#so i need to kinda retrain my body now that its all locked down and whatever

[bloodanddiscoballs]

getting my blood drawn today to see how I'm reacting to the level of testosterone that I'm on! she already plans on increasing it but depending on how I'm doing so far absorbing she'll recommend taking a supplement or whatever. I'm also gonna have her swab to see if ive got a sinus infection cause I feel like my cold is teetering on the edge of that

[wellplacedrocket]

Sidequest Log | Technology is (probably) not gonna replace your bartender, but it’s still pretty damn cool

When I’m at a bar having a beer, the tap handles tease me. They make them so ornate and visually interesting now, and each beer has its own brewery-designed handle. They are works of art unto themselves; it’s like a statue park, except each statue represents something interesting and delicious going into my mouth. I fantasize about being my own bartender, expertly and with flourish pouring out my own glorious nectar of the gods into a tilted pintglass, knowing just when to stop so it doesn’t foam over.

I didn’t know that anyone had ever packaged my longing into a business plan, but this is 2018, so I guess that should have been obvious. On a whim recently, I impulsively stopped in Tap Society on 46th St. and Grand Ave in Minneapolis. I expected a typical burger bar with ESPN on TVs, and instead I spent the next hour or so getting my head around an entirely new (to me) business model: a self-serve bar.

I stuttered out my stupefied captivation with this idea to General Manager Michael Nienaltowski. What wondrous Narnia have I walked into here? He replied “Yeah. So obviously as you said, the tap wall, the self-serve tap wall, is really the star of the show here.”

It was very kind him to coach me up, because even though Tap Society is super simple, I’m so used to the standard bar procedure that I felt like I was fumbling every step of my whole be-my-own-bartender fantasy.

“We were looking up there and when we first came in, I thought that was a bar,” said Josh Peterson of Minneapolis, indicating the long table next to the tap wall. “There was someone over there and we thought that's the bartender. Then I realized. So once we figured it out, it's kind of cool.”

“I like that you pour your own beer, I think it’s fun,” added Tina Dunlap, also of Minneapolis.

When you enter, you “check in” at a station near the door and they scan your debit/credit card, hand it back to you, and you get another card from the bar - your Tap Card. Then you walk up to the tap wall and grab a glass.

Each pair of taps has a small screen above it, and then the beers’ names, styles, ABV, and cost per pint are posted on larger TV screens a few feet above. You insert your Tap Card into a slot, which unlocks the tap, then stick your glass under the spout, and fulfill your self-bartending fantasies. You can see the price of your pour accrue on the small screen above your tap, like you’re at the gas pump. It tallies that charge to your Tap Card. When you’re ready to be done, you turn your Tap Card in to a human or drop it down a box. Your name has already been associated with that Tap Card, so they read it from there and know what to charge your debit/credit card. No cash used at all.

So let’s pros/cons this thing! First of all, you can pour as small a glass as you want, and you’re only charged by how much your pour. They had a Märzen that I wanted to try just a bit of, so I got a pour that was about $1.70 - a few mouthfuls. Anticipating the draw that sampling would be with their tap wall, they have plenty of small glasses available. You can easily make your own flights. “I've had many customers come up with smaller glasses and pour six or seven different beers and it costs less than 10 bucks depending on what you're drinking,” Nienaltowski said.

Secondly, there’s no one to tip. Food is ordered from kiosks, and you’re getting your drinks yourself. Floor staff consists only of a few customer service people to help coach customers up as needed or answer questions, and “food runners” who bring it out to you. I don’t want to get into virtue signalling about my tipping habits, but I’m aware that bars and restaurants have carved out embarrassing minimum wage exceptions and expect their staff to be almost entirely paid in tips. When pressed a little, Nienaltowski said they pay “competitively,” and I wasn’t sure what that meant. I tend to be very skeptical of business posture toward labor, no matter how nice the businessperson is. But later, I was assured by a kitchen guy out on break listening in that he’s pretty happy with his wages. Net result for me was my total tab was noticeably lower than it usually is, thanks to short pours and no tip.

Now I’ll strawman up some downsides. First and foremost, if you’re into cocktails, you’re SOL. There’s no one to make them for you, so they don’t even bother. I suppose they could premix some gin and tonic or something and put it on tap if they really want, but eh. Literally the only time I ever order cocktails at bars is if I’m there because it’s specifically a cocktail bar and I’m splurging on fancy. I will concede that lowball glasses full of lime wedges and rows of weird bottles with pourers in interesting arrangements behind the bar are more visually interesting than Tap Society’s tap wall, which is all digital and kinda antiseptic.

On a related note, if you go to bars specifically for bartenders, Tap Society again strikes out. Bartenders have a romanticized vocation in our culture, and I get it. I’ve had a great time chatting to bartenders, the job tends to attract those who are comfortable schmoozing and multitasking often demands people of quick wit and efficient focus. I’m aware they’re at their job and therefore a captive audience, so I never want to dominate a bartender’s attention. But a good bartender can cheer you up, get a laugh, blow your mind, and make your night.

I wouldn’t want all bars to ditch their bartenders, and they won’t. But I think there’s room in the economy for tap walls, and I was having too much fun playing with the taps to miss the person who’s usually pouring them for me. And if it’s really busy, it’s far more efficient to let each customer come and line up at the tap they want (if there even is a line) than to create the customer service choke point of 25 people mashed against the bar all politely jockeying for elbow space while 4 bartenders hustle with little sense of any queue order.

Bartenders reading might think this tap wall is the enemy, here to put them out of a job. When I texted my dad about what I’d discovered, his response was “No bartenders. More unemployment.” Fair point! Is Tap Society the vanguard of the next wave of the Tech Priests of Silicon Valley, here to sacrifice real human livelihoods at the alter of technological efficiency?

“I think instead of looking at we are saying we have less people, I think it's the way we utilize the staff and when we have them on,” says Nienaltowski. He figured when it’s slow, they probably have the same staff size as they would if it were a normal sitdown bar/restaurant, but fewer staff compared to the standard model during busy hours. “I don't think it's necessarily looking at it as we cut bodies for automation to save a dollar, it's just the way our model works. It doesn't require all those people. And the people that we have, we utilize their strengths in different ways.”

It was unfair of me to try to make him speak for the entire socioeconomic footprint of technological advancement. He’s defending the employer and focusing just on how Tap Society works. But my dad’s grumble still holds, obviously. Tap Society is a medium-sized establishment, and it just isn’t going to hire as many total workers as it would if it were a normal bar. They’re obviously not devoid of the human touch in there. It was slow, and I chatted with humans the whole time I wasn’t taking pictures. I don’t know what the solution is to automation’s effect on the economy. Some kind of national job retraining and relocation assistance program, I guess.

Here’s a definite downside: no happy hour! I feel they could easily program the tap wall to drop the prices during certain hours. Not sure why they don’t.

You also might thinking that it would be super easy for all the local drunks to post up and knock back Miller Lite after Miller Lite with no gatekeeper keeping them from getting shitty. Valid concern. The Tap Cards only allow so much pouring before the card locks and you have to check in with a human to unlock it again. I’m not sure if it keeps track of volume or total tab applied to the card or maybe even alcohol consumed, tracked by ABV. It’s not a big deal to get your card reset, BUT it would be a problem if you were trying to buy a round for your table. I was at about $16.00 when it locked up on me, and I was done anyway, but it would fill up the card quick if there were other people involved.

I don’t think places like Tap Society are ever going to replace all your favorite bars and bartenders. But I stopped myself when I was about to type “I don’t think it’s going to revolutionize the bar/restaurant industry.” I’m not so sure about that, when I think about it. The tech is really, really cool, my friends. And as someone for whom beer accounts for 99% of my bar selections, it’s a simple, fun, interactive, and overall less expensive way to deliver it to me, with plenty of room for a tantalizing selection. If you like going to bars and drinking beers a lot, Tap Society and places like it might be perfect for you. And if you’re worried it’s another digital interloper trying to supplant a sacred analog ritual, that’s probably not going to happen. Probably.

“I think you can have both,” Josh told me. “I don't think this is the way where the world is going to go, but having a couple of these around, I don't think would hurt anything. And it’s cool, it’s a concept.”

“The problem is, you just always need a human,” said Ryan Lagieski, also of Minneapolis. “We’re not to the point where everything can be automated."

[imaginary-exchanges-blog]

Kal’s Story Part 15

Your Body: *your body’s eye’s close and it releases a breath. A few minutes later, sparks dance across your skin, and eventually fire coats Your Body’s body* Hey! I did it!

...

*you realize the fire is burning through you clothes...

...

Scales just caught on.*

Your Body: !!! Quick! How do I put it out?! *the fire flares up even more*

*trying to hold back a small laugh*

Here. *lacing my fingers through Mine/His* Focus on moving the energy right here, and only here. And just breathe.

(I see you there, trying to wrack up those rmpoints)

*he closes his eyes and the fire moves from all over Your Body to just the hand.*

Your Body: Hey, check it out I did it! (He completely missed your flirt attempt...)

*a gust of wind blows over you two, and his fire goes out*

Your Body: Rats.

Nova’s Body: *smirking* Oh, my bad.

Tama’s Body: Tama, wrong way.

Nova’s Body: I know. *he flicks his hand back and it knocks over a can with a gust of wind*

Kal: (Woww okay) *I look down at our hands, still laced together* Good job! *I pull my hand away* Soon it’ll be a lot easier to control

Your Body: *Looks down at your hands* Ah-... nevermind.

Century: FOR GOSH DARN’S SAKE, CENTURY YOUR POWER IS TOO HARD

Gold’s Body: *meditating* Actually, its quite the opposite, you need to focus on being fluid and relaxed. A cloud is never in the same place twice. *she takes a deep breath* You are focusing too much on force and physicality. Relax. Smell the air, feel the moisture.

Kal: *laughing at their conversation* Luckily things went a little smoother for us...though you might want to change your clothes

Your Body: *looks at her burnt clothes. A little too much movement could 100% rip it and show a little too much.* Nah, I’m good.

Gold’s Body: *places hand on the ground. The pathway becomes gold, but the moment her hand lift, it returns to normal*

Rose’s Body: How... did you do that?

Gold’s Body: I relaxed, and focused my breath, synchronizing it and my energy so that as I sunk deeper into the ground, I also pushed my energy into the earth.

Rose’s Body: ... *she looks upset*

Century’s Body: *he looks annoyed*

Gold’s Body: *she looks calm*

Tama’s Body: How about we take a break? Training all night would be bad for our heath...

Your Body: Well, if we’re stopping, I’ll change.... *she looks at you* chaaaaannnnge....

Kal: *a little bit of an ‘oh shit!’ moment* yeah, uh, that. We should do that.

Your Body: Ah, uh, we’ll be inside. *heads in and looks back to see if you’re following*

Kal: *i follow*

*you both go into Tama’s room, lock the door, and close the blinds*

Your Body: So, uh, how are we gonna do this?

Your Body: Do you want me to... close my eyes?

Kal: Um....sure

Your Body: *she closes her eyes* You know, if someone came in right now, this would look very weird.

Kal: Definitely. *hesitantly* Right now, I’m using your eyes and you’re using mine...what do you think the chance is that we’ll remember?

Your Body: I don’t think so, since we’re retaining our memories from before the switch. *she shifts, and looks uncomfortable.*

Kal: *exhales* Okay. *I carefully pull the shirt up and over her head, and it lands on the floor near us. Soon there’s a pile of clothes on the ground*

Your Body: *exhales* Huh, not as cold as I thought it would be. Must be your fire power. *you can tell she’s trying very hard to ignore what’a happening*

Kal: *gently, I grab her hand and lead her into the bathroom, to the shower*

(Even I’m feelin awkward man XS)

*One shower and a change of clothes later*

*You both walk outside, blushing. Outside, you so Nova and Tama have changed clothes. Tama looks embarrassed and Nova looks bored*

Kal: I guess Century, Rose, and Gold are gonna take a little while longer. So what do we do now?

Nova’s Body: Rest. We have the rest of the night off, but... I don’t think any of us could sleep if we wanted to.

Tama’s Body: Um, do you wanna tell them or...

Nova’s Body: ? Them them what?

Tama Body: You know, what you told me.

Nova’s Body: Oh, yeah. Nova and I just changed by ourselves since we don’t know how long this will last, we all might be in it for the long haul. Better get used to it.

Kal: *looking over at Scales/My Body* Maybe..

Tama’s Body: So... there’s that. And something else.

Your body: What?

Tama’s Body: *rubs the back if her neck* Well... I’m not longer classified as a person.

Nova’s Body: And I am. If the government catches wind of this, Nova will go through hell.

Tama’s Body: ... *she looks nervous and uncomfortable*

Nova’s Body: So, maybe we should keep this on the down low. Talk to the teachers about it-

Century’s Body: Hey! Let go of me you jerks! If you don’t I freaking strike you with lightning!

*a breeze is picking up*

*Men in suits come in with Century, Gold, and Rose’s Body’s arms behind their backs*

Man 1: Which of you is Tama.

Tama’s Body: That would be me-

Man 1: Cut the act. We know you switched. Who switched with Tama.

Nova’s Body: I did.

Man 1: How?

Nova’s Body: *Explains what happens*

Man 1: ... Take Project Tama’s body right away, we must begin retraining.

Nova’s Body: *Steps in front of Tama’s Body* Like hell you will. *the wind is growing stronger*

Man 1: Ex Project Tama, do not make this difficult-

Nova’s Body: You’ve made things “difficult” all my damn life. I think I can demand something now, especially since I am no longer classified as a Project, you pieces of shit!

Man 1: Ex Project Tama, please watch your lan-

Nova’s Body: FUCK. YOU. I will say whatever the fuck I fucking want to you fucking shit. *you realize she’s been holding back a lot of anger.*

*the wind is strong*

Nova’s Body: If you don’t want me to blast you all out of here, right now-

Man 2: You think you can handle all if us?

Nova’s Body: *Leans back into a stance.* I definitely could. I may be in a different body, but lots of my training was mental and all that *he taps his head* is all up here.

*the sky crackles with lightning and the wind is howling. However, it is not effecting your or your friends. Just the Government Agents*

Man 1: ... You have a week.

Nova’s Body: You wanna die?

Man 1: *he glares* You wouldn’t.

Nova’s Body: *directs his hand backwards and blasts a tree into small pieces. You see Rose’s body flinch* You wanna TEST that?

Man 1: *he looks between the tree and Nova’s Body* You have one month. After that, we MUST begin training.

Nova’s Body: ... Fair enough.

*the wind dies down but the sky still booms with thunder and lightning.*

Man 1: Let them go. *the men let go of your friend* We’ll take our leave. *they leave*

Your Body: ... I dunno about you guy, but I thought that was pretty cool. Kinda scary, since Nova’s usually pretty chill, but super impressive.

Kal: *studying Nova with empathy* At least they’ll leave us alone for now..