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flyingicecreamtruck · 7 years

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Hard Left Turn: Shepard Pt 3

Shepard did not know how long she cried, but eventually her sobs tapered off, and she lay exhausted in Thane's arms. She could feel, rather then hear, the low rumble in his chest where he was pressed against her back. It was an instinctive sound, she knew, meant to sooth. Even though her human physiology would not respond to the gesture, she did appreciate it.

A yawn forced its way out of her. It was so tempting to give in and fall asleep but she need to clean herself up before she did, otherwise she would feel like shit in the morning. With a sigh Shepard shifted and rolled onto her back, glancing over at Thane.

He sat up, looking alarmed. “Siha, your face is flushed and your eyes are swollen. You are also very warm. Do you have a fever? Do I need to call Doctor Chakwas?”

“Am I the good kind of warm?” She asked as she sat up, hoping to lighten the mood. It didn't work. Thane frowned at her. “I'm all right, I promise. It happens to humans when we cry that hard. I just need to get cleaned up.” She glanced around for her overnight bag. It was sitting on the small dresser across from the bed.

Before she could stand up, Thane put a gentle hand on her shoulder. “What do you need? I will get it for you.”

The part of her that was Commander Shepard wanted to stand up and tell Thane she was fine. She had not allowed anyone to coddle her since she was 16, when she had been pulled out of the wreckage of her home and been told that everyone and everything she loved was gone. But the rest of her...oh it had felt so good to let go, to allow herself to be taken care of. And Thane would never see her as weak for it.

She smiled at him, heart full of love. “A glass of water would help. I'm going to wash off my face and change. I'll be right back.” As Thane hurried out into the kitchen, she grabbed her bag and moved to the bathroom. After wiping her face with a cold cloth, she quickly changed into her sleep ware. She started to shove her clothes into her bag but caught sight of the supplies she had brought for tonight. They sat in the bottom of her bag, mocking her. Great job ruining your own plans. With a sigh she shoved her clothes in the bag and walked out of the bathroom, tossing it in a corner as Thane came back in the room.

“Thank you,” she said, accepting the glass her held out to her. When she was done she set the empty glass on the bedside table and tilted her face towards Thane. “Better?”

He hummed as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, looking relieved. Her eyes dropped to the floor briefly before returning to meet his. “I'm sorry, Thane. I didn't want our first night back together to include me having a breakdown.”

“How quickly you forget.” Thane's eyes flicker in memory. “She comes to me, fingers cool and soothing. Thane, be alive with me tonight.” Her hand cupped his face as it had done on that first night they spent together. His eyes refocused on her. “It is one of my most cherished memories. You woke me Siha, showed me how to live again, and comforted me when my fear and shame threatened to overwhelm me. You have given me back my son. I have watched you stand tall against everything the universe has thrown at you. You inspire where ever you go and we all follow you willingly. No Reaper spawned horror could command such loyalty, or my love.”

What could she say to that? She did not have his gift for words. It was nearly overwhelming, the depth of love that he had for her. And she for him. For the second time that day, Shepard threw her arms around his neck, hugging him close.

Thane seemed to understand her silence. He hugged her back just as tightly before pulling away. “Come, you need to rest.”

As she climbed into bed and settled down, Shepard watched, appreciative, as Thane stripped down to his under clothes. If only she wasn't so exhausted, she would have dragged Thane down next to her. “Hey, that's not fair!” she exclaimed as the room was suddenly plunged into darkness. Thane gave a low laugh as he slid in next to her. She quickly wrapped herself around him, throwing an arm across his chest and resting her head on his shoulder. “I love you, Thane,” she murmured, rubbing her cheek against his shoulder, enjoying the faint rasp of skin against scales.

Cool fingers stroked down her arm. “I love you too. Sleep. We have a long road ahead of us and you need rest.”

Shepard could not help but smile into the darkness. Though the fate of the galaxy hung by a thread, she and Thane would fight side by side to whatever end awaited them. With a deep breath, Shepard closed her eyes, letting herself relax. Eventually sleep claimed her and, thankfully, she did not dream.

#shrios #thanedeservedbetter #thanelives #thane krios

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flyingicecreamtruck · 7 years

Text

Hard Left Turn: Shepard Part 1

Notes: Thane Lives AU! Several lines of dialog and the contents of letters from the game are used verbatim. I'm also fudging the time line of the game slightly.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and its characters are not mine.

Summary: Oh fuck it, she thinks as she launched herself into his arms to the hoots and cheers of her crew, I deserve this.

“So what do you think?”

The cabin was tiny; nothing more then a large room with a kitchen and a separate bathroom, but that didn't matter: the back door opened onto a private section of beach along the Pacific. She smiled as she shifted her weight, floor boards creaking. Actual wooden floors! “It's perfect. How did you find this place?”

“I have my ways,” Kaidan murmured as he moved up behind her.

She hummed as his arms slid around her. For a moment they simply stood, listening to the sound of the distant surf. “10 days,” she said dreamily, “10 days of nothing to do but eat, sleep and lay on the beach.”

Kaidan chuckled into her hair. “Are you going to be able to cope with that level of inactivity?”

“Hmm, you have a point,” She turned in his arms with a wicked grin, slipping a leg between his. “You may need to distract me.”

“Subtle.” But Kaidan's hands were already slipping under her shirt. It was quickly tossed away, hands returning to cup her ass. With a small jump she wrapped her legs around his waist. He grinned as he carried her to the bed, dumping her unceremoniously on it.

She laughed as she bounced, quickly wriggling out of her pants as Kaidan stripped above her. The bed dipped as he crawled towards her and Shepard moaned as his weight settled on her, his half hard cock pressing against her thigh. She pushed her fingers through his hair as Kaidan's mouth found her neck-

“Commander, we are currently one hour away from docking at the Citdael.”

Shepard jerked awake in the darkness of her cabin, heart pounding, sheets twisted low around her legs. Fuck, she thinks as guilt surged through her. An hour away? “How long was I asleep?”

“You have been asleep for the last 6 hours and 48 minutes.”

“7 hours?” Why hadn't anyone woken her up? She was supposed to have called Thane hours ago to let him know the Normandy's ETA. She sat up, suddenly aware of a heavy throbbing between her legs. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Stripping off her sweat soaked tank top and underwear Shepard stumbled into the shower, cranking the faucet all the way to the right. She hissed as the icy cold water poured over her.

Her arousal quickly vanished but it did nothing for her guilt.

Kaidan. The knot in her stomach tightened. It had been there ever since she had received his e-mail two days ago. He was awake and wanted to talk. Talk about what? He had made it clear that he would never be able to see past her involvement with Cerberus. Is that what they did to you? Is the woman I loved still in there? A shudder went through her as she remembered Saren, convulsing, flesh burning away to reveal a husked skeleton. A familiar panic shot through her. What if-

“Commander, are you all right? I am reading high levels of-”

“I'm fine EDI,” she said through chattering teeth, “Tell Joker I'll be on the bridge in 20.”

“Acknowledged. Also, several of the Grissom Academy students have requested permission to observe our approach to the Citadel from the bridge.”

She sighed and adjusted the water temperature. “As long as Joker says it's all right.”

“He does. I will relay the message.”

“Thank you EDI.”

She finished her shower and dried off, moving out into the bedroom to get dressed. She sat on the bed to pull on her boots. When she was done, Shepard picked up the data pad that lay on her pillow. She had transferred all of Thane's letter and videos onto it. She carried it with her during the day and went to sleep to the sound of his voice at night.

He had written her faithfully even though he knew the letters would not reach her. That made her guilt surge again. Thane had been on her mind constantly during their separation but she had not bothered to write him. What was the point? The Alliance had not allowed any outside contact.

She had sent him brief messages over the last month, letting him know where the Normandy was headed: the Shrike Abyssal, the Cerberus lab on Sanctum, Grissom Academy. Once they had rescued the students and set course for the Citadel she had found enough time to sit down and call him. She had spent the first five minutes crying, much to her embarrassment. It had been so good to hear his voice. Thane had merely smiled at her. I had the same reaction when I received your letter, Siha. They had talked for nearly three hours before Kahlee Sanders had pulled her away. She had hung up promising to call once the Normandy was 3 hours out.

I need to call him. But how could she even look him in the eye? After seven long months they would finally be reunited and she had been dreaming about sex with another man. Fuck. With a sigh Shepard put down the data pad and stood. She would find Thane after she got Jack and the Grissom Academy students settled.

Once on the bridge she allowed herself to be distracted by the routine of docking and the excited chatter of Jack's students. At the familiar thump and hiss of the Citadel's airlock cycling she reached up to flip on the intercom. “All hands, this is the captain. The local time is 11:43 am. We will be pushing off promptly at 1900 hours tomorrow. All crew must be back at their posts by 1800 hours for the pre-flight lockdown. Enjoy your brief shore leave.”

As she exited the bridge Shepard was startled to see most of the crew already at the airlock. Cortez had declined the offer of shore leave. Shepard frowned; she would need to talk to him soon. Liara was still holed up in her office fine tuning her equipment and didn't want to be disturbed. “Garrus, wasn't the Primarch supposed to come with you?” He had spoken of his plans to meet with the Council and tour the refugee camp.

“Yes, but there were some last minute reports from Palavan. I'll meet him later.”

“Did something happen? Am I needed in the War Room?”

“No, I'm sure everything is fine.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Garrus, there's a war on.”

“Right,” her friend said, mandibles twitching, “By fine I mean-hey!”

“Can we hurry this up,” Joker said, moving up beside her, accidentally bumping against Garrus in the press of bodies, “Time is shore leave and some of us can't walk very fast.”

Vega waved a hand at the airlock door. Was he bouncing slightly? “Commanders first.”

Thane was waiting for her and so was Kaidan. With a deep breath she exited the airlock half expecting to be run over by Jack's student's in their eagerness to see the Citadel.

When no one tried to push past her she turned to look back, but as she did a familiar shade of green caught her eye. Oh, she thinks, heart beginning to hammer. She turned back around to see Thane walking towards her.

Drell facial expressions were far more subtle then human yet Thane's face lit up as he saw her. In that moment Shepard forgot everything; the guilt; her exhaustion, the war raging around them. None of that mattered because Thane was standing right in front of her, healthy and whole.

It had been hard to tell any difference through a vid screen but Thane looked incredible. His scales were a more vivid green and seemed to shimmer faintly in the artificial light of the waiting area. It took every once of control she had not to throw herself at him. “Thane, I...” She bit her lip to keep from crying. You talked to him yesterday! Get a grip.

“Siha,” he murmured, reaching out to take her hand. He raised it to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles.

Oh fuck it, she thinks as she launched herself into his arms to the hoots and cheers of her crew, I deserve this. Thane did not seem to mind the audience; one hand sinking into her hair, the other twisting into her hoodie to clutch her close.

“I've missed you so much,” she choked out.

Thane made a low noise in the back of his throat, pressing his face into her hair.

“This is so romantic!” someone gasped. It sounded like Traynor.

Right. Her crew. She reluctantly pulled away and turned just in time to see several omni-tools flick off. She glared at Joker. He stared back with a look of exaggerated innocence. When she turned back to look at Thane she saw amusement dancing in his eyes.

“You knew we were coming,” she accused, narrowing her eyes in mock anger.

Thane took her hand again, lacing their fingers together as much as he could. “When you did not call at the appointed time I became worried. I called the Normandy to make sure everything was all right. EDI informed me that you had fallen asleep. I did not wish for her to wake you.”

I was dreaming about Kaidan. “I'm sorry, Thane. I didn't mean to worry you. I should have called when I woke up-”

“You are here now. That is all that matters.”

“I missed you too Lizard Man.”

Thane turned with a small noise of amusement. “It is good to see you Jack. You look well. It seems that teaching agrees with you.”

“Don't spread that around. I have a reputation to maintain.”

“Indeed,” Without letting go of her hand Thane turned to the rest of the crew. “It is good to see you all again. Garrus, I am sorry about Palavan.”

“Thanks. We'll make those bastard fight for every inch of ground,” Garrus gripped Thane's free hand in greeting. “It's good to see you too. You're coming with us right? I'm going to need my sniping partner.”

“I'm afraid I was given no choice in the matter.” Thane squeezed her fingers gently as she turned to him, surprised. She had given no such ultimatum. “Joker and I had quite the conversation earlier, Siha. I was told that he and EDI had already kidnapped half the crew and it would no trouble to kidnap one more if I refused to leave the Citadel. That must be a fascinating story. I look forward to hearing it tonight.”

“Joker!”

“Gah! Garrus, be a pal and pull this knife out of my back.”

Suddenly impatient to have Thane to herself Shepard made shooing motions at the crew.“All right. The meet and greet is over. I don't want to see any of you until tomorrow afternoon.” That prompted another round of hoots and and good-natured jeers. “We'll have plenty of time for introductions later James,” she said as he started to protest.“Jack, I'll meet you at the Embassies shortly.”

“Try not to show up covered in a rash this time!”

Mortified, Shepard could only stare as her crew dispersed; Vega chasing after Jack demanding to know what she was talking about. Kahlee smirked at her before following Jack. “We'll be lucky if that story isn't all over the extranet in an hour,” she muttered, pressing her face into Thane's shoulder, ignoring the slight ache in her hand. She was going to have to build up her immunity to his venom all over again. “How quickly do you think I can find another crew and escape?”

Thane chuckled, wrapping his arms around her. She sighed, savoring the feel of being back in his arms. It had been a long, lonely seven months. “So, tell me about tonight.”

“Dinner will be at 8 o'clock. Kolyat wishes to speak to you so he will be joining us.”

“He is?” She hoped she didn't sound too disappointed.

“Yes,” Thane said amused, “Kolyat has recently begun to study with the Priesthood. Through prayer and meditation he has been moved to apologize to those he has wronged, including you.”

Kolyat did not owe her anything. He had just been a confused angry kid. “I supposed I could apologize as well. I did punch him.”

A beep from her omni-tool made Shepard sigh. She did not need to look down to know that it was Jack telling her to hurry up. She pulled away to look at Thane. “I'm sorry. I've got so much to do. I need to get Jack and her students taken care of, a Spectre named Jondum Bau wants to see me, Aria T'Loak is here for some reason and Kaidan's awake. He's asked to see me.”

“Yes, we have spoken several times. He mentioned he had written you. I have not told him who I am, of course,” Thane said quickly at her raised eyebrow. “And I am aware that this will cause complications should he wish to rejoin the crew.”

She snorted. “There's no chance of that happening.” Is that what they did to you? Thane cocked his head, asking a silent question. She shook her head. Now wasn't the time. “I'm going to tell him about us, Thane. I-”

Her omni-tool beeped again. “Jack?” Thane asked. She nodded as she typed out a quick reply. “It is good to know she has not changed that much,” Thane said dryly. “I will not keep you any longer. I have much to do before tonight but I have enough time to accompany you to the Embassies.”

Thane glanced at her slightly redden hand and offered his arm. She took it with a grin. “Why thank you, Sere.” Shepard said as they walked down the hall to the elevator. “Don't worry about my hand. I need to go find Dr. Chakwas anyway. I'll have her give me something.”

“She has been eagerly awaiting your arrival.” Thane said as the elevator doors shut behind them.

“Yeah, I got her strongly worded email shortly after I got yours.”

Thane chuckled as the doors opened to the Embassy lobby. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her hair. “Until tonight, Siha.”

Shepard stepped out into the lobby and watched the doors close behind her, wondering if the fluttery feeling in her stomach was what swooning felt like.

#thanedeservedbetter #shrios #thanelives #thane krios

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flyingicecreamtruck · 7 years

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Hard Left Turn: Shepard Part 2

Notes: Thane Lives AU! Several lines of dialog and the contents of letters from the game are used verbatim. I'm also fudging the time line of the game slightly.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and its characters are not mine.

Shepard stared at the door to Huerta Memorial, anxiety building with each heartbeat.

This is ridiculous. She had saved the Citadel, passed through the Omega 4 relay and told the Illusive Man to go fuck himself but the thought of facing Kaidan made her heart race and sweat prick along her spine. He wants to talk. Go talk to him. Lack of communication was what had caused the rift between them in the first place. Maybe they would be able to salvage something.

Is that what they did to you? Is the woman I loved still in there? Weeks later and it still felt like Kaidan had reached into her chest and ripped out her heart. She could forgive him for Horizon; that had been her fault, but Mars...what if it's-

With a curse Shepard retreated into the elevator, overnight bag thumping against her leg. She hit the button for the Presidium. Once there she hailed a cab and gave the driver Thane's address. As the scenery flashed by she struggled to remember the meditation techniques that Thane had tried to teach her. It had mostly been in vain; she could never clear her mind enough.

The cab came to a halt and she climbed out leaving a large tip for the driver. She glanced around the ward's lobby before heading down the main hallway. All the way down, turn right, third door on the left.

As she reached the apartment Shepard hesitated a brief moment before hitting the caller. She quickly plastered a smile on her face as the door slid open to reveal Kolyat.

“Commander Shepard! It's good to see you.” He took a step back, motioning her inside. “Father is in the kitchen. May I?” She handed over her bag and watched as Kolyat disappeared to the rear of the small apartment.

“Siha, you are early.” Her smile turned genuine as Thane emerged from the kitchen. She leaned against him gratefully as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Well I've had a long day and I heard I could get a free meal here.”

“So I've heard,” Thane said leading her to the small dining area. A glass of red wine and salad sat on the table. “Is it true you called one of the Hanar diplomats a big stupid jellyfish?”

How had that gotten around so fast? “I don't recall. You know how bad human memories are. Do I smell garlic?”

Thane chuckled as he held her chair. “Yes. Lasagna, double stuffed. Your favorite as I recall.”

She grinned as he pushed in her chair and took the one opposite her. “I do love that memory of yours. Kasumi says hi by the way.”

“I should have known she was mixed up in whatever was happening. I hope she is well?”

“As far as Bau knows she died in the explosion at the office but I sent her to Hackett. Her tech expertise will be an huge asset.”

A buzzer sounded from the kitchen. Thane motioned her to stay seated as he went to check on the food. She took a sip of wine and started on her salad.

“Commander, may I speak with you?”

She smiled up at Kolyat. “Of course.” She gestured to the chair Thane had vacated. “How have you been? Commander Bailey tells me nothing but good things about you.”

“Things are going well.” Kolyat sat down across from her, fidgeting nervously. “That is what I wanted to talk to you about. I wanted to thank you for all you did for me. If you had not stopped me I would be in jail or dead. I also wanted to apologize for my behavior.”

“Kolyat, you don't owe me anything. I know what it's like to be that young and angry. I lost my whole family when I was 16 and I did a lot of stupid things in the years after before I joined the Alliance.”

“Yes, once Father told me of your relationship I began to research you. I hope that doesn't offend you.” Shepard shook her head silently, finishing her salad. “I read about Mindoir. I'm sorry about your family. It seems we have a lot in common but I seriously doubt you tried to assassinate someone.”

Shepard let out a snort of laughter. “Yeah, you've got me there but I'll accept your apology if you accept mine for punching you. You really didn't deserve that.”

Kolyat shifted in his chair. “I...thank you Commander. I accept.”

“Good, and I accept your apology as well.” She took another sip of wine, studying the young man over the rim of her glass. During their call Thane had told her that Kolyat had been upset when he been told of their relationship but he wasn't acting like it. “Are you all right with this? Your father coming with me?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Kolyat, he came here to be close to you; because he wanted to repair your relationship. The last thing I want to do is cause another upset in your life.”

Kolyat stared at her for a moment, his inner eyelids sliding rapidly over his eyes to disappear again before dropping his gaze to the table. His eyes flickered as a memory took hold. Finally he looked back up at her.

“Thank you Commander Shepard. It means much that you thought to ask but I have always known that Father would one day return to your side. You are his Siha after all. I did not think it would happen so soon but it is what it is. The memories of the last seven months are good ones and I will cherish them. And I have my duties in C-Sec and my studies with the Priesthood. I will not waste the second chance I have been given.”

“All right,” she said, relieved. Despite everything Kolyat had a good heart. She smiled at him as Thane returned, setting a plate down in front of Kolyat. It must have been a drell dish. She didn't recognize anything on the plate. “You don't want any lasagna?”

Kolyat scowled. “No. I don't know why humans insist on putting tomatoes in all of their food. They are disgusting.”

Oh. She blinked at Kolyat and then glanced up at Thane. “It seems that Drell taste buds are not suited to them. I find them problematic as well.”

“Does this mean I get a whole pan to myself?” she gasped in delight. Thane laughed, walking back into the kitchen and returning with a small pan, setting it in front of her. “Oh My God, it smells amazing.” The only thing that kept her from moaning at the first bite was Kolyat's presence across from her. “This is incredible.” When was the last time she had had a home cooked meal? Thane took the chair next to her looking pleased, a plate of the same food her had serve Kolyat in front of him.

“So, I bet you have some good stories from working in C-Sec. Garrus always does.” As they ate Kolyat had her laughing as he recounted all the odd things he had seen in his time at C-Sec. In turn she told him of her missions so far: the escape from Earth (“Yes, technically Joker and EDI did kidnap the crew.”), Palavan, the Cerberus lab on Sanctum and the escape from Grissom Academy. As they talked Thane sat quietly watching them with a contented look on his face.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked quietly as they finished eating. Kolyat stood and began to clear the table.

Thane touched her hand gently. “That I am blessed to be sitting here with my son and my Siha. I could not have imagined such a thing when I joined you on Illium. I love you.”

Warmth blossomed in her chest. “Neither could I but here we all are. I love you too.”

“I think this is my cue to leave.” Kolyat stood in the kitchen door way looking slightly embarrassed. “I will see you both tomorrow.”

“Good night Kolyat,” Shepard said as Thane stood to walk Kolyat to the door. She eyed the pan of lasagna debating whether she should have another piece and deciding against it. She was pleasantly full; if she ate anymore she would regret it. Instead she poured another glass of wine and moved to sit on the sofa.

She smiled at Thane as he walked back into the living room. “You've got one hell of a kid Thane.”

“His mother's influence, not mine.”

“Hey,” she reached out to grab his hand, pulling him down beside her, “Don't sell yourself short. You're right. Kolyat has changed for the better. I can see it. That was you.”

“Thank you. It is good to know that I have had some positive influence in his life.” Thane shifted so she could lean back against him. She reached across Thane to set her wine glass on the end table before settling into his arms with a please hum. Full of food and wine, and in Thane's arms, she felt better then she had in weeks. “Tell me of your day. What will happen to Jack and her students?”

“We're shipping them to the front but in support roles. The kids weren't too happy about that but it's what Jack recommended. The Illusive Man forced Aria off of Omega. She's agreed to help out if I can get control of her mercenaries. We've got the Blood Pack and Eclipse on our side. I just need the Blue Suns.”

“And your visit with Kaidan?” Her good mood vanished instantly, her guilt returning. Thane felt her mood shift and sat up straight. “Siha, did something happen-”

“I didn't go,” she blurt out, unable to look at him. Shepard could feel the familiar panic start to crawl up her spine. She stood, moving to put some distance between them. “Thane, when you called this morning and I was asleep I...I was dreaming about Kaidan.”

“From what I understand humans cannot control their dreams.” Thane said hesitantly. “They are a product of the subconscious, yes? I imagine Kaidan has been much on your mind. I know it could not have been easy to see him injured in such a way. Did you expect me to be angry?”

“I wasn't just dreaming about him. I was dreaming about the shore leave we took after defeating Sovereign and...” She trailed off, swallowing against the lump in her throat.

“I see,” Thane said after a long pause. “I assume you mean you were having a sexual dream.” She nodded faintly, staring at the floor. The couch creaked slightly as Thane stood, taking a step towards her.

“I do not understand,” he said, sounding perplexed. Any other time she would have found it amusing. Thane's hands settled on her shoulders, gently but firmly turning her to face him. “I can recall every intimate moment I shared with Irikah with perfect clarity, including the morning we conceived Kolyat. Why would I think-”

“That's not the point Thane!” she snapped, pulling away. “I shouldn't have been dreaming of him at all. On Mars there was a Cerberus soldier. We went to get the transmitter in his helmet. Underneath he was nothing but a Husk and Kaidan, he-” A sob escaped her. Thane took her hand, thumb brushing against her palm. “He wanted to know if that's what had happened to me; if I were nothing more then a mindless husk. How could he say that to me?” She clutched at Thane's arm, eyes blurring, the fear nearly choking her. “What if it's true? I don't remember anything. One moment I'm getting spaced and the next I'm waking up in a lab. What if I'm just something that thinks it's Commander Shepard?”

“No.” Thane said with conviction. He cupped her face, forcing her to look into those large dark eyes that she loved so much. “That is not true. You are alive, Siha. I only have to look into to your eyes to see it.”

That quiet assurance broke the last of her control. Shepard began to sob in relief. She had never dared voice her suspicions aloud. Thane pulled her close and after a moment she felt herself lifted into his arms. He carried her back into his bedroom and gently placed her on the bed before pulling off her boots. Thane crawled in next to her, pulling her close. Safe in his arms, Shepard finally allowed herself to let go.

#thanedeservedbetter #shrios #thanelives #thane krios

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flyingicecreamtruck · 7 years

Text

Hard Left Turn: Thane Part 1

Notes: Thane Lives AU! Several lines of dialog and the contents of letters from the game are used verbatim. I'm also fudging the time line of the game slightly.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and its characters are not mine.

Summary: They hit Earth first. The Reapers came for Shepard.

Siha,

As always I write this letter knowing that it will not reach you. All lines of communication that I have tried remain closed: official diplomatic inquiries, the Shadow Broker; I have even tried a false identity to get a message through, yet none have yielded any results. What little information I have of you comes from the news reports from Earth: you have been stripped of your rank and are under house arrest, awaiting trial for the events at Aratoht.

While I do not wish to rehash an old argument I find it abhorrent that the Alliance would hold you responsible for the deaths of 300,000 Batarians. If you had not destroyed that relay the galaxy would have fallen to the Reapers before we are fully prepared. I hope the Alliance will listen to your warnings. I pray that they are treating you well.

I miss you. More and more I find myself lost in memories. I cannot forget you. That is what humans say. With us it is a state called tu-fira: lost in another. I told you once that when a memory feels as real as life, it is as valid as life. But the memories of you will never be enough.

Forgive me, I do not want you to think I am wasting the “new lease on life” I have been given. I know how angry it would make you. The doctors at Huerta Memorial are impressed with my progress and have have recently cleared me to return to my normal level of activity. In thanks for all they have done I have begun to volunteer my time at the hospital. It is good to give back.

Though I have lost contact with the rest of the crew, Dr. Chakwas has remained on the Citadel. We meet once a week for dinner. She tells me of your adventures on the SR-1. I would not believe half of what she tells me if I had not seen your methods with my own eyes.

Sometimes we are joined by Commander Bailey. Other times the Commander and I will retire to his office to speak of our families and our failures as fathers and husbands. He has not seen his own family in many years. Perhaps this why he has taken such an interest in Kolyat. I will forever be grateful to the Commander for the part he has played in helping my son.

I am so proud of him, Siha. Kolyat has changed so much from the sullen, moody boy you rescued a year ago. His work in C-Sec has given him purpose, allowed him channel his energies in to making a difference in the galaxy. Every day I see more of Irikah emerge in him.

“Father!” Thane glances up from his data pad to see Kolyat hurrying towards him still dressed in his C-Sec uniform. He smiles. Yes, he is very proud of his son. Thane stands and tucks the pad away. “I apologize for being late. A situation came up and I wanted to stay until it was resolved.”

“It is no trouble. I trust it was nothing serious?”

Kolyat shakes his head as they climb the stairs from the Presidium courtyard to Apollo's Cafe. At early afternoon the restaurant is nearly deserted and they quickly find a table. A waiter hurries over to take their order.

“While I was out on patrol I came across a young Asari girl that had been separated from her mother. I wanted to wait with her until she was found. I know it is a small thing Father but I'm glad I was able to help that little girl.”

“It is no small thing to the girl or her mother. They will always remember the drell who reunited their family and be grateful. I'm very proud of the work you are doing.”

Kolyat straightens under the praise. “Thank you Father.”

The waiter returns with their food and a comfortable silence falls between them as they eat. It is a far cry from their first few stilted dinners after his release from the hospital. Though his separation from Shepard chaffes at him, Thane can never bring himself to regret his time on the Citadel. He and Kolyat grow closer every day.

During the months Thane had been confined to the hospital, recovering from his lung transplant, he and Kolyat had spoken often of Irikah's death and his abandonment at Thane's hands. Though it would never make up for those lost years, it seemed that Kolyat at least understood why Thane had disappeared from his life. Now he could begin to heal. In time Thane hopes for his son's forgiveness.

“How have your studies been going?” It seemed that the first step towards forgiveness for Kolyat was to begin to study with the small contingent of Drell priests on the Citadel.

“It is going well. The Brothers have-”

A horrified cry cut Kolyat off. It sounded human. Thane's head snaps up, searching for a disturbance, yet... no one is moving. The entire presidium seems frozen in place. Other voices join the first; orange flickered rapidly in his vision as dozens of Omni-tools flare to life around the Presidium.

“Father, what is happening?”

Kolyat starts to stand. Thane grabs his arm to keep him still. People were beginning to move, several fled the Presidium. He can hear crying. Dread settles in his chest, squeezing his lungs. Something catastrophic has happened.

Thane glances up as a group of humans moved past him towards the front of the cafe. They stop in front of the large vid screen next to the counter. Something cold slithers through Thane's chest. No, he thinks, no. Unable to stop himself he moves to join them, Kolyat a step behind him. A split second before he sees the screen, Thane knows what he would see. It in no way prepares him for the reality.

EARTH FALLS TO INVADING FORCE the scroll read. Though the footage was grainy and slightly out of focus, Thane can see the outline of a burning city. Amid the ruins, and in the air, are the unmistakable shapes of dozens of Reaper ships.

For a brief moment, and only the second time in his life, Thane's mind goes blank. No training, no memories, just an swirling, black void of rage and grief. A low hissing sound intrudes. It is the sound of a drell in distress. Kolyat? No, that is him-

-Irikah's body, broken and bloody on the floor of their home, the hanar officer flashing a deep, mournful gray-

“-breath!” Fingers dig sharply into his arm. The pain brings the world back into focus. Thane sucks air into screaming lungs as he is pushed down into the nearest chair. His scales twitch in disgust at the feel of Kolyat's hand on his bare arm. It takes every ounce of control he has not to shove his son away.

They hit Earth first. The Reapers came for Shepard. Oh Siha...Had she survived the initial attack? Was she already dead? No one had listened to her warnings. Thane can feel his pulse pounding in his temples. Why had he not done more to help her? He should have-

Thane hissed again as pain lances through his chest, so sharp and hot that his vision dims around the edges. He presses a hand to his chest. It feels as if his entire body is throbbing in time to his pulse. He can vaguely hear Kolyat shouting. Thane glances up into his son's face. The scales around his eyes have gone white and his second eyelids are visible. He is terrified.

Shame washes through him. With a deep breath Thane reaches inside himself for the training that has guided him for most of his life. He presses down the rage and grief and fear. They are useless right now. He needs to keep a clear head. Thane could not think of Commander Shepard now, not when Kolyat is standing in front of him. I will not fail our son again Irikah, he vows.

Thane forces himself to stand. “I am all right Kolyat.”

The look his son gives him clearly said how ridiculous that statement is. “I'm taking you to the hospital Father. Dr. Tozon is waiting for us.” He opens his mouth to object but Kolyat shakes his head. “You are getting cold. Remember your promise.”

Yes, his promise. He had sworn to Shepard, and later to Kolyat, that he would do all that was required to maintain his health. He had too much to live for. With a nod Thane allows himself to be guided out of the cafe. An oppressive silence has fallen over the entire Presidium. He can hear every step they take. The elevator door is so loud that Thane flinches. Kolyat follows him inside, slamming the button for Huerta Memorial.

“Those were Reaper ships. This is what Commander Shepard tried to warn everyone about.” Thane nods, chest aching. Kolyat let out a sob. “Father, what do we do?”

With a conviction he does not feel Thane takes his son's face in his hands, brushing away his tears. “We live. That is all we can do. We live and we help where we can. When the Reapers come, we will fight. And when it is time we will all be reunited across the sea.” Was Shepard already waiting for him? He had never considered the possibility of her death.

That seems to ease some of the tension in his son's shoulders. Kolyat takes a deep breath and nods, pulling away as the door opens to admit them to Huerta.

Word has reached the hospital. The patient lounge is full of crying, frightened people, most of whom are grouped around the reception desk, shouting at the harried-looking asari behind the desk. Thane recognizes her; Vessna, another volunteer. They have often taken their breaks together.

She catches his eye, jerking her head towards the door to the in patient area. Thane nods his thanks and follows Kolyat. Dr. Tozon is waiting for them on the other side. The salarian takes one look at him and quickly ushers him into an exam room. He frowns down at his omi-tool, clearly not liking the readings he sees.

“Mild shock. Body temperature is too low. Respiration is too rapid.” Dr. Tozon inputs something into his omni-tool. “Please complete an entire cycle of breathing exercises. I will be back in a few minutes with a UV lamp.”

The first breath Thane takes made his lungs hitch. He doubles over in a coughing fit, trying to get enough air to try again. Hands gently catch him, pressing between his shoulder blades to force him to sit straight.

“Like the therapist showed you, Father. Back straight. Deep breath and hold for 5 seconds.”

Thane takes another breath. It makes his chest ache but he feels his lungs expand. He holds it for a count of five and exhales. Kolyat drops his hands as he finds his rhythm. Slowly Thane feels his pulse return to normal. He lets out a long breath before looking over at his son.

“I am sorry for my outburst. I know I frightened you.”

Kolyat's fists clench at his side. After a moment he relaxes. “You did but I understand. I am sorry about...do you think Commander Shepard-” Thane is saved from answering by the beeping of Kolyat's omni-tool. He glances down with a frown. “It's Commander Bailey. Everyone is being recalled.” Kolyat dropped his arm with a groan. “The Council is issuing a lock down for evening hours.”

Thane winced. A lock down was a logistical nightmare. All non-essential personnel had to be off the streets in a matter of hours. C-Sec was in for a long day. “Go. I will return home immediately once Dr. Tozon releases me.” His son hesitates for a moment and then nods. Thane stands and touches his shoulder. “Stay safe. I love you.”

“I will. I love you too, Father.” With head held high Kolyat leaves the exam room, dodging Dr. Tozon.

Thane strips down to his under clothes as the doctor sets up the UV lamp. As he stretches out on the bed, Dr. Tozon takes another scan. “Better. Please remain under the lamp for one hour. I will be back to check on you. If everything looks fine, I will let you return home.”

“Thank you Doctor.”

As soon as he is alone, Thane's defenses fall. He presses his fists to his eyes, forcing back the tears that threaten. Had it all been for nothing? The lung transplant, the separation and silence? He had been so sure that he would fight this war at his siha's side. Why else had he lived through the Omega 4 relay? What else had it been but Kalahira's favor, a sign that he had been forgiven, when Miranda had handed him the data pad with a medical plan to save his life? Had he assumed too much?

Kalahira, Mistress of Inscrutable Depths, I beg your forgiveness. Please, show me my path that I might serve you faithfully. An aching silence is his only answer. Oh Siha, I am so sorry.

Memories threaten to overtake him. Thane pushes them aside, ignoring the throbbing in his head, and stares blankly up at the ceiling until Dr. Tozon returns and releases him.

#thanedeservedbetter #thanelives #thane krios #shrios

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flyingicecreamtruck · 7 years

Text

Hard Left Turn: Thane Part 2

Notes: Thane Lives AU! Several lines of dialog and the contents of letters from the game are used verbatim. I'm also fudging the time line of the game slightly.

Disclaimer: Mass Effect and its characters are not mine.

Life continues on the Citadel because it has to.

The lockdown ends and the population emerges, cautious but eager to return to whatever time is left to them, though the news grows dire with each passing hour.

Several Turian colonies fall, followed by Palaven; though not without a fight. Thane cannot help but smile grimly at the tactics that allow for the destruction of several Reaper capital ships over the planet. Only the Turians could have pulled off such a risky maneuver. Thane spares a though for Garrus. He wonders if his friend had a hand in that victory.

Refugees begin flooding into Citadel space seeking sanctuary. Human and Batarian, they spread word of galaxy wide annihilation. The Reapers show no mercy, harvesting entire planets or simply destroying them out right. Kar'shan has fallen. Arcturus Station is destroyed, taking with it the entirety of the human government.

The entire Sol system goes dark. Thane sets his omni-tool to scan every frequency he knows, hoping for some word of a human resistance. If Shepard is alive, she will be in the thick of it. But there is nothing and his hope diminishes with each passing day.

Battle sleep haunts his waking hours, threatening to overwhelm him. The only thing that keeps him from sinking into that void is Kolyat. His son has taken his words to heart; if not on duty he can be found down in the docking bays helping the Priesthood administer to the ever growing number of refugees. They hand out food, clothing, and other necessities, and even help arrange for medical care.

It bolsters him to see Kolyat flourishing, even as the galaxy descends into chaos. For his son's sake, Thane forces himself to eat and sleep and continue his volunteer work.

One afternoon Thane joins Kolyat and the Brothers. He is in the middle of helping a human woman set up bedding for her two small children when his omni-tools beeps. It is an e-mail from Commander Bailey.

Please come see me when you get a chance.

Thane finishes his task and excuses himself. He finds Kolyat sorting through crates of food. “Commander Bailey has asked to see me. I will return once I have spoken with him.” His son nods absently, not looking up from his task.

As he leaves the docking bay, Thane's eye is caught by the memorial wall that has sprung up. Each day it grows larger as more and more refugees arrive. He thinks of the pictures he has saved on his omni-tool; the ones of the two days they had allowed themselves before he had gone under Mordin's knife. He has jealously hoarded them, refusing to part with a single one. They may be the only tangible thing he has left of Shepard.

The elevator doors open to the Embassies. As Thane steps out he is stuck by the change in the atmosphere. The lobby is full of people, excited whispers filling the air. Had there been news? He quickly hurries across the lobby and up the stairs to Bailey's office.

Thane can hear raised voices through the door. He quickly enters to see a human woman in front of Bailey's desk, a camera hovering over her shoulder. A reporter. Now Thane knew something had happened. Commander Bailey glances up as he enters and a look of panic crosses his face.

“Ms. Al-Jalani, if you could-”

“And don't you think, Commander, that the people deserve to know that Co-?”

“YES! Yes I do. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment with Mr. Nuara. Lieutenant!” Another woman appears from the adjacent office. “Please see Ms. Al-Jalani out.” The reporter protests loudly as she is led out, camera floating after her.

As soon as the door shuts, he turns to Bailey. “Something has happened. Has there been news from Earth?”

Bailey stands. “No, not from Earth.” He picks something up off his desk and holds it out.

It is a data disk. Thane takes it, barely daring to hope. “Shepard?” His voice sounds pained, even to his own ears. “She is alive? Where?”

“I don't know where she is but, and I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this; the Normandy left about an hour ago. Shepard gave me that right before she headed for the docking bay. She said to give that to you right away and to tell you that she's sorry she missed you.”

Thane gripped the disk so hard the plastic edge bit into his palm. An hour. He had missed her by an hour. But Shepard was alive! He could feel his heart begin to quicken. Thank you. Thank you. “How did she seem?”

“As well as can be expected. Can't say the same for the guy she brought in. He was in bad shape.”

No doubt Joker was still in the pilot's seat. Had he been injured? “Do you know who?”

“I heard her call the guy Kaidan.”

The jealousy that twists through him is startling. A picture frame, face down the night he had gone to her full of shame. Kaidan Alenko, the lover she had before him, the one that had turned his back on her. No, that wasn't-

-fair, Thane.” Her hands twitch in mine, but she does not pull away. “What happened on Horizon was my fault. I didn't even try to explain what was going on. Kaidan had every right to be that angry.” I disagree but do not tell her that. Life support hums around us.

A quiet cough broke Thane out of his memory. “Will he be all right?” He truly did not wish harm on the other man but he cannot forget Shepard's downcast eyes as she had spoken of their meeting on Horizon. Had he been able to visit her on Earth?

“Couldn't say. I'm not even sure Shepard knows. As soon as the orderlies took him to the hospital she went to see the Council. Scuttlebutt says they refused her request for help. Goddamned bureaucrats. Udina looks like he's about to spit nails. I don't know much else.”

Thane looked down at the disk in his hand. Suddenly desperate for answers he thanks Bailey and hurries out into the hallway. Later he will have only dim memories of how he made it back to his apartment. What he will remember is the way his hands shook as he tried to get the disk into his portable terminal. On the third try he is successful. A single video file opens. The camera shifts and he can see a blurry form moving before the camera focuses and Shepard's face appears on the screen.

The rush of emotion is overwhelming. His fist slams on the keyboard, freezing the video. A sob escapes him, harsh in the quiet of his apartment, and Thane is powerless to stop the flood of tears. All his anger and worry and grief come pouring out and it is several minutes before he is able to gain control of himself. With a shuddering breath Thane wipes his eyes and focuses on the screen. He hits play and Shepard smiles at him. She looks exhausted but her smile is genuine. It makes his heart ache.

“Thane, I'm sorry about this crappy video. I wanted to come find you but something came up and it couldn't wait. I'm headed to Palaven to try and drum up support for Earth. If I can get the Turians to commit resources maybe the Asari and Salarians will fall in line. To win this, we're going to need the whole galaxy united. We think we've found something to help fight the Reapers. Liara discovered it in the Prothean Archives on Mars.”

Thane frowns at the mention of Liara. He had sent her several messages over the last 6 months hoping for word of Shepard but they had all gone unanswered. Even if she had been on Mars Liara was the Shadowbroker. She would not have neglected her duties. Curious.

“Whatever this thing is, Cerberus was after it too. Kaidan...he got hurt trying to protect me. I don't even have time to go to the hospital. I don't know if he's going to...” She breaks off with a sob. Thane blinks back a fresh rush of tears.“Shit Thane, everything is such a mess. I feel like I'm stumbling around in the dark. I'd give anything to have you on the Normandy with me. You always know what to say to keep me going. I don't know when I'll be back on the Citadel but I promise I'll make time to see you. Until then, know that I love you and miss you and hope to see you soon.”

The video abruptly ends. Thane hits play a second time, and then a third, just to hear her voice. When he is through he activates his omni-tool, compressing every letter he has written and every video he has recorded into a file and attaches it to a note.

Siha,

Mere words cannot express the joy I feel in knowing that you are alive. When we heard the news from Earth Kolyat and I feared the worst. I should not have. Death did not stop you; I should not have believed the Reapers could either.

Though circumstances keep us apart know that my love and prayers go with you. By grace given me by the Goddess Arashu, I bid her divine protection to you, my warrior-angel, my Siha, to succeed in your destiny. To light your path through the darkness. To give you hope, when all seems lost.

No matter what happens in the coming days, I know you will face it bravely. You are good at that.

I patiently await your return.

Thane

Post Script: Cerberus may try to finish what they started on Mars. I will look out for Kaidan.

Thane sends off the file with a prayer of thanksgiving and, after several minutes of contemplation, leaves his apartment with renewed purpose. He must first speak with Kolyat. He will need his son's blessing to return to Shepard's side. Then he must speak to Dr. Tozon and have him sign off on a new fitness routine.

He will be ready when his Siha returns.

#thanedeservedbetter #thanelives #shrios #thane krios

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