#so apparently my coping mechanism is making my loml the asshole in a fanfic based on my shit experience

[kiyoramen]

The things you’ve said, done and didn’t pt2

(pairing: HQ!Suna x Reader)

At the end of the day it’s just you versus the world, not you and him versus the world, just you. He’ll be fed up one day (you just know it), he’ll be sick of waiting for you to be vulnerable, sick of waiting for you to fully open your heart to him. But you can’t because he’ll leave, you just know it.

“I love you, Y/n,” he says through the phone (he never did say it to you in real life and you wonder why not), “I’ll always be here for you, I’ll accept all of you even the ugly, you know that right?”

“Thank you, Rinnie.” Will you be though?

“I promise, baby.”

Your heart swells with his big words, but despite it can’t compare to the void his actions left in your heart. The sweet nothings (exactly as they are: nothing) he says everyday are meaningless as you ponder everyday as to why?

“For Christ’s sake, Y/n just tell him, I hate seeing you like this,” says Osamu while you two walk to the garbage disposal area, “He’ll listen, Rin would always listen.”

 “But will he understand?”

You both fall silent for a little while.

“I’m sure he’ll try to.”

“Okay.” You respond unconvinced.

 

Under false pretenses, you call out to Suna asking him to come with you outside the classroom, he followed and the classmates he was talking to let him go, believing the excuse. It’s the only way that you could think of that wouldn’t raise suspicion.

“What is it?”

“Rin, I’m jealous.” You say immedietly, his question left a crack on a bottle that was about the burst, “Until when do we have to play pretend? That we aren’t seeing each other?”

“We aren’t pretending,” he protested, “We talked about this, Y/n. We aren’t pretending, we’re just not telling anybody else.”

You feel your eyes well up with tears and you stop yourself before they fall because you cannot be a crybaby right now.

“But it feels like we are, I even had to call you out with a lie, Isn’t that pretending? Isn’t lying too much?”

“To not tell anybody else we’ll eventually have to lie about some things, Babe,” he argued, “but we’ve talked about that already, so move on, who are you jealous of?”

Caught off guard about how swift he moved to a different issue you couldn’t bring yourself to respond immediately. Suna sighs and you remain rigid, questioning yourself yet again. Maybe I am just being petty?

“Well?” he inquires.

You look away, “Nevermind.”

“No,” he grabs your hand and rubbed the back of your hand with his thumb, “let’s finish this before the bell rings please.”

You breathe, melting with the slightest touch and you curse yourself for being easy, “I’m jealous of Haru.”

“Why would you be jealous of Haru?”

“Becau-“ The bell rings.

“Dammit,” Suna curses under his breath and turns to look at you, “let’s continue this later okay? I’ll make time for you, baby, I promise.”

You were happy with what he said at first but then wish you didn’t as all you want to do after class is cry yourself to sleep as you see him talking and smiling with somebody else yet again during class.

pt 3