#so i wrote on both their lids 'Dont tilt!!!' complete with three ! each

[orcelito]

after the trials of today, if anything happens to those 8 vats of tea i made, i am going to go full ???%

[5-falsehoods-phonated]

So tumblr ate the ask of course, but @multi-fandom-remy (I hope this was you that requested this my memory is not good and if it wasnt I'm sorry) sent a fic request where Janus has alexithymia and Remy falls for him regardless. Gonna just post it this way, suck it hell site!

I had to do some research for this as I dont know anyone who has this and I dont personally experience it. I tried to write it as accurately and respectfully as possible but please let me know if you feel I wrote it wrong or in a way that's offensive.

Three Times Janus Didn't Understand and The One Time Remy Did

Summary: Janus has alexithymia and doesnt understand what hes falling for; Remy is perfectly content to teach him.

Warnings: none really. Just not understanding ones own emotions. Ts spoilers if you havent watched the most recent Sanders Sides episode

Ship: Remy (sleep) x Janus (Deciet)

WC: 1, 505

Remy's head snapped up as the bell above the door chimed loudly, letting in a rather peculiar character. Dressed in black save for bright yellow gloves, their long trench coat swept around their ankles as they turned to make sure the door was shut. Truly curious now, Remy leaned forward eagerly, excitement thankfully hidden by his dark sunglasses.

The glasses did little to hide his reddening cheeks however as the newcomer swept off his hat and turned fully to face the cashier.

Oh. Remy leaned forward casually trying to hide the flood of oh-I-am-most-definitely-gay panic rising up through his chest. Sharp eyes breifly met his before darting back down as they made their ways towards the counter. Thanking every god that could possibly be real that the shop was empty at this time of day, he smiled easily as they came to a stop in front of the counter.

"Morning coffee. What babe will it be?"

The stranger snapped their head up in confusion, giving Remy only a split second to retain that their eyes were very pretty, one a pale brown and the other almost gold before his brain caught up with what his mouth had just uttered. Red cheeks reddening even further he closed his eyes and mentally slapped himself over the head with an industrial bag of coffee grounds.

Opening his eyes once again, he chuckled. "You'll find me dont discriminate here. We got flat white, Irish cream, long black." He cupped his cheek and smirked. "Or maybe you're the shy, straight vanilla kind of guy?"

The stranger, to his credit, was unimpressed, almost making Remy pout if it weren't for the fact he was still trying to scrape his pride up off the ground. "A mocha with five espresso shots please."

Whistling low, he turned to complete the order. "I'm assuming to go?"

"Yes."

"Late night?" He grabbed a cup and fiddled with the machine a bit, turning to grab the pump for the espresso as it began to run.

"In a sense."

Snorting, Remy turned to look again at the stranger. Through his obvious good looks there were eye bags that could rival his room mates', slumped posture and rather ratty shoes completing the picture for him. "I always hated college exams. Theres never enough time to cram."

"We've all bean there."

Pausing in applying the lid to the cup, Remy smirked and turned. "Did you just-?"

Seeming uncomfortable, the stranger shrugged, taking the drink and handing over the money. Offering a quiet thank you they left quickly, coat flying out like a cape behind them.

---------

Janus shoved his hands deeper in his pockets on the way to his favorite coffee shop. He had only been going there for a week now, but the coffee was amazing, and the cashier/coffee maker was...interesting. Janus' cheeks still burned in what he now realized was second hand embarrassment at the way the other had flirted? with him the first day. Patton said he had been flirting so he'd have to trust his friend knew what he was talking about. His stomach gave another uncomfortable flip as the shop came into view, making him grit his teeth in annoyance. Everytime he came here the same thing happened with his intestines, like they were too tight and too loose at the same time, flipping his stomach around in a way that felt like the flu...but better? Regardless it hadnt started until he had begun coming to the little shop and Janus was determined to pinpoint the cause. That was why he kept coming back.

No other reason.

His stomach flipped again as he shoved the door open, grimacing as he made up his mind to buy some kind of pastry with his usual coffee to try to quiet down what he was now going to assume were hunger pangs. This early in the morning the shop was blessedly empty, allowing him and the cashier to have their odd conversations in relative peace.

"Morning babes!"

He glanced up and tried for a smile, letting the odd movement drop after only a couple seconds. Remy smiled and smirked enough for the both of them anyway.

He made his way up to the counter, startling as a to-go cup was pushed his way.

"Regulars get the Remy special. Their usual cup of hot coffee ready before they even come through the door." He winked as he leaned against the counter, hitting Janus with the realization that the man had apparently forgone his sunglasses for the day. Deep brown eyes stared back at him before he broke eye contact, snapping his gaze to the cup in front of him.

"I'd like a muffin with it today as well, if you would."

"Sure. What kind?"

Janus looked up hopefully. "Banana nut?"

Remy bit back a laugh, muttering 'nut' under his breath while retrieving the requested pastry. Rolling his eyes Janus dug out the cash; he was learning Remy was fond of unintentional innuendos, Patton pointing out that that had been what he was insinuating in their first meeting. He tried for a polite smile again as he grabbed his items after paying, stomach going it's odd flip again as the other man smiled back.

Maybe it was the air.

------

Remy perked up as the door chimed, smiling as his favorite regular made his way through the door right before closing time. He had somehow gotten the rather shy man to agree to a date (an outing the other had insisted) taking place after his shift had ended. He seemed tense and Remy was determined to take his mind off whatever it was that kept his shoulders up and head down. He grabbed up his sunglasses as he hopped over the counter, earning a confused smirk for his effort. Smiling easily, he readjusted his bag and whipped out the store key to swing around his finger.

"Ready to go, tall, dark and snarky?"

The man merely ducked his head and shoved his hands further in his pockets, strolling quickly out the door for Remy to follow.

"So I realized we're going on this date-"

"Outing."

"Alright babes. So we're going out and I still don't know what to call you?"

The man stared blankly. "You call me things all the time?"

Sighing in exasperation as the Prompt went completely over the man's head he gestured them forward. "I meant your name hon."

"Oh! My name is Janus."

Tilting his head in surprise, Remy regarded him for a moment. "Janus. I like it. Really suits your aesthetic."

Janus seemed unsure of how to respond, scuffing his toes along the sidewalk rhythmically. "My aesthetic?"

"Yeah. Janus is a Roman god right? I can see it."

Offering up a blank look, the other man pursed his lips in thought. "No one...well usually people say that Janus is...an odd name."

Remy shrugged. "I took some course or other in high school that taught about ancient gods or whatever. People are bitches."

Moving away slightly, Janus nodded. "Undoubtably."

-----

Alexithymia.

Janus watched as everything seemed to click into place for his companion. This was always the tipping point in every relationship, friend or otherwise. Patton had been the only exception thus far that accepted the fact that Janus was a lost cause when it came to emotions.

No, that wasnt fair to himself. There was nothing wrong with him, he knew that. It was only the fact that he couldn't understand the emotions being processed. He knew he had them, he just could never quite pinpoint which ones, at any given time and what the reasons for them were. Sure it made socializing difficult, people often labeling him as awkward or withdrawn in any given situation; when in reality he just was rarely given enough time to try and pinpoint what one emotion was before being put in a situation where a different response was needed. It was honestly exhausting.

He bit his lip as he looked back over to Remy, seeing that same smile he always gave him that made his stomach flip every time. He tried offering one of his awkward smiles, feeling that that was the most appropriate for the situation.

Remy softened as he took off his glasses, turning to face him fully. "You dont have to do that around me, it's okay. Just be yourself, and tell me if and when you get uncomfortable yeah?"

Janus' eyes filled with tears as he twisted his fingers in his jeans. An intense wave of emotions came over him, making him choke slightly as he tried in vain to process everything. He felt Remy take his hands gently and squeeze them, tugging slightly as he unconsciously leaned towards the other.

Just two people sitting on a park bench in the late evening, with about 15 shots of espresso between them holding each other with a confused understanding. Janjs smiled, a very tiny one, but the first genuine one in a long time.

Despite everything, he had Remy. He knew he'd be okay.

This work is also available on AO3!