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#somehow met my 55 books reading goal
linseedling · 4 months
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I read some absolute bangers this year.
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blueinkblot · 2 years
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I posted 21,415 times in 2021
18 posts created (0%)
21397 posts reblogged (100%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 1188.7 posts.
I added 1,440 tags in 2021
#writing bits and bobs - 553 posts
#writing advice - 200 posts
#drafting - 184 posts
#character development - 125 posts
#don't feed into my growing love for hero x villain - 95 posts
#others' writing - 72 posts
#people are wonderful - 60 posts
#writing research - 57 posts
#writing prompts - 55 posts
#worldbuilding - 39 posts
Longest Tag: 115 characters
#especially in the we've systemically fucked these people over and now we're going to use them to fight our wars bit
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
This or that
Taken from @eyes-like-the-night
spell or curse / abandoned mansion or haunted cemetery / vampire slayer or ghost hunter / phoenix or griffin / wrist bite or neck bite / fairy godmother or evil stepmother / herbs or potion / ghost or wraith / dragon scales or werewolf claws / druid or mage / elf or hobbit / divination or necromancy / wand magic or hand magic / centaur or unicorn / dark fairytale or disney-style fairytale / sword or bow & arrow / siren or water nymph / garlic or silver / talking animal or walking tree / demon trap or crossroads pact / enchanted fairy forest or mermaid lagoon
Like eyes-like-the-night, I’m tagging whoever wants to do this
3 notes • Posted 2021-03-20 06:16:38 GMT
#4
9 and 34?? have a lovely day 💕
(@ink-fireplace-coffee)
9. your favourite book of 2020
okay pretty sure I didn't finish it butttttttt I did start Outlander after seeing some of the show (my mom, my sister, and a friend of mine really love it) and wow Claire is a wonderful narrator. POV character goals.
besides that I can't think of a whole lot of books I read in 2020, whoops
34. a book featuring the enemies to lovers trope
ahahahaaaaa I haven't read a whole lot of enemies to lovers
yet
but I can tell you it's featuring presently in a lot of my writing.
3 notes • Posted 2021-06-28 04:23:59 GMT
#3
I’ve found a notebook of snippets I somewhat like, I’m done with finals, and I should most definitely be asleep.
Here we go!
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Somehow he’d coaxed you into sitting across his lap - a mere smidgen better than straddling him, you supposed - and with your hands on his shoulders steadying you you could feel how cold he was despite the layers of decadent, old-fashioned clothing he wore. 
You felt your stomach knot at the peek of his fangs from beneath his upper lip.
“Look at me, birdie,” he said, and as soon as your eyes met your gazes were locked and you couldn’t look away from him.
“How are you feeling?”
Scared didn’t feel like the right answer - besides, you weren’t - and you weren’t exactly bored either.
You shook your head in response and shrugged.
“You’re not tired? At all?”
As soon as you processed what he’d said - and maybe even a blink earlier - lethargy suffused through you. You felt surprise and anxiety bloom at the way the sheer exhaustion began to drag you down.
He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear before petting down the side of your face with the back of his fingers.
“That’s it, sweetling, just fall asleep.”
His tone seemed soft, the way a partner might say it, but there was an edge to it that reminded you of a predator closing in on their prey.
“Keep me safe while I sleep, won’t you?” you mumbled as you felt your eyelids droop.
***
As she slumped forward into his shoulder Erich felt his thirst freeze in its tracks. Instead, some deep-instilled sense of protectiveness urged him to wrap his arms around her and draw her close. Besides, she radiated heat like his own little sun - and so what if he absentmindedly started running his fingers down the back of her head? She was asleep, and there was no one else to take note of what he was doing.
Erich adjusted how Bethany was sitting so her chin rested on his shoulder - she’d fallen forehead-first into him, and he just knew she’d wake up with a tension headache if he didn’t do something.
He sat back against the bed’s headboard, and wrapped his arms around her, catching her begin to snore softly as he fell prey to his own memories.
4 notes • Posted 2021-05-15 15:01:05 GMT
#2
hey friends! It’s almost NaNoWriMo, so if anybody else wants a writing buddy my user is the same there!
5 notes • Posted 2021-10-29 00:15:44 GMT
#1
new “official” blog
hey writeblr/artist friends!
I’ve started an official (read: safe for people unwise to the ways of tumblr) writing blog. I’ll still have my same nonsense going on over here; this new blog is just in the interest of someday getting published. it took a lot of thought and angst as to how I could have a place to showcase what I was working on, and keep all the people I’ve met on this blog.
so! if you’d like to follow, the new blog is @katbwrites
27 notes • Posted 2021-03-18 22:04:23 GMT
Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →
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romansmironov · 4 years
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Finding Your Purpose in Life – Powerful Insights from a Life Coach
Does finding your purpose in life seem like a daunting task? You might even have a lot of ambition but you just don't know where to start.
Keep reading to learn actionable tips from Tomas Svitorka. Tomas is a successful life coach who guides people to create results they want in life. If you do what he says, you'll find your purpose in life.
There is also an audio version of this interview with Tomas. Check it out here.
Finding your purpose in life is key to fulfillment
In a happiness survey conducted in 28 countries, 47% of respondents say "feeling their life has meaning" is the greatest source of happiness.
Only three things are ranked higher than that:
·        health and physical well-being (55%)
·        their children (48%)
·        their relationship with their spouse or partner (48%)
How can you find your life purpose?
Since I'm a life coach, clients come to me as they search for their life purpose. Often, people expect that they should just know what their calling is. And I tell them it's naive.
Take romantic relationships, for example
It's as if you're thinking, "I should know who I will marry one day." You can't because you haven't met them yet. So, how do you find a life partner? You go out and talk to people, go on dates.
With some people, there's a little bit of a spark, chemistry, passion. Finally, you go on a date and all of a sudden something clicks, right?
It's rarely love at first sight. They look attractive and you start getting to know them. You start getting to know their mind, their feelings, their passions. And the more you get to know them, the more you realize that you love them.
Now, apply the same mindset to finding what you want to do in life
Ask yourself:
·        Maybe, you didn't think about your life purpose enough yet.
·        Perhaps, you haven't tried enough things that people need to explore.
·        Maybe, you didn't try a particular thing long enough to fall in love with it.
These and similar questions will help you reveal your interests. That's what you need to do then:
·        Try those different things.
·        Go out and explore more.
·        Read about other things.
·        Volunteer.
·        Get different jobs.
·        Pick up lots of hobbies.
As you get to know the features of professions, something will just feel right. And the more you understand those features, the more you can start putting them together. You start thinking, "How can I bring this all together and do it as a job?"
The question "How can I put this all together and do it as a job?" led me to life coaching
The same thing happened to me.
When I went into personal development, I realized:
1.       I love sharing my knowledge with people
2.      I love helping people and you know
3.     I love seeing them grow in life
How could I do this professionally then? And the closest thing I knew was to become a psychotherapist. So, at the age of 25, I went back to college and I did my degree in psychology. It was so fascinating and I really enjoyed it. But I didn't want to be a psychotherapist.
·        It can be quite dark and heavy.
·        It's a slow process that's more about fixing rather than improving.
·        It's like getting towards the okay zone rather than the high-performance zone.
I also didn't want to be a clinical psychologist, testing cats and rats. So, I asked myself again, "What do I love? What do I want to do?"
1.       I love psychology, I love setting goals, I love mindset.
2.      I loved working with people.
3.     I love helping people
4.     And I hate having a boss
How can I put that together?
And somehow coaching emerged as an idea.
I started looking into coaching
I didn't know anyone who was making a living as a coach at that time. I decided to give it one year of my absolute attention and all my time. And if in one year, I could make enough money from coaching to quit my day job, this is what I would do.
And I threw myself into it. I started reading books and going through courses. I started coaching people for free. And I still had my full-time job at the time.
So, I was working Monday to Friday, from 9 am till 6 pm. And I was coaching on evenings and weekends. And you know what? In a year, I was nowhere near making enough money to support myself with coaching.
But I fell in love with it. I just loved coaching and realized that I wanted to pursue it no matter what:
"I don't care if it takes three or five years, I'm just going to make it work."
Finding your purpose in life is a journey that takes time
Often, people deny themselves the opportunity to fall in love with something. They don't give themselves enough time. They try it for a couple of months and they struggle at best. And then they quit because it's hard.
But that's too early. You've got to persevere on this journey to understand who you are. There isn't enough self-knowing, self-awareness, and self-transparency. That's why it's so hard to feel what the right path should be. But when you take the time to get to know yourself through exploring, journaling, etc., everything falls into place gradually.
Self-discipline is key to finding your purpose in life
See, successful people never complain when it comes to getting things done. Whereas others whine and bitch and cry. And life is terrible. And when I work with them, it turns out that they don't do anything. They can't get themselves to do it. They're unmotivated.
Self-discipline is crucial for getting what you want in life because it requires a lot of work. Work that you don't need to do, e.g., finding your purpose in life. You can get by without doing it. That's exactly why you need self-discipline to do it.
Three most important ways to develop self-discipline
You can develop self-discipline by relying on these three tools.
Tool 1: Develop your identity as a disciplined person
People who are not disciplined always say things like:
·        I'm weak.
·        I don't have willpower.
·        I always quit.
And by saying that, they encourage being weak. So, the most important part is developing the identity of a disciplined person.
For example, self-discipline is such a big part of my identity that being disciplined comes easy to me. It's just who I am. And not being disciplined feels fake, like I'm trying to be someone who I'm not.
So, stop any kind of negative self-talk that encourages not being disciplined.
Tool 2: Set reasonable goals to develop a mindset of getting things done
Many people make a mistake of setting their goals too big. It's the 1st of January, and they feel compelled to set stretching goals for the year.
For example, they commit to a 2-hour morning routine. And they've never done anything like this before. The first two days are exciting. But then, they get a little bit sleepy and then they quit on the 5th of January.
Why? It was too much of a change.
I always tell people to set achievable goals. Start with a goal that's almost easy to accomplish. And stick with it, say, for 30 days, just to get into a mindset or rhythm of getting things done. And then add a little bit more.
It doesn't matter how big the task is. What matters is consistency.
Tool 3: Track progress to feel motivated and be consistent
Tracking your progress with your goals and habit is encouraging and exciting. That's because we all want to see that we're making progress.
For example, I've created a tool called "The Consistency Calendar." It tracks how often you stick to a new habit or a goal. Every day, you make a color mark about whether you've stuck to a goal or not. Over time, you’ll be able to see how consistent you are. There is something satisfying about seeing the colors and looking back at a whole month or a year.
Takeaways
1.       It's naive to expect to know what your purpose in life is. You need to explore a lot first.
2.      Find what you like to do. And then ask, "How do I put that together and do it as a job?"
3.     Persevere on this journey to understand who you are. Often, people quit too early.
4.     Cultivate an identity of someone who's disciplined. Stop negative self-talk about being weak.
5.     Set reasonable goals. And keep making them bigger gradually. Don't overstretch yourself.
6.     Track your progress as you work on your goals or new habits. Use a visual tool that motivates you.
___
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biofunmy · 5 years
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Polyamory Works for Them – The New York Times
The Look
Having multiple partners can mean more pleasure, but it’s not always easy.
Photographs by Yael Malka
Text by Alice Hines
Produced by Eve Lyons
Through a half-century of sexual upheaval, monogamy has been a curious stalwart.
The tradition of having a single sexual partner is among the only sexual practices liberals and conservatives rarely disagree about. Its blandness belies mysterious origins: Scientists have yet to conclude why prairie voles, much less people, prefer to bond in long-term pairs.
Yet in certain concrete burrows, monogamy’s inverse is on the rise. Jade Marks, a 26-year-old artist and herbalist in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn, recalled a recent post by a friend on Instagram: “Are there any other queers out there who are monogamous?”
That feeling may have something to do with the immediate environment. Most weekends in New York, a smattering of events cater to the non-monogamous. There are lecture series, workshops and discussion groups. There are cocktail hours and meet-and-greets. And there are, of course, parties.
On a recent Saturday night in Crown Heights, an angelic gatekeeper in a pastel harness did her best to assure a reporter that she wouldn’t be a total buzz kill at a private party of 200 mostly straight, mostly non-monogamous New Yorkers. “Just watching is O.K.!” she said outside the site, a loft lit like an infrared sauna. “Have a good time! Stay hydrated! And always ask for consent!”
Inside were some of the happiest-looking sober adults ever seen after 2 a.m. “It’s like ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ meets a Gaspar Noé film,” said a Scandinavian digital artist and recent Brooklyn transplant. He and his girlfriend were attending for the first time; they had read about the party, called NSFW, on the internet.
NSFW caters to the 25-to-35 age bracket, has an all-black dress code and is made up of 60 percent women, according to its founder, Daniel Saynt. Its application for membership requires a social media profile link (“It’s very curated,” Mr. Saynt said) and responses to open-ended and check-box questions (“ultimate fantasy” is a short answer; optional boxes to check include “hedonist,” “daddy” and “label-less”). That may sound like the precursor to a job interview, but the point is to ensure that the needs of attendees are met. Wouldn’t it be nice if other clubs worked that way?
“I don’t think that polyamory is somehow more evolved than monogamy,” said Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher who will teach an online course for couples and individuals seeking to open their relationships this fall. “But it should be an option. People should have more options.”
That was a maxim for the two dozen non-monogamous people interviewed for this article. The subjects, who represent a range of ethnicities, sexual orientations, gender identities and professions, agreed on this: For them, more partners means more exploration and more pleasure.
Consensual or ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term that encompasses various relationship models, including polyamory, open relationships, sexual encounters with more than two people and swinging. Polyamorists are interested in exploring long-term relationships with multiple people. Swingers tend to be older couples opening their marriages recreationally.
According to a 2014 Chapman University survey, 5 percent of American relationships identify themselves as non-monogamous. In a more recent survey of single adults in the United States, in 2017, one-fifth of respondents said they would try some form of non-monogamy at some point in their lifetime.
In major cities, there are plenty of ways for non-monogamous and polycurious people to meet, among them apps, dinners, friends, blind dates and parties. In New York, organized sex parties include Chemistry, which requires a Q. and A. application and photo, but doesn’t screen for a particular look; NYC Inferno, a gay play party that mostly attracts cisgender men but is open to queer, trans and nonbinary people (Playhouse, a spinoff event, revolves around trans guys); Skirt Club, a members-only club for bisexual women; and Wonderland, which welcomes everyone as long as they bring a buddy who will vouch for them, and are committed to fantastical dress codes (“Ancients vs. Aliens,” “Dungeons and Drag Queens”).
Now a cottage industry of coaches and educators has cropped up to help polyamorous partners strive for compersion, the happy-for-you alternative to jealousy. Effy Blue, a relationship coach in Brooklyn, works with all of the following: triads, or three people in a committed relationship together; individuals seeking to transparently date multiple lovers simultaneously; partners who each have intimate friends, all of whom are close; and clients cultivating long-term relationships with someone who already has a primary partner.
“There is no single model that suits everyone,” Ms. Blue said. She also wrote a book on play-party etiquette. “Consent is the cornerstone of any well-produced, healthy and fun sex party,” she said. “This makes it safer and more fun than an average nightclub on any given day.”
Ella Quinlan, a 27-year-old event planner, said she knows hundreds of peers on the East and West Coasts practicing their own flavors of non-monogamy. In her own relationship with Lawrence Blume, a 55-year-old tech investor, Ms. Quinlan’s goal is to enhance what is conventionally beloved about monogamy, she said.
“We want to show people that it’s actually possible to be in a long-term, healthy, satisfying, deeply rooted and connected emotional relationship with somebody — and do this,” Mr. Blume said.
It’s not always easy. “There’s a lot of talking, and it takes a lot of work,” said Jade Marks. When Jade began exploring non-monogamy with Tourmaline, Jade’s primary partner, the pair quickly realized they had different expectations: Jade wanted casual encounters, while Tourmaline preferred sustained relationships with multiple people.
It took a lengthy negotiating period. Boundaries helped: Jade and Tourmaline established safe sex guidelines, and a rule of not bringing any partners to the apartment they share, though Jade said they have “a clause” for unexpected encounters.
Some emotions come with the territory. “A lot of us grew up with few of examples of what supportive queer, trans or non-monogamous relationships look like,” Tourmaline said. Among the couple’s queer and trans peers, non-monogamy can sometimes seem compulsory. “It’s O.K. to feel jealous,” Jade said. “It’s O.K. for this to be hard.”
Karen Ambert, 35, met Kenneth Play, a 38-year-old sex educator, three years ago on an art bus that was touring their neighborhood of Bushwick. Two years later, Mr. Play introduced Ms. Ambert, an emergency-room physician, to the man who became her second boyfriend, Geronimo Frias, the co-owner of a parkour gym.
It’s not technically a triad, but a V, as the relationship configuration is known in the poly community. Mr. Play and Mr. Frias don’t date each other, but they do date other people. (Mr. Play employs an assistant, in part to help book his rotating cast.)
Polyamorous for most of her adult life, Ms. Ambert hid it from her colleagues in medical school and residency. “I was always worrying about the next step. How will this impact my education and career?” she said. But recently she has grown more comfortable in her professional standing, and felt ready to come out about her love life too.
Mr. Frias was sitting on a couch at the home of Mr. Play with Ms. Ambert wedged in the middle, basking in the gaze of four adoring eyes.
Sexual repression is at the root of the wider public stigma about non-monogamy, said Narjesi Tragic, an environmental science student in Queens.
But that’s rapidly changing along with “tolerance of different kinds of lifestyles, traditions, religions,” said Orion Starbreeze, Narjesi’s metamour (both date Tiana North, a professional dominatrix and dog trainer, but not each other).
“We’re returning to that nomadic sharing of partners and resources,” Ms. North said. “There’s ride shares, there’s house shares, bike shares — we’re in a sharing generation now.”
Which, for some, is easier to intellectualize than practice. “The biggest obstacle to free love is the emotion we call jealousy,” the sex educators Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton write in the 1997 edition of their book “The Ethical Slut,” which introduced many Americans to the concept of non-monogamy.
One morning, I Skyped with Na’Im Najieb, a 33-year-old author, and Tyomi Morgan, 31, who is a sexuality coach. The two of them have been in an open marriage for a year and a half, and they recommend the use of mindfulness techniques to overcome jealousy.
“Is this really my partner separating from me?” Ms. Morgan said she asks herself when feelings of insecurity arise. “Or am I struggling my own abandonment issues, and needing to clearly express to Na’Im what affirmation I need to receive?”
Instead of jealousy, Ms. Morgan said she tries to think about gratitude and send messages like, “I was thinking about how much I appreciate you,” rather than, “Where are you?” and “Who are you with?”
Ms. Ambert, Mr. Play and Mr. Frias are all members of Hacienda, an intentional sex-positive community in Bushwick. (Mr. Play is a founder .)
Hacienda Villa, one of four locations, is an unassuming brick rowhouse across from an auto-body shop. Below the open concept kitchen-living room where 14 roommates have house meetings about chores, is a basement where events like Learn to Love Oral Sex: Tips from a Real Sex Worker (open to the public) and Second-Base Brunch (members only) are held.
“There’s a lot of sex problems in the world, like harassment,” Mr. Play said of the community’s mission. “We’re trying to engineer a way to coexist and celebrate sex without harming each other.”
He, Ms. Ambert, and Mr. Frias were currently in the process of contemplating a practice new to many of their open-minded friends and acquaintances: raising children.
“We’re in an extremely happy situation, and yet with a future that’s uncertain,” said Mr. Frias, 41, who is discussing starting a family with Ms. Ambert. “Being married and having kids in a V, I don’t know anyone else personally who’s done it.”
The idea was spurred during a conversation between Mr. Play and Ms. Ambert. It started much like any couple’s might, with Ms. Ambert saying she wanted children sooner rather than later, and Mr. Play hesitating.
Then Mr. Frias was in the picture. Like Ms. Ambert, he, too, wants children.
It was precisely her quality of “accepting people exactly as they are,” without trying to curtail their individual desires, that makes talk of such a long-term commitment possible, he said. “I’m not trying to change anything about her, and she’s not trying to change anything about me,” he added.
And those are just the emotional perks, said Mr. Play, who is coming around to the idea of helping raise children who aren’t his own. “Three incomes. Three parents. No one feels like they’re drowning in responsibility,” he said. “And the kid, surrounded by more loving adults.”
“I think this is really beneficial — a good life hack.”
Yael Malka is a photographer and artist raised in the Bronx and now based in Brooklyn. Alice Hines is a writer in New York City.
Sahred From Source link Arts
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porcupineinajacuzzi · 6 years
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An Introduction to Pied Piper Inc.
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Originally published February 16th, 2016
Earlier today, fans all over North America let out a collective squee of delight as it was revealed that Pied Piper Inc. has licensed the anime series Skip Beat! for DVD and Blu-ray. Who is this new magical, wish granting company though? Well, allow me to fill you in as earlier this week I had the chance to sit down with the president of the company, Ann Yamamoto, and ask her some questions about Pied Piper Inc. and their plans for the future.
- Pied Piper seemed to come out of nowhere. Earlier this decade the company ran a very successful Kickstarter and distributed the Time of Eve movie but now you’ve decided to venture into licensing anime yourselves. What was the decision making process behind this new direction?
The decision making process was very organic. When I launched the Time of EVE Kickstarter, I saw it as a small experiment. Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would be a 2-year journey involving music licensing, book publishing, and collaboration with fans around the world.
I came out with three crystal clear realizations.
First, the Kickstarter was the single most challenging and satisfying experience in my professional life. I knew with absolute certitude that I wanted to do anime crowdfunding again.
And, as the final rewards were shipping, I was over-the-top delighted to get messages from backers asking me to do another campaign.
Finally, I didn’t make a single cent. OK, I’ll just go out and say it. I lost money. Toward the end, I was paying my accountant, bookkeeper and outside vendors, but not myself. But, I also realized that the project had been my greatest teacher. Sure, a lot of these lessons were kind of jack-of-all-trades skills, like uploading 1,300 addresses into Amazon’s shipping interface or packaging ceramics for shipment to Russia. However, there were other more meta lessons. For example, being able to think through the full ramifications of a spec change, or knowing how to approach licensing for music, books, bonus videos and merchandise.
So, I decided to think of the financial loss as business school tuition. I decided, you know what, I’d be a fool not to use that knowledge toward something that I love to do, and toward solving problems that matter to anime fans.
- With so many companies in the United States already competing against each other, what makes your company stand out against the rest? Is there a particular niche that you’re aiming to fill?
Honestly, I don’t see myself in competition with other distributors/localization companies. First of all, I am a tiny operation! I don’t see myself going head-to-head for licenses. I find the gems that somehow have fallen through the cracks.
And, I think what I do is a little bit different from other distributors, with the exception of Robert Woodhead at AnimEigo. It is true that I’m after the same bundle of rights (merch, videogram). But, I am not primarily in the business of selling products. Other companies do that much better than I could ever do. My focus is offering the opportunity to join something like a barn raising. To me, the reward tiers are like tickets to an experience, and the goody bag at the end is the fruition of our collective effort. My dream is that fans come away from the experience somehow changed – such as having a greater appreciation of the title, or of anime as a whole.
Like other distributors, my roles are gaining the trust of the rightsholder and taking on the risk of getting the license. But then, after that, my role is to bring the backers into the localization process as much as possible. This might be quality checking of subtitles or voting on packaging designs, or sharing very detailed and transparent “behind-the-scenes” updates about the localization process.
I am not wedded to crowdfunding per say. Technology is creating new ways for people to collaborate, and I think ecommerce is playing catch up. I think we will see more models and platforms emerge in the next few years, and I want to be part of that.
- Over the last few years, anime fans have been turning to streaming sites more and more in order to get their fix. Does Pied Piper have any plans to join the streaming/simulcast market or will you be sticking to home video releases?
At this point, I don’t see how I can bring more value to streaming/simulcast.
In fact, streaming creates a new set of problems, namely backlog and overwhelming choice. I see myself as counter-programming, if that makes sense.
- Another thing fans have seen over the last few years is the market split sharply behind the high-end “boutique” distributors and the mass-market providers. Where does Pied Piper see itself fitting in the current landscape?
I am all about boutique, bespoke!
- In an ideal situation, how active would Pied Piper like to be this year? To put it another way, can fans potentially look forward to many license announcements over the next twelve months or is the company more interested in a slow and steady approach to potential licenses?
The biggest challenge to my business model is that it isn’t really scalable. I love the process of negotiating with backers and the Japan-side creators, and I’m not interested in handing that off. So we’ll see. Last year I wrote up a business plan that calls for 4 projects and 8,000 total backers each year. *If* this Skip Beat campaign is successful, I’ll have a war chest that I can use toward licensing new titles. And, I’ll have more credibility when I approach rightsholders.
- Let’s talk about Pied Piper’s first license announcement, Skip Beat. You’re making a lot of shojo fans in North America very happy by releasing it to home video for the first time ever. Is there anything in particular that made this series such an attractive title for your first license?
After I had the realization that I wanted to turn crowdfunding into a sustainable business, the first challenge was to get new titles. In an ideal world, Directions (producer of Time of EVE) or dir. Yoshiura would have the perfect crowdfunding project in the pipeline. But no, that would be too easy!
How to identify and evaluate unlicensed titles? I’d been having conversations with Time of EVE backers and talked with several of them about my predicament. Five of them joined me as Project Curators to scout out new titles, and so they sent me a stream of ideas. My next step was to contact the rightsholders. I got many, many rejections, which gave me the chance to refine my pitch. So I was in a much better position when I met with TV Tokyo. I saw “Skip Beat!” in their catalog, and my jaw dropped.
To be honest, it wasn’t my ideal title simply because 25 episodes increases the costs on all fronts – licensing, dub, authoring, and manufacturing. It is a huge risk. I was looking for a smaller-scale title. But, Kyoko is all about guts. I love the title, and decided to go for it.
The TV Tokyo licensing team was open to letting me use crowdfunding, and I am profoundly grateful that the production committee allowed me to license the title.
I’d like to also give more background into my decision making process for the “Skip Beat!” license. Sorry, this is going to be long…
Once I’ve decided that a title has potential for crowdfunding, the next step is to make an educated guess of the minimum support I can expect from the core fan base. I try to be as empirical as possible. In the case of Time of EVE, I knew 350 or so overseas fans had purchased Direction’s Blu-ray release of the ONA version at $55, so I felt like it was reasonable to expect that at least 300 fans outside of Japan would join an international crowdfunding campaign. So I didn’t want the goal to be much higher than $16,000. Then, I got vendor quotes for the bare minimum release with a tiny production run, and managed to whittle the budget down to $18,000. So that’s how I set the initial goal (which was met within the first 24 hours of the campaign!).
For “Skip Beat!,” I looked at viewer ratings on MyAnimeList, ANN and Crunchyroll, and compared those with the other crowdfunded projects to date. I felt like I could count on 3,000 fans in North America to join the campaign at an average of $70 per pledge (the Time of EVE average was $79) for a total of $210,000. I refuse to set the initial goal above this amount, as I feel that would be unfair to fans and to the title. So, before I licensed the title, I had to ask myself: Can I deliver a quality release with English dub within that budget?
The rational answer is, absolutely not. The dub itself could easily exceed that sum. So, I was stumped. Fate stepped in, however, and one of Pied PIper’s Project Curators introduced me to Mela Lee, an incredibly talented voiceover actress with producerial smarts and the crazy heart of a die-hard fan. She proposed that we could deliver a quality dub within the $210,000 total budget, and then set stretch goals to scale up the dub with backer support. She brought onboard a truly amazing production team with Cristina Vee, Jason Charles Miller and Alexander Burke. It still feels like a miracle to have their talent on board this passion project, and I’m constantly having to pinch myself!
With their participation, I had the confidence to go ahead with the licensing agreement. So, you can think of the five of us as the first group of backers to the project. We are bonded by our love of “Skip Beat!,” and I hope that comes through in the campaign.
- Is there anything in particular you’re looking for in potential future anime licenses?
It boils down to two factors. First, I am looking for unlicensed titles that have a special quality that inspires passion from fans. Each case is different. I ask myself how I feel about the title, consult with the Project Curators who are helping me, read reviews and look at metrics like MyAnimeList. Second, the rightsholder needs to be open to crowdfunding. They need to be willing to let me open up the localization process to backers.
That being said, I absolutely think my business model is going to evolve. Three years ago, even a year ago, I would never have imagined myself taking “Skip Beat!” to fans through crowdfunding. I will continue to experiment with new ideas as I go along. It goes without saying that some of these won’t work out. It is terrifying, and exhilarating!
- Are there any plans to hit any conventions in the United States this year in order to better introduce yourself to fans?
I would love that opportunity!
- If there were one thing that you wanted our readers to know about you, one single thing that stands out about all others, what would it be?
What an amazing and difficult question! This isn’t unique to me, at all, but I’ll write it anyway. I’d like readers to know that I am continually inspired by anime, and I feel like it is such a privilege to be part of this industry.
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good morning cute and sort of mysterious lady. ALL THE QUESTIONS PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
Good afternoon enthused and sort of mysterious new friend! Here all the questions. 
1. Do youbite or lick ice cream? Neither. I use a spoon because ice cream is so damn messy. 
2. What ishome to you? Wherever my record player is. 
3. What wasthe last lie you told? That I definitely had a great time at someone’s birthday party. 
4. Doeseveryone deserve the truth? In the end, yes. 
5. What isthe creepiest toy ever made? Kewpie dolls. 
6. Describea moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation.  Encouraged an officer to let me stay late and help with a holdover shift, even though explorers are supposed to get dumped off after twelve hours. 
7. List twothings that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn’t mix them up.) Opening the door to the backlot outbuilding garage and unlocking the Bearcat G3; Running an ID card over tac two on a felony stop with multiple subjects. 
8. When wasthe last time you worked really hard to achieve something? Getting to the place where I could graduate a semester early. 
9. How manyall nighters have you pulled? I’ve seen my share of Graves. 
10. Ifhumans didn’t evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happinessinstead?  Probably through other verbal indications and physical expressions. 
11. How manyromantic “things” or “flings” have you had? Enough to know what I’m not looking for.
12. What isyour paradise? unlimited access to media - e.g. music, movies, tv, books, etc. and a comfy place to listen/watch/read
13. What isyour favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) Fancy restaurants or reruns of television shows.
14. How manyhearts do you think you have broken? Probably quite a few. At least four in the past two years. 
15. What isthe most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you?  That they can handle multiple things at once. It says that I am a multitasker.
16. Why dopeople care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? Because sometimes it’s nice to escape to a world where the only real problems are botched nose jobs and whether or not someone should have worn something. I care in that I’ve got my favorite celeb crushes (Hi, Alexander Skarsgard!)
17. What isthe most annoying thing someone can do to you? Act like they know what they’re doing when they obviously don’t. Also act like I can’t do something because I’m a girl. 
18. Do youoverexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? not really. I tend to encounter so much weirdness that I don’t have to. Pros: I’m a good story teller. Cons: people sometimes think I am exaggerating. 
19. Have youplayed any instruments before? Which instruments? I can play three elvis songs on the piano.
20. Do youlike taking selfies? Why or why not? Yup! Because I’m self centered as hell. 
21. List 3things you like about yourself? 1. Great hair; 2. Smart; 3. Loud.
22. What isthe best advice someone has ever given you? “If the worst thing that happens today is that you mess up on the radio, it’s been a good day.”
23. Do youhave what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? Yeah not  a big fan of small children. 
24. How doyou cheer yourself up after a bad day? Television. 
25. When wasthe last time you felt awkward? Truly awkward? I somehow ended up sitting in on a male officers yearly physical exam results last year, because no one thought to leave the female explorer in the waiting room or make her wait in the hall. Homeboy was in prime health though.  
26. Are youintroverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? definitely an extrovert.
27. Whatconstitutes a good friend? Being invested, but not clingy.
28. Wouldyou rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? Depends. I have a super ultra best friend, but I also will talk to anything that moves, so I generally need to be around people.
29. In aregular day, what do you not want to hear? “How will the detectives/officers/males in general be able to get any work done with you looking so cute?” 
30. What isyour dream job? FBI SWAT Medic or Television critic
31. Is itbetter to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? The former.
32. What isa truth about yourself that others find hard to believe? I graduated high school at sixteen and I’ll have my bachelor’s at twenty.
33. Whathave you always wondered about the other gender? Does the penis bounce around when you run/go up stairs/move in general like breasts do? 
34. Whichfantasy world would you like to visit the most? Does Bludhaven count? Because I’m totally down to be a cop with Dick Grayson. 
35. Describethe worst friend you have ever befriended. I tend to inadvertently pick up cling-ons, so I spend a lot of time trying to look like I really have to be somewhere on campus whenever I see someone who thinks we’re besties. 
36. Imaginethat you have switched bodies with someone you don’t know. You can’t switchback. What do you do? Are you sure I can’t switch back? Because I think I might be hunting down shadowman and making him change me back. 
37. If youfound the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? Is keep it for my own personal gain an option? Can I develop it into a serum of sorts to deal with life-threatening illnesses and injuries?
38. What isthe most important, applicable class you have ever taken? Statistics in high school and First Responder. I am so good at calling 911. 
39. Name thelast book you read. One Bullet Away by Nathaniel Fick. 
40. Imaginethat you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? Ha! Jokes on you I’m already an ice queen with no feelings!
41. When wasthe last time you made the first move? Last spring, on the hot Marine in my advanced nonfiction class. Got his number and everything. 
42. What isyour opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? I like Deee-Lite, does that count? 
43. What wasthe last movie you watched? Blue Ridge Fall. Chris Isaak is great. 
44. Do youlike and appreciate your life? I do.
45. Do youlike and appreciate yourself? I do. 
46. When wasthe last time you cried? ???? Good question. 
47. What areyou scared of? Not a huge fan of fire.
48. What isthe most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? same story as last time. 
49. What aresome of your hobbies? I knit! I’m working on a shawl right now.
50. What isa superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make? Confusing the boxes on J4 (paperwork) because I’m not paying attention. 
51. Are youa good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a badfriend? I think I’m a good friend. I’m pretty loyal once I think you’ve earned it. 
52. Do youhonestly learn from your mistakes? Yes. At least I try. 
53. Whathave you learned the hard way? The running boards/ any protruding edge on SWAT trucks are not fun to collide with. 
54. What isthe most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? A Happy outlook.
55. Whichmedium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing,etc.) I write, and I like to sing in my car, and I knit. 
56. Are youa creative or a logical thinker? I’m logically creative.
57. What isthe smartest thing you have ever done? Bought a unique antenna ball. I always know which white four door sedan is mine. 
58. What isyour ideal meal? Sushi. or any meal shared with people who make me laugh.
59. What isthe worst thing someone could do on a date? Say “I hate cops” and/or hold me vaguely hostage for ten hours. 
60. Do youlike animals? Which kind is your favorite? Can I say Porgs? Does that count? I also like doggos.
61. If youcould turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? Riding your bike on the sidewalks around campus.
62. Do youhave any guilty pleasures? Bad television. 
63. What isthe best thing that the internet has ever created? Dog videos. And the ability to look things up in seconds. 
64. Do youlike playing video games? Which video games? Uhhhh I still play the nintendo ds lego games. I like the batman one. 
65. What isyour opinion on beauty in today’s society? It’s so unique! Like there are so many ways to be beautiful even on just a superficial level. 
66. Are youa morning person? When do you usually wake up? Yes! I try to be up and moving by 8am. 
67. Do youhave a favorite Disney movie? Character? either Sleeping Beauty or The Princess and the Frog. I love love love Judy Hopps from Zootopia and I’m quite partial to Prince Phillip. 
68. Wouldyou rather live in the city or in the countryside? 110% City Girl.
69. Wouldyou rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? Ocean.
70. What arethe best things about winter? Sweaters and cocoa and fluffy things. 
71. Whatscares you most about the future? That I don’t know who will be there with me. 
72. Whatmakes you feel old? Being around fourteen-year-old explorers. 
73. How manyhours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? five? more if I have a lot of homework?
74. What aresome of your New Year’s resolutions? I don’t resolutions so much as goals. I’ve met most of them.
75. What isyour life story in 6 words? Why is this happening to me?
76. Describeyourself in one word. Loud
77. What badhabits do you do? Obsessive gum chewer.
78. Whatgenre of music do you listen to? A wide range of stuff. I’m really into Opera and Choral right now, but I’ve also listened to “Southern Nights” and “American Girl” on repeat today. 
79. Mostprominent childhood memory? Sunday Dinners with my family.
80. Imagineif you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If youdon’t, how would this change your life? I wouldn’t be the oldest, which means I couldn’t pull the oldest child card. 
81. Spiritanimal? Grizzly Bear
82. Do youbelieve in horoscopes? Sometimes. 
83. What isthe worst advice you’ve ever been given? any variation on “let things come to you”
84. List the3 most important people in your life right now. Sister, Mom, BFFL.
85. Favoritememory of your family. The last time my uncle came and visited.
86. What doyou look for in a relationship? Being treated with respect. Also a uniform (especially a USMC one) doesn’t hurt, but it’s not a deal breaker. 
87. Do youhave a role model? Why or why not? Yeah! But it’s more like I like the way people act or do things and I adopt those traits and things. 
88. What isyour opinion on social media? A good way to fuel the mild narcissism I try to keep quiet. Also good for amateur detective work. 
89. Are youa pessimist or an optimist? Aggressively optimistic.  
90. Listsome things that you think are overpriced? FEMALE TACTICAL ANYTHING.
91. What isyour worst memory or creepiest experience? Sixteenth Birthday.
92. Whatsuperpower would ruin the world? Invisibility. 
93. What issomething you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? Go to college in my hometown. 
94. Whatlessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? You can be both a princess and a total badass (Star Wars); It doesn’t matter where you came from, you can be a hero/achieve your dreams/make things better (Pretty much all of the Disney movies). Ohana isn’t necessarily the people you’re related to (Lilo and Stitch). 
95. If youcould travel anywhere, where would you go? Right now? Disneyland Paris.
96. How doyou approach people? Confidently. 
97. What isyour opinion on first impressions? Usually pretty accurate, barring some wild exigent circumstances. 
98. What aresome things you did as a child that you no longer do? Wear frosted lip gloss. 
99. Whatlanguages can you speak? English, Spanish, Regional Law Enforcement, and I’ve got a basic understanding of Old English.
100. What doyou think society will be like in 30 years? Better. 
101. What doyou do on your lazy days? Watch TV. 
102. Whatended your last relationship? A move to Colorado. 
103.Favorite food? Sushi. and Pizza.
104. What isthe most terrifying dream you’ve ever had? I dreamed I was living on a house boat and I was pregnant. I woke up terrified and thinking ‘How am I going to be a cop if I’m pregnant?!’
105. Whenwas the last time you got seriously angry? Anytime my co-lieutenant does anything. 
106. Whatwas the last friendship you broke? I’m not really sure. I try not to burn bridges. 
107. Do youhave any pet peeves? Wrinkled clothes and mismatched socks. 
108. Who wasthe last person you gave a hug to? My sister? 
109. Whenwas the last time you got seriously stressed? Trying to finish a profile for my nonfiction class last month.
110. Whatpart of your personality do you want to change? I can be a little cold. 
111. Who isthe most positively influential person in your life right now? One of the detectives I work with.
112. What isyour biggest motivation? Fear of failure.
113. Whatdid you want to be when you were little? A Triple Threat.
114. Whatare some things that you are good at? Knitting, being the cutest explorer, making breakfast foods, basic makeup. 
115. What isone thing you want to be good at? winged eyeliner. 
116. Whatdistracts you the most, especially when you’re trying to work? My sister. In the best way, though, She’s always sending me silly memes or dog pics. 
117. Howimportant is privacy to you? Really important. 
118. If youcould create one social norm, what would it be? Disney music being acceptable on the radio. 
119. What’sthe craziest lie you’ve ever told? I once convinced a boy scout troop that I was British. 
120. Whatstory do you like to tell about yourself at parties? I like telling the story about the time a guy shoved meth up his butt in the back of the squad car I was riding in on a ride along. It’s a crowd pleaser for sure. 
121. What isthe lamest thing that you have seen someone do? Tell a class that he enjoyed going to the gym as his icebreaker fun fact. 
122. What isthe stupidest thing you’ve done to impress someone? Gave him a bunch of Junior Officer stickers. (it worked, though)
123. What isyour morning routine? Tumble out of bed, stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition. 
124. What’sthe last thing you did that is worth remembering? I bought some professional clothes beyond just a white button up and black pencil skirt. 
125. Ifkarma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? I think it would help.
126. What isyour opinion on playing “hard to get?” You should probably just be straight with people.
127. Whatare the pros and cons of straightforward? Pros: no bullshit! Cons: People think you are “scary” or “brash.”
128. What doyou consider “leading” someone on? Lying about your intentions.
129. Are youthe friendzoner or the friendzoned? I’ve been both. 
130. What doyou admire most about your friends? They are so kind. 
131. What doyou admire most about your family? We are a resourceful and resilient bunch.
132. What isyour opinion on “going with the flow?” Something I have to work on.
133. Do youenjoy talking or listening? Both.
134. When isit time to end a friendship? When it’s unhealthy for either party. 
135. What isthe worst excuse you’ve ever come up with? “My mom won’t let me give my phone number out” I was fifteen.
136. If GPAdidn’t matter, what courses would you have taken? More science and physics classes. And theatre. And art. And writing classes. 
137. Whatare your favorite baby names? my current favorite baby is named Finley…
138. Whenwas the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? I talked with a detective about some of my ambitions.
139. Whatinstantly ruins a conversation? Felony Tones (ha) and ignorance. 
140. Biggestturn ons and turn on offs. On - Nice smiles; Off - “You’re too pretty to be a cop”
141. Biggestdisappointment - Not making Captain. 
142. Do youhave any self-restraint? Yes, unless it is with puppies and then no. 
143. Whendid you last do something outside of your comfort zone? I did something with the permission of one advisor and his supervisor that was in direct opposition to what my main advisor wanted. It worked out in my favor though. 
144. Prizedpossession(s)? Four gold medals from competing in SkillsUSA in high school, some photo boxes, my record collection, my playing card collection. 
145. What isyour opinion on second chances? Okay when they are truly deserved.
146. Text orcall? Text. Or call. Whatever. I’ll likely ignore you either way.
147. What doyou like about the 21st century? I am not socially obligated to wear a skirt if I don’t want to. 
148. Whatadvice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? It’s okay to change your mind. Do what’s going to make you happy. Kiss that boy. 
149. Howorganized are you? Pretty organized, when I have time to sit and organize. 
150.Favorite mode of transportation. Bearcat G3. 
 Thanks for being nosy!
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biofunmy · 5 years
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Polyamory Works for Them – The New York Times
The Look
Having multiple partners can mean more pleasure, but it’s not always easy.
Photographs by Yael Malka
Text by Alice Hines
Produced by Eve Lyons
Through a half-century of sexual upheaval, monogamy has been a curious stalwart.
The tradition of having a single sexual partner is among the only sexual practices liberals and conservatives rarely disagree about. Its blandness belies mysterious origins: Scientists have yet to conclude why prairie voles, much less people, prefer to bond in long-term pairs.
Yet in certain concrete burrows, monogamy’s inverse is on the rise. Jade Marks, a 26-year-old artist and herbalist in the Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn, recalled a recent post by a friend on Instagram: “Are there any other queers out there who are monogamous?”
That feeling may have something to do with the immediate environment. Most weekends in New York, a smattering of events cater to the non-monogamous. There are lecture series, workshops and discussion groups. There are cocktail hours and meet-and-greets. And there are, of course, parties.
On a recent Saturday night in Crown Heights, an angelic gatekeeper in a pastel harness did her best to assure a reporter that she wouldn’t be a total buzz kill at a private party of 200 mostly straight, mostly non-monogamous New Yorkers. “Just watching is O.K.!” she said outside the site, a loft lit like an infrared sauna. “Have a good time! Stay hydrated! And always ask for consent!”
Inside were some of the happiest-looking sober adults ever seen after 2 a.m. “It’s like ‘Eyes Wide Shut’ meets a Gaspar Noé film,” said a Scandinavian digital artist and recent Brooklyn transplant. He and his girlfriend were attending for the first time; they had read about the party, called NSFW, on the internet.
NSFW caters to the 25-to-35 age bracket, has an all-black dress code and is made up of 60 percent women, according to its founder, Daniel Saynt. Its application for membership requires a social media profile link (“It’s very curated,” Mr. Saynt said) and responses to open-ended and check-box questions (“ultimate fantasy” is a short answer; optional boxes to check include “hedonist,” “daddy” and “label-less”). That may sound like the precursor to a job interview, but the point is to ensure that the needs of attendees are met. Wouldn’t it be nice if other clubs worked that way?
“I don’t think that polyamory is somehow more evolved than monogamy,” said Zhana Vrangalova, a sex researcher who will teach an online course for couples and individuals seeking to open their relationships this fall. “But it should be an option. People should have more options.”
That was a maxim for the two dozen non-monogamous people interviewed for this article. The subjects, who represent a range of ethnicities, sexual orientations, gender identities and professions, agreed on this: For them, more partners means more exploration and more pleasure.
Consensual or ethical non-monogamy is an umbrella term that encompasses various relationship models, including polyamory, open relationships, sexual encounters with more than two people and swinging. Polyamorists are interested in exploring long-term relationships with multiple people. Swingers tend to be older couples opening their marriages recreationally.
According to a 2014 Chapman University survey, 5 percent of American relationships identify themselves as non-monogamous. In a more recent survey of single adults in the United States, in 2017, one-fifth of respondents said they would try some form of non-monogamy at some point in their lifetime.
In major cities, there are plenty of ways for non-monogamous and polycurious people to meet, among them apps, dinners, friends, blind dates and parties. In New York, organized sex parties include Chemistry, which requires a Q. and A. application and photo, but doesn’t screen for a particular look; NYC Inferno, a gay play party that mostly attracts cisgender men but is open to queer, trans and nonbinary people (Playhouse, a spinoff event, revolves around trans guys); Skirt Club, a members-only club for bisexual women; and Wonderland, which welcomes everyone as long as they bring a buddy who will vouch for them, and are committed to fantastical dress codes (“Ancients vs. Aliens,” “Dungeons and Drag Queens”).
Now a cottage industry of coaches and educators has cropped up to help polyamorous partners strive for compersion, the happy-for-you alternative to jealousy. Effy Blue, a relationship coach in Brooklyn, works with all of the following: triads, or three people in a committed relationship together; individuals seeking to transparently date multiple lovers simultaneously; partners who each have intimate friends, all of whom are close; and clients cultivating long-term relationships with someone who already has a primary partner.
“There is no single model that suits everyone,” Ms. Blue said. She also wrote a book on play-party etiquette. “Consent is the cornerstone of any well-produced, healthy and fun sex party,” she said. “This makes it safer and more fun than an average nightclub on any given day.”
Ella Quinlan, a 27-year-old event planner, said she knows hundreds of peers on the East and West Coasts practicing their own flavors of non-monogamy. In her own relationship with Lawrence Blume, a 55-year-old tech investor, Ms. Quinlan’s goal is to enhance what is conventionally beloved about monogamy, she said.
“We want to show people that it’s actually possible to be in a long-term, healthy, satisfying, deeply rooted and connected emotional relationship with somebody — and do this,” Mr. Blume said.
It’s not always easy. “There’s a lot of talking, and it takes a lot of work,” said Jade Marks. When Jade began exploring non-monogamy with Tourmaline, Jade’s primary partner, the pair quickly realized they had different expectations: Jade wanted casual encounters, while Tourmaline preferred sustained relationships with multiple people.
It took a lengthy negotiating period. Boundaries helped: Jade and Tourmaline established safe sex guidelines, and a rule of not bringing any partners to the apartment they share, though Jade said they have “a clause” for unexpected encounters.
Some emotions come with the territory. “A lot of us grew up with few of examples of what supportive queer, trans or non-monogamous relationships look like,” Tourmaline said. Among the couple’s queer and trans peers, non-monogamy can sometimes seem compulsory. “It’s O.K. to feel jealous,” Jade said. “It’s O.K. for this to be hard.”
Karen Ambert, 35, met Kenneth Play, a 38-year-old sex educator, three years ago on an art bus that was touring their neighborhood of Bushwick. Two years later, Mr. Play introduced Ms. Ambert, an emergency-room physician, to the man who became her second boyfriend, Geronimo Frias, the co-owner of a parkour gym.
It’s not technically a triad, but a V, as the relationship configuration is known in the poly community. Mr. Play and Mr. Frias don’t date each other, but they do date other people. (Mr. Play employs an assistant, in part to help book his rotating cast.)
Polyamorous for most of her adult life, Ms. Ambert hid it from her colleagues in medical school and residency. “I was always worrying about the next step. How will this impact my education and career?” she said. But recently she has grown more comfortable in her professional standing, and felt ready to come out about her love life too.
Mr. Frias was sitting on a couch at the home of Mr. Play with Ms. Ambert wedged in the middle, basking in the gaze of four adoring eyes.
Sexual repression is at the root of the wider public stigma about non-monogamy, said Narjesi Tragic, an environmental science student in Queens.
But that’s rapidly changing along with “tolerance of different kinds of lifestyles, traditions, religions,” said Orion Starbreeze, Narjesi’s metamour (both date Tiana North, a professional dominatrix and dog trainer, but not each other).
“We’re returning to that nomadic sharing of partners and resources,” Ms. North said. “There’s ride shares, there’s house shares, bike shares — we’re in a sharing generation now.”
Which, for some, is easier to intellectualize than practice. “The biggest obstacle to free love is the emotion we call jealousy,” the sex educators Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton write in the 1997 edition of their book “The Ethical Slut,” which introduced many Americans to the concept of non-monogamy.
One morning, I Skyped with Na’Im Najieb, a 33-year-old author, and Tyomi Morgan, 31, who is a sexuality coach. The two of them have been in an open marriage for a year and a half, and they recommend the use of mindfulness techniques to overcome jealousy.
“Is this really my partner separating from me?” Ms. Morgan said she asks herself when feelings of insecurity arise. “Or am I struggling my own abandonment issues, and needing to clearly express to Na’Im what affirmation I need to receive?”
Instead of jealousy, Ms. Morgan said she tries to think about gratitude and send messages like, “I was thinking about how much I appreciate you,” rather than, “Where are you?” and “Who are you with?”
Ms. Ambert, Mr. Play and Mr. Frias are all members of Hacienda, an intentional sex-positive community in Bushwick. (Mr. Play is a founder .)
Hacienda Villa, one of four locations, is an unassuming brick rowhouse across from an auto-body shop. Below the open concept kitchen-living room where 14 roommates have house meetings about chores, is a basement where events like Learn to Love Oral Sex: Tips from a Real Sex Worker (open to the public) and Second-Base Brunch (members only) are held.
“There’s a lot of sex problems in the world, like harassment,” Mr. Play said of the community’s mission. “We’re trying to engineer a way to coexist and celebrate sex without harming each other.”
He, Ms. Ambert, and Mr. Frias were currently in the process of contemplating a practice new to many of their open-minded friends and acquaintances: raising children.
“We’re in an extremely happy situation, and yet with a future that’s uncertain,” said Mr. Frias, 41, who is discussing starting a family with Ms. Ambert. “Being married and having kids in a V, I don’t know anyone else personally who’s done it.”
The idea was spurred during a conversation between Mr. Play and Ms. Ambert. It started much like any couple’s might, with Ms. Ambert saying she wanted children sooner rather than later, and Mr. Play hesitating.
Then Mr. Frias was in the picture. Like Ms. Ambert, he, too, wants children.
It was precisely her quality of “accepting people exactly as they are,” without trying to curtail their individual desires, that makes talk of such a long-term commitment possible, he said. “I’m not trying to change anything about her, and she’s not trying to change anything about me,” he added.
And those are just the emotional perks, said Mr. Play, who is coming around to the idea of helping raise children who aren’t his own. “Three incomes. Three parents. No one feels like they’re drowning in responsibility,” he said. “And the kid, surrounded by more loving adults.”
“I think this is really beneficial — a good life hack.”
Yael Malka is a photographer and artist raised in the Bronx and now based in Brooklyn. Alice Hines is a writer in New York City.
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