded washer, "Whirlpool."

"Okay, man. I don't care, do what you got to do." You replied, stepping back into the laundry room and leaning against the wall. The boy watched you as you closed your eyes, breathing heavily. All he could do was watch.

"Shit," he mumbled quietly, "are you okay? Are you having a panic attack, or something?"

"No, I'm fine. I just needed a time out before I get swallowed in the crowd of teenagers," you admitted, "Maddy will eventually come and find me, wanting me to dance with her." The boy nodded, looking around to find a small window, but found nothing.

"What are you looking for?" You asked curiously, watching him fiddle with something between his fingers.

"A window."

"Why?" You asked, getting the feeling you were being annoying.

"I'd like to smoke, you're free to join." He mentioned, grabbing his things from the top of the washer and shoving them in his pocket. And you silently watched as he grabbed the door handle, opened the door, and left. It wasn't long before he was back again, holding his hand out.

"Come with me." It was more a demand, and completely out of the ordinary. Your ordinary. Would your friends approve of you holding hands and going to follow a stoner outside? Absolutely not. But they would support you in getting some. If you were honest, you'd had enough to drink to know you didn't care. This guy seemed okay, no red flags waving in front of your face, so why not follow him?

Outside was just as crowded as it was inside, and he'd taken you all the way to the back of the garden, leaning against the fence with you. You watched intently as he lit his joint and took in his breath, exhaling the strong smell you didn't think you'd get used to. No matter how many times you've smelt it.

"Have you ever smoked?" He asked, noticing your disgusted face and blowing the smoke away from you instead.

You shook your head, feeling inferior to the tall boy opposite you. You were always going to say no to the risky, teenage questions he would ask, and you felt like a prude.

"No drugs, whatsoever?" He seemed shocked, his eyes widened as he stared at you.

"No," you replied, "is that a bad thing?"

He'd shaken his head this time, taking another draw. "Not bad at all, very good, actually. You're too pretty to do drugs."

"What does that mean?"

"Drugs will ruin you. They'll fuck up your health, your appearance, every thing. And we wouldn't want to ruin that pretty little face, would we?" He spoke, and the tone of his voice had sent butterflies to invade your stomach. Why were you feeling so woozy over a guy you'd met not even five minutes ago?

"What's your name?" You asked, ignoring the knot in your stomach from the way he'd just spoken to you.

"Elliot," he replied, giving you a look up and down, making you feel even more weak, "yours?"

"Y/N."

"Well, it's lovely to meet you, Y/N." Elliot spoke, a small smirk on his lips once he had discarded of his joint. "I am going back to my hiding spot, maybe I'll see you later. Or at school."

"You go to our school?"

"I'm new," he called out, giving you a small wink and doing as he said. Going back to his hiding spot.

You found Maddy once you'd walked inside again, and as she went to hug you, she quickly stopped.

"You reek of weed," she coughed, scrunching her nose. But suspicion had been her priority over telling you how badly you smelt of the drug. She frowned, grabbing your jaw and inspecting your eyes, no bloodshot, half-closed eyes. Strange.

"Who have you met?" She asked, a flirtatious tone in her voice. And you laughed nervously, knowing Maddy could get any and all secrets out of you.

"Some guy. Called Elliot. Super cute, and he called me pretty." You rambled to her, and she was squealing with you. Nobody was happier for you than Maddy was.

"That's so sweet," Maddy cooed, playing with the ends of your hair, "now let's dance."

The next time you'd seen Elliot was at school a few days later. You were walking with Maddy, talking about how distant Cassie had been. And you'd caught his eye for a fleeting moment. Between talking to Rue and Jules, he chose to look at you. You walked with such confidence, so different to the innocent sweetheart you were at the party. He never would've passed you as a popular girl, as most popular girls were bratty.

"Oh my God," Rue spoke, no enthusiasm or expression to her voice, almost as if she were reading a script, "Y/N is the girl you're talking about? Wow." Elliot frowned, leaning against the lockers and facing Rue as she scrunched her nose to alleviate the weird feeling.

"What?"

"You described a shy, doe-eyed baby," Rue joked, "Y/N is not that. She is one of the most popular girls here, she's friends with Maddy. There's no way she's as sweet as you say she is."

"That's how she was at the party, at least." Elliot suggested, his eyes still trained on your behind, watching with a smirk on his face as you giggled with Maddy.

"Maybe she wanted something," Rue commented, slamming her locker and giving Elliot a look through her hooded eyes, "she's a viper. Let's go."

As much as he wanted to believe Rue, he couldn't. You seemed too sweet to be how Rue described you. Had you even spoken to Rue? Was there some unsettled feelings amongst the two of you? Questions had filled Elliot's head as he followed Rue down the corridor, probably out of school because of their shared free period.

"How do you know she's a viper?" Elliot asked, taking the joint from Rue's fingers and lighting it himself, still following alongside her as she left the school grounds.

Rue huffed loudly, shaking her messy curls in his direction. "You're still on this? Is this how much you think about her?"

Elliot had given her a look, and his middle finger.

"Jules likes to hang around them sometimes, when I'm... up to stuff," Rue explained, stealing the blunt back from her new friend and inhaling it, "and whenever she would be around them for too long, she'd be rude. She'd act like every other stuck up cow in this city, and I just assume that everyone in that friend group is a viper in expensive clothing."

"Don't you know Cassie quite well? Do you think the same about her?" Elliot questioned, pressing further into the matter nobody wanted to talk about.

But Rue didn't care to talk about it, she just didn't care about your friend group much. "Whatever, can you drop it now?"

After the fleeting moment you caught Elliot's eye, Maddy laughed at you. And you felt like the younger sister, mocked and teased about a boy.

"What is so funny?" You asked her, leaning against the locker beside hers.

"You're so smitten," she admitted, scrunching her nose with a smile on her face, "it's cute, but a friend of Rue's."

You frowned. What did that mean?

"And?"

Maddy closed her locker, a book under her arm and lipgloss in her hands. "Rue is sweet. But she's a drug addict, I didn't know she was alive until like two months ago. And let's say you start dating Eric-"

"Elliot." You corrected.

"Elliot, then what? You hang around with him and Rue, and feel the need to join in with their drug habits. Before you know it, you're in and out of rehab just like her. I won't let that happen to you, you know that." She explained. And you agreed with her silently.

As good as a friend that Maddy was, she was equally as bitchy. She would never be rude to her friends unprovoked, but to everyone else, she didn't care to be nice. They weren't her friends, why should she care? So it had slipped your mind how little she thought of Rue, and now Elliot.

You hadn't spoken to Elliot until later that day, when you were walking down the corridor to leave, and Elliot had caught up to you. He wanted to find out for himself whether you were as mean as Rue claimed.

"Hey, Y/N," he called out, and you'd stopped in your tracks. You'd remember that charming, sex-like voice anywhere. "What are you doing later?"

"Uh, nothing. Why?" You answered, walking beside him out of the school doors. You did plan on driving Maddy home, seeing as you drove her to school. But nothing else had filled your after-school schedule. Even if you did have plans, you were willing to drop it all for just an ounce of his time.

"Wanted to see if you'd hang out," he confessed, holding the door for you and following you to your car, "your choice."

"Sounds good, I'll text you."

"Wait, you're hanging out with this guy?" Maddy exclaimed, refusing to leave your car, despite being outside of her house. And you couldn't keep your smile from your face, even as you tried to stare at yourself in your rearview mirror.

"Well, yeah."

"Oh my God, you and Kat are so unavailable now. Even Cassie is, and she's not with anyone." Maddy complained, looking at her phone. "I guess today is a Jules day."

"I guess it is."

"Enjoy your day with Edward."

"Elliot!"

It was more than just a day with Elliot. It was every day after school, every weekend. And this happened for more than a month. You'd hang out at his, at yours, at a diner, a movie theatre, a park, everywhere. You'd talk about God only knows what, your likes and dislikes, your dreams, what movies you're into. It was stupidly romantic, and you loved every second of it. But you wondered when things would move forward, so did your friends. They would always ask if it was official, they would beg you for details, and you'd give them most of it. Some parts you kept for yourself, not because they were juicy, but because they were intimate. Elliot would occasionally brush your cheek with his fingers, you'd stare at each others lips a bit too long, and he'd compliment you in every other sentence.

Elliot: R U free?

You: Yes.

You were already out of your bed and finding some sort of complimenting outfit, keeping your phone close.

Elliot: Come over.

He had it all planned out in his head. He was going to invite you over, spend a little more time with you, and then ask you out. It was perfect. Except, his nerves were off the scale. He was feeling sick as he scrambled to tidy his room, opening the window to rid the smell of weed, and make it smell somewhat good enough for you. And when he was sat at the foot of his bed, exhausted from rushing around, he realised how truly crazy he was for you. It hadn't been long, you'd only known each other for a little under two months, but Elliot was constantly thinking about you. He had no idea if this was as serious to you as it was to him.

"You're here," he cooed, grabbing your hand and leading you into his house. You were already blushing as you had gone up to his room, settling on his far too comfortable bed. He saw how cozy you were, and joined you, the two of you facing each other. And he knew this was it. This was the moment he'd ask you to be his girlfriend.

"I could stay here forever," you sighed contently, tucking your head into his pillow further, "I think this might be the comfiest I've ever been." Elliot smiled at you, seeing you so comfortable and peaceful, so unlike how Rue had described you.

"I love you."

It was a mistake.

Loving you was not a mistake, but telling you so soon was. He didn't even know if you liked him, let alone loved him.

"What?"

"I love you," he repeated, more confident in his words and his feelings. He braced himself for the worst. He was just waiting for you to say this wasn't serious and show your popular mean girl side. NO, he thought, Rue is getting in my head.

"I think I'm falling in love with you, too." You admitted quietly, as if the words falling from your lips were forbidden. But the smile on his face when you'd told him you felt the same, you couldn't make it up. You had no idea how you'd fallen in love with this guy so quickly. A random stoner at a party, ever so charming. And here you were, laying in his bed telling him you love him.

"And then he asked me to be his girlfriend," you divulged to your closest friend, as you both leant on the side of your pool. Maddy was as excited as you were, she was living her love life through yours. And that was okay. After everything that happened with her and Nate, she deserved someone who would treat her how Elliot treated you. Like you were the rarest stone on Earth, a delicate piece of china that should only be admired, not touched.

"I didn't take him for the romantic type," Maddy stated, taking another sip of the cocktails you made whilst Val was out grocery shopping, "you should have him over. Let him meet Val, meet me and the girls, too. It would be nice."

"A little too soon, don't you think?"

Maddy shook her head, putting her drink down and swimming into the center of the pool. She laid on her back, letting the warm midday sun hit her face and shoulders. She spent more time in your pool than she did at her own home, but you weren't complaining. As an only child, it was very lonely with just you and Val. Maddy was like your step-in sister.

Your relationship with Elliot was sweet, he'd always be thinking of you, inviting you over to hang out with Rue and Jules, although you felt out of place with them. Rue, as funny as she was, seemed disinterested in you. Jules was sweet to you, as you'd spent a lot of time with her before. But Elliot managed to make you feel comfortable, always holding your hand, letting you lay on his chest, playing with your fingers and hair as you all spoke.

It had shortly stopped. Elliot would always be busy, spending time with Rue and Jules. Not that you minded, you had friends of your own to be with. But it was strange, he'd stopped inviting you over, only wanting to spend time with you when the other two weren't available. Your mind would wander into many reasons why, distracting you from your conversations with Maddy and Kat.

You wondered if something had been said between the three of them. Whether Rue had told Elliot that she didn't like you, and decided not to invite you over. Or Elliot felt weird having his girlfriend with his best friends, three girls all in one room. Was it too much?

"You're not here today, Y/N, what's up?" Kat questioned quietly, laying beside you on your bed. Maddy was fiddling with your speaker, trying to connect her phone to it. It was the weekend, and Val had offered to have your friends round for a girls weekend, which you'd never turn down.

"Oh, nothing. My mind is just not on planet Earth today." You smiled, squeezing her arm to show your affection, and before Kat could answer back, you heard Val's voice.

"Y/N, honey, Jules is here!"

Jules? I thought she was with Elliot and Rue, you thought, standing up to invite her in. She was stood at your door, fingers tapping on her wrist nervously and her lip was quivering, she looked distraught. You frowned, thanking Val and inviting Jules in.

"Is everything okay?" You asked her, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. Jules shook her head, running to your room faster than you could. And within minutes, you, Kat, and Maddy were all comforting her as she cried.

"Rue and I are done," she whimpered, and you were holding onto her hand tightly, "she ended it with me at Elliot's, I didn't know where else to go." What the fuck happened at Elliot's? You wondered.

"Why did she break up with you?" Maddy asked, bent down opposite her and resting her hands on Jules' knees.

Jules eyes flickered to you and then back down at her trembling hand in yours. "I don't want to talk about it."

Strange, you thought, but you were more than happy to have her at girls night.

"I'm sorry for leaving you out, baby," Elliot hummed against the skin of your neck as he laid on you. You smiled, knowing you forgave him far too easily, but you didn't care. Moments like this felt amazing, especially with Elliot.

"It's okay, I just don't understand why. Does Rue not like me? Do I make things awkward between you guys?" You questioned, and Elliot looked up at you, his hand still resting on your cheek. He shook his head, caressing your soft skin and realising just how at home he was with you.

"It's not me, I promise," he assured you, "if it were up to me, I'd have you over every day. It's just Rue thinks you're a popular brat. Actually, she called you a viper. I have tried to tell her otherwise, but it's Rue." Your heart seized, but you weren't going to let it hurt you. You hadn't ever had a conversation with Rue, so for her to make this assumption based on your popularity was wild.

"She doesn't see you how I see you," Elliot whispered, moving his head up to kiss your jaw, "and that's okay. Because you don't need anyone's validation, you don't need to be liked by everyone." It was true, but you wanted Rue to like you. She had no reason not to.

Your moment was interrupted by your phone, constantly buzzing on your stomach. The two of you stared at it as your group chat was going wild, Elliot nuzzling further into you as you read through it.

Cassie: I miss you guys, come over tonight.

Maddy: Where the fuck have you been?

Kat: You've been dead for like three days, Cas.

Cassie: I'm sorry, girls night?

Maddy: I'm in.

Kat: On my way!

You: Sounds fun, see you soon! <3

"Duty calls," you sighed, pulling away from the comfort of your boyfriend and seeing a frown on his face. You just giggled, pressing small kisses to his lips as you stepped off his bed.

"Flake. Come over after? You're more than welcome to stay the night," he smirked, his finger tracing over your thigh and you were putty in his hands. You'd slept together a few times already, and his sheets were infectious. You never wanted to leave, that was the problem with staying at his.

"Maybe I will," you mumbled, leaving a lasting kiss to his lips and finally leaving.

Cassie had drinks going for all of you, dancing around her living room, and it was the most fun you'd had with her for a long time. Cassie had been so unavailable recently, nobody knew why, but she was here now. That's all that mattered.

You were talking with Lexi, when the doorbell rang. Lexi had opened it to see a rather sweaty looking Rue. You frowned, seeing her run up the stairs and lock herself in the bathroom. And Rue's mom had shortly followed her into the house. You, Kat, Maddie, Cassie, and Lexi were all stood in the living room, confused as to what the fuck was happening.

"What the fuck is going on?" You asked Maddy quietly, seeing her shrug. All eyes were on Rue as she sat at the top of the stairs, head in her hands. She was sweating, shaking, she looked minutes away from throwing up.

Rue's mom was begging her to get back into the car, but she wouldn't listen. Rue looked like she was having a breakdown, and you wanted to comfort her, but she didn't even like you. It consumed your thoughts, you needed to know why she had such an issue with you. Why she called you a viper, why she stopped Elliot from inviting you over.

"Rue, are you okay?" You asked, and silence fell upon you all. You regretted it immediately, why were you consoling someone who didn't even see you as remotely nice?

Rue shook her head, a small, psychotic chuckle coming from her lips. "The last thing you should be worrying about is me, Y/N. You should be worrying about that whore, Jules." You were confused, and the way Rue spoke to you felt like she was scratching as your skin with such violence.

"Why?"

"Oh, you don't know? Elliot didn't tell you? They fucked, Y/N, they fucked."

Your ears were rumbling, your cheeks felt hot to the touch, you felt a lump in your throat. It all made sense, all the restless nights thinking about why you were suddenly rejected by this unbreakable trio. And now it made sense, Elliot was a fucking cheater. And it hurt even more to know you comforted Jules when Rue broke up with her, and this is why? You comforted the girl that fucked your boyfriend.

"Oh, that cunt is so lucky he's not here right now." Maddy huffed, holding your arms and bringing you into her. You didn't even cry, you felt numb. This guy that you'd fallen so deeply in love with, the guy you shared everything with, he'd thrown it all away. You believed him, you believed it all when he said he loved you, when he said there was no girl on this Earth like you.

He stuck his venomous fangs into you, whilst looking at you with such love and lust, not a care in the world about what he was doing to you. Elliot was instead, the viper.

#elliot euphoria #elliot fanfic #euphoria #euphoria fic #euphoria imagine #euphoria elliot

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i-write-sometimes-blog · 4 years

Text

The new girl (Rey x Reader High School AU)

Request: There were two that were very similar, both involved a party or social gathering and Rey or Reader getting a bit jealous when someone hits on them so I kinda fused them. Here are the original requests 1 / 2

Words: 3,202 (by far the longest one here)

A/N: This is honestly one of my favorite things I've written for this AU!! Hope you like it as much as I do.

The music got louder as Rey and you got closer to Poe’s place to one of the many parties he organized in his house, one of the things that made him quite famous on school and why many students had their eyes on him.

“Does he really needs to do all this parties?” asked Rey scoffing. “I mean, this is like the third this month.”

“But this one’s special, Rey. It’s his birthday.” you said walking down the street towards his house,

“Okay, I’ll forgive him this time.” she giggled. “Oh, Y/N. I invited someone, by the way” she said stopping a few feets from the door which confused you a little bit.

“Who?”

“Her name is Zorii..” she said and you repeated her name in your head, it wasn’t familiar. You knew all her friends but this girl, you had never heard about her and it disconcerted you.

“Do I know her?” you asked as your mind couldn’t find an answer.

“She’s new in my mechanics class, she helped me with my task so I invited her, I forgot to tell you.” she explained “Do you think Poe would mind?” she said with a worried look on her face. You shook your head and gave her a comforting smile.

“No, don’t worry. He’ll be totally okay with it.” you told her.

The powerful roar of a motorcycle engine made you turn your head over your shoulder. You saw the vehicle coming fastly closer and it stopped right in front of you. It was a grey racing motorcycle and the driver wore black leather jacket and gloves, a golden helmet covered her face. She raised the black visor of her helmet revealing a pair of emerald green eyes and long lashes.

“Rey!” she said excited, her voice a bit muffled by the helmet.

“Hey!” Rey greeted with a wide smile. “I’m glad you decided to come, Zorii.”

The girl chuckled under her helmet before she took it off, a light brown mane fell gracefully on her shoulders. Then you saw finally her, she had some delicate features, high yet soft cheekbones, a playfully smirk and an intense gaze. You had to admit that she was a really attractive girl, as you had to admit you felt some insecurity starting to build up in you as this hot girl came closer and greeted Rey enthusiastically.

“You sure there will be no problem?” she asked Rey and she immediately shook her head.

“No, everything’s fine.” she said. Rey noticed you were out of the conversation, it was normal, you didn’t know this girl, so she took your head and pulled you a little closer. “Zorii, this is my girlfriend Y/N,” she said and then she looked at you with a smile. Zorii smirked at you for a moment a bit surprised to see you.

“So this is the famous Y/N.” she said “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Rey just won’t stop talking about you in class, I’ve passed the last weeks hearing about you.”

“Really?” you asked and you couldn’t suppress the smile on your lips, yet there was doubt in your brain. Weeks? Rey hadn’t mentioned anything about Zorii until now, but apparently they knew for weeks.

“Well, shall we?” asked Rey gesturing towards the door.

Poe’s house was filled with students, you recognized most of them from your classes but there were also a lot from other grades. Some were dancing at the rhythm of the music holding the typical red cups as they moved across the room, others preferred chatting a little bit or visiting the snack table. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, specially the birthday boy who was dancing in the middle of the dancefloor and clapped as the song was over. He saw you then.

“Y/N, Rey!” He almost yelled “Thanks for coming, grab some drinks, I’m gonna find Finn.” he said smiling but his grin almost faded away when his eyes met Zorii. “Did I drink too much or am I really seeing you, Zorii?”

“Hi, Poe.” she said.

“Wait you know each other?” Rey and you almost screamed at the same time as you looked speechless at them.

“Long story” Zorii explained.

“You don’t really wanna know.” he added “I thought you were in Kijimi.”

“I was, I moved here a few months now.” Poe nodded now with his smile back.

“Well, welcome. Grab a drink and then we’ll talk, whatcha say?” he raised an eyebrow at Zorii but just laughed for a moment.

“You’re still the same, Dameron”

Your friend winked at her before he made his way back to the dancefloor. It was moment to find the snack table and some drinks. You guided Rey and Zorii through the crowd already knowing exactly where everything was in this party for the dozen times you’ve been here.

When the three of you had a cup you searched for a corner where you can chat, Zorii seemed to interested on know you better, though you believed her really interest was Rey, they seemed to had a lot of this to talk about due their mechanics class, the only thing you could do for a while was smile and nod in agreement.

“Zorii, I have to tell you, I really love your motorcycle.” Rey confessed in the middle of the conversation.

“Thanks, babe. You know how to ride?” the green eyed woman asked leaned on the wall.

“No, I’ve driven some cars, but never motorcycles.” Rey said.

“That can be arrange” she told her before she took a long sip of her drink. “Name a day and I’ll teach you.”

“Really?” Rey grinned with her eye full of true happiness.

“I’d be delighted” the other girl answered.

While they talked you were like a shadow, just standing there but not really with them, for a moment you even thought they had forget about you, laughing with one another, while slowly the tension on your body grew with every new smile and new joke between them at the point that it was hard to keep smiling but you forced yourself to do it. You felt Rey’s gaze from time to time on you, you didn’t want to ruin her good mood.

A new beat filled the room as the new song rumbles through the loudspeakers and more students moved to the dancefloor excited to move with the new hit.

“No way, that song slaps!” the new girl yelled already moving with the rhythm and singing some of the lyrics. “Let’s dance!”

You were so distracted in your head that you didn’t hear Rey when she asked you to dance with her, was until she rested her hand on the lower of your back that you noticed she was talking to you.

“Sorry, what?” you asked confused, Rey was looking at you with a heartwarming smile.

“Wanna dance with me, milady?” she told you. You doubted your answer, you weren’t exactly in the mood.

“I-I, no right now. You go, love.” you told her and her eyes filled with concern.

“Is everything alright, Y/N?” she asked you.

“Yeah, great. I just feel a bit dizzy. Maybe it’s enough booze for me.” you said forcing you to let go a chuckle as you looked down at your barely touched drink.

“Rey! come on!” Zorii yelled already in the dance floor moving her slim figure with the music.

“Gimme a moment!” Rey yelled back. She turned to you, “I’ll be back soon. Will you be okay?”

“Yeah.” you told her, she smiled and gave you a soft kiss before she left your side to join the rest of the guest.

You couldn’t help to follow her with your gaze, she walked up to her new friend and start moving with her, shaking her head from side to side as she rose her arms to the music, her bright smile always adorning her precious face as she danced close to that beautiful new girl.

Seeing her that happy with other girl made you felt a strong pain in your chest as your brain worked probably more than it should. They were just friends, damn it, a part of you was screaming at you to stop thinking things that were clearly just work of your insecurity and yet the other part of you sounded louder. She looked so happy with her, they can speak for hours and hours and for a moment you thought Zorii was better than you in any sense: she was beautiful, hotter, she knew more about one of Rey’s passions than you, mechanics but most important she made her laugh.

As the thoughts started to overwhelm you there was a lump stuck in your throat and the tears threatened to fall down, you felt like you were going to break down in a matter of second. So you decided to leave, Rey was happier with her than with you.

You rushed through the crowd, urged to find a place where nobody could see you. Gladly you knew this house so you easily found the bathroom and you locked yourself inside. Sighing deeply you tried to get those thoughts out of your head, calm yourself a little but your mind just wouldn't let you. You had to get out of that place.

You took your phone and dial a number on the screen.

"What?" He snapped as soon as he answered the call.

"Ben, can you pick me up?" You told him hoping your voice wouldn't crack.

"Isn't it a bit early? Didn't you say to pick you at eleven?" He asked a bit confused.

"Ben" you cut him off "please."

There was a silence and then you heard his deep voice again.

"I'll be there in a minute."

"Thank you." You said hanging the phone. Now the only thing you had to do was wait for him to arrive.

You sat on the edge of the small tub just waiting for your brother, the time seemed to pass so slow and you felt the tears pooling in your eyes as you thought of Rey having so much fun with Zorii out there.

Then finally a text appeared in the screen of your phone. "I'm here" it said.

You took a deep breath and cleaned your face before you leave the bathroom, racing to the door praying no one would notice you leaving. But she did.

Rey was looking for you, wondering where you may be hiding. She knew you just too well, she had an idea of what was going on and the idea of that upset her. She knew you were a little insecure sometimes, who wasn't, to be honest, insecure from time to time? But it was a bit sad that even when she tried to cheer you up you seemed not to notice she had only eyes for you.

"Y/N!" she said and you stopped. "There you are, I was worried something happened to you."

"I-i have to go, Rey." You said. "Sorry."

"Are you alright?" She asked concerned.

"Yeah, just," you showed her your phone "mum called, uncle Luke's in town. Family dinner." You lied. She stared at you for a moment trying to figure out what was really going on.

"Wait, I'll walk you home." She said.

"No, don't worry." You told her and swallowed hard "Ben's here." You saw the small smile on her lips fade away but she nodded.

"Okay. See you tomorrow?"

"Sure. Please tell Poe I'm sorry." You said and then you raced to the door, regretting your words and actions immediately.

The black car was waiting for you and you felt a bit relieved when you got inside. Your brother, however was a bit confused when he didn't saw Rey with you.

"Where's your nerd girlfriend?" He asked.

"She's not coming" you answered in a barely audible voice.

"Why?"

"Can we just go, Ben?" You pleaded.

"Y/N..."

"Just drive the car!"

He rested his hands on the steering wheel and then he looked at you.

"Okay, what happened there, Y/N?" He said serious as his eyes focused on you. "And don't even try it, you can't lie to me."

You sighed but refused to look at him.

"There's a new girl in town." You murmured.

"Go on."

"She's in class with Rey and… she's here." You stopped yourself to clean a lonely tear that made its way out of your eyes.

"I see where this is going" your brother said. "Let me guess, the new girl and Rey are suddenly so close, right?" He told you and you nodded.

"She's so pretty and cool, damn it! I think Rey prefers her over me." You snapped hiding your face on your hands.

Ben opened the glove box and handed you a package of tissues. Then he chuckled.

"I think my little sister is jealous." He grinned.

"Hey!" You protested.

"You are, Y/N. You're comparing yourself with that new girl, fearing to lose your precious Rey, but it's not gonna happen."

"What do you mean?" You asked cleaning your face. He rolled his eyes.

"You're hopeless!" He chuckled again. "Rey loves you, Y/N. It's more than obvious"

"But…"

"She's not gonna change you for that girl, she loves you just too much to do something as stupid as that" he told you. "I know I spent most of my time fighting with her and saying I hate her, but she tries her best to make you happy."

"Yeah, she does." You let go a soft chuckle remembering all the things she have done for you, hiding in the first place, back when you two started dating. Every other person would have said no but she was willing to be with you even if it was in secret. And your chest warned up with those memories.

"She's just being kind as she is with this girl. But you have nothing to fear, Y/N."

He was right, all this chaos was just made up in your head, product of your insecurities but you never stopped thinking about what your brother said not all the good and bad things Rey and you've been through. She wouldn't change that for a new girl.

"Shit, I'm such an idiot!" You blurted, knowing you may have hurt Rey with your actions.

"First thing you say today I agree with." Ben joked. You glanced at him angry and then you hugged him.

"Thanks" you murmured. "I have to go back inside. Mind to wait?"

"Nah! I'll be near. Just call me." He told you.

You got off the car and walked to the house again.

"Hey! If she does something stupid, I'll kill her." He yelled and you shook your head before getting in the party again.

Desperately you scanned the room looking for the girl you loved in the crowd. She was not dancing, not anywhere to see, but you did caught Zorii.

"Zorii." You said as you approached to her. "Where's Rey?"

"Hey, Y/N. I thought you were leaving." She said a bit confused. "Rey looked a bit upset, she said she needed a drink. I think she went to the roof."

"Thank you, Zorii." You told her and rushed to the stairs.

There she was, looking at the night city with a drink in hand as she talked with Finn.

"I thought everything was fine, but she left so sudden." She said and her voice was filled with a mix of doubt and sadness.

"But you said she left because she had a family emergency." Finn added.

"She was lying, Finn, I know her." She sighed "I just wish she would have told me what happened."

You cleared your throat making them both turn around to meet you. You stayed there for a second until Finn spoke again.

"I'm gonna go for another drink." He said and smiled when he passed by your side before rushing down the stairs. Meanwhile Rey drank the last drops of her drink and waited for you to get closer.

"I'm sorry." You finally told her.

"For what?" She asked confused.

"For everything. For lying to you but mostly for being a complete fool."

"I don't understand." She said. "What is this about that made you escape?"

"Zorii" you murmured feeling ashamed. "you never told me about her and back there with all her cool clothes and her bike, not to mentioned her. You seemed so happy with her… I guess I got a bit jealous." You confessed her. "And I'm sorry."

She took your hand.

"Zorii's just a friend. She's new here and I was once the new girl too. I know how it feels not to have anyone. And then there was you, Y/N, always helping me out. I don't know what would had happened if you haven't been there for me." She told you gazing at you. "I'm offering a hand like you did for me once." She said.

"Gosh, now I feel even more stupid." You told her closing your eyes only to open again them when you felt Rey's soft hand over your the side of your face.

"Hey, you're not stupid, don't ever call yourself that." She told you rather angry but then her kind smile was back on her face.

"Sorry, I'm acting like a child." You said "I know this sounds very stupid, but I thought I was losing you."

"You're not getting rid of me that easy, sweetheart" she joked actually getting a small laugh from you. "Now seriously, you're not going to lose me, I love you more than anything, Y/N." She told you and you felt the blush spreading over your face.

"I love you too, Rey" you told her "I mean it"

Rey pulled you into a short but affectionate kiss.

"I know" she murmured before she leaned to met your lips again in a now more passionate way that let a big smile on your lips as it ended. You stayed for a moment looking at this amazing girl in front of you wondering how did you even got so lucky to meet and to be with her. "Now, you owe me a dance." She said smirking.

"Yeah, I think I do." You giggled. "I'm sorr…"

"If you say sorry one more time I'm gonna really think about kicking your ass." She told you. "Come on, Y/N, let's find our friends and enjoy the night." She told you as she intertwined her hand with yours.

You followed her down the stairs back to the party where the loud music surrounded you. Soon you were dancing close to her to the beat of the music, she looked so beautiful under the neon lights that lighted the dancefloor, you admired her as her body seemed to float with the music and the way her eyes lighted every time she caught you looking at her, she truly only had eyes for you. So you enjoy the rest of the night with the girl you loved the most, hoping those insecurities would never come back to you, because you really didn't have nothing to worry about, Rey loved you just as you were.

Tagging: @1-800-depressedlesbian

(In case you want to be tagged for specific things or everything I write, just let me know)

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artificialqueens · 7 years

Text

Sad Boy Chapter 1 (Biadore) - Splatt

A/N- So, I’m just gonna go ahead and warn you all now that this is my current angst outlet. Thanks to C*nt for reading over this and helping me with the name! Without further ado, here’s my superpowers AU!

Bonnie Noriega’s last pregnancy was eventful to say the least. Not because she or her little baby, Danny, was unhealthy, but because strange things kept happening. Bonnie was told at eighteen weeks, that her baby boy could now hear, and she and her family should start talking to him. She was told he wouldn’t respond for another month and a half, but could hear her nonetheless. At eighteen weeks, she would talk to her baby, and her children would talk to their brother, and things around them would vibrate. She dismissed it as pregnancy brain at first, but the weeks went on, and she eventually ended up back at the doctor. The doctor at first didn’t believe her, but still asked if Bonnie could demonstrate, so she sat in the uncomfortable doctor’s chair and sang to her baby until the paper roll that lined the chair started slowly spinning. The doctor asked her to keep going and started up the ultrasound machine.

“He likes to listen to music. He really moves things when I play music for him.” Bonnie told her and fondly rubbed her stomach, making the roll stop moving.

_-_-_-_-_-_

Baby Danny always seemed to be into things he shouldn’t have been. Bonnie would go out shopping with her infant son, and brightly colored objects would fall into her cart or into his hands. At two, he learned how to get a cookie out of the cookie jar from across the room, and he got a spanking when Bonnie realized that all the sweets in the house were gone. At five, he started school, and he was warned that he wasn’t allowed to move anything unless it was directly touching his hands. His siblings teased him by calling him “Brujo” until Bonnie sat them down and told them that Danny was just different, and that’s okay. Danny just took the name as a compliment and threw small objects at his siblings heads whenever their mother wasn’t paying attention.

He went through middle school and high school with only a few mishaps. He ended up switching schools halfway through seventh grade because of a little temper tantrum that ended with pencils stuck in walls and ceilings, and a stapler floating threateningly in front of one girl’s face. They soon learned that there was a strong connection between Danny’s emotions and the manifestations of his abilities consciously or subconsciously.

At home, Danny tested his mental strength in more ways than just homework. He learned that he could lift heavier objects with his mind than his body, but he would get migraines that lasted for hours or sometimes (in the case of the time he moved his mother’s car) even days the same way people would get muscle aches after a vigorous workout. He regularly pushed his siblings across rooms and stacked things on them while they slept just to see how softly he could set things down, or if other people could somehow feel his telekinetic touch (It turned out they could feel a pushing sensation just like if he was actually touching them).

He learned that he had more precise control if he moved his hands like he was moving whatever object rather than just following it with his eyes or willing it with his mind from another room. He also learned that there was a limited radius, and unless he knew exactly where the object was in relation to himself, he couldn’t move it if he couldn’t see it.

He found that solids were the easiest to control, but it wasn’t impossible to move liquids or gases. He sat with a glass of water in front of himself for hour perfecting picking up the water from inside the glass in marble sized drops and bringing them into his mouth, and it was always hilarious to him that he could send clouds of fart into his siblings’ faces if he concentrated hard enough. When he started smoking, he used it as a way to do cool party tricks and control the wisps of smoke to contort into different shapes.

He learned pretty quickly how to control himself, and after the stapler incident, the only times he really had any trouble with things flying off of walls or into people or just kind of floating was when he had panic attacks. He managed to control it through American Idol and through Drag Race and shows and gigs and meet and greets and so many other high stress situations, and he didn’t tell anyone through all of it.

That is, until he was sharing a hotel room with one of the other queens one night during the BOTS tour.

Roy sighed and got up to go to the bathroom while Danny tossed and muttered in his sleep. When he came out, he swore he felt hands on his shirt pulling him towards Danny’s bed. He let out a short scream and struck at the empty air in front of him, but once he realized no one was there, he wrote it off as his tired mind playing tricks on him and quickly made sure Danny was still across the room asleep before starting to his own bed again. But yet again, he felt the sensation of hands pulling him towards the younger queen. He looked down at his shirt and his jaw dropped when he saw the front of it being quite literally pulled by some invisible force towards Danny. Roy began to silently panic, and Danny did much the same in his sleep. Tossing and turning turned to thrashing, and the pull on Roy’s shirt got stronger, making him jerk forwards and fall onto the end of the boy’s bed.

Danny jerked awake and yelled. The alarm clock on the night stand between their two beds flew across the room along with a pen and pad of paper, and an empty drawer in the dresser across the room. Roy was pulled up and into Danny’s reach.

The older queen scuttled backwards, nearly falling off the bed, but Danny held out one hand and made a fist, and Roy stopped mid-fall. Danny gently pulled the fist closer to his body until Roy was upright again and fell back, himself, to catch his breath.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I had a nightmare, and I just… I’m sorry.” Danny rambled. “Are you okay? Did anything hit you?”

For once in his life, Roy Haylock was speechless. He looked around at the mess across the room and down at his shirt again to see if it was still being tugged outwards. He looked back up at Danny and made a helpless, panicked noise in his throat.

Danny shook his head and laid back down. “I mean- there must have been an earthquake. Are you okay?” He turned away from his friend’s questioning eyes and buried his face in the pillow.

“There was… My shirt. What the fuck, Danny?” Roy smoothed out the wrinkles in his tank top and tried to form coherent phrases again.

“Just go to sleep, Roy. It was an earthquake, right?” He pulled the blanket over his head defensively.

Roy looked back at the clock and the drawer and then to all the things in the room that hadn’t moved. “Earthquakes don’t just affect some objects. What the hell just happened?”

Danny pulled the covers around himself tighter. “I had a nightmare. Just let it go, okay? Go to sleep.”

“I’m dreaming, aren’t I?” Roy asked. “This is a dream. That explains it. I’m still asleep over there.” he nodded towards the empty bed.

Danny sighed. “Sure. You’re still asleep. Now let me sleep, too. It’s late. Or early. I don’t know, the clock is all the way over there.”

“Maybe you should pick it up, because that’s the only thing that’ll wake us up on time, and if I’m not dreaming, I’d really rather not be late tomorrow.” Roy suggested. “But I’m pretty sure I am dreaming.”

The clock floated up out of the corner and back onto the nightstand. Danny poked his head out and plugged it back in manually before resetting the time and the alarm. “There. Now go to sleep, Haylock.”

Roy gaped at the clock. “Danny, am I dreaming? Please tell me I am.”

The boy hesitated.

“I’m not, am I? You just moved that without touching it. You didn’t even look at it. Were you pulling me to your bed before?” Roy stood up, but a weight on his shoulder and back pushed him back onto the bed.

“Please don’t be scared. I’m the same Danny.” He sat up, and the pillows behind him adjusted themselves to support his back against the headboard.

“I'm… I have to go.” Roy quickly scrambled to stand up and open the door, but Danny slammed it shut again.

He got out of the bed and held his hands up in surrender. “Roy, please don’t run away. I’m not going to hurt you. Think about it. Where are you going to go when you leave? We’re stuck on a bus together for the next two months.”

Roy shook his head. “I’m going to Shane’s room. I’m sure I’m dreaming right now.”

This time, Danny let him go. When the door closed behind him not quite slammed, but definitely more forceful than it needed to be, Danny broke down. He laid back down on his bed facing the empty one where Roy had been only a few minutes before and let the tears come.

His mother had told him this is what would happen if people found out, but being a romantic, he had said everything would work itself out when they found out, and he hadn’t believed her.

In that moment, the rose colored glasses cracked and faded. Roy left him. He would tell everyone.

Danny was alone.

#biadore #bianca del rio #adore delano #sad boy #superhero au #angst #splatt #rpdr fanfiction #canon compliant

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mollyfamous · 6 years

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I went to a Chinese Medicine Doctor today.

A very kind friend suggested I try Chinese medicine, and offered to pay for the initial consultation. So, today was the day.

I had no idea what to expect, but I was hopeful I would at least be actually heard. And I am so proud of how well I communicated today, and I want to record the whole experience as best I can remember.

He had questionnaires that asked all the right questions about pain and sleep and digestion, in addition to the usual questions at a doctor's office, as well as the front and back full body diagram to show where your pain is, like they do at Chiropractors. And I put it all on there, except I forgot the TMJ and wisdom teeth and headaches.

And then, we went into the room, and he started to ask about my spine pain from the drawing on the questionnaire.

And, I said, "Can I just take a few minutes to tell you what this body has been through? And he said, "Of course."

So, I decided to try to go chronologically, and then I started to tell him about hurting my lower back in grade school, then I paused, and said, "No. FIRST, I want to tell you that I am a survivor of childhood abuse and neglect, severe neglect." And that I learned young not to show pain because I had been expected to walk and sit normal with welts from my wait to my knees. Then I went through falling off the monkey bars in grade school and injuring my lower back but never telling anyone and how it has ached ever since, and then my shoulder (and what the doctor did, and how it healed wrong) then the middle of my back where they said I have a rib that dislocates that started in Minot, then the neck injury in 2002, and what the doctor did to me then, and how the crookedness was plain to see on the x-ray but the doctor said everything looked good, and it was soft tissue damage, and I had reached "maximum recovery." Then the 14 inch long two month straight as a log constipation + stomach infection + car wreck in the beginning of 2016.

That was as far as I got before he said, "Wow!! Your body has been through a lot! You got nine lives like a cat?"

Then, he examined me briefly, and asked me a bunch of other stuff, like do my hands and feet get cold even when I'm not, all of which were yesses. Then, he asked if I would like him to explain his diagnosis. And he drew this as he explained.

He drew the yin-yang, and explained the principles of light/dark, heat/cold etc. Then, he drew the line 0-120, and explained that Chinese medicine looks at the flow of energy. He liked western medicine to fixing and tuning a piano, and eastern medicine to making music.

Next, he drew the sun above and moon below, and a circle to show the motion of light/dark, hot/cold, summer and winter.

He likened grief to autumn, which is the circled arrowhead on the right. He talked about how grief pulls energy in. He said the cure for grief is anger [my emphasis], but not wild anger. Not mean anger. Focused anger. Determined anger. He drew anger as the arrowhead on the right, and talked about how anger puts energy out, but that I am not pulling in enough energy for anger, so my grief is stuck, which he diagnosed as lung/large intestine disharmony.

Next, he drew the arrowhead on the circle pointing at the sun. He pointed at anger, and said anger pulls out energy, but joy, way up here in summer, pulls out even more energy. And he said joy is the cure for fear, which he drew as the arrowhead pointing at the moon.

But, he said, if you don't have enough energy for anger, you certainly don't have enough for joy. He then said I have liver/spleen disharmony, and talked about the spleen being an earth organ, and how I need to reconnect with earth.

Then he said I also have "a little bit of" a heart/spleen disharmony, and said that is why my trunk is warm, but my hands and feet are cold. He said my chi is stuck in my middle and can't flow, and that's the multiple circles in the middle of the yin-yang.

He said the last patient he had with insomnia he prescribed two weeks of hiking. When I said I'd been camping, he said, "Great! Keep doing that!" He also said no electricity after 9pm, not even a lamp (which I am disobeying right now, but I want to get as much of this as I remember recorded before I forget it all). He said he was going to recommend some dietary changes that he would give me a printout of, and said he wants me to eat as much as I can, as early as I can. He explained that my eating before bed (which is what doctors have always told me to do) is basically putting energy in right before trying to sleep, and that is also part of why I can't fall asleep. He wants me to keep doing my protein shakes in the morning, but as early as I can. And he said when I crave sweets, I need to eat things like sweet potatoes and carrots.

He then asked me to strip from the waist up and lie down face on the table, which had a face rest like a chiropractor or massage table, while he stepped out of the room.

When he came back in, he said he was going to have the use the small needles because I'd never had accupuncture before, and while he was putting them in, he said there were a couple spots he couldn't do because I don't have enough body fat. I have no idea how many he used, because I couldn't feel them once they were in, but I know there were several on my neck and upper back, a few others in the middle and lower back, some in my left shoulder, some somewhere around my ankles, and a few in my ears. When I asked if I looked like the dude from Hellraiser, he said, "Almost!"

When he got them all in, he stepped out the room, and told me to relax. I have no idea how long it was because I was actually pretty comfortable, maybe 3 to 10 minutes?

Then, he came back in and took them all out. (A few of them itched for a minute after he took them out.) Then he said I was all done, and to come out front when I dressed.

So, I got dressed, and went out there, and he gave me the printout about the foods he wants me to eat. He said next time he will leave the needles in much longer, and may occasionally come back in and turn them. He also said he may try another treatment. I asked if he would be my official doctor, and he said he'd be honored. I asked when I should come back, and he said, "It's up to you."

So, basically, best doctor visit ever. No trauma. No worsening of injury. No run with the first symptom out of my mouth. No impatience. No antidepressants. And he actually listened to me.

No. I'm not fixed, but at least I have hope for the first time since Dr Barnes died.

Thank you, Julia! You kinda saved my life by giving me this gift, and I am grateful.

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tryingtobreathe520-blog · 7 years

Text

I'm So Sick (Part 2)

I was 14, just promoted to High School and trying to shake off what my therapist had called "clinical depression". It had been the most difficult 2 years of my life. I'd flunked science in 7th grade because my teacher literally put me to sleep (my first F!!!😭), and 8th grade, I'd almost had a perfect GPA, except I had a teacher who didn't teach (it was all diet books and yoga poses), which killed my interest in Algebra, and I've never gotten that back. However, there were the other teachers that constantly inspired me to keep going. One history teacher was one wardrobe change away from being a hippie and I loved his class. My English teachers inspired me to read more books than the city librarian thought humanely possible, and my best friend, H kept me wanting to wake up, through all of my pain. I never told H about much of my life before, but she accepted me the first day we met. Even though I was basically an Emo/Loner and she was cool and popular, we got along, and there were many times she stuck up for me that I'll never forget. She taught me how to be a true friend, and I thank God for that every day now. She had made me promise that I wouldn't cut anymore. My aunt didn't like her because she was White, and believed her to be the person who introduced me to cutting. I never understood the whole racial division growing up. From the Black community, it was always "Whites this" and "White people that", but I never listened to a word of it. My friends came from everywhere; Black, White, Asian, Russian, Middle Eastern. My aunt believed that me having an affinity for rock music had to do with our friendship, but I'd always loved rock. I started trying to get out more, so I decided to spend a weekend of the summer at a family friend's house. Some of their relatives were there, and there was drinking. Many neighbors came over. One of their friends suggested that I try some and I thought, why not? That's what teenagers do, right? I trusted everyone there, so I drank and drank well past my limit. The last thing I remembered was being taken to a bed snail trying to push someone off of me. I was raped that night by multiple people. I remember the voices, but none of the faces. If you've ever been raped, you know the feeling. Like a sinking of your heart to the pit of your stomach and it seems like everything is lost. Whether you are a man or woman, you know this feeling. Wrongness and violation. No one knew what was going on, and I'd been so used to hiding the pain that I just pretended nothing happened. I'd realized it was some of the neighbors because everyone else's voices, I knew. However, I'd remembered just then the stories on the news about grown women who would try and tell the police, only to be ridiculed and shunned by their family and friends, so I kept it inside. I was already close to losing everything. I didn't want to lose any more. I went home and, ironically, the summer reading was on the book Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, which helped me to cope with what had happened that summer. School started up and it didn't take long for H to notice that something was wrong. After a few weeks of drastically over-thinking it, I finally told her what had happened to me. She wasn't angry at me, but concerned. I just felt relieved to tell someone. She understood and supported me as best she could. Do you ever sense when something bad is coming, like a chill in your bones, or a churn in your stomach? That's all I felt on the walk home that day. I'd gotten out early. I started making up poems in my mind to distract myself, thinking of Shakespeare and Homer's works as inspiration, but the feeling wouldn't shake. It was like a vile slime stuck to my skin. I was vacuuming the house that day. My aunt was at work. My brother was still at school. My 2 year old cousin sat on the couch watching me and my aunt's SO was on the computer. When I finished, her SO called me over. He'd placed his son in his lap and asked me a question. What do you do when you really like someone? The first thought that popped into my head was that he was finally proposing to my aunt. So, I gave him the obvious, "I don't know, but you should ask my aunt". I started to get up when he told me that he was talking about me. I couldn't hide the look of disgust on my face or the feeling of vomit coming from my stomach. I told him I didn't like him like that because we were related, which he countered saying, not by blood. I wouldn't have cared if he was my 5th cousin 12 times removed, it just wasn't right. He was at least 40, and he was saying this in front of my cousin, his son. I started to put up the vacuum when he stopped me, saying that if he wanted sex, he could get it. I was so terrified because of what had just happened that summer, that I couldn't move. I wanted to scream. I wanted to call someone. I couldn't move. He kissed me before I knew it and I had to stop myself from throwing up. I left out as fast as I could to get my brother. All I could think was how much I hated him. I hated my family. I hated God. I hated myself. I never once saw myself as attractive. Most guys in my school had made it a point to say how unattractive I was. And to be family? I had to stop halfway to stop myself from crying. I had nowhere to go. I couldn't call my mother. I had no one's number. My aunt would probably find a way to blame me. What would happen to my brother? It was the first time I had intentionally done it, but I forced myself to feel nothing. I got my brother and walked home where I started to cut again.

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privilege-archives · 7 years

Photo

JUNEAU MOTTA ➝ FOURTH SIBLING

I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN

❖ FULL NAME: Juneau Sage Motta. ❖ PRONOUNS: She/Ze. ❖ AGE: 22. (October 17th). ❖ BIRTH ORDER: Fourth. Twin to Third Motta. ❖ GRADE: Senior. ❖ MAJOR: Art Therapy, with a minor in Business. ❖ SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Homosexual. ❖ ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Demiromantic. ❖ FACECLAIM: Vanessa Lengies.

I'LL FOLLOW YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE ME

[TW: MEDICAL JARGON, HOSPITALS, TUMORS, SEIZURES]

Juneau Sage Motta, better known as Sage (or Junie, but only if she loves you), was born as the quintessential middle sibling to Al and Stacy Motta. Not only was she stark in the middle, but she was the middle triplet. Sage had always been quiet, unsure of herself, but generally an internally vibrant and kind girl. Losing her place in the world made her soft. She didn’t find her gifts immediately like Dena, nor did she have her personality completely figured out like Maddox. Sage was her own person, even if she had no idea what that was.

While her triplet found solace in front of the camera, Sage rather liked to be behind it. She would always hover around the shots, either during filming or photoshoots, gazing in awe at the way certain lighting or camera angles or editing could make the scene look completely different and absolutely beautiful. Sage’s love of all things visual stemmed from there, and she would often accompany her sister to shoots in order to practice her own style of photography. From the time that she was about twelve years old, Sage began to experience intense headaches.

An emotional headache would come in the form of their mother, Stacy, walking out on them. It was hard enough to comprehend the death of their grandmother, but Sage wasn’t sure what to make of her mother leaving, either. Dena took it the hardest, and while Sage tried to be there for her sister, she found it more difficult to watch her family slowly unravel. Always the sort of background caretaker, she did everything in her power to make sure that all of her siblings were alright. Of course, there are some wounds that cannot heal, and the aftereffects of being abandoned so young have resonated quite visibly in Sage.

However, she didn’t have much time to grieve. It wasn’t very long after Stacy walked out on the family that they were thrown with another hardship. Reports from Sage’s schoolteachers quickly reached Al Motta, informing him that Sage’s performance in school was very quickly deteriorating. Her vision was poor, she seemed to be in another world during class time, and her personality had very gradually been turning for the worse. The only class she willingly participated in was art, something that has stuck with Sage from the beginning of time. Al and the rest of the Motta’s chalked it up to Sage’s grief from dealing with Stacy’s departure and a need for glasses, but things were much more serious than they could have imagined. Everything came to a stopping halt when Sage had a seizure during an assembly at school. Humiliated, she was immediately rushed to the hospital where a neurosurgeon sent her in for an MRI and CAT scan that revealed the truth: A benign tumor had formed within Sage’s skull. Thankfully, it wasn’t cancerous, but it was in a part of her brain that would prove to be tricky to remove.

Petrified, Sage had no choice but to go through with the surgery. It wasn’t cancer, they said, but she still had to endure radiation treatment and was constantly on watch in the hospital. In some ways, it was worse than cancer, as the surgery was a delicate process and one that somewhat made her not want to live through it all. Combined with the anti-seizure medication, the radiation, and the various therapies (art, plant, music) Sage managed to find her will to live again.

The downside of all of this was that because of the tumor’s location, it had an irreversible effect on her personality. Gone was the girl who was bright, full of love and laughter, and in her stead was a hollow shell of a soul. Nothing fazes Sage, as it should, but she exudes a terrifyingly calm and chilled demeanor. She has little patience for those who irritate her, and you can never really quite tell what she thinks of you, which is how she prefers it to be.

Sage was about sixteen when all was said and done, and after spending the majority of her tween and teenage years from the inside of a hospital, she opted to be homeschooled instead, so she could take advantage of art classes at a nearby community college. Some might have been weakened by such a near-fatal blow so young, but not Sage. She threw her heart and soul into trying to make a difference. Sage was seventeen years old when she founded her charity, Carpe Diem (a sick wordplay on seize the day, in honor of her own illness) and became a spokesperson for brain injury and seizure treatment. The charity works to provide treatment for those patients whose medical insurance cannot cover the expenses of brain surgery or seizure medication, as it can get quite astronomically expensive.

She was accepted into Pacific State a year early, having finished her homeschooling, but instead chose to take a year off to really launch her charity with the knowledge that she would eventually return as head of it. She’s currently an art therapy major and business minor at PSU, and just launched a line of zen coloring books. All of the proceeds go to her charity, as the Motta’s are rich beyond all reason and she would rather put the money towards something that is more worthwhile.

BABY, THERE'S NO OTHER SUPERSTAR

Sage, for all of her faults, is very much a sight to behold. She is always dressed from head to toe in black, even in the dead of summer. She always wears a black choker around her neck, and she can usually be found wearing some kind of hat in order to cover the scar on her head from her surgery. Regardless, she always wears her hair down for this same reason, even though her hair covers it. Sage’s posture is poor, and even though she tries not to make herself much of anything, she tends to stick out due to her drastic wardrobe choices: leather, combat boots, etc. Sage has three tattoos: a feather on her left wrist, an ankh on her right hip, and Isis, the ancient Egyptian goddess on the back of her neck.

YOU KNOW THAT I'LL BE YOUR PAPARAZZI

Stacy has not been in the picture in a long time, but she was once an extra on a movie with Al Motta, who is a very well known actor and has been since he was a teen. Their youngest daughter, Caila, has been acting since she was five months old, and is still an active actress, singer and judge on both the X Factor and America’s Got Talent.

#privjuneau #privsage #privmotta

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