#so maybe if i make it obnoxiously gay (like myself) then i can deter the het shippers (not all just the ones that are starting ship wars)

[catboyidia]

omg now we have the yaoi and the yuri version of the rebirth key visual! 🥳 win for the gays AND the lesbians! yippee!!!

[purple-possibilities]

Character meme! Maito Gai! Casue I mean... look at my icon. This should be no surprise.

You have chosen the very greatest picture of Gai as your icon.  I am honoured to write this tribute to a lovely man.

First impression

Wuh… turtle… a man… on a turtle… a man on a turtle… in a green… a green… one piece… jumpsuit? with… orange… yellow… orange… puce… sienna… goldenrod—fuck it idk what colour that is it’s orange now—leg… legwarmers? are..eyebrows? what? but the other one? matching? what? i don’t… who thought this was a good idea?  Why… is that a sunset?  Why is he talking like this?  Is this funny? Is this dumb?  a turtle?  How is the turtle talking, and is it a tortoise or a turtle… idon’tlikehim—nowait—he’s the greatest

Impression now

Gai is amazing.  Hilarious.  I have mad respect for him.  He may have started off as a joke character but he is actually amazing, as a person, as a teacher, as a character, and I love him.

Favorite moment

After the Chuunin Prelims, the scene where Gai is talking to Lee about the probability of Lee surviving the procedure, and promises that if Lee dies, then Gai will die too.  It’s the first moment you see Gai being serious, and you learn the true measure of his devotion.  Gai might be loud and obnoxious and sunset genjutsus, but he’s also love and warmth and he would do anything for someone he cared about.  This was the first time we saw Gai—and Lee—as people and not gags.  And it was touching and sad and it really made me care about both of them.

Idea for a story

Fuck if I know.  Let met think…I hate to do this, but since Ume is known as the Queen of Angst I’m going to say I was inspired.  When Kakashi is in the midst of his ANBU depression and Gai petitions to be able to join, instead of saying ‘no,’ Sandaime says ‘yes.’  Now we’ve got ANBU Gai, being forced into completing these brutal missions or being charged with insubordination of the highest degree (the punishment of which, is death).  Not wanting to see Gai punished, Kakashi does the dirty work while Gai basically panics.  Seeing how much further into his shell this is pushing Kakashi, Gai bites the bullet and starts pulling his own weight.  The two spiral deeper into ANBU and the darkness that follows them, desperately grasping onto each other.  Gai finally begs Kakashi to leave one day, but Kakashi cannot, even seeing how affected Gai is.  So Gai sticks by his side, slowly killing off all the brightest parts of himself.  Until one day, Gai see’s a young boy with thick eyebrows trying his damnedest to be a ninja without chakra, and begs Sandaime to let him be the boy’s sensei.  Hiruzen finally smartens up, and ejects both Gai and Kakashi from ANBU.  They get their students, and they learn how to heal with their new purpose (Gai is better off at first, but he drags Kakashi behind him).  And then everything eventually works out because I was making myself sad.  As a payoff to having Gai in ANBU, let’s pretend that Kakashi and Gai were such a great team, they ended up finding Obito, they caught him, brought him to the village for rehabilitation.  No Uchiha Massacre, Madara is dead already and now has no one to bring him back to life, Zetsu walked into a patch of experimental weed killer and died (yes, all the Zetsu, it was a huge patch and they just kept walking into it for no reason. maybe there were some parasitic ants that took over their brains or something convenient like that), and everyone lives, everyone’s happy, hugs and kisses for everyone.  Boom.  Horrible ending.

Unpopular opinion

I honestly think Gai would be the greatest boyfriend.  As in: The. Greatest. Ever.  He would win awards for being an amazing boyfriend, and an amazing husband, and an amazing father.  Why?  Because he would give you his everything.  And not in a ‘Oh, I want to take advantage of the man,’ kind of way, but in the sense that, once Gai has decided you’re the one for him (even if you’re just the one for him right now) he is going to put soooo much effort into making sure you’d be happy.  He’d be bringing you little gifts every day, just because they reminded him of you.  They would probably all be different, things that he saw while doing his crazy training throughout the village, but they would all have some sort of deep personal meaning and you would probably love them.  Ok, there might be some trial and error in the beginning, but the man learns fast and never gives up.  If you didn’t like receiving physical gifts, he would gift you every day with something non-physical.  Maybe you like horrible poetry?  Gai will write you daily poems.  Maybe you like massages?  Gai will give you daily back massages, foot massages, wrist massages, full body massages (and i do mean full body massages) etc.  Maybe you just want someone to sit quietly with and cuddle for like an hour—Gai will stfu and cuddle with you.  Sure, he’ll be bursting with thoughts after, and he might get a little fidgety, but he will 100% do it, if it makes you happy.  So you better fucking treat him good or I’ll cut you.  Okay, Kakashi will cut you but still.  Don’t do that to Gai.  If you’re an introvert and you feel sometimes that his personality gets to be a little much, he will try to tone it down or give you space, but he’ll be back to 11 in a heartbeat if you change your mind.  He would remember every single important date.  If you wanted to go somewhere or do something, Gai would make it happen.  Whether that’s going skydiving off the mountains in Lightening, or looking for a mythical fish off the coast of Water, or going to the Land of Hotsprings for some R&R, or just going to the corner store to pick up your favourite take-out and that movie you were talking about.  Did you run out of sugar while baking?  Gai will bring you sooo much sugar in like two seconds flat.  Is he out of the village?  Doesn’t matter.  His summons are at your service (even if they’re a bit slower).  He would back you up no matter what (and even if you broke up, Gai would still have your back.  Gai is Ride or Die ok, he will be there for you as long as you’re not horrible and cheat on him or something.  Don’t be mean to Gai; he’s precious). If you’re having problems in your relationship, Gai will do his best to work them out with you.  Gai will go to therapy and work his ass off to make both of you happy. Gai obviously has his quirks and his own issues, and wheelchair bound Gai will probably take some time to bounce back into his normal vigour.  But honestly, out of his generation, he’d probably be the best boyfriend.  People don’t want to date Gai because LOUD and EYEBROWS and THAT HORRIBLE OUTFIT but a) he can be quiet if you need him to be, b) the eyebrows aren’t that bad get over it, and c) you bet your ass Gai looks amazing naked in civvies.  Don’t ask Gai to change for you (honestly, if you caught his attention, then I probably don’t have to tell you that) because that’s just mean.  But Gai will treat you right.  Date Gai.  You won’t find a better boyfriend.  And if you’re lucky and he proposes, marry Gai.  You might want to elope, though.  He will go a little overboard with the ceremony otherwise.  But hey, you’re dating Gai, you probably like overboard.  So go for the ceremony.  It will be the greatest wedding anyone has every attended.

Favorite relationship

If you’ve been on my blog for more than five minutes you know I love Kakashi.  But that is not my favourite relationship of Gai’s.  I love Gai’s relationship with his students, but specifically with Tenten.  Now I know what you’re thinking; sibi, why choose Tenten when there is Lee, Gai’s protege.  Well, it’s simple.  It’s easy to get along with someone who is like you.  Lee has always been a mini-Gai, and so it was not hard for them to bond.  Both have a relationship based on common interests and common goals, and it is a beautiful relationship.  Gai and Neji’s relationship falls in a similar vein; hard working student, eager to improve himself through hard work.  The problem here is that Gai isn’t much of a mentor—not by any fault of his own, but by virtue of Neji focusing on the Gentle Fist Style.  There were certainly exercises to build endurance and stamina and team bonds that Gai taught Neji, but Neji had a path already, and it was easy to guide him on it.  I love Gai’s relationship with Tenten because he had none of that.  All Gai had in common with Tenten was that they both work hard.  She had no real direction, she had no clan to teach her a specific style or put her on a path she could follow.  He could not identify with her as a girl, he didn’t really know how to treat her (because while Gai is a ball of sunshine he is awkward in his own way) but despite this, he didn’t give up.  He wanted to help her fulfil her goals.  Tenten’s dream was to be like Tsunade?  Gai was going to make that happen.  He tried to set her up with a medical ninja, since that’s what Tsunade was most famous for.  uh oh, Tenten didn’t have the chakra control.  Gai was not deterred.  Tsunade was known for her super strength…but that also required chakra control that Tenten didn’t have.  Gai was not deterred.  He tried to give her his summoning contract, but Tenten ended up insulting the tortoise and ruining that chance, as well as a chance for any animal summon (as the tortoises would surely gossip about the disrespect).  Gai was not deterred.  He taught her how to summon weapons.  He just kept trying.  Gai tried his best to equip Tenten with the skills she would need to fulfil her dream.  She did not end up proficient in the same way that Tsunade was.  But she found her own star.  She found something she loved, developed a fighting style all on her own, and became the greatest at what she did.  And Gai, who didn’t have the talents to teach her to be like Tsunade, didn’t go ‘oh well, I can’t help her,’ he said, ‘if this doesn’t work, then we’ll try that, and if that doesn’t work, we’ll try…’ until Tenten found herself.  He was an amazing mentor to all of his students, but this is most evident, in my opinion, with Tenten.

Favorite headcanon

I don’t remember where it started, but I like the idea that Gai is actually a genjutsu type, and whenever you see the sunset behind him, it’s actually him casting a low level genjutsu for theatrics. 

Here is the ask.  Send me a character (canon or oc) or even a pairing.  Up next is Genma, and then Hidan, Adult!Obito, Rock Lee, and Ino. (which I think I’m going to have to do later, it’s time for me to sleep).

Already completed: Madara, Kakashi, Shino, Tenzou

[choiminhovevo]

hehe

who’s messier? Paige, unfortunately. Artists are always messy, but once they gets a cleaning bug she can be neat as Minho

do they fight often? If an argument between the two gets out of hand Paige says “let’s settle this argument with Mortal Kombat” and Minho agrees. They’ve only argued maybe twice.

who’s the funnier drunk? Paige probably. Minho controls his alcohol well and Paige is a social drinker- one wine cooler and we’re done, but two wine coolers and they’re talking about electric forks and putting salt grains on spoons for shits and giggles and everything sounds stupid.

who’s uncomfortable with PDA and who loves it? Both hate pda don’t hold hands it makes you gay.

who texts more often? Minho texts a lot. Paige writes letters.

big spoon/little spoon? Minho wants to spoon Paige but Paige hates being touched, especially when they’re sleeping. They’d rather jetpack their tall princeling.

who made the 1st move? Minho, surprisingly. Paige didn’t hide their affections for Minho, but they were just affections, nothing more, did not want to act on them because rejection = instakill. When Minho reciprocated said feelings Paige freaked like any sensible shoujo manga protagonist would and it took two volumes for them to be like “okay my shortcomings compared to your flawlessness isn’t so bad so I guess we could date.”

any nicknames? Paige calls Minho “my sun and stars,” in Dothraki. It took Minho a good six months and three watches of Game of Thrones for him to realize that oh shit they’ve been calling me this all this time?!! And the boy heart-eyes at the thought. He calls them dearest and it takes all their willpower not to roll around on the floor and squeal.

the most embarrassing music on their phone? Minho has Top 40 on his phone and Paige has an amalgam of broadway hits, Asian pop, Bengali music and Techno music. Putting their music on shuffle during long road trips is a hoot. Minho can’t deal.

what’s “their song”? In their circle of friends Paige will insist “Amerikkaz Most Wanted” by Tupac and Snoop Dogg is their song, but truthfully it’s BoA’s “Romance”.

who reads more? Minho reads just as much as Paige, but Paige has the extensive book collection and always reads the longer, “difficult” books just for the hell of it.

who remembers anniversaries? They both do; Minho is sentimental and so is Paige (but they won’t admit it). Paige has a photographic memory and remembers everything.

who is better with kids? Minho; Paige is terrified of kids, but they like them for some reason so they are patient with them as they teach them languages and useless facts. (“hey did you know that kangaroos can’t jump backwards?”)

who tops/bottoms? Paige called bottom bunk (“but I gotta pee more at night!” Minho whines. “You get top bunk,” Paige growls, booting up Mortal Kombat X on the PS4)

what’s their favorite activity? Playing games together, traveling, playing soccer, swimming, having eating contests...

weirdest hobbies? Minho watches Ron Perlman montages on YouTube sometimes...

who would make a blanket fort? would the other help? Paige makes blanket forts (“I am a fearsome dragon and I am required a cave of my choosing.” “Paige there are no caves in Seoul.” “So this blanket fort will suffice, homie.”) Minho asks if he can come in and Paige cheerfully says yes you may, and thereby declares their dragon hoard as cute soccer boys named Minho.

who cooks? Paige. Minho can cook, but he’s busier than Paige and Paige is honestly better because if it were up to Minho it would be kimchi jjigae and ramyun mostly. Should Paige cook they don’t have the same recipe every week; sometimes they’ll do themed weeks. Just no Mexican (“but I like Mexican food!” Minho whines. “I’m sick of it, plus it gives you the Hershey squirts.” “Lies and slander!”)

how do they eat ice cream? what’s their favorite flavors? They put the ice cream in their mouth and they eat it…? Paige is allergic to ice cream and eats lime sorbet while Minho likes strawberry and vanilla.

who said “i love you” first? Believe it or not, Paige did. And Minho’s brain rebooted and he stumbled over the words as he said “hey I love you too champ.” and Paige’s brain is still short-circuiting to this day.

do they go on dates? what are they like? When Minho has free time and doesn’t want to play video games with Paige they go out to dinner, go to the aquarium, go book shopping to add to their burgeoning collection (“I just can’t help myself I need books!” Paige cries. “In a few short years we’re gonna be on Hoarders, aren’t we?”) They’re very quiet and don’t draw attention to themselves because there are fans about

Christmas traditions? They wear ugly Christmas sweaters and Paige speaks a lot of German, and they bake a lot of goodies from America that Minho hasn’t heard of.

do they go trick or treating? who stays home and hands out the candy? No one trick or treats in Seoul; kids don’t go wandering in the city like that, but they do go to costume parties. Paige brings in Halloween-themed treats and they engage in spooky tomfoolery with the other members of SHINee.

do they stargaze? Expand. Stargazing is difficult in Seoul, so when they go on their rare Jeju trip, they go to the most remote part of the island, where the only light is from the fishing boats. Paige didn’t major in astronomy and Minho isn’t familiar with constellations but they like to look up at the night sky and love the atmosphere. Almost always, Paige will start to sing the Discovery Channel’s “The World is Awesome” song and Minho always has to shut them up. Do they listen? Fuck no.

who’s the laziest? Paige! Shamelessly! Minho doesn’t complain because they pull their own weight and knows that their job requires that they do a lot and when they wants to do nothing, they will do nothing, Lord willing.

who complains more? Paige doesn’t like to complain; they internalizes their strife. Minho rarely complains.

who wakes up earlier? Paige naturally gets up at 6 am and hates it. If it were up to them they’d sleep in with Minho. Minho has to get up early for flights to other countries but he wants to sleep in with Paige.

who’s more protective? Minho is the feudal lord and Paige is the handmaiden.

who gets jealous easily? Minho. His middle name is Jealousy. Paige finds it amusing, but doesn’t purposefully get into situations where his jealousy may spike. Sometimes they call him “Eifersuchtig Honeypot” and he scowls at them.

how do they cuddle? when and where? They cuddle on the couch, under a snuggie, after a long day of dance practice and translation work and art and Minho is nursing a beer and Paige is watching Funhaus.

how did they meet? Christianmingles.com Paige was wandering around the restaurants by Konkuk and stumbled into a dumpling and ramyun shop. They were eating alone and Minho was there with Jinki and some friends from TV. Minho was lamenting about how he missed the food in America and how he would like to visit the other states (“I like Texas, it’s a shame I’m never there for more than 48 hours”) and Paige is like Texas? I’m from there! And them can’t help themselves and butts into the conversation, telling them about their family in Texas and all the pros and cons of America. Normally idols are tired and don’t want to engage in public, and Paige felt bad about that, but Minho and Jinki noticed that they didn’t act like a fan and didn’t invade their space like a fan, but as a person just casually overhearing their conversation. So they talk, and are happy that they know Korean. They both try to converse in English and Paige freaks and starts speaking in German (“I have no clue what you’re saying now????”) Jinki is flummoxed but Minho is intrigued and asks the ol’ “hey do you know kpop?” question and Paige deadpans “oh boy I do.” their dry and abrasive wit is enough to make Minho laugh and open up to them easily and offers to show them around Konkuk, since they are a teacher at the Konkuk middle school. And the rest is history.

what do they smell when they smell amorentia? The fuck is this.

what lockscreens do they have? Minho has a group selca of SHINee celebrating Paige’s birthday, and Paige has a photo of Minho napping and they put a bow on his head.

how many emojis do they use and which ones? Paige keeps forgetting that emojis are a thing and Minho uses emoticons like it’s 2011.

who throws ill-advised parties? Should Taemin visit Paige’s apartment for nefarious reasons he ropes them into throwing parties where it’s nothing but Achievement Hunter playing in the background and nonstop Cards Against Humanity and Million Dollars, But… and that they get to make snacks and regales the party in their wild stories of their travels. Also it devolves into a Minho roasting session. Paige is always down for it.

who sets the other’s ringtone to something loud and obnoxious behind their back? Minho because Paige never locks their phone. What he doesn’t know is that Paige always has their phone on vibrate. The joke backfires. (note: the phone is Ouran High School Host Club’s opening theme and when Paige finds out they’re pissed and go to put their phone on sound)

lick-claiming. who does it? is the other deterred? Minho, believe it or not. (“Choi we have kissed at least five times your cooties are now my cooties.” Paige takes the cookie, stares into Minho’s eyes, and bites into it with passion. Minho fumes)

who glitterizes everything? Paige! Loves glitter and would have it in every inch of the apartment if they could.

who is obsessed with HSM? Minho and Paige is like “love is dead”

who draws sharpie dicks on the other when they get blackout drunk? Minho was blackout drunk once and Paige didn’t put dicks on his face (“his face is perfect I’m not gonna mar it”) but they do take his phone and put the meatspin on all his phone tabs. Minho was displeased.

who uses chopsticks/can either of them use chopsticks? Both use chopsticks, but Paige is left-handed and holds chopsticks funny and Minho calls them out on it. (“How the fuck you expect me to eat these noodles, son?!”)

when they can’t sleep what do they do? Paige takes heavy amounts of melatonin to sleep, but it rarely works so they lie there talking about their desires to travel and what they’re gonna eat the next day.

what order do they wash themselves in the shower? They both wash anywhere and everywhere; showers are for cleaning you heathen.

who impulse buys? Paige, but mainly impulse buys food and snacks.

who’s clumsier? Paige is the Lad of Stubbed Toes and who the fuck put this banana peel here? Gotta step on it? Step on it? Why? You gotta.

what are their coffee orders? Minho likes Americano with a pump of vanilla syrup, Paige likes earl grey tea with inordinate amounts of sugar.

what apps do they have? Minho has the same apps as Paige except for Pinterest, Google Docs, Netflix, and Twitter. He has sports apps and an English vocabulary app for him to practice. Paige has translator apps and Google Docs.

what are their favorite TV shows? Both like watching old school anime and nature documentaries. Paige watches travel programs and Minho watches sports