#thankfully a lot of people are eloquently calling them out in the quotes of the tweet so I don't really feel the need to take it over here

[myimaginationplain]

do you ever think about how Katara's portrayal in the Ember Island Players' stage play is an in-universe, textual example of an oppressor state adultifying & sexualizing a racialized girl as a form of pro-colonization propaganda

and then do you ever think about how a third of the fandom also participates in that completely unironically

[blu-riie]

I Feel Like I’ve Been Losing All My Life - A Carry On Fic

Rating: Teen And Up Category: F/F Word Count: 2.1k Summary:“I couldn’t see, everything was blurry. This was when I knew things were going to be way harder to do. so I shoved my hands in front of me and walked blindly, hoping I wouldn’t bump into anything. My hands were no help (they were numb, what did I expect?) and sooner or later, my legs started to spasm. I was fucked.” A/N:  i wrote this for femslash feb but 🤷

Read it on AO3 (There is extra info in the end notes about MS, check it out. I’d like to think it’s pretty helpful.)

--

BAZ

I awoke to the feeling (or not. Because I couldn’t feel it.) of my upper arm being numb and my alarm clock blaring in my ears.

I didn’t care about the alarm clock. I couldn’t move my arms. It was as if someone froze them solid and poked them constantly with millions of needles. It immediately struck me with panic and I had the urge to cry.

I’d felt that feeling one too many times. But it was the end of the week, and I couldn’t skip school, it would arise suspicion and I didn’t want to disappoint Daphne.

I didn’t want to be a disappointment to anyone. Especially Sophie, considering she was probably going to wait for me outside of the school.

I checked my phone for the time, blindly groping for my phone on my side table. I had three messages from Sophie.

Blithering Idiot: baz!!!!!!!!!

Blithering Idiot: its friday!!!!!

Blithering Idiot: ill be waiting for u in school!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I smiled, then replied with:

Me: Youre alwasy there.

Me: Its nothnig nwe.

Begrudgingly, I got out of bed, attempting to pull my self up with numb arms. I tried to walk towards the loo, but I bumped into something every time I turned around.

I couldn’t see, everything was blurry. This was when I knew things were going to be way harder to do. So I shoved my hands in front of me and walked blindly, hoping I wouldn’t bump into anything. My hands were no help (they were numb, what did I expect?) and sooner or later, my legs started to spasm.

I was fucked.

I crawled to the loo, because I was a stubborn git and I was going to go to school and see Sophie if it costed me my life. Though, I doubt it will. I’ve gotten out of this situation way too many times.

Eventually, I had reached the loo. I attempted to stand up, swayed, and pushed my hips against the door to open it. I did my usual routine; brushed my teeth, washed my face, combed my hair, and did my makeup. But I skipped the makeup this time, can’t really do flawless eyeliner if I can’t feel my fingers or see well, can I?

I trudged out of my room clad in my school uniform with my bag hanging off of my shoulder. not my best outfit, but at that point, I didn’t care.

“Morning, love.” Daphne said once I entered the kitchen.

I mumbled unintelligibly and headed towards the pantry, clumsily grabbing a few granola bars to shove inside my bag.

“Is father still here?”

“No, he left about half an hour ago,” Daphne said, heading towards me to ruffle my hair. “You feeling okay?”  

I rubbed at my eyes, “no, not really. I woke up with my arms feeling numb.”

“Aw,” Daphne cooed. she didn’t mention anything about going back to the doctor’s, Daphne’s too sweet for her own good. “Need anything?”

“No. Just- don’t tell father.”

There really wasn’t anything bad about telling father that I woke up feeling like the epitome of death. Except for the fact that my mum died because of this very reason. So my condition and my mum were two topics that must not be talked about in this household.

Because as long as I was under my father’s roof, his rules would be followed. And anytime I gave in, I felt like I was losing.

“Alright,” she patted my head, “best be on your way then, school starts in about ten minutes.”

I groaned internally, but remembered that me and Sophie go to the same school. The prickling sensation in my arm got worse when I was chatting with Daphne, but my legs were a bit better, so I decided to walk.

I reached school in a record time of six minutes.

Because I ran. It wasn’t a very good idea since my legs were still slightly numb and I couldn’t see very well. I walked into the school and was immediately greeted by an enthusiastic Sophie.

“Baz! Love, there you are. What took you so long?”

I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t respond, I just kept walking.

“Baz, don’t ignore me.” She said, frowning.

I was so excited to see Sophie, but now I don’t want her around.

“Baz,” she said firmly, “you made a typo in your message.”

I couldn’t feel my hands, why did I think it was a good idea to text ?

I scoffed, “I’m human. Does making one typo mean it’s the end of the world?”

Sophie growled, “you’re limping . Is this your, what’s it called-”

I didn’t even notice that I was limping. I didn’t notice a lot of things. I couldn’t even recall what I had for breakfast yesterday. I felt like these were symptoms for an attack.

I can’t risk having one at school.

I yawned, “spit it out.”

At this point, I was backed into the wall of the hallway. It was deserted, thankfully, because classes had already started.

“Is it the, uh, numbing thing?”

“I’m amazed at how eloquently you said that, congratulations, you’ve figured me out.”

“Come on ,” Sophie whined, “you’re doing that thing wh-where you become an absolute arsehole.”

I just raised an eyebrow and stared at her eyes. They were so blue , so strikingly blue it hurt my eyes.

But I didn’t want to look away.

I put most of my weight beside me, on the side of a locker and leaned forward to bury my face into Sophie’s neck.

“Baz?”

“Mmph.”

“Love.”

I felt Sophie’s hands travel up my back onto my shoulders and started to rub them. I sighed, it felt like heaven and I was so, so tired. “If you don’t tell me what’s going on, I can’t help.”

“It’s,” I yawned, “I think it’s another attack.”

“But you haven’t had one in-”

“It’s only been a few weeks. I thought too optimistic too soon.”

Sophie’s hands stilled from where there were on my back, soon resuming their movement to move to my hair and play with it. “So, what’s your plan? Why’d you come to school?”

I moved my head from Sophie’s shoulder and snorted, “do you not want me here?”

“No- are you daft?” She pressed a kiss to my nose, “of course I want you here, but I care about your health.”

I didn’t say anything. I stared past her shoulder towards the tiles.

“Baz, it’s okay. I’ll tell Ms Possibelf. Go to Ebb.”

Ebb was our school’s guidance counselor. She was one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, she knew my mother, and for some reason, it was easier to talk about her death to someone who actually knew her. (We would spend hours just crying about her, though I would never tell Sophie about that. she worried to much and I didn’t want to add to it.)

“Why?”

“She- she helps me, so she’ll help you. I’m sure of it. And she makes a really good cuppa.”

I smiled, Sophie always has food on her mind. Even if it isn’t scones.

“Okay.”

She reached out to pat my shoulder, I shot her a confused look, “Look, I- just. I love you, okay?”

I felt blood rush to my cheeks, “oh my god, Sophie.”

“What?”

“I love you too, you absolute nightmare. Now go, class has already started.”

I gave her a playful shove, she laughed and walked away.

Moments like those made me feel a little like I was winning.

I did listen to Sophie’s advice (I’m not that bad of a girlfriend, I swear.) But before I did, I headed to the loo to fix myself up. My hair was a mess, courtesy of Sophie playing with it, and my shirt was untucked. Even though I knew Ebb, I had to look presentable.

I tucked my shirt into my skirt and left my hair as is.

The freeze-like numbing in my arm returned, and I felt a wave of nausea wash over me, immediately reminding me that I had to go to Ebb’s office and I had to go fast .

I headed to Ebb’s office, it was near the back of the school. It was quite dark. The hall had several broken lights which the school wasn’t bothering to fix.

I ran. Again. (Christ, I had to stop running, especially when I couldn’t feel shit in my legs.) And slammed open Ebb’s door. Not my best moment, but I really had no say.

Ebb’s office was painted a soft orange, her desk settle near the left corner. The walls were adorned with multiple Polaroids and quotes, and a small bean bag chair that was stark black against all the soft colours of the room. (Because it was mine. Ebb noticed I would be spending a lot of time here. Sometimes I wondered if the world deserved Ebb. She was amazing, period.)

Ebb, seeming unfazed by my entry, replied with a warm smile,“‘ello, Baz. How can I help ya?” Ebb was sitting on her chair, sipping a cuppa whilst scrolling through something on her computer.

I leaned against the door frame, panting. “I,” I huffed, “I think I’m about to have another attack. Or maybe it’s happening right now. I have no clue.”

“Okay, calm down. Come sit here.” She gestured towards the black bean bag chair. I took her advice and sat down.

“Okay.”

“Did you take your meds?”

I blinked.

Jesus Christ . My mind had been going absolutely bonkers since I woke up and I completely forgot the single most important thing that would help me get through the day.

My fucking medicine.

I had been diagnosed with MS about three years ago, when I was 14. I’d been complaining to Sophie and Ebb and they both said I should go to the doctor. Me, being the stubborn child I was, didn’t listen and insisted that I was in tip-top condition and didn’t need any help.

I did so desperately need help.

But the worst thing was that i had to go through the whole process alone. I wasn’t necessarily alone. I had Ebb and Sophie. But i wanted my mum. And my father wouldn’t even let me talk about my condition.

Through my teenage years, my condition worsened and my doctor recommended medicine, so I took it. Though it did help reduce MS flare-ups, the condition made me lose some feeling in my hand.

Meaning I could not play violin for sophie, like I’d hoped I could. I planned a whole picnic in my imagination, Sophie and I would watch the sunset and I’d play the violin for her.

I cried a lot when I’d found out.

So, in short, to not make father angry, I hid my condition, (which I shouldn’t have to. It’s perfectly normal to have it.) hid my medicine, hid the fact that I can no longer feel some of my hand, and the fact that I can no longer play the violin.

I wrote it down on paper, made myself memorize it, and repeated the mantra in my head over and over again. Fiona’d thought I’d gone insane. She wasn’t wrong.

“No.”

“Baz, I thought we’d gone over this,” Ebb frowned.

“No- no no no. Don’t worry, I’m not doing this on purpose, I swear.” I said, shaking my hands in front of her face to emphasize my point.

A year ago, Sophie had found me pissed on the streets and I’d dumped my heart out. I’d spilled multiple things that I normally wouldn’t have said if I was sober. And one of the things was that I wasn’t taking my meds because “ what’s the point? I’m gonna die anyways. Might as well go down like my mother, I suppose.”

It was mortifying. I vowed to never drink again.

“I’ve been having memory problems, which, you know, are one of the symptoms.”

“Have you been stressed lately?”

“What- I mean yeah, it’s exam season, what do you expect? I’m not going around frolicking in a field of flowers with a bouquet of fucking daisies in my hand.”

Ebb sipped her tea thoughtfully, “y’know, I could really do without your sarcasm right now, love.”

I groaned, annoyed. “Did you make any tea for me? Watching you drink really has me craving for some.”

Ebb smiled, “I thought you’d never ask.”

“Scones?”

Ebb just winked.

[wolfpawn]

Once Bitten, Twice Shy Chapter 10

Previous Chapter

Chapter Summary -  Tom and Paige go to aunt Geraldine's party together and Tom realises more and more how much he enjoys her company.

Tag, @wolfsmom1 @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer   @standing-onthe-edge

anyone else who wishes to be added to the tags, just ask :)

Paige sat beside Tom at the table feeling incredibly out of place.

She was at the family get together that Diana and Sarah had badgered her into going to for aunt Geraldine. She had been introduced to a lot of Tom’s family who all seemed like lovely people in their own ways for the most part and who seemed to think her nice also, not that it actually mattered.

Beside her, Tom felt incredibly guilty. Part of him hated this arrangement, the other part hated how much he liked it. Paige was, by far, the best female company he had experienced outside of a work setting in a very long time. She seemed to almost be treating it as a chance to enjoy speaking to him and getting to know him. They loved a lot of the same things and everything she was not knowledgeable in, she asked him considerable amounts of questions on said topics, listening intently as he explained tennis and other such matters, committing the information to memory as she did so. He didn’t want to cease being in the company of this woman, she was fun and intelligent and time never lagged in her company, but behind it all, he knew she was a tad lost also. “I’m sorry for my Uncle George.” He stated when they were sitting alone.

“How in the name of fuck is a man that rude related to your mother? She’s like, the nicest sort of person and he is a total ass-hat.”

“Every family has its black sheep.” Tom shrugged. He had asked his mother that question as a youth and that had been her response. “Don’t mind him.”

“Your family are lovely people, Tom. You are very lucky.”

“We were always close, thankfully, my Mum always spent summers with her siblings when we were growing up so we were able to grow up together with our cousins.”

“You’re lucky. Dad never got on well with his brother. Terry didn’t have Dad’s work ethic and then thought it only fair for Dad to give him a big job in the company when he made it. It brought a lot of animosity into the family, so we never got this.” She smiled politely as Sarah looked over at them.

“Thank you, for this. For everything.” Tom waved over at his sister as well. “I know you agreed to this too but I still feel you are getting the worse end of the bargain.”

“I am still wondering why I agreed to it if I’m honest. I don’t need money, I don’t want fame…”

“So why do it?” Tom asked curiously.

Paige looked at him for a moment before answering. “I am not sure. Do you ever get sick of people making comments about your love life, how your choices are something of comment to them?”

“Very much so, yes.”

“I guess part of me wanted a break from that, another part of me just likes having a similar mind to converse with.” Tom glanced at her. “It is the utmost pleasure to speak with you, Tom. You are the greatest of company.”

“Ms Winters, I can honestly say that the feeling is mutual. I have not enjoyed myself so much at a family event in so long as I can remember.” He brought her hand to his lips and gently pressed it to them.

For a moment, Paige forgot this was a charade, that Tom was merely acting so to convince his family he was a man in love, not one in a false relationship simply because it benefitted the show he was in. She supposed the reason Derek had never been inclined to do such things was because it was a fairytale romance, real relationships were not as romantic. She simply smiled and tried to play the part back.

*

“I never spoke to you regarding that radio interview you did.” Paige studied Tom’s face, having truly thought he would not be overly interested in such a thing. “You quoted me, and took a few questions that were less than appropriate that I feel I should apologise for.”

“What, no. You never did anything to warrant apologising to me for. She asked those inappropriate questions, not you.”

“I’m the reason why she asked them.” Tom drove them back to the hotel they would be staying in for the weekend for the party. They took a double room so as not to arouse suspicion. Thankfully, there were two large beds in the room for them to use, so to not allow for too many odd situations. “Regarding Taylor…” His head fell in shame. “I don’t know why I did it if I’m honest. She stated she and Harris broke off a few weeks prior, we got talking and she was a lovely and flirtatious woman and, dare I say it, I felt wanted and attractive because of her, she has an allure and I fell for it. I thought, maybe, just maybe I was worth that...but I just made an utter fool of myself, and to add salt to the wound, I said nothing nasty, I was respectful, and I get made into nothing more than a song and a way to sell t-shirts.” His hands twisted on the steering wheel, turning them white. “I made such a fucking fool of myself. I have not been able to put myself out there since and honestly, I don’t know when or how I will get back to doing that. I am not ready to yet and this...thing we are doing...Do you know how you said earlier about it being a break from the comments and questions?” Paige nodded silently. “It is the buffer from all of that for me too. The only issue is...I…” He ceased what he was about to say. How she was everything he was looking for but hadn’t been able to find before. How she was incredible, intelligent, fun, funny, alluring, eloquent and everything he could want, but that he was too messed up from his busy lifestyle to know how to deal with it. He said nothing about that and instead forced a small smile onto his face instead, “I find you the greatest company, I fear I will have to contemplate Oxford women from now on.”

Paige, who had no idea of his previously thought statement, and who thought his trepidation was based solely on trying to get her to react to his comment, laughed. “You prick.” She slapped his arm playfully. “It’s a good thing you’re good looking, Mr Hiddleston, or you’d get no one to endure you otherwise.”

“You think I am good looking?”

“Well, I don’t go to bed with people who look like utter rubbish bag contents. Derek was a lot of terrible things, bad looking was not one of them.” She sighed. “I thought I was lucky a good looking guy to pay attention to me...I paid for that.”

“So that’s another of your rules now, help no one, avoid good looking men?” Tom guessed.

“The old mantra ‘if it’s too good to be true, it probably is’ is very much alive and well.”

“You think good looking men being interested in you is ‘too good to be true’?”

“I have little reason to believe anything to the contrary.”

Tom wanted to rubbish her statement regarding holding onto past experiences, but he knew it was a tad hypocritical of him to do so. He knew he was similar, though, in many ways, they were different. He just needed the right sort of woman, she needed to avoid a particular type of man, appearance irrelevant. “Not all good looking men are wankers.”

“Not all women are money-obsessed cunts either.” She countered. “I was always curious as to why you were single.” Tom’s brow furrowed. “Sophie spoke about this incredible man, one of her husband’s closest friends, kind, caring, a gentleman, with plans to show his kids The Jungle Book, who treated every woman around him with respect and her always saying he was single and how it was a shame. And of course, I have met you in passing before, and I always felt that she was right, you were lovely, but you not being with someone did startle me somewhat, after all, there is no way someone that nice is single, you surely would have a queue around the neighbourhood of women who would give their left arm for you, but it makes sense, considering.” Tom didn’t know how to respond to that. “Funny, how you do nothing wrong other than give yourself over to someone and yet you are the one fucked up and punished for it after.”

*

As Tom readied for bed that night at the hotel, he contemplated what Paige had said and realised there was a lot of truth to it. They did nothing wrong in their respective relationships, they had been the ones to do the work, yet they were the ones left scarred by it all and it wasn’t fair. He thought about what he felt constituted a good foundation for a relationship and realised the similarity of interests, compatibility of character and contentment of self were very much staples in his view, and when he thought of them, he thought of only one person with them.

When he opened the door to the bedroom from the bathroom, he looked at Paige on her bed, glasses on her nose, her book in her hand. He thought of her comments regarding Pride and Prejudice on the show she had been on, her analysis of the piece was so much more than the romance of it, but the historical significance also. She read more than the words, she read their meaning. She was incredible...if only he had the balls to do something regarding it.

After a moment or so of him staring at her, she glanced up at him from her book. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes…” He cleared his throat. “Yes, I was just thinking. What is that book about?”

She smiled slightly and looked at the front cover. “Haven’t you heard of it?”

“I have seen it is doing well and that it is supposed to be good but I have not had a chance to look too much into it.”

“I love it. I love questioning us as a species and his thoughts are so interesting. I honestly love to read this sort of thing. It’s just a historian’s analysis of our species over the last 2.5 million years, it goes into so much detail about the different branches of the homo species, our development of mind and knowledge, everything. You really need to read it.” She extended it out to him.

Tom took it and read the back cover. “It does look interesting.”

“Read it, I swear, you will not regret it.”

“If it is about all humans, why is it called Sapiens, that is just one branch?”

“There is no Sapiens without the other humans that so very much, through evolution, breeding and even competition, created our branch of humans.” She explained excitedly.

Tom had to remind himself that this was not a real relationship, where, away from people, he could not kiss her and show her in a sexual manner how alluring and attractive her intelligence and love of learning were. He wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but instead, he forced himself to remain still and simply appreciate what he could of her as she went through a synopsis of the book with him.

[thisdanobrien]

I Had Some Thoughts About the Tony Awards

Here’s a thing you might not know about me: I can’t honestly remember the last time I haven’t watched the Tony Awards. I know it’s not for everyone, but I love it and it’s my very favorite awards ceremony. The social media era usually makes watching the Tony’s tough, because almost every single year the Tony’s are scheduled the same night as a crucial NBA Finals game, and both are equally important to me (I’m a very specific kind of person). I usually TiVo one while watching the other and avoiding social media entirely. This year, thankfully, Kevin Durant, J.R. Smith and the Warriors wrapped up their series in four and I didn’t have this problem.

You might not have watched the Tony’s, which is fine, but you most likely know about the thing that happened that made and continues to make headlines: Robert De Niro said “Fuck Trump,” twice. Do we have a clip?

[We DO]

Lots of people are saying lots of things about this. There’s the typical, disingenuous articles from the right, where they holler and clutch their pearls at such profanity (while hypocritically either justifying or wholesale ignoring similar bouts of profanity from the president/members of his administration). You’ve also got a lot of people on the left complaining too. This comes from an OpEd from Frank Bruni:

“When you answer name-calling with name-calling and tantrums with tantrums, you’re not resisting him. You’re mirroring him. You’re not diminishing him. You’re demeaning yourselves.”

It’s a variation of the “when they go low, we go high” refrain that the left wants to claim as its identity in an ideal world where things are equal and people behave normally. (And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.)

There are still different people on the left who look at OpEds like that and retweet them with comments similar or identical to “If you think it was inappropriate for De Niro to say ‘Fuck Trump,’ well then guess what? FUCK YOU.”

These are people who are as frustrated as they are passionate, and maybe they’re jaded by the lack of success they’ve experienced in the Higher Ground strategy. Maybe they think the “they go low, we go high” thing would only work under normal circumstances, and the circumstances aren’t normal so we need to adjust. Or maybe they don’t think any of that, and they just enjoy the catharsis of saying, hearing or watching a famous movie badass say “Fuck Trump” to the sound of near-unanimous applause. (And I suppose I’m pretty fine with those people too?)

But, I guess, here’s my thing. The Tony’s was already a “Fuck Trump.” It was tough and loud and somehow still elegant and understated but most definitely a “Fuck Trump.” Let’s talk about a lot of things (but really only just one thing).

Back in January, President Trump was quoted asking “Where’s my Roy Cohn?” It was a rhetorical question, obviously, because Roy Cohn is quite dead, but what the president likely meant was “Where’s the guy who is going to make my problems disappear while making me look good and clean in the process?” The president was in trouble, and in the past, Roy Cohn was the guy who made the trouble go away. He also saw Roy as a mentor, and you can see how much Donald Trump appreciates Cohn by the way he handles himself, in that brash, throwback-tough-guy, New Yorker sort of way.

A bit about Roy.

Roy Cohn was an attorney who among other things was the personal attorney/fixer for Donald Trump during his early business days. Here are some of those “other things” he did:

-Worked closely with McCarthy during the Red Scare, a bizarre quest to find and remove people they believed to be secret communists in Hollywood and Washington DC (a smokescreen to advance their own agenda through threats and intimidation, capitalizing on the nationalist, anti-communist spirit in America at the time). -Worked as hard as he could to get the death penalty for Julius and Ethel Rosenberg (it is largely the consensus of historians and legal experts that Julius and Ethel were “guilty AND framed,” and certainly did not deserve the death penalty). -The Lavender Scare. It’s very similar to the Red Scare, it just didn’t get nearly the same amount of coverage (even though it harmed way more people). It involved Cohn and McCarthy successfully pushing for the mass firings of government officials suspected of being gay. Smear campaigns, intimidation, threats, etc. Fire the gay people, and threaten to “out” and ruin anyone who got in your way.

That’s Roy Cohn. That’s Donald Trump’s mentor. And so, in January, during whatever scandal the president happened to be going through at the time, President Trump asked “Where’s my Roy Cohn?”

This year, the Tony’s had an answer. The proudly out Nathan Lane who plays Roy Cohn in Angels in America, welcomed his Tony win by kissing his husband and closed his acceptance speech by tearfully thanking him as his “greatest blessing.”

A bit about Nathan.

It’s been a strange road for Nathan Lane. At 21 when he told his mother he was gay, she said “I’d rather you were dead.” He wasn’t necessarily in the closet, but he dodged questions about his sexuality for years and didn’t publicly come out until 1998 following the murder of Matthew Shepherd (a young, gay man who was tortured and beaten to death in Laramie). A mother says “I’d rather you were dead.” Then you spend years hiding yourself from the world. Then a 21-year-old gets murdered for being gay. Then you come out. Fast forward, you kiss your husband before accepting the Tony Award for Best Actor for your portrayal of Roy Fucking Cohn. Strange road.

Do you know what a “Fuck you” to Donald Trump looks like? It’s out-and-proud Nathan Fucking Lane winning a fucking Tony Award for playing Roy Fucking Cohn in Tony Fucking Kushner’s Angels in A-Fucking-Merica.

When you’ve got a Vice President who thinks you can electrocute gay people into straightness, a gay man playing Roy Cohn (Roy Fucking Cohn!) and getting a fucking award for it is a massive and eloquent “Fuck you.”

(Also, student survivors of the Parkland shooting came out to sing “Seasons of [Fucking] Love” from fucking Rent [super gay] in the middle of the show. De Niro’s “Fuck Trump” was not just the ugliest condemnation of the administration, i t was also the tamest.)

I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing this. I don’t actually think it matters that Robert De Niro said “Fuck Trump” at the Tony’s, by which I mean, I don’t think any Trump voters who were watching the Tony’s (lol) watched De Niro say “Fuck Trump” and realized “Hey, he’s got a point! I’m gonna vote for the Democrat next time!” in the same way that I don’t think any Democrats or lefties who watched De Niro say “Fuck Trump” would then decide “Oh, that’s so vile and vulgar; that’s it, I’m voting for Trump next time.”

I guess I think of the existence of the Tony’s at all in a time like this as a political statement. We’re living in a pretty scary time right now, and instead of retreating or hiding, a bunch of insanely talented and bizarrely underpaid people put on Once on This Island, The Band’s Visit, Angels in America and Children of a Lesser God and Three Tall Women and many others, eight fucking times a week and last Sunday they got to celebrate and perform for each other. It’s all a statement, and the statement was already “Fuck Trump.” I don’t think Robert De Niro took away from that, but I absolutely can’t fathom what he thought he was adding.

Anyways. Watch the Tony’s, support theater, be kinder to everyone around you and have a good day.

[winterheart17]

Saiansha just shot me in the heart

I’m going to put a Read More break so as not to clog up anyone’s feed but @saiansha , I cannot stop re-reading or tearing over this beautiful love letter you’ve written to You Had Me At Loki. Seriously. Thank you. 

Sorry, it's me again. I read "You Had Me At Loki". You owe me a couple of painkillers, a few nights worth of sleep and a couple of glasses of water. The painkillers are for the headache I had from all that angst and emotion, the sleep for all those nights/mornings I stayed up till 4 just to finish the chapter/begin a new one and the water for all the times I had to calm myself down and rehydrate myself after all the dehydration from crying. I tried to remind myself countless times that this is just a story and that you, thankfully, are not an orphan and have been brought up with a lot of love, so calm the heck down and stop behaving as if it’s your heart being torn asunder here. This is Arwynn, and she may look like you and this story is written in first person, but for the sake of your sanity, stop wondering if this is what you would be like if you were in her circumstances.

You know, I open a story and mutter a prayer, “Please let me be gifted with a strong female protagonist.” And when I say ‘strong’, I do not mean a woman who is necessarily mouthy and bold with a razor-sharp wit and intelligence. Those are nice traits to have, of course, but I look more for women who know their mind, who know when to say “enough”, who respect and love themselves before others and who call out the men on their bullshit. And when I see that a story does not have such a woman, who over the course of the story learns how deep this inner strength is, I feel disappointed.

In that sense, Arwynn disappointed me at first, because she was a woman who defined herself solely with respect to Loki. And I understood that that is obviously because in a life where all you receive is apathy and disregard at best and spite and contempt at worst, even the smallest smile and simplest act of kindness warms you the way no fire can ever. And when you have nothing else to go on for, nothing else to dream about, then you become determined to follow that kindness and hope and love to wherever it takes you. But understanding is not quite the same as realising something for yourself, I feel. As the story went on, I realised that I am looking at this wrong. This is not a story about a strong woman who realises her strength. This is a story about a woman who becomes strong. One of my favourite quotes is from Doctor Who and it is as follows: great men are forged in fire; it is the privilege of lesser men to light the flame.

And this is exactly what happened … in this story – the likes of Odin and Lorelei and yes, even Loki for the bigger part of this story lit this flame and out emerged an Arwynn who found herself and understood that love was not just about loving someone without any heed or regard for anything else, but also loving someone even after they’ve hurt you but at the same time, loving yourself as well. Love was about knowing when to stay and when to go and when to come back. And Loki. Oh god, Loki. It hurts... Your Loki is so true to himself, so accurate that it hurts.

When I read fanfiction, I seek out a Loki who is at relative ease, who has scars but not open wounds, or is at least willing to let someone dress and soothe those wounds. A Loki who is definitely not free of anguish and rage and doubt but can still afford to be playful, mischievous, charming and sensual. Because hey, it’s fanfiction, and this Loki is easy to read and love and brings a smile to my lips and a series of “awww”’s out of my mouth. But your Loki was so hard to read, so hard to like and downright impossible to love most times. And that is exactly how he should be. Maybe I’ve become soft after reading all those easy-going Lokis. Or maybe I never had Arwynn’s devotion or strength. Or maybe I’m too invested in your story. But this Loki, the one who is so hard to like, is the one I loved reading. I am honestly tired of “dark” Loki being interpreted as some hypersexual rapey guy who picks up scared, unwilling women off the streets and dumps them in some sort of a harem. Your Loki is what is truly “dark!Loki” – Loki whose possessiveness at first comes not from love but from his insecurity and the need to stake his claim, Loki who is willing to cruelly hurt other people because he is worried that they will hurt him first. Loki, who as Frigga says (bless that woman honestly, just bless her) is so perceptive about everyone but himself. And I think truly that that is what Loki’s darkness about – not knowing, and worse, not willing to know, and confront his own self.

And honestly, your fic is making me ask questions that I really shouldn’t waste my time asking. If in some goddamn crazy occurrence were I to meet Loki, would I ever be able to love him? Would I ever be able to allow myself to love him? Am I too rigid and unyielding to love him? Will I have the strength and the humility to keep putting myself out there, knowing that I will have to do this for a very long time.

Sorry, Tumblr stopped me from sending any more asks) …because no one else has for this man’s entire 1000 years of existence? And most importantly, will I ever want to have this kind of love, humility, patience and strength for anyone? Because I think until you fall in love for real, you are always more in love with the idea of being in love. And I think I am too proud and shut off myself to allow someone to call me theirs without being able to call them mine from the onset.

 And this, then, is why I love Arwynn even more, because although I can’t emulate her, she has still taught and shown me so much. Heck, I think she can teach the “Little Writer” too a lot about love and Loki. Now that would be a crossover worth reading. Urgh, I am so sorry for all these ramblings but honestly, your fics have just done that to me. They have made me feel and ask myself all these questions shamelessly, and perhaps more openly and explicitly. I think it’s best for both our sakes – your time and patience and my sanity – if you don’t write any more long stories. You won’t hear any complaints from me if you do, just an askbox brimming with feelings.

Before I conclude (about time, really), allow me to give Lady Katja an honourary mention. She is a non-toxic version of Severus Snape and I was so, so thrilled when you mentioned that she didn’t just love Eir, she was in love with Eir. I am the first one to insist that not all love needs to be romantic, but I also don’t like when people incorporate so much passion and vehemence and anger and frustration (especially in same-sex relations) only to pass it off as platonic love. Platonic love is no doubt strong and shouldn’t be underestimated, but it will never inspire the sheer fury behind the words that Katja uttered, so thank you for that. And thank you for this fic. I really do hope you write more Loki fics =)  

First of all, please allow me to apologise for taking so long to get back to this amazing piece of… I can’t even bear myself to call it feedback because of how beautiful, eloquent, and thought-provoking it is. Plus, I need to pinch myself at how it’s 1,287 words long! It’s been a long, loooonnnng month and I’m just about recovering from a bout of fever and flu.

Okay, here goes: woman, your piece brought tears to my eyes. Tears! I remember reading and re-reading your words over and over again – hardly able to believe that a story of mine could invoke such strong emotions and the ability to push someone over the edge in such a manner. I can’t tell you enough how grateful I am that you stumbled upon my account and stories because you have been nothing but a ray of light and blessing in my inbox. You remind me all that I love about writing and why I even started in the first place. Not because of the beautiful comments and heartwrenching feedback I get (although those are always welcome and appreciated), but because I always feel that with each piece I put out in the world, I’m putting a piece of my heart and soul out there – light that I hope each reader will find at the end of their very own dark tunnel as they follow my characters’ story. It’s why I like to write complex characters with the central focus being on their emotions and how they evolve. I think as human beings, we don’t spend nearly enough time getting in touch with how we truly feel – preferring to shove things beneath a rug because it’s safer and it feels more comfortable. And I’d like to think of my stories being forged with the intention of being the proverbial bandaid that is ripped off to let sunlight flood all the dark and dusty corners most steer clear of.

Growing up, I’d always been fascinated by love and if you were to ask any of my highschool friends, I’d perhaps been more obsessed with the idea of it than as you put it, truly being in love. I wanted the pain, the sacrifice, the tears, and the heartbreak – I believed that nights spent sobbing into my pillow would amount to something. I believed that love would and could conquer all. Fast forward to college and after 5 years spent crushing on a guy whom I’d barely even had a decent conversation with (I was in love with the idea of him and projecting what I thought should be love onto him) – I met my first love. That was the first time I tore myself open and handed my heart and everything I had on a platter to him. Think: Arwynn at the beginning of YHMAL. We never did end up together (though he’d tell me I was one of the most important people in his life and that had been enough for me) – he got back with his and threw away our friendship by ghosting me completely.

But when I wrote YHMAL, I wasn’t in love. It had been about 3 years since that last devastating heartbreak and I had pulled myself together (I still had to see him around university though as he attended the same one I did). Still, my fascination with love continued and what saddened me tremendously was hearing how my friends approached their relationships and their views on love. My thoughts on love were labeled as ideal while I was frustrated at how the whole world seemed to be so jaded and cynical. Don’t get me wrong – as beautiful and whimsical as Disney fairytale endings are, I don’t have rose tinted glasses on. I may not believe in the thousand roses and fireworks in the background dream – but I believe in how enduring love can be. And that was when I just knew I had to write a story about that. About how love can conquer all – and I don’t mean it in a sappy, cliché sorta way. And by conquer, I don’t just mean two star-crossed lovers getting together, but by overcoming inner demons and growing as individuals as well. It was my way of saying and putting it out in the universe: “Listen, I may not have gone through it and it may never come for me, but I believe that somewhere out there, true love exists. And if this story can give someone the same hope I have, so be it.”

I feel that a lot of myself went into Arwynn at the beginning – all my hopes, dreams, wants, desires, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. I wanted the buildup, I wanted the sensuality tied in with the emotions so that when the heartbreaking scenes happened, it would hurt twice as much. I wanted to showcase Arwynn’s tenacity and how even if the rest of the world called her stupid and weak, she’d hold on tight. Because that too, in some form or another, is her strength. That determination and unwavering devotion.

I’d always had that ending in my head. A strange fact about all my stories – I always have the ending first before I develop the main plot and start of it. And while I’d always meant to write her growing stronger and realising that there was strength too in knowing when to walk away and when to prioritise yourself first – something else happened in my real life. I became deeply involved with someone who wanted nothing more than a fling. I’d never been with a guy and at the age of 23, he was my first kiss. With him, it was everything I’d envisioned a passionate relationship to be. I’m sure you can tell by now that I’m the sort of person who cannot separate emotions and sex. We never did go all the way – but our physical chemistry burned bright enough that when he realised I was looking for something deeper, he pulled out and I was the only one left torched. I was so badly affected by it, I had to go on a hiatus with this story. It wasn’t love – this much I knew. But I knew it could have been. Given time. Given effort on his part. It was difficult and painful to write a story about love when all I wanted to do was run from it. It was damn near impossible to write Loki when so many aspects of that character reminded me of the one guy who had reduced me to nothing but a hot mess on the floor – figuratively and literally (fun fact: his name is also Tom, so, double whammy!).

But I’m thankful for that experience. I’m thankful for how it’s made me grown and made me realise all the things I wanted and didn’t want in a partner and relationship. It taught me to never settle for less and that I should never again shortchange myself for someone who would never prioritise me. Suddenly, it became more imperative than ever that Arwynn carved her own path. That she realised that sometimes, letting go doesn’t mean giving up – it just means you’ve realised throughout it all, you’d forgotten the one person who should matter the most: yourself. I wanted a character who refused to be jaded and cynical about love, but also had grown enough to realise that it was okay to love yourself. And that loving yourself is often hard (especially if it means giving up something or someone you’ve loved for so long) but oh-so-necessary. And bless my friend who throughout it all, once told me: “Promise me, Li-Wei. No matter how heartbroken you’ll get, never stop reading your romance novels.” So, while I’ve always had that vision in my head, I believe I could have never written it in such depth or with such temerity had I not gone through that rough patch.

In a way, it almost saddens me and perhaps that’s why I’m so protective over this story. I’m not sure if I could ever produce such a piece like that again simply because my head and heart space are no longer the same.  I’ve grown – and it’s a good thing – but sometimes, I do miss the girl I was when I was writing this piece. I also felt I was more in tune than ever with Loki (again, your thoughts on my dark!Loki brought tears in my eyes) – those motives as you’ve so eloquently put, are exactly what I’ve always envisioned his to be. He’s like a wounded animal – lashing out to hurt others before they can hurt him when all he really wants is genuineness and kind love.

It was difficult to write some parts – truly. Especially how he reacted when the book was initially burned. It was a hard decision to make because I knew in doing so, it would have pushed past a boundary. When it comes to “asshole” characters in books, I always have these visual boundaries. They can be snappy and snarky, but once they overstep that boundary – that’s it for me. I can’t bear to read on. So, it was interesting for myself to try to pick up the pieces and for me to make sure in a way, he redeemed himself. I needed him to stay true to character and I believe he would have reacted so initially and I needed a cutting point for Arwynn to realise that sometimes, what you put in (all her devotion to him), isn’t necessarily what you’ll get back. That was the first time it really sank in for her.

All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you. Truly. I can’t even tell you what a joy it has been to read your masterpiece on YHMAL. I actually can’t wait to wrap up my How To Love A Writer series because I want to get back on track with my other Tom series which needs rewriting. That one is going to be emotionally draining as it navigates various aspects of what it means to be married. Other than that, I do have another idea for a Loki fic planted in my head but only after said Tom fic is completed. But till then, I will forever carry with me the lines: “As the story went on, I realised that I am looking at this wrong. This is not a story about a strong woman who realises her strength. This is a story about a woman who becomes strong.” And for them, I can never thank you enough. 

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Barking Commands At A Self-Driving Car Won’t Do You Any Good

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Barking Commands At A Self-Driving Car Won’t Do You Any Good

Verbal commands can save lives, including for self-driving cars.

The powerful impact of the spoken word.

I was in a local park the other day and someone had let their dog off its leash, allowing the frisky pooch a chance to run around wildly and relish its newfound freedom. At one point, I saw that the canine was about to dart wantonly into the street where cars were zipping along, so I yelled out to the dog and called for it to come back towards the trees and grassy area. Thankfully, the pooch heard me and scooted away from the dangers of the busy byway.

Later that same day, I was walking along on the sidewalk in my neighborhood and saw up ahead a car that was backing out of a driveway. Meanwhile, seemingly unbeknownst to the driver, a child was riding a tricycle down the sidewalk and was inevitably going to end-up directly behind the car, for which I doubted that the driver would realize, and thus there was an imminent and painful encounter about to occur. The driver’s window was slightly rolled down, so I yelled out to come to a stop, and the driver did so. Thankfully, no one was hurt, and the youngster continued peddling unabated.

What do these two incidents have in common?

Sometimes the barking out of a verbal command can make a difference, a big difference, including the possibility of choosing between life and death.

Both of the incidents became non-incidents in the sense that nobody got hurt and the world kept revolving without anyone getting injured or killed. Since these non-incidents did not produce fatalities or severities, they pretty much would be considered mundane and unworthy of any news media attention. No one would ever know that the yelling out of a type of command or instruction had saved a child and likewise saved someone’s beloved pooch. Just an ordinary activity that had extraordinary and joyful outcomes.

There are some noteworthy characteristics underlying these verbal commands.

First, the command or instruction had to be short and sweet, quickly getting to the point and being abundantly clear cut as to the meaning of what was spoken. This was not the time or place to provide a lengthy soliloquy or quote eloquently from Shakespeare.

The verbalization had to be done with a semblance of strength and conviction. Doing so allows the receiver of the oral indication to realize, nearly immediately, something of great importance that requires their rapt attention. Furthermore, the vocalizing has to be directed towards the subject or target, otherwise, the intended receiver might not sense that the words are aimed at them. Imagine that if I had yelled straight up into the air the resulting confusion on the part of the receivers. They would not likely have realized that my messaging was specifically for them.

An act of this kind also tends to occur in a real-time situation whereby there can be little or no delay. If I had waited to yell out my commands there was a heightened chance that the driver would not have stopped in time, and similarly, an increased chance that the dog would have entered into the street and been in the midst of grave danger.

All told, the verbalization has to happen at the right time, in the right place, aimed at the right receiver, worded in the right way, spoken in a loud and commanding tone, and proffer a succinct and actionable warning or recommended action that will prevent a pending and looming disaster from occurring.

Wow, that’s a lot of stuff jammed into a brief moment of time and without any room for error or delay. And yet it seems likely that this kind of activity happens all the time, all around us, and we do not particularly give it much notice or credit. Sure, from time to time there are stories about someone that heroically saved a life by a verbalized command, but by-and-large this is an unheralded act and one that goes on daily without fanfare or limelight.

The other side of the equation about uttering such verbal commands is that the targeted receiver has to be receptive to the utterance.

Consider the instance of the driver backing up his car. Had his driver’s side window not been partially open, I doubt that he would have heard my exhortation. Most cars these days have car interiors so well-built that any noise from outside of the vehicle is essentially muted. The odds are that my yelling would have been entirely rebuffed by modern-day soundproofing. I shudder to think of what would have taken place and how chilling it would be to know that my attempts to avert calamity were for not.

Of course, the receiver of the verbalization has to also be willing to listen and react to what has been stated. The driver of the car could have completely ignored my command to stop the vehicle. He might have thought that I was referring to someone else and opted to ignore what I was saying. Or, he might have heard me and understood my instruction, yet mentally calculated that stopping is perhaps not what he should do.

Believe it or not, there have been circumstances wherein someone was told to stop, and instead they slammed their foot onto the accelerator rather than the brake pedal. This use of the accelerator might be completely unintentional and was a mistaken reaction of missing the brakes and inadvertently landing on the gas pedal. Another possibility is that the driver gets scared at someone yelling stop, perhaps worried that they are going to get robbed or mugged, and deliberately decided to use the throttle to rocket away from the predicament.

Speaking of drivers, consider the future of cars and what will occur as self-driving cars gradually become prevalent on our roadways. For true self-driving cars, there is no need for a human driver. If you’ve ever seen pictures or videos of true self-driving cars, it is somewhat eerie since there isn’t anyone in the driver’s seat.

This brings up an interesting question: How will the advent of AI-based true self-driving cars impact the ability to bark out commands at a car in hopes of forewarning or advising a driving action in real-time?

Let’s unpack the matter and see.

Understanding The Levels Of Self-Driving Cars

As a clarification, true self-driving cars are ones that the AI drives the car entirely on its own and there isn’t any human assistance during the driving task.

These driverless vehicles are considered a Level 4 and Level 5 (see my explanation at this link here), while a car that requires a human driver to co-share the driving effort is usually considered at a Level 2 or Level 3. The cars that co-share the driving task are described as being semi-autonomous, and typically contain a variety of automated add-on’s that are referred to as ADAS (Advanced Driver-Assistance Systems).

There is not yet a true self-driving car at Level 5, which we don’t yet even know if this will be possible to achieve, and nor how long it will take to get there.

Meanwhile, the Level 4 efforts are gradually trying to get some traction by undergoing very narrow and selective public roadway trials, though there is controversy over whether this testing should be allowed per se (we are all life-or-death guinea pigs in an experiment taking place on our highways and byways, some contend, see my coverage at this link here).

Since semi-autonomous cars require a human driver, the adoption of those types of cars won’t be markedly different than driving conventional vehicles, so there’s not much new per se to cover about them on this topic (though, as you’ll see in a moment, the points next made are generally applicable).

For semi-autonomous cars, it is important that the public needs to be forewarned about a disturbing aspect that’s been arising lately, namely that despite those human drivers that keep posting videos of themselves falling asleep at the wheel of a Level 2 or Level 3 car, we all need to avoid being misled into believing that the driver can take away their attention from the driving task while driving a semi-autonomous car.

You are the responsible party for the driving actions of the vehicle, regardless of how much automation might be tossed into a Level 2 or Level 3.

Self-Driving Cars And Spoken Exhortations

For Level 4 and Level 5 true self-driving vehicles, there won’t be a human driver involved in the driving task.

All occupants will be passengers.

The AI is doing the driving.

Some people seem to believe that the AI is omniscient and able to drive a car in a miraculous manner, including being able to always avoid car crashes and avert the striking of pedestrians. Perhaps this false impression about the AI is due to science fiction movies or possibly due to self-driving proponents that either exaggerate things or outright misstate what the AI can do.

In any case, please be aware that today’s AI is not sentient, it lacks entirely any semblance of common-sense reasoning and otherwise is arguably closer to a monkey-see-monkey-do than it is to the full gamut of human level of intelligence. Also, it is crucial that we prevent the misleading portrayal of AI as though it does have human qualities, which can lead to a lot of confusion and adverse consequences, so all in all let’s stop anthropomorphizing the existing spate of AI.

The point herein is that you cannot expect the AI of a self-driving car to always avoid running into someone or something. I’ve repeatedly stated in my columns that the notion of zero fatalities due to self-driving cars is malarkey and has a zero chance of happening. There will still be car crashes and sadly deaths and injuries, though the hope and expectation are that it will be a lot less than the existent annual 40,000 fatalities and some 2.3 million injuries in the United States alone from car accidents (see my indication about the major driving statistics at this link here).

This emphasizes that there is still room for the use of spoken commands to alert a driver when a pending endangerment is about to happen.

Were somehow magically the AI to on its own always and perfectly be able to avoid any car collisions, presumably the providing of any external warnings would not be warranted. I’m saying and declaring that those external commands are still going to be valuable and that we should not delude ourselves into thinking that the AI is all-knowing.

Recall that earlier I had mentioned that the receiver of the verbal commands has to be receptive to hearing the spoken words, else the act of yelling or providing the instruction is null and void. For the car driver that I alerted about the toddler on the tricycle, he heard me due to his window being partially rolled down and he apparently was able to hear what I exhorted.

What about AI?

You might be pondering whether the AI of the self-driving car is going to be a willing receiver of externally urged instructions. Well, similar to the case of the human driver, some key elements have to come to play for this to happen.

One crucial aspect is whether the AI will even hear a spoken command that has been urgently barked from somewhere outside of the vehicle.

Self-driving cars are typically including internal audio capabilities such as microphones to be able to hear the passengers that are inside the self-driving car. The AI is using contemporary Natural Language Processing (NLP) that is slightly adapted to interact with riding passengers. Currently, this NLP is extremely crude and a bit like the stilted interaction you might have with Alexa or Siri. As such this interaction is very limited and usually focused on obvious facets such as where a passenger wants to go. In the future, it is anticipated that the AI will be much more socio-conversational and be able to engage in quite extensive dialogue related to the driving task and the wishes of the passengers (see my predictions at this link here).

Few of the self-driving cars are being outfitted with exterior-based audio microphones.

Doing so is currently considered relatively unnecessary and an added and unneeded cost. The use of external listening is overall ranked as an edge or corner case, suggesting that it is a matter that is a low priority and might someday rise on the list of things to do. When you are knee-deep trying to get an AI driving system to simply drive from point A to point B, doing so without hitting anything, the prospects of coping with listening to the outside world offers little added value in comparison to the other meat-and-potatoes capabilities.

Some self-driving cars are adding external audio capabilities such as speakers that will allow the AI to speak at people, such as telling pedestrians to stand away from the curb or advising them to get out of the street when in the path of moving cars. Also, these audio capabilities are including microphones. The most prominent use to-date is to listen to the sounds of sirens coming from ambulances, fire trucks, police cars, and the like. As you know, human drivers are supposed to be listening for such sirens and then are supposed to pull over, though it seems that more and more human drivers are ignoring the sirens (a quite dreadful trend).

For those self-driving cars that do not yet have any external microphones, those brands and models have little chance of hearing any externally spoken commands or instructions. There are small odds that the interior microphones might pick-up an externally uttered human command, which is kind of what happened with the human driver (he was sitting inside the vehicle at the driver’s seat), but this is highly unlikely and also not being programmed with any prevalence anyway.

One supposes that a passenger riding inside a self-driving car might hear a person that yells out a command that is directed at the vehicle, and then the human passenger might repeat or attempt to relay the command to the AI system. This is fraught with difficulty. The person inside the self-driving car is bound to be startled at the externally yelled instruction and therefore not be alerted to what is happening, especially since they aren’t driving the car and they naturally assume there is no need to be conscious of the driving actions.

Even if the passenger hears the spoken command, there is a significant chance of a pronounced delay between them hearing it and then opting to repeat the verbal command to the AI driving system. Keep in mind too that the passenger is not sitting at the driving controls. The rider can only implore the AI about the driving act and cannot themselves directly use the driving controls. For now, the approach of having an externally exhorted command become relayed via an internal passenger is essentially untenable and relatively unlikely.

Bottom-line: Barking commands at a self-driving car is not going to do you any good, not today, though perhaps someday in the future this feature will be provided.

In the instance of the human driver backing out of their driveway, if the vehicle had been among the current crop of self-driving cars, I would have been better off yelling at the toddler rather than the car.

You might also have noted that when I yelled to try and stop the dog from running into the street, I opted to call out to the dog rather than the cars. Why? I could see that the cars were all moving fast, and their windows were rolled up. Trying to yell to those drivers would have been futile. My best bet was to hope that the dog would care about a human yelling at it, despite my not being the actual owner.

All of this suggests that whenever you see a self-driving car that is about to get into trouble, the odds are that you’ll have better luck at proffering a verbal command to an endangered human or animal rather than to the AI of the vehicle.

That’s the current state of affairs.

Conclusion

Do not lose hope.

As mentioned, there will eventually and in my opinion inevitably be self-driving cars that are extensively making use of external microphones and actively listen to the world around them. I would anticipate that all self-driving cars will ultimately leverage such technology.

There are added twists though that need to be given due consideration.

Suppose that when I yelled to the human driver to come to a stop for avoiding the toddler, I was somehow mistaken. Perhaps it would have been better for the driver to quickly accelerate and get out of the way of the oncoming toddler (this is a bit ridiculous in this instance, but you can readily envision situations whereby the verbal command is askew of what needs to be done).

If an AI driving system hears a spoken command, should the AI obediently abide by the command?

Your initial answer might be that yes, the AI ought to always obey humans. Period, end of the story. But this belies the chances of a human that has unintentionally provided an incorrect command. Or perhaps the human is being dastardly and purposely wants the AI to drive adversely or do some other devilish act.

I believe we would all reasonably agree that we expect the AI to assess the given command, even when a command has been expressed directly by a human being. The possible downsides are just too high and risky to not evaluate whatever might perchance be spoken. We certainly expect a human driver to do so, such as the driver backing down the driveway. I am assuming that he momentarily thought about my exhortation and then decided it made sense to come to a sudden stop. Indeed, no matter what I might have said, we generally would all concur that the driver had the final say in the matter and would be held responsible for the driving actions undertaken.

Assuming you concur that the AI would need to first assess any spoken command, you have now taken a turn into an abyss or morass. This opens a veritable can of worms.

When should the AI unquestioningly do what it is told versus possibly countermanding or ignoring a human uttered instruction?

Can we actually hold the AI responsible for the driving of the car, as though it is the legal or moral equivalent of a person responsible for the act of driving?

And so on.

One of the most fascinating aspects about self-driving cars is not merely the mobility that can be had via the use of AI driving systems, and thus no longer needing to have a human as a driver and enabling a mobility-for-all future, but this also brings up extremely important questions about AI and ethical considerations (for my columns about the rising realization of AI & Ethics, see the link here).

We might ask overall questions about AI that is being used for deciding on the granting of home loans or the AI that helps you to figure out how to invest your money, though those matters are not especially life-or-death per se. The AI for self-driving cars is in fact about life-or-death. We already know that every time a human gets behind the wheel of a car, the human is entrusted with life-or-death choices, for themselves and other nearby drivers and pedestrians. The same absolutely happens when we let AI autonomously drive a car.

Besides the excitement and delightfulness of seeing self-driving cars on our roadways, we also need to somberly consider how the AI is doing the driving and how it will be making life-or-death choices. That’s a routine part of driving, yet the repercussions are far from routine.

Let’s keep the AI from barking up the wrong tree, doing so by all of us listening to each other about how to best devise AI for self-driving cars.

That’s verbal command or instruction that we can all live with.

From Transportation in Perfectirishgifts

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The craziest celebrities are the ones that stay at the tip of our minds even after we see their last breath of day. Now that times have changed and we notice a different side of the music business, the harsh reality is musicians must consistently be seen doing unthinkable acts by the paparazzi to be relevant in the game. Even introverts like The Weeknd need to show their faces every once in a while, or they will quickly be forgotten in favor of an artist that can party hard. The lifestyle of red carpet events, drugs, groupies and scandals can only last for so long. A few of the most infamous party animals such as Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chilli Peppers had to put it to rest. The other side of a musician’s lifestyle is most of the time represented by rappers, rock artists, and R&B singers dishing out lyrics about being in the VIP at a club or waking up the next morning not remembering what happened the night before. Most fans are expecting them to live up to the expectation and if not, they are considered boring. Who wants to pay $100 concert ticket to watch a dull artist? What we see on TV rarely matches the reality of these entertainers’ finances. Yes, we see the fancy mansions, decked out cars, a Rolex on the right arm or diamond grills in their teeth but it is only a small percentage of the truth. Let’s say it together everyone; music – business. Eighty percent is business, and twenty percent is what we enjoy as entertainment. It means the money can come quick like a train but might also disappear as fast as a one-hit wonder.

#1 Rihanna – Was $9 Million In Debt Rihanna is the epitome of pop star success. She is exotic, talented, funny, two-dimensional and has a net worth of $160 million. While the “Work, Work, Work” artist has wooed the hearts of fans worldwide, Rihanna has also run into cash flow problems in 2009. It does not come as a surprise because this was around the time she was in an abusive relationship with her then-boyfriend Chris Brown. Despite this fact, Miss Robyn Fenty pointed fingers at her accountant, alleging that he gave her terrible financial advice leading to her being $9 million in the hole. How can this happen, you ask? Let’s see. When Rihanna was dating, Chris Brown the both were in and out of night clubs as they fell in love, popped bottles and promoted themselves as artists. As a native Bajan (Barbadian), Rihanna is a jet setter that quite often visits her hometown. We also need to add that her best friend Melissa Forde has been a part of her entourage, traveling with Rihanna almost everywhere she goes. I doubt she is helping RiRi pay for first class flights and trips around the world while she is on tour. Nonetheless, most of her money went to purchasing a $7 million property that her accountant told her was okay to buy despite her over the top expenses. We’re rooting for you RiRi! We know you can keep pumping out hits to make up for your loss. A lesson to learn here is no matter how your romantic relationship can get, put the same effort into making sure that you don’t overspend.

#2 Ozzy Osbourne – Owed $1.7 Million In Taxes, Bought a Chicken Coop Ozzy Osbourne was at the height of his career in the 1980s when his album Blizzard of Oz went multi-platinum. He was energetic, fun, crazy; a natural born leader before and after he left his group The Black Sabbath. If you felt entertained while watching his MTV-reality show The Osbourne’s in the early 2000s, you could tell that the rock star persona was still in him despite having two children and a wife. Despite the family oriented/dysfunctional vibes on the show, there is one thing that Ozzy couldn’t resist while in his 20s, and that was quote on quote, partying like a rock star. He even has a single on the Buffy the Vampire Slayer soundtrack named “Party with the Animals.” What exactly does that mean? I’ll fill you in on the examples: His previous wife named Thelma Riley started to have enough of his partying. She went as far as buying a chicken coop, leaving him responsible for feeding his chickens at night. To show his wife he was unable to be tamed, he lit the coop on fire while shooting a gun. I can only imagine what she was going through. Thankfully enough, later on in life when Ozzy had financial troubles he and his current wife Sharon Osbourne pulled through and paid $1.7 million in back taxes. Now, that’s what I call a success story!

#3 Andrew W.K. – Blew All His Money Partying, But Smartened Up Andrew Fetterly Wilkes-Krier (aka Andrew W.K.) is a musician, music producer and songwriter who made popular hits such as “We Want Fun” and “Party Hard.” Not to say that Ozzy Osbourne had anything to do with his financial shortfall but Andrew was a headliner for Ozzy’s annual music festival called Ozzfest in 2001. A few of Andrew’s hit songs including “It’s Time to Party” were used in video games in addition to commercials. Wow! He must have been racking in a lot of money. Andrew W.K. considers himself to be a professional partier with no grasp of managing his finances. He has admitted to spending most of his money on partying because of hearing negative phrases from friends such as “money is the root of all evil” as he was growing up. Later, in life, a wise person in his circle told him that money could be good and bad. It depends on how people use it. As Andrew reminisced on the past, he thought about how he could have achieved more goals if he had handled it correctly. This guy might seem like an airhead because of the titles of his hit songs, but he came to realize that if you are poor, there is no way you can help other people and began spending his money more wisely on his family. What is the moral of Andrew’s story? Be weary of people that have bad money habits and beliefs that will make you think that money is negative.

#4 Puff Daddy (aka Sean Puffy Combs) – Has Had Artists Claim He Stole Their Money It seems that Puff Daddy has the world at his fingertips. Starting as an intern with Uptown Records after dropping out of Howard University turned out quite well for him. He is infamous in Miami for throwing all-white parties, and if you search his name with the word party, Google Image pages will tell the rest. Although the late Notorious B.I.G. is no longer with us, Puff Daddy helped birth the careers of many artists including French Montana, Mase, Bow Wow and the list goes on. Besides music, he made a smart decision to diversify his portfolio and opened a restaurant in 1998 located in the hot city of Atlanta called Justin’s, which is the name of one of his sons. In 2009 the IRS searched high and wide for Puff Daddy for a slightly over $7,000 back tax check for the restaurant. As a business man that always appears to be well dressed and so eloquent with his words, how can anyone miss that? Well, we all know that Puffy is known for partying and after popping bottles in the club for too many nights, forgetting to pay taxes for a business that is in another state can happen to anyone. Aside from his restaurant, there have been many of his artists that have come out of the woodwork admitting that Puffy cheated them out of money from music albums. The artists include the rap group The Lox, R&B singer Carl Thomas, and “Whoa!” Hit rapper Black Rob. No matter what Puffy is going through, the right thing to do is pay his artists for their hard work.

#5 Lindsay Lohan – Couldn’t Stay Away from the IRS or Jail She’s back! Yes, Lindsay Lohan is back in tinsel town. Not on the Hollywood scene but she pops up occasionally, in the news stories. Most know her for being an actress, but she is also a singer with four albums. I remember her as the innocent Disney star with bright red hair. I thought she was going to maintain the girl next door image. In the mid-2000s right before her career started to take a downturn, Lindsay would show up to movie sets late, became friends with Paris Hilson was pictured with Snoop Dog in the club and was proud of her behavior so much that she had a cameo in Pharrell Williams music video Everybody Knows. An infamous song about crazy things that happen at night clubs. Like Puff Daddy, the IRS came looking for her when she owed $250,000 in 2012 after she went bankrupt. After finding out that she had no plans to pay up, the IRS stopped her assets. Surprisingly enough, her celebrity friend Charlie Sheen helped her out with $100,000. Four years later it seems that her partying ways remain. We can at least say that she was close to being domesticated; she was recently engaged to a Russian Billionaire heir named Egor Tarabasov, later breaking up with him for his violent behavior. Well, it is never too late to get back on your feet Lindsay. One of the points we can learn from her story is there is nothing wrong with being a good girl. They usually last longer in their career and make better financial decisions.

#6 George Clinton – Lost All His Money To Financial Advisers  What is the first thing you think about when you hear the name, George Clinton? If you ask me, I reflect on the multi-colored dreadlocks and the party lifestyle that baby boomers would tell me about when they reminisce on their musical favorites. He had a good time performing with his bands Parliament and Funkadelic and earned the respect of the great James Brown. As he was traveling the globe with his band, taking part in some of the best parties while brushing shoulders with celebrities, he failed to pay attention to the little details of his compensation from the record label that he deserved. George went on the record to say that he earned less money than his fans thought. He had no idea that his business partners and managers took ownership of the publishing rights to all his music. If he played his cards right, he could have retired earlier on in life. Owning the publishing rights to hit music means receiving a check every month in the mail. In 1984 Mr. Clinton, unfortunately, filed for bankruptcy to avoid an economic mess. On a more positive note, George Clinton’s last day on tour in 2016 is on December 31 in Las Vegas. He also has a book that was published in 2014 out right now called “Brothas Be, Yo Like George, Ain’t That Funkin’ Kinda Hard on You? A Memoir.” Who knows? With all the tours, he had lined up this year and his book; there’s a possibility that he can get himself back in the green.

#7 Allen Iverson – Thankfully Will Get $30 Million When He Turns 55 Allen Iverson wore many hats as an NBA player including being a rapper. It is common as a matter of fact for most athletes to want to step into the studio. I once asked one of my NBA obsessed friends what happened to Allen Iverson? Nothing had me more prepared than watching a documentary on Netflix of him called Iverson. He had a whirlwind of media scandal’s, and it doesn’t help that his cornrows (at a time when they weren’t a favorite of the NBA), and his thug-life persona was intimidating to society, although he was known as being one of the top shooting guards ever to live. Allen Iverson lived a lifestyle behind the scene like most American athletes. He partied a lot, and the money gave him a bit more pep in his step to the point when he thought he could say controversial comments to the press and get away with it. Sources state that he made up to $200 million throughout his career, mostly from his endorsement deals. In addition to fancy jewelry, real estate, and fast cars it started to override his fame and when the day came that the courts garnished his bank account, it was a life awakening event. He opened his statement and noticed a $900,000 deficit for payment towards jewelry. Out of all the organizations that he can thank for an opportunity is Reebok. He apparently has a $30 million trust with the shoe company that will become available the minute he turns 55 years old.

#8 Amy Winehouse – Did Not Have a Will Amy Winehouse had a heart full of soul, broke boundaries of what jazzy rhythm and blues looked like, lived her life like a rock star and her meltdown was captured by media for the world to see. Even until today, new artists from the UK mimic her singing style to continue the legacy of Miss Winehouse. Before she died, Amy was married to Blake Fielder, who many blame her excessive partying and drug addiction due to the emotional abuse that he imposed on the creative songstress. Shortly after they got married, we started to see a different Amy Winehouse. After a crazy night of partying, the paparazzi caught her walking barefoot around London town. She was drastically losing weight because of her drug addictions. Her voice was taking a toll and news outlets publicized that her performances including the one in Dubai in February 2011 were a disappointment. Her estate was said to be worth over £4 million which equals $6.7 million in US dollars. However, with her additional debts and taxes that needed payment, the most disappointing part of this story is she did not write up a will before she left to give what was left over to family and loves ones. At the end of the day from a financial perspective Amy Winehouse lost out big time; when our time to go comes we can’t take the money with us which means the tax man and other non-family sources took over what she worked so hard for.

#9 Luke Campbell – Thought He Was Too Cool For The IRS If you don’t know about Luther Campbell, get ready to learn today. Luther is infamous for making hit music (that in my opinion) started the campaign of booty shaking songs all over the world in the early 1990s. If you think misogynistic music is bad now, imagine how much it was not accepted back, then. The lyrics in his music stirred controversy and here’s how it happened. In 1989 he was in a group called As Nasty As They Wanna Be and a hit single on the album caught the attention of the American Family Association (AF) leading to court visits for making obscene music. Now to get back to the topic, Luther Campbell was the Jamie Foxx of our time throwing over the top parties with women in itty-bitty swimsuits with rappers, R&B singers, rock stars and their entourages all in one house. Although he is known for starting a musical trend that brought him millions of dollars, he had to pay off legal fees for his raunchy lyrics and was also unable to pay the IRS $74,000 in taxes in 2012. To go back in history, his record label Luke Records went into bankruptcy. At the end of the day, Luther now works a few jobs as a Miami New Times writer and is the coach for a Pee Wee football team. What can we learn from Luke’s story? Watch your words, actions and what you write. It might offend someone and if you decide to cross the line, make sure it is timely. Breaking the mold in a traditional industry might sound genius but give it time and break down barriers when the time is right.

#10 Lil Wayne – Spends $55,000 a Month on a Jet Lately, Lil Wayne has been in the tabloids more for his lifestyle versus his legacy of making epic music. He is one of the few mainstream rappers that was good enough to sit in on an interview with Katie Couric in 2009 on her talk show named Katie. Wealthy Millennials in the suburbs flocked to his skateboard riding persona even though his lyrics about being ghetto fabulous were not even close to their reality. The one thing that Lil Wayne or his public relations team can’t deny is the man partied more than a DJ. He has even spent $30,000 at Diamonds club in less than 3 hours. A $30,000 donation to an organization for in-need families would have been a better expenditure! Nonetheless, the stories about his career with Cash Money Records were leaked, his $55,000 a month jet and $30 million worth of fine art in his Miami Beach castle were re-possessed. I need to add that he also owes $2 million to a company named Signature Group, and is still in financial dispute with Cash Money Records owner Birdman for money from previous albums he hasn’t received. My goodness. I hope that Lil Wayne figures it out or gives us another great album to take care of his situation. The lesson today from Lil Wayne’s lifestyle is to curb expensive addictions and pay attention to the small details of money you spend. Partying is a luxury, but when the year ends, and you have nothing to show for, the only person you can hold accountable is yourself.

#11 James Hetfield – Wasted Money on Drugs and Alcohol Forcing Them To Keep Working If you have a debate with your friends about the best rock band ever to exist, Metallica might end up in the conversation. This group has traveled to perform in all the great cities worldwide. North America loves a lifestyle train wreck to success story no matter who it is, and it helps even more if you are a musician. James Hetfield admitted to cleaning up his act after a long time of drinking excessive alcohol and being addicted to extracurricular drugs. In 2001 he became sober and got his life back on track. Woo hoo! Even an alcoholic with a resilient liver can’t fight off the way it impairs your mind, lessens the number of brain cells to improve memory and makes you make irrational decisions. James and the group hired staff they could not afford and were unable to keep up with an entertainment corporation. Because of the mishaps, Metallica cannot retire; they have to tour every summer to make up for the loss. They tried to create a movie, but unfortunately, the film Through the Never flopped. It was over budget, and if successful, it could have helped them out with a chunk of their debt. As one of the thought to be richest bands in the world, James has a lot of work ahead of him. To all of the upcoming rockers reading this story. Do your best not to let this happen to you.

#12 The Goo Goo Dolls – Made $0 Off Album  Another fete passionate group, the Goo Goo Dolls, made our list. While we wish they had a better story ending with the success of their musical catalog, it looks like fun parties and keeping up with the Joneses was one part of the business this band couldn’t resist. More recently in 2013, Johnny Rzeznik, the lead man in the group stopped drinking. He told CNN “I quit drinking. And that lightened up my perspective on the world quite a bit… I think our last album was a bummer. But the only way out is to go through, so that was going through. And now we’re out on the other end.” In the 1990s the band sold over 2 million albums while under contract with Warner Bros. Even after the Goo Goo Dolls owed Warner Bros. money, the record label was kind enough to give them an advance after completing the Dizzy Up the Girl album in 1998. Until this day, none of the members have seen one penny of royalties from earnings for the album. It makes full sense that the strategy for the record label to request an album was to recoup the money. We would think that the three members learned from their partying ways back in the day, but more recently they surround their performances around parties. The moral of Goo Goo Doll’s story: a rock star lifestyle can be a reality without doing things to destroy your life. In your twenties and thirties you can catch up, but if you’re forty years old in the business with no assets to your name, you may have to start all over again.

#13 Courtney Love – Walked Away From Nirvana Collection When I think of Courtney Love, my mind turns to Kurt Cobain, plastic surgery and her love for the nightlife. Her first music video I can remember on MTV made me believe that she had what it took to be the next Madonna or being respected much like her counterpart (back then) Gwen Stefani. Whether it was her personal issues or the death of her late husband Kurt Cobain, she was the talk of the town and not for the right reasons. If you are thinking that she was caught a few times in her past for being tipsy, it is 2016 now, and she ended up booted out of a Guns N’ Roses party at Coachella for drinking too much. Who gets tossed out of a rock stars party? That means she was acting out more than a male pop artist that will get a pat on the back for his behavior. It is a belief that she is worth $150 million but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. She made $27 million of Nirvana’s estate disappear; apparently, she inherited this money in 2006 after her husband died. When interviewed by the Business Insider about this she said that she “had to let it go.” If she was sober when she made this decision, her daughter Frances Bean owns the Nirvana music catalog, and after turning 40 years of age, she will be the board member of the Empire. Note to self, never make a child responsible for an estate. While this sounds like a good way to create generational wealth, you have no idea how your son or daughter will turn out. Five percent of the Estate looks good. Twenty-five percent of the estate, even better, but be ready to groom them for the responsibility before the time comes.

#14 Busta Rhymes – Forgot To Pay His Taxes Busta Rhymes had the swag to become the next Snoop Dog. His dreadlocks, tough guy stare, heavy build and Jamaican accent in some of his songs were loved by many. If we count down the top 20 rappers of all time, he will end up on the list. We don’t know if it was his fast rapping style or his fearless New York mindset, he couldn’t shake off the nightlife. Busta Rhymes music played at night clubs, weddings, and birthday parties. It didn’t take rocket science to realize at the beginning of his career that he will carry out his lively personality we see in his music videos in night clubs in New York, and major cities he would perform in. Much like the other artists in my article, Busta forgot to pay his taxes on time owing more than $800,000. He even dedicated partying in a rap song featuring Zhane named “It’s a Party” in 1996. In 2015 at an after party for the BET awards, Busta ended up being in a club where a shooting took place. He was with rappers Meek Mill, The Game, and T-Pain. Also, he is the life of the party so much that fashion designer Alexander Wang called him on stage at his after-party in September 2012. When a successful fashion designer invites you to a party, you know you made it in life. Busta is also a good time Charlie with prim and proper celebrities. In 1997 the cookie cutter Martha Stewart took pictures with him on the red carpet at the MTV Music Awards.

#15 Tupac Against the World – Was Worth $40 Million But Died With Under $100,000 When you are an artist signed to a music label named Death Row Records it is probably a part of your contract to live out the life of a real gangster. Tupac Shakur was a man of many faces; besides the one we know the most, he was an activist, critic of politics, and an avid reader of the sciences. That is not bad for a gangster rapper! At the same time, Tupac had his share of run-ins with the law and had no choice but to live up to the thug life image with a boss like Suge Knight. He was conflicted between being a simple man or pursuing a new career. Before the end of his demise, Tupac Shakur wanted to turn his skills that he learned as an actor in Gridlock’d (co-starring the British actor Tim Roth) into working in front of the big screen. There are many theories out there as to why he is dead; Tupac wanted out of Death Row Records to change careers or the hip hop beef with the Notorious B.I.G. At the end of the day, the most shocking part of his lifestyle is he died with only $60,000 in the bank. Say what? How can a man with a net worth of $40 million die with less than a $100,000 to his name? Here’s the answer. As much as he was an intellectual, Tupac loved late nights at the nightclubs. Before he passed, he was engaged to music producer Quincy Jones daughter Kidada Jones, but before then he enjoyed the presence of female groupies. His assets such as his beautiful rental house in the Kardashians hometown of Calabasas was taken care of by Suge Knight and his fancy Rolls-Royce, Mercedes-Benz and BMW on rims were all owned by Mr. Knight as well.

Source: TheRIchest