#success can be and is more fulfilling than romantic love for soooo many women like.... she's not some sad lonely pathetic figure lmao

[whiskeyswifty]

"the only kind of girl they see is a one night or a wife" and "i gave my blood sweat and tears for this" and "like i'd be saved by a perfect kiss" and "something different bloomed, writing in my room" and "he wanted a bride, i was making my own name, chasing my fame" like what’s not clickinggggg she’s saying hey soooo once again can you guys stop acting like me getting married would be the pinnacle of my life and the most fulfilling thing to happen to me instead of, oh idk, how fulfilling the complete realization of my dreams was and then how fulfilling all that I’ve achieved beyond what I could have ever dreamed was after that? I mean it’s just a massive empire I built myself purely off my own talent and a few corny jokes and is the culmination of my life’s work and everything I’ve ever wanted and although it has its ups and downs I have and will choose it every time, whether i'm 15 or 35, over any romance cuz this career and fame and recognition for my talent is my one true love in life and not being some guys wife, or whatever.

[freshapplecider]

I’m really intrigued by your answer to your last ask! (about the psychology and all) Could you possibly expand on that or link some resources?

In my limited experience, I’ve always felt this sense of censorship and self-sacrifice when I’m in a relationship. To some extent, I’ve convinced myself that it’s a beautiful thing to make space in your life to connect and grow with someone, even to the point of supreme compromise, but I feel like the people I’ve been romantically involved with just don’t understand that in quite the same way…which leads me to me believe and feel that a loving relationship with myself makes me feel more fulfilled…at least for the time being…

Yeah, but I’m not 100% comfortable answering because literally all of my sources are from college courses and I cleared my history after this semester ended, soooo I guess take it all with a grain of salt if you feel so inclined! 

I graduated this past semester and I took a few social psychology and human sexuality classes over 6 years; the only book I still have is from general human sexuality (it's called Human Sexuality: Diversity in Contemporary Society, by Yarber and Sayad, published in 2019). I believe the research is touched on in the chapter on relationships, which isn't super extensive because it's relatively new, but basically men tend to "date down" meaning they choose partners who don't exceed their own success as individuals, especially when it comes to intelligence. There was a particular study where men and women were made to take a difficult math test, before which these men claimed to like intelligent women, but after the women scored better than them, the men rated the women as less attractive. So the research suggests that if you're a woman who ticks all of these boxes herself (objective physical attractiveness, intelligence, success, etc.) it's more difficult to find an equal match because the men who do meet you where you are in these areas don't want to date you because they aren't looking for an equal partner. There is even more research about how men tend to view their own relational success in terms of how many sexual partners they can have whereas women view relational success in terms of commitment, so "successful" women have a hard time finding men who want to commit (this was from a video from a social psych course I took this year, I believe it was a TedXTalk that I cannot find). Obviously there are exceptions to this - these are just very general findings, and new research is done every day. But it does help put things in perspective for me personally because I used to view the fact that I haven't been in a relationship as a personal failing or a result of lacking something essential to be loved, when in reality it isn't all about me.

I've had feelings similar to yours as well and it has helped to develop a stronger sense of myself, which I think is incredible and valuable and essential to have any healthy and good relationship in the future, but I have also seen the evidence and research on how important it is to have loving partnerships even when you are working on yourself, romantic and otherwise (there is another video from my social psych class this past semester that I remembered by title, so here’s that). In any case, I just think relationships are so essential to our lives, but they are so commodified under capitalism that they are made so much more complicated than they need to be and it leaves too many people unhappy and unhealthy. Moral of the story is we can survive on our own and in a lot of ways we can gain insight into ourselves from our solitude, but we literally need other people if we ever hope to grow beyond our very limited senses of ourselves.

[hamliet]

GOT 8.03 I Know Death

Well... I can’t lie. If the WW threat is really over, that was a wee bit of a letdown, but seriously WHAT A WAY TO GO. That was honestly one of the most brutal hours of television I’ve ever watched. I’m not surprised the true enemy is Cersei but. Sigh. Supposedly episodes 3-5 are like... one cohesive story according to the director with a beginning middle and end soooo I have questions? 

Whatever. Let’s talk characters. 

First of all, IS GHOST OKAY???? 

A moment of silence for Edd, Beric, LYANNA, and the nameless characters we still cared for. Double moments for Jorah and Theon, Amen. Lyanna did not deserve to die, but at least she took out a giant? 

JORAH and THEON

The big deaths imo. If it wasn’t clear, they were always parallel characters. Their arcs both follow the same structure:

trust (Theon is like family, Jorah Dany’s most trusted/House Mormont)–>

betrayal (of the Starks for Theon for the sake of his blood family, of Dany for the sake of returning to his blood family for Jorah)–>

suffering (Reek and exile to Essos/for the Dany betrayal, greyscale)–>

redemption (saving Dany from the Dothraki, saving Sansa)–>

near-death experience (greyscale and losing Yara to Euron)–>

forgiveness (Dany welcoming Jorah, Lyanna Mormont wishing him luck; Sansa embracing Theon)–>

death saving someone they once betrayed. Jorah, saving Dany. Theon, saving Bran, the boy he lied about killing.

Not to mention they both have love stories that alas, are not to be, with Sansa for Theon (you can interpret the love however you wish) and with Dany for Jorah, though that one was unrequited romantically, it was still love.

Not to mention both of them completed “redemption(esque)” arcs, along with...

MELISANDRE

I’m not getting into this Azor Ahai stuff because the writing on that looks skeptical at best to me. Still, she was able to fulfill her desires--to save the world basically--and die in relative peace. I liked her moment of doubt in her faith before the trenches lit as well. 

ARYA and BRAN

Arya is the person who, after all, has been bragging about knowing death and its many faces, who trained to become an agent of death. Her killing the NK is a way of her asserting herself as a part of the living, as a Stark, not as a faceless (wo)man. The fact that she did it protecting Bran further cements this. She is a Stark of Winterfell. She is not nor has she ever been no one.

TYRION and SANSA and MISSANDEI and GILLY

Missandei and Gilly may not have major roles, but they are parallels and if one is okay the other should be as well. Missandei’s line to Sansa was great, and I say that as a massive Sansa stan (she’s my favorite character). Dany sacrificed so much to save them all, and none of them would be alive without her. 

I liked Sansa’s scenes with Tyrion as well. It was a good way to give closure to that relationship. 

The scene in the crypts, though, was agonizing, but for me the true horror was long before the dead broke in, the scene when people outside were begging to be let in, and they couldn’t save them. They truly could not, and that was agonizing, but it was the right thing to do, and Sophie Turner did a great job showing the anguish on Sansa’s face. You can’t save everyone. 

BRIENNE and JAIME

They saved each other, amen. And Pod is alive. 

DANY and JON (and CERSEI )

Well, now the focus will likely shift back to politicking. Again, I’m not here for Mad Queen bullshit--or, er, well, there is indeed a Mad Queen: Cersei. Who didn’t appear for two whole episodes so I’m absolutely terrified. 

Dany has lost Jorah, the one who has been with her since season 1, the closest thing she has to family since her husband and her baby died which is pretty traumatizing. Let’s break down how this season is challenging Dany: its methodically picking apart what she thinks she knows about herself and her family and her value. She assumed it was all on her to continue the honor and legacy of her family (the Iron Throne). Now, she has a relative still alive and will probably have another family member soon (more later). The Iron Throne isn’t hers according to the rules of succession. Everything Dany has believed about herself has been flipped now. She also just lost Viserion, who was like her child, her dragons are injured, and the Dothraki, her tie to her first husband and her dead child, the people who follow her like the free folk follow Jon, were massacred. Dany has lost a lot. I am expecting Dany to be in the lowest place we’ve ever seen her next episode. I’ve said before the Iron Throne is a coping mechanism; she’ll probably cling to it even more because she has nothing else... except Jon.

Theory time: I’m honestly guessing that Dany is pregnant, or will be in the next couple episodes to further extend the foiling with Cersei (it’s dumb AF writing if she isn’t, since that was simply foreshadowed too strongly not to happen), and I do think she’ll lose the other two dragons eventually to parallel losing her three “dragon children” with Cersei losing her three children. Does she want the Iron Throne, the childhood coping mechanism, the story Viserys used to feed her as a child to keep her going while assassins were trailing them, or does she want a family? (She wants the latter I think.) The choice will be to become Cersei or become like Sansa, to remain a child clinging to stories or to be an adult and choose her fate. 

Which... again there’s inherent misogyny in that because a woman CAN have power and a family and that both Cersei and Dany are portrayed as “oh noes the danger!” is irritating, but w/e. They’re probably going to drag this “will she won’t she” out until the last couple episodes, but there’s no point to her ending up like Cersei. That being said, one thing I will say is that I reallllllly do appreciate that the women are getting the arcs. 

One more thing on the deaths: I just knooow there will be people complaining about the lack of major-major deaths, but really, it’s fairly predictable that most of the MCs with arcs still need to finish said arcs. I am still betting that we’re going to have MC character deaths in the next three episodes. I do not, however, expect Bran, Sansa, Arya, Jon, or Dany to be among them. Really, I get annoyed when ppl complain about the lack of major deaths–anyone with a narrative background could have told you Catelyn, Robb, and Ned dying was inevitable because the story is about the children and specifically the cripples, the bastards, the broken things, rising up and creating a better world than the ones their fathers left for them (oh hey, Dany said that to Yara–whom I also think will survive thanks to Theon’s death). I also think Davos, Brienne, Grey Worm and Missandei, and Sam and Gilly (and Little Sam) should survive. All of these characters are characterized by loyalty and justness, just like Ned Stark was. However, unlike Ned? They’ve all been able to grow and learn to be wise with their loyalty. Game of Thrones isn’t as unpredictable as you might think; stories follow narrative structures, GOT just happens to excel at red herrings.