#someone pls join me in crying and overthinking lyrics

[notebooks-and-tea]

Parse and Evermore: A Ted Talk

Finally posting this incomplete draft in honour of Red (TV) Release Day pls enjoy my rambling :)) [100% currently spending my Law and Econ lecture typing up a Red version of this post because I have no self control]

It’s that time of 2020 when Taylor Swift drops another album (because why not?) and I decide to overanalyse it in an effort to make myself even sadder. 

You maybe have seen my previous post of parts of Folklore that gave me KP feels. If you haven’t and you feel like joining me in feeling sad, you can find that here: Parse and Folklore: A Ted Talk.

I may have written that post and then disappeared from Tumblr but I’m back with more potential sadness based entirely on projections and headcanons yay. 

Evermore definitely doesn’t scream Parse as much as Folklore did but that’s definitely not gonna stop me and at some point I really wanna go back and do this with her previous albums. But for now, I’m listening to Evermore on repeat and these are some immediate thoughts mostly based on individual lyrics rather than the themes or stories of the songs overall. So gather round kiddos and join me in having emotions about fictional characters!

1) Happiness - literally just Kent coming to terms with him being allowed to be happy after everything that happened with Jack? The slow progression from thinking that Jack was the reason he was happy and realising that it wasn’t a great time for them but that doesn’t mean there wasn’t any happiness then either. I actually don’t have that many coherent thoughts just... Kent Parson x Happiness okay. My problematic fave deserves it and I’ll forever be annoyed with how canon went because that was not that satisfying soz.

Lyrics (damn there are so many): 

There'll be happiness after you But there was happiness because of you Both of these things can be true //  There’ll be happiness after me But there was happiness because of me Both of these things, I believe

Beyond the terror in the nightfall Haunted by the look in my eyes That would've loved you for a lifetime <-- Don’t try to tell me Kent wasn’t actually in love with Jack or at the very least convinced he was and was willing to stay with him no matter what, even though they’d go to separate teams Tell me, when did your winning smile Begin to look like a smirk? When did all our lessons start to look like weapons Pointed at my deepest hurt? <-- Where did it go wrong and when did all their wholesome teen moments of friendship turn to the anger and spite we end up seeing when Kent turns up at Samwell :( How did it turn to what happens whenever the Falconers play the Aces :( 

I hope she'll be your beautiful fool Who takes my spot next to you No, I didn't mean that Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury You haven't met the new me yet <-- Fully just Kent being angry at Jack for how things went wrong, he got cut out from his life and then he goes to visit him at Samwell and sees Bitty who low(high)key looks like a mini-him, but he’s learning and growing and one day he’ll be able to move past it and find his own happiness I can't make it go away by making you a villain I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven And I pulled your body into mine Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties No one teaches you what to do When a good man hurts you And you know you hurt him, too <-- Neither of them are the villains in the story, not really. They were just kids and things went wrong and they both got hurt for it but Kent got cut off from his support mechanisms and thrust into the NHL as a kid and no one ever taught him how to deal with the fallout of what happened between them 

2) Closure - (we’re ignoring that ‘canon’ interaction between Bitty and Kent for this one because I hate it lol) Ahh don’t think about the the possibility of the actual anger/spite Kent could feel about the situation and everything that happened with Jack. He just got cut out of his life after the overdose, left to deal with the aftermath of watching his boyfriend/best friend nearly die and sent off to a foreign city as basically still a kid and to Jack it apparently didn’t mean as much as it did to Kent. And Kent keeps turning up in Jack’s new life trying to make things go back to normal but Jack just wants to push the past away and move on and have his new life in Samwell and beyond. So I totally hear this and think of Kent feeling so angry about Jack’s false niceties and attempts at ‘closure’ that Kent really doesn’t want. Bonus points if you consider the possibility that Jack never actually spoke with Kent post-rehab and all Kent got is a letter/messaged probably passed on by Bob & Alicia.

Lyrics that stand out to my angsty heart:

It's been a long time And seeing the shape of your name Still spells out pain It wasn't right The way it all went down --> Kent definitely doesn’t get over what happens quickly, probably has a lot of trauma associated with Jack. Eventually he realises that he’s not the one at fault for what happened (maybe in some ways but he was just a kid in a secret relationship doing a stressful sport in a homophobic environment), Jack cutting him out may have been good for Jack’s mental health but it was still unfair on Kent in many ways Yes, I got your letter Yes, I'm doing better It cut deep to know ya Right to the bone Yes, I got your letter Yes, I'm doing better I know that it's over I don't need your "closure" Your "closure" <-- Kent is doing better at this point but there is clearly still trauma there, also you can think about when Kent visits Jack at Samwell and he pushes him away trying to tell Kent that they’re over and it won’t be the same as it was before because that sure hurt me to think about as Taylor sings ‘closure’ :( Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled I'm fine with my spite And my tears And my beers and my candles I can feel you smoothing me over <-- I can definitely see Jack as thinking that Kent need to be handled (’I miss you’ ‘you always say that’), also this is so Kent and unhealthy coping mechanisms and anger at the situation and Jack and wanting to hold on to that anger and spite I know I'm just a Wrinkle in your new life Staying "friends" Would iron it out so nice Guilty, guilty reaching out across the sea That you put between you and me But it's fake And it's oh so unnecessary <-- Would Kent trust Jack if an attempt was made to be friends again? Or would he feel unwanted and like it’s all fake and Jack is just trying to make sure he doesn’t cause problems in his new life? I like angst and making myself hurt so you can guess what I think

3) Coney Island - don’t think about Kent wondering what he did to make Jack overdose and cut him out. Don’t think about Kent questioning if he’s to blame for Jack’s anxiety and if he pushed him over the edge and that’s why he cut him out from his life and why they’re no longer even friends. And definitely don’t think about Kent just being alone in Las Vegas wondering whether Jack will ever forgive him or what he’s supposed to do if he doesn’t even know Jack anymore.  

Lyrics:

If this is the long haul, How'd we get here so soon? Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?

And I'm sitting on a bench in Coney Island wondering where did my baby go? The fast times, the bright lights, the merry go Sorry for not making you my centerfold --> I can totally see Kent thinking that he’s too blame for what happened because he didn’t focus enough on Jack and his problems :( 

The question pounds my head "What's a lifetime of achievement?" If I pushed you to the edge But you were too polite to leave me --> wondering if going first in the draft and being the Ace’s record book is worth it if him going first meant he lost Jack 

Will you forgive my soul When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?

4) Marjorie - okay so I probably have some very odd thoughts about this specific song but bare with me. Obviously the connection isn’t *clear* and it doesn’t follow the direct idea of the song, but if we ignore Marjorie being Taylor Swift’s dead grandmother, this song makes me think of KP in two ways. So fun fun fun double the angst double the fun. Basically just think of this song as everything Kent lost right before the draft. If you don’t think about the death as literal you can totally see this being about how when Jack overdosed and cut Kent out of his life, Kent also lost the support mechanism he might have had from Bob and Alicia. So definitely don’t listen to this one and think about Kent thinking of the little bits of wisdom he got from Jack’s parents before he lost them too. And don’t think about Kent thinking about all of the things he should have asked them about but won’t get the chance to anymore not he’s not friends with Jack...And also don’t think about Kent knowing Jack almost died, and even though he didn’t actually die he still left him (but he’s still there haunting him in his head because traumaaaa :( )

Lyrics:

Never be so kind, you forget to be clever Never be so clever, you forget to be kind // Never be so polite, you forget your power Never wield such power, you forget to be polite 

And if I didn't know better I'd think you were talking to me now If I didn't know better I'd think you were still around  What died didn't stay dead What died didn't stay dead You're alive, you're alive in my head What died didn't stay dead What died didn't stay dead You're alive, so alive I should've asked you questions I should've asked you how to be Asked you to write it down for me Should've kept every grocery store receipt 'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me <-- thinking about all the things he should’ve done and held onto because he lost so much after they fell apart

5) ‘tis the damn season - yikes. So ignoring the context of the actual song and just think about Kent coming to see Jack and thinking about how much he misses him and if only they could just reignite whatever they had for old times’ sake (because of course Kent still has feelings for him). Just that scene of Kent trying to kiss Jack in Samwell, saying he misses him before Jack pushes him away. And then it’s Kent going back to Vegas, which isn’t really home in his mind because in his mind home is still this ideal he has of Jack and him together and playing their best hockey. 

Lyrics:

If I wanted to know Who you were hanging with While I was gone, I would've asked you --> Cue image of Kent insulting Jack’s team because he doesn’t care about Jack’s new life if it doesn’t involve him Just for old times' sake I won't ask you to wait If you don't ask me to stay So I'll go back to LA And the so-called friends who'll write books about me if I ever make it And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I'm faking And the heart I know I'm breaking is my own To leave the warmest bed I've ever known --> Hi. LA=LV. I’m sad now. Messy as the mud on your truck tires Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out We could just ride around And the road not taken looks real good now And it always leads to you and my hometown It always leads to you and my hometown --> PSA Jack = Parse’s hometown at this point in time

6) Ivy - The actual story of this song doesn’t fit in the slightest but damn do some of the lyrics really hurt me and make me think of Parse being sad about Jack. I can’t stop my brain from making these connections so please feel free to join me in my sadness

Lyrics to particularly think about:

And the old widow goes to the stone every day But I don't, I just sit here and wait Grieving for the living --> Jack didn’t die from his overdose but Kent still had to grieve the loss of his friend/boyfriend and probably his whole support mechanism  I'd live and die for moments that we stole On begged and borrowed time --> Why do lyrics about infidelity always end up making me sad about Parse and Jack and their secret relationship in the Q, living on borrowed time knowing that it has an ending and everything will be over as soon as the draft happens?

7) Tolerate it -  hello, for this song I like to cry thinking about Jack telling Bitty that his ‘thing’ with Kent didn’t actually mean anything when Kent 100% thought it meant so much until it apparently didn’t and that’s just it. The song is  Kent loving Jack and Jack just tolerating him and that love instead of celebrating it. :( Perspective is everything so even though Jack might not legitimately feel this way, my headcanon Kent’s feelings are still valid.

Lyrics:

I sit and watch you reading with your head low I wake and watch you breathing with your eyes closed I sit and watch you, I notice everything you do or don't do  If it's all in my head tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it  I take your indiscretions all in good fun --> my mind just goes to Jack being self-destructive because of his anxiety and all the pressure going on in the Q and Kent thinking it’s all just him having fun and blowing off some steam (obvs I know that’s not what indiscretions refers to in the song) While you were out building other worlds, where was I? Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire? I made you my temple, my mural, my sky Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life Drawing hearts in the byline Always taking up too much space or time You assume I'm fine But what would you do if I  Break free and leave us in ruins Took this dagger in me and removed it Gain the weight of you then lose it Believe me, I could do it If it's all in my head tell me now Tell me I've got it wrong somehow I know my love should be celebrated But you tolerate it I sit and watch you ->  -> just this whole goddamn bridge section excuse me how dare Miss Swift do this to me? Yeah so Jack goes and builds a whole new life for himself, turning over a new leaf and getting better which is very good for him but very sad for one Mr Kent Parson who just wants to be in Kent’s life. And ofc Jack assumes that Kent is perfectly fine because he went first in the draft and is playing in the NHL and doing well and living their dream even though that doesn’t mean he’s fine at all...

8) Dorothea - It’s Kent’s POV and Jack = Dorothea except Jack didn’t go and leave town to chase his dreams, he left Kent and their shared dreams to go to Samwell and cut him out of his life. But it’s not too late to join him in the NHL and they can be the dream team again...

Lyrics: 

You got shiny friends since you left town A tiny screen's the only place I see you now And I got nothing but well wishes for ya It's never too late To come back to my side The stars in your eyes Shined brighter in Tupelo And if you're ever tired of being known For who you know You know, you'll always know me -> Kent was the first person to see Jack as Jack and not his father’s son and you can try and pry that headcanon from my cold dead hands 9) Champagne Problems -  not me thinking specifically about this idiom and how Kent would consider his very real mental health issues as just champagne problems and would also probably think the correct way to deal with his issues is to drink them away... But yeah it’s just a lot of Kent thinking he hurt Jack and that he’s the one at fault for what went wrong and just thinking on how one day Jack will find someone new who will help him with all the issues that were caused by Kent being a part of his life (yo me projecting so many angsty headcanons onto KP, this version of Kent really needs a hug)

Lyrics:

You booked the night train for a reason So you could sit there in this hurt Bustling crowds or silent sleepers You're not sure which is worse   Champagne problems Your heart was glass, I dropped it Dom Perignon, you brought it No crowd of friends applauded Your hometown skeptics called it Champagne problems Your Midas touch on the Chevy door November flush and your flannel cure "This dorm was once a madhouse" I made a joke "well, it's made for me" how Evergreen, our group of friends Don't think we'll say that word again And soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls That we once walked through One for the money, two for the show I never was ready, so I watch you go Sometimes you just don't know the answer Till someone's on their knees and asks you "She would've made such a lovely bride What a shame she's fucked in the head", they said But you'll find the real thing instead She'll patch up your tapestry that I shred You won't remember all my Champagne problems

[jaehyunsuh]

hii ! i was wondering if i could get a ship for each unit (i love ur work btw 🥺)

i am an esfp-t (entertainer) and an achiever (sorry i forgot what number it was 😭) on the enneagram test

i am of chinese ethnicity and i have long dark brown hair with blond peekaboo highlights :) my height is 167cm and i weigh 47kg

i have quite a resting bitch face so almost all of my friends and mutuals said they were rlly intimidated by me at first but when i warmed up to them they realised that im the kinda random and spontaneous one in the group (like i kinda do weird things sometimes hehe and im pretty loud at times) also tbh i dont like authority and i dont particularly like to follow rules (im the kid who never listens in class oop)

i have a tiger mother ☹️ shes kinda like one of those rich asian ladies who believe anything they say/believe overrides the beliefs of others and the type that likes to use her children to her benefit (sorry i may sound conceited and ungrateful but my mother is not a really kind person) she puts studies before health and likes to overwork people and i think that growing up in this toxic environment has led me to dislike authority so much and not be willing to go down the career path she has chosen for me (aka medicine)

i think im pretty emotional at times for situations that others might not find worth thinking too much about (basically just a mass overthinker 😔🤚🏻) and this is just a weird fact but i dont think i ever rlly cry when im sad like i cry 99% of the time because im angry or frustrated or indignant about something. maybe sadness was the initial emotion but it always develops into one of the mentioned emotions before the tears come yay

also i LOVE pda and skinship in general :) this might sound weird but hickeys are so cute to me idk why hhhhh and i like to be the small spoon when cuddling ☺️ (yes i like taller guys but the members you decide dont have to be the tallest :))

another thing is that im a dancer ! ive been dancing for 12 years now and i really really love using my body to express myself :) when i was rlly young i started with ballet to get my foundations right and then i progressed to jazz (because ballet was too much effort 🥲) and then later contemporary/lyrical and now i kinda stick to urban/kpop style 👍🏻

also this is irrelevant but yg is having global auditions soon in the city i live in so yeah i rlly hope i have a bit of luck because being able to dance and sing has been my DREAM since i was a kid 🥺

anyways i hope i didnt give toooo much unnecessary info and thank you so much ily 🤍🤍

hey! I wish you all the best, from the bottom of my heart I hope that you really go to the yg audition and you do well💕 good luck! I hope i’m writing this for a future idol, pls don’t forget me when you are famous lol

top 3

haechan

let’s start with the fact that would loooove that you are so spontaneous, I think we all can tell that haechan is a free spirit and that he constantly wants to do stuff, have fun and live life. He would support you in any of the random stuff that you want to do, and he would follow you in any impulsive plan that you have out of nowhere. He would just feel so excited about it and he would be so comfortable too. I think he also doesn’t listen to other easily and always wants to do what he wants, so I think that would make you to understand each other really well. He is a rebel to, he definitely is, so he would be really attracted to that part of you. He would see the whole situation with your family and your career and all of that, he would be super supportive, he would tell you to follow your dreams, do what you love and what you that’s the best for you. I mean it, he would be super intese and he would really want you to do what you really like, he would probably even talk to your mom about it lol. He would just care a lot about your well being. Since you are a dancer and love dancing he would encourage you to join an academy, a company, go to an audition, because he knows it would make you happy. When you cry a lot and start being really emotional he would be there for you, get you back to your senses and let you know that everything is gonna be okay. He loves skinship a lot so he would always be all over you, kissing and hugging you the whole day!!

jeno

I just think Jeno would be such a good boyfriend to anyone and he would know how to adapt to a lot personalities. He is really chill and he likes calm, but someone as spontaneous as you would just make his life more exciting and he would have a lot of fun being around you and trying to take care of you while you are doing random stuff. When you don’t listen to others and just do what you want he would laugh a lot because he loves that you are like that. He loves that you are so determined and that in important situations you go with your decision, he would admire that a lot. When you are being to rebellious he would try his best to make you cool down a little bit and relax, he doesn’t want you to go all crazy lol. He would take care of you a lot, always wanting to know how you are feeling, what you are doing and just everything that has to do with you in general. He would want you to purchase dancing since you really love it a lot, he would have deep conversations about this. He would like to do some dances with you and that would be the coolest thing ever. When you start to be really emotional about something he would worry a lot and he would always be there for you so you have someone to rely on. I feel that he wouldn’t really be into pda but he likes having skinship with you, always hugging you and giving you the softest kisses.

johnny

Johnny is such a fun and cool guy to be around. His personality woud go really good with yours, he likes to have fun so he would always want to spend time with you, so like that we would enjoy all of the random stuff and the random plans that you figure out. He would always make you company, he wants to take care of you and be there for you for anything that you need. I think he really expresses his opinions, but he still considers that you are a little bit more rebellious than him, he would fins it really attractive and bold from you, but he would also tell you when you need to step down a little. He would always want the best for you, so when it comes to you carrer choice he would want you to do what you really like, he would be really worried if you feel upset by doing other thing. Tbh, I also feel like he would try his best to even talk to your mom about it. When you are being emotional he would try to make you laugh and forget a little bit about the situation. He would like to have you wrapped around his arms and kiss forever.