#so come the appt talking and preparing I’m gonna be asking so many questions bc I don’t even think I want all the tissue out

[red-revival]

Cant wait for when I get top surgery to give the surgeons a headache with all my questions

[goodestboyryuji]

some healing things :)

met with therapist on monday. she was late to the appt so we only got 20 min but she did it for free and she’ll do a full session for free too as an apology. we talked about boyf cheating and how it just felt like another thing to add to the list. we started coming up with real actionable things to get ready to leave the boyf. therapist recommended i continue reaching out to ppl and telling them, in whatever ways/capacity that is comfortable, what i’m going through since i’ve had so much success and warmth from YOU GUYS and my closest 2 friends.

told a coworker yesterday my boyfriend thinks i’m fat. i work at a local, non-chain gym and i LOVE working there. i’m not on the fitness staff but we’re all an actual family and it’s a really great place to be most of the time. the coworker i told this to is a very straight shooter, would kick your ass into gear if you needed it, etc. i could tell he didn’t think boyf was completely in the wrong (not that i’m fat but just in the blunt-honesty thing) until i told him how boyf tells me i’m fat. he seemed pissed but didn’t say anything.

then today i saw the same coworker and he asked me how i was doing with the boyf. accidentally??? ended up being like ‘ya he’s a dick so i’m gonna be here all the time bc i don’t want to go home’ and coworker asked me a series of ‘yes or no’ questions that i wasn’t under any obligation to answer. felt compelled to be honest. convo ended with coworker telling me to call him anytime, telling me he would beat up boyf if necessary, and also that he’s a hunter so he can shoot a gun lol it was very touching, considering how stoic this coworker usually is

it inspired me to email my boss, the ceo of the company, to ask him for a few minutes of his time. i wanted to see if i could hang around work after my shift bc i have no where else to go except home and i don’t want to go home ha. boss came up 2 seconds later and said ‘what about now?!’ i was like fuuuuu bc i wasn’t prepared but i said yes anyway. i tell him vaguely about what’s going on, and he’s like ‘WE ARE YOUR FAMILY I WILL DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOU IT CAN BE ALL ANONYMOUS I KNOW SO MANY PEOPLE I CAN GIVE YOU MONEY FOR A NEW PLACE OR TO BREAK YOUR LEASE’ like it was so?? sweet???? wanted to cry tbh

i finally feel like i’m getting somewhere with this. i’m starting to let go of the little things. the big things will be a SHIT TON harder but this feels like real progress!