#that yielded f-all ficwise

[sagiow]

“The Confederacy Strikes Back”: The Making Of

In a country far, far away North, late on a frozen, frigid December night... a lone writer sits down with her older-issued, low-batteried creative droid and a simple mission.

BR41N, we should really do something for the Mercy Street Advent challenge... let's see, what’s tomorrow’s crossover… Star Wars? Hmmm. We know Star Wars. Well, kinda. 

Well, a little. 

Well, a whole lot more than Star Trek, at least.

I say we give it a shot… OK, BR41N, give us a crossover!

404 Not Found

What, why? Come on, BR41N. You just take someone from Story A, you put it in Story B, you get Story C. Crossover. Easy peasy.

422 Unprocessable Entity

Please. Just one theme. Two characters. 100 words. No plot. Do it. Please.

415 Unsupported Media Type

OK fine, I know we typically go longish with tons of dialogue, but we ain’t got time for that. We just need a tiny little Civil Star War drabble, stat.

408 Request Timeout

No, it’s a daily challenge and it’s already 10 PM. I know you're tired from the MHMM marathon, but no timeout until you spit me out an idea. We gotta write this NOW.

418 I'm a teapot

Oh fuck off, BR41N.

You know what, fiiiiiine, forget it: we’ll take the lazy person’s way out since you’re obviously not cooperating.

Get Star Wars script from Internet

Cast Mercy Street characters in it

TA-DAAAA

That should work.

101 Switching Protocol

Thank you. Ok so which Star Wars?

300 Multiple Choice

I know, there’s like 20 of them. Let’s go old school. Original three. Uugh it’s been a while…What’s the best scene? Best pairing? Most iconic line?

429 Too Many Requests

I KNOW. OK let’s go Han & Leia. Can’t go wrong with Han & Leia. “I love you / I know”, The Empire Strikes Back. Works for you, BR41N?

426 Upgrade Required

Upgrade?! It’s a classic! But fine, maybe we should quickly skim the full script. Maybe there’s something else in there that will be a bubbling pool of BR41N-exploding inspiration.

404 Not Found

So that was a semi-wasted half-hour… I thought there was plenty of good, but nooooo, nothing good enough for you. So back to Han & Leia, “I love you / I know”. Simple. Who do we cast in those roles?

428 Precondition Required

Preconditions... well, we need someone for Leia who’s reticent to admit they’re into Han, and finally spits it out when he’s about to get… what was the name of that again? And we need someone for Han that’s a bit of a… shit, what was it he called himself in that “dirty hands” scene?

507 Insufficient Storage

Ah, Carbonite. And a Scoundrel. Nice... hmmm that first kiss is also a pretty awesome scene… should I do that instead?

303 See Other

Or maybe the first one, where she confronts him about leaving? It does have that “I’d rather kiss a Wookie” that would translate great to “I’d rather kiss a Yankee”… And Emma as Rebel Princess is pretty on the nose. So that would make Henry… Hen Solo!! LOL wiiiiin.

303 See Other

But Henry is never the more emotionally available of these two, it’s the other way around… And “scoundrel” is rather very Jed, isn’t it? Not Henry at all… and that first kiss scene is Peak Phoster. Maybe Mary’s fixing something -someONE?- and Jed comes in, and their hands being dirty means bloody, and her being flustered and liking “nice men”…. And then her running off when C3PO -damnit, who is C3PO gonna be?!- barges in and reality sink back in, it’s so Phinnian…

303 See Other

But isn’t that kinda… expected? Even boring? I guess everybody expects us to go Phoster (or Haliza. NO, BR41N. Not going there tonight.) Who else…. OOOOOOH Samuel and Charlotte!

508 Loop Detected 

Yes, back to the first scene, with Sam as Han Solo (Sam Solo!) and Charlotte as Rebel Princess of the Contraband Camp (even if the name does not work at all)! But who cares, it might work overall! And Han/Sam wanting to leave the camp to go… to medical school! Totally canon. And Charlotte is always the more distant one in this relationship! Yes!

409 Conflict

What do you mean, conflict? We don’t have to care about that damn middle scene with them and Luke. It’s a drabble, damn you.

307 Temporary Redirect

OK can we make it work with that damn middle scene with Luke and that “scruffy-looking-nerf-herder” gem. In which Han/Sam brags about her admitting her feeling, and Charlotte ends up kissing Luke instead. 

...who the fuck is Luke in this? Shit, who the fuck is Darth Vader?!

506 Variant Also Negotiates

I think Emma should be Luke. Fighting the Dark Side of Slavery, finding her inner Force… yes I like that.

That would make Darth Vader…. JANE GREEN. HA!

And Yoda…. MATRON! LOL Emma struggling around in a swamp with a tiny, backwards-speaking Matron on her back! someone should soooo draw that.

409 Conflict

Come on, it’s not a conflict, Charlotte would totally kiss Emma to prove the point that Sam knows nothing about women. Totally. But then I have to cast the others in that scene.

308 Permanent Redirect

Sooooo….. Chewie the Wookie becomes… Henry the Yankee! Hehehe... they are both as talented in using their words.

102 Processing

Annnnnd…. Anne Hastings as C3PO!!! They’re both British, like yellow and talk a lot.

102 Processing

Byron Hale as Lando Calrissian! Smooth, treacherous sonofabitch who throws Sam under the bus to save his ass.

102 Processing

R2D2… little thing that chimes prettily and follows them around…. Nurse Isabella?

102 Processing

JIMMY AND FRANK AS ALL THE INCOMPETENT STORMTROOPERS THAT GET SHOT AND DIE.

BULLEN AS JABBA THE HUT.

202 Accepted

Hell yeah, we might finally have something of a plan… now to writing it… what time is it?...

Hell no. 12:21. 

And Fuck! Phoster! I forgot Phoster! AAARRRGH!

504 Gateway Timeout

500 Internal Server Error

501 Not Implemented