#suyama shoji | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

astrawberryoctopus · 9 years

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Riverside

Characters: Suyama Shoji, Sakaeguchi Yuuto, Sakaeguchi Wakako, Sakaeguchi Yukihiro Pairing: Suyasaka Warnings: Angst, Hospital-setting? //ask me to add warnings if there’s need Words: 5,234 Notes: Merry Christmas Nic @pagsywagsy!! Sorry this is so late omg I can’t believe I’m giving you angst for Chirstmas but here it is lmao thank you for being such an amazing friend and being in Miyunori hell with me (and chiyo, god bless chiyo) haha sharing silly/angsty hc with you is always so much fun<3

Summary: Sakaeguchi has the perfect Chirstmas gift for Suyama, the only problem being that it gets a little beat up before he has a chance to give it to him.

Laying on the ground, completely covered in snow and breathing heavy from having just finished their snowball fight was Suyama and Sakaeguchi. They had offered to shove out the snow since a lot of people were coming over for the Christmas Party. That idea didn’t last long as Sakaeguchi smashed a snowball into Suyama’s face and war was declared.

Sakaeguchi hadn’t realized the mistake he had made until he was bombarded by snow while he tried his best to throw some in. Halfway through he changed his tactic to covering behind a tree and throwing fewer but more accurate balls. It worked better but Suyama seemed like an expert and really he had no chance.

In the end, Sakaeguchi ask for surrender, throwing his hands up in the air and saying he had won. No progress was made after that mess. Sakaeguchi was shivering from the cold and Suyama agreed to go inside for some hot cocoa. Leaving the shovels behind, Sakaeguchi pulled the other into a hug and then a kiss.

“Suyama I…”

He was startled awake by a hand patting him on the shoulder. Someone was calling his name, he realized half awake, half asleep. Suyama groaned as he tried to wake up, slowly feeling more alert of his surroundings he tried to rub the sleepiness away. He was so tired, exhausted.

“Y-yeah?” He finally said looking to the nurse that was looking at him worryingly.

“A patient arrived, you’re needed. Come on.” And then as Suyama stretched and started to stand, she handed him a cup of warm coffee into his hand. “I brought you some coffee.”

“You’re an angel,” Suyama said gratefully taking the cup and hurrying up to stand up and get his things. The nurse walked beside him, informing him of the new patient.

There was no ID to be found at the site of collision, and his injuries too severe to be recognizable. He had been traveling alone in the highway when someone lost control of his vehicle because of the snow. The family on the other car seemed to be fine for the most part and were given treatment right now. The John Doe seemed to be far off, probably in need of surgery.

Suyama arrived at the scene and sighed. From Suzuki’s description he was expecting the worst but at least he had hope of recovery. Now he wasn’t sure. Still he was quick to work, efficiently leading the other doctors and nurses that were helping and doing the best he could. He finally sent the patient to surgery due to internal bleeding that needed to be stopped. The John Doe was rushed to surgery and Suyama was left with a very bad feeling he hope was nothing.

The next update from the patient came from the same nurse, Suzuki, who told him that he had survived surgery and was out of danger but in critical conditions. He was sent to the ICU and was currently unconscious. That meant he wasn’t his patient anymore, and usually he didn’t let himself get attached to patients (or people he wasn’t sure were going to make it), still despite his better judgment he asked Suzuki to keep him informed.

He told himself that was enough to keep his gut feeling at bay. Yet, that morning after his shift was over, he visited the ICU nurse station and asked for an update again. There was still no name and while he was out of danger at least he wasn’t getting better.

Being an emergency doctor he had seen a lot and he knew that accidents like that happened, but that didn’t make it any better and being so close to Christmas made it worst. Even with a couple of years of experience, it was still hard. He sighed at the news and thought about visiting the guy’s room.

“You still here? Go have some rest.” Another nurse told him, patting him on the shoulder.

Suyama nodded and agreed, after working two shifts back to back he was completely exhausted. Looking one last time at the chart, unable to shake that gut feeling he had, he said his goodbyes and drove home.

Having promised his family to fly down to his hometown to spend Christmas with them, Suyama had done near the impossible to have that day off and two more. Which meant he needed to work two more back to back shifts, on Christmas Eve. He didn’t mind if it meant having Christmas day off.

Walking out of the dressing room after having changed to scrubs, he saw Suzuki who flagged him down to the nurse station with her hand while she was talking on the phone. Suyama walked over and waited for her to finish the call with an “alright, got it.”

“Hey handsome!” She smiled and Suyama only laughed. “I got some good news for you, thought you should know.” And then she went to look through the folders on her desk, skimming through several until she saw a certain one and then gave it to him. “The John Doe. We have a name. Sakaeguchi Yuuto. 30. He doesn’t live here but his family is coming over soon...”

But Suyama was only halfway listening after hearing the name. It couldn’t possibly be his Sakaeguchi. He took the folder from her hands and skim through it quickly. All the information, it was him. It was Sakaeguchi.

“What’s wrong?” Suzuki asked after watching his expression change. “You know him?”

“I uh,” Suyama tried but no words came out of his mouth. There was no way.

Sakaeguchi had left the city after long talks and a few tears, in hopes of him getting his masters in his dream school. He wasn’t suppose to come back until the next year and while he had been upset that they weren’t spending Christmas together he understood. This couldn’t possibly be his Sakaeguchi.

Suzuki gently pushed him to the chair and made him sit down, went to get some water for him and offered him the glass. “Friend? Boyfriend?” She tried.

“Fiance.” Suyama finally said. He shook his head at the offered water as he continue to stare at the chart. “He was...is! My Fiance.”

Humming thoughtfully, Suzuki nodded. It wasn’t on the chart in the family section. She wondered briefly if it was not official but didn’t pushed the topic further, opting instead to helping Suyama out of the shock. It took him a while to finally get out of it and when he did she patted him in the shoulder. “He’s going to be alright Suyama. I’ll keep you updated okay?” And then after glancing at the clock she added. “Can you work?”

Suyama nodded absently, not entirely sure if he actually could but he needed to. There was no room nor time for him falling apart. So when Suzuki asked him if he was sure he nodded again and made to stand up. “Just...keep me updated.”

Suzuki nodded and watched him go even if she was worried. She had to tell the nurses to keep an eye on him just in case.

With the holidays approaching, it quickly got too busy for him to have time to think about it. It got so busy that he had only been able to quickly eat half a sandwich and gulp down half a soda in between calls.

Twelve hours into his shift, and before his next shift technically started, he ran upstairs to the ICU. Suzuki hadn't give him any update which he supposed was a good thing but that didn't help him worry less.

Compared to the hectic place that was the ER, the ICU was relatively quiet, nurses coming in and out of the room, some doors closed with their lights off, others with family inside. It was a completely different scenario than what he was used to.

Suyama visited the nurses station to ask for his room and after been given directions to the room on the far back to the right he walked to the room indicated. According to Yui, his family was coming over soon if he wanted to stay to greet them. It seemed like Suzuki had told her but he shook his head and told her he had another shift starting soon.

Now walking to the room, he felt his heart beat harder than he ever thought possible and unable to really breath. By now he should be recognizable, he thought and if it really was Sakaeguchi he would know. A part of his felt guilty that he had not recognize him from the start but he wasn't suppose to be there and it never crossed his mind.

Entering the room he closed the door behind him, not bothering to turn on the lights of the room. The sun was setting but there was enough light filtering inside for him to be able to see his face.

It really was him. Sakaeguchi.

A soft sob escaped his lips as he walked closer to the bed and tentatively patted his hair. “Sakaeguchi...no...please…” He whispered. Feeling weak on his knees he kneel down beside the bed, holding his hand tightly, desperately. “Yuuto, please.”

Suyama remained there for as long as he could until one of the nurses came inside to check on Sakaeguchi and he remembered that he was suppose to be on call right now. He looked up at the clock, he was definitely late.

Looking for something to write on his pocket, he quickly took out some post-its and a pen and scribbled his pager. “Let me know if something changes. Or if his family arrives. Anything, really. Please.”

The nurse nodded, “of course.” And watched him go as he rubbed angrily at his face and tried to keep composure. He needed to be okay and have a clear mind for his patients even if he wasn’t. Taking the stairs to give himself more time to breath and calm down, he walked down quickly rushing to the ER. As soon as he walked in he was called to help and he rushed to the patient, pushing everything on the back of his mind.

An hour later his pager beeped with a message from the ICU nurse, it read that the family had arrived. There was no way he could run upstairs to meet with them as much as he wanted. He still had 10 more hours before his shift was over and from the looks of it this Christmas Eve was going to be busy. Visitation hours would be over by then and given that it would be 6 AM there was no way he’ll be able to meet them. He was also supposed to fly back home that afternoon and needed to go home, shower and pack before going to the airport.

But how was he suppose to fly back when Sakaeguchi was there, in the ICU with no sign of progress. In this situation what was he suppose to do.

His shift ended without any other update which Suyama couldn’t decide if it was a good thing or not. But once he was free, after checking on everyone and making sure everything was like it was suppose to be, he went back up to the ICU. Since it was 6 in the morning, everything was quieter than before. The lights dimmed enough to not be hard on the eyes but bright enough for the doctors and nurses to see.

When Yui saw him walking inside as she was walking out of the ICU, her shift being over, she patted him on the shoulder to get his attention. “The family came here and asked for you. I told them you were working but once you were available you’ll call them.”

Suyama nodded and grabbed the phone number that she gave him. “Thank you, really.”

She smiled softly at him and patted him on the shoulder again. “He’s not getting any worse and you know this things take time.”Squeezing his shoulder once she then said her goodbyes and left.

It was the same as before, nothing had changed. He pulled the chair that was closest to the bed and just held his hand. Everything felt surreal, like it couldn’t possibly be happening and this was just a bad dream. He knew better than wish it was just that, but he still wished, prayed that this was just a nightmare. Exhausted, he laid his head on the bed while he rubbed Sakaeguchi’s hand.

When he woke up, a nurse was checking Sakaeguchi’s vitals. She quickly apologized, saying she didn’t meant to wake him up but Suyama shook his head and said it was alright. “What time is it?” He asked groggily, rubbing at his eyes.

“10 AM.” She replied after looking at her watch.

Suyama groaned loudly and then apologized. “I’m going to miss my flight,” he said as a form of explanation. She just nodded but said nothing.

There was just no way he could leave Sakaeguchi like this, even if his family was here, it felt wrong to leave them all behind. It still seemed really unfair to his family who were excited to see him after a year of not being together. Both choices just seemed wrong. But even if he hurried and did everything right this instant he was going to miss his flight. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep there but it happened and there was nothing he could do anymore.

So he stepped outside and walked toward the waiting area, taking his phone out and dialing his mother’s number. Within the first dial, her mom picked up with a worried, “Suyama!”

“Hey, mom.” He said confusion blended in his voice. She sounded worried and he wondered if something had happened to them.

“We just heard,” she whispered and after a silence, afraid to asked. “How is he?”

It took a moment for it to make sense to Suyama but then, all at once it hit him. Of course she would had know, their families (everyone from Nishiura, to be honest) were really close even after high school and when they had confessed to been dating both their families had essentially turned into one big one. It only made sense that she knew.

“He, uh…” As much as he tried for his voice to not break, the realization of the situation was starting to hit him so as soon as his voice started to waver he coughed and tried to continue. “He’s unconscious...stable at least, but we just won’t know, for, uh, a while.”

Suyama heard his mom sniffled across the phone and it started to be too much for him. “I’m going to be praying for him, to get better.” And then after another sniffle she added. “And you, Shoji. I’m so sorry. I’m here for you, a phone call away. Stay there with him. Stay strong.”

As much as he tried to stay strong he hurried to the bathroom that was beside the waiting room, a sob escaping his lips. A single sob turned into waterfall of tears as he held the phone next to his ear as best as he could and half listened to his mom’’s comforting words. For being a doctor, an ER physician at that, he felt pretty pathetic that instant. He felt too old to be crying like this.

The phone call ended half an hour later, with promises of keeping her updated about everything and wishing him and the Sakaeguchi family prayers and best thoughts. Before they ended the call, Suyama told her he was sorry, that he couldn’t possibly come back for Christmas but his mom instantly hushed him and told him it was fine.

Taking a moment to gather his strength again, he stood up and check himself in the mirror as he washed his face with cold water. His eyes were red, his face a complete mess from mixture of lack of sleep and crying. Suyama didn’t care as he exited the bathroom and walked to his car.

He had asked to be called if any change happened so he ran back to his small apartment to quickly shower, change clothes, eat something quick and meet with Yuuto’s family. It was probably going to be his dad, he thought even if his siblings were old enough, it only made sense that it’ll be his dad.

This couldn’t happen to this family. Not them. They had lost their mother already, losing a sibling, a son, it would be too much. Suyama felt so desperate, so angry, so upset, so many different emotions he couldn’t possibly named. ‘Not Sakaeguchi’ he repeated mentally as if that would make any difference. He felt so helpless.

Suyama hadn’t realized it was Christmas day until he had arrived back to the hospital and there were more decorations than usual. It didn’t hit him until he saw a Santa walking up the reception hall and he pulled his phone to check the date. December 25th. He knew he was traveling on Christmas day, he knew yesterday was Christmas Eve, but he had somehow missed the connection.

A sigh escaped his lips as he walked down to the elevator and pushed the button up. His family was already there according to Yui, and he was meeting them to talk for the first time.

His mind wander back to the talk he had with his mom that morning. She had told him that Wakako had explained to her that Yuuto was going to surprise him that night in their apartment. After a lot of lamenting that this was their first Christmas separated, Yuuto had made the impossible make it work and arrive to their apartment, have an early Christmas dinner with the Sakaeguchi’s to then leave again.

Now inside the elevator, it felt suffocating and it was hard to breath as he tried not to start crying again. He tried to breath in, closing his eyes and focusing everything on breathing, zoning out until the elevator’s sound took him out of his thoughts. He needed to be strong, he remind himself.

Walking to the room he had now memorized, was no better than inside the elevator. His heart beating faster than before, his breathing becoming harder and his mind feeling foggy. Entering the room, he immediately saw Wakako beside him, sitting on the chair with her eyes close but tears evident on her face. She seemed to be praying so he quietly entered the room and waited. There was no one else in the room.

Wakako opened her eyes and noticed Suyama instantly, she smiled softly before she broke into a sob that she tried to muffled with her hand. Suyama instantly walked beside her, and she instantly stood up to hug him as she cried in his arms. He said nothing as he stroke her hair softly and let her cry.

Once they both had calmed down (Suyama had shed a few tears as much as he tried not to), Suyama offered to sit down and talk and she agreed. They sat by the makeshift benches on the back of the room where the windows were and started talking.

The father wasn't coming according to Wakako, he had been out on a business and he couldn't possibly get out. While their brother had been informed, Wakako firmly told him to stay at home while she saw how things were. Wakako was dealing with everything in her own, again.

Sakaeguchi never talked much about his mom beside the occasional comment, but the one thing he always said was how much respect he had for his sister. “She essentially became our mother.” And with such a nostalgic fond smile he had said almost in tears. “I’m forever grateful.” But this time he wasn't going to let her shoulder everything, this time he was there to help her.

They talked for a while, until they both realized they were hungry and Suyama invited her to eat. She suggested just going downstairs to eat but Suyama refused and suggested going out someplace else. Although reluctant to leave the hospital, if there was something Suyama was really good at was convincing people.

Both forgetting that it was Christmas day again, they searched for a while only to find almost everything closed down until they found a modest small dinner. Talk picked up again as soon as they seated down and Suyama asked how things were with the job. It cheered her up for a bit, talking about anything that was not the accident or hospital-related. It was nice, as if he was catching up with his big sister.

An hour later they decided to go back to the hospital and stay with Yuuto. It only felt right.

“Do you…” Wakako started but seemed to regret having broken the nice silence on the way back. Still, she gulped down and finished. “Do you believe in Christmas miracles Shoji?”

Suyama felt his heart drop, turning to look at her briefly before focusing back on the road. ‘Never give false hope Suyama. It’s always better to be straight even if the news are bad ones. Don’t give hope that doesn’t exist to make a family feel better, it’s only going to make things worst in the end.” He could hear his mentor’s voice in his head as he scrambled on what to say.

“I think Yuuto has a fighting chance,” he said truthfully. “He’s stable and while he isn’t getting any better, he isn’t getting any worse. We just...we have to be patient.”

Wakako nodded, trying hard not to cry again but when she lost the battle she simply turned her head away toward the window. The rest of the ride was quiet.

The day dragged by quietly, uneventful, tortuously. Sitting beside the hospital’s bed, each by Yuuto’s side, their hands on top of his. Sometimes one or the other would start talking to him as if he was awake, sharing embarrassing stories or simply talking. Wakako refused to leave his side, so Suyama often offered to go buy them coffee or something to eat.

“It’s 12 AM.” Wakako announced, glancing at the clock and then at Suyama who only nodded. “No Christmas miracle, uh?”

“I’m sorry,” was all Suyama could say before she smiled and a sob slipped out of her lips.

Two days.

It was two days later now and Sakaeguchi was still unconscious, no sign of progress or otherwise.

This was his final free day before he had to go back to work and he wasn’t sure he could concentrate with Sakaeguchi on the ICU room and him downstairs.

Suyama was starting to truly worry, the biggest what if, his biggest fear becoming literally unthinkable. He couldn’t even bear thinking of it. As much of a strong face he was fronting (although a part of him thought that Wakako knew anyways and ironically was putting a strong face for his sake too) for Wakako, he was terrified and losing hope.

The worst part of it was his logical, medical side of the brain that told him that the longer it took him to wake up, the fewer his chances of recovery became. He wanted to shut that part, he wanted to stay hopeful and perhaps even ignorant. But he couldn’t. All those years of practice and studying and learning screamed above his hope.

But even worst than that, much worst than him losing hope, was watching Wakako losing hope, her trying to stay strong yet watching her wither as the days (hours, minutes) passed by.

After a lot of insisting, Yukihiro had come to visit for a few hours later on that day. He had insisted on coming visit since he had known and really they couldn’t deny him that.

So he arrived sometime in the afternoon, say brief greetings to then walked up next to the bed. When tears started to fall, Wakako stepped in to hug him and Suyama opted to leave the room and give them some privacy. He walked toward the waiting area, sat down in the empty room with his hand supporting his head and closed his eyes.

Suyama hadn’t realize he had fallen asleep sitting down there until he was woken up by a worried Yukihiro. There was a vague lingering memory of last Christmas when both his family and Sakaeguchi’s spend Christmas together.

He felt sick though, really sick. Without even hearing what Yukihiro had said he apologized and ran toward the bathroom. He silently followed Suyama and waited patiently with a cup he had gotten from the coffee station filled with water and offered it to him once he left the stall.

“Thank you,” he said after washing his mouth in the sink and taking a few sips.

The other simply nodded and followed Suyama out of the bathroom. “He..” He finally said as they walked back to the room.

“I don't know,” he said truthfully after realizing that he wasn’t going to complete the question.. As much as he wanted to say that yes he was going to wake up and be okay, he really didn’t know anymore. “Have you eaten anything yet? We can go out to buy something to eat?”

Yukihiro shook his head and mumbled something about not feeling hungry. Suyama nodded, but stopped by the nurses station. The smaller boy stood there waiting as Suyama entered a small room and came back with a few sandwiches and chips. “For later,” he smiled and Yukihiro simply nodded.

It was Wakako who finally made Yukihiro eat something hours later inside the room. They were all talking when food was mentioned and she made a comment about being hungry. That seemed to remind Suyama that he had brought sandwiches and chips over and handed one to her and another one to the younger brother.

“We better eat then!” She said smiling the best she could and opening the food. When she saw her brother not open it she then added. “Yukihiro you gotta eat.”

It took one more look from her sister for him to sigh defeated and finally open the food. Suyama opened his food too and they all ate in practical silence. Suyama and Wakako making small talk if only to muffle the machine sounds.

No one ever left the room after that. Inside it was quiet until either Suyama or Wakako started talking about the past, sometimes talking to Yuuto as if he was awake and well. Sharing stories, old and new ones. Laughing until there were tears about a few of Yuuto’s funny misfortunes (“You can kick my ass once you wake up lil bro”) until it became quiet again and the night had arrived.

“I want to spend the night.” Yukihiro said seriously and before his sister could tell him to go back home. “I can't. I can’t leave.”

Before Wakako could complain Suyama nodded and then said, “a night will be fine right?” When she didn’t look convinced he added. “Just the night. Then you guys can go home and change clothes, shower and all that stuff. Ok?”

Yukihiro seemed pleased but Wakako looked unsure. After a sigh she nodded and agreed and then with a laughed she said. “You’ve grown so much Shoji.”

Suyama felt like crying again but resisted the urge to instead smiled back. “I sure hope so.” He laughed.

Wakako was the first to fall asleep from them all, and it made sense. She looked absolutely exhausted and despite putting a fight she fell asleep holding on to one of Yuuto’s hand. Yukihiro was quick to notice and grab a pillow to rest her head and a blanket to put over her.

“You should get some sleep too,” Suyama whispered to him after watching him and he had returned to his place on the other side of the bed. He saw him wanting to say no, but he also looked exhausted. So he nodded and Suyama passed him the remaining pillow and blanket to him and watched him get comfortable. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep too.

Suyama remained awake for a while until he could feel his head nodding off, so he got comfortable and fell asleep soon after.

Although a subconscious part of him knew he was dreaming, when Suyama opened his eyes he was back to their last Christmas again and it felt so real. Everyone was in there, his parents and Sakaeguchi’s dad somewhere in the kitchen with Wakako. His older brother and Yukihiro talking in the living room and Yuuto and himself in the kitchen preparing the table.

It was snowing outside and after a failed attempt of shoving off the snow that ended up into a vicious snowball fight, they had run inside cold to the bone and were welcomed with hot chocolate. His mom’s hot chocolate. After changing clothes to what they would wear to the party they decided to help with the dinner preparation.

It was their last Christmas together before Sakaeguchi had to leave for his master’s and he couldn’t follow him there.

Once they finished setting it up they sat in their place, Sakaeguchi reaching for Suyama’s hands and playing with them absentmindedly while talking. It felt safe, it felt comfortable.

When he looked back up to see Sakaeguchi’s face, he quickly noticed his frown. He was calling his name but he couldn’t respond. As much as he tried no words left his mouth, he just watched with desperation as Sakaeguchi’s face became more worried.

“Suyama I…”

Suyama woke with a start, breathing heavy and his eyes moist with tears. He felt disoriented and confused and he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not.

“Are you...okay?” Wakako asked really concerned, her hand on his shoulder and trying to make him sit up. She grabbed some water bottle he declined.

He didn’t feel like he was able to speak yet so he just nodded and closed his eyes.

“I have some news for you…” She said and Suyama felt his heart drop. That was it, Sakaeguchi had died. It couldn't possibly be. It couldn’t…

“Shoji…”

That sound, that voice. Suyama quickly opened his eyes, confused but excited to having hear that voice again. His eyes met with Sakaeguchi’s and his heart made a flip, he was sure he was truly crying at this point but he paid no mind as he ran toward the bed and gave Sakaeguchi one big hug.

“Thank you.Thank you. Thank you omg Sakaeguchi thank you.” He whispered, almost to himself as he felt Sakaeguchi smile and laugh a little. He definitely sounded weak, tired but it was all to be expected. He just held on, not wanting to step aside.

“I was going to surprise you…” Sakaeguchi whispered.

“You did give me one big surprise, “ Suyama tried with a laugh. Sakaeguchi simply chuckled softly. “Have some rest. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

“I love you, “ Sakaeguchi whispered again, almost desperately. Like he needed to say it.

Suyama’s tears turn into louder sobs as he continued to hold onto him. “I love you too. So much. Never do this to me ever again.”

“Never again.” He agreed. A minute of silence later he added. “Merry Christmas Shoji. I’m your present. Sorry it’s so late.”

“Does it come with a lifetime warranty?” Shoji laughed between sobs.

“Mhm,” Sakaeguchi murmured, starting to feel too exhausted to talk. “Forever.” He added after a moment of silence.

“Forever sounds great.”

#oofuri #ookiku furikabutte #sakaeguchi yuuto #suyama shoji #suyasaka #dear god what have i done #sorry this is so late omg #i hope you like it #!!!#this was fun ahaha #hope you enjoyed the angst pftt

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