#so many little things that hurt that i just thought abour quietly. or didnt at all
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im down on my knees im bowing im weeping im holding fate by the hands shes intertwined our fingers. she is this glowing bright thing above me in front of me we are face to face. and she is telling me that everything i have done, each terrible little unforgivable mistake, will be figured out. she cannot promise it will not hurt, that to resolve these it might take everything in me. but she is holding me by the hands.
im in my room on the floor kneeling. she is sitting right in front of me, doing the same. my headis bowed and like one would grip the sink mirror in front of them, i grip her hands. i have a tight, trembling grip. but she is holding my hands. maybe, just maybe, one more day.
#for so long; ive thought `i also wish i was better`#because i know the expectations of those around me#and it astounds even me how much i fail them#but a few moments ago.... i remembered one of my mistakes. and it makes me sick that i would be this terribly and unfailingly selfish#and in it so easily neglectful#and i thought what would make this better.... what could i think of that would give me hope for the future#and hope that one day i might get past this?#and this is what i thought of#someone simply unfailingly holding me up#and how dramatic this all is#im sure ill be ashamed of it soon; if not when i wake up#but there is so much that i do not say that it feels freeing to say it for once#so many little things that hurt that i just thought abour quietly. or didnt at all#so its nnice. to put it into writing#to think that fate would hold me and tell me that one day it will all work out#koi talk
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