#still find it weird that he doesn't think of his father who supposedly exists even on the brink of death

[delawaredetroit]

Genuinely, this fight with Muscular was Horikoshi's best work in terms of establishing visceral terror.

Izuku's anxiety is palpable with his thoughts racing throughout this fight. He starts apologizing to his mom and All Might because he legitimately feels he is on the brink of death.

It's unfortunate that some of the recent arcs haven't been able to replicate this feeling of terror despite the stakes being objectively higher on paper

[characteroulette]

A study on prosecutors -- (previous) (next)

Second, Franziska.

Franziska is a really, really interesting case. Not only is she someone who is coloured by our experiences with our two previous prosecutors (Edgeworth and Manfred), she's also the prosecutor we spend the least amount of time in trial against. Her debut game has her headlining only two of the four trials. She gets exactly one more trial in the next game and even then, it's a single day and not even against Phoenix. She has the least amount of time to make her impression on us, and so every single moment she's onscreen has to count.

And boy, do they ever make it count!

Gumshoe is, once again, our introduction to her presence. I find it a bit weird that they leave enough room for ambiguity on whether or not Manfred's kid is his son or something. Playing with the player's expectations, I guess? It's weird but I guess it's brushed over completely once Franziska is revealed, so it's not too much of a sticking point.

But then we meet her in court and she is as absolutely as much of a menace as advertised. She's as much in control of the proceedings as her father, using her whip instead of his iron fist, and focused wholly on perfection. You get a real bases on what growing up as Manfred's protege would be like from her mannerisms; she acts like a princess, like the only person in the room with any importance, and she wears it proudly. You can't help but admire how much of a bastard she presents herself as. She's willing to get in there and do the work herself rather than relying on anyone else; what a first impression to make.

This is, of course, helped along by her dubiously legal steps. She hides the existence of the second photo, she presents a completely illegal photo only to then claim that it's not actual evidence she's presenting. Her brazen display of dirty tactics is infuriating, it's a reflection on her father's own ruthlessness. It even puts into perspective Edgeworth's own ruthlessness, though he certainly never stepped this far past the line of legality. At least, the way he was presented to us, it never felt like he actually did anything illegal.

The key point, though, is that she makes us feel helpless. About as helpless as Manfred did (and maybe Edgeworth in 1-2, though your mileage may vary on that one). Our immediate response should be to treat her just as hostilely, to suspect her of falling to some sort of ruin just the same as her father.

But then, day two of the trial arrives. And instead of fighting tooth and nail, Franziska starts to go along for the ride.

You might not think anything of it at first. Phoenix certainly doesn't. She's still biting, still snapping and forcing you to prove every argument you throw out there. She isn't one to yield so easily, she demands perfection even when you're unravelling her supposedly perfect case. And yet, with each push, she gives in just enough to allow you footholds. She sees your logic and doesn't discount it. She even follows along, agrees with you as you piece together this mystery.

She's more willing to work with you than you ever expected considering her demeanour in that first trial day. She's just as interested in figuring out the whole truth as you are. It really surprised me, going back to this game and seeing just how willing she is to follow your working out the mystery. She's so agreeable that second day that it speaks of some knowledge, some spot of light in her that flares up in defiance of every method Manfred ever used. She's still too close to the line of illegal, she's still willing to get into some dirty methods herself, but she's not willfully blind to the truth. She's able to understand that what you're proposing makes sense.

She's still a child. She's barely an adult and it shows that she's in far less danger than Manfred or Edgeworth were to that looming darkness.

(Is it her inexperience? Is it her headstrong defiance of falling into the same trap her father did? No matter the reasoning, it makes her less of an antagonist than she should be seen as. It makes it clear that we can reach her, that she's not someone to condemn in the same way we did Manfred.)

We can't really begin to trust her. Not yet. She's a wild card, she's still threatening to crush us under her heel.

But she has more humanity by the end of this trial than Edgeworth or Manfred displayed at the end of their first appearances. And before we know it, we're susceptible to being endeared to her as someone we could form an allyship with.

Case three is kind of a mess overall, but I appreciate Franziska's presence in it keeping these crazy clowns on track. For the most part, at least. She whips even Phoenix into staying focused when Ben, Trilo, and Moe would force us into a detour. Perhaps it's a smart choice in contrasting her with these characters, as it makes her a lot more reasonable looking after her introduction. Yeah, she did something pretty illegal to prove Maya's spirit channelling technique, but she's also taking no nonsense from these clowns and it goes a long way towards me appreciating her presence here in this case. (Anything to get through this painful first day, really.) I really can't blame her for manipulating Moe's testimony because she would have to be crazy to let him explain to the court how he saw the culprit fly off into the sky.

And then we run into her at the crime scene during the investigation and her motivations become loud and clear.

There was a sort of suspicion from the beginning, of course. Phoenix and Maya both told her that seeking revenge for her father made no sense and each time she made no comment towards it. She simply brushed it off and continued on as if they never mentioned her father.

But here, she explains it's not for her father she's doing any of this. It's for Edgeworth.

Edgeworth, whom she believes can't be dead.

It's a brilliant moment, really, tying her in a sibling rivalry sort of dance with our previous rival turned ally. It really informs how her mannerisms and her approach to trials can be so similar and yet so different to Manfred's. How she can be so obsessed with perfection and yet allow us to figure out the truth to each case. She's a perfect blend of both of them and suddenly she's the little sister, the one left behind, the one chasing after something that no longer really exists.

It's almost tragic, really. I started liking her in this moment; understanding a character can go a long way towards endearing you to them.

The second day of the trial is much the same as the second day of case 2's. Franziska is far too willing to allow us to theorise on what happened, challenging us enough to make us prove what we're saying. Her incredulousness at the reveal of the actual method of murder is warranted, but she can do nothing else but acquiesce to the truth of it all.

She's a sore loser. Another flaw in her perfect veneer. Where as in the second trial it was infuriating, this time it's enough to make you feel sorry for her. Someone overstepped her authority, she shot herself in the foot by figuring out the truth and trapping the true culprit in an unwinnable scenario. It was Edgeworth pulling some strings, but she still went right along with it, convinced she was absolutely right.

Thus, we come to the final case of her debut.

It should have been suspicious, looking back, how much of her we saw during the initial investigation. She's running herself to overdrive in order to win this case. Her previous two losses sting far too much; she's willing to fire Gumshoe for it, to charge recklessly ahead, to make a deal that could have killed a woman just to get her victory. Her complicated relationship with Edgeworth comes out in full force with his appearance and oof there is so much good stuff there with him and Phoenix in this scene. (As an aside, I really love how this case portrays Phoenix barely holding himself back from having a panic attack when Maya is kidnapped. It's so good how it portrays his vision going, how it portrays him freezing up, how he can barely hold himself together. Chef's kiss, delicious, I love it, that's got nothing to do with Franziska's character portrayal lol.) She is continually running away from us in this investigation and it shows how doggedly she's working on setting up all her pieces just to topple us.

And, hey! You know the quickest way to endear us to someone we're nearly convinced on? Just have them get shot!

In all seriousness, it is a shocking moment, hearing that De Killer's "gift" to us was having her shot. It sets up an immediate reversal of roles; yes, we never planned for this, we didn't even ask for this, but we're the ones employing the barely legal tactics now. We're the ones who have some dirty methods clinging to the backs of our minds in our efforts to win at all costs.

Being cast in the same light as she was in that second trial is another great moment of understanding. Suddenly, you can't fully blame her for what she does. Condemning her would mean condemning ourselves, even when the circumstances are vastly different. At least, that's certainly how I felt. I can't blame her for her illegal tactics when I'm out here with a gun to my head. It's the same sort of pressure, isn't it? To be hounded by an perfectionist who accepts only victory. To be hounded by an assassin with a noose around our girl's neck.

Clearly, Phoenix also understands this on some level. Otherwise, why would he take her flowers when going to visit her in the hospital? (Phoenix is such a kind person he's even willing to make nice to someone who whipped him into unconsciousness. Another point towards endearing Franziska to us, really.)

The ending of this case and Franziska's big damn hero moment really seal the deal. She comes in at the last second with everything we need both to prove Engarde's guilt and save Maya from De Killer. Her inability to understand our joy afterwards also speaks of a want for growth, a want to chase this light we've shown her, but her headstrong nature won't allow it. Her conversation with Edgeworth at the airport really seals the deal, too. She's become our ally, whether she wanted to or not.

Honestly, I think she's all the more fascinating for her stalwart refusal to admit that she's as endeared to us as we are to her. She's the type of character I've grown to love writing, so she definitely made her impression on me with this.

Her appearance in the next game is such a triumph, too. She's the same headstrong, defiant wild card, but she's accepted her position as our ally. She speaks of crushing Phoenix, of finally having her chance to battle against him and Edgeworth, yet it's undeniable how much fun she's having while we walk around with her. It's undeniable how she's working with Edgeworth in the same manner she did on the second day of her trials when fighting Edgeworth in court. She's here and she's going to make it our problem in an affectionate way.

Anyway yeah I love Franziska she's such a fun character.

[flowerbloom-arts]

Omnishambles

Chapter 2

In which I wake up too early and find myself unbelievably miserable and alone, Moomin is being rude from his own issues and impatience, and Hodgkins talks longer than usual.

-

Prolog | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[Features Muddler, Hodgkins and Moomin. Full of angst (with a tiny bit of comedy). Around 4.5 k words long.]

🥀

I eventually woke up from a nightmare I couldn't remember and my bed felt a bit damp, likely because I was wearing my hot layered day clothes rather than the bathrobes I wear as pajamas. I blinked a few times because everything was an odd blueish darkness, I wasn't sure if it was something wrong with my eyes or mind or whatever thing that could cause this.

I sat up and rubbed my eyes thoroughly and looked up around me. Things were still dark but I could see the outline of the others sleeping on their beds…

It's… it's nighttime. I woke up in the middle of the night. Of course. Why would I think it was otherwise? I slept at, like, what? The afternoon or whatever it's called? I knew the sun was still up, I wasn't very good at knowing what certain times of day are called, or when they happen based on the position of the sun.

I observed a bit longer, not sure what to do at this time. Do I go back to sleep? No, I wasn't sleepy. Do I get out of bed? … Maybe? I might wake up the crew or mess something up though, they'd be so panicked to find I was gone from my bed as well. Then again I could also get some chores done, but I'm not sure if I'm in the mood to do chores… or if I'm really able to do them at all in fact… it… it doesn't hurt to try, does it? It doesn't hurt. It shouldn't. It won't. I could… I could do it.

I had to.

But first I had to stop feeling so hot, it's making me feel like I can't breathe, even my pillow seemed to have absorbed the sweat from my head. Are my clothes still on me? I can't see them on account of them also being as invisible as myself.

I searched around my chest for my coat's top button and got painfully reminded how much I despised my own body for how much it despises me. Like oh, of course I just couldn't be a normal man, no no, I had to be a clumsy biological mix up, a natural mistake! I had to be a muddled mess by birth and I had to go from a supposedly happy child – that's what Hodgkins told me I was, atleast – to a teenager who was too scared to get touched by anyone but his uncle lest the other person finds out and calls me a freak. I'm not even a complete Muddler. My father is… I don't know what to call him, nor do I remember what he looks like, but I think he's relatively close to Hodgkins, right? He has to be.

And that's why my eyes are weird and blue, that's why I'm freakishly tall, that's why I'm so sickly and full of pain all the time, that's why I'm so clumsy and dumb, hybrids like me tend to not come out too right. I can't hide my eyes, but at the very least I can hide my chest and my size. It didn't change the fact that my whole back and legs felt like heck to walk with but at least I could feel like I seemed acceptable to Joxter… oh and to think what everyone else would do if they knew two socially unacceptable men were in love! This is why we haven't told Moomin about it and we plan to never will… and I'm lucky to have an accepting uncle, even if he doesn't get romance…

It makes my skin crawl to think that fate has bestowed upon me a constant series of tantalizing conundrums where I'm only halfway acceptable in any aspect you look at. Whatever did I do to exist like this? Was it the fault of my parents? Did they do something wrong and I had to endure the punishment? It would make sense given everything that has happened to me… but… they wouldn't do something horrible enough for the punishment to be this bad, would it? They would never, so therefore I have to be the cause of it, there's simply no way justice would operate like that. Unless it isn't that bad and I'm being terribly ungrateful like I always am… I don't have a right to complain… this is why all of this should only ever stay in my head…

… what was I meant to do again? Ah yes, take off my coat. At least now I wouldn't have to deal with looking at myself and being reminded of everything aforementioned, I guess that's one upside I could take away from this.

I managed to find my invisible coat button and move it through the invisible hole. I did the same with my three over buttons and partially became free of the terrible heating it caused. I went ahead and took it off by my sleeves and dropped it on the bed.

Odd thing though, it faded into view, and the coat became invisible again, unlike me. Or at least I think it became visible, it's still difficult to see in the dark. I removed my scarf with the safety pin attached as well since it made my neck uncomfortably hot like that coat, the thing also came into view as I took it off from myself.

I moved my blanket aside and got out of bed, I almost stood up straight but my legs buckled into the crouching stance I taught them to stand in for a long time now. I turned to look at my bed, all messy and wrinkly from what I could perceive in the darkness. I considered for a good few seconds whether I should make my bed right then and there and even picked up my coat, but… uhm… y- you know what? It would be better if I had my coffee first and also waited until some sunshine could come through and my crew would be awake so I wouldn't be bothering them with my noise… yes. But wouldn't they also think I was being irresponsible and not looking after myself because I didn't make my bed…?

Actually, I should make a note explaining all of that! That way, they wouldn't be worried and they wouldn't think I was being dumb! And they'll think I was being considerate!! It's perfect!

I tiptoed from my bed to the little desk Hodgkins kept all his writing and drawing material at. I squatted down and opened one of the drawers carefully and felt my paw around to find some paper and pens.

Then I halted. Wouldn't this be considered stealing? Should it? … I'm… I'm sure Hodgkins will forgive me if I used just one piece of paper, right? Right…? I continued searching.

I found some paper at last, then the pen I found in another drawer. I got up from my squatting position and put the paper down on the desk. My eyes were adjusted to the darkness by now to see what I'm writing hopefully, so I put the pen to paper and wrote:

“ ”

… I said I wrote:

“ ”

… why isn't the pen writing anything? Is the ink run out?

“ ”

“ ”

“ ”

Maybe I should try a different pen-

“ ”

Why isn't it working??? Are all these pens broken!?

“ ”

What in Walter Hunt's name-!?

“ ”

… Does fate legitimately hate me?

“ ”

I'm done. This isn't working, I'm probably doing something wrong with these pens, but whatever, I can't seem to use any of them and I am too tired to figure it out now… I need my coffee.

I gave up and left the desk a mess of pens, I'd deal with it later, I thought. I almost forgot to put on my saucepan but thankfully I remembered before I left the sleeping quarters and ventured into the pantry.

I lit up the oil lamp hanging on the ceiling using a convenient long match close to the entrance and looked through the tin cupboard and tried looking for where the coffee tins were, maybe I should organize the pantry soon… I pulled one out and looked at the label;

Hills Bros Coffee™

The tin was red and had a little bearded old dude in a yellow dress drinking coffee on it, little texts at the sides of him said 'The Original Vacuum Pack' and 'Red Can Brand', the tin was unremarkable otherwise.

I was overcome with… hatred for this thing. The red shade of this cylinder mocked me somehow, it knew what I had been through and it made fun of me for it. I didn't know if it was brand loyalty, the fact I just lost my blue coffee tin just yesterday, or I simply hated the color red now, I simply knew I wanted to throw this tin can to the ground and crushed it under my foot, even if I didn't feel such a strong hatred for this kind of tin before, I hated it now and I wanted it out of my sight.

My paw shook with it in hand and I quickly slammed it back in place. Actually no, I slid it into the far back of the cupboard and picked up another, less offensive tin. It didn't matter what brand it was, I just didn't want it to be red.

Making coffee on this boat was absolutely hellish. Clean water was one thing but boiling it required patience I simply did not have at the time, so I settled for lukewarm coffee. I still felt tired and bad and terrible. And tired. And terrible…

Why did it have to be so bad? It would've been better if I just stayed in bed and not have to be frustrated going through all of that…

Nobody else even opened their eyes yet and I already had one of the worst mornings I can remember, the sun isn't up yet-

Oh, wait no, I peeked over to the entrance and I can see some sunshine coming through, Hodgkins and Moomin should be waking up now, early birds that they are. I took a quick sip of my coffee and dashed back down into the sleeping quarters with careful steps.

I gently placed the coffee on the desk and went to try and fix my bed but… then I lost motivation as soon as I picked up my coat.

I suddenly didn't want to fix my bed anymore. I lowered my paws and lost my grip. The coat fell back onto the bed and I felt like not doing anything. I fell quiet in my mind, and I sat down with my body taking up as little space as possible, waiting for everyone else to wake up. I should have cleaned up the desk… but I didn't.

The sun hit my uncle's eyes and he woke up slowly, I tensed up as he looked at my direction, squinting. He seemed confused for a second and then remembered yesterday, he groaned and got up, half disappointed that I'm still an issue they have to fix. He looked around and saw the mess I've made of the desk and my own bed, he then looked at my saucepan and tried to greet me very forgivingly; "Good morning," in a still sleepy tone.

He got up to survey the crime scene I had concocted while they were asleep, looking inside the empty coffee mug I left on the desk, then the paper and pens. He didn't seem all that bothered, or maybe he's wondering all sorts of things about how and why his desperate and poor little nephew would do this, one can't tell with this man.

He walked over to my bed and picked up the scarf curiously, then he asked my saucepan "Your clothes from yesterday?"

I nodded.

He took out the safety pin that held it in a loop and threw it on my bed and looked at my saucepan again. "Hold still, testing something," he said quietly and squatted in front of me. He put the scarf on me from behind my neck and let it hang on me for a bit.

The invisibility bled from the part of the scarf touching my neck down to the ends of it, it completely disappeared after a few moments, then he took it off of me and it faded back again.

Hodgkins looked at the scarf in his paws, he furrowed his brow and hummed. "Perhaps we should try clothes you haven't worn," he suggested.

Then we heard Moomin groan as he got up from his bed, he rubbed his eyes and saw us already awake. He seemed confused as well but then had the realization and scoffed, annoyed. He climbed out of bed and mumbled "Morning captain," to Hodgkins and then glanced at my saucepan with irritation "Muddler," he added with some disgust in his voice, or at least I'm pretty sure it was disgust.

"What did we discuss yesterday?" Hodgkins asked indignantly.

Moomin sighed and pinched the bridge between his eyes "Right, right, erm…" he looked up at my saucepan. "I'm sorry about yesterday, and… the rest of this whole boat trip… I'll make an effort to be nicer to you from now on." he said and Hodgkins only nodded in response.

He wasn't being sincere, was he? Hodgkins definitely told him to say that to me. He didn't like me one bit and I knew he didn't hide it. He thought I was everything I thought myself to be, which means it's probably true, right? That I was dumb and clumsy and worthless – that's one thing I knew we agreed on, I'm too scared to talk to him and find out what else he thinks.

"Anyway," Moomin continued and turned away with his paws behind his back. "I suppose we should have some breakfast soon, since Muddler is dealing with his…" he gestured vaguely towards me "Situation…" he completed and turned away again "I'll kindly take it upon myself to cook breakfast for the crew! I may not compare to Muddler when it comes to cooking in the eyes of some but I believe it to be the right thing to do in such a distressing time for the rest of you! … except the little Nibling, he doesn't seem too in touch with the tension of everything."

My heart sank into the mattress of my bed as I felt terrible for having someone else take over my duties, Joxter did promise me yesterday but hearing that moomin say it and knowing it's going to happen practically right now gives me an aching feeling in my stomach, or maybe it was the bad coffee from earlier…

Moomin made some oatmeal for breakfast. It was honestly strange having food given to me by a stranger. We didn't frequent restaurants or cafes very much, I wasn't used to having food handed to me by a practical stranger.

I sat on the floor at the corner between the doubled stairway, it was where my tin used to sit and I would eat whatever I could alone in there, but it's not there anymore. Yet I still sat there, staring at my food and trying my hardest to force myself to eat but I couldn't even make myself lift the spoon and dig into it. I sat pathetically for a while, and Moomin eventually noticed.

"Do you… not like oatmeal?" Moomin asked with concern.

I did like oatmeal, it was an alright breakfast most days and I wanted to say as much, but it's hard to tell if I should nod or shake my head at such a question; 'Yes I don't like oatmeal' and 'No I don't like oatmeal' are practically the same answer, how should I decide? I simply stared at him, not knowing how to respond otherwise.

Moomin was puzzled at my non-response and the realization hit him, it seemed he took it as me waiting for him to rephrase the question for a better response; "Ah, sorry, I meant do you like oatmeal?"

I nodded.

"Then why haven't you eaten it yet? Do you just not get hungry when you're invisible? Hodgkins explained part of it to me after we left the lower deck yesterday – since, well, I didn't know about it – but he said he doesn't know much about it either, so," Moomin explained.

I think I just didn't have an appetite, even if I should eat something right now. I didn't get to eat dinner yesterday either, I should be starving by now.

Moomin paused and looked down thoughtfully. "Oh it's going to be difficult having to ask just yes-or-no questions…" he mumbled and looked back at me "Er, are you hungry?"

I nodded.

"Do you want something else for breakfast?"

I shook my head. I shouldn't trouble him with preparing something else for me anyway.

"Then there shouldn't be an issue!" Moomin snapped "Back in my old orphanage my principal would make us eat the most bland boiled vegetables out of her garden, at the very least this oatmeal has some flavour!"

I shrunk into the corner and felt so terribly ungrateful at that moment, Moomin had it so bad for his childhood and what little I remembered of mine was decent enough. Hodgkins was good, Moomin's principal was awful, I shouldn't even be feeling so terrible all the time… gosh… I'm so dumb…

My paw shook as I tried to scoop up some of the oatmeal and it shook even more violently as I tried to shove it in my mouth. I felt Moomin's gaze on me and it pinned me to the wall. I couldn't do it. My head dropped low and I started crying. My tears escaped my eyes and stained the floorboards as they faded into visibility.

Moomin panicked "Are- are you crying!? Oh no, oh no no- Hodgkins is going to kill me and throw my body overboard if he finds out!" he exclaimed dramatically.

"Find out what?" Hodgkins' shadow loomed over Moomin, he was holding his bowl of breakfast and had an old coat over his shoulder.

Moomin squeaked and slammed his back against the knee wall of the stairs. "I am so sorry Hodgkins I didn't mean to-!"

"You made my nephew cry?" Hodgkins asked, noticing the tear stains on the floor.

Moomin started to gabble "He didn't eat his oatmeal and I asked him if he wanted something else and he didn't and I said he should just eat it and he started crying and-"

"Treat him gently next time," Hodgkins said sternly and kneeled down, he placed his bowl aside and reached in slowly for mine "It's okay, you don't have to eat right now…" he spoke softly to me, it nearly gave me whiplash at how quickly his tone managed to change. He picked up my bowl to leave it on the floor next to his. He picked up the coat from his shoulder and placed it on his arm.

"Come on, let's put this on you," he offered a paw to lift me and I obliged. He made me stand up straight and put the coat on me. I wore it insecurely, looking at Moomin's dumbfounded face staring up at the saucepan that reached above Hodgkins' shoulder, then I buckled back down to the height of his lower chest.

I crossed my arms and looked down, it was a midnight blue coat that I think Hodgkins wore but stopped wearing for some odd reason. It sat far too big on me, then again I was used to oversized clothing on myself.

Hodgkins waited in anticipation for it to disappear but it didn't. He patted my back, relieved, then he crouched down to pick up the bowls.

Moomin still stared at me and I wanted to hide in the corner away from him, I wanted to avoid him so badly, he didn't like me, he didn't. He hated me so much and only tolerates me because of Hodgkins. That's it. That's the relationship we have. I'm scared of him and he hates me and the only thing keeping us together on this wretched boat is my uncle who we both admire and cling onto. I hated the look in his eyes, I hated the way he looked at me, dumbfounded and afraid and scornfully.

We didn't know each other well, yet his lack of experience with me made his feelings toward me feel more genuine. The person I've become was unbearable, I thought, the other two clung onto the person I used to be, Moomin didn't know who I used to be, and he didn't like me.

And I wanted to avoid that reminder.

Hodgkins took a few steps to leave and halted, remembering that he should start caring about me himself, aswell. He looked at my saucepan, slightly embarrassed, and cleared his throat "Still want to eat this?" he asked, referring to the oatmeal.

I shook my head.

"Want something else?"

I shook my head again.

"Not hungry anymore?"

I nodded.

He looked at me with concern and lowered ears "If… when you're hungry later, just come up and tug my clothes, alright? Don't want you to starve."

I nodded, hesitantly.

Hodgkins had an untrusting look on his face and offered the bowls to Moomin "Take these below."

"Y- yes sir!" Moomin blurted out, took the bowls and ran off down the entrance.

We looked at him and then Hodgkins looked at my saucepan "Should give us some alone time, he gets oddly rude about my care for you."

Of course he did, he was in a padded sea shell at the door of a terrible orphanage, and of course he'd be attached to him, and of course he'd hate me for taking Hodgkins away from him.

Hodgkins sat down in the corner I was at and looked at me expectedly. I sat down next to him and he pulled me into a side hug, he looked down thoughtfully. "Been doing some thinking yesterday, about how I've been handling you under my care. Felt guilty about the whole thing," he said and paused, then continued with a sigh "To be frank, I always thought I'd be a terrible parent for you, you're much like your father and turns out your similarities didn't end at the positive aspects of your personalities. I'm always terrible at keeping my attention to more than one thing at a time, you know that, right?"

I nodded.

"Knew I should've had some second caretaker to take care of that, but I didn't, because I felt it had to be a mother figure and so I had to involve myself in romance, and I hated the thought of being in a romantic relationship. I just couldn't find anyone attractive or someone I want to be beyond friends with and romantic gestures always felt off or horrifying to me. This is not an excuse of course, I should have gotten you a second… better caretaker other than myself, or maybe I should've tried harder. I felt like I needed to prove something and I failed miserably, because you… I felt like… I ruined you, and I'm so afraid to lose you like I did my brother. He wasn't very happy either, even if like you he used to be happy, then a lot of things happened and he ended up… lost…"

There's that upset tone I didn't like hearing from him, he's taking it so hard on himself even though he did nothing wrong, he couldn't have done anything wrong… I hugged him from the side. He responded by looking down at my saucepan and feeling even more guilty as he continued.

"And I know… I know you'd say it's not my fault, that I didn't do anything, but my lack of doing anything for you is the problem, and I'm so sorry it had to come to this for me to apologize. You care so much and I couldn't possibly return it sufficiently, and you keep blaming yourself or hiding away when you should've kicked me into thinking about you more. I'm so sorry for nearly forgetting about you when we launched, for hiding away from the Hemulen and leaving you, for not helping you when Edward destroyed our home, for making you do any of this… for leaving you alone far too much…" he sniffed and rubbed his eyes, his voice started to get croaky from the tears and the sore throat he was developing for talking more than he's used to "I'm so sorry it took getting to this point for me to realize. Now we're stuck in the middle of nowhere and being at the mercy of the sea… I didn't… I don't…" Hodgkins stuttered, having difficulty in coming up with what to say next "I don't want you to misconstrued any of this and pin it on yourself, please. You've done it enough already and it doesn't help anyone or yourself, I want… need you to accept that what I've been doing was purely my fault and I should've done better, not the other way around, alright?"

… I hugged him a little tighter, I didn't want to hear any of this, I felt so bad for him, I didn't want to accept what he said, I didn't want him to feel bad for being the way he is. He held my arm and rubbed it with his thumb sadly.

"You keep hurting yourself over things that aren't your fault and I don't want you to continue like this. You're anything but a burden or a mistake and you deserve any amount of space that you need, not just the bare minimum…" he gulped and seemed hesitant to say something else "Please come to me for any reason as much as you need, you wouldn't bother me one bit and don't dare consider yourself a pest when you do, alright?"

It took a while for me to consider it, I didn't want any of that… I felt terrible for everything Hodgkins just said, I didn't think I'd make him feel any of that sort of way. Was I really hurting myself over nothing? Did I really deserve better…?

It was tiring to feel terrible all the time, I must admit, still, I felt like I deserved it, but… maybe. Maybe I could at least try. I nodded, and we both sat there quietly, perhaps feeling as if we took a step of sorts. It was… nice...

It was nice.

[coinofstone]

For this two part episode, I'm combining both parts in one post. Unfortunately there's no commentary track on these so it's just the episodes I'm commenting on.

2x05 Beauty and the Beast pt 1

Merlin complaining about nothing interesting ever happens is the most OOC thing he's ever said

Nothing like a damsel in distress to blind a man to reason. I mean except Gaius. He's instantly distrustful of this bish. But even MERlin falls for her shit at first.

Uther flirts with the Lady Catrina at dinner and Arthur's completely disgusted while Morgana has the most devious, knowing grin on her face. It seems implied that there's an age gap between Uther and Catrina, the way he talks of her as a child.

Sarah Parrish is absolutely wonderful. Her performance puts everyone else in this series to shame.

Imagine finding a ride before breakfast charming. That sounds like my nightmare. Fully dressed and on a horse BEFORE coffee? No thank you.

The Lady Catrina's bed hadn't been slept in but her bedspread was changed 😂

I really love the way her hair is done. It's like, they used part of her hair from the front to act as a loose hair tie at the back, giving you freedom from hair being in your face without actually having to have your hair up. I wish I knew how to do that.

It looks like there's a headband in there too. I should get headbands.

There's a reeeeeally strange cut in that scene. Not sure what happened there. But it seems like Merlin is testing the waters to see if Arthur is receptive to suspicion of Catrina, but ultimately Arthur seems to dislike her without any sense of questioning her identity or motives.

Gaius trying to plant seeds of doubt in Uther's mind but he still gets yelled at 😂

How come every time Arthur 'catches' Merlin supposedly pining after a lady he threatens Merlin's life?

So, Gaius warning Uther that his new girl is a literal troll, and Uther refusing to hear it and instead responding with a thinly veiled threat - is that like the 'guy' equivalent of what women do when one of them finds a dude with a giant red flag planted on his skull that she somehow can't see, and all her girls try to warn her but she ignores it and possibly becomes a little hostile even, until the one doing the warning says 'fine but don't come crying to me when he breaks your heart'?

It's a very bad idea to watch this while eating. Just, fyi.

It bothers me that we're never really told what kind of creature Jonas is.

Arthur is excruciatingly stupid in this episode. Merlin isn't the brightest he's ever been either.

Gaius doesn't go looking for Merlin after he didn't come home at night? Arthur doesn't raise any kind of suspicion when Merlin's not there to help him get dressed for his father's wedding? Idk it's a stretch.

Merlin sliding into the hall ten seconds too late was undoubtedly the best possible outcome. If he'd interrupted the ceremony how was that going to go? There's literally no way that doesn't end with him in the dungeon, unless Uther orders him killed immediately on the spot.

2x06 Beauty and the Beast pt 2

Uther being super horny for his wedding night consummation is gross. I love Tony but bruh you're supposed to be all dignified and shit have some self respect.

It's strange to me that Catrina sets up a whole plot to blame Merlin for stealing, when she could've just as easily outed him as a sorcerer.

Arthur knowingly and willfully misleading his men so he could get to Merlin first and warn him, so Merlin could escape 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Yet Merlin still never trusts Arthur enough to reveal his magic. Arthur literally TELLS him he doesn't care if Merlin was guilty or not, he just wants him to escape before he gets caught and captured. He's DIRECTLY going against Uther, actively sabotaging the manhunt, assisting Merlin in spite of Uther's orders ... again. But still, Merlin doesn't have enough faith in him to trust him with who he really is 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Dumbasses

Remind me again why Merlin and Gaius didn't bother to involve Gwen or Morgana in their plot? At all? Did they just forget that these characters exist? I think they each had one line in the first part.

Merlin's such a baby tasting the potions for comparison.

And why is he hiding in the cupboard when there's a back door right behind him?

Catrina is literally the new GOP.

Gorgeous framing with Uther standing on the dais and Arthur looking up at him while saying all he's ever tried to do is make him proud. Arthur looking up at Uther's larger than life visage is really just, everything.

Morgana and Arthur following Uther chasing after Catrina 😂 they just want the gosssssss also noticing now that Arthur didn't bother to get dressed up for the ceremony.

Camelot really has the most incompetent guards in the history of ever.

🚨inappropriate thirst moment🚨 right in the top corner of the screen when Arthur cones around the corner, all smolder and billowing jacket, stalking up on the scene. Have mercy.

Arthur: "You're a troll!"

Catrina: 😨😲

Me: 😂😂😂😂😂

Uther:

The TRUE best kiss in this show:

I know I've said the superior het ship is Gwen/Lancelot but I'm amending that - the truly superior ship is Uther/Troll, but I don't know that an interspecies ship can be classified as het, so they hold dual titles.

Yes, I'm taking photographs of my television and cropping them. Yes it's at a weird angle. No I'm not sorry.

That council meeting to try and make sure Uther realizes he's married a troll is literally what I imagine Melania's bachelorette party was like.

Khilgarrah's laughter is everything.

I love that Arthur never replaced Merlin with a substitute servant even though he thought he left Camelot. Just left his chambers in a mess. Then he gets super angry at the thought of Merlin hiding under his bed... like he's afraid Merlin might've witnessed something while under there? Hmmmm?

Can I just point out Camelot's most wanted fugitive is literally in the room with nobody even noticing.

The aborted hug! Poor Merlin. He deserved a hug. Great moment.