#sorry alice no matter how cute those baby shoes are syd's always going to kick them off

[stardustandtwilight]

🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄

Christmas 2005

Emmett was forbidden from blasting Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” at midnight like he did every year but it was in vain; Sydney woke up hungry at that time anyway. Esme scooped her up from her crib with a wry smile. "Should've known you'd be up, baby girl." She'd been waking up like clockwork at this time. "Shhhh, don't cry, it's Christmas."

Sydney's cries quieted but she still made little disgruntled noises.

Emmett stuck his head out of his and Rosalie's room as Esme carried her down to the kitchen. "That’s not my fault. I was being quiet!”

Esme waved him off. "I know."

"Just saying for the record!"

In the kitchen, Carlisle was already getting a bottle ready. Formula this time. They were still experimenting with switching between blood and formula. Sydney seemed comfortable with both. Carlisle hoped that meant she could drink mostly formula instead of having to drink so much donated blood. He smiled at Esme and Sydney while checking that the formula wasn't too hot. If there was one strong preference Sydney displayed, it was that she preferred warm blood and formula over cold.

"You know, Santa won't come if you don't sleep, baby girl," he said in mock sternness to Sydney.

"Tell Daddy you can't help that you're hungry," Esme said. Then to Carlisle she added, "Are we doing the Santa thing?"

Carlisle shrugged, sheepish. "I don't know, it just seemed like one of those things modern parents say."

Upstairs, Emmett laughed loudly. Rosalie shushed him, but she was laughing too. Edward huffed in the way he did when he was holding back laughter. Thankfully, Alice and Jasper were out on a date for the night, but they were sure to hear about it when they got back.

“They’re never going to let me live that down, are they?” Carlisle asked.

“Not a chance,” Esme said with a grin.

Sydney decided to cry again, evidently impatient with not being fed. Esme bounced her and said, “Okay, sweetheart, we hear you.”

They settled on the couch and Esme gave Sydney her bottle. The newborn drank with a single-minded focus, a tiny pucker between her blue eyes. It brought back shadowy, bittersweet memories of her son and how he made the same face when he nursed. What a gift to be able to care for a baby again.

If only that gift didn’t come with its own new grief.

Among the numerous gifts for Sydney under the tree (Alice couldn’t stop herself from going overboard with the baby clothes, especially shoes because “they’re too cute!”) were gifts for Sarah. Esme hadn’t been able to stand looking at them gathering dust in her office so she wrapped them all in a grief-stricken focus while she did the presents for the rest of the family. Nobody said anything about her putting them under the tree but now that it was Christmas she wondered why she bothered. Sarah would never take pictures on the new camera Esme had gotten her or play Super Mario Brothers 3 again on the NES that Emmett found on eBay or –

“Hey.” Carlisle touched Esme’s face, bringing her out of that train of thought. “What’s wrong?”

Esme sighed. “Sarah.”

It was all she had to say. Carlisle’s eyes were filled with understanding and with his own grief and guilt. Esme knew he did all he could to save her, but he was haunted by the reassurances he gave her that she would live, that she would be there to see Sydney grow. He had been sorely tempted to go back on the promise to not change Sarah, but he couldn’t live with himself if he broke that promise too.

Sydney distracted them for a moment by spitting out the bottle’s nipple with a grunt and Esme handed her over to Carlisle to burp.

“I don’t know what to do with her gifts. I’m kind of embarrassed that I wrapped them,” Esme admitted. 

Carlisle shook his head. “I don’t think you should be embarrassed.” 

“Sarah isn’t here to open them,” Esme said bitterly. She felt her throat close up and her eyes prick with phantom tears and she closed them. Her earlier words to Sydney came back to her - don’t cry, it’s Christmas.

“I know.” Carlisle’s voice was low and tired. For a moment, there was only the sound of him lightly patting Sydney’s back. “You got her a camera, right?” 

“Yes. Why?” 

“Well, you could always open it yourself. Use that camera to take pictures of Sydney growing up like she would have.” 

Esme considered it. The camera certainly wouldn’t go to waste that way and while the thought still brought on the ache over Sarah not being here to do it herself, it was better than letting the gift sit and collect dust again. “That’s a good idea.” 

Carlisle smiled crookedly. “I’ve been known to have them.” Esme only just refrained from rolling her eyes. 

Being done burping Sydney, Carlisle brought her back to the crook of his arm and kissed her forehead. Esme leaned in to kiss her head and inhaled her sweet scent. It didn’t make her throat burn like a normal human’s would and she savored it. Sydney’s tiny hand closed around Carlisle’s finger and her eyes fluttered closed, instantly asleep. Carlisle sighed, a rueful smile on his face.

“What is it?” Esme asked.

“I wish I could sleep like that.”

“Aww, does the old man need a nap?” Esme teased.

“It’s been three hundred sixty-five years since I last slept. Of course I do.” He nudged her with his foot. “Don’t you?”

“No.” Esme nudged him back. “It’s only been a hundred and ten years for me. I’m not tired.”

“I guess I’m the only one that needs a nap. Besides this little one. I wonder how long before we’ll hear her protesting that she’s not tired.” 

“Sooner than we think.” The changes in Sydney since her birth a month ago would be small to human eyes, but to vampire eyes they were significant. They were all so used to looking in each other’s unchanging faces. Esme already anticipated Sydney growing up too fast, a common parental complaint. 

“I suppose we should put her back to bed,” Carlisle said, sounding a bit regretful. 

Esme smiled and snuggled into his side. “No, I think we’re all comfortable right here.” 

In the morning, as the Cullens gathered to open their gifts, Esme opened her present for Sarah and the very first picture she took was of Emmett piling all the discarded bows onto a sleeping Sydney.