#that said I DO have a bunch of spell slots I can cast sanctuary on myself with and I just think that's the funniest strategy

[revvethasmythh]

*laughs nervously* totally not worried about dueling orin. totally not

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #120: Nitocris

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re making Chaldea’s most historically dubious pharaoh, Neitiqe- I mean, Nitocris! Make ghosts, praise Horus (no not that one), and I guess you can drown your brother’s killers while we’re here.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next: So that’s why the English don’t like the French...

Race and Background

Much like your Senpai (who’s... actually younger than you?) Ozymandias, you’re an Aasimar. However, thanks to H.P. Lovecraft and Lumley you’ve been forever associated with the underworld, making you a Fallen Aasimar. That doesn’t actually change anything at level one thanks to Tasha, so you get +1 Wisdom and +2 Constitution. You also get Darkvision, Celestial Resistance to necrotic and radiant damage, Healing Hands to literally slap people back to life, and the Light cantrip, because you can’t have shadows without a light source.

Like Ozzy, you’re a Noble, giving you proficiency with History and Persuasion. “Come to my new basement, it won’t kill you!” is a notoriously hard sell to people who aren’t winos.

Ability Scores

 Make your Wisdom as high as possible to be the best pharaoh you can be. After that is Dexterity, you’re clearly not wearing heavy armor here. Your Intelligence should be relatively high to help you figure out whodunit. You’re nice enough, but your timidity gets in the way of talking to people, so your Charisma is a little low. After that is Constitution, and then Strength. Casters are not known for hitting the gym.

Class Levels

1. Cleric 1: Again we’re kind of cheating here since you are a god, but hey, holy power is holy power. Holding on to the gate of the underworld puts you in solid running to become a Grave cleric, despite Horus’ general inclinations. This gives you a Circle of Mortality: healing creatures at 0 hp causes them to always get the maximum amount of healing, and you learn Spare the Dying as well. For you, it has a range of 30 feet and can be cast as a bonus action.

You also get the first of your eyes of Horus, the Eyes of the Grave. As an action you can detect undead within 60′ of you. You can use this a number of times per long rest equal to your Wisdom modifier.

Speaking of Wisdom, that’s what you use to cast and prepare spells. I’ve said this before, but casters have way more flexibility with their spell lists than most other servants, and as a Cleric you can change spells daily to fit the party. Take any spells mentioned here as a suggestion, not a mandatory part of the build.

For cantrips, Guidance gives you a pep talk from Ozymandias, Thaumaturgy allows you to announce your presence like a true pharaoh, and Toll the Dead is the first of many Necrotic damage dealers you’ll get. 

For first level spells, you get Bane and False Life for free, creating small spirits that hamper your foes and give you a bit of protection. You can also use Ceremony to perform some funeral rites, protecting new souls as the leave for the underworld, or Sanctuary. Creatures that fail their wisdom save (with a DC of 8 plus your proficiency plus your wisdom modifier) have to attack someone other than the target for up to a minute, or until they attack. Look, I’m just trying to make the whole “no armor” thing you’ve got going on not a terrible decision. Please put on some leather at least.

You also get proficiency in Wisdom and Charisma saves, as well as Religion and Insight. You’re literally a god, it should come naturally to you.

2. Cleric 2: Second level clerics can Channel Divinity once per short rest. You can either Turn Undead, forcing those who fail a wisdom save to run away from you until they take damage, or show an enemy a Path to the Grave. As an action, you curse a creature. The next time they get hit by an attack from you or one of your allies, they have vulnerability to all damage taken by that attack. Fans of our older content may remember this as That Thing That Made Sanson Terrifying from ages ago. It’ll definitely send some souls underground if your party has any rogues or paladins.

3. Cleric 3: Third level clerics don’t get new features, but third level Aasimar do! Your Necrotic Shroud lets you transform as an action, frightening creatures nearby if they fail a charisma save (DC based on your charisma, not wisdom). It lasts for 1 minute, during which you can deal extra necrotic damage equal to your level whenever you hit something with a spell or attack. You can use this once per long rest. Turns out ghost tornados are spooky, who knew?

That being said, you also get second level spells, like Gentle Repose and Ray of Enfeeblement from your domain. I’m not sure how well embalming plays with resurrection, but it’s probably fine, right? You also get some blessings from Horus, like Protection from Poison and Lesser Restoration. 

4. Druid 1: You didn’t think that bit in Ozymandias’ breakdown was just a joke, did you? As a druid, you can speak Druidic. You can also cast and prepare more spells, also using Wisdom. Since we’re mixing two full casters, just use your total level to find out how many slots you’ve got.

Shape Water and Create or Destroy Water will make drowning your enemies a bit easier. Infestation will make them suffer before they go. Fog Cloud can act like a bunch of ghosts in a pinch, obscuring you from your foes, and Cure Wounds is just a good spell to have. You probably should’ve been using it as a cleric, but being a druid opens up a lot of preparation slots.

5. Druid 2: At second level, druids get their circle. The Circle of Spores will let you use your Wild Shape in ways that are slightly less lore breaking, though again Egyptian gods did have that human/beast duality thing going, so using your action to transform into a beast of CR 1/2 or lower with no swimming or flying speed wouldn’t be the end of the world.

You get Chill Touch as a free cantrip for a ghostly hand that deals necrotic damage, prevents healing, and slows down other undead, giving them disadvantage to attack you. You also get a Halo of Spores, using your reaction to deal more necrotic damage to a creature that gets near you if it fails a constitution save. Mushrooms are kind of like ghosts, when you think about it. They’re the remains of the dead, they hang out in dark places, they can kill you without touching you... Finally, you can use your Symbiotic Entity instead of your wild shape, gaining temporary hp based on your druid level, doubling your halo of spores dice, and dealing extra necrotic damage with your weapon attacks. This lasts for ten minutes, until you lose those temporary hp, or you use wild shape again. Much like the circle of wildfire, you gotta turn into a bear before summoning ghosts if you want both effects.

6. Druid 3: Third level druids get second level spells, including the freebies Blindness/Deafness and Gentle Repose from your circle. Better get used to it, there’s a bit of overlap between the two subclasses. You can also cast Barkskin to make your armor situation less precarious, or Earthbind and Skywrite to show your mastery of the sky, grounding anyone who dares raise a wing against you.

7. Druid 4: At fourth level, druid can swim in their wild shape, and the beasts they can transform into include anything CR 1 or lower. You also (finally) get your first Ability Score Improvement, bumping up your Wisdom for better spellcasting and hitting things. That’s right, you can hit things with wisdom now, thanks to Shillelagh! It makes your staff extra powerful, lets you use wisdom instead of strength, and makes your attacks magic! All for the low low price of one cantrip.

8. Cleric 4: To make up for how long it took you to get your first ASI, you get two in a row now. Grab the Eldritch Adept feat to finally grab Armor of Shadows, letting you cast Mage Armor at will on yourself for free. You also get the cantrip Resistance for even more defense.

9. Cleric 5: At fifth level, your Turn Undead becomes Destroy Undead. Now any zombie of CR 1/2 or lower that fails its wisdom save is instantly destroyed!

You also get third level spells, like Vampiric Touch and Revivify for when you vampiric touch the wrong person. You can also Bestow Curses on the unworthy, Speak with Dead, or cover yourself in a Spirit Shroud to do even more necrotic damage with your attacks. It also slows down enemies that start their turn near you, and prevents them from healing when they take that necrotic damage.

10. Cleric 6: Sixth level grave clerics get a second channel divinity each short rest and become a Sentinel at Death’s Door. When a friendly creature would get hit by a critical hit, you can use your reaction to turn it into a normal hit instead, a number of times per long rest equal to your wisdom modifier. Only you get to abuse critical hits, that’s the pharaoh way.

11. Druid 5: Your druid spells catch up to your cleric spells now, also reaching the third level. For circle spells, Animate Dead gives you the start of your zombie army (just say they’re possessed, like they’ll be able to tell the difference) and Gaseous Form lets you get a little bit ghostly too. You can also Feign Death to prevent your party members from getting eaten by your army if you forget to keep them under control, or make a Tidal Wave. We’re definitely coming back for that spell for your summer form.

12. Druid 6: Sixth level spore druids can summon a mushroomy ghost to possess a corpse thanks to their Fungal Infestation. As a reaction, you can reanimate the corpse of a beast or humanoid that died within 10′ of you as a zombie with 1 hp. This one only lasts for an hour, but you can use the feature a number of times per long rest equal to your wisdom modifier.

13. Druid 7: Seventh level druids get fourth level spells, like Blight and Confusion. Normally you’d kill people with an excess of water rather than a lack of it, but hey, it’s more necrotic damage. You can also cast Conjure Minor Elementals to summon some freeform “ghosts”. I’d recommend either eight Steam Mephits for the aesthetics or four Summoner Dust Mephits for their flavor. You could also use Summon Elemental to get one big ghost air elemental spirit.

14. Druid 8: Eighth level druids lose all movement restrictions and can turn into beasts of CR 2 or lower, meaning you can finally take to the skies as an incarnation of Horus. You also get another ASI to max out your Wisdom. 

15. Druid 9: Ninth level druids get fifth level spells. You get Cloudkill and Contagion to spread the pharaoh’s curse to any who would disturb your resting place, whether that’s your tomb or your bedroom. People gotta knock first.

You can also Control Winds to ground other fliers, Reincarnate to continue your lineage (it won’t actually work on you specifically since you have to be alive to cast it, but just team up with Ozymandias and it’ll all work out.), and Conjure Elemental for more powerful ghosts. You can either cast it at fifth level for an Air Elemental, or upcast it to a sixth level slot for an Invisible Stalker. 

16. Cleric 7: You know the drill by now; you can now cast fourth level spells! Your domain spells are Blight (again) and Death Ward for a way to cast guts on a creature. You can also cast Control Water to drown your enemies even more, and prevent your party from joining them.

17. Cleric 8: Use your last ASI to bump up your Dexterity for some more AC. You also get another boost to your Destroy Undead, and it now destroys anything of CR 1 or lower. Be careful about using this around your zombie army.

You also get Potent Spellcasting, adding your wisdom modifier to your cleric cantrips’ damage.

18. Cleric 9: Your cleric spells catch up to your druid spells now, giving you Antilife Shell to protect you from anything other than your own army, and Raise Dead to bring the dead back the “right” way. You can also Hallow ground if you want, protecting an area from Celestials, Elementals, Fey, Fiends, and Undead. You uh... you might want to exclude some of those creature types if you want your ghosts to work right.

19. Cleric 10: Our last cleric level nets you the amazing Divine Intervention. Talk to your god for a free pass on whatever nonsense your party got you into this time. You have to get 10 or less on a d100, but it’s better than nothing. You can use this once per long rest, or after a week if you succeed. You can also cast Word of Radiance to mix things up. Not everything’s gotta be all doom and gloom you know.

20. Druid 10: Our capstone level gives you some Spreading Spores. As a bonus action while using Symbiotic Entity, you can send your ghosts away to guard a 10 foot cube for up to a minute. Creatures that move into the area takes halo damage if they fail a constitution save. You also can’t use the halo of spores reaction while they’re out and about, for obvious reasons.

If that wasn’t enough, you also unlock the awesome power of Druidcraft, the most powerful prognostication cantrip in the game. As long as you want to know the weather, druidcraft will never let you down.

Pros

Thanks to your split casting classes, you have a bunch of high level spell slots that you can’t do much with. That’s a good thing though, because it means you don’t miss out on much if you spend them building up your Undead Army. Assuming you save a sixth level slot for an invisible stalker, that still gives you 64 zombies or skeletons, plus five temporary zombies from Fungal Infestations. Nice. They aren’t tough, but you can cover a ton of ground with them, and that’s all before calling in any elementals.

Druids are tough, and spore druids especially so. Your HP isn’t amazing, but bolstering it with your own healing, plenty of temporary hp from your Symbiotic Entity, and destroying crits with Sentinel at Death’s Door means you can stay in the fight much longer than your health total would let on.

You also come packing with plenty of abilities to help damage dealing teammates. Like I said at the start, Path to the Grave can be terrifying if you can hand it off to a rogue or paladin, and you also have multiple options to prevent enemies from healing that damage back, making your dps’s job a lot easier.

Cons

Your Concentration isn’t that good, which wouldn’t be the end of the world if not for your tendency to get up close and personal to use spores. It’s especially bad if you’ve got an elemental out, because those don’t go away if you lose concentration, they’ll just try to kill you for an hour.

You use your reactions to stop crits, deal damage, and make zombies, and you won’t always know which one should you focus on at any given time. You only get one per round, but who knows when the next crit’s going to befall your squishy wizard?

Clerics and Spore druids both get powerful 20th level abilities. You get neither of those abilities, because you split the difference. You’re also stuck with fifth level spells. A massive zombie army is nice and intimidating, but it doesn’t make up for missing out on immortality.

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 4

Skipper Thistlespring and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

We pick back up at The Swan’s Little Parade where rich people shenanigans are taking place. Gorgug breaks from the group to try and call Zelda. When she doesn’t answer, he leaves the saddest, sweetest apology voicemail ever. Lou breaks. Siobhan breaks. I break. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the group gameplans. Adaine pushes back against the idea that they have to talk to Aelwyn. Her parents are also an option and Aelwyn is not a good person, no matter how hot Fabian is for her. They also check out the guest book from the hotel and see that Bill Seacaster has stayed there several times, always right after a Garthy O’Brien (they see that it happened a bunch while they were in jail and it was probably in conjunction with when Bill was supplying palimpsests). Fabian recognizes the name as a pirate and Cathilda knows they run the Gold Gardens which is a floating pirate casino/brothel.

Kristen tries to release Gorthalax but just confirms that, because of the curse, doing it without messing up Gorthalax is gonna be tough. 

Sandra-Lynn goes to get Gorgug while Fig decides to careen the campaign into Crazytown and make herself Empress for Life of the same. She disguises herself as an old lady and tries to drop off a note giving her phone number as the new number of the cop she impersonated last episode (Detective Decker) so she can send a fully grown cop texts that would def get him Chris Hansen’d irl. Brennan decides that if she’s gonna keep making beds, she should probably lie in one of them for once and comes for her entire life in the funniest scene of the episode. No recap I could give can do it justice(links to clips here: x, x). Just know it ends with Fig running away and ditching her phone in a lake, which could very possibly have plot consequences if she forgets to replace her phone before she’s in a tight spot where it would be helpful and the absolute dumbest/funniest reason for a character death (I want to note that she did replace her phone technically, but with a huge, old, brick phone from Adaine’s jacket that can’t be as useful as an actual cell). 

ANYWAY

Tracker creates a Moon Haven in the van which is basically like a dope pillow fort with the Sanctuary spell cast on it and TARDIS bigger-on-the-inside spatial mechanics. Once they’re inside the Moon Haven, Ragh finally feels safe to tell them what he knows--which he does telepathically via Adaine and the message spell to make everything extra safe. Here’s a rundown of what he tells them:

He saw Kalina on the night of prom after the big fight. She was talking to Jace (the sorcery “teacher”) and an elven woman who looked like Adaine in black robes--Adaine confirmed with a picture that it was her mother. 

After being healed by Porter, Ragh started walking home and was stopped by Kalina who said she would kill his mom if he told anyone what he saw. 

Ragh’s mom Lydia is also a half-orc barbarian. She was on a mission in the Red Waste (where the 7 Maidens have their Sophomore Year quest) and they found a soul gem that was leaking something bad. She put it in her chest to contain the evil but at the cost of her health. She’s now extremely sick and in a permanent, medically-induced rage to keep her alive. She refuses medical treatment because no one can ensure the evil won’t be released if they remove the gem. 

His mom fucking slaps.

So that’s all deeply worrying. Adaine invites Ragh and his mom to live with them in the Haunted House and Fig offers to give them Dr. Asha’s number. Gorgug discovers the Van can become a boat which is convenient for the pirate-y things they have to do (the Golden Gardens is on the way to Falinel so they decide to stop there first). Fig has a heart to heart with Gilear while Adaine and Sandra-Lynn take first watch outside since the Moon Haven can only hold nine people. Adaine has to roll a wisdom save because she’s outside of the Haven’s protection and, even on a 16, the music goes all scary and she feels that something is in the tent with her outside. Something humanoid and her size with its knees to its chest. She senses that if she sees its face, something will happen to her and, instead of looking at it, she calls for Sandra-Lynn. By the time she shows up, the thing is gone. Fig assures Adaine that she’s not crazy or seeing things and, based on Adaine’s description, they’re able to deduce that it wasn’t Baron or Kalina. 

In the morning, Gorgug is pretty bummed and asks everyone to call him Skipper. Kristen is very down and Fabian is very not. They discuss whether they should tell all of the information from Ragh to the 7 Maidens (no) and whether Gorgug should call Zelda (yes). They drive into the sea. Gorgug finally talks to Zelda who is not happy with him for the ghosting and unintentional thoughtlessness. She’s even less happy with him when she realizes he forgot to get the generator they needed to stay in touch long distance. They’re breaking up. Do I mean relationship-wise or phone-wise? You don’t know? Well that makes two of us (Thanks, I Hate It).

They’re at sea for two days and then make it to the floating pirate shipwreck city of Leviathan. Pirate adventures next week, y’all! 

Detention

Fig for Trying to Seduce ANOTHER Middle-Aged Man

Listen, I’ll stop putting her here for this when she stops doing this. Not to mention, she invented a whole ass person (HILDA HILDA?????) when she’s just been told that nightmare monsters are being generated from lies. Fig, my girl. Ms. Faeth. Please. I’m begging you. Please. 

Honor Roll

All of the Adults for Stepping Up

Every single adult in this episode was on fire. Fig confided in Gilear and he stepped up to the plate with a This-Is-So-Serious-I’m-Going-To-Use-Your-Actual-Full-Name, speech. Sandra-Lynn showed Adaine how to do some ranger stuff and jumped in to save her when she cried out. Cathilda was ready with warm milk and cookies she somehow was able to make in the van as soon as Adaine needed them. Sandra-Lynn also had a heart to heart with Fig and even Gorthalax, who’s still trapped in the ruby, gave Fig a spell slot back. And, of course, Ragh’s mom slaps. 

Random Thoughts

Adaine and Fabian both being uber rich but being on the opposite ends of the rich people spectrum is hilarious. Adaine is a “Sleeping in a van? I’ve heard of that but I’ve never gotten to do it. This will be fun!” Rich Kid  and Fabian is a “No turn down service? Hard pass,” Rich Kid. 

I was happy that they brought Ragh along for comedy reasons but who knew he was gonna be so chock full of backstory and important story beats? Like, every good GM has a way of making whatever story path that was chosen seem like the only way the story could have gone and I’m sure that whoever was picked, Brennan would have made that seem like the obvious and essential choices but I’m very happy they picked Ragh. Him talking about how much he loves his mom was so adorable! I love that he’s a big, good, dumb boy now and I’m happy they invited him to live at the Haunted House. That’s def gonna be good for some shenanigans (also love that Adaine’s only stipulation was that he had to be nice to Zayn and he was so eager to agree).  

Insane Ally Move of the Game: Deciding that Kristen genuinely doesn’t know Gilear used to be lunch lad at their school. Is Kristen even on the same plane of existence as everyone else. And then, later, “I worry about Gilear.” Do you really???

I totally forgot that Gilear was not only an elven diplomat but also a full on actual counselor. Makes it even wilder that he lost the job to Jawbone. Also, while we’re talking about him, I said we were gonna inevitably gonna get some more color on Gilear this season and we saw some of that in this ep when Adaine uses detect thoughts on him (which, btw, seems like a horribly invasive thing that people do very casually in this world) and we see that he gave up his career for Sandra-Lynn and then was wrecked when she cheated on him. Really puts a melancholy shade over his hilarious ineptness. 

Another thing I figured we’d see soon and that we’re starting to see is Adaine speaking up on Aelwyn. Two times this ep she tried to steer the group away from Aelwyn and seemed more serious than her usual trash talk. As excited as I am for pirate adventures, I want to get to Falinel ASAP to see how this shakes out. 

Also, on the mom front, wild that we found out that Ragh has a super dope mom in the same scene Adaine took another L and found out that her mom is also involved in this shadiness. Black robes are never a good sign. But I will say, just based on the story beats we’ve gotten, I’m not totally sold on the idea that she’s 100% bad--or at least that she doesn’t care for Adaine at all. I’m wondering if she wasn’t at school trying to find Adaine (possibly among other things). 

“Every time you have sex it’s a gamble. You could lose your heart.”/”What happened to you on tour?”

Gorgug trying to let a full sized griffon land on his arm is hilarious. I love that. He’s so wholesome and dumb.

I love that when Emily was doing her Hilda-Hilda nonsense , turned into Detective Decker, and ran past the police house precinct, Lou was the only person who was on her wavelength and understood what she was trying to do while everyone else was like????

We find out in this ep that Van can control all the auxiliary functions of the van but not the actual driving, which is important to know before a sticky situation. On a more personal note, we find out that he was originally a planetar (second most powerful D&D angel) of Elysium, specializing in harmony, relaxation, and chill vibes and he got dumped and kicked out of heaven for sleeping through a call to battle.

We also get the cursed image of a van with hands which I knew was gonna be the shirt and lo and behold. 

“Fuck Me.”/”When.” Y’all are the worst. 

I love that Brennan mentioned Porter in Ragh’s flashback, fully knowing it was gonna trigger Emily. 

Fig’s new plan is to get all of her parents in a throuple and I don’t even know where to begin with that tbh so I won’t.

@voxfantasma made a comment last week that Sandra-Lynn very well could have seen Kalina which is why she can she her in the photo--which is an offhand comment I made when I was talking about the rules of the photo last week--and Ragh’s reaction to the photo is making me move this theory back up to the top spot. I still wish they would show the photo to more people so we’d have more data for this. 

I loved Fig tossing Fabian a bardic inspiration for a compliment even though he didn’t really need it. I also love that she has a rider in her rockstar contract necessitating gogurt be at all her shows for Gilear. 

Adaine paranoidly casting water breathing on everyone at the slightest hint that they may have to go near water. Our girl is learning from the mistakes of the last oracle. 

With the gang facing off against the Nightmare King and Brennan’s description of the thing in Adaine’s tent as being humanoid, about her side, and sitting in a sort of defensive way, I’m wondering it what it was was a manifestation of her own anxiety or something along those lines. Of course, it could just be a normal ass monster. Sometimes the scariest thing is your inner turmoil and sometimes it’s just a monster trying to bite your head off. 

We also learn that Cathilda has a super wild adventurer’s life before she settled down to be a maid--so she knows what she’s missing and she’s fine with it--and also that she is paid ridiculously well, which makes me feel better about what’s going on with her. Also, her moment with Adaine and the cookies was so sweet. My notes for that scene say, “Adaine loves Cathilda and so do I.”

I loved Murph and Riz going equally Pepe Silvia trying to anagram out Garthy O’Brien (which is also what I was doing, especially since Brennan specifically spelled out the name). Cheers to Murph/Riz and Siobhan/Adaine trying to single handedly keep the story on track--both in and out of character.

There’s a part in this ep where Adaine Ray of Frosts Fig who immediately Hellish Rebukes her and that’s truly the kind of step-sister shenanigans I want to see from them as much as possible please and thank you. Also, like I said before, it was very sweet of Fig to reassure Adaine that she wasn’t just seeing things in the tent. Her catfishing middle aged men aside, she can be very empathetic when she wants to be.  

Adaine cast (or tried to cast Friends) on the thing in her tent. And I think it’s very telling about her character that that’s the spell she would cast and not an offensive one. Not that messing w/ someone’s brain is a super chill thing to do or anything, but I think, “Maybe I can calm whoever this is and talk to them and we can get some information,” is a much more measured reaction than maybe, “Let’s blast this thing to kingdom come and ask questions later.”

“Man van is a boat, my boat is a van.”

Brennan lets Adaine roll w/ advantage to convince the Hangman to come with them on the Van (which he still hates) because she said, “Please” really cute which is the kind of arbitrary DM fiat that I love. 

Adaine: We should tell them unless we’re being graded on a curve. (Savage.)

“Fig, she’s a maid. She’s not allowed to lie.”

All the skipper talk this ep got the Gilligan’s Island theme stuck in my head (never seen an ep but my mom watches it sometimes) so the next day I was getting dressed going “With Fabian, and the skipper too, the oracle, the PI,” to the GI theme song. Also, did not know skipper and captain were the same title until Fabian got all upset and I looked it up. Yet another piece of information I know because of some game (along with what a panacea is (Dragon Quest 9) and where the CDC is (Pandemic)).

Gorgug, being offered a virgin daiquiri: No thanks, I’m driving. (I’ve said this before: Zac low key has the best comic timing of anyone.)

When Riz is angraming, one of the things he ends up with is something about a “night yorb” which Brennan decided is a real thing that both the Hangman and the Van are very wary about. Having the Hangman constantly being like, “SPEAK NOT OF THE NIGHT YORB!” and the Van being like, “Seriously, don’t fuck with the night york,” was so funny and such nonsense. I can’t wait for the night yorb mini boss fight that has to happen now because of the rule of funny.

Gorgug comes down from his call with Zelda and everyone except for Fabian (and probably Ragh who cannon-balls off the boat w/ Fabian and they both have to be rescued by Sandra-Lynn) knows exactly what happened immediately. Aw, buddy. One of my favorite things about media where you have kids saving the world is you have relationship drama and also the world is ending and it all feels equally high stakes. I find that so funny but also it feels very representative of what high school was like, or at least what it felt like (minus the literal apocalypse, obv. Or maybe not. Idk what was going on at your high school). 

Adaine continues lending out Boggy to anyone who needs him.

Also, Gorgug tries to build a cell tower with driftwood and parts from Adaine’s jacket. It’s not going super hot. 

Both Adaine and Riz are podcast nerds and listen to This Solesian Life. All checks out. Their friendship is underrated.  

“I’m feeling really bad and my van is a boat.”

“I was gonna be straight edge except for drugs,” gives me “Sober salad” energy. 

The whole discussion about Kristen getting tracker silly putty for her birthday. 

The Van was serving some serious Ned Flanders energy along with the Owen Wilson energy this episode. 

Brennan does pretty good whale noises. 

Only crit this episode is Fig with a nat 20 insight to know Gorgug’s conversation with Zelda did not go well. Which is something she’d crit on.

[blogging-phelddagrif]

EDH Deck Tech: Cromat Utility

[you can see every deck tech here]

Hello & welcome to this weekly deck tech! This week we’re back at it with EDH with a pretty fun homebrew of mine: Cromat Utility. Now I’ll be honest, this deck isn’t great, but it’s pretty fun and sits at around 20$ so if you’re looking for a funky & unique deck for cheap this might work out! The goal of the deck is to play around the utility & versatility of Cromat & similar cards.

What I mean by that is having a bunch of cards that can do a wide variety of things, so that in any given situation you have an appropriate answer. Cromat is a great example since you can do 5 different things with it, depending on what you need. All of the cards in this deck follow the same strategy for maximum utility & versatility. Let’s get to those cards. Also, before you guys say anything, no the ravnica blocks guildmages are not here; they are mana intensive and they would take most of the deck since there’s 30 of them, you could easily make a deck around them though!

Apprentices

Let’s start off with the cheap ones; all the cards mentionned in this article are part of cycles, which makes things more balanced, and offers even more utility. The first ones are the Apprentice, with Nightscape, Stormscape, Sunscape, Thornscape & Thunderscape. Those cards aren’t usually too impactful, but they offer some nice little effects like granting combat abilities, pinging damage, or tapping creatures. They fit well on the curve too.

Disciples

Honestly very similar to the apprentices, the Disciple cycle adds some more utility to the deck for a cheap cmc, between Ana, Ceta, Dega, Necra & Raka, you have a wide range of combat tricks & mana fixing!

Non-Ravnica Guildmages

Not a lot of people know that Guildmage was sort of a thing before Ravnica, with a little cycle of Armorer, Civic, Granger, Shadow & Shaper. Similar to the apprentices, they offer combat tricks, pinging & bouncing your own creatures. They also fill out your 1cmc slot for the deck nicely, letting you easily play some int he early turn to start the action.

Familiars

Part of the same cycle as the apprentices, the Familiar let you cast spells of specific colours for cheaper; it’s really good in this deck since you’re using every colour equally, the mana reduction is sure to make it worth your while. Again you have the range of Nightscape, Stormscape, Sunscape, Thornscape & Thunderscape for those as well.

Battlemages

There’s actually two different cycles that used the Battlemage template, one being the same as the apprentice & familiar, the other one being on Alara, which gives you even more tools for the deck; between Nightscape, Stormscape, Sunscape, Thornscape & Thunderscape, as well as Ana, Bant, Esper, Grixis, Jund & Naya. The old battlemages all have kicker costs that let you have additional enter-the-battlefield effects to use in different situations; the abilities are also stronger than the ones seen previously and are most likely the most solid cards of the deck, with effects ranging from drawing cards to destroying creatures; the Alara ones are more similar to the apprentices with effects you can activate by tapping them, mostly combat tricks and small things.

Volvers

Very similar to the old battlemages, the Volver cycle has cards with kicker costs that let you have a variety of strong effects depending on the situation, in this case it’s mostly consisting of coming into play with +1/+1 counters and added abilities like trample or regenerate, depending on the kickers that you use. Part of the same cycle as the Disciples, you have the options of Ana, Ceta, Dega, Necra & Raka.

Emissaries

While being a bit less flexible, the Emissary cycle offers some creatures that have a single kicker cost to add an effect when it comes into play, usually it’s destroying an artifact, enchantment, land, creature, etc. They’re not the best cards of the deck, but between Benalish, Shivan, Tolarian, Urborg & Verduran it offers some nice things.

Masters

Sitting at the top of the curve, the Master cycle brings some stronger utility, even if the cost is higher, it’s usually worth it, with effects that kill of creatures, protect them, pumps them, bounces them or drains your opponent; they are kind of your end-game of control/utility in here. They are also part of a previous cycle, with Nightscape, Stormscape, Sunscape, Thornscape & Thunderscape.

Sanctuaries

While not being creatures, the Sanctuary cycle actually brings some nice extra help to the deck with some decent effects. They are part of a previous cycle as well, with the Ana, Ceta, Dega, Necra & Raka. They are harder to deal with than creatures and will let you deal with creatures or draw cards, or even gain life fairly easily.

Mana Fixing

You might as well play the Signet cycle from original Ravnica in the deck since you want mana fixing and the deck wants more 2 drops; I’d recommend playing the 10 different ones to have a good distribution, I’d also recommend running the Panorama & Tri-Lands from Alara to make thing smoother as well.

the Ravnica Option

I don’t personally recommend going the Ravnica Guildmage route since they usually don’t have much synergy between each other (stuff like the Simic ones caring about +1/+1 counters but the deck barely has any) and their activation costs are usually high, but if you want to run them I’d recommend cutting the Sanctuary & Emissary cycles to make some place for them, probably the Familiars and from there it would be up to you. But again, I don’t really recommend doing so.

Wrap-Up

That’s it for this week! I hope you guys enjoyed this deck tech as much as I did! Like I said, the deck isn’t GREAT, but it’s actually pretty fun to play and you have tons of utility & versatility to do a bunch of different things, plus it’s like 20$ so yeah. In any case, if I missed anything please let me know. I’ll see you guys next week for a standard deck tech.