#temporaryturtlestories

[temporaryturtlebrainrot]

The story of being human

(basically I can't draw anthro and decided to come up with an in-universe explanation as to why I draw turtles as humans) (set in spring/early summer 2022) (2407 words)

[relevant pronoun guide (headcanon):

Donnie - they/them

Mikey - he/she/they + fire as neo

Raph - varying from he/him to they/she depending on the day + red as neo

Casey Junior - any traditional pronouns + life and time as neos

Leo - he/him

April - she/they

S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. - it/its

Splinter - he/him

Todd - he/him

Casey Senior - she/it

Sunita - she/they/it]

°°°

Even though it pained them to admit it, Donatello actually found alchemy fascinating. There was just something in it, in the fact that it was structured, like their beloved science, yet raw and unbridled, akin to all other mystics.

So, when Angelo decided to study his mystic powers with ✨𝓹𝓻𝓸𝓯𝓮𝓼𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓪𝓵𝓼✨, they readily followed their littlest sibling to the Hidden City. That had been less than two years ago, but they'd both made a lot of progress in their respective fields. Mikey, for example, learned to float, and tried to annoy Raph by being "taller than him", but... he just asked her for head pats (it turned pretty depressing when it turned out that red has never experienced the heavenly head pats, even when he was small, since they'd already outgrown Splinter and April by the time those were discovered, and Mikey promptly decided to make up for all the lost time).

The results of Donnie's apprenticeship were much more interesting, though. Because after they were done with all the basic minerals and crystals, the healing potions, making of the mystic weapons (!!) and anti-ageing potions (reverse, which they'd promptly given Splinter and preventive, which after some consideration and advice from Casey Junior went to Mikey), they were allowed to experiment on their own.

Naturally, they went and decided to come up with anti-mutagen. And the first step to anti-mutagen is mutagen, for which they could have gone to Draxum for help (they didn't) but couldn't use his notes, because, well... they didn't exist anymore. So, research from scratch it was. Naturally, the whole "mission" did not lack in funny occurrences - like, for example, the time their prototype turned CJ into a kitten for a few weeks, and though it was a case of the mutagen itself being non-permanent, Junior still has the ability to purr and cat ears that pop up when it's emotional to show for it. The next batch had Mikey and Raph both end up with actual, human hair, which Leo was very jealous of, but they were forbidden from further testing it on him, so... Another incident, though less funny and more happy, was when they'd accidentally mutated S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N. into a cyborg. April was the one helping out at the time, and somehow it ended up with her genetics, not Donnie's, so apparently they're co-parents now, since that batch was permanent. After that though, they finally reached something similar enough to the original that one antidote would work for both, and really, anti-mutagen wasn't very complicated from then on (this one they tested on Repo-Mantis' cat, since Mikey has wanted to steal it - provided they were successful - ever since Junior was back in times own body).

And, well, they were successful. So, Mikey now has a cat (newly named Ikki, after the Avatar character), Splinter has his human body back, and Todd has a sample he can use whenever he wants.

And everything is great. Except the fact that their notes have been stolen. Well, there goes the happy ending. For the past two-or-so weeks they've been going around, trying to figure out who was behind the crime. With no clues and still no clue.

Until. The six of them (that is, turtles, April and Junior) were camping out on a roof, watching out for Meat Sweats, when a mist appeared around the pig mutant and... knocked him out?

"Well, that's weird." April announced in a tone of someone who just spent fifteen hour straight babysitting a bunch of kids and can't really be bothered by anything they do at this point (which to be fair isn't completely inacurate), but before anyone could say anything else, Mikey, ever the kind-hearted one, went down to check on their enemy. They all held their breaths, waiting for any sign from the youngest turtle, until

"He's passed out!" fire yelled "And looks like a normal pig! But I don't kno.." there was a thud. Those still gathered on the roof looked below, then at one another, gazes full of worry. April let out a sigh.

"That... that can't be good." Raph whispered, panic lacing their voice.

"Obviously." Leo fought the urge to roll his eyes. "The question is, what exactly is that"

"Well..." April bit her thumb slightly "It's a gas? That's something... Mikey said Swaggart looked a normal pig right now, didn't she? That would mean..."

"Gasp! My mutagen!" Donnie interrupted suddenly "Whoever stole it, they must have gassified and modified it into some sort of pro-mutagen!"

"So you're saying our little sibling is down there being mutated into god whats know and we're just sitting here!? Let's go!"

"Raphael dearest, we do know what Angelo is being mutated into. A human, of course." Donnie stated, while Leo pulled on their eldest siblings mask tails to stop them from jumping right down.

"So, uh, any ideas what now?" Leo asked no one in particular, and, once again, April was the first one to respond;

"Well, first of all, D, do you have any of the antidote with you?" the purple turtle nodded "Good. Now, I'm texting Cass and Suni to come and help out, since you three are also at risk... Three, right?" she asked after glancing at Junior, who was exceptionally pale - perhaps out of fear of being permanently changed into a cat.

"Yes, the solution that resulted in Catsey" Donnie made air quotations when they said the name "as all of you insist on calling it, was far too removed from the final product to activate it this way."

"Great! So, D, get the antidote out, please. One vial goes with Junior to fix Swaggart, and then you take Mikey home asap, because you're both still babies, plus we don't know how long the knock-out lasts."

"I'm not a baby though, I'll be 17 soon! That's old."

"You're not 17 yet, and you're the youngest here, hence, baby. Anyway. When the girls get here, Leo will go with Suni to Todd's to warn him, and slash or administer his dose if he's already been hit. Raph and Cass will get one vial and hunt down Bullhop, and Donnie will come with me and we'll deal with street annoyances. Got it?"

"That's not fair, why do I have to go to Todd while all of you get action?" Leo piped up with his hand raised.

"Because Sunita is not the physical type, so she's unlikely to keep up wirh wild-style-chases involving Bullhop, or be able to lift up Raph. And I'm taking D because I don't trust the rest of you - except maybe the baby squad" (here Junior hissed) "-with handling more than one vial." Leo looked like he wanted to argue further, but in the end he just shrugged.

"Fair enough, I suppose. Case, you don't need to wait on us. In fact, the sooner you get Mike home, the better, probably."

"Huh?.. Oh, okay.. Well, that's me out." with that Casey grabbed the provided vial, shot up a peace sign, and jumped down. Just like that.

"It never ceases to amaze me just how recklessly brave that kid is." April shook her head.

"Well, he had to loose that leg somehow" the cynical reply announced the arrival of Cassandra and Sunita, with the former being the one to speak "Hey guys."

"Hey Cass. Sunita." Raph greeted back, voice tight. "Shall we get going? The sooner we're done, the better"

"Don't you mean shell we get going?"

"Not funny, Leo." Raph grumbled before walking off "Let's find Bullhop."

"Cass.."

"Gotcha'. Lead the way big guy. I'll see the rest of you guys later" Cass shot a peace sign of her own, making everyone realize once again how similar she was to her future child (or rather how similar life was to her), which was still something no one managed to get used to.

"Okay, let's move everyone. C'mon D!" April took off towards another nearby roof, Donnie following closely. Leo looked at Sunita for a moment before making a move in the opposite direction.

"Let's get this over with, huh? We're on easy mode. Maybe we'll even get some lemonade to boot." he smiled at his temporary partner. Sunita blinked at his quick change in attitude and almost inappropriately chipper tone, but soon fell into step with the slider.

"So, I noticed we weren't given a portion of... whatever that is they were distributing... why?" Sunita asked after they've been walking in silence for give or take 15 minutes.

"Oh, Todd's already got some, we just need to make sure he takes it. Amyway, you seen any good movies recently? Wait, no, better question. Are you, April and Cass together? Because April won't say and we've got bets going."

"And, pray tell, why should I tell you if April doesn't?"

"I'll share my winnings if I got any?"

"Deal." they shook hands "We are dating. For nearly three months. What else could be bet on... Our first date as trio was cinema, April's been dating both of us before we dated each other - she and I were together for five months, and she's been with Casey for six and a half-" ("Yes!!") "- and she asked me out, but we were both asked out by Casey. I think that covers the bases?"

"It does, and we've got a hundred to split because no one else bet on there being a more than a month between a line forming and transforming into a triangle."

"Neat. So, what exactly were you betting on?"

"Well, we wanted to start with yes or no, but no one would bet on the no, so that was abandoned. Then we bet on how long it's been, price is right rules. Donnie won that one, he bet two and a half months. I bet five.. Then it was who got together first, which I honestly thought was you and Apes. That one is a split pot between Mikey and, again, Don. Raph bet with me and Junior bet you and Cass, strangely enough. But then again he only recognised the two of you as their moms, so I guess it kinda makes sense. Then we wanted to bet line to angle to triangle vs line to triangle, but again, everyone was on the same side, this time wrongly, so that also was scrapped, and then we bet on the time between couple slash trouple, again with price is right rules. I bet month and a half there, and the next closest was D, who bet three weeks, but I still won. That's it. And there were twenty bucks a person in all pots, so total of three hundreds in circulation... Aaand we're here. There's no mist..."

"But no Todd either, it seems. Unless you see him?"Sunita looked around, trying to find the man.

"Nope... just that suspiciously blonde capybara..." Leo stared for a moment "yea, thet's probably him."

"Great, let's give him the thingy and go back. It's kinda cold."

"Yeeeaaa... I think it should be in the med kit in the kitchee..." Sunita turned around when she heard the splash, finding Leo to be faceplanting in a nearby puddle. She went over, picked him up, placed him in a sitting position and went inside the house.

"Okay, med kit in the kitchen..." she murmured to herself as she walked "med kit in the kitchen... oh, here! bandaids, bug spray... anti-mutagen. Huh, convenient that it's labeled. Okay, no time to dwell. Give that to Todd, take Leo home."

She walked over to where the "suspiciously blonde capybara" was sitting, completely unbothered, and forced the conents of the bottle she'd found down its throat before walking back to Leo. She picked him up with a grunt and draped him over her shoulder, determined to get to the turtles' house (yes, house. Splinter bought one once he was human again) as quickly as possible.

It took her slightly longer than she would've liked, but she got Leo there with only hints of discolouration. Right in front of the door, she'd run into Casey with decidedly-not-green-anymore Raph slung over her shoulder. She shot them a panicked smile, whispering theatrically

"Let's get in fast, I don't feel like finding out whether they actually wear shorts." The yokai snorted at that, symphatising, and knocked on the door. To their surprise, the person who opened was neither Splinter nor Junior, and they panicked momentally, thinking they got the address wrong, until the unknown kid turned and called for Casey's help in getting the passed out duo inside. Yeah. The kid turned out to be Mikey. Sunita was honestly a bit surprised at their appearance - she'd expected east asian, but they seemed to be somewhat mixed (blasian, as humans say) - but she looked very good nonetheless. With the kids' help, both older soon-to-be-no-longer-turtles were taken into one of the bedrooms and promptly hidden under blankets to avoid anone seeing anything. Mikey then laid out some change of clothes and they left the room to await April and Donnie's return. And, talk over what happened;

"So, did you get Bullhop alright?" Casey adressed their mom first

"Kinda. We wandered into a mist, big guy passed out, I left... them? him?-"

"It's been they them recently, yes."

"Okay. I left them in a safe spot and went on alone. Couple minutes later I find a passed out bull, so I assumed it was the right one and got it over with, went back to Raph and came here. But you know, they're really freaking heavy, that one, even for me."

"Cool" Mikeys eyes looked like they had stars in them "What about you, Suni?"

"It was alright... we didn't find Todd, just a normal - well, suspiciously blonde - capybara, but thankfully Leo knew where the thing was. Weirdly though, there wasn't any mist there, and he still passed out."

"Maybe it's a residual effect?" CJ wondered, only to immedietely shrink into herself when everyone looked at him "You know, like those things that stay in the area? Th-the Kraang had a couple of bombs like that." with every word Casey seemed to become smaller and smaller, and only Aprils arrival saved them from disappearing completely.

"Everyone good?" she said right as she kicked the door open, carrying Donnie like a sack of potatoes. She was met with a variety of vaguely confirming noises, and that seemed to be good enough. "Alright." her shoulders sagged with clear relief "By their absence, I take it Raph and Leo have been hit?"

"Yeah, they're in the cuddle room." April nodded, and marched over to subject Donnie to the same procedure. The others looked after her until Sunita broke the silence;

"How do we think they'll look?