#that's the pain of being quiet and shy! poor Kara

[whumpmatsus]

28 Kara is cute, one would say too cute to suffer. Not me. Maybe fic where he is feeling really sick, but being the quiet one he is forgotten for a while? Or something. Pls and thanks.

haha, nobody is EVER too cute to suffer here! including precious baby 18!Kara~ <3

I had fun with this, I hope you like it! c:

-

It’s pouring rain when the rest of the sextuplets come to walk Karamatsu home from the train station, and he doesn’t want to go out in it.

Today’s drama club meeting wasn’t a very good one. The teacher leading it got focused on the two lead actors for the play which the club is showing tomorrow night, because they were both fighting and at each other’s throats. Most of the others ignored Karamatsu in favor of being on their phones or reading magazines or running lines while the teacher was busy with the leads.

Finally, in a twist that puts the cherry on the horrible meeting sundae, despite the fact that he’s playing a small part, Karamatsu messed up his own lines every single time. The others were so irritated with him, he wished the floor would just swallow him up.

Usually he’s so good with acting. It’s something he’s passionate about and enjoys and takes pride in. Today… it’s not that he’s nervous about the production. It’s that he just feels awful.

He’s been tired since he woke up, he’s warm and clammy at the same time, his throat is scratchy, he keeps coughing and sneezing, and any part of his body that doesn’t have a specific complaint is simply achy. Mommy noticed that he wasn’t feeling well when she sent them all to school, but he begged her not to keep him home, and since he didn’t have a fever this morning, she let him go.

There’s… definitely a fever running through him now, though. He thought for sure his brothers would notice and maybe ask him if there was anything they could do; instead, he’s been behaving so normally as far as they’re concerned, with his quiet nature and tendency to cry over small things, that not a single one of them has picked up on it.

On top of everything else, he forgot his umbrella. It was supposed to be sunny today, so he had to walk from school to the train without one, and now when he gets out of the station, he has to go out into the rain with barely any protection.

Although he’s crying by the time he reaches his brothers, it blends in pretty well with the rain.

Thankfully, all his brothers are carrying umbrellas, so he huddles under Osomatsu’s and presses himself against his older brother’s side. Osomatsu immediately accommodates him, pulling Karamatsu in to get dry. “Hey, bro! Geez, you’re shaking like a leaf. Sorry you didn’t have your umbrella!” He chuckles and tousles Karamatsu’s hair. “That’s what you get for picking a nerd hobby that’s right after school so you don’t have time to go home and get anything.”

“Don’t listen to him, Kara ― your hobby is just fine,” Choromatsu hums. He’s busy trying to entertain Totty, who’s doing his damnedest to attach himself to Choromatsu’s hip. “Now, guys, it’s raining out here, so can we please go home and get some tea? If we stay out here much longer, we’re gonna catch colds, and I do not want to be sick for graduation.”

Jyushimatsu scoffs. “That’s still two weeks away. We’d be fine, dumbass.”

Choromatsu’s face turns bright red. “W-well, if you’re fine getting sick regardless, you can go jump in the puddles for all I care!”

A smile briefly flashes across the second youngest’s face. “Really??” And just like that, he’s back to looking constantly angry. “Naaah… that shit’s for babies!”

They all begin to walk, and Ichimatsu shakes his head. “Ah, Karamatsu-nii-san… some of my friends wanted to come see that play tomorrow. What time does it start, again?”

“U-uh.” Karamatsu sniffles a few times, nuzzling against Osomatsu’s shoulder. “7 P.M. for the first one. Then there’s another showing at… at 8:30. I… don’t know if I’m… going to go, though.”

“What??” Choromatsu frowns as the six of them stop for the crosswalk. “You’ve never had stage fright before. You’ll be fine once you get up on the stage.”

“I don’t know, Choro…”

“Oh, come on, Kara-nii-san. Don’t cry like that… you made a commitment! You don’t wanna let your club down, right?”

Karamatsu reaches up to try and wipe the tears away. Not only is it kind of ineffective because his rain-soaked bangs keep dripping down his face, his hand keeps brushing against parts of his acne as he tries, which is painful. “Y-yeah, but…”

Osomatsu gives his little brother a squeeze that he thinks is supposed to be reassuring. It’s a bit rough, though. “No ‘but’s unless you’re grabbing a girl’s butt, Kara! You got this! You’ve done this shit before and totally nailed it. You usually don’t have too many lines, anyway, so it’s not that bad, is it?”

God, he should have a little more backbone. He should be able to say things decisively and not just fall silent when his brothers push him like this. Actually, if he just managed to say outright that he’s sick, they wouldn’t even be saying anything like this stuff. Right now they just think it’s pre-curtain jitters, which happens, which they can usually shake him out of because they know he loves acting.

Funnily enough, even though he doesn’t have much of a spine himself, this crappy cold of his evidently thinks this is the perfect time to speak up. The congestion he’s been fighting blossoms into something insistent that he can’t ignore, and he quickly ducks his face down between his hands.

“― Hh’DSHH! Hah’DTchh! Hd’TCHHuu! Ahh’DTSCHhhoo!”

A volley of coughs rides on the tail end of the last sneeze, so much that he can barely get a breath in. Each one makes his all-over soreness sharpen for a second, unbearable pinpricks of pain across his whole body. The coughs make something in his chest crackle and it hurtsand suddenly he’d pulled into a protective hug.

Part of him wishes he could just pull away. The part of him that wants to lean into the contact wins out, allowing him to nestle into his older brother’s chest as he continues to cough.

“Shit, Karamatsu!” Osomatsu starts rubbing his little brother’s back in an attempt to help break up the fit. “The fuck, man? That sounds nasty. You coming down with something?”

Karamatsu can feel the others hovering closer, murmuring in concern among themselves. The coughs finally taper off and he scrubs at his eyes, no matter how much it hurts, even as more tears start to bubble up. “Y-yeah… I woke up sick…”

“What??” Choromatsu sounds almost like he’s been betrayed or something. “You should have stayed home! Ah… wait… wait, you walked all the way to the station from school in the rain when you already have a cold? That’s a great way to end up with a sinus infection or pneumonia! Shit, we gotta get you home…”

“Sorry…” Karamatsu manages to croak out, followed by more sniffles. Thanks to the cold air and the sneezing, his nose has started running again. “U-uh… does anyone have tissues…? I used all mine already…”

Ichimatsu starts to dig around in his pockets. “Yeah, I think I have some.”

As he hands over a small pack to his older brother, Osomatsu gives a protective squeeze. “Hey, Choro, don’t blame Karamatsu for all this. He should have said something, sure, but it’s not all on him here. We should have noticed something was up. Right? We’re his brothers.”

Karamatsu lets out a small whine of protest, pressing a tissue over his nose. It would have been nice for them to notice, but… it’s not like it’s their job. They don’t owe it to him to pay attention to him. “I-it’s not your fault…”

Before anyone else can say a word, Totty lets go of Choromatsu and darts over to circle his arms around Karamatsu’s waist. He’s sort of wedging himself between Karamatsu and Osomatsu, pretty clearly wanting to be with both of them. “Ah! We love you, Karamatsu-nii-chan!! We’ll take good care of you!”

“… Yeah,” Choromatsu chuckles. He reaches over to pat Karamatsu’s back. “I’m sorry we weren’t paying enough attention to notice you weren’t feeling well. But we’re gonna get you home and tucked into bed. And I’m sure Mom will call the drama club teacher to tell her you can’t perform tomorrow night.”

Jyushimatsu hums, and he appears to be trying very hard not to smile wide like he wants to do. “We’re probably all gonna catch it, right?”

Ichimatsu chuckles softly. “Yeah, that’s what usually happens.”

“So… we can go stomp in puddles, right? Since we’re gonna get sick anyway?”

“No, no, no,” Choromatsu immediately speaks up, “no stomping in puddles! We have to get Kara home!”

Of course, it’s too late. Jyushimatsu has run off ahead of them all, launching himself into every puddle he can find, his face switching between an irritated scowl and a borderline maniacal grin.

Totty’s still clinging to Karamatsu, snuggling against his shoulder. “We’ll all get to be sick together! That means we get to stay home from school for a couple days. We can sleep and watch movies and have a big cuddle puddle.”

Choromatsu sighs. “As long as we don’t miss the commencement ceremony, that’s okay. I guess the last few weeks of our senior year don’t matter too much with regard to schoolwork, anyway. Especially since we’re already adults.”

Another few coughs are muffled against Osomatsu’s chest, prompting everyone to give a brief stroke to Karamatsu’s back or hair. “Well, before we catch it,” Osomatsu says, “we’ve gotta get this geek home and throw his ass in bed. He’s really warm… feels like his skin’s gonna burn his clothes up. C’mon, Kara. We’ll get you wrapped up in a blanket, then maybe I can help Mom make some kayu to make you feel better.”

“Mm…” Well. That does sound pretty good. “… W-with umeboshi on top?”

“Yeah, sure! Whatever you want! And Choro can make some tea, Totty can pick out a movie, Ichi can get a cold cloth for your forehead, and Jyushi…” Osomatsu blinks and peers out where their fifth eldest is… way ahead of them. “What can Jyushi do?”

Choromatsu blows out a slow, frustrated breath. “… Stay out of the way??”

Totty giggles. “He can be the bodyguard! We’ll station him outside the room, and if any of Ichimatsu-nii-chan’s friends come by to try and take Ichimatsu-nii-chan away, Jyushi-nii-chan will scare them off!”

“Hey, yeah! That’s a good idea, Totty!”

“What? Why do you want to scare my friends away?”

“Because Karamatsu-nii-chan’s sick! They can’t drag you off somewhere when your big brother needs you! That’d be mean.”

“A-ah, hahahah… he’d be fine without me, but… I can just say no! We don’t need Jyushi to scare them away.”

“We miiiiiiight! At least, it would be funny!”

Karamatsu offers a tiny laugh, which quickly turns into another couple of coughs. He puts a weak arm around Totty and wonders how he’s going to keep his eyes open for the rest of the walk home. He thinks they’re not too far away, though.

“Thanks, guys… this… this might not be such a bad day after all…”

[dolldirector]

Fallen Realm Playlist Masterpost

Big infodump under the read more, if you like my OCs and/or agree with my flawless music taste this should be interdasting

1. MUSE - Thought Contagion

Vampire stuff, punk vibes, a nod to thriller, all of the above fit the mood of a FR show + the song is genuinely very good and I could see it being used on stage easily.

2. PAIN - Call Me

Absolute banger. But that's besides the point. I see this as being the bassist Jez/Jamie's song (with a side of Deuce as the second vocalist). Jez is a fairly quiet lad who generally keeps to himself but I always imagined that he’d be secretly very flirty and cheeky, but would mostly only really express it via music. I actually wrote a lil short story where most of FR's band (minus Rex and Isabella) find themselves in some dive bar after a show, and end up performing in the place of the no-show band that was meant to be there that night. That band ends up being the very same one that kicked Jez out, so it’s a bit of a revenge story for him. This short is on my discord by the by.

3. Emigrate - Eat You Alive

Oh boy, this is a strong one. Basically, just watch this video but pretend that Axl is Richard (the frontman). That’s it. That’s the explanation.

Being serious though, RZK is and always has been a huge influence for Axl's visual design, mannerisms and on-stage behaviours. On top of that, this is 100% the type of music he'd listen to, and the lyrics may as well just be plucked right outta his brain. Are the words meant to be aimed at Valeriya in a threatening way? Or is it a cheeky flirt with Trinity? Both? Neither? We’ll never know.

Also, completely unrelated I’m sure, here’s a wip you may or may not be able to force me to finish on stream via channel points soon...

4. Axel One - Out of the Dark

Can't exactly say much about this one cause it's spoilers, but I will say it's less about the song itself and more about the video, and that it does concern the one FR character who is already dead when the story begins.

5. Lord of the Lost - Raining Stars

Just seems to me like a real good song to perform to. I can imagine seeing acrobatic stunts in slow-mo to this track. That’s it for this one, just “I just think they’re neat”. Gorgeous song and video by an amazing band anyway though.

6. Oomph! - Supernova

Kinda the same deal as the Emigrate song, you can just insert Axl into this one in Dero’s place, along with Jez, Vlad, and Thatch. Once again the style and lyrics fit him perfectly, and this one earns bonus points since Dero is actually Axl's canon voiceclaim - specifically in this era of Oomph!’s music too.

7. Die Kreatur - Kälter als der Tod

At the risk of this thread becoming Oops All Axl TM - AH YES. This one is perfect for the point where Axl finally gets the fuck over himself, and stops being horrible to Vlad because of guitar jealousy, and they become bros.

Realistically, I doubt that Vlad - the clueless human vampire fanatic - will ever realise that Axl is a real actual vampire, but he'd be so glad that they seem to have this ~shared interest~ in them, and he'd by hyped as heck to do a performance like this with his guitar buddy. By the way, Vlad wonders to himself, isn’t it odd that he’s never seen Axl putting his fake fangs in?? Weird

As for the girl on the altar, there are a couple ideas I’ve toyed with. Random audience member for fun. Trinity but Axl gets mad jealous even though he thought and said he wouldn't. (No sharing!! Not even for jokes.) Valeriya but the poor thing is scared to the point of tears because this is just a little too close to a real experience for her and Vlad just can't figure out why. Axl insists she’s just being dramatic. Rex has to rescue her because she’s too shy to put her foot down.

Or perhaps Isabella would wanna join in, but she can't take it seriously and keeps laughing which just causes a chain reaction every time with even Axl cracking a smile. There are like a million cut takes now. Send help.

All in all a fun crossover to think about.

8. Adelitas Way - Still Hungry

This one is just Diesel’s anthem. This is the story of a young punk who can’t stop, won’t stop, never gives up and needs more. Right kinda music for him too.

9. MONO INC. - Shining Light

100% a full-cast song. I feel like the lyrics apply to a number of different things about various members of the circus' backstories, and their found family vibe together - if you think about them in super vague terms, at least. I liked to consider the vocals a duet between Rex and Isabella, being the two singers, but there are a couple lines that are kinda too adult for Bella and would make the duet sorta odd so ehhh 90% of it can be that, let’s say. (This is baring in mind that Isabella is an orphaned minor and Rex is like a father figure for her - as he kinda is for many of the members of the circus)

I also did a doodle of this. This one will also be on the force-me-to-work-on-this-WIP-live pile.

9.5. Lacrimosa - Lichtgestalt a.k.a the original version of Shining Light

Same song, just German and carrying a much darker, creepier tone. It fits in new, fun ways.

10. Oomph! - Viel zu Tief

OOPS ALL AXL TM

Lyrics are very important for this one. Once again, music is the right style, Dero is still his voiceclaim, and Axl actually speaks German in canon (and NO I didn’t do that just so Oomph! songs fit him better, shUT UP)

11. Pet Shop Boys - It’s a Sin

Bit out of left field for this playlist, sure, but with all the controversy and extremely shakey morals in FR's world and with its characters, this one just seems fitting. Plus I'd want em to cover it for a show. Banger.

Honorable mention goes to Ghost’s cover of this song. I don’t even listen to Ghost but my reaction upon finding out this exists was like “lmao yes, of course, why wouldn’t they”.

This song in general I associate instinctively with Vlad, purely because its 80s and campy and I feel like he’d be the type to listen to Ghost.

12. Destiny Potato - Lunatic

Very strongly feel this is a performance song featuring Isabella. This song fits the character - and in particular her tragic backstoryTM pretty well. I’d even go so far as to say the singer would be a pretty good voiceclaim for her if her voice wasn’t meant to be more robotic in canon. This is pretty close to what I imagine, though. Strong n sweet.

13. Nightwish - I Want My Tears Back

One of the first songs I imagined to go well with stage performances. This one for sure would be a duet between Rex and Isabella.

Plus at about 3:10 there's a long solo with a bit of back-and-forth between the guitar and hurdy gurdy (I think?) that I could 100% see Axl and Vlad doing on guitar and keytar respectively.

14. Lord of the Lost - Drag Me To Hell

Yeah this one is just Axl @ his ex

15. Lindemann - Steh Auf!

Bleib nicht liegen, es wär schade - Zirkus ist heut in der Stadt

So, this would be from Isabella’s perspective. Did I mention she was orphaned? Yeah. I guess this one is a little dark.

16. Otetsu & GUMI - Disordered Self-Restraint Girl

The song itself seems to be the story of a child who is trying to coax their parent/guardian into getting up and doing things, not realising that parent had passed away from a drug overdose. Drugs isn’t the way Isabella’s parents died, but the rest of the song fits that part of her backstory imo. Plus, it’s German, and Isabella is German, so yay!

Uh oh, vocaloid.

For a long time I've associated this one with Valeria, and her feelings towards the circus in the early days. After she's accidentally turned by Axl, Val gets effectively kidnapped by FR, taken in before she can even regain consciousness and completely against her will, since it would be incredibly irresponsible of them to just leave a fresh new vampire out in the world so they kinda don't have a choice. While she eventually finds her place and elects to stay after some time has passed, there was a period of time where she definitely would have felt trapped.

This is without even going into the fact that she's now stuck travelling and living with her would-be murderer, and - due to the fact that half of the circus don't even know non-humans exist, let alone what actually happened to Valeria - many of the people around her don't seem to care, or simply do not understand why she's so scared and stressed. It leaves her, at times, feeling like she could be killed tomorrow and nobody would give a shit.

Showtime, katanamochi bunbun furimawashi kubi kara ue hanetobashite mo - ashita ni nareba minna motodoori, waratte yurushite

Translation: Showtime, even if a sword wielder slices my head and makes it fly off, tomorrow everything continues as usual, smiling, forgiving

(Don't worry, in reality Rex, Diesel, and Thatch are there for her & understand the shit she's going through. I promise the folks in the circus do actually care. It's just hard for her to see it in this period of time.)

(There will almost definitely be more songs and doodles added here in the future, but for now that’s all folks!)

[alucience]

Hi! Sooo I just did your “which brother are you” test and I had so much fun doing it! *A* I was wondering, how did you decided the MBTI types of the brothers? I’m especially interested in Karamatsu’s one, because I never really thought about it, but INTP seems a bit off to me… I really don’t know about the rest, but to me Kara is an F… I’d be really interested to know your reasoning behind it! :) ->

mm! I’m glad you asked! 

I’ve always been very interested in the MBTI, and although it’s hard, type-watching can be pretty fun. I’ll say a little bit on each letter individually and the personality types as a whole. 

[All quotes are from Truity and 16personalities. Also, I drew pictures, but they’re over a year old so it’s a little painful;;;] 

Osomatsu’s was pretty easy, so I won’t spend much time here. He has a playful personality like many SP’s, he’s an extrovert who is spontaneous with poor planning, and the quotes about his type are on-point. He relies on his younger brothers, and fears the day he won’t be with them anymore. 

When I was first trying to figure out Karamatsu’s, I thought he had to be an INFP. However, at the time, I realized that I was trying to label his undying passion as an F in the MBTI, when really I think he still relies on logic to make the right choices. 

There are common misconceptions about some personality traits. The F and T aren’t meant for labeling the level of feelings a person experiences, kind of like how introversion and extroversion don’t necessarily describe how outgoing or how shy a person is. Introversion and extroversion describe where one gets their mental energy from; being alone or being with people. The F and T simply provide the means in which someone reaches a conclusion and makes a decision; through a logical standpoint or from emotion-based reasons. 

Looking back now (I did this almost 2 years ago), I feel like attributes from both types do fit him. He might be right in between (as this study isn’t necessarily a black-and-white category), or I could be completely wrong. One thing that throws me off is that most of my friends in the past have been INFPs, and Karamatsu seems to have a slightly cooler temperament than my pals do. Like although he’s secretly a sensitive little muffin and his passionate way of thinking is above and beyond, I think it’s still possible for him to be a T. INFPs are known generally as the most creative type, and INTPs are more known for their deep interest and understanding in philosophy. I see Karamatsu as the latter more than a creative and artsy person, so I guess that’s my reasoning. 

Choromatsu’s was the easiest for me, since I actually have an older sister who’s an INTJ. Introverted, intuitive, logical, and well-organized, not much needs to be said beyond the quotes I’ve provided for him. 

Ichimatsu’s wasn’t too rough, but it was still hard to decipher since he’s one of those characters that relies on “his dark, shitty aura” to define him. I don’t think I need to argue that he’s an introvert, and I see him as a sensor rather than an intuitive. I think he’s more practical, down-to-earth, concrete, and present-oriented. As for the Perceiving (the way he organizes things, time, activities, etc.) I think he’s pretty chill. He doesn’t seem to stress much about the future and lives in the moment, unlike Choromatsu, and is pretty open when it comes to making schedules. I think he has a lot of emotions he likes to hide, but makes decisions from a factual standpoint. 

First, Jyushimatsu is definitely a perceiver. Spontaneous, open, disorganized, and flexible. Looking at his type, it’s no wonder he and Ichimatsu get along. Ichimatsu is quiet and tolerant, while Jyushimatsu has a quirky and unique personality that compliments him well. Loud, exciting, and outgoing like a stereotypical extrovert. Jyushimatsu acting on logic or even having the smallest bit of seriousness in his being just doesn’t sound right; he’s an F. I don’t see him as a sensor, either. He’s not so much down to earth as he is above the clouds just being him. Imaginative, abstract, conceptual - heck there was a whole episode about him and concepts. Although his personality is extreme, I think ENFP fits him just fine. Unless there’s a 17th personality just called Jyushimatsu. 

Todomatsu’s took me the longest of any of the brothers because I immediately marked him as an extrovert before anything else. As an ESFP, he would have shared a personality type with Osomatsu, and that didn’t sound right to me at all. I didn’t realize he was introverted until I took another glance at the ISFP personality type, and it hit me. All those times he climbed mountains alone, visited the gym by himself, and was content just quietly being on his phone - yes yes he’s an introvert, people. I love the quote “low-key enthusiasm”, because I feel like that really fits him. The quote that had me sold on this type, however, was: “it can also happen that people with the ISFP personality type establish a more self-centered identity, acting with selfishness, manipulation and egoism.” Aside from the introversion, he’s pretty practical over abstract, he’s definitely not a logical boy, and he doesn’t really care to plan ahead. 

That’s my reasoning behind each brother :p 

[amairauthor]

No Strangers

When you are part of a religious community, like The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there is great comfort in the support that members provide each other.

The church does a great job taking care of those who fit into their box but often falls short with those that do not easily fit into a certain expectation.  We often do not do so well when someone's life or choices fall outside of the bubble we call "standards." Those who are LGBTQIA+ or those who have deep questions about their faith are just two of these groups who may feel like they are strangers in an otherwise healthy fellowship. 

In the household of faith there are to be no strangers, no foreigners, no rich and poor, no outside "others." As "fellowcitizens with the saints," we are invited to change the world for the better, from the inside out, one person, one family, one neighborhood at a time.

- Elder Gerrit W. Gong

 The word stranger comes from the Latin word extraneus; in OLD French, it was estrangier for "foreigner" or "from the outside." Being called or thought of as a stranger means you are or feel like an outsider. 

As disciples of Jesus Christ who strive to be in the world but not of the world, we sometimes feel like outsiders. We, better than many, know that certain doors can be closed to those who are considered to be different.

- Bishop Gérald Caussé, 1st Counselor in the Presiding Bishopric, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints 

I understand the need to hold up a high standard and expect myself to work toward that goal.  That is one of the reasons I love being a member of my church. But when someone else is on a different path, for whatever reason, I have all too often taken their journey as a direct conflict with my own.  

 It doesn't have to be that way. 

When faced with similar situations, I have been filled with the drive to soothe myself, to make sure the other party experience all of my disappointment that they may not live up to my standards.  Maybe it's a friend who identifies as gay and wants to marry their partner. Or maybe it is someone who struggles with the teachings of the church or one of its leaders.  

 One of my favorite hymns says: 

Know this, that ev'ry soul is free to choose his life and what he'll be; for this eternal truth is giv'n: that God will force no man to heav'n.

He'll call, persuade, direct aright, and bless with wisdom, love, and light, in nameless ways be good and kind, but never force the human mind.

Freedom and reason make us men; Take these away, what are we then? Mere animals, and just as well the beasts may think of heav'n or hell.

May we no more our pow'rs abuse, but ways of truth and goodness choose; our God is pleased when we improve His grace and seek his perfect love.

- Know This, That Every Soul Is Free- Text: Anon.    Music: Roger L. Miller

With my dear high school friend, I subjected her to a dissertation of the gospel's truthfulness and the error of her decision to leave the church.

With my sister, it was a long letter, followed up by countless passive-aggressive actions and words.

I improved when my best friend told me about his struggle with the church and his feelings of same-sex attraction, but not by much.  

The list I have built for treating others who are or choose differently than me is far too long for me to be proud of. But most of the time, I thought I was compassionate.  What is that saying about good intentions? I know that my actions have not always been the most Christ-like.

I have witnessed and heard about much worse behavior. Family disowning, aggression (active and passive), physical assaults, ghosting, interventions, etc. But just because some use their religion as a weapon in ways that far exceed what I have done does not atone me of my mistakes. My self-reflection reveals that I am more likely to treat others who I am casually aquatinted far better than those I am close to. It pricks my heart that is the case. The only silver lining is that it is because I care deeply for my friends and family. I know I need to do and be better. As a friend, as a loved one, as an example of Jesus Christ.

Remember, it is not about you This is one of the most challenging things to apply. When someone has different feelings, choices (or just are different), a metaphorical canyon may materialize.

Our faith, which may have brought us together or at least gave us commonality, may feel at risk. It is normal to feel abandoned or hurt, but don't let it linger because it isn't about you.  If we let this feeling continue, it can become as if that person who chooses another way has physically left us behind, but rarely does that happen unless we let it (or cause it).

And we do not need to shy away from our faith to love and support a friend. It can and should be as much of a part of who we are; in fact, our friend may look less upon us if we caved in our beliefs out of nowhere. Remember compassion

When my friend Kyle told me he was gay, my first two thoughts were simultaneous. One was, "yeah, I figured." And the second was a question to me. "Does this change the way you feel about him?" And the answer was a resounding, "No."

Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like "struggle." To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now—and to go on caring even through times that may bring us pain. -Fred Rogers

When my friend Kyle told me he was gay, my first two thoughts were simultaneous. One was, "yeah, I figured." And the second was a question to me. "Does this change the way you feel about him?" And the answer was a resounding, "No." It was only after his separation from the church and a culture that I was fully engaged in that I struggled to treat him well. There was a time when he felt that we were now so different that he didn't think we could continue as friends.

When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee? Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee? And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

-Mathew 25:38-40

If I had remembered the first thing I thought of when he "came out," he would never have felt that way.

Remember compassion. Let it drive all your interactions, especially when someone is going through a significant change or learning to accept who they are. Showing compassion and love for someone who does not share your beliefs, feelings, or lifestyle does not diminish what you know is true nor conflict with the standards you profess. In fact, in my opinion, it upholds them.

Remember to listen

 I have made the mistake that the person going through a faith crisis has made a hasty decision. That is rarely the case. Do you think you will give some fantastic points that your loved one has just not considered? I doubt it. Often, they have turned to the same tools they knew while in the church. They pray about it, search the scriptures, talk to others both in and out of the church, ponder it, and not decide one night to leave.

Listening is a very active awareness of the coming together of at least two lives. Listening, as far as I'm concerned, is certainly a prerequisite of love. One of the most essential ways of saying "I love you" is by being a receptive listener. -Fred Rogers 

So, turn off the preacher, and turn on the listener. Listening is not being quiet, waiting for the moment to make your point; it is an active endeavor to understand. It is a sign of love. Listening builds trust.

At baptism, we covenant to "mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:9). It does not conflict with the covenant to "to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in" (Mosiah 18:9). 

Listening is one of the prime ways to comfort others.

Remember the golden rule

 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them

-Matthew 7:22

 Sometimes people will come to different conclusions than we do.  We aren't the ones to changing their minds; that is not our job.  

For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

-3 Nephi 11:29

I heard a story about a teacher instructing novice teachers. He placed a cake at the front of the class. He asked if anyone would like a piece. When a student responded positively, he proceeded to reach into the cake with his fingers and grasp what was formerly a delightful and delicious treat, and threw it at the student.

We should never try to convince another to hide who they are.  We should always treat another's beliefs or decisions like we would like them to treat our beliefs or decisions. Remember the example of Christ As close as any man can get to, but not be my father, is my Uncle John, and I have always felt like we have an extraordinary relationship, and we do. In fact, through most of my life, I have believed I was his favorite. But as an adult, I have come to realize that I am not alone. Through his love and concern for others, my uncle John has developed very similar relationships with many others, each one I'm sure thinking that maybe they were his favorite. I am talking daughters, sons-in-law, nephews, nieces, grandkids, friends, and often strangers. My point in telling my Uncle John's story is that I never saw him step foot into a church outside of a wedding or funeral. And he was one of the strongest examples of Christ-like behavior I have ever known.

Do not discount or separate yourself from someone only because they are different. Choose to follow Christ's example, and care for them.

Caring comes from the Gothic word kara, which means "to lament." So caring is not what a powerful person gives to a weaker one. Caring is a matter of being there ... lamenting right along with the one who laments.

-Fred Rogers

Throughout my life, I have often thought of the simple question "What would Jesus do?" which is excellent advice. However, when dealing with someone who feels like a stranger, for more than a thousand individual reasons, we sometimes need further information to know what Jesus would do. And when we think we may know; we may feel that we fall short of His perfection.

Sometimes it is easier to look to someone who has put their life in order and chosen to follow Christ's example—allowing us to relate to someone who is also only mortal.

So first, seek that understanding through the spirit. Then, if you are still unsure, you can always ask yourself, "What would Mr. Rogers do?"

We do not do God’s work when we treat is children as strangers. Let us “change the world for the better, from the inside out, one person, one family, one neighborhood at a time.” (Gerritt W. Gong)

I have been asked to participate in a weekly podcast featuring active, temple recommend holding church members who also identify as LGBTQIA+.  I am, affectionately, the token straight guy. We do not challenge Church doctrine.  One of the fellows runs the BYU organization called "Color The Campus." Another is a Gay man who almost protested a temple groundbreaking before he was led to the church. ( he wrote a book called "Is He Nuts?: Why a Gay Man Would Become a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ")

I believe this is a critical group of which to be apart. I do not have the answers to some of the questions that arise from our discussions.  But I hope to come to the table with as much compassion as I can muster.

Click here for a link to my new podcast, Strangers No More