#thank you for enabling this al OSDJFISDFKMSDFJBSDNFKM

[dallonm-archive]

hi chloe you prob. will never ever guess who this is because i am so stealthy ™ and very um good?? at impersonating not me,,,, anyway!! spare some himbeau content,,, or you will face pain 🔫🙂 [jk jk i love you + if i hurt you then who I'll give me my daily dose of beaulix content]

omg hello mysterious alnon!!!! oops sorry i mean anon haha.....i have NO idea who you are,,,,,,,but i guess i’ll just have to infodump about beau like this is a character intro post and not an anon answer :/// /j lets talk about (him)beau!!!

(please bare in mind he is v new and i am pantsing this novel so this is a lot of uh.....i THINK moments and just where i am w the development also this isnt a character intro post but im treating it like one except no coherency i am INFODUMPING!!!!)

so i still don’t have a very clear image of him in my head but i want to share this because i made the connection that this is how i see lorna, his mother, in my head when she was younger - around the time she would’ve been in the cult. she is such a warm character to me!!

so lorna was one of the first people to leave the cult, in 1968 (playing with the idea of a group of women leaving at the same time), but she also made sure that she had contacts still within the cult, which meant that people who left after her could contact her, essentially starting a chain which meant that there’s now a group of people that have left that stay in contact with one another (if they choose to). this was really important to her because she sees it as reclaiming the idea of community against the awful thing that brought them together in the first place. she is a queen! shes one of the first people felix visits after he leaves which we see in chapter 2, but i’m excited to see how her role develops further than that. 

but onto her son! 

beau was born into the cult on june 29, 1965. he’s a summer baby and this is relevant! because lorna got them out of there when he was so young, he has zero recollection of his time there. i think i want part of his arc to explore how he navigates his emotions with that and how they change because at the start, he feels very detached from it and doesn’t really think about it more than Oh So That’s A Thing and admiring his mom’s strength for getting out of that environment. but i think the more he talks to felix (more on that later :)), the more he’ll understand the weight of everything. 

i think there’s a perception of beau that he’s had a relatively sheltered life, because of the life he has right now, which is far from the case. i think when it comes to the cult itself, there is an element of being sheltered, but that came from lorna protecting him and makes complete sense? but on a general level, he is definitely not sheltered.

we meet him in chapter two, when he’s 20 and currently studying psychology at college. at this point the novel is in felix’s pov (chapter one is in dorothy’s), and he plays a big role in felix’s arc (more on that later :)), and all of this backstory creates a very interesting dynamic between them. i didn’t intend for them to mirror each other, but felix sort of sees beau as a looking glass to the life he could have had and that is quite difficult for him to navigate. he feels this innate connection to him through them being born in the same place (lorna even has a photo of the two when they were toddlers) but at the same time beau is a complete stranger to him otherwise. 

again, he is a new character and i’m pantsing this novel, but i think his arc will explore: queer pride, creating happiness, mental health and the importance of strong relationships

beau is THE sunshine oc. (felix is too but like, it’s hidden shh). he is SO lovely. truly a himbo. he’s super charismatic, loves making friends, very impulsive (or spontaneous, depends on how you look at it), often speaks before he thinks but ultimately has good intentions. he’s also super insightful and really good at emotional support conversations, like he tries really hard to understand what you’re saying the best of his ability - he’s super inspired by his moms loving nature and he wants to help others, but his arc isn’t defined by that. he is also so FUNNY, like i love writing this dude. dream man literally. of course, i want there to be more depth than that, and there definitely is, but this is where we are now and i LOVE him so far

but i have a feeling.....that the alnon wants to hear about him and felix. just a guess! 

(i usually dont do pinterest moodboards but i dont have the energy for unsplash’s algorithm rn but anyway, just look at the VIBES)

i really was like felix’s sexuality has nothing to do with his arc even if i don’t think he’s straight and then these two interacted ONCE and were really like no <3 i was doing a sprint with some people from atlas and their chemistry just Happened its like i didnt even know what was happening then i read back and was like

the snippet that ruined my life:

“Or, I mean, we don’t have to go straight there. Have you visited San Francisco before? I can give you the Beau exclusive tour.”

Felix grins and faces him. “The ‘Beau-exclusive tour?”

“Yeah! It’s the Beau tour because I know the best places in the city, not all the boring tourist places. I mean, they’re cool and all, but the secret places are cooler, you know? And it’s exclusive because you’ll be the first one to have taken it.”

“Then how do you know it’ll be a good tour?”

“Because I know I’d be the best tour guide possible.” Beau leans against the doorframe, grin electric. “You down?”

“Just to see if you’re the best tour guide possible.”

i want to make this clear now and ill be talking about this in the update, but church mud still is not a romance story. it never will be. i was very apprehensive about including this into the story because i feel like adding romance into stories that deal with heavy topics like mental health and trauma is a very delicate process and there are very fine lines on both sides of the portrayal (either having a romantic relationship work out or not). i also really don’t know how felix’s sexuality will play a role because his pov was not really set up for it, but i don’t want to just ignore it now that this is a thing? so we’ll see where that goes, again i’m pantsing this novel lol. essentially, this is a big part of felix’s arc, but its not the centre of it.  the way i see it right now, is that this relationship wont be a straight forward “we become official and we are a couple and that is happy ending at the end of the book”, but these feelings will be explored and talked about out loud. i also want that exploration to be healthy regardless of that, because we love complex love narratives! i just want to be clear about this since the relationship does deal with two queer man and the last thing i want to do is promise something that the book won’t really give. ultimately, even if its not a traditional romance love story, the bottom line is these two will love each other deeply.

but beau and felix....,,,lovingly named beaulix! (thank you rhys for the best ship name)

they have ruined my LIFE in the last day. i am so obsessed with them. like this wasn’t planned the chemistry and connection is just so ??? NATURAL??? 

like i said above, beau loves helping people but that won’t be his arc, and i’m very conscious about that here. like i dont want beau just to exist to help felix (especially with sexuality involved). when i say this is new, i literally figured this out yesterday so i’m just letting it go where it wants to go but PLEASE I AM SO OBSESSED 

these two are so cute like please.....the beau-exclusive tour PLEASE

literally their first scene together is felix opening up about how he feels like people only see him as a broken ex cult member that needs to be fixed, and beau is like “then we won’t talk about that. besides, i want to know about felix.” i’m literally losing my MINDDDDD hes so cute

felix also tutors beau’s little half-brother, byron, in piano, so he’s gonna be at his house a lot 👁️👄👁️ 

im very conscious of this post getting super long and also i want to save some of the beaulix talk for when i write the actual update, so let me end this off with these two snippets because i need y’all to appreciate the parallels here:

“Mine’s June 29th. So, I’m like, a real summer baby. No wonder I love the beach and love San Francisco. I was born for it before I was even there.”

Felix is inclined to agree with that. Summers for Felix were never that special; sometimes it was cool evenings, ice cubes, spending the whole day outside; sometimes it was scorching sun and sweat and heat headaches. San Francisco summers sound more exciting; like beach days, heat haze, drunk afternoons. Beau must be summer, Felix thinks.

then we have:

“Seriously though, do you have a favourite?”

Felix has to think about that one. “I think I like spring,” he says. “I don’t hate when it’s cold, but I always liked when you could feel the air slowly warm up.”

Beau nods. “Spring is cute. You should see the city during the spring when all the flowers bloom – you’ll love it.”

haha get it.....beau is summer.......so we’ve established characters as their favourite seasons.......and then beau......beau says...........

in conclusion, we all love beau........and we love beau and felix......i am SO excited to see where his arc and where their relationship goes