#that's my opus of cornyness

[kah-ocs]

A Question of Trust (4/4)

“I was briefed about the case. Missing people and the search party didn’t return yet right?” -Miller asked the officer keeping watch over the place.

“Yes, we lost contact with them for a while”

“Can you send me a list of the members of the search party and their photos? It will come in handy”

“Here it is”

“Thanks”. Miller nodded after she received the data on her cellphone. “Leave everything to me and have ambulances on standy by because I suspect we might need them”.

“What are your instructions Miller?” Hunter asked.

But Miller didn’t reply, her expression was grave, the most serious he ever saw her be.

He kept waiting for her to speak, but she only uttered a word again when they met with Johannes, Miller’s second in command in their unit.

When Miller had to pass her orders around she usually left this task to Johannes because people respected him for being serious, reliable and more approachable than her.

Johannes also respected Miller the most out of everyone.

Which while it made his distate towards him not come off as a surprise Hunter felt that strangely enough it got worse after he stopped being at odds with Miller.

“Tell everyone to stay, I have to go alone”. She instructed after finishing briefing the situation with her second in command.

“Are you NUTS Miller?! Even an entire search party went missing and you want to go ALONE?!” Hunter grabbed her shoulder. “You are not making any sense and are not even explaining what’s going on and you expect us to follow such ludicrous orders?!”

Miller slapped his hand away.

“Stay.” Her voices goes deathly cold, giving no room to be argued against. “That’s an ORDER Hunter”

He flinches.

“Johannes, if he tries anything stop him”. Miller nods to Johannes and then walks away, not sparing even a glance at him.

That was a shock. 

Because that was the first time he was treated with such coldness from her and because it was the first time she ever used her authority to order him around.

“Oh yeah that’s the first time you see this right? The first time she did that I was also surprised”. Johannes speaks casually as if what happened was nothing unusual. “ That said, she didn’t need to put a babysitter on me when that happened”.

Hunter raises his eyebrow at what Johannes told him.

This strange behavior wasn’t something new?

“I can understand your shock. For a moment I almost wondered if she would make an exception and bring you along”. His voice reeks of smugness and mockery.

“...Miller ordered us to stay”. Hunter replies.

“Hah! That’s funny coming from you of all people”. Johannes snorts. ““Weren’t you the one constantly spouting that you wouldn’t let her get away if she did anything suspicious? You were all talk huh?”

“Johannes what are you trying to pull?” Hunter frowns. “You are her second in command right? She trusted you with this order”

“Ah yeah, second in command?”. Johannes’s voice is dripping with sarcasm. “Honestly couldn’t tell that when everyone thinks YOU are her right hand man”

“...I’m not trying to steal your position”.

“You know, I would once have cared about that. Back when I was an ambitious person that wasn’t given an opportunity to show what I could do until Miller recognized me and gave me all the space to show my worth when others tried to stiffle it.” Johannes muses. “Like a benevolent Goddess that you just want to worship”

“...”

“At first she was a means to an end. I knew about her shady past but thought it didn’t matter what kind of crappy person she was as long as she could open the doors for me to rise in the ranks”. Johannes kept going. “But then I started to think more and more that she, in truth, was the most worthy person I would ever meet and I stopped caring about seeking a higher position. Her praise and attention became the only important thing to me and I was willing to turn a blind eye to things or sacrifice anything if it meant I could keep working with her.”

“Beneath her”.

Johannes stops his spiel to look condescendingly at Hunter.

“You know, seeing how pathetic you were for that woman was a wake up call to me. How I was wasting my time, becoming so pitiful for such a WORHTLESS PERSON”.

“What did you say?” Hunter spat, furious.

“She trained us really well”. Johannes was unfazed. “Did you know that she never writes any reports when she goes solo and that all victims she rescued are not willing to talk about what happened? I never cared before because whenever she did that it happened in small, isolated incidents with nothing to write home about but maybe she was training us to not find it suspicious for when an opportunity like this arose?”

“...What do you mean by that?” Hunter narrowed his eyes.

“Well, no matter what she tries to pull she can’t erase her past” Johannes references the incident. “But if, say, she got all the credit for saving everyone when not even an entire team could do it then wouldn’t you think that public opinion of her would change for the better?”

“She’s...!”

...Not like that.

But the words couldn’t leave his lips once again.

Could he really say that? Did he even knew Miller well enough to affirm something like that?

His grip loosens and he let Johannes go.

“...Well, I’m done wasting myself away for her sake so I am going inside.” He adjusts his coat. “I sure as hell won’t let her take all the credit to herself”

He can only stand there in silence, trying to process his chaotic emotions and thoughts.

What Johannes said did make sense, maybe she was up to no good, but...

“Excuse me, Mr.Hunter?”

“Huh?”

“Do you know where Johannes is? He still didn’t reported back to the rest of us so we were wondering what were our orders”.

“...Johannes went after Miler”

“Oh, so should we follow them?”

“No” Hunter speaks firmly. “Miller ordered us to stay”

“Huh? But Johannes...”

“JOHANNES DISOBEYED HER ORDERS” He spat. “The orders were for us all to stay”

He decided he would wait.

His old self would surely chide him for his course of action but he couldn’t care less. There was something far more important occupying his mind at that moment.

It took some hours but Miller appeared again, followed by a group of people in bad shape, some with injuries so nasty that they had to be carried by others.

He went to greet her, and she noded in acknowledgement until she noticed the lack of Johannes’ presence, looking at him with confusion.

She expected him to disobey her orders but not Johannes huh?

He tells her what happened.

“I’m going back to look for him”, she didn’t hesitate, worry clouding her features.

Hunter would never forget about that moment.

About the way he wondered why she wasn’t angry, why she was showing such concern for someone that clearly didn’t deserve her consideration and what happened when she returned.

How distraught and in anguish she was when she returned with Johannes’ dismembered corpse.

After Johanne’s funeral ended he found Miller sitting alone in a far away bench.

He was trying to decide if he should or not call for her or leave her alone but Miller seemed to notice his presence.

“Why all of this happened?.” Miller spoke out loud. “The day before that I was just talking with him about how I finally got a chance to get him promoted but he refused, saying that he wished to stay. This isn’t making any sense”

“...He was hurt and trying to put an act of hating you to fool himself”

“What?”

“He thought the world about you but felt hurt because he thought you never cared back”. Hunter explained. “He probably saw you accomodating someone like me that has been nothing but a nuisance as a sign that you didn’t want to bother to do the same for him”.

“...I hate myself”. Miller spat, her nails draggin through her scalp in anger and self hatred. “When he said he wanted to stay I told him that he shouldn’t hold himself back because of me. I thought I didn’t want to step on his dreams but I guess I completely disregarded his feelings”

He’s such a fool.

Hunter mused.

How could Johannes ever think for a moment that she never cared? When she was suffering this much, when she cried so loudly for him?

“...I must apologize to you too Hunter”

“...?”

“You understood his feelings because you were probably hurt the same way”. Miller smiled bitterly. “You are a right, I’m the worst. It wouldn’t be unexpected if you also wished to hate me”.

“I don’t hate you”. He promptly says. “ ...And any hurt I felt was an unearned feeling”

“It’s not like I gave you many reasons to feel otherwise Hunter”

“And I didn’t give you ANY reason to trust me”. He replied back. “I... Both Johannes and I were such selfish hypocrites. Just because you didn’t do things our way we were conceited enough to ignore everything you did for us".

He felt disgusted at himself. He was so focused about appeasing his stupid ego,  stubborly focusing on things of the past that he completely disregarded every single proof she showed him of who she was.

To him, everything was “not enough”.

Not even the day she was at her most vulnerable, when she didn’t have to share anything with him and he didn’t deserve it but she still did it anyway. 

...And he was still callous enough to think of that as “not enough”.

“... I heard that after Johannes left you were the one to tell everyone to stay”. Miller bumped shoulders with him, sitting closer. “Thank you”

She smiled. It was as warm as the body next to his.

“Would you mind telling me the reason to why you did so?”

No suspicious of his intentions, not thinking the worst of him, she wanted to listen to him as a show of trust.

“...I had a lot going on my mind at that moment, it was very confusing and I wasn’t sure of what to think anymore, but when I was asked what should be done something became very clear to me”.

He cleared his throat, it was embarrassing to say it out loud but he had to suck it up and tell her that, she deserved it.

“You would be hurt if we disobeyed your pleas and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to hurt you”

“You are seriously too much of a good person Hunter”, Miller chuckled. “But... Is that ok? Johannes must have told you more things that doesn’t paint a good picture of me right?”

“...I decided that I don’t care about that anymore” He was seriously going to combust at any moment now.”I think that what you showed me is... Enough. I believe in you”

Miller was going to say something, but Hunter stopped her with a gesture.

Ok, he was nearly dying inside but he had to say that before he lost his nerve.

“The next time, if you need something you can just ask. I am willing to listen to you”

“... I seriously don’t deserve you. Thanks.”

“You think too highly of me Miller”

“Yes I do”.

“...IThinkHighlyOfYouToo”

“What was that?”

“Nothing”.