Chapter 2: Reach For My Hand
Summary: Sylvain has been ignoring you since you met him. You had been in love with him since you met him. College is about to offer you a fresh start. New academic year, new life. You were ready to forget him. But fate seems to have other plans… (COLLEGE AU)
Series: Seeking Your Warmth If Only For A Day
Warnings: Objetification (?), anxiety attack, curse words
Pairings: Sylvain Jose Gautier x Female Reader
Word Count: 4562
AO3: Reach For My Hand
A/N: Sorry it took too long. My writing process is unpredictable. Besides, it was a boring chapter at first and I think I managed to make it interesting? Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter! If you have suggestions, requests, theories or whatever leave a comment of come talk to me on tumblr - same username.
Your first week of university had passed all at once. Time flew between jotting down notes, going back and forth, meeting all your new teachers and, overall, trying to survive. Thankfully, Lysithea had shared all her notes with you, so you weren’t that lost – since Claude was keen on gossiping with you in the middle of lessons…
…And since Sylvain proved himself to be a huge distraction. And an active one, in fact.
The ominous day Byleth paired you with him, Sylvain had approached you after class. Hands in his pockets, his chest a little puffed and a glamorous grin on his face, he had the perfect pose to be on the cover of a teenage magazine. And with his casual tone, he nonchalantly asked you for your number..
“We better stay in touch to finish the project”, he added. Your heart skipped a beat – or two or three – and you nodded. You hoped that excitement would go unnoticed. There was the slightest shyness in his voice, but you discarded the thought. It was absurd to consider you’d awaken even the smallest amount of insecurity in him, regarding the fact that he was the embodiment of confidence.
“Sure”, you smiled and grabbed a pen. Sylvain stopped you muttering a ‘wait’ and took out his phone. He opened a tab for a new contact.
“Here, write your number.” You took it and started writing. Then, it hit you that Sylvain actually knew how you were called. He had edited the blank space, where you saw all the letters that spelt your name standing triumphantly. He even had added a heart emoji next to it. So, even if he had never acknowledged your existence, he was aware of it.
“Write me whenever you feel like it,” he said with a wink. Your name rolling out of his lips was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard.
As he went away and followed Mercedes out of the classroom, Claude rose his eyebrows.
“Well, that went better than expected. Our plan is running smoothly,” he hit you with his elbow.
“Your plan, Claude. I never agreed to it,” you sighed, while he just chuckled and let it be.
But that wasn’t the end of the phone matter. Not at all.
The next day you met your new teacher, Catherine. She was interesting, and she made her lessons about the Evolution of Warfare quite enjoyable – which was itself a great deed, in your opinion. However, there was a downside, and it was that the blonde woman talked your ears off with her millions of tales that weren’t that interesting and definitely not exam material.
It was early and you were barely awake when you felt the light vibration of a message on your mobile phone. Who could be at that hour? You looked next to you. Marianne was as still as a corpse, Claude was probably asleep and Lysithea was fiercely taking notes, so it was not any of them trying to be discreet. Ingrid would never use her phone during a lesson, so she was ruled out too.
With caution, you unlocked the screen of your phone and placed it on your lap.
Unknown 09:45: Are you bored too?
Did Dorothea change her number again?
You 09:46: Who are you?
Unknown 09:46: Look right 😊
You did. And you came across Sylvain waving at you. You saved his number quicker than you’d like to admit.
You 09:48: Good morning, Sylvain
You 09:48: And yes, I’m bored to death
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a smile gracing Sylvain’s countenance, and you felt like a schoolgirl all over again.
Sylvain 09:49: Is Claude asleep? For real?
You 09:50: Most likely…
And that was the beginning of your academic doom.
It turned out that Sylvain was a compulsive text-writer. He wasn’t shy about sending you millions of messages at any time. And you, foolish as always, responded every last one of them. Against your will, as you typed on your phone, butterflies flied around your stomach.
The first days, he limited your interactions strictly to Catherine’s lessons and breaks. But as the week progressed, you found yourself going to sleep a little later just to share a few more words with the infamous flirter.
You two didn’t have meaningful conversations at all. You talked about high school, books, films, you shared jokes and silly occurrences… Yet it made you feel that an already existing connection tying you with Sylvain was awakening. It was absurd, to think there was a bond that had been formed before between both of you, but you couldn’t cast aside that sensation. Like a distant memory of a dream you once had. Like the primal needs our bodies feel. You felt there was something that linked you with him, and it was ancient and significant.
When Claude discovered what you and Sylvain were up, he was delighted.
“Don’t you realize that’s just what we needed for our plan?”, he opened his eyes and leaned in closer, so your classmates wouldn’t hear him.
“Again, your plan, Claude”, you shook your head. “And you seem to be making it up as it goes.”
“Well, that’s my charm, darling,” he laughed, and went on playing with his phone. You threw him your best deadpan look.
With so many distractions, the weekend arrived in the blink of an eye. It was rather cloudy when you woke up, and late, because it was Saturday and you didn’t have any obligation. You rolled in bed, throwing away your blanket and yawning.
Then, you heard a thud next to you. It was your phone. You remembered you had been talking with Sylvain when you fell asleep. You deliberated if maybe it wasn’t better to ignore him for a day. You were starting to get your hopes up, and you wanted to avoid another disappointment. But as if your hands moved on their own, you opened the conversation to see what you had missed.
Sylvain 01:13: What do you mean you HAVEN’T seen Loog and the Maiden of Wind???
You 01:15: ??
You 01:15: What’s wrong?
Sylvain 01:17: It’s Ingrid’s favourite film!
Sylvain 01:18: More like, she loved complaining about how they got all the scenes from the book wrong
Sylvain 01:18: Still she made me watch it like 1819341973 times
You 01:19: She wanted me to watch it
You 01:20: I just happen to have really good excuses 😉
Sylvain 01:25: Well you are going to watch it with me
You 01:26: Why would I?
Sylvain 01:27: It’s called solidarity
You 01:27: I don’t have that
(Unread) Sylvain 01:31: ☹
(Unread) Sylvain 01:31: Please, suffer with me
(Unread) Sylvain 01:33: C’mon I promise I’ll be good, I won’t bite you
(Unread) Sylvain 01:33: Unless you ask me 😉😉😉
(Unread) Sylvain 01:35: So I’m going to believe that you’re asleep and are not in fact ignoring me
(Unread) Sylvain 01:34: Good night, princess <3
You sighed and got up. What were you getting yourself into? And what were you trying to achieve? ‘Don’t implicate yourself too much’, has said Claude, but you were already in too deep. But your friend probably knew as much and was plotting something entirely different.
Ignoring your best judgment, you started typing.
You 09:53: Good morning!
Goddess, you felt stupid.
“Good morning”, greeted Ingrid when you left your room. “I got some pastries for breakfast.”
“Nice.”
You sat next to her and started to munch on the first sweet piece you found. The television filled the room with a comforting background noise. You were half listening the weather and the news. Your phone suddenly beeped, indicating you had a new text message. You looked at the screen with discretion and unlocked it with an unbothered appearance, trusting Ingrid wouldn’t ask questions.
Sylvain 10:01: I unilaterally decided we’re watching the film today, princess
You couldn’t hide your expression, and Ingrid looked your way.
“Who are you texting?”, she tried to use a teasing tone. “I’ve never seen you so hooked on your phone. Is it Claude?”
There was no use in lying, so you’d answer thruthfully. You could even get some intel about Sylvain without revealing your game if you played your cards well.
“Oh, no. It’s Sylvain?” You feigned disinterest.
“Is he bothering you? I could scare him off,” she offered, with her eyebrows furrowed.
“What? Don’t do it.” A small and nervous laughter escaped your mouth at the idea.
“Don’t tell me he’s done it”, Ingrid said, and she rested her head on her hands, her attention focused on you.
“What has he done?”
“Charming you!”, she replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“Ingrid, I was paired with him for some project. That’s all,” you assured her.
“Well, just don’t fall for him. He can be very disgusting sometimes. He’s a good friend, but he’s not a good boyfriend.” She hummed. “As far as I know, of course.”
“Don’t worry,” you smiled, appeasing, “I’ll be fine.”
“It’s weird, though. He never texts anyone on his own accord. He always says it’s a waste of time.”
“It’s for the project. No biggie,” you affirmed, yet you knew you’d have to keep in mind that fact.
“Ah, that must be it,” Ingrid shrugged. “He may be always chasing skirts, but he’s very diligent with academic matters.”
You 10:15: I have a better idea
You 10:16: Let’s go to the library and start Byleth’s project
You weren’t ready for watching a film with him. In the best-case scenario, you’d faint like Bernadetta on your high school days.
Sylvain 10:17: The library? In this era of technology?
You 10:17: Yes.
Sylvain 10:18: Okay, fine
Sylvain 10:19: You are right, old-fashioned university professors love their bibliographies filled with books :/
Sylvain 10:19: But you owe me one film
You 10:19: … we’ll see.
You 10:19: Let’s meet at the library at 6 p.m.
“I’m going to the library with Sylvain today,” you commented to Ingrid.
“Do you mind if I invite Ashe over?”
Well, you weren’t expecting that. You noted mentally to compare notes with Dorothea, because now you didn’t have any doubt that there was something going on between her and Ashe. Never ever had she invited a guy before that wasn’t Felix, Sylvain, or Dimitri.
“Oh, yeah, go ahead, I don’t mind,” you encouraged her.
“Cool!”
You were getting ready, mulling over what you were going to wear. You didn’t want to try too hard, this wasn’t a date, but nevertheless you wanted to look good – despite the fact that if anyone ever asked you, you’d completely refuse that thought had crossed your mind. It was absurd, but denial helped you to keep going.
As you struggled to decide, you heard Ingrid biding you goodbye and the door being closed. You supposed she was going to meet Ashe and bring him to your place. You grinned to yourself. Immediately after, your phone started ringing. It was Dorothea. She had a distinctive melody that she sang herself for you. What on earth could have made her call you? She was the queen of voice messages.
“Yes?”, you began.
“You better tell me what the fuck is happening!”, she yelled with her usual dramatic twist.
“What is happening?” You were quite confused and tried to go over all the things she could be referring to.
“Don’t play dumb. First, Ingrid is all starry-eyed when she talks about Ashe and now you have a date with Sylvain? Is the water in your apartment poisoned?” You wondered how she found out, but Dorothea had a sixth sense for love affairs.
“Well, Ingrid is the one with an actual date,” you pointed to divert her attention. “I’m just going to the library because-”
“Because a project? Why does it sound so familiar? Ah, yes, it’s what I told my parents when I was going to make out with a classmate in high school. And don’t distract me throwing Ingrid to the wolves.”
“What do you want of me?”, you exclaimed out of frustration.
“A confession!”
“Who are you? Seteth?” You could hear Dorothea’s sweet laugh at your joke.
“How could I be so stupid? Your crush has been Sylvain all these years!”, she was creating a fuss on the other side of the phone. “I’m not going to lie, I didn’t expect that, not in the least.”
“You are assuming way too much.”
“Shut up! I guess Sylvain is a whole reason himself to keep it a secret, but you should have told me.” Dorothea made a pause. “My poor baby suffering all those years in silence! Aunty Dorothea is here to comfort you!”
“Quit the joking. Now tell me what I should wear for my not-a-date”, you said indignantly.
“Oh, right. Do you recall the Red Canyon? You definitely should put on that thing you wore. It will catch his eye, but it doesn’t seem way too elaborated.”
“Thank you, Dorothea, you are a genius. Are you reading my mind?”
“Really? I can see right through you”, she giggled. “You haven’t changed. And I would you why you are so worried about your clothes when it’s not a date, but you’d just mutter any excuse and ignore me altogether.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Now, inform me of you not-a-date with Sylvain when you’re finished right away, okay?”, she finished with her motherly intonation.
“Fine, fine! Goodbye, I have to go now!” You saw the time and it was really late.
You got dressed in a hurry and grabbed your laptop, some notebooks and a couple of pens.
By the time you arrived at the library, Sylvain was already there. He was looking around, his bag grabbed laid causally on his back, hold by the handle with his strong fist. His other hand was resting in his pocket.
While his appearance was laid back, you were a bundle of nerves. As soon as your gaze found him, you felt a knot form in your gut. You denied that the young man could have that kind of effect on you, but the evidence was overwhelming. Why did it have to be so difficult in person? It had been so easy when you didn’t have to see his face – so handsome it was unnerving. You were the opposite you had been on your telematic conversations, far from your calm, charming and charismatic charade.
He was wearing a simple long-sleeved t-shirt and jeans. It was a mystery for you why he didn’t opt for a modelling career. You forcibly reminded yourself that despite his beauty, he was a Don Juan, totally uninterested in you. You chanted Claude’s words ‘see what happens, don’t implicate yourself too much’ as you approached him.
Suddenly, his tan eyes focused on you as he recognized your figure, so you composed yourself the best you could. His lovely lips displayed a soft smile.
“Hey, Sylvain”, you greeted with an affected amiability. Still, you were tense.
“Hello there, princess.” He winked at you. “It’s nice to see you outside the classroom.”
“Yes, it’s refreshing,” you nodded.
You entered the big building with Sylvain at your side. Neither of you said anything, justifying yourself in the mandatory silence of a library. Some girls giggled as you walked past them, pointing at you two. And you noticed Sylvain looked a bit annoyed. The next thing you noticed was your teacher Catherine distracting the black-haired librarian with her nonstop chatter.
You turned your head to comment something to him, but he grinned, and you forgot your words. You simpered back, and he seemed content with that.
At last, you were in the ‘working-group’ area. The library itself was almost empty – but Dorothea told you it would be filled to the brim during finals week. There were some students chatting and taking notes, but not too many since most of the would be probably going to bars, pubs, and discos. And it was right then when it hit you that Sylvain was not in some sort of date or in a quest to gain the favours of a pretty girl.
So far, you had detected two oddities in his behaviour. Texting and spending a Saturday evening in the library. And the common factor was you.
“Where should we start?”, asked Sylvain as he took a seat, startling you since you were absorbed in your thoughts. You mimicked him and made up your mind.
“Let me thing”, you said. At the same time, you took your laptop from your bag and turned it on. “Since we have to talk about the early history of Faerghus… maybe we can cover the foundation first?”, you suggested. Sylvain had a notebook and a pencil and started scribbling an outline of the project. “We’ll need… a biography of Loog. Or two. And a history book about the 8th century.” You peeked his handwriting. It was neat, with small letters. His S’s had an characteristic flourish.
“I have a good book on the Crescent Moon War, which is also a theme featured in our project”, he said, staring at his sheet. “Well... it’s Miklan’s”, Sylvain grimaced as he added that part, “but I can borrow it.”
“That’d be great.”
“Do you know what’d be great?”, he looked at you. “Watching Loog and the Maiden of Wind! I don’t know what you have against films. It would have been a perfect way to spend our Saturday.”
“Again?”, you laughed.
“It’s for research purposes. No fishy business here.” He placed the palm of his hand over his chest. “Scout’s honour.”
“If I accept will you focus on out project?”, you bit your lip.
“Yes! I promise.”
“Okay. How about we watch it once we’re finished?”
“It’s a deal.” He winked again, looking satisfied with himself. Then, he stood up. “I’ll look for the books we need. In the meantime, you can search on the Internet some good articles on the controversies of Loog’s biography.”
At the moment he vanished, you breathed deeply to calm your heart, since you could almost hear it thudding in your chest. This meeting had been more awkward than you had expected, at least on your part. You wondered if Sylvain was feeling it too, the rusty mechanism of two people who knew each other but had never held a whole conversation in real life.
And all the same… It didn’t feel bad, being next to Sylvain. It was great, even if you were on edge. If you didn’t know it was impossible, you’d describe that sensation as familiar. A déjà vu of some sort, as though you had gone over this stage with Sylvain a million of times and every time your pulse shot up.
You tried to concentrate on looking for articles. You found a couple of them that could be useful, singed under big names of the field that would increase the credibility of your work.
You were absentminded during the rest of your search, trying to figure out how to be natural in your next conversation with Sylvain. You were a little insecure, even when Sylvain seemed to be comfortable with you. Your head was full of what ifs.
“I got our books!”, Sylvain announced cheerful, interrupting your worry.
He sat again next to you. And you swore he was closer than he was before. You could feel the heat emanating from him, warming your arm. And you could hear him breathing. His scent reached you. He had used just deodorant, which along with his natural smell was intoxicating. His shoulder bumped into yours in what looked like a premeditated manner.
“We could split the work. Maybe we could work together on the main structure and the final draft, and work on the information on our own…”, you said as you tried to concentrate on the pile of history volumes rather than any matter related to Sylvain. Otherwise you’d forget how to speak.
“That seems fair.”
Sylvain made himself comfortable, resting his chin on the hand opposite to you. This way he had a perfect view of what you were writing on your computer – and your face, but you refused to believe he was that interested in you. He was invading your personal space in every way and he didn’t care.
“What do you prefer?”, you asked, all professional. You weren’t going to move away.
“I don’t mind, love,” he shrugged. “What do you prefer?”
“Sylvain, we are a team. You should give your opinion.” He remained silent and you dared to turn your head away from the screen of your laptop. He was smiling, but his eyes were half-close, as if figuring out what you were thinking. “Sylvain?”
“Ah, yes.” He blinked. “We’re a team.” He stopped, savouring the word. “I’ll take the Crescent War Moon in that case.”
He then wrote a couple of lines on his notebook. You could see he was writing down a list of ideas on bullet points. You did the same on a sheet of paper you had on you. After a couple of seconds, he talked again.
“Thanks for taking into consideration my preferences,” he placed his arm around the back of your chair.
“Why wouldn’t I?”, you questioned seriously. You were at total lost with him, so you leant in closer. You couldn’t care less, you were just playing his game. He acknowledged it, because you could see him narrowing his eyes at your movement.
“Let’s say some people is not as nice.”
You didn’t answer. What could have you said? It was not what you were expecting him to reply.
Breaking the bubble that you both had formed around you, two girls appeared out of nowhere. They were the ones you had seen before when you entered the building. Instinctively, you distanced yourself from the redhead.
“Sylvain?”, one of them started. They both were wearing fake grins.
“Do I know you?”, Sylvain asked, showing a bit of discomfort.
“Of course? We had a date in summer!”, the girl continued. She hadn’t taken the hint. “So, my friend and I were wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight, go to a bar, then you could come to our apartment, you know…”
You opened your eyes in surprise at the girl’s forwardness. And judging by Sylvain’s astonishment, he wasn’t expecting either such a direct and shameless offer. Did Sylvain have to deal with that too often? It made you feel uneasy. Of course, Ingrid would say he’d deserve it, because he had cultivated his reputation himself, but every part was so wrong. The way they talked to him as if he was a piece of meat, they way they looked at him.
“I’m afraid I must decline your offer, darling,” he talked in his most conciliatory voice.
“What? Really?”, said the other friend, huffing. “You said he’d agree.”
“Well, I’m working on a project with my friend, so… I’m quite busy.”
“I can’t believe you are rejecting us, Sylvain,” she made a disgusted face. “Anyways, your choice. Enjoy your new girlfriend, but I guess it will last like one week before you can find someone better.” Then, they turned around, looking behind a few times and gossiping.
“What the hell?”, you wondered, bewildered.
“Just my routine”, he sighed.
“We can continue another day, Sylvain”, you tested the waters. You sensed something was wrong and that he wanted to go home, and you had the feeling that he wouldn’t admit it by himself. “It’s getting late anyways.”
“Oh, yeah. You’re right. Let’s go” He put the piece of paper inside one of the pages of a volume he was going to take. “We can meet other day to put everything together.”
“Of course.” You started putting away your things back in your bag. Sylvain was no longer smiling.
“Can you pass me that book?”, he pointed at the red one you had on your side.
You took it and offered it to him. He extended his hand, and when he placed his fingers around it, they brushed yours. Your heart started to beat fast.
Yet before you could make sense of the occurrence, a stabbing pain stroke you. It felt like a spear had pierced through you, right below your chest. It was so real, so shocking, tears started to form on your eyes. You felt blood coming out, but when you looked for it, there was nothing there. The pain was beginning to expand, a wildfire burning your torso.
You put your palm where you felt the pain, unable to breathe. Suddenly, Sylvain realised something was wrong. You were opening your mouth to take in oxygen, but it was in vain.
“What’s happening?”, he could be shouting your name, but you couldn’t listen because the only thing you heard was a rush on your ears.
He grabbed your arm, but it only made it worse. It made all those strange phenomena more sharp and real. You whispered a faint ‘let me go’, and Sylvain moved away immediately. His steps were so fast he hit the chair and it fell down.
All of a sudden, when his skin wasn’t in contact with yours, everything subsided.
“Are you okay?”, Sylvain asked, alarmed. You hadn’t seen him that serious in all your life.
“Yes. I…”, you didn’t finish the sentence. Instead you recovered your breath slowly.
“Stop making so much noise! And don’t break the furniture!”, a kid appeared from behind one of the bookcases. His hair was dark brown, and he wielded a broom that he used to threaten. You felt a little embarrassed, so you muttered an apology before grabbing your things and almost running to the exit. Sylvain followed you closely.
“Are you okay?”, Sylvain repeated once you were on the street. As far as you could tell, he was concerned, but more than worry, his eyes displayed suspicion and curiosity.
“Yes. It’s nothing, I just had a problem breathing… maybe it was the dust”, you brushed it off.
“It might have been an anxiety attack. Some people have a lot during their first year at university”, he noted. His smile came back, reassuring. It was incredible how his demeanour could change so quickly. “What a day, huh?”, he laughed. “We should meet again soon. I had fun despite everything.”
“Despite the awkwardness too?”, you replied, both playful and too exhausted from the experience to second-guess your interactions with him.
“What do you mean? That was the best part!”
“C’mon Sylvain!” You denied with your head.
“I don’t know, okay? It just felt nice. You make good company.” He was staring off inro space, and you hoped in the most obscure part of your heart that he was being honest.
“Oh, and you realize that now?”, you teased.
“Better late than never,” your classmate added.
“I suppose.”
Step by step you started walking in the same direction. You were in silence. Each of you had much to make sense of. You weren’t paying attention to the time, until you reached a familiar crossing.
“I’m going this way”, you said as you signalled your direction.
“I’m happy we got paired up in class,” he stated. He was just as handsome as when you met him, but he had a sadder air.
“Me too. See you later, Sylvain.”
“See you.” He stood there, watching you disappear into a corner. Then, he talked to himself. “What a day…”
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