#stream Lower One's Eyes by Nulut

[elsjobproject]

Opferung

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5/5 - Clear El Tower Defense 5 times [0/5]

The Large El was restored and he thought he could complete the mission, but something unthinkable happened. The messenger of the Goddess who was corrupted by demonic energy and chaos was unable to completely restore the El. If he injects his power without care, then the El might become unstable again. Perhaps it will lead to another disaster not unlike the El Explosion… Just like that, his one hope, his mission can never be achieved.

In midst of this chaos, the only thing he could rely on was an answer from the Goddess. Yet, despite his desperate cries, the Goddess still remained silent. Why? He thought this was all the will of the Goddess. He believed all these hardships and difficulties he could not resolve by himself were all trials he must overcome. But was that all in his head? All his cries, prayers, blame, pleas…

Did none of them reach the Goddess?

If that's the case, he needed to find another path. If he can't do anything to achieve what he wants and can never reach the Goddess, then all he needs to do is make the Goddess look for him. He is her faithful servant. He will complete his mission and return the El to the Goddess. Even if that means destroying her beloved Elrios.

Ain headed towards the sanctum. 'He' was waiting for his answer at the heart of the sanctum.

(recorded; 3/17/2023)

[umbry-fic]

lower one’s eyes

Summary: Noelle doesn't remember how she came to be in this alleyway. Only that the endless cold is threatening to swallow her whole, and that Kris is here now, by her side. With a hand on her waist, pulling her along into a simple dance from the past.

Fandom: Deltarune Characters: Noelle Holiday, Kris Relationships: Noelle Holiday & Kris Rating: G Word Count: 2680 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 27/02/2022

Notes: Fic that takes place in the snowgrave route and involves dancing (kinda)! Noelle is also trans in this, and there's implied one-sided Kriselle.

Inspired by Lower one's eyes by nulut because that song is so good :)

~~~

Noelle’s entire body was shaking - shivers ran up her back, over her arms, down her legs, leaving her fur standing on end. She sank unsteadily to the ground, back against the brick wall that stood at the end of the dim, narrow alleyway she found herself on, with no memory of how she came to be here. Hair falling past her shoulders in messy curls, hoofs scraping against the rough asphalt, barely avoiding puddles of muddy water leftover from a thunderstorm and the garbage strewn everywhere - mostly faded flyers that promised so many things that couldn’t possibly all be achieved. Wealth. Glory. The granting of dreams. In truth, they sold nothing but hollow lies.

There wasn’t a single other soul here, not even the companion that had been guiding her through the city. They were nowhere to be found. There was only a heavy silence, almost like the buzzing of the static-filled television screen whenever her father accidentally pulled the plug. If she listened hard enough, she could hear the faint cawing of a far-away crow, and the popping of lightbulbs, for even if there was nothing that breathed, the city itself was always alive. A giant beast that had already opened its maw and swallowed her whole, leaving her stuck in its dark belly with no hope of escape.

She hugged her legs close to her chest, hiding her face in her knees. Trying her best to curl up into a ball, to trap whatever heat was left in the air within the confines of her body. Hoping it would melt the icicle in her heart, that only lengthened with the seconds that passed in this dream world, its tips sharp and cruelly grinding into her tender flesh.

Yet the only thing that seeped in was the unwanted cold. The cold from the incessant snowstorm that surrounded her, despite there being no white fluttering down around her. The cold that she could command with little more than a flick of her finger, drawing the chill into sharp lines that emanated from her outstretched palms. But was she really the one in control here, the one pulling the strings?

She dug her fingers into her fur, hoping to stop the tremors. But the sting wasn’t enough, wasn’t anywhere close to the ribbons of pain spiralling from her finger, where a ring of thorns sat proudly. Taking the form of a lazy stream of blood, meandering towards the grungy ground, the only spot of colour in the otherwise dull grey surroundings.

A small noise made her lift her head, vision filling with blobs of blue that were blurred by the tears welling up in her eyes, freezing the moment they fell, to become crystals that shattered on the floor.

“Kris…” she muttered, dropping her arms to her sides as the blobs solidified into the sight of her childhood friend, the one who’d been missing from her side when she woke up here.

She could only recall before in brief glimpses - blinding white, fear trying to claw its way out of her heart, perhaps a hand reaching for her…

And then nothing.

Kris had been the one to lead her through this city, steadfast, always knowing where to go, what to do to accomplish their goals. Surely they could save her from this blizzard she was lost within, guide her towards the light?

“..elle, Noelle!”

She gasped, the sharp voice pulling her out of her daze, like a hand dragging her out of an endlessly deep pool that she was drowning in. A voice that, no matter how much she told herself she must be imagining things, still didn’t sound quite right to her ears. Kris’ voice had always held this quiet quality that she had never managed to put her finger on, even when they were shouting in joy as the two of them played together in the forest when they were young. Yet here they were, snapping at her. Outside of this dream, their voice sometimes held something resembling regret, that she was never able to follow up on, for they were always gone before she could say anything back, her fingertips unable to even graze their shoulder as they disappeared around a corner. Now, in addition to the layer of concern on the forefront, there was an undercurrent of authority, enough to make her sit up straight, despite the cold that pressed down on her.

She must not be very good at replicating people in her dreams. Especially considering the dark circles under their eyes, and the deep pain spreading in the pools of red that bore into her soul, seemingly as potent as the strongest of poisons, able to corrode anything. She averted her gaze to the floor before she could be caught in the wake of its destruction, the shivers only worsening. Her teeth chattered as she wrapped her arms around herself, wondering how her breath wasn’t coming out in crystalline puffs.

But there was no respite awaiting her, no sanctuary at the end of the storm. Kris’ hand found hers, lodged beneath her arm, and forcefully tugged, refusing to let go even as she shook her head in protest. Until she stumbled to her feet, not wishing for her arm to be pulled out of its socket, nearly toppling over if not for their hand at her back, steadying her.

Their touch was another point from which cold spread, but she had no energy to flinch away anymore, or to resist, only able to follow Kris’ lead as they dragged her further away from the wall, their hand tight on hers. Like they’d used to do so many years before, leading her on another grand adventure. There was no warmth to be found there now, to be found anywhere in this world that her own mind must have cooked up to torture her.

“Kris? What…” she tried to get out, her throat closing up before she could finish, blocked by little snowflakes, their little edges making her choke.

She shut her mouth in the silence that greeted her, Kris not even deigning to spare her another glance. Only striding towards wherever their goal was with a single-minded determination that would be interrupted by no one.

Ah. She must be acting stupid again. Too weak. Kris had, all along, been the one pushing her to be stronger, better… This must be for that purpose too. So she should just… shut up and listen…

Be a good girl…

She didn’t realise they’d stopped until she nearly crashed into Kris’ back, so lost in her own thoughts. Swivelling her head around to gauge where they were, she found that they were still in the same alleyway. At least, it seemed that way. She didn’t think she’d be able to differentiate between two dirty roads - not in this part of Cyber City, where everything was a shade of grey.

Unsteady red light shined down on them from above, giving their surroundings a dream-like quality that threw her even more off-kilter. She glanced up, expecting to see the baseball moon that she’d seen from the bed of the room that Queen had given her, illuminating this strange world with soft silver that calmed the anxious jump of her heart. But the clouds hanging in the sky were all there was to see. That, and a lonely sign, hanging haphazardly off a decrepit wall, the letters too high up to make out. The neon lights flickered periodically, casting this unsteady light that they stood within now, the others all dead, likely fused. It seemed that no one had come to fix it for quite some time. She wondered if anyone ever would, or if this section of the city was doomed to fall to rust, its last remaining residents forgotten and left to crumble to dust, huddled alone in their dingy apartments.

There was no more time to take in her surroundings, as Kris drew her closer, their other hand coming to rest on her waist. Shadows fell over their face as they dipped their head, their sword glinting at their side, almost like blood was slowly oozing down it. Her eyes widened, the fog in her head clearing somewhat.

She recognised this, this position they were in. Standing together in the single beam of light that cut through the darkness, wearing outfits far too fancy for the desolate stage the spotlight was for. A cherished memory from another world that felt as far away as another life, held close to her chest. Why…

There was no point in asking why; she knew she wouldn’t get an answer. With her hand in theirs, Kris took one deliberate step, pulling her along into a routine that had once been lost to the sands of time, but came back easily as she fell into it.

Turn.

She couldn’t help but close her eyes. So close to Kris, there was nothing she could focus on but their gaze, and the tortured thing swimming in them like it was completely at home, making her feel like frost was creeping up her fur.

Step right.

Against the dark backdrop of her eyelids, she could imagine she was somewhere else, with anyone else. Perhaps Susie. Yes. That would be so much better.

A waltz in a ballroom, the walls bedecked with mistletoe, the sound of ringing bells echoing within. Dressed in a long ballgown that trailed behind her, fitted with so many more frills and ribbons than her current outfit; Susie in a dashing suit that complemented her figure and made the purple pop. Dancing the night away like in a fairytale, waiting for the stroke of midnight to end it all, grasping desperately onto whatever time they had left. Using it to get gradually closer, their respective tails wagging as Susie’s warmth embraced her, heart pumping in her ears as she wished for a miracle…

Wouldn’t that be fun?

Raise your clasped hands.

Her happy illusion had little effect against the sheen of red coating everything, slowly drenching even the floor as it dripped from her fingers and ran down their intertwined arms in a veritable river. It shattered, leaving her with not even fragments to guard herself against Kris’ piercing gaze, like a needle being slowly pushed into her, accusing her of shirking what she had to do. It was her weakness that was causing their pain. Their hand tightened together with the thorns, making the ache in her fingers worsen.

Spin your partner around.

So she cast her mind back further, lowering her eyes to gaze at Kris’ feet as the world spun around her, her dress flaring. For she would do anything to escape the present, to cast the sensation of the invisible hands wrapped around her throat out of her mind, to forget the tears wetting her cheeks. To avoid looking Kris in the eyes.

Back to events she hadn’t thought of in years. Not since that night in the bunker. Not since the snowstorm had buried years of carefree fun and laughter in an unbreachable layer of guilt that refused to melt, causing her to build a new life upon its solid surface. Before her fingers had gone numb and her eyes had stung from staring at a computer screen all night, typing the same word into the search bar again and again. Before thoughts of purple and chalk had overtaken her mind, her heart fluttering in class.

In memories that were like old photographs, a yellow flower with its petals starting to curl from neglect had sat in their hair. Their gaze downcast, shoulders hunched like they were trying to shrink into themselves.

Her hands had been on their waist, as she’d been expected to lead. Dess and Asriel sat on the benches by the long windows, barely paying attention to the two of them as they chatted about school. Occasionally turning to give them a cursory glance before shouting out some encouragement, the names that dropped from their tongues making her and Kris flinch. Said in nothing but love, yet like a fresh hot brand pressed to their skin each and every time.

They’d gone round and round clumsily, Kris barely balancing on their tiptoes when she tried to spin them. More often than not, they would step on her feet and profusely apologise, and she would hurriedly tell them that it was fine, wanting to put an end to the torture just as much as they did.

But as the setting sun had cast soft orange light through the studio’s windows, everything had seemed kinder, somehow. Hovering on the brink between reality and a dream, where one could make a prayer and have hope that it would be granted.

So she had whispered her ridiculous idea into Kris’ ear, squeezing their hand. They had laughed a little at it, but not in a demeaning way, smiling gratefully at her as the wrongness slew off for just that one magical moment. As both of them had believed it could be done. And perhaps the act of their hearts coming together had given their wish some power, for it had.

Now, dip your partner down.

Jolted back into the present as Kris lowered her down with grace, she held her breath, staring up into red, unable to do anything but meet their gaze. They were performing the same finishing move as she had years ago, but successfully this time, unlike when she had deposited them both into a tangled heap on the wooden floorboards that their siblings had to save them from as their teasing laughter had floated through the air.

She would give anything to be able to go back to those happy days.

Their one hand was steady on her back, the other holding hers above her head, strong without any hint of the hesitation that had plagued the little glances they would sneak at her as days and then months and then years passed, as they stopped hanging out in school, as they stopped coming over to each other’s place to play video games and elbow each other in the ribs.

And then they were at a standstill. Her father’s watch, looped around their wrist, jangled with the final motion before coming to a rest, the tiny noise reminding her of the bells of the abandoned church that had stopped ringing ever so long ago. Its face caught the light, turning into a pond of murky red akin to the eyes that bore into her.

Kris’ hand was the only thing holding her up, preventing her from falling and falling and falling. The puppet strings holding up her limp, lifeless body, exhaustion sinking deep into her bones. Through the tears that filled her eyes, she thought she could see strings of their own, attached to their shoulders, their arms, every part of them, dirty and knotted, all leading up, up, up, until she lost sight of them in the endless red. Towards what must surely be a wonderful Heaven.

A small smile graced Kris’ lips. Something else was in their eyes now - a small spark of joy, shining too brightly, too fiercely, strong enough to start a wildfire. Even as tears of their own welled up, falling saltily on her tongue. The touch of their hand burned now, a warmth that threatened to engulf her whole.

But it was the only thing she had to cling to, such that she did not lose herself to the cold. So cling to it she would. Even as the sense of wrongness returned, like when she was a child, wearing the wrong clothes and with the wrong name stuck to her like a label, a secret clutched close to her chest. Coating her heart, weighing on her chest. Even then, she would not let go.

As if from far away, she felt her eyes flutter closed as darkness edged in on her vision, a thin and wavering smile stretching across her lips.

For if they were both connected to Heaven, then surely there would be mercy for the both of them.

~~~

End Notes: Thanks for reading! I really love the headcanon that they switched names when they were younger hehe.