#thank you brusk i love your art too

[disposal-blueeee]

things i guess . . .

i've been drawing stuff . still struggling with school and life stuff !! but i have like three days to draw because i'm sick and and because i want

i was in a call with brusk and she told me that i should post stuff , so yeah !! now we're both posting stuff !!!

it's been so long since my last post and yeah i only made two things . okay

the first one is edgar from @metamorphmigus and @cherry-207's au , skybound serenade !! ( vargas au that you SHOULD DEFINITELY READ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ) and the second one it's just just a thing i made while i was bored . i wanted to finish it but but idk i just didn't lmao

[whatiswhump]

What if Dr.Harris saw Alfred befriending another doctor, him feeling more comfortable around them or opening up to them, how would he deal with them and how would he deal with Alfred? I'm assuming (hopefully) that the possessive doctor parts really show with that. Also, I am really glad you're back!

@cursedscribbles @voidwhump @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @aliceinwhumperland @whump-it @professional-idiocy @ziptiewhump @angrystudentgoopfire @jaxonjekkels

“I think he needs some sun,” The charge nurse, Ethel, said when she woke him this morning. He had been deep in the throes of a nightmare he couldn’t remember so he was still blinking blearily at the nurse and orderly as they stood over him with their clipboard and medication.

The authoritative middle-aged nurse looked down at him still tangled in the thin sheets of his cot, “Would you like that Alfred?”

He was rarely asked for his opinion and for once he didn’t feel dread at the suggestion from one of his caretakers. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been outside. So he nodded slightly.

“He isn’t approved for grounds privileges yet so put a jacket on him and take him to the courtyard for an hour. That ought to do him some good.” With that, the nurse marked something on her board and left the cell.

The orderly, a brusk one named Ed, waited a moment and looked back down at Alfie and said, “Alright, no trouble now if we do this. If you pitch a fit, you will be right back in here,” before he stared at him long and hard and left the cell to return with a straight jacket. Honestly, Alfie was too tired to fight anything even if he wanted to but he didn’t bother informing Ed of this.

Now Alfie sat in the tepid mid-morning sunshine that washed over the large courtyard in the main building. It was actually fairly pleasant for what it was. Flowers beds and the occasional bench dotted the brick walkways so that if he zoned out just enough, it was almost like he was in one of the parks in his neighborhood back home. He was told to sit and not make any noise when the orderly attached his jacket to the bench he was on. Once Ed wandered away for a cigarette break, it was just Alfie and a few other milling patients. He closed his eyes and lifted his face upwards to let the warmth soak into him, he had forgotten how nice it felt. All of the freckles and warmth his face once held had drained out of him months ago. Now, he was pale and sullen with the occasional mark from a heavy-handed orderly. The traces of who he was before the institution were starting to disappear.

“Enjoying the sun?” A voice very close to him startled him.

He shrunk back and reopened his eyes to see a man, a doctor, he didn’t recognize. He appeared to be in his fifties with thinning hair and a gentle smile. He stood just a few feet away but Alfie hadn’t even heard him approach, it unnerved him slightly.

“My apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just noticed you over here and wanted to introduce myself. I’m Dr. Grant.”

Alfie was a little surprised, most other doctors ignored him if he wasn’t in a session with them, “I’m um Alfred Finch,” he managed quickly. Out an embarrassing force of habit, he tried to extend his hand but the jacket kept it secured to his body.

The man politely pretended not to notice, “Yes, I am sorry we haven’t had the chance to meet before now. I know you’ve been here for a few months. How are you settling in now?”

Was it a trick question? By all definitions, he was doing so very poorly but he didn’t want to get in trouble for saying so.

“Um, fine thanks.”

The standing man smiled gently in response but did not appear convinced by the pithy response, “I know it’s not easy here, it would be a major adjustment for anyone, let alone what you’ve been going through.”

Alfie glanced across the garden at one of the opening doors and then back at him, “So are you one of my doctors?”

“Yes and no. Every doctor at the hospital assists in each case, so I may work with you occasionally but not in the same capacity as Dr. Harris. He is your primary psychiatrist.”

Alfie nodded slowly in comprehension trying not to flinch at the mention of Harris.

“But you know you’re lucky. He has taken quite an interest in you-”

At this Alfie’s eyes darted back to Dr. Grant’s face. Was he taunting him? Smiling or sneering at his colleague’s pet project perhaps?

But instead, all he saw was an earnest expression well at home in the man’s relaxed features, “He is a particularly perceptive doctor but very busy with more patients than most. I am impressed with how much time he seems to spend with you. But if anyone can help you, it will be him.”

He seemed intelligent and empathetic enough but he was still a doctor here so Alfie wasn’t sure why something in his chest sank when he realized this man had drunk the Kool-Aid too. Why should he be any different than anyone else here? It seemed everyone worshipped the sick bastard except him.

The doctor was still speaking amiably when Alfie drifted back into attention, “I read that you are a painter? Have you had a chance to use the arts and crafts room yet?”

It seemed everyone had read everything about him. Did everyone but him have access to the intimate details of his life? Alfie stifled a paranoid urge and responded, “I didn’t know there was one.”

“Yes! It’s limited, it’s no Renaissance workshop but you might enjoy it. I’ll speak to Dr. Harris about it for you, perhaps a bit of normalcy will be nice for you.”

“Thanks,” Alfie thought to all of his canvases at home in his apartment. What had happened to them? Did his art dealer take them, or perhaps the landlord burned them when he cleared out the apartment for new renters? Regardless they were probably gone by now.

“My wife and I love art, I mean- I could never pick up a brush and her creative skills lie in embroidery and sewing the odd dress but we spend a lot of weekends in museums. She loves the precision of the Dutch school, all of those more perfect than life still-lives but my tastes run in the more avant-garde. I guess the chaos that runs through and the glimpse into the artist’s mind appeals to me. Hm, now that I think of it, many of the artists would be considered insane on one level or another. What do you like?” A poor transition but seemingly innocent inquiry.

Alfie smiled slightly at the thought, “Whistler. He’s always been my favorite.”

“Oh, beautiful choice. Yes, I can see it with you. All of those layers of transparent washes coming together to make heartbreakingly subtle scenes, anonymous and unequivocally distinct at the same time. There’s a lot in those paintings even though most people find them simple.”

Alfred found himself looking back at the man for the second time in surprise.

He noticed and chuckled, “I’m sorry, I get carried away sometimes, I don’t know many appreciators of fine art.”

“No, no- it’s fine, I just- I’ve never met anyone else that has described him that way. I agree. It hurts in my chest just to look at one.”

Dr. Grant’s face fell solemn suddenly, “It is a particular weight to bear.”

The doctor’s odd and surprisingly serious proclamation didn’t perturb Alfie but instead did the opposite. For the first time since arriving, he felt like someone wasn’t watching him waiting for him to act out or to study and record, but simply to have a conversation.

A moment passed and Dr. Grant suddenly looked down at his watch, “Oh dear, I’m late again. Nurse Ethel will have my head on a stake if I am late to another session. I’m sorry to cut this chat short but thank you for indulging my ramblings, Alfred.”

Alfie just nodded in response as the man walked off. He felt more awake than he had in a long time... Grant was right about normalcy. Perhaps this doctor would be alright after all.

---

“Please sit down Alfred.” Dr. Harris prompted and the orderly took his cue to push Alfie into the seat.

He himself sat down and took the glasses from the pocket of his white coat to scan his notepad, “You seem a little more up in spirits today. Did Nurse Ethel’s recommendation of sun help?”

“Um, yes, thank you.” Alfie could feel the intimidating presence of the orderly hovering just a few feet behind him.

“I spoke with Dr. Grant and he mentioned you were quite loquacious,” He looked up from whatever he had been reading to make eye contact with his patient, “Now. I find this odd considering you are so unwilling to speak during your sessions. Would you like to explain this to me?”

His stare was withering and Alfie felt like a rabbit cornered by the fox, “Um, no I didn’t- I, he just talked about art a little. It wasn’t very long.”

“Alfred, I am glad you are speaking with other members of the staff,” A sickly smile spread across his face, “I just expect you know that you need to cooperate with me first before you start asking others for privileges. Did you not think that I would allow you to go to the art room?”

“Um, no, I didn’t know about it until today, I didn’t mean to-”

“If you had asked me I would have encouraged you to use it. I find it disappointing that you went around me to someone else though.”

“I-”

“As it is, I agree with Dr. Grant. I think it will be good for your treatment. But you will have to be very good to receive this privilege. One issue and I won’t think twice about rescinding it. Will you be good?”

“Um- thank you. Yes... I’ll do my best.” For some reason, he already felt like the consequences would outweigh the reward and a new lump of dread began to form in his throat.

“You’re welcome, Alfred. I just want to see you do well here… And since you’re evidently in such a talkative mood today, I say we should delve into your history with your parents-”

Harris picked up his pen with a click and smiled again at his prey as the blood drained from Alfie. This was going to be a long session...