#so much for saying ju ain't my bias anymore HAHAHA maybe i lied

[jeongjaebae]

as a friend — juyeon

wc: 1.3k

@skrtbabe this one's for you

he's the new kid in your major. a transfer, they say. juyeon, for whatever reason, clings onto you during his first week when you show him around the college and help him find his classes. he's all shy smiles and takes every word you say so seriously, and it makes your heart flutter because having him—someone so good looking and sweet and humble—be remotely interested in you? it gives you hope that maybe you'll actually find love in this hell hole of a school. maybe life wouldn't be so bad anymore.

but one week later, the popular crowd discovers him and it's like he disappears as he gets absorbed into their group. leaving you to watch along the sidelines as someone who you could've been good friends with gets chosen by the in crowd. and it just feels so unfair because you got to know him first. he still says hi to you in the halls, but you know that soon enough, he'll also be pretending that he doesn't know you. that you no longer exist to him. because isn't that what naturally happens?

jacob tells you not to worry about him, though. and it's fine because life has always been this way and it's your fault for getting your own hopes up. but little did you know, juyeon's not someone who cares about status or popularity. the next term when he walks into the lecture hall and gives you a smile and then waves at sunwoo and eric, he's not heading towards them. the sound of juyeon's steps get closer and closer until you feel the brush of his arm against yours as he settles in the seat beside you.

"hey," he says with a smile. "glad we finally have a class together. i missed seeing you around."

and it confuses you because why is he still talking to you? he's been here long enough to get a sense of social rankings or anything like that, and he's got the looks and personality to make himself the 'it boy' of your college.

but throughout the term you get an idea of who he is. he makes time for you, smiles at you like it's an inside joke that only the two of you share. he even pays for your dinner at some point and you're not even sure how you made it this far because was it a dinner date? each day he's reaching over to write corny pickup lines between the margins of your notebook has surely got to mean something, right? he writes in pencil but you don't erase them; the words have somehow engraved themselves in your heart more than on paper anyway.

it's not until semiformal comes and you're sure that he's going to ask someone else. someone, anyone, except for you. it's okay; you hadn't planned on going anyway when jacob thought it'd be much more fun to marathon your favourite horror movies in his dorm. except—it happens. juyeon, as casually as ever, slips it into the conversation over dinner one night. it was another one of your date-not-dates that you've become all too accustomed to, just going along with waitresses when they complimented the cute couple.

"what do you think about going to semi with me?"

perhaps you nearly choke on your mouthful of noodles. "what?"

but he doesn't pull out an excuse that it's just to experience something new at a new school, and he doesn't need you there to act as a tour guide. juyeon simply nods, albeit not as confident as he usually seems.

"yeah," his voice is a little softer now, barely audible over the chatter of people around you, "will you? go with me?"

and how could you possibly say no when the look on his face says he cares, that there's no way he'd actually be nervous or fearful of being rejected if he doesn't?

but still, you have to clarify.

"like," you drag out the word, feeling just as hesitant as he is, "as a friend?"

a frown immediately appears on his lips. "no," juyeon shakes his head a little, "not as a friend. as my date."

"oh." five minutes go by. "as your... date." stupidly repeating it back is the only thing you could do at this point.

he looks pained. embarrassed. he looks like he wants to rewind time and take back his words or fast forward it and sink into the ground. even so, he's so endearingly cute that you can't help but stare for a while.

"yeah," you finally answer. "i'd like that. yeah, i'll go as your date."

and so, semiformal was what you'd like to think as your first official date.

but if you thought things were confusing before, juyeon makes them pretty clear soon after. the way his hand rests at your waist the entire night, the way his lips automatically curve up even if just spotting you from across the room—you notice it although you pretend not to. and while you try to convince yourself that it has to be fake, that all of this is either a dream or a prank or something that he does to everyone, there comes a moment when all of that stops.

it's quieter outside, with only the faint sound of voices floating over from the main hall.

"how did you feel about tonight?" juyeon asks, hand circling your wrist lightly. "did you have fun?"

you nod, "yeah. it was nice."

"was it?" the smile on his face fades, replaced by a sad frown. he lets go of you. "you can tell me the truth, you know. it didn't look like you enjoyed tonight at all."

"what? no, that's not—"

"actually, i get the feeling that you just—don't like being around me?" he runs a hand through his already deflating hair, turning it back into his casual, everyday look. "y/n, do you not like me?"

but how could you tell him? that it wasn't that you didn't enjoy yourself but rather you felt the need to hold back. the fact that you always want to hold back when it comes to him because of this overwhelming fear of just how much you like him. you don't want to admit nor acknowledge you like him so much that it might break you when all of this inevitably ends.

and amidst all of this hiding, avoiding, and being quite cold towards him, you never realized that it might be you hurting him.

you quickly shake your head. "no, that's not why. it's—the opposite, okay?" you let out a shaky exhale. "i like you. so much that i don't even understand it myself, much less be able to express it when i'm around you. and just—i don't understand why you're still around? you're popular and smart, and there are so many people around you who are also pretty and popular, and—and—"

"hey," juyeon gently takes your hand, "it's okay. you don't have to understand it. but y/n, it's never about popularity or any of that stuff. they don't matter to me. people don't... like me for me, because they don't really know me. but it's different with you. i like who i am when i'm around you."

"yeah?"

he nods, bringing your hand up to his cheek. "yeah. and i wouldn't change that for anything." and the way he looks at you tells you that perhaps you weren't the only one holding back. you can see it now, the care, the sincerity in his eyes. you can hear it in his voice when he asks softly, "can i kiss you?"

and you definitely see it when he breaks into a smile at your nod, and feel it when he presses his lips to yours so delicately. sweetness lingers on his breath as fingers brush your cheek, and when your heart seems to run and run until it's about to explode, you let it.

because when juyeon pulls back and there's a twinkle in his eyes, you know that he'll be right there to catch all the pieces and hold them together.