#so like. one of thems literally just a quarter of brendons face its not important. you can just look at the stuff from the last scan dump | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sanfranciscoyoginigypsy · 8 years ago

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im living the dream, the climax of my life 7/25/17

today was amazing. so liz slept over and it was the best. we vibe so well together and she is super pure and influential and real and just in my eyes a perfect human being to be around with. she likes jazz she plays instruments she paints- she’s very in tune with herself and everything around her. she painted me a beautiful portrait and love on a canvas i gave her. it is amazing. she wanted me to share my stories about my spiritual interactions with carlo so she can record it and she remembered i mentioned that there is a song i imagine playing when i see him in a field of grass, and she added the notes to it in the painting . she is just so great and influential and we experience and think much of the same things. i like being around her. lots of good music and laughing. she liked the songs i showed her. then i went home and was feeling poopy until i went outside and decided to write how i was feeling. i put anxiety and lack of confidence and just negativity then just didnt feel any better so i decided to meditate and i did for like 20 /30 min. i went from lotus to just hanging my headd down while i sat. it helped tremendously . i felt three billion times better. i felt like my parents were the sun and moon. creation of all creation. they are the creators of every single thing in my life. they created me thus creating everything around and within me. my mom also symbolized the sun for me, and just recently i felt my father as the moon. i shared that with them and shared a lot with my mother. just after meditating i was so high on life. i thought about who this is it this is now i am experiencing this now and everything is good and life is good and this is real this is what I'm seeing now this is real life this where I'm at just realizing this is where i am right now everything here makes sense and is normal it was like i was reborned actually in a way bc everything seemed brand new and i was confused to what i was seeing!! it makes so much sense tho bc i was just in my head and i cleared it and now I'm seeing everything as it is and realizing I'm ever so grateful for this consciousness. sundown. sunset. i shared with my dad the day i missed my flight that i like sunsets, i feel my brother the most during them.and he shared it with my mom. he invited me to go inside and see a movie with them but i shared to him i like the nature and stuff more and it helps me feel better and that sunset just has a huge impact for me and my soul feels the need to be outside during its energy of the sun passing. and today when i was in my tummy mood or not a clear head i went outside and was just writing down how i felt and he saw and asked if i wanted to spend time with them inside and i was upset so i gave a little sass and said i cant the tv makes me depressed and it just drains my energy and i feel unproductive but I'm glad everything happened bc it happened for a reason and i feel great now and after that time to myself i was the best i can be with my parents i watched tv with them and cracked jokes and just had a lot of fun and t was all pure and sam sent me a song and it was amazing i felt the singers emotion and i just felt every emotion i felt throughout the song. everything just how it was. i was fast with my thoughts and feelings.and i helped my mom with cleaning and it was great- we shared alot and she said she was thinking of me today and is aid oo like what and she said what kind of advice to give me before i leave and said that she just wanted to tell me to keep doing what I'm doing with handling my emotions and being smart and spiritual and she tied that together bc she said she was thinking about all my growth and everything and also gave me the advice to do research in everything i want to do and to do it like she noticed i had a hard time sticking to being vegan and so she said to do research and find some motivation for it and to do that everything i wanna do she is just the best and sweetest i love her so much i love us literally i felt so pure with her after meditating like when i sat next to her on the couch i was kissing all over her face her cheeks her nose and her forehead a bunch of times it wa amazing I'm going to miss her so much but we shared how people become closer to their siblings after carlos funeral like gabe and koen and liz and manuel she opened that up to me but it was good after meditating i felt exactly aligned and myself and it was just enlightening and awakening moment then i told them about how i felt good bc i was not confident in most things especially planning things bc I'm anxious about not ppl having a good time bc it would b my fault but i finally did it and all my freidsn are going to pinballz and i picked up brendon and showed him so many cool songs like the mosquito by the doors and a lot of other cool ones and he said u know so many cool songs and how do u know so many and i told him that when i find an artist and song i like i just listen to their other albums and it grows and we got to pinball and it was just fun for me and him we got quarters and did the quarter machines bc the electronics were too expensive and it was so so so fun we played like 9 rounds and i lost each one but it was so fun and i felt so great playing an old 80s arcade machines game it was so simple there was ike 3 buttons i defiantly want to go back and play on those old pinball and 90s machine games t was so fun and then john kiersten sam and brennon showed up and sam looked so damn good god damn i couldn't take it in he wore khakis and a black shirt and vans and his hair looked good and his face looked beautiful as always and i tried not to express or show any of that in person so i kept my distance but overall it wa so funny with everyone and we went to kerbey lane a 24 hour diner and nit was so fun jorge was there too it was a grand ol time and when i was saying by to everyone it was so beautiful john picked me up two times and we hugged like four times and in front of his girlfriend it is so cool he can do that and brennon gave me a nice one and jorge smacked my ass after which i totally hated and took in account that he did that and to realize it made me uncomfortable and omg me and sams good bye will always be my favorite we hugged and he just said to let him know when I'm in town again and that we have dos ee each other again and it wa sa nice hug and i got in my car and he was getting in the seat and we looked at each other and i did the like post up pose like square lets fight and he got out of his seat in the car and opened my car door and i said okay lets do this and slapped his arm and he grabbed my head and gave me a long noogie and it made me laugh so much and when he was done i gave him a huge giant wedgie it was so funny he didnt seem too uncomfortable but god damn i pulled that underwear so high-up literally like half way up his torso and he texted me later saying he lost his watch trying to untuck the wedgie haha i love sam i just hope one day our time will come and we can be intimate together and i can wake up in a bed we slept together in and wake up to him playing piano and I'm naked in his bed like i just want to be so sweet and lovey to him he makes my legs when he looks at me and he just creates and turns something on in me and i like it i like his being he is a beautiful creation i want to treat him so well i want to paint for him i want to shower him in kisses and gifts and loves and songs i want to inspire him like he inspires me all these love songs i sing for him . i want to be able to share one day all the love songs i sing to him- they're so important , each one. they all bring me back to him. driving back i go to jaremys with brendon and we see élena and kevin aka my favorite ppl ever and elena opens the door and i see kevin and run to him and give him a big hug then elena sees us and i give her one but its unusual i went to him like out of my way to hug him but i hope he feels that like my love for him bc its so special and pure and just love like i love them so much and we all sat around the wooden floored apartment and sat on these psychedelic 70s couches and started tossing out of the air dumb jokes and elena looks at kevin and says you're just a totally different person with mary and laughs and says she's the same way bc we spent a few days togeth then she hung out with her friend and kept saying dumb jokes and they just didnt get it and she had to explain that she was with me and i got that too literally being with them i feel more intone and grounded to myself bc I'm just my dumb self which makes me the same to other people i literally love my life and everyone here and now i have a flight in like 8 hours to colorado to see alea and road trip to san francisco and get dropped off and continue my life at the ashram and as a yogi and a farmer and pure and back to mediating and yoga and I'm going to practice so much music and have a kick ass job being ana astronomy tutor i am ever so grateful for this summer its been the best and i really hope i can feel this way again when i get back with the same exact people

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