#so obviously now I dont wanna add any of them as my pfp even though im proud of the makeup bc of my dysphoria

[princeanxious]

I'm havin a struggle and im gonna ramble about it under a cut:

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Why is it so gosh dang hard to try and present as male with makeup on. I wanna wear rainbows and my punk monochromes, i wanna have eyeliner so thick and sharp it cuts!! I wanna have black lipstick so dark ive achieved the goth dream, be that damn-near monochromatic dark prince on some days and on others be the gayest lil sunshine prince I can be!! Because doing makeup good gives me enough confidence to want to show my hard work off to people and go outside w/o anxiety!!

But then I pull back from being close to the mirror and realize it utterly ruins my general presentation as a transman(/nb? I'm uh. Not sure abt that possible change atm. Still he/him though). I dont quite care about looking 'manly' or ultra masculine and boyish or however one puts it, but, it ssuckss. Like. It wouldnt be so hard if I could do contours and actually give my face masculine definition would it??(i mean, maybe not. Even then having cotton candy colors and flashy eyeliner still blurrs those lines huh)

But I cant contour. I'm babyfaced. I dont have cheekbones, my chin is a wobbly point, if i tried id literally make my face boxy looking(which. No. Nope. I'd legit look like minecraft steve)

Which is just like >:(( I can pull off the adrogenous thing sans my dramatic makeup choices, but the shape of my face + the full dramatic makeup I love doing just immediately triggers my brain's dysphoria. Not to mention I am a short king here, standing tall at 5'1 w/ a voice that cant raise very high lest it rise in pitch as well, which doesnt help at all w/ the misgendering

Because thats what I dont want to happen, is to be misgendered in public. Ya boi has a beanie w/ his pronouns, love wins, and anxiety pins. My day-to-day hoodie literally says "Sounds Gay I'm In" and 75% of my shirts are gay/trans pride/rainbow themed. I could literally not be more open abt being queer.(though at this point ima get/make a transflag patch and gaypride flag patch to sew onto the shoulders of that hoodie I fear its apparently not clear enough) and just like.

Hnng. Maybe, maybe this gay disaster of a trans prince wants other queers to approach him because he wants to find more of his people to talk to. because hes a bit of a lonely lil prince and is socially stunted and only knows how to make friends through projecting who he is/what he likes through his physical appearance/attire and is also a hopeless demiromantic gay who doesnt understand romance but desprately wants to???

Like hnng how do y'all do it?? ;; I just wanna come off as a gay lil confident prince & flirt with/befriend some fellow queer friends and I dont know how :((