#sorry idk. pls dont be rude to me lmfao

[gemsofthegalaxy]

I will also acknowledge Greg and Tom are doing things together, they are clearly scheming and plotting and frankly circling the bowl together, so it's not like nothing is going on with them. they are attempting to make moves (tho idk where they're going with it. Lmao.)

and, I don't agree that Tom seems overly annoyed by Greg or no more than usual. but it's simply not as funny or engaging as it used to be. Previously the intrigue with them was wondering if a scene would become insane out of nowhere, but now they just. talk. The crying phonecall in 4.3 was a nice moment and it was funny in 4.4 when Greg fumbled the roast so badly but this episode was really slim pickings, esp for Greg.

Tom's scenes with Shiv are fantastic to me, they always have been, but Greg's scenes with the sibs are just okay- there's no way they actually include him so it's just like. Okay. It might be better if they at least played off him- i could see a universe where Roman and Shiv string him along and fuck around with him, but they generally don't do that. If they had more time, it might be interesting but it's not like they're taking him for a ride this far into it.

I think another thing is, Tom and Greg are relatively safe... like everyone is worried about losing their jobs in the deal, but in the grand scheme of things, so fucking what? With the kids, being ousted from the company has an emotional impact. Tom and Greg were most interesting when they had more precarious positions and especially when they had the threats of jail and DOJ on them. I don't care much if Greg or Tom loses a job. Greg is almost too unimportant to fire, and Tom is a total cockroach in my interpretation of him, he'll be fine, inevitably he'd, like, find another job and a new wife and move on. Tom's scenes with Shiv at least have the effect of raising the emotional sword of damocles over his head because you know he cares about her.

I know Greg is a side character and Tom is in the supporting-main cast (as someone pointed out, he is pretty prominent in the marketing, not that I pay toooo much attention to that but it is a factor) but I can favor some plots and characters even if they're not a protagonist, and when a show is excellent you want it to be ALL good not just the A plot.

Lastly. Their plotline is NOT my only issue with the past couple episodes anyway. The most compelling kid is Roman right now, and while i liked Shiv's girlbossing, something with alllll of it just a bit... off... the pace is kinda funky feeling. we were all so hype and devastated about Logan's death and the placement in the season, but it seems like it might have taken the wind out of their sails a bit?

I withhold ultimate judgment until ep 10. Until then i will discuss stuff and hope for the best

[ofmerrit]

*  ◜  kristine froseth  ,  cis  woman  &  she/her  ◞  *  according  to  school  records  ,  that’s  merrit  antonietta  unn  hornsby  walking  on  campus  grounds  with  their  usual  iced-americano  from  the ancient  grounds  cafe  .  they’re  known  for  their  long  ,  dark  blonde  locks  outshining  their  surprisingly  tall  figure   and  are  often  spotted  at   the  versailles  garden  reading  wild  geese  by  mary  oliver  .  almost  everyone  knows  their  family  is  worth  like  1.2  billion  dollars  ,  so  we  suspect  they’re  a  member  of   olympus   ,  you  know  ,  the  one  for  old   money  .  do  you  know  where  they  were  the  night  that  the  scholarship  student  died  ?  they  claim  they  were  touring  around  the  campus  for  inspiration  ,  must  be  an  architecture major  thing  ,  right  .  and  hey  ,  don’t  you  agree  that  the  sophomore  reminds  you  of  muffled  screams  into  silk  pillows  ,  the  bellyache  you  get  after  doing  something  wrong  &  vacant smiles ?  you  better  watch  out  h e s t i a  before  something  dangerous  happens  to  you  and  life  ends  at  twenty-two  .  *  ◜  barb  ,  twenty-two  ,  gmt +3  &  she / her  ◞  *

alright alright . it’s me , wrinkle free brain bar from gmt +3 !! so pumped to be here w you sexies mwah <3 here’s merrit’s pinterest board if you’re interested ( pls im a virgo n pinterest addict .. lemme make boards for our muses .. id d*e ! ) imma . bore u to de*th w this intro pls .. forgive me .. i only hav 2 brain cells , this is all over the place HDFJK rip </3 tw: kidnapping, death.

starting w the boring statistics :     full name: merrit antonietta ‘antonia’ unn hornsby     nicknames: mer, antonia, ant, tbc.     code name: hestia ; the goddess of hearth , the family , the state & the domesticity.      star sign: libra sun , virgo moon , scorpio rising.     sexuality: bisexual.     favourite literature piece: wild geese by mary oliver ,  an anthology .                                              “meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,                                              are heading home again.                                              whoever you are, no matter how lonely,                                              the world offers itself to your imagination,                                              calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting                                              over and over announcing your place                                              in the family of things.”

merrit is the only child of the young hornsby couple. she doesn’t remember much of her childhood, according to her grandma, she was the happiest kid. had everything she could ever ask for and more. 

the reason why merrit can’t remember any of this is the beginning of a tragedy — a stormy december night, she and her parents went missing. grandma says they were gone for over five months. a kidnapping case gone cold, they thought. right when the old couple was giving up on them, an angel from above delivered antonia to their door step. malnourished, void of any memory but alive.

life after losing her parents was easier than expected, grandma hornsby ( nee du pont ) made sure merrit would recover from this without any trauma & in a way, she did.

doesn’t have the best relationship with her grandpa, he’s harsh and cranky and too smart for his own good, merrit is lowkey afraid of him lmfao 

she’s currently studying architecture — her dream major was interior design but grandpa encouraged her to pursue architecture to follow her father’s footsteps.  kinda made sense because she’s fascinated by houses .. in reality the insides, the families living there are the real source of interest for her but she’s happy to settle for outside for now gshdjkf

personality stuff !!!

uMM.... i’d say she’s lowkey a people pleaser sdhjkf like ?? making her grandparents proud is . literally the only thing she’s ever wanted in this world n now she feels the same responsibility for every single soul in her life . a torturous existence if you ask me 

can’t say no <3  if she thinks its gonna make u feel a tiny bit better . boom . she’s in .

the friend you’d call to bury a body . no questions asked . she’s pickin up the shovel as you speak asdghfjk unless it’s between her grandparents n you, then *michael scott vc* how the turntables.... sdhjfk shes rattin u out instantly rip

LOVES to talk n listen . fills her heart with joy . a blabbermouth . 

an overachiever . doesn’t sleep much, rocks the dark circles 7/24 lmfao works bc doesn’t like the idea of .. wasting life if that makes sense ??

loyal 2 a fault. mostly to olympus. wld do anything to stay in the secret society / establish her place .

extremely gentle n caring . sometimes ?? its just . too much sdjkf like. tone it down <3

likes poetry ,, especially mary oliver n louise glück ! her fav poem is the orange by wendy cope.

i imagine her wearing flowy, tulle dresses with floral embroidery or vintage pieces idk 

has shit ton of plants but struggles to keep them alive rip

!!! im . terrible at explaining her fr i hate it here ok i hav a vision but ??? i cant explain it

safe 2 say shes having difficulty deciding who she’s supposed to be . a part of her wants to be the golden child for her grandparents n the other side .. jst wants to live her life y’know ??? 

UPDATE ! i’ve realised that by hiding her secret, i also unintentionally hid a big portion of her personality and she comes across as the typical, soft & gentle soul. don’t get me wrong, she is indeed gentle and soft but she’s also volatile and deceitful !

connection ideas !!!

childhood friends - except she doesn’t remember any of it. maybe your muse thinks she’s changed. maybe they don’t care. maybe they are no longer friends . idk 

penpals - seriously ???  i imagine her as someone who writes letters jst bc they’re nostalgic n cute ??? cld be fun.

a home - i kno home’s not a person but a feeling but tell that to merrit lmao. this person’s probably the only one in the whole damn world she’d choose over her grandparents. platonic or romantic, doesn’t matter.

betrothed - super old school yikes. nt exactly betrothed either .. maybe her grandma thot it’d be better if these two were in a relationship . maybe they remained as friends . maybe they hated each other . maybe they kept the publicity stunt ( cue 2 merrit begging to keep faking the rel so her grandpa wld be happy )

exes - a classic. ts this is me trying vibes . on good or bad terms . lingering feelings ? yes please .

bad + good influence - again, classic sdhjfk

saw u at the garden but cldn’t say hi bc i’m a dumb binch - basically someone she has a minor, unrequited crush on. probably knows this person through her other friends but she’s too damn timid to take the first step

a friend from labyrinth . ok hear me out . this is a big deal for her bc she’s all in for her society n v opposed to the idea of a second one even existing . wouldn’t say shes openly mean or .. rude to labyrinth members but ?? jst . wants to protect her own , so this would be a v secret friendship .

a project - could say she has some sort of a savior complex . wants to ‘fix’ people up .. toxic much, mer? <3 anyway ashdjk maybe she thinks .. she can change your muse ? i truly dont know. 

ok final one . its juicy . someone who’s suspicious of her . she has a secret n for the obv reason i didn’t talk abt it, your muse’s suspicious n it’s just . hashtag awkward

these r the only connection ideas i have rn my brain said get tht fire exit door im off im so sorry forgive moi bUT im a sucker for angst : ) so theres that 

something inspired by my queen n savior phoebe bridgers or . folklore ?? yeah.

give me noora / william vibes . the ex friends . the dan / blair dynamic . i live for them ok sgdhfjkl

[the-coolest-mallard]

Like a Kickass Guy | ASC

Louie gets high at Mei’s party and texts Nemo and Tae.

@justkeepdancing-nemo​ @moon-yeongtae​

Louie: holy shit u guyyyyyy Louie: shit has been going dowwwwwwwwn. Or upside down? down and up really lol Louie: i may not have muscles n shit but guess WHAT I DID Tae: hulked out and killed someone? Louie: woah man no! Duuuuuude have u seen me? impossible Louie: i'm too cute to go to jail yet Louie: i mean EVER Louie: im too cute to go to jail EVER Louie: did a keg stand lol. sorta Tae: whoa nice Tae: how you feelin? Louie: a m a z i n g Louie: you won't BELIEVE how good i am Louie: i felt like IRON - no. i felt like CAPTAIN AMERICA. LIKE A KICK ASS Louie: GUY Tae: nice dude i'm glad ur having fun Tae: is mark there Louie: he was here somewhere. he asked me to come Louie: dunno where he went. maybe he's with johnny idk Louie: but who cares lol Louie: i'm great Louie: no more sads Tae: wow you're really drunk huh? Louie: nooooooooooooo Louie: haha I was gonna drink Louie: but then this weird girl showed up Louie: and now i'm super

Tae: but you said you did a keg stand Tae: that's like drinking isnt it? Louie: is it? i thought it was just a hand stand on a keg lol Louie: who knows? not me Tae: i mean i guess Tae: what weird girl Louie: idk blond. weird. she wanted me to CHEAT ON MARK WTF Louie: i mean she seriously helped me out but also Louie: wtf Louie: weird. so weird. but we went to the bathroom and she Louie: gave me t his stuff n i'm like Louie: wow i mean i can't stop talking Louie: i think I've said some seriously stupid shit Tae: wait Tae: what? Louie: what? i didn't tell you anything stupid did I? Louie: i don't think i did. thank god. imaigngi f i told u that Louie: lololol i'd die forever Tae: louie what are you taking about what stuff Louie: stuff? which stuff Louie: im not tellig Tae: what did she give you Louie: ohhhhhhhhhhh Louie: oh i can tell u that haha Louie: she called it all kinds of weird stuff like snow white or whatever which is bizarre af but whatever Louie: i like sniffed it and it felt super whack Tae: LOUIE WHAT THE FUCK Louie: and then it was like Louie: wow Louie: idk man i wanted to not feel sad and i feel good now Tae: holy shit what the fuck i cannot believe Tae: louie that was so dumb Louie: you're so dumb! Louie: no that's not true Louie: you're my faovriedgof person ever Tae: where the fuck is nemo why isn't he here to tell you how stupid that was where are you Tae: you're at mei's right Louie: yeh i crashed lol Louie: well no mark and johnny wanted to crash Louie: and since mark's been cool and let me stay at his place i was like Louie: well i should probs go Tae: yeah well THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD'VE FUCKING DONE COKE OR WHATEVER YOU DID jesus fuck Nemo: wait wtf did i just read Tae: yeah Tae: i have to go fucking get him Louie: why are you maddddd? im not bugging anyone! i'm having fun! Nemo: wait whats going on! Nemo: louie are you okay? Louie: i'm FINE Louie: i'm super Nemo: he did cocaine? Louie: super human Tae: he's at mei's party and he fucking YES Louie: you could say Louie: ughhh stop making this so big Tae: do you know how many kids my brother had to see in the hospital bc of drugs louie? Nemo: yeah that stuffs really bad Nemo: its human chemicals Nemo: do you feel okay? are you dizzy? Louie: do you know what else is bad? life. being sad. freddie mercury leaving too soon. presidents. earthquakes Nemo: louie D: Louie: tthe hunger games Tae: hey louie seriously how are you feeling like Tae: in your body Louie: that's a weird thing 2 akks dud Louie: im fine! Tae: okay but like Tae: if u close ur eyes and like idk try to feel what's happening like is your heart beating really fast? do you feel like puking? do you feel like you're moving? Louie: oh i mean yeah lol Louie: my heart is skipping faster n when i Louie: wait i gotta shut up shut up Nemo: tae yah is that bad? Nemo: would jun hyung know? Tae: i'm asking him right nwo Louie: so fussy you guys are fussy im gooood Nemo: louie just keep texting u ok Louie: look how good i am Louie: 

Nemo: very pretty Tae: yeah gorgeous how's your breathing Louie: wouldnt u like 2 kno Louie: how's your butt Louie: bet its still kicckable Tae: you have literally never kicked my ass at anything Tae: nemo does your appa know about this stuff? you probably shouldn't ask him huh? Louie: DON'T AOISFJPDOGN Nemo: its human drugs Nemo: so not really Louie: 4 THE LOV OF GOD Louie: that guy lredy probs haaaaaates me Nemo: his magic wouldnt work either i dont think Louie: im a toxin to freidn parnets Nemo: yeah if he ever finds out we woudl be banned from being in the same school i think he'd transfer me to that catholic place and appa hates catholicism Nemo: this is why you shouldnt do drugs louie :heart: dont yu wanna keep being my friend Louie: :cry: :cry: :cry: Louie: you're my best mate wgodidpsdggdfh Louie: you too tae Tae: wow rude Tae: oh okay Louie: wow Louie: dont be such a bitch tae Tae: well you started it when you did cocaine Louie: i used to think u were the coolest but maybe  im demoting u n promoing Louie: nemo Louie: nemo ur the new hottie Tae: the what Louie: what? Tae: louie i'm coming to get you Louie: whyyyyy the partys still partying Louie: ppl be FITIN Louie: man ud fit right in with your muscle bod Louie: well cept one fitghts girls Tae: where are you in the house Louie: idk the dance place. the life space Louie: where everyone is? Nemo: is jun going too? Nemo: aghaldkfjaskldfj Tae: yeah Louie: wait wait wait wait wait Nemo: ugh im sorry i cant be there Louie: where u going Nemo: louie im so sorry just keep texting us Louie: no Louie: i should dkslefadkad Tae: hey louie what's your favorite queen song Louie: skedlolde Louie: what? ohhhhh wow tough choice man i mean Louie: there are soooo many good SONGS Louie: lately i've been listening 2 somebody to love a lot cause i been dfpsogdpsjsd Louie: buuuuuut Tae: i like don't stop me now Louie: that's my OTHER FAVORITE Louie: man u vibe so well with me i hate it Louie: ha ha ha Louie: j k this is why we're bffs Nemo: hey queen was on the CD you gave me Nemo: ive been listening to it! Louie: reallyyyyy? did you like it? Louie: hey hey tae tae. taeeeeeeee. tae you should send a slefdie Louie: slefit Louie: sel fie Nemo: course! i love it Nemo: maybe i'll pick a song and choreo a dance for it Tae: you want a selfie? Louie: oooooo yes please nemo Louie: and def yes pls tae Louie: do smehthing cute Nemo [deleted]: ugh louiealkf Nemo: where's mark again? Nemo: im gonna text mark Louie: idkkkkkkk Tae: 

Louie: he went to do some stuff with johnny Louie: woahhhhhhhhh Louie: waogdisjdpsgjosg Louie: shit Tae: that's me coming to get ur dumb ass Louie: wait ur coming to get me? Louie: shit shit shit wait i gotta skedoled Louie: skedadled Tae: what? Louie: well much as i think ur great im ok Louie: also i thinkk hoooo shit Louie: gotta ifnd a window lol Tae: louie if you don't stay there i will fucking murder you Tae: i'm serious Louie: deth by tae or tdeth by uncle d when he fins out Louie: shit mn if i stay its a double featur Nemo: :/ Nemo: please louie, we're worried about you Nemo: we love you! we just want to make sure you're okay Tae: yeah Tae: you're gonna stay the night with me okay Louie: oh god Tae: it'll be great Louie: hahaahahahahahaha Louie: N E M O Louie: tell him why i suddenly Louie: sgosigdsgsdg Nemo: louie  i think you should Nemo: um drink water Louie: im good ill just find Louie: makr Louie: mark Nemo: that's also good please find mark Louie: n go to his place? Tae: what did i say Nemo: nothing he's on drugs Tae: i said stay put Louie: im really good thouuuugh Louie: n mark will look out for me Louie: marks nce Tae: well mark left u alone and you did cocaine so i mean not that that's his fault i'm just saying Nemo: ugh what if mark did cocaine Nemo: u dont think mark did cocaine did he Louie: dont blae me him 4 ME BEING ME Tae: DID MARK DO COCAINE Louie: honestly i dont dieossgodkh Louie: NO Tae: fuck Nemo: he might not have! we dont know Louie: i dont deesrve mrk naywayl ol Tae: nemo never do cocaine please Nemo: i cant see mark lee doing cocaine unless someone told him it was fun dip Louie: he n johnny were just doing fun stuff 2gether Tae: lmfao Nemo: id probably DIE if i did cocaine so dont worry ahha Nemo: big no no for fairies Louie: speaking of immenditd death Louie: we sure windows r no go Nemo: which is why u shouldnt do it solidarity c'mon louie Tae: if you aren't there when i get there i will be very upset Nemo: he will be Nemo: wont u louie Louie: im scared i dont want the lady 2 yell at me Louie: pls i wanna leave Tae: I'm almost there Louie: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD= Louie: what if i hid in the bathroom Nemo: its gonna be okay louie :heart: Nemo: just um, sing a little queen Louie: no its not ill be ded 4ever n dragged home n stuck with my asshole fam n never escape n ded Nemo: you won't be dead you'll be safe Louie: shit someone said its the COPS Louie: im double triple dead Louie: n thats bullshit Louie: my fam isnt safe they suuuuuuuck Tae: WHERE ARE YOU Tae: fuck there are so many people Louie: trapped in the prison of xistance Louie: a house of horrs Louie: horors Tae: i'm serious louie i can't find you Louie: just make urself taller Louie: ill see you Tae: i'm gonna yell for you Louie: ok ok ok Nemo: ugh fksjf

[lovedeluxe92]

okay so i started working at jimmy johns in early febuary of this year. i needed a job rlly bad and money desperately, just something to keep me afloat and to afford food. what i experienced...i was not at all prepared for lmao. i was sexually harassed, verbally harassed, had my hours fucked with, had management and even the owners of the company who could give a fuck less about their employees, had to deal with my fellow coworkers AND managers being on k2 and other drugs, and the final fucking straw which was getting my tip money stolen from me OUT OF THE SAFE BY A MANAGER. i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

traffic, pedestrians NOT LOOKING WHERE THE FUCK THEY WERE GOING DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PPL I ALMOST KILLED CAUSE /THEY/ DID NOT LOOK, we have ‘parking police’ and i legit got about 15-20 tickets during my time there bc that asshole was out for blood and anytime he saw my car, even if i wasnt parked illegally (oh did i mention we had like 3 parking spots all on the street and all with a 2 hour limit (: ) or hadnt been parked in a spot for the full 2 hours. so there was that. 

see when i first started everything was fine. we had good employees who worked hard and did what they had to do. they were all stoners, but whatever i could care less about that. SO. our assistant manager, he was a mess. racist, homophobic, rude, loud. the worst. we would do dabs out in his car (yeah i know but i worked at a fucking jimmy johns) and he would just say the most questionable shit. i remember this one time he saw my phone background was a pic of me and my bf and was like ‘oh you like black guys? what’s your sex like? i bet it’s really good’ and im not gonna go into too much detail here, bc it upset me and its racist,  but he kept going and said some REALLY creepy shit i was like wtf and told him to never speak to me like that again or i would report him for sexual harassment (side note: one time he thought i did report him for sexual harassment and was like “who are you gonna buy weed from now?” LITERALLY ANYONE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.) he would always be like “DAMN THICK’ whenever i would bend over and do everything. I TOLD MY MANAGER AT THE TIME. she  didn’t do anything. AND the owners of the franchise definitely knew bc like...there’s cameras and they can hear everything we say? but no one did fucking anything. and i needed the money bad so i had to stay. of course i told him off constantly. he was white and always saying the n word. just a piece of fucking shit. 

i think the happiest day of my life was when he FINALLY got fired. my manager had to go to another city for a week and help out that jimmy johns bc i guess ALL the employees and managers did a walk out (yeah this happens at all the jimmy johns owned locally in my area i wish i was kidding) and left his inept ass in charge. it took him 5 mins to make sandwiches (FREAKY FAST hello????) he was just a poor manager. but THEN he started using k2 again. and he was a zombie. there was no point of him even being there bc like he would just go to the back of the store and just stand in front of the freezer door staring for like 10-15 mins at a time.i was a driver and didnt know how to make sandwiches yet and this bitch seriously was just standing there cracked out of his mind on k2 in FRONT of customers (and i will say our customers were SO nice at least) takking phone calls slurring his words. it was embarrassing. i rememeber i had 2 customers who had waited almost a HALF HOUR for ONE sandwich bc i was having a panic attack and losing my fucking mind trying to make their sandwiches while he was in his truck getting high and refusing to come in. one of the customers actually gave me a tip and told me i was doing great and the other one was like ‘im so sorry this is happening to you, that guy is  fucked up’. anyway, he passed out on k2 in his truck one night and got the cops called on him and got banned from the property :) i still saw him from time to time and he looked disgusting & miserable and it made me so happy. 

mostly we just had grown ass employees, fucking 30 year olds, just acting like children. always on drugs. i had one coworker pretend to slap my ass and i called him out and he was like ‘it’s a joke im not apologizing’. people would try to take deliveries from me. AND LET ME JUST SAY, not even to fucking brag even slighly but i was the best worker there my entire time there bc regardless of where im working i am giving my 100% every day and no one else there would. but ppl always tried to step over me and did not respect me. we had one coworker who had 3 felonies and one day like 4-5 cops came to our store to tell us to call the cops the next time he showed up for work (surprise surprise he fled bc they took an hour to get to the store despite the fact we were literally like not even 4 blocks from the police station) and he was always high on k2. forever late. day after day no call no show. he had his friend get hired on who would go down to subway and talk shit about subway in his uniform??? lmao and subway called us one day and was like ‘can yall not?’ he also threatened to burn down the store and then my manager (who was always on a power trip if we’re being honest) purposefully withheld his paycheck to fuck with him, because he was fucking with her, so we dealt with him WAY longer than we should have? 

then this one bitch that became manager, SOMEHOW, we were seriously always that desperate for staff and we hire anyone bc the managers are overworked af and just want to take the load off. anyway, SHE was always high on k2 as well. and she would always overshare rlly traumatic personal things from her life to me and all the customers and its like....girl we dont wanna hear that pls try and get some help. she was not currently being abused, i wanna specify. she was talking about things from her past. i sympathized with her but like im a victim of dv too lmao i dont wanna see your bruises without being asked first. and then i remember one day i left my money bag there (i kept my tips in it and had like $37 in there or something) and this bitch who was making MORE MONEY THAN ME seriously fucking went into the safe (we caught her on camera lmao) and stole that money out of my bag and left a few bills to make it seem less suspicious i guess??? lied about it to my face? then quit bc she ‘wasnt gonna sit there and be accused of something i didnt do’ like ok lmao

then to top it all off at one point my old manager just stopped giving a fuck and the store went to shit and we got complaint after complaint and she started being so rude to all of her staff, including myself (and we were like besties so i was devastated) and she cut my hours when she was submitting our work times for the checks because i would clock in early to help out....LIKE SHE ASKED? and it was just everything i said to her...her response was just the most rude and hateful voice and just....it was so rude. i cried every single day after work. she eventually got replaced and then quit 

but then this new manager, whom i loved, was very depressed and just had a lot wrong with him mentally but he was still very....drama starting and attention seeking. he would talk about suicide nonstop 24/7 and not to be callous but it just made me so uncomfortable and triggered me so much? they did overwork him and i will attest and agree to that and he had a lot on his shoulders but he couldve gone to mcdonalds literally any day and gotten a job with better hours, better pay, and better benefits. i kept telling him over and over to leave bc he had so much managerial experience he couldve been hired anywhere! all resteraunts down here are perpetually hiring, especially for managers! i would know bc i was looking for another job lmao. but he’d text me every night saying things like ‘well lets hope i drink myself to death’ ‘suicide is painless’ etc. and it was just......VERY uncomfortable for me, as someone who has attempted suicide and still struggles with ideation from time to time lmao it was just the most triggering environment ever 

like idk how i lasted that long but i worked my ass off, saved up my money, have a good paying job and im trying my best to forget this entire experience (honestly i did have some good times) but i really dont....think i can lmao 

ON A POSTIVE NOTE: we had some of the kindest and most caring customers ive ever had in my life. i was shocked. but the amount of times i had a shitty customer in my entire time there i can count on one hand lmao like....even when they were shitty they were like ‘im sorry i know yall work hard and everything’ like i miss my customers SO MUCH because we actually had relationships with them and shit and ugh god. if the customers were shitty tho i would never have kept this job lmfao 

i stayed at this job simply bc i made enough money for rent and my bills perfectly and it was one of the few jobs where i was paid an hourly wage + tips. and i wanted my next job to be a job in my field. that’s why i stuck around so long, it took some time to do that.

so yeah theres my mess i love anyone who read this and you can have my first born and be the beneficiary to my life insurance when i die

[itsinmyfaq]

“dear diary” headassss 🤣

oh so glad this post gets my 57,400th post spot lmao he deserves it.

8.20.20 

okay, I get it. 

if ur a passerby pls exit this and dont pay attn to me lol you won't understand what's in my head, I just gotta let it out, as always.

I feel like I say that “I get it” every few months but I either have the worst memory ever or I just keep coming to new conclusions? LMAO. I've been sad bc I'm not over Tony and because A(redacted) doesn’t really live up to my expectations and desires honestly but I realized a something I think....

My realization started when T saw a tweet and asked me if I was sad and originally I told him I couldn't talk to him about it and he said if it’s about a guy, that I can. Which I feel weird about because... I’m not over him. But I realized that just because I’m not over our relationship doesn’t mean that he feels the same way, you know? He could be over it and I think I feel weird telling him things because I was thinking he WASN’T over it. But I have to realize that after so much back and forth of my emotions and actions, he could very well be over it, as he should be! And that was really interesting to realize.

Let’s dive deep into this so I can really process, maybe??

1. Me not being over him: He literally told me a few months ago after a convo we had about what I look for in a man that... well I cant exactly remember but basically if im looking for a man with Christian background and tendencies, that I probably should move on and start dating, I think that’s what he said because I think that was during the “I’m gonna start dating convo” so idk WHY I forget about the fact that we had an entire conversation about moving on. So I guess that I kinda have what I’ve been wanting as far as a friendship? The ISSUE HERE is that I still only really think about him. A(redacted) is... Im not sure if saying rebound or distraction is rude. I think I needed that one guy to try to get over T with but...... He doesn’t measure up as far as giving me attention and now I’m seeing that that’s an issue. So if it’s not one thing, it’s another. Your partner isn’t going to have 100% of the qualities that you want in someone or that you imagine them having. You cannot mold a person into your perfect vision of someone. I am not saying that I don’t have standards, because I do. But sometimes you have to just own up to your own shit too. I have to meet people where they are and work towards goal. In my head, though,  I did and I tried and it wasn’t processing. So I’m just confused as to why this is still an issue. I wonder if I should talk to someone professionally about it or if I should talk to T about it?? Probably not a good idea. Idk also I feel like he’s done with he BS ever since he turned 27 lmao like he’s #doneeezo.

2. Me thinking he wasn’t over the relationship: He deserves someone that doesn’t change their mind as much as me. I wish I could explain it. I wish I could show him that I really love and loved him and I wish he could be me and be in my head for a day to understand how conflicting it is. I was happy with T. We can literally talk 24/7. The feeling I feel like we both had so early on, I genuinely feel like I won’t feel that again. I know, maybe I am being dramatic. But it felt like a moooovviiee, like, starting a job and catching glances as your version of flirting and then building a slow sexual bond like it wasn't too fast but we got close quickly in terms of talking and chatting all day every day. It’s just... Hard to come by. 

Usually here I would say “anyways”.... But I really want to overcome this and stop being so emo about it. I think I’ll continue to come back to this post to edit and update....

8.24.20

so much going on en mi cabeza. 

one: im selfish as FUCK. to me sulking over us being over is... incredibly rude, if we’re being honest? it’s selfish to not let you go after I broke up with you, after I was on and off, after I didn't know what I wanted.

two: I can't stop thinking about “well what if I made the wrong decision” but also stuck between the fact that I need to trust myself and there were reasons for me breaking up with T. I just think maybe an honest conversation could have prevented it? maybe? I mean I dont know. I hope the new girl is the girl of his dreams :( actually I dont hope that fr like if im being honest, I wanted to continue to be his dream girl but that goes back to the first point, that im being selfish. how can I beg someone to love me but I cant decide on what I want for our future? abso-insane. but I do hope that one that I can be honest when I say “I hope he finds the girl of his dreams” but right now? right now im sad that it isn't me. its like you’re someones muse and then one day, you just aren't. its weird and its saddening.

three: im learning about myself at the same time. im learning so maybe trust my decisions or to not go back on them? maybe I should rely on my own judgment instead of questioning and then getting other people opinion’s involved?

four: the thing is,,,, (hey siri play Drink You Away by JT.) lmfao I feel like I cant distract myself. I dont drink a lot but if I do, I think about texting you but I know its not right. I haven't been smoking but when I do, I think about you because you didn't like it. I tried to date someone else and I still thought about you. I mean, what if I made the wrong decision about Alex, too? I think I just dont like hurting people’s feelings but hey, I didn't feel wanted or pursued fr so what's the harm in that? sorry I “gave up on you” but dont make me feel bad about it!

anyways, the whole point is that, Tony, I love and am in love with you. I wish I could apologize for not accepting you 100% how you were and for allowing it to go so long with it being that way. I should have accepted you. And the thing is, I thought I was but I also thought I could change somethings about you, or really I thought I would be the reason you would want to change. And that simply just isn’t how the earth rotates. im tired now, I cant think any more. ill be sad again tomorrow so im sure ill see ya soon, diary.

[halstxcn]

halston jade monroe dunne. eighteen.

hello this is the last you’ll hear from me rn. promise. 

this is halston, my bitchy lil babe. she’s a lowkey dick, but she does have a sweet side.

she’s 18 & one of the dunne kids. she was adopted when she was twelve, & bounced around foster care since she was six. she knows the system TOO well and hates everything about it.

she doesn’t really care if she offends you bc she has better things to worry about (herself) ((i hate her im sorry))

she hates school but she’s only going to please her dads. she doesn’t plan on going to college, she plans to get her cosmetology license and work in a salon bc she loooooves dyeing and cutting and playing with hair. she will do your hair if u pay her, never for free unless ur fucking her. shes not licensed, but she’s been doing hair for her friends and family since like. middle school lmfao

she REFUSES to talk about her life before adoption, like at all. if u mention childhoods at all she’s like. PEACE BYE and she is OUTie. gone. probably not coming back. it’s a super super sensitive subject for her and she would LITERALLY die before talkin about it w anyone except her best friend (hmu if u wanna plot this? idk)

if u insult her family she will HUNT YOU DOWN. even tho she’s not very nice, only SHE can fuck w them. especially her siblings, don’t u even think about bullying them bc she will fight u and probably win.

she fights a lot. always has.

she WILL be rude to you. even if she likes you

she doesn’t do the whole “““love””” thing. she fell in love once and it FUUUUUUCKED her up so she just. refuses

she instead now hooks up with anyone and everyone who is interested. after what seemed like her billionth hookup she decided, hey why not make money for this?? and ever since then she’s been charging ppl for hookups. she’s highkey a prostitute, but she manages herself so she doesn’t RLY consider herself one bc she doens’t have a pimp lollolol.

she love love love loves dogs and is planning to adopt one soon. if she likes u she will let u play w her puppy when she gets it. this will happen soon hopefully

she likes to cook but its like a secret hobby? her family knows and her old friends (aka from before she was “cool” in middle school) would know but any of her like party friends would prob be shook? she is rly good @ cookin 2. she’ll make you AMAZING drunk & munchies food and even better hangover food. 

idk what else rn tbh. i might come back and add more but i always say i will and never do so,,, no promises

pls dont hesistate to hmu if u wanna plot or just be pals!!

[feelslikejoon]

in a pickle

so not bts related BUT I need someone to help me calm down super badly lmfao sksk but i visited my cousins this weekend for a housewarming party and she invited some of her friends, naturally there were some dudes and they were really cool but there was like one dude who didn’t really talk but it was obvious he was social in school you know? irrelevant lmfao but like he didn’t introduce himself to me and all of the other guys did and it’s fine I didn’t care but like some time later into the party when I changed out of my indian clothes and into my American clothes (damn I’m so glad I brought nice clothes sksks) like istg he was looking at me but like not in a creepy way you know just like in a way IDK anywAYS i come into the room w my sister and my cousin and we’re like talking and I can see him I CAN SEE HIM looking at me thru my peripheral vision and idk what’s like up u know I was like “shit is there something on my face? am I ugly?? Didn’t your mom tell you it was rude to stare???” lmao I was so confused but then he asks if we wanna play cards and that’s when I REALLY saw his face and he wasn’t super cute ( my standards are ruined due To BTS) but he was cute and his face was so clear and his teeth were so gd white and I was like “YES I WILL PLAY” sksks I didn’t scream it but I said it so quickly ahHahHAH. Ok so we’re playing this game called scum and him and I are giving each other looks but DUDE IDK WHAT’S CONSIDERED FLIRTING AND WHAT’S CONSIDERED FRIENDLY OK IM NEW TO ANYONE EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO ME LMFAO but it’s like fun and all but then we start playing the card game ‘bs’and oh. my. fucking. god. It’s like I understood the true meaning of chemistry (I hate myself I’m so dramatic forgive me) like the whole time it felt like it was just me and him playing (ew I’m so sorry that’s so cringe lol) like he would keep giving me looks and would only try to see if I was bullshitting and he wanted to call me out but he never did. Like the first round I bs’d but he didn’t call me out but he knew and the second the other person went I started giggling cuz him and I both knew I didn’t actually put down the right card and he goes “shit I knew it” And he had this big goofy smile ::((( And he asked my name like a million times but it’s so fucking ironic I never got his and I AM SO FUCKING MAD and it makes me so sad cuz he was so sweet and nice and I’ll never see him again cuz he lives in another state so I did something. Obviously, duh. I stalked my cousins insta and I found his account and I freaked for an hour but I got peer pressured by like twelve of my friends to just full send that shit and request and so I fucking did and GUYS. It’s been 9 hours. 9 GODDAMN FUCKING HOURS AND HE HASNT ACCEPTED IM LOWKEY UPSET SKSKS LIKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING?? ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DYING TO SEE WHAT U LOOK LIKE ACCEPT MY REQUEST IVE NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS FOR A BOY. ugh yeah anyway he’s been on my mind for the last day and I lowkey miss him sksksksk I sound like such a creep I hung out w him for like three hours and I’m whipped bc of what??? He asked to play cards??? I’m delulu BUT IDC ANSWER MY REQUEST YOURE CUTE AND YOU MADE ME LAUGH JUST LIKE PLS DONT DO THIS TO ME IT WAS RLLY BOLD OF ME TO EVEN REQUEST YOU DONT EMBARRASS ME MAN ALL MY FRIENDS ARE WAITING,,, yeahhh so that’s that Um idk what the pt of this was besides that he was cute and I’m scared of rejection lol