#suburbs.intro

[flipsideds]

“ — oh, uhm... i hope you don’t mind, but i was actually saving that last sugar cube for a pal of mine. RANDY. yeah, i... i’m sure there’s more oranges at the store? if you’d maybe want to check there? ”

alternatively:   i have    z e r o   p e r c e n t    self-control & am ready to introduce you to my little honeysuckle dewdrop, ollie smith  !! 

*   ━  ━     have  you  met  brattleboro's  very  own  BOTANY STUDENT / HORTICULTURAL APPRENTICE  yet   ?   if  you  haven’t,  let  me  introduce  you  to  OLEANDER “OLLIE” MICHAEL SMITH   —  a  TWENTY - TWO  year  old  CISMALE,  he  was  last  seen  ARTFULLY PLATING SUGAR CUBES & ORANGE SLICES FOR HIS DAILY BREAKFAST WITH THE BEES whilst  listening  to  HERE COMES THE SUN.  oft  described  as  soft-spoken,  mild,  breezy &  acquiescent,  he  won't  ever  tell  you  that  A FINE SELECTION OF BRATTLEBORO’S BEES HAVE TAKEN UP RESIDENCE IN HIS HAIR, A RESULT OF HIS LONG-STANDING PROTECTION PACT WITH THEM: IF THE BEES ARE THREATENED IN ANY WAY, HE WILL NOT HESITATE, BITCH !   ;   at  least  that's  what  the  rumour  is  around  town.    //     TARJEI SANDVIK MOE.

here’s the buzz concerning oleander smith :

randy is a bee. he is ollie’s very best bee friend. he takes the cake when it comes to loyalty and priority, and if you cannot handle that, then ollie concludes your presence can probably be best made useful elsewhere.

if his bees don’t trust you, game over. sorry, ollie doesn’t make the rules !!

he’s studying botany, looking to get his masters! so in the meantime, he’s also working a paid apprenticeship with brattleboro parks & rec, maintaining the local butterfly gardens in the town center. catch him watering the plants daily, taking very frequent breaks to smell the flowers and whisper to them about how pretty & special they are!!!

he has mfing bees?? living in his hair?? like a boss tbh. and when they’re really happy and/or he’s asleep, they form a lil halo around his head and it’s 2 cute to handle. basically, the bees and ollie have a mutual protection pact, the details of which i’ll briefly outline below.

adores children, so whenever little kids come to the gardens for field trips or whatever he’s always stooped in the dirt with them, introducing them to butterflies that casually perch on his fingertips. i swear, this kid is the friggin’ flower/insect whisperer.

how the arrangement came to bee :

so a young 5 y/o ollie got stung by a bee one day. he cried a lot, not about the sting but rather about the bee dying?? so baby ollie held a full funeral service for it near its hive and then began bringing bereavement meals (sugar cubes, etc.) to the bees in the wake of their loved one’s absence, as is obviously customary when one mourns the loss of a fallen bee. he started visiting the bees more frequently, having his breakfasts outdoors in his family’s back yard just to chat with them.

in elementary school, ollie got bullied pretty badly because kids caught him talking to ‘no one’ (aka his bees). he’d always been picked on for his size and for having two moms, but this one awful kid decided to continue this teasing further than small comments and jeers. so one day, cute lil fetus ollie tries to play kickball with the other kids and is instead kicked in the shins. his balance was awful so he toppled to the ground, scraping his knee and his left cheek in the process. the other kids found this hilarious -- ollie’s walk home featured slumped shoulders and an abundance of sniffles.

his moms didn’t really do much about it tbh?? beatrice and debbie don’t believe in aggravating others; they’re pacifists at heart. so they encourage ollie to “talk it out” with his aggressor.

a similar physical teasing happens the next day. instead of telling his moms about it, ollie returns home and goes straight to the hive to tell his bees. they are BUZZING with anger. 

ollie goes to school the next morning. same shit, different day. this trend continues for about two weeks before the bees finally decide enough is enough. one of ollie’s bestest bee buddies, randy, tags along to school without making himself known. he hides away in the hood of ollie’s sweater. the bully kid tries his usual teasing at recess and manages to shove ollie onto the blacktop when ollie tries to reason with him. he’s about to do more damage with his freakin’ buzz lightyear light-up sneakers when wham!!  he’s stung! by a bee! right on his nose!

the kicker is this kid was like... hella allergic to bee stings? so he nearly died and never messed with ollie again. and from then on, the bees have vowed to protect ollie because they don’t buy into humankind’s capacity for kindness.

they casually alternate shifts living in his hair, y’know? casual. and they ADORE his current line of work, so it’s a winning situation for everyone involved.

personality ?   more like  personali-bee, am i right ladies ?? :

honestly people around town probably think he's got some marbles loose because more often than not he will converse with the bees out loud?? but they've got this ~ emotional bond ~ too, which makes communicating non-verbally just as effective? 

he's such a nerd, adores everything about botany and flowers and biology. 

lil sunshine gumdrop. but his bees WILL attack people who wrong him, or threaten him, or give off the vibe of being capable of hurting him. 

ollie is such a pacifist but he doesn't force his bees to abide by the same moral code.

you can routinely find him outside the local grocery store asking for donations to save the bees !!  

also catch him lecturing the locals on how bees have pure hearts, therefore humans should not be afraid, nor should they deem killing them the answer !!!

lavender macaroons are his favorite.

any sweets, also.

he takes his tea with milk and honey, and a dollop of sunshine.

he has a habit of humming to himself when he’s gardening.

will routinely pose questions with an unironic “huh?” at the end.

christopher robin in another life, probably.

he’s always wearing some form of gentle color. baby blues, lavenders, etc. 

he has an adorable little gardening hat. and probably always has dainty little gardening gloves tucked into the back pocket of his jeans because you just... never know when you might encounter a plant in need, ok??

very not used to being the center of anyone’s attention, so he’s very softspoken. like, even the silent evening air is like, could you pls speak up, lil gumdrop?

blushes like, all the time?

his best trait is def his smile. it just blossoms across his features and lowkey some people think the town gardens are flourishing so much just because of his sheer capacity for peace, luv, & joy.

* BLACK EYED  P E A S  BEES VC * hive got a feeling ( whoo hoo ) that tonight’s gonna bee a good night :

pals! he’s such a Soft Boi

people who wholeheartedly despise bees, even if it’s just in an effort to make ollie squirm.

fellow nature enthusiasts!

his mail carrier? because i have this headcanon where they’ll have the most basic conversations in the morning, but they’re always so uplifting and cute?

someone who anticipates his tendency to forego a grocery basket and then spill everything as he tries to juggle it all toward the register.

bad influence!! he’s so innocent? someone attempt to lure him to the dark side?

“ excuse me miss, pls stop stepping on the flowers... if you can? if it’s not too difficult? it’s just -- they’re not exactly privy to moving out of your path, and they prefer to be alive and not be crushed. so if at all possible..... it would mean a lot to them.”

someone who calls him to take care of spiders/caterpillars/other insects that are in their home. they’re all freaked and ready to kill, but ollie just rolls in and gingerly picks up the lil guys, coos a bit. maybe asks them how their day was, what got them into this house to begin with. turns to his friend, informs them that their spider pal here came inside because they really wanted to get a better look at their interior design -- they embroidered pillows in the living room are so tasteful.

this is a   M E S S   but i owed it to myself to get it up! so pls hit me up on here or discord 2 plot! xoxo gossip linc

[mcrtines]

BACKGROUND —

Martine was born in Canton, Ohio, which calls itself a city but is more like the middle of nowhere, to a Preacher and his wife. She was raised a good girl - more than that, a perfect girl, with perfect ideals and the morals to match. The pressure her father put on her to always live up to his image and to maintain the trust of the community they lived in was huge, but for a long time Mar saw no issue with it - that was just how he was. She knew, deep down, that she wasn’t the person her father hoped, but she wasted years of her life trying to be.

She went to Ohio State and majored in journalism, even though her father wanted her to stay at home. It was the first taste of freedom she’d ever really had, and it changed her life. For the first time, Mar saw the world as it could be, and she thrived in it. Confident and optimistic, she found herself with a wide circle of friends, all of whom thought her naivety about the world adorable rather than weird, and, well...there were the boys.

It was a boy she moved to Brattleboro to avoid; him, and her parents, who hated the new person she had become. A part of her thinks that her move was to make it easier on them, but the truth was that no state was far enough from Ohio for her. She’d move to the other side of the world if it meant never having to sit in stifled silence at her mother’s dinner table again.

As for the boy - well, he was charming, and oh-so-romantic, and turned out to be almost engaged to a girl he’d been seeing since high school. Martine only found out when she received a furious message on Facebook from the would-be fiancee; as heart-breaking as it was, there was relief in the way she packed her backs and took a flight to the suburbs. At least here she won’t ever have to see him again; there will be no reminders.

And that was when the girlfriend showed up in her basement, dead.

In the last year, Martine has learned fast. She’s been hired by the Brattleboro Express, but is finding that any story she suggests that portrays the town as less than perfect - for example, the recent serial killings - is rejected. She doesn’t go to church anymore, though she lies in her weekly phone-call to her parents and says she does. She buys shitty paperbacks from the local book-store, and then she goes home and tries to coax the ghost in her basement into either telling her what she wants, or just leaving; she’s had no luck with either, so far.

WEALTH —

$  financial :  wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚  medical : fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable ✪  class or caste :  upper / middle / working / street trash / slave / unsure ✔  education :  qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖  criminal record :  yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no/

FAMILY  —

◓ marital status : married happily / married unhappily / engaged or betrothed / partnered / single / divorced / separated ◒  children :  has a child or children / has no children / wants children / verse dependent ◑  relationship with family :  close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / ◔  affiliation : orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parents / not applicable

TRAITS  +  TENDENCIES  —

♦  extroverted / introverted / in between ♦ disorganized / organized / in between ♦  close-minded / open-minded / in between ♦  calm / anxious / in between ♦  disagreeable / agreeable / in between ♦  cautious / reckless / in between ♦  patient / impatient / in between ♦  outspoken / reserved / in between ♦  leader / follower / in between ♦  empathetic / unempathetic / in between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between ♦  traditional / modern / in between ♦  hard-working / lazy / in between ♦  cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown ♦  loyal / disloyal / unknown ♦  faithful / unfaithful / unknown

BELIEFS  —

★  faith :  monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic / it’s complicated ☆  belief in divine right to rule: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ✮  belief in an afterlife :  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ✯  belief in the supernatural :  yes / no / undecided ❀  philosophical :  yes / no

SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION  —

❤  sexuality : heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual ❥  sex : sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless ♥  romance :  romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless ❣  sexually :  adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced /curious / destructive

ABILITIES  —

☠  magical skills :  excellent / good / moderate / poor / none   ≡  literacy skills :  excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍  artistic skills :  excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂  technical skills :  excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

HABITS  —

☕  drinking alcohol :  never / sometimes / frequently / to excess ���  smoking :  trying to quit / never / sometimes / frequently / to excess ✿  other narcotics : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess ♣  gambling : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

THE MUN —

eliza / 21 / gmt: MY SECOND MUSE ALREADY! pls just come and plot with your local reporter, she’s super normal and everything I swear.

[mvtilds]

(    ELLA PURNELL.     )     ━━━     if  i’m  not  mistaken,  that’s  MATILDA  SYLVIA  MONTGOMERY.  SHE’S  just  blown  out  TWENTY  candles,  and  the  CISFEMALE ARIES  is  a  STUDENT  at  BRATTLEBORO  COMMUNITY  COLLEGE  around  town.  if  you  listen  to  the  hearsay,  you  might  hear  that  SHE POISONED HER RIVAL DANCER  but  it’s  up  to  you  whether  you  decide  to  believe  it.  SHE  is  most  oft  associated  with  PERFECTLY WINGED EYELINER, BLOODY BALLET SHOES, PROVING PEOPLE WRONG WITH A SLY SMIRK ON HER LIPS.     →     nysa.  she/her.  19.  gmt+3. 

          Greetings and salutations !! I’m Nysa ( gmt+3, 18, she/her ) a.k.a. the Trash™ sometimes the Mess™. I’m a college student who spends way too much time on this weird blue website. -- Let me introduce u to my problematic child Matilda. I’m just gonna list a few things about her below if you want to plot you can go ahead and make that heart go red and I’ll come at you !! or you can message me !! 

about.

She is blunt, obsessed with success, bossy, and a control freak but she hides her negative traits so well. 

Matilda is the only daughter of a successful writer and a socialite. From the outside, the family looked close-knit, like a perfect family but the truth was her parents were selfish, vastly, controlling people. She hates them but at the same time, she always wanted to please them. 

When she was four, her mother wrote a book series called matilda and the five ballerinas, just bc she wanted to say her inspiration for the stories were her daughter she enrolled matilda in ballet. tilda has always thought the stage is perfect for her because she gets a huge amount of attention when she is on it.

She is an art student at Brattleboro college and a pre-professional ballerina. She has been training ballet for sixteen years. Last year, when she was auditioning for a part, she got paranoid about not getting the role and poisoned her rival dancer. The girl survived but she was too scared to audition for the part again or ever be in the same place as Matilda. In the end, the director had no choice but to choose her. This once again proved she’s got no limits when it comes to success.

wanted connections.

close friends, unlikely friends, friends with benefits, one-night stand. had a fling once and now friends/we hate each other, exes, once best friends now they don’t even talk or they are enemies...... i’m ok with almost anything tbh

[roseaete-blog]

anywhomst     !     i’m     your     local     dickhead     damian     (     she/her     ),     nineteen,     almost     too     gay     to     function.     i     like     weird     shit     but     deadass     we     knew     that     already.     anyway     here     are     the     dickheads     ............

alanis  charlotte  dawes.     twenty - one.   jason  dean,  but  make  it  fashion.  journalism  student  who  has  a  kink  for  writing  about  murder     /     murder  adjacent  subjects.  conned  her  ex  into  planning  a  “minor”  murder  spree  just  so  she’d  have  something  funky  to  write  about,  but  we  don’t  talk  about  that.  solid  aesthetics  maketh  a  deranged  woman.  entertains  the  concept  of  running  away  every  few  months,  but  she’s  a  brattleboro  weirdo  born  and  bred  so  that’s  not  fuckin’  happening.  eats  entirely  too  much  fruit.  keeps  a  silver  dagger  on  her  person  at  all  times,  sometimes  entertains  the  idea  of  a  handgun  in  her  purse.  weird.

epstein  jacobi  miller.     twenty - two.   everyone  loves  a  buzzcut  barbie  crackhead,  apparently.  in  a  committed  relationship  with  his  dealer,  and  it’s  the  only  one  he  cares  about.  lives  in  quite  possibly  the  world’s  shittiest  apartment,  where  he’s  semi - convinced  that  there’s  a  sexy  poltergeist  haunting  him,  which  is  an  entire  conversation  unto  itself.  manic  highs  and  the  most  depressive  lows  you  will  ever  see.  god  knows  how  he’s  holding  down  a  job,  but  this  is  brattleboro  and  weirder  things  have  happened  than  a  heroin  addict  holding  down  a  job.  paints  the  walls  of  his  apartment  every  two  weeks     ;     it’s  a  jackson  pollock  meets  monet  inspired  disasterpiece  right  now.  genius,  but  he’s  too  high  to  realise  it.

gabriel  simon  love.     thirty - two.  the  devil  wears  klein,  epstein  and  parker     !     somehow  both  the  best  and  worst  person  you’re  likely  to  meet.  reckons  he  met  the  devil  in  a  dive  bar,  also  reckons  that  the  devil  is  lodged  firmly  up  his  ass.  charming,  bit  weird  but  that’s  not  uncommon  round  here.  general  practitioner  who  has  questionable  habits  when  it  comes  to  blood  tests.  likes  playing  the  part  of  the  perfect  citizen     /     definitely  not  smothering  dying  patients.  casanova  wannabe.  doesn’t  know  how  to  do  casual.  whiskey,  whiskey  and  more  whiskey.  probably  has  a  traumatic  backstory  that  doubles  as  a  villain  origin  story,  but  hasn’t  quite  figured  out  how  to  make  it  even  more  dramatic  than  it  already  is.  somehow  the  most  normal  of  all  of  these  dickheads.

randolph  elwood  tatz.     twenty - three.  let’s  not  kid  ourselves  here,  he’s  fucking  wacko.  primary  aesthetic:  hurtling  down  the  highway  at  120  km/h,  tid  out,  cackling  like   a  fucking  madman.  eldest  of  the  tatz  kids,  proud  to  be  the  bearer  of  the  most  unfortunate  name  of  all  of  them.  sounds  and  seems  like  he’s  on  crack,  but  genuinely  isn’t     ---     it  surprises  everybody.  put  a  demon  in  a  pageant  chihuahua  with  his  brother  and  now  the  damn  thing  won’t  stop  airing  his  dirty  laundry  to  the  public,  which     ---     stupid  fucking  dog  won’t  stop  tellin’  people  that  i  fucked  the  couch  when  i  was  13,  fuck  you.  probably  on  another  astral  plane  entirely.

talila  jordana  apfel.     nineteen.  jewish  princess,  golden  girl  of  the  synagogue,  cult - huntin’  wacko  in  her  free  time.  deserves  a  whole  lot  more  than  being  trapped  in  varying  shitty  situations  with  the  tatz  brothers  and  their  talking  dog  but  sometimes,  we  do  crazy  things  for  love.  shorts  and  shitty,  cheap  cotton  t - shirts,  ponytails  and  toothpaste  commercial  smiles.  hopeless  romantic  who  accidentally  fell  in  love  with  her  friend’s  boyfriend’s  brother,  which  is    ---     well.  an  angel  that  brattleboro  doesn’t  deserve.  wants  to  go  and  study  history  and  write  books,  but  doesn’t  know  whether  she’ll  make  it  to  25  if  she  keeps  going  the  way  she’s  going.  would  probably  be  the  suburban  girl - next - door  if  she  didn’t  sneak  out  of  the  house  to  go  hunt  demons.

trixie  jane  costello.      twenty - one.  cheetah - print  panties  and  questionable  morality.  catches  demons  with  nothing  but  a  swollen  vagina  and  much  courage.  raised  in  the  south,  and  it  fucking  shows.  would  probably  bite  your  dick  off.  late  90s  -  early  2000s  britney  spears  are  key.  ironically  wears  a  cross.  loud,  weird,  loves  excessive  pda  with  her  equally  weird  boyfriend.  goes  to  church  just  to  moan  at  inappropriate  moments.  never  learned  how  to  be  polite     /     socially  acceptable      /     not  a  complete  freak.  perpetual  gum - chewer.  cunty,  but  we  knew  that.  lana  del  rey  meets  weird  al.  wishes  she  could  shut  up,  but  is  physically  incapable  of  it.

[andromachewest-blog]

BACKGROUND —

the eldest daughter of three, helena andromache west was given a name to suit her parents occupations. her father is a professor of history, and her mother an archeologist; together, they somehow managed to make the past reality, infiltrating every corner of the west family home. andromache would wake in the morning with dust in her lungs, and go to bed at night under a blanket of books.

nothing in brattleboro is ever what it seems, and andi’s parents were no different. buried in among the sophocles and homer were ancient tombs, falling apart - magic, fortune telling, demon summoning, ghost-hunting. andi always rejected them as nonsense, but even she couldn’t deny the pull she had towards the little shop in the alley behind her grandmother’s house in nyc, the one she found herself entering when they wre in the big city on holiday, unaware, entranced.

her first pack of cards came from there, but they weren’t her last; now she finds it easy to tell fortunes using just about anything. she can lose herself in the dusty screen of her college laptop, or in the window of a starbucks, and images will jump out at her. she can pause a game of ring of fire, scoop up the cards, shuffle, and pull an ace. she closes her eyes and sees them: the wheel of fortune, the lovers, the tower. she’s a quiet person, observant, rude, uncaring of what others think of her, but sometimes she gets a hazy look in her eye, and when she does, it’s better to give her a wide berth, in case you find out something about yourself you’re not ready to hear...

WEALTH —

$  financial :  wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚  medical : fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable ✪  class or caste :  upper / middle / working / street trash / slave / unsure ✔  education :  qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖  criminal record :  yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no /

FAMILY  —

◓ marital status : married happily / married unhappily / engaged or betrothed / partnered / single / divorced / separated ◒  children :  has a child or children / has no children / wants children / verse dependent ◑  relationship with family :  close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / ◔  affiliation : orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parents / not applicable

TRAITS  +  TENDENCIES  —

♦  extroverted / introverted / in between ♦ disorganized / organized / in between ♦  close-minded / open-minded / in between ♦  calm / anxious / in between ♦  disagreeable / agreeable / in between ♦  cautious / reckless / in between ♦  patient / impatient / in between ♦  outspoken / reserved / in between ♦  leader / follower / in between ♦  empathetic / unempathetic / in between ♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between ♦  traditional / modern / in between ♦  hard-working / lazy / in between ♦  cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown ♦  loyal / disloyal / unknown ♦  faithful / unfaithful / unknown

BELIEFS  —

★  faith :  monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic / it’s complicated ☆  belief in divine right to rule: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ✮  belief in an afterlife :  yes / no / don’t know / don’t care ✯  belief in the supernatural :  yes / no / undecided ❀  philosophical :  yes / no

SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION  —

❤  sexuality : heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual ❥  sex : sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favourable / naive and clueless ♥  romance :  romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless ❣  sexually :  adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious / destructive

ABILITIES  —

☠  magical skills :  excellent / good / moderate / poor / none   ≡  literacy skills :  excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍  artistic skills :  excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂  technical skills :  excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

HABITS  —

☕  drinking alcohol :  never / sometimes / frequently / to excess ☁  smoking :  trying to quit / never / sometimes / frequently / to excess ✿  other narcotics : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess ♣  gambling : never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

THE MUN —

eliza / 21 / gmt: hi guys! I’m a classicist, I live in London, and I am so open to any kinds of plots you have no idea. also I am never on time and I’m meant to be working at 6:30am tomorrow yet here I am, roleplaying, which is all you ever need to know about me.

[flipsideds]

“   —  it’s not that the cupcake is you... or entirely inspired by you. i mean, that’d be a little weird? right? but the flavor, it’s -- uh... linked to your aura. loosely based. yeah. so. i’m hoping it doesn’t completely suck. ”   a beat. a grimace.  “ that -- wow, that... did not come out right. ”

or, alternatively:  this is somethin’ new! the casper slide part 2 !!   aka linc back at it again with another intro post. i  was casually getting fucked up on a beach yesterday, so here i am a little L8 with this post.   am i surprised?  nada.  am i ready 2 rumble??  fo sho ! 

*   ━  ━     have  you  met  brattleboro's  very  own BAKER  yet   ?   if  you  haven’t,  let  me  introduce  you  to  MONROE  FINNEGAN  KELLER   —  a  TWENTY-FOUR  year  old CISMALE,  HE  was  last  seen MIXING CAKE BATTER IN THE GIANT WITCH’S CAULDRON HE BOUGHT ON CLEARANCE FROM THE DOLLAR STORE LAST TUESDAY  whilst  listening  to  MR. SANDMAN.  oft  described  as  GULLIBLE,  EFFERVESCENT,  WINSOME  &  ICARIAN,  HE  won't  ever  tell  you  that  HIS NIGHTLY  ‘ LIGHT READING ’ CONSISTS OF ANTIQUATED BOOKS OF SPELLS & POTIONS, THE INSTRUCTIONS OF WHICH HE’S BEEN FOLLOWING IN ORDER TO SECURE A 2042 LOTTERY WIN ;   at  least  that's  what  the  rumour  is  around  town.    

this post is gonna be bare bones and hella disorganized because i want to start interacting ic asap and i am blessed with limited time!! hooray social life (not)! some basics about monroe include the following:

tbh goes by monty most of the time? but won’t be upset if you call him monroe. or asshole. or idiot. he’s flexible.

he is scarlett’s older brother! if you want an example of how close these siblings are, let’s just present you with EXHIBIT A: as is characteristic of the keller family, monroe does have natural red hair! but one night when they were kids, scarlett dyed his hair while he was asleep to secure her special spot as the family’s token redheaded child. and, upon seeing his new brunette locks, monroe actually dug them?? so he promised to always let scarlett have the redhead glory -- his hair now is canon what gregg’s looks like, with just a touch more auburn in the sunlight.

monroe, lowkey: * zeke from high school musical vc *   well if troy can tell his secret, then i can tell mine. i bake.

he was friggin terrified to tell his parents he wanted to own his own bakery instead of going to uni? so he structured the whole entire confession as a huge deal -- making them dinner, baking a cake, buttering them up with the, “you know i love you, and i’ll always want you to be proud of me... but i have to come clean about something important” speech. so they def assumed he was coming out?? what they didn’t count on was for him to come out as a baker. and soon after he opened his own bakery in town, whipping up decadent treats & lovely conversation for the locals!

his bakery is called ‘ sweet nothings ’ and it’s honestly adorable?? chill, cozy vibes. even if the baker is constantly running around from the back to the register, icing streaked across his face. it’s fine! it’s quirky! people dig it!

an absolute dork?? think the naive side of jake peralta meets ned from pushing daisies?

falls in love with someone every 2 seconds. a gentle bean.

okay so!! he found this BOGUS spellbook in the stupid public library, but somehow he trusts the thing wholeheartedly. he goes to farmers markets and picks up weird shit, learns the chants... he could literally do spells for anything. anything in the world. and this bish chose a future lotto win. the kicker???  he’s not even gonna friggin keep the cash!!  he wants to win big in 2042 and then donate the entire winnings to animal shelters in the area.

a snuggly bernese mountain dog in human form.

does he eat brown sugar cubes as snacks? is that even a question?

a terrible flirt. he blushes, stutters, ducks his head. repeat.

always involved in some sort of bullshit yet adorable feat. “ take your succulent to work day ”  and  “ get mugged:  byom mondays ”  are two of his stupid ideas that have somehow done really well?? who knew!

volunteers at the local shelter in his free time. wants a dog v badly. but is also v sniffly and allergic.

rolo’s minis are the best candies ever. and if you deny it, he might cry. just a little.

adores the oldies. sashays around with his pans and bowls as he bakes. if any customers catch him mid-batch, it’s quite the show.

he always smells like fresh mint and lavender with a hint of lemon.

monty at 2am on a tuesday: “ hey, i saw your snapchat and it looked like you were having a rough night, so i brought you some cupcakes and a listening ear ”

real soft!! real trusting !!  someone break him.

he’s got this calming presence? like when the sunshine just begins to pierce through after-rain clouds -- soft, fresh, ambient. inviting.

he’s a baker but he also loves to cook all things! let him take care of you! :’) def the type to bury his own stresses by worrying about other people!

lowkey lies awake at night wondering if he’s sold a baked good to the killer. and then worries himself wondering whether or not his baked goods were adequate enough for their taste.

woop woop, this was trash so pls hit me up on here or on discord if ya wanna plot something out! i’m out here! ( also ignore the weird tags; i’m using this as my tag dump too bc i’m lazy  (; )

[whmstdve]

  +  HORNY  ON  MAIN     /     DANIEL   ‘  DANNY   ’   SUTTER     ↷     GO  TF  IN  FOR  TIT - BITS  +  WCS     !

named daniel edgar sutter.    with hope he’d accomplish something that’s worthy of such strong caucasian name but.     nicknamed danny,  dan if you want to activate his customer service  /  obnoxious dad mode and be called  honey  back.

aged  twenty - two and has a bit of a clue of what to do.      studies film but acts like he’s a philosophy major and works past-time as a useless clerk at the bookstore.

tropes include  devil in plain sight,     pretty boy,     pastime proves personality,     affably evil,   extreme libido   &   unreliable narrator.

has nothing to lose aside from his sanity.    an ironic fascination for the paranormal  /  anything spooky is gorgeous from ghosts to ghouls  &  films the shits with his death - seeking squad of demon huntin’ fucks.    a car that’s not good for anything besides fucking in local transport.       a muffled suspicion he might be one with a demon who acts up more than ever lately   —   but he’d never say that out loud.    a raging semi that never goes unnoticed.     smooth hands you don’t trust for all reasons.     an unfortunate monotone voice he corrects by exaggerating his expressions.      his dad’s sheriff hat to seduce his girlfriend with.

+   smells faintly of coconut for godawful reasons related to those smooth hands of his and organic lube choices,  do the maths.

  +  WHOMST’D’V’E DO YOU CALL  ?     /     WANTED  CONNECTIONS     ↷     GET  SOME  OR  GET  GOD - MODDED     ⁽  ʲᵏˢ  ⁾    !

the rest of the demon huntin’ idiots      /      title says it all.   it’s a group of bored fucks who have and make time to take trips out of town to locations with alleged high paranormal  activities  -   preferably demonic, to be exact   -   to  “ investigate ”  ,  “ study ” and  “ document ”.       so far it’s danny editing and filming and trixie as a honey  /  demon trap.     more editors, camera / sound peeps, researchers, mediums, aspiring demonologists, transport, etc.       every and all additions are HOT.

his sibling      /      half, adopted or full  —  we stan regardless. they live together in his mom’s home with a recently absent father that they don’t speak about for whatever self - imposed reason   —   danny’s being,      he doesn’t like wondering what happened in fear that he might know after all and thinks they’re doing just fine anyways   —  their relationship is anything from default sibling relations to ignoring each other.

his neighbor      /      this could go from bestfriends growing up that could’ve drifted apart or not,     to   ‘   i remember what you don’t when you’re puking your guts out in my trashcan because you cannot hold your fucking liquor and i hate that you think it’s a skill you can build still, you weak fuck   ’   and danny trying to choke the embarrassing truth out of them,       or other related terrible concepts !

listen…..  absolutely anything else.      better or worse,  i’m here and ready.

[flipsideds]

“ —  and if you’re just tuning in now, you’ve made it just in time for our ‘ sleep with me ’ segment. nightfall has sufficiently fueled my ego and i’m reared and ready to go, compiling a playlist curated to get one lucky, hand-picked bastard in bed with me. tonight’s submission comes from camila, age 18 2/3, from two towns over. ”   rustling paper. a delighted scoff.  “ tonight, as per camila’s request, i’ll be attempting to seduce vincent van gogh.  vince, this is acid ghost’s ‘ the artist’s high ’, also known as what i hope i can be for you. ”

alternatively : yo yo, my dudes !!  my name is linc [ 19 | est | she/her/hers ] and you just witnessed an excerpt from killian beelzebub holmes’s local radio show, appropriately named fuckin’ hell !  call him kill, call him bez, or just call him the incredibly weird guy next door because holy shit, y’all. bez holmes has problems -- a whole mother truckin’ slew of ‘em.

*   ━  ━     have  you  met  brattleboro's  very  own  LOCAL RADIO HOST  yet   ?   if  you  haven’t,  let  me  introduce  you  to  KILLIAN BEELZEBUB HOLMES   —  a  TWENTY  -  SIX  year  old  CISMALE,  HE was last seen IN THE ARCHIVES OF THE PUBLIC LIBRARY TYPING UP A YAHOO! ANSWERS POST, “FATAL FUCK: EVERYONE I’VE EVER HAD SEX WITH DIES EXACTLY 53 HOURS LATER??” ON A NEAR-ORIGINAL MACINTOSH whilst  listening  to  ME AND MICHAEL.  oft  described  as  ECLECTIC,  INCISIVE,  OSSIFIED  &  LECHEROUS, he  won't  ever  tell  you  that  HE MAKES BIWEEKLY RITUAL SACRIFICES TO THE GOBLINS THAT HAVE TAKEN UP RESIDENCE IN THE ’47 JUKEBOX HE ACCIDENTALLY INHERITED FROM HIS DECEASED DENTIST ;   at  least  that's  what  the  rumour  is  around  town.

“road work ahead? uh, yeah, i sure hope it does!” ( alternatively: bez holmes, a roadmap. )

so bez is… a nutcase. he’s just... he’s that guy in the bar who seems so desirable. voice like warmed honey, a smile that could kill -- but dear lord, don’t get close to him. he’s fucked in the head. or, so some people like to say.

he’s a host at the local radio station, so he curates the music and talks through little segments throughout the day. works odd hours from 3pm-6am. people tune in for the music, mainly, but also his personality -- he tends to veer off-script a lot, which both aggravates and invigorates his superiors. he’s basically the only reason that radio station is still alive and kicking, so. they basically let him do whatever the hell he wants on air.

can he get…. a mfing…. cinnamon raisin waffle? dude’s obsessed. don’t mess with his waffles. waffles don’t play.

he has a knack for stumbling into stupid situations. y’know how there’s two people in the world? the kinds that act upon the universe and the kinds the universe acts upon? bez is that guy in textbooth math problems who has 42 apples for no reason. he’s the dude in on top of spaghetti whose poor meatball fuckin’ rolled out the door. things happen to bez holmes. his whole life is just a string of varied ( and usually nonchalant/unbothered/troublingly chill ) reactions to crazy shit.

for example !! he accidentally inherited his dead dentist’s vintage jukebox. yes, i know how that sounds, and it’s exactly that. but dear lord, that thing has just been infinitely fucking with him since the day it showed up on his doorstep three months ago. more about that later, though.

an example of a normal occurrence in bez’s life: “hey. so, uh… i know we just met, and maybe this is moving fast? but i saw this keychain in walgreens and it made me think of you. so… yeah. here. tell anyone i did anything nice for you and you’re dead to me tho.”

he seems smart. he seems so cunning, you guys. like, holy shit, he makes these deep ass statements on the air and curates music that makes people feel things. but don’t be fooled. he’ll drive wearing shades at 10pm just to look cool, all while bumping 80′s glam rock from his blue ‘67 impala. he’ll do that cliché head bop at stoplights, encourage other drivers to join in. 

don’t call him killian!! killian who?? his parents gave him “beelzebub” as a middle name to be funny and fuck with his mother’s father, who was a pastor. what they didn’t bank on was four-year-old bez insisting on being called by it -- you can guess how well that went over with his teachers and his peers. so to appease them, he accepted the nickname “bez” and has gone mainly by that ever since. most people probably don’t know his true first name, since he goes by “bez” on the air. but close friends and trusted individuals might occasionally call him “kill” or something to that effect.

pets are not bez’s thing. every houseplant he’s had has died. succulents wilt in his presence too, and he thinks maybe at this point, it’s a running joke among plantkind because his birth name has the world kill in it. still, even with his track record, he has a fish named nigel. nigel dislikes affection and bez. they engage in staredowns and silent mental warfare. bez often “forgets” to feed nigel or change the water in his tank, but that fish just will not die. nigel’s probably just truckin’ on to spite him.

aggressively writes the wrong date for like... 8 months following new year’s. so he finally gets it right for the final 1/4, and then the cycle begins again. additionally, cannot keep the days of the week straight. he’s started a multi-song alarm campaign in an attempt to rectify this situation. bez’ll report his findings in a week. if he remembers.

one time he got pulled over for speeding back from the radio station at 7 in the morning, and you know what he did? he freakin’ offered the cop some hard shit from his flask and some of his opened bag of funions. so the two of them got tastefully buzzed in bez’s car and talked about the kardashians for two hours. and it was through that very conversation that bez learned he’d been doing a very shit job of keeping up with them.

scared of birds. yes. those things? with the wings? terrified. how dare they occupy space above his head. how dare they swoop and swerve all around. no. his roommate in college  ( or what little college he did complete before dropping out his second year ) had a parakeet. maybe that bird finally went missing one day. maybe it escaped. to like, the afterlife. maybe bez helped. maybe.

he’s really bad at like … taking care of himself? funions, candy, and takeout forever.  what do you mean raisin bran crunch isn’t a wholesome, well-rounded meal? someone… pls fix that.

hella prone to bullshit! like… did you know aliens are real? yeah. really. hey did you check your horoscope today? what zodiac sign are you? he’ll pretend to know what zodiac he is like: hey, uh… listen .. . if your zodiac is asparagus don’t even bother being my friend… i’m a caprisun & it’s just not gonna work out. sorry.

memorizes commercial jingles. will sing them to prove points.

“what the fuck’s a kanye” - ezra becker, 2k18

“a mug shot? i don’t even drink coffee.” ( alternatively: more pointless headcanons because apparently i think this is necessary. )

don’t be fooled by the title of this section. he drinks coffee. a lot of coffee. with a lot of sugar added to it. he’s not sorry.

his signature half-smirk drives folks mad. he also has a collection of faithful listeners who like to call in and tell him how soothing his voice is.

lowkey writes his own music? lowkey has a few things recorded? but he’ll never actually do anything with ‘em.

owns an unironic walkman! enjoys it immensely! i know!

catch him in the local 24 hour diner spending his life savings on cinnamon raisin waffles and dimes for the jukeboxes! because LMAO, he’s not using the old one at his place!!!

convinced said old, stupid, 1947 jukebox in his apartment lays host to goblins. that thing shakes and quakes at odd hours. it’ll play shitty pop music that isn’t even in the dumb catalogue. sometimes it lights up when he trips over his own feet or accidentally burns his microwave popcorn. the fuckin’ thing is possessed and it’s mocking him. so, naturally, what is there to do but appease the tiny beings inside it?? he makes biweekly sacrifices to it -- mainly consisting of snack foods, candies, a casual sprinkling of his own blood. y’know. casual.

super into space? honestly would love to grab sushi with an alien sometime?

uh... everyone he sleeps with kind of mysteriously dies exactly 53 hours after. which is... kind of a problem, for a guy who likes to sleep around. is he a murderer? uhm, no, not exactly -- but he’s grown kind of immune to the guilt at this point. he stalks obituaries a couple days after his one-night-stands, just to check. so far, it’s been a consistent trend. he’s trying out this whole new thing of like... not going all the way? trying to save lives? but it’s really difficult and he’s losing resolve. he also can’t exactly tell his buddies, “ stop introducing me to your hot friends; if i fuck them, they’re dead. ” that probably wouldn’t go over well. he’s got enough crazy on his plate trying to appease the goblins.

“girl, you’re thicker than a bowl of oatmeal!” (alternatively: wanted plots.)

childhood neighbor / best friend.   i would love to have a person ( or several )  who knew him growing up, and kind of got to bear witness to how strange he’s become? maybe even be weirdos together? i dunno, let’s talk. bez grew up here in brattleboro -- moved here when he was about 6, so we’ve got some time to play with.

past relationships.   i imagine he’s had his fair share of flings in the past. he’s made many mistakes for sure. let’s uncover them.

close friends.   #squadgoals. but really, though. i’d love for bez to have a tightknit group of 3-4 people who he just clicks with. they wreak havoc, but it’s all in good fun.

enemies.    i would love to have an enemies plot that’s actually hilarious? like one tiny thing catapulted these two into a mutual, deep, to-the-bones kind of hatred. it’s irrational, but they’re so infuriated by one another’s presence that all they can do is think of stupid quips and glare from afar. i imagine their public interactions bring onlookers a lot of poorly stifled laughs, because it’s just like... they’re so obviously trying so hard to hate one another with absolutely zero grounds.

miscellaneous.  maybe they got his mail and returned it to his door, and it sparked the beginning of a beautiful friendship. maybe they met in the park when this person’s dog peed on bez’s shoe. maybe they’re a frequent listener to bez’s show and they bonded over that? or perhaps they both enjoy engaging in semi-friendly grocery store competitions to see who can get to the ripest apples the quickest? anything’s possible!