#sometimes it's awful and I'm back in my bed as a teen crying myself to sleep about having no one to talk to

[insomniacmelancholy]

I think about this tweet once a week

[bunnie-online]

just ask. {A.S.}

juuuuust thinking about (modern!)anakin being your boy bsf (and roommate) catching you coming home from a verrrry disappointing dick appointment

part two

warnings: MINORS DNI 18+, suggestive, possibly ooc ani, fem reader

it was 1 am, you fully expected Anakin to be asleep, doing this 'walk of shame' in front of him would be exactly that... shameful. you has just had one of the WORST hookups of your life with some dude you met off tinder a couple of days ago, he was alllll talk. the definition of 'sounds to good to be true'

he didn't know ANYTHING about the female anatomy, like seriously, he basically dry humped you and rolled over. lame.

you unlocked the door of your shared apartment, opening and closing the door as quietly as possible, as not to wake Anakin. to your surprise he came walking into the living room with a mug in his hand. he was in his usual pajamas, blue and black plaid sweatpants and topless. you tried not to stare but your gazes always seem to linger when it comes to Anakin. "Hey! Thought you'd be home tomorrow?" he tilted his head in that adorably innocent way he always does. his mannerisms never matched his face, or body for that matter.

"Ah noo" you chuckle and cast your gaze downward. "Oh? Your date didn't go well?" he asked again this time raising his eyebrows with the word 'date'. he might look and sometimes act innocent but Anakin was far from it, he knew what your intentions were for the night. "Ugh, not at all." you roll your eyes and set your bag down by the door. "This dude was soooo lame." you whine.

"Aw, poor thing" Anakin says in a joking tone. "C'mere, I made some tea" he offers. "Since when do you drink tea?" you laugh "I like to pamper myself from time to time!" he said feigning offense, clasping his hand over his heart in a classically Anakin fashion.

"Tell me what happened." he sits in the bar stool at the kitchen island after handing you a cup of tea. "Ani, I don't know, it's embarrassing." your face turns pink. "Please I know about the thing you did in middle school. I think I can handle this" he laugh at you cringing from that horrid memory from your pre-teen years. "Oh you know you can't bring that up all willy-nilly Anakin!" you swat at him. his beautiful laughter filled the air

"Okay so I was going to hook up with this guy-" you start. "Shocker." Anakin smirks, interrupting you "one, rude. two, shut up. three, anyyywayys, I was going to go hook up with him and it sounded sooo promising because, damn can he talk himself up. He was so good with his words! And we get down to it and dude lasts like, two minuets! Anakin, I wish I was joking.." you bury your head in your hands out of frustration (mostly sexual). "That's the third guy this month! Like can men just be honest if they're mediocre at sex?!"

Anakin chuckles. "Blows my mind that there are guys out there who're putting up false advertisements for dick." you toss your head back and laugh "false advertisements is CRAZY" you laugh harder and Anakin joins you. "Did I lie?!" he jokes again, earning another laugh from you. "You got a point" you agree with him.

"Seriously though, that's a shame. I'd never lie like that." he takes another sip of his tea. Your mind starts swirling with questions. 'what does he mean by that?' 'I wonder what he's like in bed?' 'he has to be huge, right?' "Like honestly that's so fucked up." his voice breaks you out of your thoughts. "This sounds personal for you, what're you doing? Handing out trash dick or what?" you laugh. he chuckles again. "Hah, no. But if I was, I'd at least be honest about it."

your eyes widen but you regain composure quickly. "Oh? And what makes you so confident?" you smirk at him, wanting a rise out of him. "Well, I'm sure some of the girls weren't crying because I was dishing out bad dick." he smirks. "Wow you sure are cocky." you say with fake confidence hoping he wouldn't double down. your hopes were crushed when he stood up. he made his way behind you, placing both of his arms around you, resting his hands on the counter trapping you. he leaned close to your ear. "You know, you don't have to act out for me to prove it to you. You can just ask." his voice completely changed. you have never heard Anakin speak in such a low, sultry tone. you noticeably shivered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i highhhh key wanna finish this tomorrow bc it's midnight and i'm SLEEPY

~bunnie

[oraclemoontarot]

ahh ur cool to chat with.

im sure kpop has set ways but lately im uncertain as to what they are aiming for... loved enhypens recent comeback it was so cool, did u see it yet? but again theyre an other group I can only really like and its so strange to me when theres teens who r obviously much younger than myself overly obsessing and being possesive over the idols bc i had exactly the same stance about western bgs during the 00s. now im kind of just enjoying them for the music and dont feel the need to deeply obsess over every detail but tarot blogs r so fun to ask qs and find out stuff we couldnt find out about one direction etc etc. it honestly seems so long ago the 00s and its weird bc when u find a new group and theyre so young i have to check difference in age gaps nowadays (lowkey wish there wasnt an age concept at all in society bc then it wouldnt matter). but ngl it is so awkward, like even seeing how ppl nowadays still flock to harry styles home town (yes also did that myself). yet kpop in general has so many cool themes and vast difference in terms of performance styles as well.

ik its only awkward if u make it awkward but ppl kinda take obsessing abt idols way too far. yet we have all been thru that phase so i get it but kpop stans seem next level crazy sometimes in a good way sometimes in a bad way, i also dont get how such delusional obsessions can lead to building closer relationship with said idol like u aint just going to make friends if ur crying over them in front of them yaknow? and other stuff like going to their hotels or following them whilst theyre out in their downtime. i dont think theres ever just been a non crazy time for idols at all. i cant imagine what their dorm rooms must be like cause I bet they all been doing other adult / human things lmfao. yet the way their fans overreact to mere dating rumors is ridiculous atp. or say for instance idols future spouses as well is the topic that seem to get ppl most riled up when it comes to thee sorts of readings. lowkey sometimes i ask why do i need to know but i ask anyway bc why the fuck not then i think its childish of me lol

aw tyy so are you!! I haven't watched their mv or listened to their album yet (if it wasn't a single), but I heard parts of it online and it does sound real good, I used to be an engene so maybe it's a sign to listen to this comeback.

no I get you so much here especially. Being a fan(girl) is so so much fun, you get to watch content, listen to music, learn about the members, go to concerts, collect merch, and meet other fans. There's a whole culture and community around it that, when you first get into kpop, it's so exciting. It's unsurprising people would get obsessed at first.

But yeah, I personally get really excited watching their content or over an idol (ahem haechan) when on my own, but whenever I meet them in person it's like all that excitement disappears and I'm like, 'oh, they're just a guy/person...', and it's really chill. I don't at all know how people think following them around, partaking in every single fancall, and getting overly excited and emotional would lead to them getting close with them.

You know, I think this obsessiveness dies down as we mature/get older. It's like we have other things to focus on, we become more grounded with less free time, and distance ourselves a little more.

Please, just imagining they're probably lying in bed scrolling through videos etc. while at home is kinda funny. They likely do what we do anyway as they're people at the end of the day, it kind of makes you see them more... normally?

We're alike haha. Yeah it's fun, especially with ideal type readings etc. but then you take a step back and think, am I doing too much? 😭

[gayoperatorgunclub]

For the ultimate ship meme, Lion and Doc? I'm sorry, I'm LionDoc trash-

it’s all good!! whenever someone sends in an ask, i get an excuse to talk/write about one of my interests! really, it makes me so happy to be able to create content that people hopefully enjoy!! 💝💝💝

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - until the end of time, babey

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - it was love at first sight but then they started talking i do think it was some form of ~interest~ in one another at first sight, but then all that drama and lack of communication happened so they didn’t really allow themselves to even dream about the possibility of a relationship. HOWEVER! once lion joined rainbow and they talked their shit out like people who know how to cope, there was a period of a few months that is now referred to as The Four Months of Pining™, during which glaz did a lot of paintings where the subject (who usually bears an uncanny resemblance to doc or lion) is staring at something (or someone) longingly. he calls it his french period. when they finally get together, a LOT of money changes hands. and goes straight into sledge’s pocket (he was the only one who bet that it would take them this long). diana gets a brand new collar (handmade), bed (handmade), dish (handmade), and many new toys (some handmade, some store-bought. sledge’s craftsmanship can only get him so far) 

How was their first kiss? - you know how the french are supposed to be super suave and confident??? and how gay people are trying their hardest but they’re just Not Good at things????? (i know these are stereotypes but stay with me). well, with their 5/8 french blood (i hc one of doc’s parents is fully algerian while the other is half french, half algerian), and their 4/4 gay blood, they have an 81.25% chance of success in matters of the heart. sadly, that 18.75% chance of failure came into play during this situation. picture it. doc and lion. romantic, home-cooked dinner. le festin is playing in the background. they’re holding hands over the table. suddenly, doc’s cat goes into labour. all hell breaks loose. lion is getting flashbacks to his son’s birth, so now he’s hyperventilating. doc carries him to the couch and turns on the fan so he can cool off and catch his breath, before carefully moving his cat, Rayie (arabic for gorgeous, pronounced rye-ah) to the living room in his handmade Birthing Box, then grabs a pile of blankets and a heat lamp and situates himself on the ground nearby so he can help her if she needs it. once the kittens are born (they’re twins!! Sadiqi is the boy, and Amirti is the girl!!!) doc makes sure they’re nice and warm and that Rayie is recovering, and gives her pets while she cleans her babies. once the happy family is all settled in for the night, doc walks over to the couch and just. lays down on top of lion. once he’s gotten over the adrenaline of the birth, he takes lion’s face in his hands and says “promise me you’ll be more calm if we ever decide to have kids” and gives him a BIG smooch while lion’s just short-circuiting like “does he know i have a son???? did i forget to mention my son?????? also what about these kittens??? are they not sufficiently childish to count as children????? DOES HE WANT KIDS????? does he want to marry me??????? wait why is he getting so clo-”

Wedding:

Who proposed? - lion. it was the day of their two year anniversary (yes i AM saying they got together the august after outbreak don’t @ me) and they were on vacation at doc’s family’s Secret Beach House. they were vibing on the balcony, watching the sunset, when lion suddenly clears his throat. doc turns to look at him and finds his boyfriend down on one knee, looking like he might flee to Bermuda. he’s reaching for something in his pocket. doc starts laughing. lion, completely misunderstanding his reaction, flushes and stammers out an apology. doc sees this, and immediately stops, though he’s still smiling gleefully as he catches lion by the biceps, then reaches into his own pocket and pulls the ring he was going to give olivier. they exchange rings, giggling like little kids, and spend the rest of the night making out on whatever surfaces are available. 

Who is the best man/men? - for lion? montagne. (his son is the ring bearer and doc’s niece is the flower girl). for doc? rook. he’s so happy he gets to participate in his dad’s wedding

Who is the bride’s maid(s)? - for lion: finka. for doc: twitch

Who did the most planning? - both of them!! do you know how hard they worked to ensure the ceremony was valid in the eyes of both of their religions

Who stressed the most? - s e e  a b o v e

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - lion’s parents. they tried to call him during the reception but doc’s grandma grabbed his phone and started cussing them out, talking about dishonor and how they tried to disown him so they’re not his parents anymore, and besides, his new family absolutely adores him, so really, it’s their loss. once she hangs up, she pulls lion into a hug and he calls her his favorite, if only, grand-mère

Sex:

Who is on top? - who’s topping? lion. but sometimes doc gets bitchy so he gets to set the pace if you know what i mean

Who is the one to instigate things? - they are both lowkey horny 24/7 so 👀👀👀

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now (only because they do get to see each other fairly often. if one goes on a long mission without the other, once they get back they will bump it up to a 10 real quick)

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - idk long enough ig. maybe longer if someone feels they’ve been left ~unsatisfied~ they might go a few more rounds ;))

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - ok it depends on what they’re doing but usually it’s one or two each, but on ~special~ occasions it’s either doc getting edged and denied for hours, OR doc getting forced to come over and over again until he’s begging for something, whether it be more or a goddamn break even he isn’t really sure. either way he’s crying and lion is consistently asking if he needs to safeword and otherwise checking in because they may like it rough but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - unless someone’s hormones and organs get fucked, zero

How many children will they adopt? - probably none?? idk they’ve already got lion’s son and they’re both busy enough with work so

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - NEITHER!!!!! DISGUSTANG!!!!!!!!!

Who is the stricter parent? - god i wanna say both. like lion and his attachment to rules??? but doc and his Mom Friend energy????? but ig lion BUT HE’S NOT STRICT TO THE POINT HE’S A BUZZKILL OR ANYTHING HE’S JUST RESPONSIBLE (he will NOT allow his husband and son to go vandalize the property of some islamaphobic brits, as much as he agrees with the sentiment) 

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - doc will only allow vandalism if it’s in the name of righteousness. meaning, he’ll allow their son to spray paint the walls of a goddamn walmart with shit like “eat the rich” and a portrait of robespierre and a guillotine, but it is a HARD NO on defacing places like the library or community center (unless he has a good reason to do so). lion spends his time praying and making sure his son knows which acts of civil disobedience are acceptable and which are distorting their goal 

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - doc. he (privately) dreams of retiring (eventually) and living out his lifelong dreams of being a househusband. so

Who is the more loved parent? - SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE IM GONNA BEAT YOUR ASS. but ig lion??? BUT ONLY BECAUSE THEIR SON HAS KNOWN HIM LONGER. doc is half Dad and half Cool Uncle Who Gives Me Spray Paint And Tells Me To Make Myself Heard (to clarify, i know doc is a pacifist, but im kinda projecting my own sentiment of “we’ve tried to be peaceful but you wouldn’t give us the time of day. now that we’ve “acted out” we’ve gotten your attention, and rest assured, things are going to change.” he won’t hurt anybody, he’s just tired of having to be everyone’s “muslim friend” and educating people on things they could google themselves)

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - it used to be lion out of necessity, but when people started asking about his “wife” he was really torn between telling them that he and his son’s mother separated, but now he has a partner and his son seems very happy about it. when doc finally attends a meeting with lion, people really struggle to hide their shock. a few clunky but well-meaning “we support you”’s and “we’re sorry for everything that’s been going on”’s later, doc has used his charm to make friends with literally everyone. from then on, he is on pta duty on behalf of lion and his ex

Who cried the most at graduation? - lion! his parents purposefully didn’t show at his, so it’s a big deal for him to show his son just how proud he is. doc tears up a little too, but manages to mostly keep it together so he can support lion, who spends most of the day heave-crying about how proud he is into his husband’s shoulder. gustave just pats him on the back and tells him that they’ll run out of donuts if they don’t get to the concession stand soon

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - doc. civil disobedience, baby!! he has never been caught. lion fears the law after his youth, so he tries to avoid any visits to law enforcement. he also can’t stand to see his son behind bars

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - doc. househusband, remember?

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - doc, but only because he can be a bit of a spice supremacist. he has to get his ingredients from these very specific farms and markets or else his great grandmother will begin manifesting in their house to curse them

Who does the grocery shopping? - doc, bc he does NOT trust lion to not just sweep all of the microwave ramen and kraft mac n cheese into the cart then sprint to self-checkout

How often do they bake desserts? - whenever possible. doc and maestro live by the philosophy “don’t do anything halfway” if they’re going to go through the trouble of making a meal, it will have multiple courses. 

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - doc is more of a salad eater but only for ease of consumption with halal laws. he adores filet mignon

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - lion! maestro enlists himself as assistant head chef after walking into the base’s kitchen one day to find lion covered in flour and lying facedown on the floor, crying

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - also lion! though he’s memorized doc’s order at all of their favorite restaurants, so he usually just gets take out and puts on a big show of being a “tired housewife who works in the kitchen all day just for this one meal” and setting up the table so it’s all nice and romantic

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - lion. he tried crème brûlée once. never again 

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - lion. organization is everything to this man. doc helps with laundry and such, but for the most part he leaves organization to lion and his systems (think leslie knope levels of planning and organization)

Who is really against chores? - neither! they both understand that teamwork makes the dream work, baby!!

Who cleans up after the pets? - doc, since lion’s already asked him which color hanger should represent “clothes i can tear off my husband before we fuck” and he needs a Moment

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - neither. they don’t own a broom

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - lion because of the deep-seated catholic urge to appear perfect in front of others, and doc because people will gossip, olivier!

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - lion. he immediately called doc into the room and asked “is this your stash of drug money?” doc, who had been asleep because it was 3 in the morning on a saturday, just stares at him

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - it is so bold to assume they don’t shower together to “cut costs”

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - lion is known in their neighborhood as the man who walks cats. there is a facebook page where people post pictures of him walking his cats. vigil is an admin

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - LITERALLY EVERY HOLIDAY GETS DECORATIONS. lion makes his own for the muslim holidays since there really aren’t many “of good quality” in stores. when they first started dating, doc came home to find his house covered in ramadan decorations, and lion standing precariously on a ladder, trying to string up fairy lights while learning how to pronounce important arabic words. needless to say, doc cries

What are their goals for the relationship? - mutual joy and contentment!!!! 

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - doc. he’s sleepy

Who plays the most pranks? - lion, but they’re stupid ones like replacing certain pictures with danny devito. doc gets back at him by replacing pictures of jesus with ewan mcgregor, and putting yoda into his nativity scene. lion doesn’t notice

[treadmilltreats]

You can change the world with one kind act at a time

There are sometimes when you're really down and in those times it seems like God always places someone in my world that makes me remember why I'm here and what my purposes is.

 Recently while talking to an old friend of mine, he told me of this amazing good deed another friend of ours did. See his brothers died suddenly, back when we were still in our teens. They were my best friends for years and died tragically a year apart from each other. His parents didn't have a lot of money  and couldn't afford headstones on their graves. He told me this friend bought them a headstone, to me that was the most amazing, unselfish gift someone could do for their friends.

We were talking and wondering where he was as we hadn't heard from him in years. My friend wanted to thank him for his kindness, so I decided to look him up on Facebook. Of course there were many people with his same name, this couldn't be that easy right? I decided to write a message to all of them and see if they were the person that we grew up with. 

Weeks went by and I haven't heard anything and so I thought maybe it was a lost cause. When all of a sudden I get a message saying "Hey it's me and I can't believe it's you, here's my number, let's catch up"

Of course I called him right away and it was as if no time had passed, we picked up right where we left off and we started to catch up on each other's lives.

Here's the thing that really made me cry, it was when he told me that I was the 1st person that he met in when he moved to our town. He said that I was so kind to him and right away offered my friendship and that touched him so much that he never forgot that, even in all these 40 something years later.

It made me cry because it showed me that you could do something so small, so insignificant to me because I was just being me and being friendly but that act of kindness touched somebody's life that they remembered that 40 years later. 

You will never know what you can do by just being kind to someone, by just smiling or talking or listening to someone. You don't know how much that could change a person or how deeply that can affect a person's life. I Remember my best friend used to laugh at me all the time and tell me that I was like the ASPCA, that I was always bringing strays and inviting them to sit at our lunch table. I just remember thinking, wow these kids are new here, they have no friends and it must be hard to start over in a new school without your friends. Although I never knew that feeling as I was raised in the same town, I always had that sense of compassion for somebody else. 

I was always able to put myself in someone else's shoes and feel what they might be feeling.

See you never know how you're going to pay it forward to somebody. How your kindness will affect somebody else's life, even the smallest amount of compassion or kindness can go a long way when someone is down or hasn't had that from another person in a long time.

 I remember when I was at my lowest point in my life, my mom had just passed away and it was my first Christmas without her. I was getting divorced but we were still living in the same house and it was hell. That week I had the flu so bad that  I couldn't get out of bed for a whole week. I laid there and no one, not even my children had asked me if I wanted even a glass of water. I remember thinking, I'm so unhappy and I don't wanna be here, I had hit rock bottom so I decided I was going to end it all. I wrote letters to my girls and I got all my mother's old pills together and I was going to do it. When all of a sudden I got a Facebook message and I thought who could be messaging me at 12:30 at night on Christmas Eve?

 It was somebody I hadn't spoken to in 30 years and he just said

 "I was thinking about you and how you were always so kind to me growing up and you were such a good friend and if there's anything you ever need, if you ever need to talk call me day or night,here's my number"

 Now I know this was God's intervention and I picked up the phone and I called this man and he had every right to hang up on me as I was in the ugly cry and sounded like a crazy person but he didn't, he talked me off the ledge and that changed my life.

That night I ended up giving my life to God, as I had had nowhere else to turn. Two days later I found my church and my life has been changed ever since. The part about this story I love the most is a year later I was divorced, I'd had my own apartment, I started my own business and my life had changed dramatically. I was happier then I've been in the last 20 years and I decided on Christmas Eve to write a thank you letter to this kind man that saved my life. I Thank him for his kindness, for remembering my kindness and saving my life. About an hour later I got another Facebook message from a different friend who said he went through this horrible divorce. His wife wouldn't let him see his kids, he lost everything and he was at the lowest point of his life. He decided he was going to take his life that night but after reading my blog it gave him hope that his life could change and he wanted to reach out to thank me for sharing my story.

I was blessed enough to pay it forward to somebody else. You never know what your story will do for somebody else. You never know what your compassion can do for somebody, you never know what your kindness and your kind words can do to someone's day.

You can change someone's life in an instant, just by doing or saying something that small and maybe you may think it's insignificant but to that person, who's holding on by a thread, it can change everything for them.

So today my friends, remember everyday we must realize why we here, what is our purpose and how we can change the world. We sometimes think that we're only one person, so how can we change the world? You can change the world by one kind act at a time.

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

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[babylon-bitch]

Just Friends ~ I'm Late (part 35)

A/N: I’ve been really inactive all week, I’ve been busy writing this and an imagine, it’s currently at 5k+ I’m really liking it so far. I said it’d be out this week but it will probably be out next week, if not the week after. Sorry it’s taken so long :/

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika.

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know.

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

***

I’ve had an awful week, I’ve been sick, but only in the morning then the rest of the day my stomach hurts, I have a headache, I’m always tired, and weirdly, my boobs hurt a lot.

I’ve been really stressed recently too, revising for exams. My driving test has been stressing me out, my driving instructer is a total dick. Very strict and I don’t know how he became a driving instructer because he has some serious road rage problems. I have to stifle a laugh at some of the things he says.

Luke has been really worried about me, saying I should go to the doctor, but even if I was throwing up blood, I’d still not go to the doctors. Luke claims that it should be over, it’s nearly been a week. I don’t know, sometimes it feels as if I’m feeling better then in a couple of hours I feel like shit again.

Rushing out of bed and into the bathroom and vomiting, I lean on the toilet, waiting for more to come. Here it is, I hold my hair back as I vomit my guts out, one again. I think I’m finished, so I brush my teeth to get the taste out of my mouth.

I open the bathroom door and I’m met by the sun blinding me and my mum. “Hello?” I squint.

“How long have you been sick for?” She dives straight in.

“All week.” I answer but it comes out as a question

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She questions.

“Didn’t think it was necessary, I’m 18 I can deal with being ill myself. Now if you excuse me, I’m gonna go back to bed.” I huff.

I’ve been having a lot of mood swings too, maybe I’m gonna have a monster period.

“Why don’t you go to the doctors?” She asks.

“I don’t need to, I’m only sick. Now see you in a bit.” I wave and close my door. I hear her mumble something but choose to ignore it and face plant my bed. I feel so ill, but I can eat fine, even more than I usually eat.

“Luke’s here.” In hear someone shout.

I wait for him to come up and I still have my face against my sheets, struggling to breathe.

“How are you feeling, babygirl?” A familiar voice asks.

I groan in response and I hear him chuckle, I’m not really into talking right now. “I take that as no difference.”

“I’ve already been sick this morning and my mum found out too.” I tell him.

“You mean you didn’t tell her?” He asks.

“No, why would I?” I question.

“Because she’s your mother maybe?”

“Whatever.” I mutter and finally turn around onto my back. “I’ve been ill for a week, when will this stop?”

“When is your period due?” He questions.

“Tomorrow, I think.” I answer and he nods.

I decide to freshen up and get in the shower, changing into some gym shorts the type you wear in volleyball, a very thin graphic tee crop top, with a sports bra underneath.

Work out gear is so comfy.

I brush my hair through and just leave it, not even doing my parting. Putting on a little concealer, mascara and blush so I don’t look so dead.

Walking into my bedroom and look for some trainer socks because my feet are cold.

I’ve got loads of school stuff to do and then Erika and I are meeting up to do some work to our book. Sitting down in my deskchair and starting some chemistry homework.

“I believe you have a guest.” Luke claims.

“Well you were on your phone,” I tell him.

“Shut up.”

“I’ve got a load of homework and revision and shit to do. I’m not gonna be any fun.” I shrug.

“I’ll be on the roof.”

“Do you know how weird that sounds?” I laugh.

Luke kisses my forehead before walking out of my bedroom. I haven’t been able to kiss Luke at all this week, only on the forehead and cheek, and I appreciate that he doesn’t makeout with my cheek.

After an hour and a bit I get board of chemicals so I decide to find Luke, if he’s here still that is.

Taking the easy route that the boy’s don’t know about and go into the loft and then through that window. Closing the loft door behind me and stepping on a box to reache the window, opening that to as far as it goes and closing that behind me.

Walking over to where Luke is and sitting next to him, dangling my feet over the roof. “Where the fuck, did you come from?” He questions after a minute or two of silence.

“I’m magic.” I smirk.

“Magic ways of making me fall in love with you.” He says and I blush and giggle.

“Always so cheesy, Hemmings.” I rest my head on his shoulder.

“You love it.” He laughs as he puts his arm around me.

“What have you been up to whilst I was in my room?” I ask.

“I’ve been writing a song.” He tells me and picks up his acoustic that has a smiley face on it, drawn by me.

“Now, where the fuck did that come from?” I question.

“I went home quickly and then came back.” He explains.

“Oh.”

“I’m stuck with the transition from the chorus and then the next verse, I can’t get it to be smooth.” Luke frustratedly states.

I tell him some chords and his face lights up, he tries it and it sounds great. “How did you know that?” He asks.

“I think you’ve forgotten I’ve been with you when you learnt guitar, you’d always tell me about the stuff you’d learnt.”

“Oh yeah, I did, didn’t I?” He smiles at the memory.

“Yeah, it was quite interesting though.”

“Y-”

“No, I’ve told you this before and I’m going to tell you one more time, I’m not learning to play.” I cut him off.

“You’d be good at it though.” He claims.

Damn right I am.

“Luke.” I warn.

“Just keep it in mind and I’ll be your sexy guitar teacher, that you can sleep with all the time.” Luke smirks.

“I think I’d get Michael to teach me.”

“Uh no, you wouldn’t.”

***

I’m late, like really late.

A week late and I’m rarely late, I thought I was just stressed and all but it’s been 6 days. I’m starting to get nervous because a couple of weeks ago, Luke and I did the deed and didn’t use a condom, I am on birth control but I know for a fact that I’ve forgotten to take it some days.

I haven’t told Luke or anyone yet, I’m scared as fuck. Luke is still 17, he’s not even a legal adult, there’s no way he would stay with me if I had a child. If I am pregnant, I’m probably not gonna keep it.

Now that I think about it, being sick in the mornings, tender breasts, feeling sick a lot, mood swings, but that could also be period symptoms, besides being sick in the morning.

Maybe I should just call Luke and I will take a test, just to be sure. I’ve been crying all morning, it was hard being in school whilst that happened, I skipped geography and went to a secluded part of the school to cry. I was laying in bed at night, starting to panic, because of the possibility that I could be pregnant. Then I thought about it and I’ve been a shaking, worrisome, terrified, over analysing mess.

Picking up my phone and clicking on Luke’s contact, waiting for Luke to pick up. “Hey babe, I’m with the guys ri- NO, MY BALL, you’re hacking.” Luke gets distracted.

“Luke.” I sob.

“Woah, Harp, what’s wrong?” He questions, concern filling his voice.

“Please, c-come over, we n-need to talk.” I stutter.

“Okay, I’ll be there in a minute.” He tells me.

“Don’t hang up, please.” I beg.

“Okay, it’s alright, baby.” He soothes.

“What’s going on?” Someone that sounds like Michael asks.

“I don’t know, Harper seems upset, I don’t know when I’ll be back.” He tells them, whilst I continue to cry into the phone.

“Um, okay, I hope she is alright.”

“Yeah, I’ll be back later, bye.” Luke says to the guys and I here him sigh. “Hey, Harper, it’s alright, calm down, I’ll be there in a matter of seconds.”

I sniffle and wipe my smudged mascara.

Within seconds the door bell goes off and I race down the stairs, swinging the door open and collapsing into Luke, he quickly wraps his arms around me. “What’s up?” He whispers in my ear.

I try to form a sentance but no words come out and I breakdown again. “C'mon.” Luke sighs and picks me up, I wrap my legs around his waist and continue to sob into his shoulder.

Luke sets me down on his lap and he sits on my bed. “Gorgeous, I’d love to help you, but I need to know what’s wrong.” Luke says.

“I’m late.” I wipe away my tears away, trying to compose myself again.

“To what? I’m sure you can get there if you leave.” He chuckles.

“No, Luke, my period is late.” I confess and his eyes widen.

“By how much?” He gulps nervously.

“6 days, but if you t-think about it, I’ve been having morning sickness, all the pregnancy symptoms.”

“But we’ve been safe.” He furrows his eyebrows.

“Remember a couple of weeks ago we didn’t have any protection?” I question.

“But you said that you were on the pill.”

“Yeah, but I forget to take it sometimes.” I sigh.

“Have you told anyone else?” He asks.

“No, I’ve been too nervous.”

“Why don’t we go out and get some tests, then see what happenes.” Luke suggests.

“Okay, let me just freshen up and put on some trousers.”  I mutter and get off his lap, going into the bathroom, putting on some perfume on, brushing my teeth, cleaning up my tears, deciding to go make up free and last but not least, I put on some black leggings.

“Ready?” Luke questions.

I know that inside he is probably panicking as much as I am, but from the outside he looks so calm. I can see right through your smile Hemmings.

“Yeah,” I nod and put on some shoes before walking the door.

“It’s gonna be alright, despite the outcome.” Luke smiles down at me and intwines our fingers.

“Will you stay with me?” I ask the question that has been hovering over me. Luke looks a mixture of being offended and a ‘are you serious’ look.

“Of course, I’d be with you if you were a zombie, I never want to leave you. Plus this possible baby is mine, right?” He panicks a little bit.

“Yes, or course,” and now its my turn to give him a ‘are you serious’ look.

“I had to make sure.” He jokes.

Classic Luke, trying to make me smile whatever the situation.

“If-if you are pregnant, will you keep it?” He asks.

“Do you want me to?” I question.

“It’s your body so it’s totally your choice.” He claims.

“I probably won’t, I’ve got a f-future, I can hardly go to uni if I’ve got a child to look after. I’m not ready, maybe in ten years but definitely not now.”

“When would you want to have a child? Preferably with me.”

“Ten years, probably in my late twenties, we’ve only been going out for 5 or 6 months, we’re too young to have any responsibilities of that kind, you’re not even a legal adult yet. To be honest, I’ve never really thought about having children with you, of course I’d want to, but it’s never crossed my mind.” I explain.

“I don’t think that our relationship in numbers count, we’ve known each other practically all our lives, so I think when we are the right age, we’ll have children, not when we’ve been dating for a significant amount of time.” He points out.

“That’s very true. When would you want to have children?” I ask.

“Mid/late twenties maybe, when ever you’re ready to be honest.” He answers.

“Here it is,” I say as we walk into the shop. “This is so weird, I’ve never done this before, actually yeah I have, I went with Erika once.”

“Erika thought she was pregnant?” Luke questions.

“Yeah, she wasn’t though.” I explain.

“Should we get a couple, just to make sure?” Luke questions.

“Uh sure,” I nod my head, starting to panic again.

“Hey, it’s alright, I’m here.” Luke cooes and rubs the small of my back.

“I know, it’s just I’m eighteen, I’m not ready to even think about being a mum. How could we be so irresponsible?”

“We made a mistake but we learn from our mistakes.” He states.

“Ugh it’s gonna be so awkward buying these.” I groan as I pick up two prefnancy tests.

“Why don’t you put an act on, it will be funny, I’ll give you a backstory. You and your sexy husband, Luke Hemmings have been trying for a baby. You’re 29 and you think your finally pregnant. Go.” He tells me and pushes me towards the counter by my ass.

I’ll be staying away from sex for a while, I can tell you that.

“Hey, you need to come with me.” I tell him.

“Ugh, fine, but I need a backstory.”

“You are a 28 year old idiot, oh wait, you already are. You’re a 32 year old male and are dating a hot 29 year old, called Harper White. Oh you’ve got an interest in My Little Pony. That gets all the ladies.”

“I’m 32, dating you, a 27 year old and I’ve got an interest in My Little Pony.” He concludes.

“Let’s go see if I’m pregnant.” I exclaim and Luke chuckles.

Luke puts his arm around me and we go pay for these.

The lady at the check out gave us a funny look but I just ignored her and put the pregnancy tests into my bag.

“I am so nervous.”

We’re at my house now and I’m so fucking worried, and kind of ashamed.

“Well I guess I should find out what my future holds.” I sigh.

Taking one test with me and closing the door behind me. Taking the pregnancy test out of the box and reading the instructions. I finally build up enough confidence to just take it.

I do my business on the stick and I put the cap on, placing it on the counter. I sit on the toilet lid as I wait, a million thoughts going through my mind, 1 second feels like one minute.

I never thought I’d be taking a pregnancy test at eighteen, let alone ever, I’ve never really seen myself getting married or having children. I wouldn’t be upset if I was pregnant in the right time, in the future, but it’s never been my scene.

My hands are shaking, my heart is beating so fast and I’m pretty sure England can hear it, a million thoughts going through my mind, I probably look as if I’ve seen a ghost.

Time should be up by now and I’m just not ready, I can’t do this. “Luke.” I call out and open the door.

“Yeah?” He questions, his breath hitching as he walks onto the landing.

“I can’t look at it, I need you to look at it.” I claim

“Okay, baby.” He nods.

Probably not the best nickname to use right now.

Luke wraps his arm around me and pulls me into an embrace. He picks up the pregnancy test with his arm still around me and his breathing picks up. “What do two lines mean?” He questions.

I burst out crying into his chest. Luke quickly puts the test down and wraps his other arm around me, one rubbing up and down my back and the other in my hair.

“Hey, it’s gonna me alright, we can get through this.” He whispers into my ear.

“How is it going to be okay? We’re fucking pregnant, I’m 18 your 17, we can’t have a baby.” I claim.

“Are pregnancy tests always 100%?”

“Not all the time, but it’s quite rare for them to be wrong.” I tell him.

“Why don’t you take the other one, just to be sure?” He suggests.

“What’s even the point?” I mutter.

“Come on Harper, now isn’t the time to mope around, we need to find this out.” Luke sighs.

I nod, knowing he is right.

“I’ll um, leave you to it.” He awkwardly says, and if I wasn’t in this state, I would’ve laughed at him.

I nod and fill a glass up with water before downing, and waiting for it to pass through.

After a while I do the test again, this time it isn’t as bad as last time, but it’s still terrifying. After the time period is up, I timidly look at it and it comes back as negative.

The fuck?

“Luke,” I call him.

“Yeah?” He asks as he walks in, a terrified look on his face.

“It’s negative.”

“But, what?” He questions.

“I don’t know, we’re gonna have to book an appointment, I’m not going through the stress of taking a fucking pregnancy test again.”

“Yeah, okay, do you think we’ll able to book an appointment now for tomorrow?” He asks.

“It’s half five, so probably, I’m not sure about tomorrow though.” I answer.

“Who’s gonna do it?” Luke asks.

“I should probably do it because I am possibly carrying our child.” I sigh.

I take my phone out of my pocket and phone the hospital.

After 10 minutes it’s all booked and surprisingly enough, I’ve got a slot for tomorrow.

“Okay, we’ve got an appointment at 1:15 tomorrow afternoon. Is that alright?”

“Uh, yeah I think so.” He nods.

“Whats happening at 1:15 tomorrow?” Someone asks and I drop my head onto Luke’s chest, letting out a groan.

“Whats wrong with her?” Michael asks.

“Dunno.” He shrugs and wraps his arms around me.

“So what’s happening tomorrow?” Calum asks.

“Uh, Harper and I are… going on a date.” He trails off.

“Romantic.” I mutter and he squeezes me.

“But Harper doesn’t like going on dates.” Erika points out.

“Trying something new.” He covers.

“Oh, like your sex positions?” Ashton asks.

“The fuck?” I question.

“Just leave us alone, we have… things to sort out, nothing that concerns you guys.”

“What things?” Mike asks.

“Nothing that concerns you.” I say as I walk out of my room and make my way down into the kitchen.

“Harper, can I talk to you for a minute?” Someone asks and I quickly turn around, being met my Maddie.

“Oh, hello, I was wondering where you were.” I smile.

“Do you have a minute?” She questions.

“Um, yeah sure.” I shrug and I sit on the counter, Maddie sitting on the island opposite me.

“I’m going to go ask/show you something.” She starts off. “So I found this on Twitter about 10 minutes ago, not many people have seen it, yet.”

Maddie plays a video of Luke and I at the shop we went to, it’s more of just audio, but at some parts you can see us. You can literally hear us, word by word talking about it all, they must’ve been on the other isle, or even behind us. We must’ve been so caught up in the moment and didn’t check our surroundings.

“So…” Maddie trails off.

“Um uh.” I stutter. Do I tell her? I guess I should seek some female help, I definitely can’t ask my mum, because of obvious reasons, Erika wouldn’t be able to keep her mouth shut. I haven’t really done anything like this with Maddie so now’s my chance I guess. “I may or may not be pregnant.” I quietly say.

“Have you taken the test yet?” She questions.

“Uh, y-yes, one came out positive and the other came out negative.” I tell her.

“What are you gonna do?”

“I literally just booked a doctor’s appointment and then we’ll see what happens. I’m not gonna keep it, I don’t have time for a baby right now. I don’t even know if I want children in the future, let alone one now. I’m 18 for Christ sake. Are you disappointed in me or us?”

“Of course not, I could never think bad of you guys. What happened? Failed condom, unprotected sex? What birth control do you use?” She asks.

“Why?” I question.

“Need to take notes.” She claims.

“Maddie,” I can’t help but laugh, “you’re gay, you aren’t going to get pregnant with Erika anytime soon.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Anyway, it was unprotected sex, I feel so stupid and ashamed.” I groan.

“Don’t be ashamed, I’ve had a pregnancy scare before. I’ve only done it with a dude once and I’ve never gone back after that,” she laughs. “No, but I had a scare, had to take a pregnancy test, it came back negative. I think it’s more common than you think.”

“Thanks Maddie.” I smile.

“What will you do if you are pregnant?” She asks.

“I probably won’t keep it, but I just know I’m gonna get an overwhelming feeling of guilt.”