#that's not the point innit i don't care what you personally think about it im pointing out a societal double standard

[txttletale]

hey i need something to practice my bat swinging on. oh wow what's this big buzzing object i think ill try this. anyway it's funny how 'daddy' has passed into the popular lexicon and step-whatever porn is mainstream enough for it to be every funny streamer guy's joke du jour and dan harmon's had two beloved and successful television shows but whenever a trans woman has an incest fetish it's cause to unleash the internet death panopticon on her

[steelycunt]

okay so i don’t mind reg bc w/e this is fandom innit ppl can do what they want, but i think you’re so right that remus and lyall are fundamentally much more interesting characters and so is their relationship. reg by himself is somewhat compelling but no one in the fandom seems to care abt what makes him compelling i.e. stuff that actually happened in canon not just fanfictions that he’s been featured in. for instance, i see it being stated as though it’s fact that his parents abused him which we don’t know iirc? we know that sirius was mistreated and i do think being raised by political radicals would likely cause a turbulent home life, so i doubt regulus came out of his childhood unscathed, but we have no actual proof he was treated similarly to sirius at all. he was still a supremacist, just not to the extent that his parents were. as far as i’m concerned he died a fascist, but he had a “for thee but not for me” tory level attitude about certain things.

oh absolutely! with regards to my position on regulus, im in no way trying to say that people can’t/shouldn’t like him—as you say, people can do as they like, but im just personally not at all interested in him or with what general fandom consensus has chosen to do with him. the things that would make regulus compelling in canon do not necessarily compel me anyway, but more than that i agree that a lot of people have chosen to virtually wipe those things out out in favour of creating a morally pure conceptualisation of him that they don’t feel the need to defend (not that i think anyone should have to defend having an interest in regulus anyway).

i suppose i am just not personally predisposed to having an interest in canon regulus, so his popularity is not something i fully understand, but particularly the version of him that has been created by fanon...honestly i find him irritating, and generally i find even less to be interested in in a conceptualization of regulus that strips him of agency, flaws and responsibility. i said in that other post that i dont think regulus is as complex as he's given credit for (which applies even more once fanon is through with him), and i honestly stand by it--i reckon he was fully willing, albeit having been influenced by his upbringing, to become a death eater, and i don't buy the narrative that he had no choice and was forced into it and had no personal sympathy with the politics of it all. i find it ridiculously convenient. and then, i think he started having doubts when the impact of all it all became a little too close for comfort (for thee but not for me is quite a perfect summary lol), and he turned traitor. that is really all there is to it for me. i do not think that he would have rejected his parents' ideology if given the chance, the way sirius did. but i recognise really, since i don't think a character's morality or lack thereof should dictate whether you're allowed to enjoy them, the discussion of regulus' morality is sort of besides the point lol, other than the fact that i find his complete and unrealistic redemption via fanon rather boring and admittedly a little lazy.

my comparison between his relationship with sirius and lyalls relationship with remus in the earlier post was mainly just me. making a joke of sorts and being a little unserious, but i do genuinely think lyall and remus are a lot more interesting and complex--though i 100% recognize that this is largely personal preference and im not trying to dress my opinion as an objective fact. mainly, i guess where i am with it all is that i already dont really have an interest in regulus from canon, and despite his huge surge in popularity i have never seen anything in fanon that really changes my mind about that (apart from. maybe one fic). which is fine! nobody is obligated to sit here and try and tailor their own takes on, or fondness for, this guy to attract my interest, or win me over. that is not their job. my opinion holds no more weight than the next guy's, and my lack of interest in regulus is not anyone else's problem, just like i am not ever going to exert energy trying to win someone over to liking remus or liking r/s. i am never going to go to someone's blog or fic and have a go at them for liking regulus/demand they justify themselves. BUT, in the safety of my own blog, i figure im safe to say these things xx and as far as im concerned, my favourite thing regulus ever did was piss off and die xx

[renewingagain]

monday 2 october 2023 // 10:38pm

sooooo the inevitable happened and rhys messaged me saying he doesnt he feels how he was feeling before and that he doesnt feel the romantic connection progressing.

i am annoyed that it took him a while to say that - however i acknowledge he is a busy individual i just wish i knew sooner so i wasnt fretting about. however im comparing a bit to when i felt the same towards max - i knew i wanted to tell him and be honest, but i wanted to do it when i actually had the time to think about what i wanted to say

i cant complain really - this is the dating game and this is how it works! you go on dates with people and see the vibe. people are allowed to change their mind, i have done it myself. i am just not used to being on the receiving end - in fact im pretty sure this is the first time this has ever happened to me so the feelings i am feeling right now feel weird and new

the message he sent me was actually nice. he mentioned he did genuinely have a lovely time with me and that i am a nice person, and said thank you for the mems. it is true - had a lovely time everytime i saw him, especially over pride. pride was wonderful and really good vibes. i got a bit carried away in my head about us because he made me realise that he has a lot of qualities i want in a person - especially things like someone who isnt shy, loves meeting people, and has a big heart to help people and someone who demonstrates selflessness

i figured it was when he first came over that i was a bit boring or something - but we then agreed to see each other again and he would tell me he misses me etc. then i went to his for a night in manchester - tbh i didnt have the best time just because the club was a bit boring. but dinner was nice and i enjoyed hanging with him and his friends. part of me is like uhhhhhh so when did it change. and also i acknowledge that we are in different cities - but in order to see if there is a romantic connection you have to put in some effort? which i dont really feel like i was getting after that manchester day. idk, my head is a bit spun over it. however he could have been feeling this whenever. there is 0 point in me trying to pinpoint when things changed and evaluate - im sure if i did something wrong he would have said. but he said he genuinely had a good time so its done now innit. i did really like him but i know i will get over it

if i was chatting to someone else in my position i would be like listen yeah, take the L, at least u know where u stand, and that there are over 8 billion people in this world - someone somewhere will literally love you for exactly who you are and you will find your person

SHOULD i even be looking for a relationship right now? see im conflicted on this - i totally do want a relationship, however, i am so so soooo busy with stuff and also i dont want to develop a relationship while im unsure as to where my life is going in terms of my career. i think this will become much more clearer once this job interview passes - i really hope i get it! gotta put in the work though!!!!!!!

once again, i want to be more loving to everyone, & in everything i do. 1 Corinthians 14:1 states to let love be your highest goal. how do i keep this attitude in everything i do? i don't want my mood to influence my actions and the way that i love and choose to love in certain moments. i really want to love wholeheartedly and selflessly in everything i do. i want to be kind. i know i am generally a kind person but i could be kinder and nicer. i love to make people feel good, loved, happy, encouraged. if they are feeling shit i want to make them better. people deserve happiness

on the flip-side i may be seeing lewie to chat through stuff as that kinda deaded off a bit but not in the way i intended. i do care about him, and he is owed my honesty

anyway im tired, but lets make love, fitness, and job interview the priorities these next couple weeks. i went on another run today and even did a couple pull-ups - boy do i feel so much better for it! it really helps my mental health

peace and love G

[raecaw]

just read solitaire and jeeeeeeeesus christ

the tonal whiplash between heartstopper and solitaire is CRAZY lmao it makes so much more sense that there was a time skip between HS volumes 4 and 5 tho damn give those kids some time to recover innit

further review below - spoilers for Heartstopper graphic novel up to current updates, This Winter, and Solitaire.

I'll need to read it again to really grasp it i reckon. but i just wanna give some initial thoughts.

its so interesting to relate to tori. i hate her but i was her. i wish I'd read this book in high school because i had a mad superiority complex and didn't really view other people as real as well. i was also just letting life pass me by and living on the internet. i think a lot of us are just letting life happen to them, and it's hard to stop. I suppose hindsight is the curse we bear.

what was really interesting to me is how nick and charlie were characterised. of course im coming off the back of firstly watching the series, then reading the graphic novel, then reading solitaire, so im technically experiencing these characters in reverse to how Alice developed them, but i feel as though nick in particular is a lot more assertive and confident in solitaire, and im slowly warming up to it.

i think nick can be a bit passive in heartstopper, perhaps that's just perspective though. since solitaire is written from a first person perspective of Tori's, how much of the narrative can we trust? perhaps Tori just views Nick as more assertive? the fact that Tori actually shouted at Nick when he left Charlie to eat alone was initially a bit shocking to me, since we see the same scene play out in heartstopper from nick's perspective, which manages to focus on the healing and forgiveness. big kudos to Alice for depicting a really serious plot point from the perspective of two characters with very different personalities. Honestly, i felt as though Nick in particular was out of character in solitaire but im realizing that Tori may not see the best in people, whereas Charlie (who's the main POV in heartstopper) has a more rose-tinted view of Nick, perhaps not so healthily. I think the real Nick actually exists somewhere between both versions.

I enjoy Michael, and the way he deals with things, i think most people find themselves relating to both Tori and Michael in some way. I, too, deal with my intense apathy by making choices based on "wouldnt that be funny/weird" because it's hard to care about social consequences when nothing really matters, and since nothing matters, i can do what i want.

This Winter was a beautiful read, and I'm looking forward to purchasing the illustrated version. Christmas is hard. It's hard whether your family is broken or big, the expectations put upon that holiday make people crazy. As a queer kid in a conservative family, i approach christmas with the expectation that i will experience psychic damage, but i will also enjoy making memories with my beloved family, but i will also get very stressed about upholding my happy-go-lucky, life-of-the-party persona that im not even sure is real.

theres a popular and encouraged narrative these days about queer kids going no-contact with bigoted family members but its just not always that simple. not really. family is such a strange concept because these are the people you've always known, unless you have friends youve known your whole life, theres no way to really replace that connection. i guess it can create a sense of isolation. i think everyone should have supportive people they've never not known, but since the "Family" these days seems to get smaller and smaller in my culture, the chances of having family members who aren't bigoted diminishes, leaving queer people in a really difficult and isolating position.

don't get me wrong, in most cases when a queer person goes nc with their family its for a good reason, and they are often better off for it. i just wish people didn't have to be bigoted and necessitate it.

Lucas is an extremely interesting character. While I think he should have experienced more consequences for his actions, i appreciate that his story is one of 'a slippery slope' in terms of infatuation and obsession. i may have a biased view, as i have a stalker whom i had to take legal action against to stop his behaviour, but the key with Lucas is that his obsession with Tori's past self created a fictional version of her in his head, and when she didn't live up to his expectations, he reacted in a way that was out of proportion to anyone's actual actions. he created a villain in his head and broke his own heart, and i think we can all be in danger of this if we aren't careful about how we review our memories and set our expectations, romantic or otherwise. perhaps my condemnation of Lucas is harsh, since things just spiraled out of control. thinking aloud.

anyway, I'll probably have more thoughts on the osemanverse as i continue exploring it, but theres my thoughts immediately after reading This Winter and Solitaire today. Thanks Alice for another gorgeous thought-provoker. i cannot believe you wrote this at 17.