#so it's nice for someone to recognize the work I've put into overcoming my trauma responses even as a kid

[neverendingford]

.

[ninboyfriend]

(this wasn't prompted by anything — i've been meaning to send this ask for a while)

i know you catch a lot of flack in your inbox and i've seen some bitter people say some insane shit to you about how you're basically committing a fucking hate crime against depressed people by talking about your own progress and success . . . so

i just want to tell u that i love u a lot. i love seeing u on my dashboard. i love hearing u talk about yourself and ur boyfriend and how much better ur doing now than you were a few years ago. u give me a lot of hope. i'm not currently in a position where i can get my fucking shit together (still learning how to overcome trauma and depression; still living with my parents) but u reassure me that i someday will be. thank u for that

u r very cool shepard and i am very happy for u and all the progress u've made in ur. recovery? i'm not sure if that's the right word, english isn't my first language, but i hope it's close enough for u to know what i mean. waaa have a good day

ANON I FUCKING LOVE YOU THIS IS SO NICE WTF...

If it helps you at all I am currently about a month away from moving away from my shitty family/living situation and pursuing therapy and meds for my mental health problems and without going into too much detail, if I can do this I am positive you can figure it out as well. It can be difficult and humiliating to be an adult and feel like your problems are holding you back from actually doing adult things but there is always a way to get there even if it’s hard. Being in a sort of “mid point” myself in which I am better enough to recognize what I need to do but not always well enough to do it I have come to realize this is the part that doesn’t get talked about- Recovery is pretty much always seen as a linear Point A-Point B progression when the reality is you won’t just wake up one day and be better and know how to clean your room and keep yourself healthy and hold down a job or schooling or whatever you need to do, you have to keep making small choices every day that get you where you need to be.

This is really hard at first for everything but I’m getting to where I don’t remember why it was ever hard in the first place for me to like brush my teeth every day or make my bed or whatever because I’ve just learned how to do it now. And you will get to that point yourself someday and it’ll keep happening with most things that are hard for you now. Not being able to get your shit together right this second is not a bad thing nor is it abnormal honestly! Sometimes things don’t have to be good, they just have to be better. And maybe that’s an overused and watered down sentiment, that whole “it gets better” shit, because nobody ever tells you how or have anything else to say on the matter at all just that it’ll be ok or you should buy a bath bomb or whatever. It feels like putting glitter on a dumpster fire. It doesn’t actually put out the fire at all! So for me it’s easier to think of it all in the present tense. Things are bad right now, so how can I make RIGHT NOW slightly less bad? Usually the answer is simple shit like eating something or cleaning up or taking a walk or a shower or changing your clothes or your bed. If you spend enough time making right now less bad, you’re going to get used to right now being less and less bad every day until you can keep these habits up. No more pushing off being slightly less miserable to an unidentified “later!!!”

Idk I don’t wanna sound preachy I guess I just like. I myself do feel like a fuckup at the best of times and seeing that I’m someone else’s like. Recovery inspiration or something. Makes me feel like the shit i’m doing is actually working and I wish to share that. Because a lot of the things people tell you to just get up and do (getting a job making friends etc etc) are just not things you can do immediately and even if you know that will help it doesn’t feel worth it at all to pursue a “later” you think you’re still gonna be miserable in I guess???

Anyhow. This makes me really happy. I hope you’re having an ok day today and I hope anything I said here can help LOL. Love you

[dontreadthistrashgarbage]

G O T 7 pt.4

"Hey kiddos!" Guerin called out in English as she entered the dorm for HEET. She had messaged them earlier that she would be stopping by. Having wrapped up breakfast with JB she had enough time to catch the boys and Eneoji before they left for work for the day.

"Noona!" Seungbin jumped up from the couch and ran to into entryway to greet her, the large white Samoyed hot on his heels. Guerin hugged the maknae in greeting then kneeled down to give her dog attention. The other five members of HEET made their way out to greet her as well. They all settled in the living room, Eneoji sprawled across both her and the typically nonexpressive Tobio next to her.

She listened as they caught her up on how everyone had been faring and some plans they had begun working on, including a possible World Tour now that they had gotten their first wins. It hadn't been long since their last promotions ended but they had all been working hard on preparing for the next comeback. Guerin asked them if she should take Eneoji home but Seungbin and Tobio asked to let her stay longer.

"Just let me know if your days get too long and you can't get away to take her out or you cant bring her to work. She needs the attention." Guerin cautioned.

"That time might be coming soon." Byoungjin said reasonably, but once he caught the pathetic expression from Seungbin he added, "But we have another couple days at least."

"I've been running with her everyday still! Sometimes people recognize us!" The American Gabriel said excitedly, "She's been giving out pawtagraphs." The pun had been a joke between him and Guerin but had become recognized fandom canon when he had let it slip in a vlive.

"Did Jackson ever make an appointment with you?" Minhwan asked suddenly, remembering his Sunbae reaching out to him.

"Yes he did, and his puppy is super adorable, we should absolutely schedule a playdate with MinNao and Eneoji." Guerin gushed.

"I haven't seen him in a while. It would be nice to see him again." Byoungjin said, happy at the prospect of meeting up with his fellow trainee.

"I met a few other people you guys know too. Mark Tuan and JB." Guerin said, though she opted to leave out that she had just gotten breakfast with the latter to avoid too many questions, "JB even came to see Mihi fly."

"I've head of JB. Doesn't he produce under the name Defsoul?" Tobio asked curiously.

"Yes, he helped me learn music composition and arrangement." Byoungjin answered, "How is he?" He turned to Guerin and she faltered.

"Ahh... we... he is nice but we kinda had a disagreement recently." She said honestly.

"What happened? Noona are you okay?" Seungbin sat up protectively.

"Yes I'm fine. He apologized." Guerin said, touched by the fifteen-year-old's reaction as she pinched his cheek, causing him to pout slightly.

"I'm not that surprised. JB was always a little hot headed." Minhwan frowned.

Guerin was shocked, "Hot headed? I would never have described him that way. I thought he was fairly laid back, even cute sometimes."

"Cute?" Minhwan coughed out a laugh, "Im Jaebeom? He hated aegyo!"

"No I dont mean aegyo." Guerin couldn't help but laugh at the idea of JB attempting full blown aegyo, "But he has... cute mannerisms? Like he puffs out his cheeks when he is thinking, or scrunches up his face when he teases, or plays up certain emotions when he gets excited." She tried to explain.

Byoungjin was looking at her with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing. You just described him very well." Byoungjin shrugged, clearly not telling the full truth.

"Yeah he had some of that too but he used to get mad and blow up a lot." Minhwan explained, "If he thought someone was being disrespectful, wasting time, not trying hard enough..." Minhwan flinched, "It wasn't fun being on the receiving end of that."

"I never would have guessed." Guerin said.

"Did you get yelled at a lot, Hyung?" Gabriel asked leader Minhwan, a slight cheeky quality to the inquiry.

"No, you rude punk." Minhwan answered back with even more sass, "But JB would have destroyed you. If you aren't careful I'll call him in to teach you a lesson." He threatened playfully, giving the younger man a couple pokes to the ribs, causing Gabriel to giggle and flinch away.

"JB had a rough childhood. His birth father wasn't a good person and he suffered for it. He talked about trying to change it. He was aware and he didn't want to be the kind of man that hurt his mom." Byoungjin said seriously. Minhwan and Gabriel looked chagrined. Everyone was quiet, unsure of what to say. Guerin processed the new information carefully, adding a bit more understanding to JB's personality.

"He must be working hard. It's not easy to overcome that kind of trauma." Tobio unexpectedly said. He wasn't as talkative as the others but when he did he had a habit of poignancy. The others nodded thoughtfully.

"What did you two fight about?" Seungbin asked suddenly.

"Oh... it's so embarrassing." Guerin hid her face in Eneoji's fur.

"Noonaaaaa, tell us!" Seungbin plied, pushing her gently and using full aegyo to get her to answer. She tried to avoid looking at him but he was too powerful.

"Okay fine." She pushed Seungbin away as he grinned in triumph and Gabriel cackled.

"He... asked me to sing a song he wrote." She said quietly.

"He asked you to sing?" Gabriel was floored.

"Noona we told you that you have a nice singing voice." Minhwan boasted. They had all spent time around her so they had heard her many times.

"Yeah but I'm not a professional. It's just for fun." She felt like she had to keep repeating it.

"Maybe he likes you." Gabriel said, then adding in English, "-likes you- likes you. Y'know?"

"Gabriel!" She said astonished, "Minhwan I can't reach, would you shove him for me."

"I don't know, he might have a point." Minhwan shrugged, trying not to laugh.

"Well he better not." Seungbin said making a face, "Noona you deserve someone nice."

"Don't speak ill of people you haven't met." Tobio scolded the youngest gently. Seungbin apologized and ducked his head. Guerin smiled fondly at the well intentioned boy before she caught another thoughtful expression on Byoungjin, who quickly blanked his face as soon as their eyes met. She didn't have a chance to question him before Minhwan changed the subject to talk about Mark and Jackson too and she forgot to bring it up again until after she had left.

"Charlie-ssi, have you eaten yet?" Jinyoung asked, coming up beside his favorite producer as she pored over a thick stack of notes.

"No, not yet..." she answered, distracted.

"That's silly, it's our meal break. Come eat with me." He said, taking a step back and gesturing toward the food truck that had been sent by his costars friends.

She glanced up, feeling regretful at having to say no to such a handsome man asking her to join him for a meal, "I can't, I want to finish this first. Besides, I'm on a diet, I wasn't going to eat anyway."

Jinyoung looked offended, "A diet?" He repeated blankly.

"Yeah, I've put on some weight and being around all these beautiful actors..." she trailed off realizing she might be oversharing.

Jinyoung shook his head disapprovingly, "Ridiculous. You're beautiful the way you are." He turned to walk away, muttering, "A diet."

She was frozen for a moment. Did Park Jinyoung just call her beautiful? She shook her head. It was probably just lip service. Still, it was disappointing not being able to eat with him. But she had eaten and drunk so much last night, she was feeling positively bloated. Shaking her head once more she turned back to her notes.

A few minutes later a plate of chicken with vegetable sides and half a cupcake was placed on the table in front of her. Looking up she saw Jinyoung settling in the chair next to her, holding a similar looking plate with the other half of the cupcake. She watched him in surprise as he nonchalantly settled in, picking up his chopsticks before meeting her gaze.

"Skipping meals is unhealthy. You should take care of your body and feed it well." His genuine smile made her heart race and she blinked to get her bearings. His smile turned slightly more mischievous as he reached over to break off a piece of cupcake with his chopsticks and raise it to her lips, "but a little treat every now and then is good too."

It took her a moment but she responded by opening her mouth and taking the bite, blushing and quickly looking around to see if anyone had seen. Jinyoungs smile took over his whole face, eyes crinkling as he turned happily back to his own meal. Charlie smiled too, then set aside her notes to dig in as well, talking with him as a few more crew members joined them at the table creating happy chatter during their break.

Guerin had met up with Jackson and MinNao for another training session, this one focusing on loose leash walking. Jackson and his puppy were both eager to learn and absorbed information, putting it into practice readily. The two humans chatted about training theory as they walked but it devolved into general chatter and joking around.

"Oh, why don't we get a coffee? MinNao can practice being calm and greeting people." Guerin suggested suddenly as they passed a shop with outdoor seating.

Jackson beamed, "That sounds great!"

"Go ahead and get seated. I'll order inside." Guerin pointed to a table on the patio.

"Wait, take my card." Jackson started to reach for his wallet.

"Nope! It's on me!" Guerin grinned and skipped away from him through the doors, ignoring his protests. He was left to make his way to the patio with his rotund red puppy. It wasn't long before Guerin reappeared with two iced Americanos, placing one in front of a pouty Jackson as she settled across from him.

"Oh MinNao, yes, I missed you too." Guerin cooed at the puppy who had begun wiggling as soon as she was back in sight, pointedly ignoring the sulking man. Jackson squinted his eyes petulantly, reaching over to his drink for a sip, not looking away. Once Guerin sat back she couldnt help but giggle at Jackson's exaggerated mood.

"Oh come on," she protested with a laugh, "Can't I buy a friend a coffee?" She returned his pout playing up the cuteness as much as possible.

Jackson let out his trademark high pitched squeal "Cuuuuute!" He exclaimed, leaning back and crossing his arms over himself defensively, dimples showing from his grin. Guerin couldn't help but laughing at his adorable reaction. The two continued their banter, intermittently reinforcing and playing with MinNao until during a lull Jackson changed the subject.

"Did you ever end up talking to JB again?"

Guerin took a moment, piecing together how she wanted to phrase the experience, "Yeah... he actually apologized. He seemed really genuinely upset with himself."

"What happened?" Jackson leaned forward curiously.

"It happened the same night we went out." She paused, "It sounds weird but he ended up at my apartment, drunk. He was really upset and apologizing a lot. I didn't feel comfortable sending him away that drunk so I let him pass out on the couch."

Jackson had no poker face. He sat back, looking disgruntled, "He spent the night?"

Guerin immediately tried to clarify, "Yeah but he was just passed out on the couch. It wasn't like... that." She floundered, "The next morning he didn't even remember but he bought us breakfast and apologized properly." Jackson still had an odd expression on his face so she tried to move on, unsure of how to phrase the scenario any better, "He actually asked me to try recording again."

"What did you say?" Jackson asked.

"I told him I'd try it." She felt strangely guilty admitting it so she avoided Jacksons gaze by focusing on taking a sip on her drink. Jackson floundered for a moment. He didn't want Guerin to set herself up for hurt again but JB was a close friend.

"If he apologized then he'll be better this time." He said, nodding resolutely, "You can trust him."

Guerin was relieved with Jacksons understanding. Him vouching for JB's character set her more at ease, "Thanks Jackson. It feels good to hear you say that." She smiled softly at him.

He beamed back at her before changing his expression to overdone disapproval to match his scolding tone, "But you don't have to let just anyone stay at your house overnight. You should be more careful!"

She laughed in shock, "Oh my god!" She exclaimed in English, "Nothing happened! It was nothing!" She said defensively.

"Still. It looks bad. Next time send him home." He said petulantly.

"Whatever." She said in English again, tsking at his attitude dismissively. They argued playfully for a bit before the conversation flowed naturally in another direction.

JB and Jackson met for dinner later that evening. They caught up with light chatter about their current projects and Jacksons upcoming schedules in China. Their discussion was light and friendly, with a lot of laughter from the both of them.

"Guerin agreed to try recording for my new song." JB brought up amidst their discussion of projects.

"Hyung." Jackson said suddenly. JB looked up at Jackson while reaching for a bite of food, "You need to be nice to her this time." Jackson added seriously. JB hesitated, remembering seeing Jackson hugging Guerin after his blow up.

"Ah..." he didn't know what to say so he shoved some food in his mouth as he thought. Jackson waited. "I was wrong that time. I was a jerk. I won't do it again." He said resolutely.

"And you shouldn't spend the night at her house either." Jackson added seriously. JB looked at his friend with wide eyes, shocked.

"I saw Guerin today. She said you came over to apologize." Jackson said, "I know you meant well... but... I told you before I like her. So I don't like you staying there overnight."

JB finished chewing and swallowed, "Ah... about that..." Jackson looked at him inquisitively, "I didn't say anything before. I thought I could give it up. But I like Guerin too." He looked ashamed, "I tried to distance myself and I got upset and I took it out on her. So I decided I need to be honest with both of you. I'm sorry I wasn't honest from the beginning."

Jackson couldn't hide his surprise. A variety of emotions passed across his face rendered uncharacteristically speechless. JB waited patiently for him to recover. After a few moments Jackson looked resolute, "We can't help how we feel. Neither of us own Guerin or have a right. Regardless, you're my precious friend and nothing is going to change that."

"Waaahhhh." JB said, impressed. He offered his hand to his friend which Jackson took and they shook fondly, "That was cool." They grinned at each other.

"I'm still going to confess." Jackson said, widening his eyes and locking eyes with JB who chuckled at his friends comical expression.

"Yeah. I think I will too." JB responded.

"Don't spend the night at her house again though." Jackson pouted at JB.

"I can't promise that." JB said breaking the seriousness, turning his gaze to food and reaching for another bite.

"Hyunggg." Jackson caught onto the shift in the mood as he whined, "Don't be like this."

"Like what?" JB played innocent, chewing and opening his arms questioningly.

"Hyuuuunnngggg...." Jackson whined more, pouting with his full body, causing JB to laugh loudly and offer the barely younger man a bite of food to satiate his sulk.

"Thanks for helping me pick out some new makeup." Charlie smiled at Mark. The two of them were meandering toward the famous makeup district in Seoul.

"It's no problem! I don't have a shoot today and I like spending time with you." He responded with a smile, but had to look away at the last part shyly. Charlie blushed, unsure of how he intended the message but she was flattered regardless.

"I usually do really simple makeup but with our wrap party soon I wanted something a bit more flashy. I figured, you're a model, you might know what you're doing." She shrugged.

Mark laughed, "Well I usually have makeup done to me but lucky you I can do some as well."

The pair entered a shop and meandered through, with Mark making suggestions and offering feedback on Charlie's questions.

"I don't know if that color would look good on me..." she said dubiously eyeing sparkly purple eyeshadow.

"Sure it will. Pair it with this lighter shade, it'll complement your hair well and go with your pink contacts." He pushed. When she continued looking doubtful he pouted at her, "You said you wanted a bolder look, don't you trust me? You should at least try it."

"Okay... I'll try it." Charlie gave in to his cute expression.

Mark beamed, causing her heart to race. He really had an unnecessarily beautiful face. An unnecessarily beautiful everything. She blinked to clear her thoughts as he grabbed the sample eyeshadows. She reached to out to take them from him but he pulled away.

"I'll do it, so you can see what I mean." Mark said. Charlie hesitated then dropped her hand.

"Okay..." She couldn't think of a reason to not let him and just hoped she could cope with proximity.

"Close your eyes." He instructed as he opened the first shade. She obeyed and tried not to flinch as he applied the colors and blended them together. It felt like forever. He was so close his breath would wash across her face and neck. His touches were gentle but precise. Her mind wanted to wander but she locked that down as best she could. "Okay." He said finally.

Charlie's eyes fluttered open, she was surprised to still see him so close to her. He studied his handiwork then nodded, looking into her eyes with a proud close lipped smile, "It looks great on you."

She felt herself blushing again and turned away quickly with the pretense of finding a mirror. Locating one quickly she looked in and gasped, "Oh, wow that does look really cool."

"Thanks." Mark stepped up behind her, still looking proud.

"Alright I'll get these then." She nodded but avoided his gaze.

"Let's find a lip color to go with it. Maybe something more neutral..." Mark said thoughtfully before turning and wandering toward the lip section. Charlie took a couple breaths before following after him.

"Boy Howdy do I got news." Guerin said, slipping into the chair across the table from her friend. The two of them often defaulted to English when speaking with each other. Charlie looked up, from her coffee. She and Mark had gone their separate ways not too long ago. She had, of course, removed the makeup before leaving the shop.

"Same." Charlie sighed in response, leaning her head on her hand as she frowned at her friend.

"Oh? Tell me about it." Guerin leaned forward expectantly, curious about the news.

"I might be imagining things..." Charlie started, then fidgeted as she tried to piece together what to say, "Probably just wishful thinking..." she trailed off again.

"Spit it out!" Guerin urged, tapping the table to snap her friend back to attention.

Charlie groaned and covered her face, "I'm just thinking ugh! So... I think I have feelings."

"Oooohhhhhh?!" Guerin sat up with a grin and wiggled excitedly, "Who is the lucky person?"

"That's the problem. Well. One of them..." she started to trail off again before she caught Guerin's gaze again and forced herself to spit out, "I think I like two people. I think I like Jinyoung and Mark..." Guerin grinned and let out an appreciative sound but Charlie continued, "And I think... they might like me? But I'm not sure. And like... what could two such handsome men see in someone like me? I must be imagining it."

Guerin scoffed, "Yeah, what could two men see in a smart, fun, sweet, beautiful, strong woman like yourself. Absolutely ridiculous." The sarcasm couldn't have been laid on thicker.

Charlie forced one corner of her mouth up into what was supposed to be a smile but was more like a disbelieving grimace, "Thanks..."

"Don't you give me that face. Give yourself some credit. You don't have to believe everything I said, even if it IS the truth. But you have a lot of excellent qualities. What's not to like?" Guerin argued.

"Come on, maybe for an average person. But these guys are surrounded by incredibly beautiful people all the time. I am so plain in comparison. I barely wear makeup and my standard is hoodies and jeans." Charlie looked increasingly despondent as she spoke.

Guerin frowned, "You might not be a movie star but give these guys some credit. Hopefully anyone you like would be decent enough to not measure a person's worth by how glamorous they can be." Charlie still didn't look convinced, "Listen I can't make you believe me. I haven't met Jinyoung but I did meet Mark. I might have been having a bad night but even I could tell, ya boi was into ya."

Charlie couldn't help but chuckle at her friends earnest and goofy way of speaking. "If you say so." She suddenly looked up, determined, "Speaking of! Any news on that front?"

"Oh, yeah. Geez." Guerin launched into the explanation of JB coming over drunk that same night. At first she told the same edited version she had told Jackson but after finishing she hesitated.

"Well it's good that he apologized." Charlie narrowed her eyes at her friends expression, "Guerin you have no poker face. What are you hiding?"

Guerin laughed nervously, "I uh... well... while he was drunk... it kinda sounded like he was confessing feelings too."

It was Charlie's turn to coo at the juicy gossip. Guerin waved her hand dismissively, "Don't get excited. When he woke up he didn't say it again. He didn't even remember."

"Mmhmm." Charlie said, sipping her coffee like Hyungwon. Guerin rolled her eyes, uncharacteristically at a loss for words. "Sounds like you've got a love triangle."

"What? With who?" Guerin gasped.

"JB and Jackson." Charlie said in a sing song voice.

"Oh stop. JB was drunk and Jackson is friendly with everyone." Guerin shook her head.

"Mmhmm." She made another point of sipping her coffee with emphasis. "You make a big production of how every man should be in love with me and you can't even notice a puppy begging for attention and a drunk confession. Come on."

Guerin could understand her perspective but still found it unbelievable. She didn't voice her thoughts again.

[whostheblondegirlwriting]

Hi, I love your stories and writing. I have a question that is in NO WAY a criticism about you, just a question about people's writings in general. This may also be a multi part question. So I've noticed in a lot of fandoms, people complain when female characters are constantly being sexually assaulted for a story. I know it happens often in real life, but it is annoying to see almost all the time. Like that Joss Whedon comment about a female superhero who he wanted toknow what horrible thing...

Wow! What an interesting, and potentially loaded, question. Lol I can see some people not liking my answer. If I chap some asses, just remember: it’s just one answer to an ask, and, if you have other thoughts, asks are always open. …Also, grab some cookies and a drink, because this may take a few minutes.

Is it safe to say, a majority (or at least, a good chunk) of, I’ll say, this fandom’s writers are women? My perception anyway, even if tumblr-ers don’t say in their headers or posts who they are. With that in mind, some of the bread and butter tropes for female writers and readers seem to be romantic plots, quite often with some version of a damsel of some situation or “fix me” trope in there somewhere. Why? Because who wouldn’t want some handsome, Chris Evans-looking beefcake to sweep them off their feet and make everything alright? Save me from this hell, let me love again, etcetera and so on. Same goes for, what I’ll call, the unnecessarily strong female character. Who doesn’t want to see some indestructible goddess stand up for herself or get her revenge? …But why are those our only options?

Part of the reason is how deeply ingrained these plots are in what we see in available fic and societally is typical and, most importantly, successful. Here’s a formula that works and isn’t it fun to see someone get revenge, take no shit, or whatever. Another reason, I think, is the escapism of it. Looking again at tumblr, there seems to be an awful lot of users who are “younger” and are experiencing, or have, some of these situations who may find a little inspiration or hope. “If the heroine can overcome this, so can I”. “The heroine did this, so will I”. Older ones may find it cathartic to put themselves into the heroine and say, “I did this”, “I survived this”, or as their own wish fulfillment. 

Either way, don’t we all like to see someone triumph? If it’s a reader insert fic, don’t we all want to win and have our happy ending? Of course, we do! But there does seem to be a misconception that to be successful or strong that you must suffer for it. Frankly, it’s just not true and, quite possibly, it can be damaging to keep perpetuating this myth.

Everyone can look around and see someone, whether they know them personally or not, who is a “strong female character”. A coworker, a celebrity, a friend who seems to have their shit together and a good attitude. If you ever hear them talk, they don’t have a tragic backstory. They just seem to make their own luck, keep moving forward, and their efforts succeed. I’d be shocked that anyone could honestly say they don’t know of someone like this.

But that’s not interesting. Sure, they’re nice people, and lucky them if they’ve had a “good” life, but where’s the fun in that? Where’s the drama? Shouldn’t they have to earn it? What are they hiding? …because isn’t it the easy way to write a character to follow a proven, winning formula? Everyone else has an angsty backstory, so why doesn’t she? Why are we so suspicious that you can’t have one thing without the other? Frankly, because it’s harder.

How do I make you root for someone who, for all appearances, is making their way through life on their own without being victim to someone else or circumstances? Answer: make them interesting. I think writers, and readers, forget that everyday heroines exist naturally, because of the overselling of the damaged character (male or female) only being able to exist or succeed because of the bad they’re forced to face or by leaning on someone else. I, personally, think more natural heroines exist in the world than writers would ever admit. Why? Because it’s not sexy; doesn’t sell. “Normal” is boring. Readers don’t want “reality”, no matter what AU or fantasy world you put them in. …I call bullshit on that.

If we, as writers, don’t put in the effort to create characters who are strong from their convictions, the way they were raised, the people they associate with, and the cognizant decisions they make, how will readers know they can and do exist? How can readers be interested, and maybe inspired, by them, if we don’t give them to them?

It takes effort to create a genuinely strong female character; to decide who a character is and why. It takes effort to come up with an interesting plot that has action, drama, romance, or suspense and can stand on its own without falling back on the old formulas/tropes. Also, it can be discouraging to create a strong heroine, who hasn’t been dropped into one of these cliched victim stories, and then see the story not gain a large following, get notes, or kudos. But god damn if I don’t see another victim to heroine story exploding in popularity, so I’m gonna write one too, right?

I know I sound bitter or high and mighty, like I hate or haven’t read some of these fics myself. I have. I’ll admit it. But I can honestly say that I’m typically disappointed, because the idea was there but the effort wasn’t. Maybe there was a great angle in the story, but the character never came along. “I’m hard, because this is how life did me wrong. Now, I’m made of steel and nothing and no one can hurt me ever again.” Okay…but how? Why? Is that even necessary?

Maybe it’s a lack of confidence in their heroine or in the writer themselves that has so many stories falling into these same overdone and unproductive devices. Maybe the writer doesn’t have the time or want to put in the effort. You see so many overdone plots or allegedly strong heroines (but who are more caricature than actual, developed characters) go on to be huge successes (on AO3, on TV, or at the box office) that why wouldn’t any writer who wants to have that for themselves follow their just add water recipe? 

Writers, no matter how big or small their following, have an opportunity to change the perception that a heroine, or hero, can be strong only because they have suffered. That’s a “writer challenge”. Think outside the box and recognize or discover healthy, inspirational, and reasonable approaches to creating and developing a character. Take time to build their world and actually plot their plot, and try new takes on how a heroine can navigate them. Not all good stories have to involve her surviving a physical or emotional trauma or tragedy to find herself/her strengths or save the day. Shit happens and heroes rise and fall by it, yeah. But does it have to be that much over and over and over again?

This is writing. Use your imagination! Be original! Be creative! Rebel against overused plots and tropes and underdeveloped characters! 

Tl;dr Honestly, there just aren’t enough people putting in the effort to break the cycle. 

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.