#that adorable scottish boy with a terrible haircut

[aragarna]

Ewan McGregor as Duncan in E.R. (3x15 The Long Way Around)

requested by @theancientvaleofsoulmaking :)

[gifsbysimplysonia]

Rating Hayden Christensen movies Part 1

Thank you to @quinnsstars for the original post. I actually reblogged and added thoughts/ratings to her post but I just wanna put it in the tag in case anyone else might appreciate the ridiculous ratings and reviews lmao

Me and @jillybean1217 as we have now watched the following Hayden Christensen movies (as I’ve read in HC’s tag here on Tumblr, it’s not a Hayden flick if there’s not Tears or Tits or Both so that’s one of the Rating Categories):

Outcast

Movie: 3 / 5

Hayden: 10 / 5

Tears or Tits: Both!

I’m always going to be partial to a long on top but shaved on the sides haircut on a handsome man. Hayden is a Crusader Knight named Jacob while Nicholas Cage is a Knight named Gallain.

Hayden is so amazing in fights: super graceful in both hand to hand combat and with any type of sword. Jacob does lean towards Legolas levels of skill in this which isn’t terribly believable as he’s human, on opium (which he sticks in his mouth like it’s chewing tobacco??), and more often than not just this side of mortally wounded 😄 Yet he persists and looks so good whilst doing it. Covered in blood is a look I didn’t know i was into either, ha. The only minus for me with him was his accent went from British to Irish to Scottish, with Canadian slipping through kind of consistently.

Tears or Tits: Tears cuz he goes through physical pain and tits out cuz he bathes / has to be patched up when hurt.

Nick Cage is being Nick Cage in this so if that’s entertaining for you, you’ll be entertained when Nick pops up. Unfortunately I just remained puzzled about Crusader Knights in ancient China. Don’t think it falls under white savior though cuz dude was just trying to be on opium lol

90 Minutes In Heaven

Hayden: 1 / 5

Movie: 2 / 5

Tears or Tits: Tears

I understand if this 1980s Tom Selleck mustachioed vibe is for someone, but it is not for me. Hayden also made a choice to make his character Don Piper - based on a real person - Colonel Sanders level Southern…which was WILD cuz we get a clip of the real pastor preaching at the end of the movie and he doesn’t have an accent, like, at all.

We have referred to this as a Jesus movie as it’s produced by a company specifically making religious movies, and Christianity might as well have top billing. I’m sure the message could be for someone, just not for me.

The dramatization of the story also was too illogical and wild for me. Tell me when State Police would tell a man to go ahead and pray for a victim and then allow this random person to walk into an accident scene, climb into a mangled car and then LAY HIS HAND ON THE CORPSE to pray for the person?!? Don was also portrayed as very selfish and almost childish cuz he couldn’t understand why God had let him into heaven only to bring him back to a lot of pain and suffering. His parents, his kids, and his wife provided no inspiration for him to get his attitude together and I found myself actively disliking him.

Tears or Tits: Tears, usually of pain, and some wild noises that out of context? I could appreciate 🤐

I love (and miss) rom coms which is what this is so I was down. I am such a sucker and a sap, I’ll watch the same plot 72 different ways (i watch all the Hallmark autumn movies every year). This is in no way original which doesn’t have to be a bad thing but this could have been done better. Tropes include: childhood friends to enemies, fck boi/sleep with everyone, rival families, leaving small neighborhood and return, 1-on-1 competition with each other.

Little Italy

Movie: 3.5 / 5

Hayden: 4 / 5

Tears or Tits: Tits

Leo Campoli (how he’s introduced at a local fest) / Leo Campo (how the character is credited at the end of the flick) is adorable. I’m just confused by his - and everyone’s - New York accents? Cuz the film takes place in Little Italy in TORONTO CANADA! I guess everyone thought “Italian accent” somehow was equivalent to New York accent which was disappointing.

Despite being the neighborhood bicycle, Leo is sweet, helpful and thoughtful. Super adorable. And i like his dark hair, makes his eyes pop. It’s just funny that they obviously did reshoots or shot at some point after the original shoot cuz his hair is distracting in its difference

And I just love this one of him "dancing"

Unfortunately Emma Roberts plays the other romantic lead and I don’t like her as a person (mean girl and transphobe). I also found her character unlikable in her “I’m better than my home” attitude, as well as just found her devoid of charisma or charm. If I’m not rooting for both leads in a rom com, it’s not a great movie for me.

Tears or tits: Tits! Gratuitous and wonderful

BONUS! He plays soccer in the rain.

I have plot bunnies for all of these characters (not proud about the phone sex PWP for the pastor lmaooooo) now lol

[ankkalinna]

The First Annual Meeting of the Glomgold Society

Summary: All the different versions of Flintheart Glomgold meet to discuss their common problem. Basically the target audience of this story is like... Just me. Maybe one or two other people.

Word Count: 1600

Warnings: horrible fake Scottish accents.

Don Rosa's Flintheart Glomgold looked around the table and knocked at it with his cane. "Welcome, me. Me's- Different versions of Flintheart Glomgold. I have called you all here to discuss how to get rid of our respective Scrooge McDucks."

"Wait ah second," a Scottish accented voice asked as the 80's Ducktales cartoon version spoke up, "why does this guy get to be the chairman?"

"Because the author of this story likes me," Don Rosa's Flinty stated. "And she couldn't decide if Barks's version should be split into two versions or not. Last I saw him was when we stuffed him into a closet since he was confused and tried to shoot us all for being in South Africa."

"But still, if not Barks's, then surely it should be me," 80's Ducktales one tried. "Ah'm best known to the general public! Mass appeal!"

"What on earth has made you think the author has ever heard the words 'mass appeal' in her life?" Lars Jensen's Flinty pointed out. He sighed. "Can we just get to the point? I have to admit, I enjoy my own company but we came here for a reason."

"Scrooge McDuck!" 80's Egmont Flinty exclaimed and there was a general murmur from them all apart from Ducktales reboot Flinty who let out a bagpipe noise and a "Hello? You can let me out of the closet now? I'd just like to go home to my money" coming from somewhere.

Don Rosa's Flinty hit the table again. "Indeed! Our nemesis who continues to claim he's the richest duck in the world! I don't know about you but I have had enough!"

"He always does that!"

"He ruins all my plans!"

"He urged Magica de Spell to attack me to get my No.1 Coin! And The Beagle boys to steal my hard-earned money!"

"He stole my golden meteorite!"

"He just refuses to die, the old bastard!"

"He tried to throw me a birthday party when I was all set up to wallow in depression the whole day!"

"He let me be kidnapped by giant Australian moles!"

"He made me think I owed all the money in the world to him!"

"He locked me into a pyramid and left me there!" Guido Martina's Glomgold said.

"He thinks he's morre Scottish than aye am!" Ducktales reboot Flinty cried out.

"He is more Scottish than you are," Lars Jensen's Flinty pointed out. "I'm pretty sure I am more Scottish than you are."

"At least mah McDuck is ah genuine thrreat!" He mimicked Jensen's Flinty's voice (which it being a fake Scot mimicking a Dane-written-South African came out sounding like a Bulgarian accent): "Oh dear my Scrooge McDuck tries to drag me out to socialize with people the horror."

"Hey! He also rescued me from a deserted island once it was very embarrassing."

"I can symphatize," Don Rosa's Flinty interrupted them, "but we're not getting anywhere-"

"It strikes me that maybe we should focus on Scrooge," Guido Martina's Flinty pointed out. "Our Scrooges might have differences and if the whole point of this is trying to find new ways to deal with him..."

There was general nodding around the table and a few "Well I do like complaining about him"- comments.

The reboot Flinty pulled out a smartphone. "Ah got pics! This is him at a meeting. And this is him punching mah in the face. And this is him taking a bath-"

"Interesting. I mean, you're telling me he takes baths in water? I'm pretty sure my Scrooge only bathes in coins that's why he always smells so nice." Don Rosa's Flinty shook his fist. "As a plot against me."

"It definitely is a plot of some kind!" Kari Korhonen's Flinty agreed. "I bet he's so adorable just to annoy me."

A silence fell. The specific kind of silence where you are trapped in a room with alternative versions of yourself and someone lets slip something you weren't sure you wanted to discuss but now that it's brought up wish someone will say something as long as it's not you.

"By the way," 80's Ducktales Flinty decided to break the silence, "Just to make sure, when you say 'your Scrooge' you mean 'your' as in your boyfriend?"

Don Rosa's Flinty made a gagging sound. "What?"

Lars Jensen's Flinty fainted.

Reboot Flinty fell over with a 'herbivorous haggis!' exclamation. Don Rosa's Flinty took the opportunity to steal his smartphone to take modern technology back to the 50's.

"Hm?" 80's Ducktales Glomgold said. "You're telling me you aren't actually together with him?"

"No!" 80's Egmont Flinty said. "That would never- no!"

"But to be clear, everyone here is gay for Scrooge McDuck, right?"

"I am not!" Guido Martina's Glomgold protested. "I might be gay but I'm not gay for that... asshole-"

His eyes widened as realization dawned. "&£@## I am gay for that asshole." He buried his face in his hands. "I have a horrible taste in men!"

"Well ah'm not gay!" Reboot Glomgold exclaimed. "Aye am very straight, straighter than Scrooge McDuck who had, what, one real girlfriend everr? Two? Have you seen the four girls aye hired as mah cheerleading squad? Twice as straight! Also each of them had a bagpipe. A bagpiiipe! Aye once met a straight person who was playing a bagpipe that's straightie culture reit?"

"Just as a... datapoint," Korhonen's Flinty asked 80's Ducktales Glomgold, "How did you get him to, well- Date you?"

"Ah asked him out," 80's Ducktales Flinty said.

"What!?" Don Rosa's Glomgold said. "But he's so... oblivious!"

"I know!"

"I keep challenging him to compare our fortunes and he never gets the hint!" Jensen's Flinty said.

"The moment I saw him in my 20's I knew he was the one," 80's Egmont Flinty said. "I immediately threw a bucket of dirty water on him but somehow this failed to make him jump into my arms and declare his undying love to me?? What gives?"

"I keep trying to drop boulders on him!"

"Ah did try that at first! But then ah just asked him on a date and it worked! We went to a nice restaurant and-"

Don Rosa's Glomgold waved his hand dismissively. "Well, that's because your Scrooge is a softie. Unlike mine. A true challenge. You're defined by your enemies and I can't say I'm terribly impressed by your soft little-"

The reboot Flinty laughed. "Well, mah Scroogey is a true adventurrer! A cunnin' business man! Looks cracking in a kilt-"

For a second silence fell as everyone considered the idea of Scrooge in a kilt.

"My Scrooge is kinda an asshole," Guido Martina's Flinty said. "He keeps being pretty mean to that Rockerduck guy- Maybe I should be mean to him too? That might make an impression? We could bond over throwing bricks at Johnny?"

"My Scrooge told me he no longer constantly feels the need to rip his lungs off when he breathes the same air I do," Jan Gulbransson's Glomgold said. "I think it means he likes me."

"I think my Scrooge hits the best balance between an asshole and adorable," came from the closet. "Just impress him with your ball of string... Just make sure it's longer than his... I'm sure that would have worked if I just had a foot more string."

"The Scrooge I have a crush on is obviously the superior one!" 80's Egmont Flinty declared.

"Crush!" Don Rosa's Flinty laughed. "A mere crush is it? And not a bottomless endless yearning? Weak!"

Reboot Flinty looked around. "Ah'll show yah  more pictures of mah Scrooge bein' adoorable with his wee tiny lads, where did mah phone go? Did yah see-"

In search for a diversion Don Rosa's Glomgold turned to Korhonen's Flinty who happened to sit on his other side: "Well you won't get Scrooge, not with that look" He pulled his beard. "Get a haircut, hippie!"

"WAK!" Korhonen's Flinty slapped his hand away. "I'm pretty sure hippies didn't exist in the 50's, how do you know about them?"

"Well I'm pretty sure my fist didn't exist in your face in the 50's either but see where it's now!"

"Aah!"

80's Ducktales Flinty took the chance to leap at reboot Flinty. "Ah show you Scottish!" He pushed reboot Flinty into the ground.

Not to get left out, Guido Martina's Flinty kicked him in the stomach. "Mostly to see if he makes bagpipe noises when- oh he does!"

Lars Jensen's Flinty ducked under the table as Carlos Mota's Flintheart jumped at Don Rosa's Glomgold and bit him on the leg.

Don Rosa's Glomgold tried to shake him off. "If you give me rabies I'll send the hospital bill to you!"

Korhonen's Flinty stuffed his beret in Don Rosa's Flinty's mouth. "At least my hair doesn't look like it's made of steel wire!"

Jensen's Flinty came face to face with 80's Egmont Flinty under the table. "Hello? We're basically the same person, right? Maybe-"

"I think I have had enough social interaction for a decade," Jensen's Flinty said. "Also I was promised free food, which I never got." He sighed. "This went well."

Upon seeing 80's Egmont Flinty's look he hurried to add: "I mean obviously I knew it'd end up in backstabbing but I thought we'd get farther than 1500 words into this fic..."

"Want to go? I think we could try dragging original Ducktales Flinty with us, he might buy us dinner and maybe give us some pointers on the whole 'boyfriend' thing-" he ducked back under the table. "Intini's Flinty has a gun and he's talking about mole people again."