#that's why I'm trying to pimp this on tumblr ok

[beigeshiba]

A conversation with my intrusive thoughts

Why didn't you go back to Twitter?

Multiple reasons rather than any short, single reason.

I go through these phases of phases of having a lot to say and phases of running out of things to say and deciding it would be a good idea for me to shut the fuck up and listen for a while. Around about when I got banned from Twitter, I felt like I had been repeating myself and running out of things to say and that it would only be a matter of time before people figured that out.

When I got suspended from Twitter, it came as a relief. The decision had been made for me and I could simply accept it, so I did.

I avoid trying to reenter places where it's been made clear that I am unwelcome. Even though the internet is a husk of its former self, it's still big enough that trying to get back into a site you've been kicked out of is a sign of unhealthy obsession.

Speaking of which, whoever finally suspended my account was so pissed off by me they nuked me from orbit. I wasn't suspended for TOS violation or hate speech or any of that stuff. They brought out the big guns: Platform manipulation.

I have never run alt accounts, tried to evade a ban or suspension or bought engagement, never needed to. Still, this meant I had to apply for a review to my suspension about half a dozen times to actually get a response and only recently, did I finally get a response. Yup, they're keeping the suspension permanent for TOS violations. Anyone surprised by that? I'm not. I was really just doing it to show that I tried and hadn't just given up on people.

What have you been up to since?

Mostly, getting my shit together IRL.

I've left behind a lot of things that were negative influences in my life: Melbourne, Victoria and the IT industry in particular.

I moved towards something more positive, a girl I met on Twitter and formed a relationship with kicked off initially by running a D&D campaign and then just talking a lot about religion and spirituality in DMs between sessions. She's currently being initiated into the Roman Church (she was brought up Wiccan, hasn't been baptised yet) and we're planning on getting married later this year.

OK but why are you on Tumblr, of all places?

Because the most obvious place that all the edgy dissident bois are going is Substack, which just makes it a big, tempting target the next time the Empire feels like swinging its dick around.

Meanwhile, nobody gives a fuck about Tumblr any more. The place is less moderated than 4chan and ever since the ban on pornographic content, the most toxic part of the userbase collectively fucked off to Twitter, because it was the next most lax social media platform for pornography. Sure, they'll make lots of bratty bottom noises about Elon letting a lot of people back onto Twitter whom they don't like, but frankly so long as that bunch of coomers can still share nudes, the place could turn into a carbon copy of /pol and they'd still show up. Addiction makes people do some pretty fucked up things.

Why were you away for so long?

For most of it, I simply felt I had nothing new to say, that was worth saying.

Now that I do feel like I have things to say, I'm rather worried that a lot of people who liked my content back on Twitter, aren't going to like the things I have to say now, because I've changed a fair bit.

I'm not going to pull any of that "I've grown up and become a better person" nonsense, because that's bullshit. I'm still a sinner in the eyes of God just as much now as I was back then. People just change as time goes on and that's as true for me as it is anyone else.

Some of the things I went through changed me a lot. The cyberpunk dystopian nightmare that was Melbourne's lockdowns and mandates radicalised me intensely against capitalism. Seeing the extent to which my government was nothing more than a service provider for the most wealthy, eagerly pimping everyone out to the highest bidder for such a tiny slice of the profits forcefully extracted, was a real eye opener. I'm never going to unsee the reality that this world I live in isn't my world, I just live in it for as long as the wealthy can profitably extract something they value from me.

For a lot of people in the dissident right, the idea that capitalism isn't their friend is a bitter pill they're just never going to be ready to swallow. They'll simp for vampire corpos to the bitter end because they've internalised that idea that every alternative to the status quo leads to mass death. I always knew that expressing that opinion was going to piss a lot of people off and have them grumbling that I've "gone commie" and frankly I didn't feel like disappointing people with that and dealing with the results of that disappointment.

I've never tried to hide the fact that I have read Marx and do find some of his ideas useful, in particular his conception of the dynamics of class struggle and particularly the concept of alienation. The fact that Marx's critique of alienation has been almost entirely abandoned by the contemporary left in favour of trying to defictionalise Ian M Banks "Culture" novels is one of my biggest disappointments with that part of the political spectrum.

Also, I don't think I'm ever going to vibe with people who think that "Dialectical Materialism" is anything other than the two stupidest ideas known to mankind doing a Dragonball Z Fusion Dance.

At the same time though, I fail to see how setting up a totalitarian state with even greater concentration of capital than we already have now, without any safeguards against abuse of power, is going to improve the lives of the common man. Because that's what the manifesto more or less proposes as a solution and while Marxism has moved on from a lot of things from the original material, it's clung to that vision laid out in the manifesto like a barnacle.

Why are you back now?

Well, I have things to talk about now, other than myself. I just wanted to get that out of the way for the sake of those who were curious.

What I have been getting into, during my extended absence, is studying the Western Esoteric Tradition in depth.

I am sure this concerns some. Just to make things clear: I am still Roman Catholic, quite orthodox in my beliefs and I am staying the hell away from sorcery and gnosticism. A lot of what I am studying frankly was pretty mainstream folk Christianity back in the Renaissance.

This said, it's been very healing for me in a lot of ways. It has helped cure me of the despair I had that ideology was a completely impotent force for improving our earthy lives. I still believe that to be the case, I've just learned to accept this without despair.

In particular, it's helped me to re-engage with the world from an enchanted perspective again, to see the world as a beautiful place full of non-human living beings. It's quite the improvement over seeing the taint of human sin ruining everything and letting it fill me with hate.

It's been odd, taking the teachings and wisdoms of Druids and Shamans and Taoists and using it to help bring me closer to God. Still, that's how it's turned out. And I feel like these understandings I have come to as a result of all this study are things that I have an obligation to share with people.

Because unlike all the piss and vinegar I was venting out with my political hot takes on Twitter, this might actually improve people's lives in some way instead of just being some sound and fury which recognised the pain other people were feeling.

[weebsinstash]

Where can we see Valentino, I've watched the pilot and he wasn't there? :"

Unfortunately he was in the pilot during Charlie's opening song, but only for a few seconds :(

the way I actually learned more about him and his personality was through his tag on tumblr where people were sharing posts from his official Instagram account which unfortunately is empty because he got previously banned for being. Well. A misogynist. He acted too in-character and apparently people reported the account for abuse, which honestly sucks because there was like, A LOT there?

I can try and round up some posts about his general disposition and shit though! I actually put a decent amount of posts together because it was fun for me to dig through them all again. It's good character reference

Val makes Angel run small errands for him like shopping and ALSO look at Angel's wrist and sleeve. that is very clearly some sort of mini replica of Val's signature jacket so, Val apparently sends Angel out visibly marked as his property. Also in the comments Val is threatening him to hurry back to not miss another porn shoot so, controlling dickhead sent him out on an errand and then basically has a stopwatch out timing him. Why send him on the errand if Angel had a shoot scheduled anyways? I feel like it's just something to belittle him

He also makes Angel hang out with him (because unless Angel is dressed for some really weird porno, that looks like a really cute outfit almost like for a date?)

(domestic violence tw) here's some stuff about Val being openly physically abusive to Vox, feeling so unashamed that he posts about it and is openly all "it was your fault you made me do it" and also him getting dragged by stolas because, king

Despite being so abusive he DOES consider Vox his boyfriend

But they apparently break up and get back together a lot

Not from Valentino's account but, apparently despite being a moth Valentino's fluff is apparently part of his jacket and I'm fucking devastated and will just keep pretending he's silky and fluffy while I live in blissful ignorance

part of him being banned and being dramatic about a temporary break up with Vox (including Dia and Summer!)

He sent this to Angel in a ribbon wrapped gift box after AD made a post about eating a donut Cherri gave him and Valentino responded "watch your weight". I could dissect how much of a dick move it is to send such a condescending gift in such a fancy box, Val's twisted psychology of deliberately getting Angel's hopes up to spit in his face, but--

Him being dramatic and attention seeking after his break up (and he killed queef shortly thereafter). Also a good example of how Val is occasionally gender nonconforming and fluctuates from masculine to feminine, peep at the big silky robe and how he's got it hiked up to show he's wearing thigh garters. Slut.

Despite the public image he attempts to maintain he's kind of a fucking dweeb sometimes and apparently either a messy eater or just lowkey lowers down his pimp facade and goofs off when he's with his friends

He thinks Sir Pentious is cringe and bumps into him sometimes, though I feel like it's implied that Pentious is such a fanboy that he tracks them down and "bumps into them" on purpose

Ok, this one took me a second to understand im context. Do you know those videos about cakes that can look like super realistic objects? Apparently Val takes Velvet out and plays a game where he has her, maybe even both of them together, STAB people to "see if they're cake". Is it just random people or does Val have her take down deliberate targets for his own needs? Who fucking knows but it's fucked up????

I don't have the link to the post specifically but it's been implied or stated through one of the Instagrams or livestreams that Valentino, Vox, and Velvet all chose their names, which I think is 1) found family and 2) them leaving their pasts behind. I think they all probably had really fucked up pasts and bonded somehow and then became The Three 3 Triumphate or whatever they call themselves. But then again they're all from different time periods so I assume they all met in Hell? I dunno don't listen to me

Anyways I would highly recommend checking out that Instagram archive account in some of the links above because it seems to be pretty thorough and has all the characters on it. I just may start doing some digging through it myself 👁👁

[weebsinstash]

I’m new to this blog a bit but I came across this blog from your Valentino x readers, idk if anyone has asked u this and I’m sorry if they did 😅 but do u plan on continuing them or any other Val x reader fic?

Honestly I've been having tons of ideas for him and other things I want to write, it's just become a big, motivation and depression issue. I keep having days and weekends off where I just sleep or smoke and do nothing and then I have anxiety that I didn't get anything accomplished and it's become a negative loop of "do nothing bc im stressed or unmotivated>feel bad for doing nothing>do nothing bc I feed bad about doing nothing>wash rinse repeat>live in constant disappointment and self hatred"

Honestly I've been trying to encourage the mindset of "dont force it! You aren't obligated! You're ok to take it easy" but I actually think I've been taking it easy for so long its just becoming easier to. Not write at all, so, im thinking it might actually do some good if I DID try to sit down and force it on my next day off. Just to get the ball rolling a little more

But uh... I still feel really stressed and messed up over stuff that's happened to my sister and unfortunately a lot of the ideas involving Valentino usually have to deal with.... you know, being taken advantage of while under a substance or things that are similar enough to her story i just. Feel bad.

But anyways I gotta tell myself what happened to her is none of my responsibility and honestly she even weaponized it to make me feel horrible so, I dunno, maybe I've recognized thst the entire reason she even told me came from a manipulative mindset and I'm coming to terms with... enjoying my own stuff again, if that makes sense. Kinda had to absolve myself of the guilt, even though it has nothing to do with me

Kinda everything above has to do with me writing in general but anyways, to get back to like, this big fluffy asshole specifically

99% of why I haven't written more for him is that I feel like I have to do more research to get his character down, and specifically? His manner of speech, since I found out a lot of fics I want to write usually deal with him making a lot of threats and being very dialogue heavy. He's only verbally spoken in the Angel Dust comic, and his Instagram can only be found through archived tumblr posts (because antis reported the account for misogyny, because that's the level of nuance and understanding adults have on the internet now I guess) and like, what if that's not reflective of his personality, what if that's just his online persona. What if I create some sort of weird cringe offshoot that isn't very canon correct.

Like. From my perspective Val is usually very, sassy and flamboyant in a very "fuck you, im being myself, im the boss, eat my shit, fuck with me and I'll cut you" kind of way, but he's also basically a mafioso and deals with drug deals and the mob and shit like that and can obviously be very threatening and serious. So I guess it's finding that balance? Like what's the ratio of Mean Pimp vs Sassy GNC partying slut, kwim. I guess that's an idea in of itself I keep having for a Reader x Val fic; Reader having so much fun partying and indulging in the worst parts of themselves with Val that they forget who he is and where they are until some sort of horrible epiphany or consequence is staring you right in the face

Like. Im definitely reading too much into it. Its 100% I dont want to write something and then the show comes out and my stuff seems like, cringe. I mean, even more cringe than me writing yandere content in general but 😅

TLDR: yes, I have a lot of ideas, im just an easily embarrassed little cringey baby who's reading too much into it and wants it to be enjoyable but accurate and im also having motivation issues