#squishy purple turd

[numum]

very self indulgent doodle of an old fav 💜

[firefly-in-darkness]

GOTG: Christmas Vol.1

Characters: Star-Lord, Gamora, Drax, Rocket and Groot (Platonic).

Prompt: Secret Santa

Word Count: 1.6k

Warnings: Nothing really, a bit of fluffiness..

A/N: This is for @holy-captain‘s challenge for reaching a follower milestone - congratulations! It’s the first time I have written for the Guardians of the Galaxy, hope you enjoy it!

Firefly’s Library & Masterlist

The Milano had started to look festive; tinsel was draped around the spaceship’s panels, baubles were tentatively hooked over bolts and a sprig of mistletoe hung above one of the doors. 

Y/N hummed along to Step into Christmas as she decorated stockings with glitter glue until she was distracted by the scene unfolding beside her. She watched Peter approach Gamora, his cockiness oozed into the atmosphere from the way he stretched and leant against the wall, his arm braced above the assassin’s head.

Thwack! Peter held his cheek with one hand and pointed above them with the other, “It’s mistletoe, you big turd blossom!”

 After the catastrophe of mistletoe, the Guardians were given a rundown on different traditions including the nativity, advent calendars and gift giving. Rocket’s ears pricked up at the idea of gifts and Y/N suggested they all participate in Secret Santa.

“But what if I like the gift I get for someone else more than they will?” Rocket questioned.

“Well, you’re supposed to give it to your recipient. Not keep it for yourself.” Y/N smiled as his thoughts flickered across his face.

“But what if I want it more?” Rocket held out his hand as an ultimatum. 

“Then I would keep it and get them something different.” Y/N patted Rocket on the head and returned her focus back to the decorations.

Peter was not impressed about ugly christmas jumpers, the offence was evident on his face as Y/N handed him a jumper, not too dissimilar from the one he wore as a kid. 

“Ha!” Rocket barked and shook his head.

“You must be so embarrassed!” Drax pointed at Quill, his body rocked with his laughter.

Groot huffed, rolled his eyes and continued to play the gameboy without any further response.

Y/N couldn’t help the happy tears that dropped as her hand held out the hat with each of the Guardians’ names on folded paper. “Enough guys, you need to pick someone!” 

  They all separated to various parts of the spaceship, thinking about what the recipient would like from their Secret Santa. Over the course of several days, the Guardians visited various planets to make sure they were prepared for Christmas day.

Y/N had picked Gamora and immediately knew a leather cuff would be a perfect addition to her outfit. At different times, the presents were left under the decorated arm that Groot had donated. 

 *

 Today was the day that the Guardian’s of the Galaxy would receive their gifts from their Secret Santa. Y/N and Rocket ate breakfast together in their matching reindeer antler headbands and were soon joined by Gamora wearing an elf hat. Y/N flicked on the music and the Jackson 5’s I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus filled the room.

“Drax, why aren’t you ready for Secret Santa?” Y/N was puzzled, she had left a christmas themed outfit for everyone and had picked Drax to be Santa. 

Drax’s unblinkingly responded, “You said I am Santa, so if I wear it, it won’t be a secret anymore.”

Rocket put his head in his hand, “Urgh, this is like the time you thought you were invisible because you were standing still.”

“Drax, just put the hat on.” Gamora sighed and handed over the red hat with the white fluffy trim and bobble.

With one look at Y/N’s face and her crossed arms, he had learnt it was best to try and make her smile so Drax pulled it onto his head, “Ho ho ho! Is that right?”

She giggled and relaxed her arms before she called out to Groot, “Time to put the game down.”

With a huff, Groot put it away and adjusted the handmade star on his head. The unenthusiastic action did not go unmissed but Y/N chose to ignore it.

“Cmon, it's supposed to be fun and a family thing.” Y/N tried to jeer him into the festive spirit before she turned to place the presents on the table.

“I am Groot.” Mumbled the teenager.

“At least you don't have to wear these stupid antlers.” Rocket whispered to Groot.

“This hat is itchy.” Complained Drax as he pulled it around his head.

Y/N could hear the conversation behind her and tears pricked in her eyes. Before they could fall, she rushed past Peter and down into the sleeping quarters.

  “What did you do?” Peter glared and questioned the other guardians.

Rocket raised his arms in defense, “Why are you looking at me?” 

“Because upsetting Y/N is something a trash panda would do!”

Groot shrugged and continued to play his game whilst Drax ate his Zarg-nuts.

“You're all a bunch of idiots.” Gamora sighed, “Y/N wanted a special day and you've ruined it.”

Rocket scratched at the back of his neck, Drax hung his head in shame and Groot kicked at the ground. The three of them uncertain what to say or do.

  **

“Alright, Guardians, don’t forget this is for Y/N. Let’s put on our happy faces!”

Y/N could hear Quill’s pep talk and stifled a giggle behind the closed panel to the sleeping quarters, what were they up to?! She pulled the panel to see her friends dressed up in their christmas outfits holding various shaped presents.

Quill rubbed the back of his neck, “We realised you deserved better so you don’t have a Secret Santa, you have us crazy bunch of jerks.”

Y/N’s chest swelled with pride at the thought they had put into this, her smile didn’t falter as they walked to the table and chairs. “Thank you. Now let’s open these gifts!”

The Guardians took to their assigned seats with their stockings draped over the chairs and crackers set down on the table. Peter flicked on the sound system, Bruce Springsteen echoed through the speakers; You better watch out, you better not cry…

They all revealed their presents at once. Rocket was given a box of scrap metal and Groot had a new watering can. Gamora placed the cuff on her wrist with a twinkle in her eye, Drax had nearly munched his way through the pack of different flavoured Zarg-nuts as Peter placed his new troll doll at the front of the spaceship.

  Y/N looked at her gifts, Groot hadn’t wrapped his present but that did not make it any less perfect. Y/N placed the woven twigs and flowers on her head and kissed his cheek. She was uncertain which one to open next when Rocket nudged his closer and she snorted as he winked at her. The paper was ripped away to a metal box with a clasp at the front as she opened it, music filtered into the room. A soft melody played and tears welled in her eyes. She grabbed Rocket into a big hug and refused to let go as he squirmed.

“Thank you Rocket,” Y/N eventually let him go and placed a kiss to the top of his head. 

He blushed and turned to the side, “You’re welcome.”

  Gamora stood beside Y/N and handed her gift over. It was neatly wrapped and a bow had been placed at the top. She pulled at the string and unravelled the paper to reveal a jewelled dagger. Similar to Gamora’s one, yet, the red stones were dotted with Y/N’s favourite colour gems. Y/N clutched it to her chest in happiness and silently thanked Gamora with a huge smile then leant against the assassin’s hip.

Gamora stroked her hair, “You needed something more, you when we fight for the galaxy.”

  Drax walked around from the other side of his table and leant on the back of Y/N’s chair and held out the present he had wrapped with his other hand. She took it from him, it was oddly shaped and squishy. It made her hesitate to open it and she peeled away the paper slowly at first but as soon as she saw the purple of the fruit from a village they had visited recently visited, she tore the paper apart. Even though the present was the equivalent of an orange on Earth, it was the best fruit in the galaxy she had ever tried. 

Y/N squeezed Drax’s hand, “This is really thoughtful. Thank you.”

Drax grinned then patted her head as he left to go back to his seat. Quill shuffled in his seat to face Y/N and placed a surprisingly neatly wrapped present on the table in front of her.

She raised her eyebrow, “Did you wrap this?!”

He scoffed and shrugged his shoulders but did not give her an answer.

With pursed lips, Y/N loosened the taped corners to reveal a worn copy of Mary Poppins. The pages were dog-eared and stained in places, yet, the smell of the pages filled Y/N’s senses and it felt like home.

  Y/N thought of how different her life could have been if she had been brought up on Earth, not in space. Or if she didn’t spend all of her time with a bunch of criminals. Yet, here she was, with the best family she could have wished for.

  The Guardians noticed the way Y/N’s smile returned and she began to glow once more. 

She was the star of their Christmas family tree.

[operationrainfall]

Title The Legend of Bum-Bo: Bum-Bo Want Coin! Developer Edmund McMillen, James Interactive Publisher Edmund McMillen Release Date November 12th, 2019 Genre Rogue, Match-3, RPG Platform Steam Age Rating N/A Official Website

There was never any question that I would be the person reviewing The Legend of Bum-Bo for the oprainfall site. After all, I quickly became a convert to The Binding of Isaac in recent years, which was also created by Edmund McMillen. Unlike that game, The Legend of Bum-Bo is a rogue dungeon crawler styled game with match-3 mechanics and brutal difficulty. Despite all that, it looks and plays much like fans of McMillen’s art would expect. The question is, did it blow away this Binding of Isaac fanboy? Or should Bum-Bo have stayed home with his coin?

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The Legend of Bum-Bo is a prequel of sorts to Binding of Isaac. We play the hapless partner from that game, Bum-Bo himself. He was a strange character even then, starting as a floating head who eats coins and slowly evolves into a more robust form. The only thing this iteration has in common with that version is his love of coins. In fact, the story starts when Bum-Bo’s lone coin is stolen by some sinister force, and Bum-Bo races into the sewers after it. Thus begins this twisted tale of vengeance, comedy and twisted storytelling.

Unlike The Binding of Isaac, this game is not a twin-stick. It’s still rogue, but more of a mixture of dungeon crawling and match-3 with rogue elements everywhere. I started to envision it as Puzzle Quest with McMillen flair, since you match pieces on the board to initiate attacks and collect Mana to activate spells. There’s 5 different primary types of Mana, and as you might expect, they’re all pretty gross. There’s Yellow Mana (pee), Brown Mana (poo), Green Mana (boogers), White Mana (bones) and Black Mana (teeth). By matching 4 or more of any of them, you’ll be rewarded with something helpful, but not always an attack. White and Black Mana are turned into attacks, with Bum-Bo flinging bones or teeth at foes respectively. Brown and Green Mana are defensive in nature. Matching enough Brown creates a turd wall that blocks an attack, while matching Green hurls a gooey booger at foes, paralyzing them for a turn. Finally, Yellow Mana will provide energy, making it the most vital of all Mana. The reason is, most every version of Bum-Bo in the game only has a limited amount of energy, which translates to how many moves you can make each turn on the puzzle board. Thankfully this doesn’t restrict your spells, which can be cast again and again so long as you have enough Mana. At first I was bothered by having such a limited amount of actions each turn, but it turned out to be a wise decision, since it forced me to be more strategic and not just go for attacks every turn.

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Speaking of multiple Bum-Bos, there’s more than one “class” in The Legend of Bum-Bo. They sort of split Bum-Bo into multiple variations, each with different stats and spells available. You start as Bum-Bo the Brave. He’s pretty basic, having the most health and hitting adequately hard. He starts with one spell that does damage using White Mana and another that rerolls the puzzle board using Black Mana. Frankly he was my least favorite, but a good starting point. Afterwards I unlocked Bum-Bo the Nimble, essentially the thief version with a rapid attack spell, followed by Bum-Bo the Stout, a hefty beast whose Mana pool drains at the end of each turn, forcing you to play super aggressively, followed by my favorite, Bum-Bo the Weird. On paper, Bum-Bo the Weird looks horrible. He has the lowest health of the starting group and his strength is nothing amazing. What makes him my favorite is that whenever Weird kills an enemy, he gains more energy, which means he can move again. When you combine that with his spells that create more of a selected Mana on the board or removes all of a specific Mana to fling it at the foe as a puzzle piece, you start to see how amazing he is. There’s other classes too, but I don’t want to spoil everything. Suffice to say, much like The Binding of Isaac, there’s a lot to do even once you think you’ve totally beaten the game, including some really insane achievements.

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The one bit of advice I’ll give players is to pay close attention to the character select screen, since the passive abilities of each Bum-Bo are spelled out there, but only there. I was initially confused about this, but after playing for some 14 hours, every quirk of each character became second nature. Which is a good thing, since The Legend of Bum-Bo is a hard game. Though that’s hardly unusual in the rogue genre, I will say this game can take it to new heights on occasion. It’s very easy to die only a couple rooms into any run, and each and every boss can wipe the floor with you if you’re not prepared. Hell, even the basic enemies can throttle you, but a lot depends on the RNG that provides your free trinkets and upgrades. Each chapter is peppered with a few battles, and in between you’ll get a freebie. These items will give your chosen Bum-Bo new spells, or even single use items like Tarot cards on occasion. You can only have so many spells at a time, and if you get a new one when you’re full, you’ll have to swap it out for an old one. Another way you can improve your chances is with the Stat Wheel. Once you beat a chapter by defeating a boss, you’ll find yourself in a strange area full of vendors, including a Vanna White looking lady. By spending 15 coins, you can spin her Wheel and improve your stats. I can’t express enough how important this is. You can get more health, more energy, or even boost how much damage your puzzle matches and spell attacks deal. Besides that, you can spend more money to reroll your various spell parameters, such as Mana cost, or try your luck to win a new trinket. So you do have some control over how your game progresses, but never quite enough to feel you’re totally unbeatable.

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I should probably spend some time discussing the primary loop of the game. At the start, there’s just one chapter and one Bum-Bo. By beating it, you’ll unlock another Bum-Bo. Beat the next chapter with the unlocked character, and you’ll unlock another chapter, rinse and repeat. Each chapter is punctuated by several floors full of enemies, and you have to beat them all to reach the boss. As I said earlier, you have to match at least 4 of the same Mana to do anything, though by matching 5 or more, you’ll get more powerful effects. For example, if you match 5 White Mana, you’ll get two bone tosses instead of just one, whereas matching 5 Black Mana throws a more harmful tooth at foes. If you’re able to match more than 6, you’ll get a floor-clearing mega attack, though I usually stumbled upon those. Another important mechanic are the lanes. There’s three lanes that enemies can move on, and they’ll generally get close before readying an attack. This is referred to as Priming, and you can tell it’s gonna happen when you see an exclamation mark above an enemy. You want to kill them quick or block their attack the following turn. It’s just important to keep in mind that you always attack the foes in the front and at the highest altitude of each lane first. Meaning if there’s a fly hovering above another enemy’s head, it will take the attack first. There’s also Hearts (Red Mana) you can match to heal yourself on the puzzle board, though finding these is so rare that I ended up relying on spells and items to heal myself. Especially since matching 4 Red Mana only rewards you with half a heart. If you’re lucky, you find a wildcard, which can match with anything. I liked the combat in the game, though it can be frustrating only having a couple moves each turn. That’s a huge part of why I loved Bum-Bo the Weird, since he was able to effectively attack again and again in a single turn.

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Aesthetically, The Legend of Bum-Bo is quite interesting. The whole game has a handmade cardboard cut-out aesthetic. Think a demonic Paper Mario, and you’re on the right track. Everything is made out of cardboard, even the stalactites in caverns or burning flame foes. Thankfully I didn’t find this off putting, as it meshed well with McMillen’s cute yet creepy art style. Color-wise the game is dark and dreary, which fits it to a tee. Musically, the game has different tracks for each chapter, and they all do a good job. That’s probably because they’re by Ridiculon, who also did the music for Binding of Isaac. So if you liked the tunes in that game, you’ll enjoy it here too. Besides the music, there’s good sound effects, such as the various grunts of Bum-Bo or the squishy sound of worms firing projectiles. Altogether, The Legend of Bum-Bo is great looking and sounding.

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While I did very much enjoy my time with The Legend of Bum-Bo, there’s a few minor niggles I need to mention. One is that the game’s initial tutorial doesn’t explain many of the advanced mechanics, such as some of the lane strategy or additional effects for matching extra Mana. A larger annoyance is that you can’t save your progress in one run and return to it later. I was frankly really surprised by this, especially given how The Binding of Isaac allowed this feature, as well as Seeds to replay runs. While this isn’t a huge problem, since most complete runs won’t take you longer than a half hour or so, it still was a constant irritation. Also, I absolutely hate the blue and purple enemies, which are immune to spells and puzzle attacks respectively. And though I didn’t encounter much in the way of bugs or glitches, one run I was inexplicably unable to hit one type of worm enemy with attacks or spells, and had to restart my game. Other than these, I really found the experience quite enjoyable.

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It’s true that The Legend of Bum-Bo isn’t for everyone. It’s demented, crude, immature and hard as hell. And yet, it’s crazy addictive, fun and very compelling. If you don’t mind losing a lot and like a game with good strategy, I think you’ll enjoy it. I know I loved my time with it, and found it an incredible bargain for only $14.99. I wasn’t sure what to expect from this prequel to The Binding of Isaac, but should have known I’d end up appreciating it. Especially the super clever ending you’ll get once you beat the Basement for the first time. If you’re a fan of rogue or Edmund McMillen’s work, you’ll find a lot to enjoy in the darkness with Bum-Bo.

[easyreview cat1title=”Overall” cat1detail=”” cat1rating=”4.5″]

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REVIEW: The Legend of Bum-Bo Title The Legend of Bum-Bo: Bum-Bo Want Coin!