#straightupangst

[archivallyfound09]

Entering the Villain Era pt. 3

Pairing: Jake "Hangman" Seresin x Reader (f)

Summary: The one where she can dish more than he can handle. And, oh, does he deserve it.

Warnings: Swearing (as per usual), drinking (reader is of age), potentially some suggestive situations in the future (none here). SO much angst.

Part One. Part Two

You sat in your Jeep, tongue running along your teeth as you sucked in a tight breath. Storms this time of year weren't unusual, but with the tenacity of these winds, you knew they weren't going to be flying today. You sneered and got out of your car, jogging to the hangar. Maverick gave you an acknowledgement nod as he continued a conversation with Rooster and Phoenix. Neither of the two pilots moved, fully aware you were stalking in behind them.

You placed each step definitively as you stood behind the podium. You checked your watch for show- you were fully aware it was start time for today's briefings. You steeled your glare to the metal on the wall in front of you, hands gripping the sides of the podium.

"Since some of you think I should fucking say something," you began, all heads snapping towards you and mouths slamming shut as the few standing aviators made their way to their seats, "Then I'll start fucking talking." You glared directly at Hangman and saw his head drop to the pencil in his hand. You lifted your head and started pacing behind the podium.

"For the past 144 hours, I have clocked every decision, every hesitation, every execution each of you have made in every simulation. My job, as someone so eloquently put it," you tossed a look to Maverick, "is to keep you all alive. I'm in the control seat and you will receive all orders and updates through me. I will" you emphasized the word, locking eyes with Rooster, then Phoenix, then Bob, "think faster than you and I will," this time you caught Coyote, Fanboy, and Hangman, "know your decision before you've even calculated it. Understood?"

The room was dead silent as heads barely nodded an affirmative. "Great," you mumbled, stepping back to the podium and pulling out your notes. "Then let's go over the collective decisions in the last 144 hours, shall we?" You looked up anticipating a groan or an eyeroll, but every head was down, eyes plastered to their hands in front of them. You looked over at Maverick with an eyebrow raised and he gave you the eyeroll you had anticipated as he mouthed 'enjoying too much.'

------

The storms had significantly picked up since the morning. Your briefing had been anything put, going through each decision as a collective and picking apart the thought process. If they could start to understand where you were coming from, they'd understand why you were so hard on them. You held their lives in your hands.

You squinted as you started out for your Jeep, sprinkles of water splashing in on you, immediately soaking your uniform. You walked to the vehicle, not seeing the point of running when you were wet to the bone. Once inside, you wiped your face and blinked, trying to get the water droplets off your eyelashes and out of your view. You pulled out and headed back to base, grateful for a shorter day overall.

----

Once back at the base housing you had barely stepped in from the rain, rolling your eyes at the lack of awning or porch at the front of your door. You had just bent down to untie your boots, socks starting to slide down in their heavy, soaked state, when a knock hit your door. You spun around, combat training kicking in, as you quietly stalked to the peephole. You weren't anticipating anyone and the fact that they waited until you were inside- chances were it wasn't good. You couldn't make out exactly who it was, but it was clearly a male. You bit the inside of your cheek and opened the door.

"What?"

"Can we talk?"

You looked at Jake Seresin standing in front of you, soaked completely through, his normally perfectly coiffed hair wet and sticking to his forehead, his eyes pleading with you. In that moment, you knew this was the time for the confrontation. You knew the wind was blowing in some rain through your front door, but you held firmly to the inner doorknob, hand braced against the doorframe. You looked at him completely expressionless, refusing to start the talking that he apparently had to do. You were not going to make any part of this easy on him.

"Okay, that's fair," your eyes locked onto his as they dropped to his feet. He knew you were going to keep freezing him out and he knew he deserved every second of it. He took a deep breath and you saw his shoulders slump.

"I'm sorry. I know you deserve more than that. Everything I've tried to think of to say is cliche and nothing hits the mark. I've been trying to find the words since-since I saw you there, in front of the door. If I could, I would give you anything you asked for. I will drop the program. I will leave the Navy. I will crash my car and-" he swallowed thickly, "I will go away if you never want to see me again." He knew he was rambling and he knew you weren't going to stop him.

And he was right. You stared at him blankly, afraid to look behind the wall that you had constructed. The wall that kept you safe from everyone, especially him. The wall that you swore would never allow anyone to get near. The lightning flash jolted you out of those thoughts.

The rain poured down and plastered your hair to your cheeks and shoulders as you started out towards your car, your keys slippery in your palm. You dared a look back and saw him standing in the window, watching you wordlessly. Your eyes begged him to run down the stairs, to wrap you in his arms, and hold you, to kiss you, to choose you. Your heart broke further as you saw him turn his back and leave the window.

A lone tear mixed with the wetness from the rain on your cheek as your consciousness clicked back into your lock on Jake's face. His eyes begged at you and you knew he was standing before you with his heart in his hands, fully giving you permission to smash it in the same way that he had done to you. You pulled your eyes skyward and you wrinkled your nose, the rain hitting you in the face, Jake's eyes still boring into you. You sighed and brought your gaze back to his.

Jake didn't know what he was thinking. He knew he had to talk to you. He knew he needed to do this, but as his eyes pleaded with you silently, he didn't know what he was pleading for. He prayed to every god he could think of that you would know and that you would tell him what he needed, just like you always had. Every memory with you hurt like a hot poker between his ribs. It made his chest heave and tighten.

You saw the pleading look. You felt the wall you had been clinging to for years fall in one fell swoop. Your knees buckled. The years of therapy completely ignored. You arms dropped from the door to your sides as you head tilted and looked, really looked, at the man in front of you. You inhaled harshly, forgetting how to breathe normally, your mouth no longer being controlled by your brain.

"You destroyed me."

The words hung thick in the air, your voice barely audible. Both of you knew that every word you said would be a barb, jabbed deeply into him, regardless of your intention. He bit his lip, brow furrowing with anguish starting to appear more obvious on his face. You took in a shaking breath, feeling your hands start to twitch, the anger of the situation flooding back into you.

You had dreamed about this moment- having Jake Seresin squirming in front of you while you had the power in this struggle. You quickly realized there was no joy, there was no winner. It was simply two broken people, soaking wet in the rain, who had completely dismantled each other.

"It destroyed me, too." Jake's hand hesitantly reached out to you, but you remained completely stoic, blinking as more drops ran down your nose and cheeks. His hand held out in the cavernous empty space between the two of you. Your eyes dropped to the ground behind and off to the side of him.

"Yes, but you chose to do it."

You accusation was nothing more than factual. He nodded and his hand dropped back down to his side. You knew your defenses were down. You knew you didn't have the willpower to withstand him if he kept standing here in the rain in front of you. The whole interaction felt like it had been hours of agony, but only a few minutes had passed.

"What do we do now?" Jake's voice caught in his throat, your arms aching to wrap around his neck and hold him tightly against you. You held out a hand in truce. He looked disbelievingly at you and then decided to grasp your hand in his, worried you would second guess him and pull back.

The electric shock you felt as his hand touched you was accentuated by the thunderclap that happened simultaneously. You went to drop his hand, but he held on tightly and, in one swift movement, he pulled you tightly against his chest, allowing the rain to fully soak you as you were encapsulated by his arms around you. His nose pressed into your now wet hair and you felt his chest heave under you. You stood frozen and too afraid to hug back.

"I'm sorry," came the whispered, broken sob. Your hands reached up and around his neck, tears fully falling from your tightly shut eyes as you held onto him like there was nothing left in the world. Your head was swimming with thoughts of what this meant and how this could hurt you again, but everything was drowned out by the overall, enraptured feeling of him.

"I am so. fucking. sorry."

-----

Part Four

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