#suchapinginrant

[chumpmagump]

woah wild shana appears on tumblr sporadically  feelin real basic i dont have good intro soz  no one reads this shit anyway so why do i care? why am i putting a question mark? why am i still acting like i have an audience okay back to the basic pop music and basic thoughts mainly because i need some mainstream shit after being flooded by people who are ‘’ interesting’’ maybe too interesting, their brain is like the school of thought compacted into 10 minute conversations though. So everything is WOAH INTENSE 

im on my second cup of chai so i feel alright for typing shit that doesnt make sense  but seriously, you know those people who just seem very cultured and their brain has no filter, they can talk about stuff for 50 minutes and then realise theyve been talking a whole lot and go to ask you something but you’re just so fizzled out you can’t possibly think of something witty to say. idk man, my social game is off probably because my new job has got me aching for movies and just generally a good cuddle and 8 hours of sleep. 

why do people feel the need to talk constantly talk in metaphors, its like shakespreare shit. this is why god old bogan talk can be weirdly refreshing if youve been living around artsy farsty cities. nothing like a ‘’ i’m good aye, whats been hapening in your block’’ to reset. the guys im seeing are cool ( dont appreciate the not so honest honesty tho, will have to chat about that), the kind i wouldnt take to see my friends because my friends are just too chill for that like letstalkabouttheuniverserandomly. idk, theyre uni students who live a routined life not musicians or travel escapists  haha, no seriously its so nice to chill with people who kind of make my brain fizz at the beginning, it makes me realise how flat and dead i have been inside in previous relationships.

i dont have time for friends who (ironically are guys) think me seeing multiple people is disgusting or stupid because i sleep with them. Yeah you can say you wouldnt do it personally, or like it. But once you bring the argument into it that it’s gross to sleep around you are immediately associating sex with respect and to me that screams  i’m insecure and use sex as a weapon. Hell one of my friends said he didnt even want to hear about my meetings with new people. literally lost respect for me type thing.  so yeah, two friends out of the picture unless they wanna maybe realise what they said does have a direct correlation to their view of me. 

you cant just say to someone, i think its stupid to hook up with people and disgusting but then cover it with a lovely shade of pink in ‘’ but i dont see you as any less of a person’’. it doesnt make any sense and if anything i still lose respect for  you, for your slut shaming tactics.

I’m not meeting people with the intent to have sex all the time, and even if i was why should that bother someone to the point they lose respect for a person?  shoutout to cody, aprelle, julian and emma for understanding these wild concepts.

work is crazy, im finally learning my bartending shit, it’s interesting and i feel overworked and underpaid in this particular venue though. next year i think i’ll move on. 

some coworkers wow amazing how much a person can be an asshole and still live for others to tell the tale. 

bite my tongue and move the fuck on with a small ‘‘ fuckin bitch’‘ under the breathe. Imma have to get tactful in maybe making them feel a bit passively guilty about their actions otherwise i will just bust out some kendrick lyrics  no wonder people are dead assholes irl who work in hospo.  please dont kill my soil, kill it enough so i can scald and rebuild new flesh that can tolerate asshole level beta though. please, thanks anyway Vsauce , hotel hell and school of life youtube vids and chai have been heloing me restore battery life so maybe this week i can bust out of my shell and actually feel like an active participant rather than a silent observer. im done feeling like what i say doesnt matter, if it doesnt then why do i need you in mylife? thats on you,  not me  time to restore myself, learning baby steps all over again.  essentially thats how we die inside and thats how free spirits or people who dont conform to society look so appealing yet annoying, because we envy them. we wish we could have the guts to break out of the conformity that holds us, dance in street, sing loudly in a public bathroom yet we dont because we are forced to keep our children (inner child) tucked quietly away until home time.’ hence why bruno mars and chai is on my agenda tonight. 

we die when reach that age considered ‘’ young adult’’, yknow the age where the head school coordinator gathers all the kids in grade 8, with a speech of mumbo jumbo, ‘’have fun,... but you also have to know your shit, don’t be young and free, i mean be young and free but do your taxes’’’

its just science, we are socially learnt from young people that being a ‘’young adult’’ comes with the responsibility of not playing with toys, time to learn finance, but you can reserve play time for saturdays and evenings.. yet only selective playtime is appropriate for young adults.. which is still not play time is it? drugs, alcohol, sex , yknow the adullt playtime.  hell even your playtime isnt free and is run by some  invisible societal king. oo what would happen if someone farted in public? the king comes down from his throne and instills a worthy crime of .. nothing. that’s what i mean we are playing ourselves, we’re all fools.

so yes maybe i wont fart in public but ill be working on realising there is no king.