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#sorry i just get so fed up i can't not yell into the void about this one
shardain · 6 months
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hey, uh, its ok to headcanon characters as ace!
it is even okay to headcanon traumatized characters as ace!
gay, lesbian, bisexual, or pansexual characters can also be ace!
asexuals can also, in fact, still find people attractive! what a concept!
it doesn't hurt anyone to let people have ace headcanons!!!
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tarjapearce · 2 months
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Chapter 7: Silent Violence is Humbled
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Miguel O'Hara x Reader
WARNINGS: Tension, Angst, emotional discomfort, fluff and comfort towards the end, Strained friendships, verbal abuse, character introspection, character study, anger, hurt, family dynamics.
Summary: Karma keeps it's siege, and a new milestone hits the mark.
Previous
A/N: So. sorry for the delay, had to make some reports for my internship (I'm almost done and out with it 🥹 yay.)
Leaving the hospital wasn't precisely good. A new debt was added to your already trembling credit and to top it off, you were left with meds, a scheduled appointment with a therapist and a plethora of vitamins and supplements.
Of course you had reported everything but the gruesome details to your immediate boss. Not that she didn't sound convinced, rather shocked you were in the hospital.
You only could hope complications wouldn't be a regular guest in your life and bank account.
"I can hear you thinking from here. You ok?" MJ mumbled as she stirred a couple of eggs into the pan. You stared into the endless and spiralling void. Picking at the hospital's pale blue plastic band around your wrist.
You had spaced out as soon as you got  home, the remnants of the perilous encounter with Miguel somehow still remained etched to your skin and mind. Unable to let go completely.
"I think I'll start looking for a better paying job somewhere else."
MJ watched you for a second, "You'll quit Alchemax?"
With a groan, you slouched on the dining table, placing a hand ontop of your head
"I'd love to, but I can't yet. Not until I have something certain anyways. Gotta suck it up for a bit more."
"I'll help you look up on other companies, who knows maybe we find a better thing for you. I don't feel comfortable with you being there with that crazy asshole working in there too. Do you want extra bacon?"
"Pretty please. Thank you, MJ. And yeah, if you're not a scientist in Alchemax, you're basically another exploited worker."
"Stop thanking me. You're my best friend. And I'll help, let me ask Peter if he knows about something somewhere."
She served the breakfast and placed the plate before you. Mayday announced her awakening with a mumble, her tiny hands rubbed her eyes to then look around sleepily, until her blue eyes met MJ.
You couldn't help but stare at the motherly displaying ritual.
Mayday's eyes lit up, shining brighter as MJ approached with a genuine smile that only matched her daughter's.
Your best friend enveloped her little girl in her arms, showering her in affection, earning her a couple of lovely squeals.
"Rested well, sweetheart?"
"Ma ma"
Those syllables alone made your heart leap as a myriad of emotions flooded your brain. The concept you had of it wasn't nothing alike what you were witnessing. There wasn't unnecessary yelling, cussing or physical abuse. All the opposite. A little rush of envy coursed through, but it faded quickly as it came.
It was odd, really. To behold such intimate moment of bonding between the both. It came so natural, full of love and everything you, sometimes at your age still were getting acquainted with. Patience, understanding and caring.
Mayday rested her head on MJ's shoulder and stared at you. Like seizing you for the first time ever, paying attention to your very moves, curious, scrutinizing your soul with her lovely and innocent eyes, leaving no room for disingenuous acts.
You gulped
"Hello" You waved coyly and your heart trembled with something unknown as she giggled your way, approving of your presence. She knew no evil nor judgement. Mayday didn't judge you. Just like her mother. She was pure joy.
"When's the shrink's appointment?"
MJ's voice snapped you out of your mutinied thoughts.
"Uh in a month or two." You mumbled while digging in your breakfast. It tasted like utter love and heaven after having nothing in your stomach for more than a day, and your stomach tolerated it well.
"Are you nervous?" MJ fed Mayday with the bottle, your mind subconsciously took notes of the way she held, fed and talked to her.
"Very. Not a fan of spilling my issues to strangers, even if it's their job."
"I know it might be difficult for you, considering the shitty attention you had before with them. But if the doctor says so, you must do it."
"I know." Your lips sighed, heavy with resignation to then purse into a tiny smile, " I just wanna move on, you know?"
"You will, I know so. You're strong, sweetie. Now eat up and drink your vitamins."
You chuckled, feeling her maternal instinct through the table.
"I think I'm already gaining weight."
MJ chortled as she wiped Mayday's cheek and lips, to then kiss the tip of her nose.
"Wait until you get your feet swollen, the hormone changes. Acne on your back, and the need to jump on-"
"Ok! ok, got it." Your cheeks flushed as the redhead just laughed now at your embarrassment.
"It won't be easy, but you'll get used to some stuff. You'll see."
-----
If there was something that Peter wouldn't openly admit, was the fact he disliked Miguel's sense of disposition of his time.
Sometimes his friend's hubristic demands had him juggling between his own time and his family.
Peter hated when Miguel simply let him know he was on his way. He didn't care if he was busy or was about to be, but also meant one thing. Stress was eating Miguel alive and he, as his best friend, was the only he could rely onto to take away such heavy burden.
With a sigh, Peter prepared mentally for the night. Specially to give his ever patient wife an explanation of a sudden visit. As if the universe made sure MJ and Miguel to never properly meet beyond pleasantries. If they had seen and meet eachother a couple of times was too many.
MJ was either out because of work, leaving him and Mayday alone, or the days and hours Miguel visited were when MJ was already asleep or too busy to sit and socialise with her husband's friends.
Peter has known Miguel for a couple of years by now, and still things didn't change.
He put a couple of beers to cool, then stirred the pasta. Miguel wasn't a picky eater, yet it made Peter stress over the food choice. But MJ wanted pasta and he was none to ignore his wife's whims over his friend's.
How long has it been since he saw Miguel? Months? Half a year? He didn't remember, but hoped that he wouldn't stay too long. Work had chewed, ate and spat him on the floor way too many times to count today.
His shoulders slumped, defeated before hia daughter's sweetness when Mayday gave him a toothy grin, he returned the smile, although tiredly.
"Let's get you some dinner."
He held his daughter in one arm, as he served a bit of noodles in her favorite spider-ham bowl and somw juice in her sippy cup. Peter put her in her chair and placed the food before her  just in time as the doorbell rang.
"It's not that I don't like him, you know? I'm just tired today." Peter mumbled to himself and Mayday as he scratched his stubble and walked over the door.
May could only look at him, curious, bur the bright colors of her cup demanded her attention. To his little surprise, the man in question was there, scrolling through his phone in the meantime. Dressed in a casual button shirt, dark jeans and dress shoes, holding a small bag of sweets as a gift.
"Could you please start letting me know when you're coming over from now on? It's not that hard."
Peter's frustration wafted through his words as Miguel chuckled and followed him, the smell of cologne tickled the host's nose, almost a bit too pungent.
"Had to. Needed a distraction. Here"
He handed the paper bag to him, full of artisanal mexican sweets. At least this time, Miguel was thoughtful enough to bring something he knew Peter liked.
But it also meant one thing. A long night ahead.
With a sigh and defeated shoulders, Peter went to the kitchen, rummaging through the simple glassware to fetch a couple of glasses.
"I have... soda, apple juice, can't give you the beer until Mayday's asleep."
Miguel just quirked a brow and went for water. It was kinda bothersome for him how something so trivial as drinking a beer was a forbidden thing among parents whenever their children were around.
Overprotection and alienation from such things would only make them curious if anything. At least that's how it worked for Miguel. Still, it was Peter's home, and he had to play by the unspoken parenting rules his friend followed to a T.
How inconvenient
Miguel's eyes wandered through the table to land on Mayday. As a happy kid she was, the sauce was smeared all over her cheeks and chin, even her hands and forearms. Some noodles hung on her chin.
Even though his logical side appealed towards a scientific fact about babies discovering everything through their hands and mouth, the sole idea of having to deal with it on a daily basis and probably at every hour the kid would be awake and eating, made his eyes to tear away from the child and sigh, relieved he didn't have to cope with that sort of problem.
He had done his part, and against all logic, you had decided to keep the baby.
Pendeja. (Dumbass)
He huffed, annoyed to none but himself.
What would you do? It wasn't his problem anymore. He had more important things to think about than you and your stupid choices. His jaw clenched.
" You're gonna scare Mayday if you keep glaring like that."
Peter spoke as he cleaned up his daughter after feeding her with some bits of sausages. Miguel sighed as his arms untangled from his chest. A habit he subconsciously adopted as he was way too deep in negative thoughts. He gave his body some slack. He had came here in order to relax amd distract himself.
"Wanna tell me what happened or you wanna wait by having some pasta?"
In fact, now that Miguel was here he could take a good look at the scene before him. Peter had changed so much to the point of transforming himself into a completely different persona.
There was no more staying up past one am, lost in beers and talking about whatever thing alcohol made him spill out of his mouth. Reluctantly, good days. And now Peter was serving him some overcooked pasta that somehow tasted good. Even for him.
Hypocrite.
His mind reprimanded himself. He had wanted kids once but now seeing how it changed and rewired the brain chemistry and your fiasco, the thought of them had been shoved to the very back of his priorities. He had a career and money to make, not play house amd happy family with a stranger.
As much as Peter was his only true friend, he didn't want to look awful and perpetually tired because of a kid, like him.
With a sigh he dug on the food while staring at the both. The tangy smell of the sauce induced the little hunger he ate the pasta. A couple of minutes later passed when the key's tinkering echoed from the main door, revealing none other than MJ balancing a couple of paper bags in hands.
Miguel watched as Peter immediately rushed to her side and helped her out, while welcoming her with a kiss.
"Smells good!" MJ chirped and made her way towards the kitchen, Mayday's eyes lit up as soon as she saw her mama. A bubbly squeal received her when MJ ruffled her fiery curls and took her in her arms, rattling Miguel's ears.
"Hello there, precious" MJ kissed her cheek but then focused her gaze on Miguel. He tensed briefly to then give a polite smile.
"Hey."
MJ nodded and gave her respective hello back. Peter came into the dinning table with an awkward smile. He didn't need to explain the presence of his friend to his wife, as she quickly picked up the cue to get Mayday to sleep.
For some reason, the energy in the room was suffocating. As if Miguel was the black hole sucking the life and energy out of everything even without intending. Yet, Peter tried to shoo the negative aura that lurked around ominously by unpacking the groceries as he talked to MJ
"How was your day?"
"Good, a bit tiresome. But definitely better now than I'm home."
"Want extra cheese in your pasta? Oh! Miguel got us some candies."
MJ smiled politely at him, "Thanks for that. I loved the eh... Maz-uhpan?"
"Mazapán." he corrected gently.
"That thing. Peter, dear can you get the tub ready for May?"
It was Peter's cue to meet her in private.
"Excuse me." She took Mayday and Peter followed, leaving Miguel alone for a moment. Giving him a break from unwanted displays of family dynamics.
Once in the bathroom and away from prying eyes and ears, MJ cleared her throat
"Before you get angry, I didn't know he was coming until fourty five minutes ago."
MJ quirked a brow knowingly and huffed.
"I know. Still, the least he could do is to let us know he's coming over, Pete."
Peter nodded while rubbing his face, tiredly.
"I'm sorry, ok? Will make him go away soon. He's not having a good time right now."
MJ rolled her eyes while Peter added some soap to the water.
"Yeah, he only comes for a visit whenever he needs something out of you."
"MJ" Peter grunted the silent plea. 'Not now.'
She chuckled and kissed his cheek, "You know it's true. But, if it works for you, then ok. Just don't stay up past one. You snore too loud whenever you get little sleep."
"Relax, he probably just want to ramble, take a beer and leave."
"Alright, alright. He could tone his perfume a bit though. I can smell him from here. Go have fun."
-----
The beers clinked in the table, their taste numbed briefly Miguel's throat and tongue. It burned good as the sour liquid rolled down his esophagus, while Peter rambled on about the many pictures he showed him of Mayday.
Not that he didn't appreciate Peter's attempt to make him forget whatever problems were pestering his mind. But if honest, he grew tired after the sixth photo.
"You should have another."
That made Peter shut up and he chuckled.
"No no. With her is enough."
"You sound regretful."
Miguel mumbled as he finished his beer, Peter shook his head vehemently.
"At all. I know I look like shit, Mig. Still, would do it all over again. Like, look at this!" Peter got the screen close to his bored face with another picture and Miguel pushed it away softly.
"Yeah, she's a pretty girl. Got it."
"You don't get it. Once a kid shows up, everything changes."
You've got no idea...
His mind replied, as his body tensed once more.
"Have you talked about this with Dana?"
The name only made the urge to down the other beer in a go, but his mind almost slapped some sense into him and reminded him this wasn't his home.
MJ's steps alerted both men briefly as she came for her extra bowl of soggy pasta and wash Mayday's bottles.
"We broke up." He stated simply with a disdainful shrug
"What the fuck?
MJ turned to Peter, a brow quirked at his choice of words but focused again on the bottle.
"Miguel, you texted me, saying you were looking for wedding venues with Dana. And now you're single again?"
MJ's breath hitched.
Dana
Oh God
Dana D'Angelo.
Miguel's fiance. And the one that slapped you.
MJ had been so busy with work and her motherly duties that totally forgot about her husband's companion.
Miguel.
The man that only relied on her husband's company whenever life was too much for him. An acquaintance that she had only seen a couple of times and shared the same roof as her, although briefly in the few times Peter invited him over.
And also, the man that had gotten you pregnant, and had sent you to the hospital in a fit of rage. The very man that was causing you so much pain, had taken a place on her table, with her family and now was talking comfortably with her husband about his failed love, thanks to none other but himself.
Her heart wrenched and beat so fast in between powerful contractions that it made her breath shaky.
A monster was in her home. A terrible man had waltzed into her safe space and was tainting with his rottenness everything he touched, with his pungent and hubristic smell. His cologne and attitude only made her stomach churn.
"It didn't work out."
She turned to see him, unbelieving in her green eyes. So well behaved, ever polite and not an ounce of guiltiness in his judging stare. Entitled even, as if the world owed him just cause he existed. MJ understood now why it was so easy for you to fall into his trap, but the anger that clawed at her brain was greater than anything she had experienced before.
How dared he come into her home and play the victim when he had forsaken you and his child? How dared he disrupt the natural balance in her house with his mere presence?
"She was getting too annoying for me, anyways. Always behaving crazy." Miguel gestured with a terse movement of his hand before slicking his dark brown strands back.
Oh, how dared he. Those last words made her patience thread to stretch impossibly thin, that it broke.
"Well of course she'll act crazy! You fucking cheated on her!." MJ's hands balled tight at her sides, and glared daggers at Miguel.
Both men snapped to look in her way.
Miguel's eyes widened and Peter blinked almost stupidly at his wife and then at his friend that seemed like a deer caught in the headlights. Few little things in life managed to surprise Miguel, and MJ exposing his dirtiest secret to the only person he trusted outside Dana so carelessly and abruptly, had definitely caught him off guard.
"W-What?"
"He cheated on Dana, Peter."
Miguel swallowed thickly, a shaky breath turned into a steady one, anger coursing through his veins, his mahogany eyes narrowed.
Not them too...
He rubbed his face and hair again, trying to remain composed. If Dana had came for him and gave him no truce, MJ went straight to the jugular. Remorselessly for the kill.
How did she know?
A new wave of fury washed over him at the sudden implication his mind was brewing with, his hand clawed at his bouncing knee.
Did she know you?
What a sick, twisted and small world he lived in. Of course she did. Or else he wouldn't be here, trying to come up with a reply to his shocked friend. But he was cut short from everything, even thinking.
"You don't know shit." Miguel couldn't help but hiss, and his words were enough to throw Peter's patience out the window.
"That's my wife you're talking to, pal." Peter scowled, flabbergasted at Miguel's words as he stood with a warning finger waving at his... friend?, "Tone it the fuck down."
"She doesn't know what she's talking about, Pete!"
Miguel felt ridiculous, not only cause the now constant need of explaining himself, but the absurdity of the situation. He was holding his friend's arm, trying to get Peter to believe him, just like he did with Dana.
But Peter was focused into getting MJ calmed down as she kept cussing his way
"Of course I know, asshole!" She spat, "I know enough of you to say how much of a piece of shit you are!"
That definitely earned her a growl "Whatch your fucking tone"
"Or what?! You'll try and hurt me too like you did with (Name)?! My friend has been suffering nonstop because of your pathetic excuses of being a man!"
If the many years prior to marry MJ taught Peter something, was that if she used foul language meant she was beyond pissed, and rightfully so. She wasn't one for cursing, and things surely would end up terribly wrong.
"You cheated your fiancé, got my best friend pregnant and demanded her to get an abortion-"
"Wait... You... you did what?" Peter's eyes widened and hardened, Miguel was cornered as Peter faced him, still containing his wife.
"No, no. That's bullshit!" Miguel's hand gestured as the other anchored to his hip. His poor attempt of bravery did nothing but set the fire ablaze in its full glory, it all had caught him so off guard he barely could think of comebacks to fend for himself.
"God... You're such a fucking liar!" Peter held MJ back as she seethed, trying to get a hold of Miguel, "I was there at the clinic with her! Cause she tried to correct your fucking mess!"
"I tried to fix-"
"You don't get shit fixed by writing her a fucking check and tell her to get rid of your child! Man the fuck up already! She's so under so much pressure now-"
"Because she's so stupid and chose to fucking keep that thing!" roared Miguel. Tired of being cornered without his usual pretense of control. Shoulders heaving with shaky and wrathful breaths, realizing the mistake he just did.
Peter glowered at him. Not only had he dared to yell at his wife but had been lying to him this whole time. And Mayday was crying. The commotion had been too great that woke her up.
Another pillar in his life was crumbling around, shaking the little constants he still remained with, to their very core.
Peter seized with him a look he had never seen before in his apparently dumb face. Disgust. He was about to protest but Peter's question only brought him to a too bright and unwanted spotlight.
"Is that true?" The tinge in Parker's voice held nothing but utter disbelief, not accusing, but skeptical. As if realizing he was being fooled this whole time as well. Peter slapped Miguel's hands away as he tried to reach for him again.
Shit
His aloof act had spreaded way too fast that didn't give it time to properly root and settle on his inner's circle brains ro control later. Peter growled at the stretching and pregnant silence.
"I'm fucking talking to you." The hard push of his hand made him sway softly, "Is that true!?"
Miguel's eyes widened. Peter's bravado and anger was something he didn't know until now. If honest, Miguel thought of him a complete goof that did everything his wife told him to. A complete mandilón.
If MJ told him to bark, he would and even do a flip while at it. But this man before him was different. Confident, authoritative, honorable, pushing his patience to new limits and oh so disgusted at his actions. A true father and man, unlike him.
A reluctant daddy.
Miguel really had a hard time grasping the magnitude of his doings and how they affected others, cause his remorse was absent. Everything he should be feeling at this collective verbal berating was gone. He was more focused in the defensive than offensive, and he failed.
Upon Miguel's silence, Peter just stared at him and sighed. He wasn't worth it.
"You need to leave, Miguel."
Ash soured the aforementioned throat. A thick lump knotted tightly on Miguel's windpipe.
"What? You're believing every word that comes out of her just like that?"
The question itself was stupid, he knew much so. But Peter didn't budge, in fact, he didn't even look at him as MJ went to fetch her daughter.
"You gotta be kidding me, Parker"
"Am I fucking joking? No. Leave." He shimmied away from Miguel's grasping hands with a disgruntled growl
"Look, I know I fucked up, okay-"
"Damn right you did" Peter pushed him away once more
"Can you listen?! " Tanned fingers sunk on Peter's arms forcefully, preventing him from escaping further, but that only earned him a powerful shove that made him nearly fall. Unlike you, that barely moved him an inch .
"Not this time. I talk and you listen. My home, my rules. Don't like it, get the fuck off." Peter hissed, the day's misfortunes and stress had piled up in his brain and Miguel's actions did nothing but set it all on fire.
"You can't just come into my house unannounced, yell at my wife for calling you out and your bullshit and expect me to remain quiet." His hands moved frantically, "You can't go around acting stupid, being a shitty friend, hurting people and believing the world owes you shit, Miguel!"
Peter turned his back on him, breathing deeply, trying to control the rising anger, finally breaking contact. His shoulders slumped with defeat.
"I knew you were an asshole, but c'mon man... Your own child? Really?" His blue eyes felt like an iceberg caressing upon seizing him a over his shoulder.
"Y dale con la misma pendejada... I did what I thought was right, okay?!" Miguel protested, trying to appeal to that good side that definitely lacked right now.
Peter turned again and stepped in a few strides closer to him, fear lacked in his glare, instead a fiery and scorching fury burned within
"Manning up is the right thing." His calm seething only made Miguel gulp, "Owing your mistakes is the right thing to do!" Peter's voice raised an octave louder
"What kind of fucked up logic is to think you can choose to cheat but choose to not face the consequences?!" Peter jabbed with force his index finger at the treacherous man's chest before him as he hissed every word.
"Funny thing is that you always saw me as a clown. Always bragged on how perfect your life was and thought of me a man child." Each word that came out from Peter was like a stone hitting Miguel,
"And look at you now, acting exactly like that!. How ironic that the roles reversed now." Peter's voice trailed off.
Miguel rolled his eyes so hard it hurted "No me jodas, Parker. Don't fuck with me with your shitty morals You didn't want children either, remember?!."
Disappointment and repugnance plastered all over Peter's face as he shook his head.
"People can do something called change, Miguel. Call me whatever you want, but at least I can say I am a man, cause I owe my mistakes. I don't go around screwing people over and then leave them to fend for themselves."
Peter went to the main door and opened it, with nothing else worthy to spill at Miguel, "Get out."
"You're an hypocrite. When you didn't want kids, everything is alright, but when I do I'm a fucking monster?"
He wasn't welcomed comed anymore. And this only added a couple of more weights in his already heavy bag of burdens, igniting his arrogance even further.
"Are you seriously playing the victim right now?" Peter huffed, "Grow a pair, Miguel. You need them. Get out."
Peter was done, all the energy that had been left was sucked out of him and the stranger before his presence was his biggest leech, he awaited for Miguel to leave, which made the exposed man's chest tighten uncomfortably. The friendship had crumbled. There wasn't anything left for him to salvage anyway.
"Fine." He took his jacket with a forceful grab, "Have it your way then." He spat and left the house with a slam that shook the doorframe.
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Your eyes raked over the cream colored walls, as your back nested comfortably against the stretcher. Silence reigned with such deliciousness it soothed your underlying nerves.
A month and a half had gone by ever since yiu had that unwilling visit to the hospital, hitting the sixteen weeks of pregnancy. Your meds worked relatively good, and so did the vitamins to the point of getting a bit more strength and color in you.
But today was different. Everything felt different ever since you woke up. The sheets felt divine, the mattress had the right amount of hardness to help with the lumbar area.
The water in the shower felt heavenly on your skin, it was as if the universe was preparing you for a surprise after so many tough times.
Whatever it had planned, you hoped it was good, or at least, digestible enough to not choke you with it.
The doctor, Mrs. Vincent, typed some information in her computer, then stood to whir the machine alive.
"Lift your shirt up, please." Once you did, she smeared a dollop of blue gel on your naked belly, something you barely had the chance to admire, too busy trying to adapt to the emerging changes in your body.
Some clothes had stopped fitting and if they did, they were a chip too tight. The baby bump wasn't enormous like you had thought, but it wasn't small either, after all, Miguel was a big man. It had enough curvature to make your belly poke out from any clothes you had.
I feel like a walking avocado...
MJ was sitting next to you. Although you felt guilty because of the scene Miguel created at her home, she was more than happy to put him in his place, and so her husband. Peter.
Bless him.
You haven't properly known the man but that action alone of standing up for you against his friend of years, made you a bit hopeful.
You weren't looking for a partner, much less a father to the creature growing within, the least you wanted to do was to complicate yourself even more and add another thing in the already long lists of stress you went by.
But in truth, you wished to be there to see his downfall. Not that you were spiteful, but karma surely was a beautiful thing to watch. And the thought of him being this scared and uncomfortable man, the opposite of what you had seen and experienced, made your lips curve into a satisfied smile.
Life had heard your pleas and you were thankful.
Your breath hitched as soon as the machine's accessory made contact with your skin. Cool plastic, like the cold gel all over your skin.
"Let's see", Dr. Vincent mumbled as she adjusted her glasses in her nose bridge. The white light illuminated well the, place, her faint smell of vanilla perfume tickled your nose, it wasn't an offensive perfume, but it made you a little queasy.
It definitely shut down the medicinal smell you had been received with.
Dr. Vincent's gloved hands took the transducer and gently moved it around your belly.
"Does it feels cold?"
You nodded with a nervous smile, "A bit, yeah."
Mayday's giggles echoed behind you, MJ shushed her with some gentle words and her breath hitched when she looked at the screen.
The redhead looked like was experiencing so many things for the first time again, yet she held your hand with excitement thrumming in her skin.
"Look at that, Mama"
The word still made you uncomfortable, but the way the doctor had spilled it felt oddly soothing. The baby was there, etched forever to your womb, growing within your guts each passing day, squirming like a little worm, making it's presence known with a kick.
MJ could only watch as you chuckled. Your features softened the more you stared at the screen. But then your eyes widened at seeing the baby's 3D image.
Resting against one of your womb, comfortably, squeezing it's little hands over and over.
And if honest, curiosity had gotten a vice like grip on you. The way the baby moved and nested within you was equally disturbing and beautiful.
The transducer moved all over as Dr. Vincent looked up the right angle. Breath grew short and caught in your throat at the doctors next words.
"There she is"
MJ gasped, excited and your eyes turned bleary.
A girl. You were having a girl.
"Congrats, Mama." The doctor printed the pictures.
The little bean inside was a girl. There was no longer an it, no longer the creature, or the baby.
Despite the though times you've endured, she was healthy. Perfectly developing, a bit underweight, but healthy.
A myriad of things crossed your mind, panic, admiration, fear and so much confusion. They all swirled inside your jumbled head, fighting over the control of your emotions.
MJ squeezed your hand as soon as she noticed the red-ish hue blooming in your nose and the glossy eyes.
A little sniff was stifled. The doctor smiled at your apparent emotional reaction.
"It's ok to cry. I've gotten too many boys in the week, seeing a girl a was a change of pace. Thank you for that, hun." Dr. Vincent spoke with a sweet voice.
You couldn't help but sob silently. Digesting every second of what had just happened. The nauseas had subsided momentarily, as if sensing you needed your strength for something else.
It didn't help your hormones that Mayday took a hold of your finger, big blue eyes staring at you with pure child like wonder as if demanding your attention. Your lips quivered, and when she cooed your way, you broke.
It's alright.
She'd surely say. MJ held you close, rubbing your back in soothing circles, letting you absorb the news at your own pace.
"You ok?"
You nodded, holding onto her tightly.
"It's a girl, MJ"
Your best friend smiled sympathetically your way, "Indeed. And she's healthy. You've done a fantastic job in keeping her that way, sweetie. I'm proud of you."
Her words did nothing but make you cry harder.
"I'm so scared, MJ"
"I know. But it's alright. I'm here and Mayday too, remember?"
You chuckled in between tears and sighed, while wiping your tears.
"I'm so scared cause... I don't wanna repeat things all over with her."
"Then let's make them differently, ok? I'm here. You're not alone."
You hugged her once more.
"Let's celebrate, yeah?"
"I... I don't know if I should even do that, all things considered."
MJ chided your name gently.
"You deserve it. You've faced so much already, this little girl right here" She placed her hand in your belly, "has stayed healthy and perfect because of you. You've done so much. So let's celebrate that, ok?"
Even if you thought yourself undeserving of such thing, you nodded and followed her.
You wouldn't admit it, but a deep deep part of you bloomed with a little seed of curiosity and excitement.
-----
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