#thatll be fine as well
Text
one of my coworkers was like i haven't seen you smile in two days kendy are you alright and i was like damn....am i alright.....
#i can't even go a full hour without smiling about something but TWO DAYS#girl are u okay#tbh im fine im just tired i haven't slept well in like a week bc of the shit with my ear and now that i'm feeling better i still can't slee#the issue is that i need to be f***ed until i pass out and can't think anymore but i'll just take a trazadone tonight thatll work too
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
I was just listening to a song I used to love while we were friends. I listened to it so often, we talked so often, it became the background music to our relationship.
I'm listening to it while I knit. I often forget that I started knitting because of you. I remembered tonight. It's strange, I never knitted anything for you. I've knitted for other loved ones, rarely for myself, but never for you. I remembered you showing me the amazing things you made, and I wished I could get to that level of skill. But at that time, you had to explain to me how to purl because I couldn't get it.
Everything reminds me of you in a terrible way. Everything I do is an echo of you. I started painting so that I could paint for you. I started knitting to bond with you. I hear your voice in the music I listen to. You're haunting the things that I love. Will I ever make a brush stroke or stitch without you on my mind?
#i should be able to block all music i listened to on Spotify from 2018-2020. i was not doing well and i dont need the reminders pls#im fine this was just kinda reflective#so much of what i do was inspired by her. i havent spoken to her in three years. we havent been friends for five#but my first painting was a gift to her. i started knitting because she knitted. i got so much music from her#we bonded heavily over music. and i used it to cope after she left. so unfortunately shes mixed into so much of it#she got me into dnd which got me into a different ttrpg im playing now (unknown armies)#shes a big reason i applied to the summer camp i worked at for six years#and a big reason i took the position i had the last two years. and the reason i told our camp legend (long story)#she was in my christmas in july gift i gave and received this year#i dont think ill ever be able to forget her. on good nights thats a good thing. its reassuring. she'll always be with me#but on bad nights. i feel like im never going to stop missing her#i was knitting tonight while listening to music. as the post suggests. and i was just overcome with her#this is the bed i was in when she called and left me. this is the bedroom we used to video call to practice sign language in#oh theres another one. i was going to be an asl interpreter. years ago in another life. i always practiced with her#we're both autistic and asl is easier than speaking a lot of the time#fuck. it reminds me of the ship of theseus. its 2:30am so i wont be able to explain well but#no actually i tried and i cannot explain. youll just have to understand. some days i wish i ciuld replace all the parts that were her#and sometimes im so afraid to lose the parts that were her because thatll feel like losing her#if i ever consciously decided to stop knitting (which i may have to do soon) it will feel like im replacing a board that was hers#how many of my boards are hers? are any of hers mine anymore? how many of hers can i lose before shes gone?#that last one was asked with fear and hope. and fear. depending on the day#god im tired. goodnight
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
You think if I thought about wxs mrs. pumpkin's comical dream enough it'll become a reality?
#prince's talk tag#we have one (1) Halloween song like one thats ACTUALLY about Halloween. may we please get another?#and make a 3dmv so i have a reason yo use the Halloween outfits you keep giving us each year#sure if you're gonna do vs only i guess thats fine but i really want a 3dmv and theres a better chance of that if a group covers it#my first pick is wonderlands bc ofc it is but ill take niigo as well if you dont wanna give it to them#please please please im begging#i get its a hachi song and maybe thatll be harder to get maybe? we only have two songs by him#but still itll be great#if its a no to all hachi songs from now on can i get trick and treat instead? i miss that song#i feel thatll be vs only but for that one ill take it bc id rather have saki and tsukasa cover it#but colorpale sucks and wont let crossovers happen unless its a special occasion#edit: WAIT NO WE HAVE THREE i forgot he made donut hole
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gonna catch up my blog this/next week fr 👏
#the problem is i keep waiting for like 48 straight hours to fuck off and rant about things i like as i tag#and believe it or not that just doesnt come up 🤷♀️#so bit by bit thatll be my treat now that im doing more schoolwork and the family has less day to day plans :3#i am working on art/writing requests too 👍 i havent forgotten im just slow lol#now back to work for now 😤👍#i hope everyone's doing well on this fine tuesday <3#rose rambles
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
im so fogbrain today. and I have to go back to work tomorrowwwww which sucks
#pugh#i need money work will be fine and good#im still hoping well be off friday cus i do NOT feel all healed yet#i was sitting Upright for 15 min and feel Nauseous <3#so that bodes well <3<3#if i throw up at work ill get sent home and it shouldnt get me a point so maybe thatll happen#i hope not cus they'll probably send me back to the uc and like. I'm just sick babes ik i have covid.#the uc will just say 'yep still sick' after i sit there for 2 hrs#anyway if we're off friday i womt even complain#shh ac
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
getting into fountain pens has only curbed my desire to buy writing instruments very slightly, at the expense of desiring pricier and pricier writing instruments
#a lot of the really popular expensive ones going into the several hundred dollars territory look way too corpo businessman for me#but ive been salivating over the benu briolette in storm for months now its so beautifullll#but if i want it in a fine nib looks like ill have to order it in directly from yerevan armenia#and at that point i may as well get the pen holder too goddamn it and thatll run me over $200 with shipping#fountain pens#i did recently get a cute one with a big acrylic rabbit head shape at the end of it for like $6 at yoyoso?#its really good actually but not my style for carrying yk
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Good evening girls. Made an absolute fool of myself @ the sams club today
#basically I was like let me go get snacks for the salon since my mom added me to her membership and I haven't really utilized it yet#got my snacks. was like okay let me get a slice of pizza! thatll be good#order my pizza. they tell me it'll be a 12 minute wait. I say that's fine!! and decide to put my snacks in the car while I wait#get out to my car. get all the snacks in. have one case of dr pepper left. haul it up.#one can fucking explodes and covers my light pink skirt in dr pepper viscera and gore#I now look like I've pissed myself#aight. well I already paid for my pizza so I gotta go back...#clean up as much as two napkins allow me to and head back in#ofc nobody cares but it feels like people are looking. whatever. so what if I pissed myself. grow up.#go to fill up my cup w dr pepper (despite the betrayal). no dr pepper.#dear god why. okay. uhhhhh starry???? i guess!!#take a sip. it tastes like shit. oh well. theyre calling my name now#go pick up my pizza. the cheese is nice and melty and it smells good. :) okay. life is still good!#halfway back to the exit I'm balancing my plate on my arm and and I'm holding the cup claw machine-style#the lid snaps off the fucking cup and it spills a good 1/2 cup (cooking measurements) onto the floor#oh my god why. why why why why why.#okay. we can fix this. it's not a ton. put my cup on table and do a cute little walk of shame back to the napkins#get like 50 napkins and do my goddamn best to clean up my mess. goes fine. okay. time to get the fuck outta here before I do something worse#back at my car. open door. holding cup like normal now. lid pops off again and spills all over my skirt a second time.#why the fuck is this happening to me.#out of rage I put my pizza in the car and dump the rest of the cup out on the pavement. tasted like shit anyways#lady in car next to me watches the whole thing.#yeah you're witnessing mental illness bitch. enjoy.#lost my appetite. pizza is good but I don't even want it now
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
How has your week been going?
It's been going really well thank you! 😁❤️ I had two concerts this week both of my fave bands so that was v fun!!
#just some weird things here and there#someone I kinda knew died this week she was 13 years old :(#and some boundary setting issues im working on but thatll be fine ✨#and my mom had surgery but that went well 💕#eventful week 👺
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
finally getting to play Aria and im like "hehe >:3" and remembers im also very bad at video games
#well like the best i can get at a videogame is mediocre so like thatll be fine#im just excited to experiment with the souls
1 note
·
View note
Text
wah..... corps birthday blast in two days..... am i ready for a number that doesnt really mean a lot to change
#well i am. its fine but. ugh#going over to my dad on my birthday this saturday to start the brewing of our amazing glögg though! :)#thatll be a fun way of spending my birthday#ive never been a fan of big celebrations i prefer my fika with family and just hanging out and taking it easy#still it feels weird idk. 23. wah#been almost 5 years since i graduated high school with my best friend#been over 10 years since i first joined my friends sailing#over 4 years ago i moved to another city on my own to take my first university course in my life#and then i moved back and soon ive finished my 3 year programme of cultural heritage and archaeology#time and space man. you know#thinking about life today!!! its good. but im feeling a little bit weird and thats ok#well. gonna stop rambling now#NO ONE MORE THING i share my birthday with bob ross so FUCK YEAH#corp.krax
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
how is it that i can feel nostalgic about the time i was sitting on the pavement under an overpass in a foreign country crying because something didnt go my way and gave me a bit of a largish bill but clearly really cause there must be something wrong with me
#this post started out being about nostalgia being for the past not just fun stuff but then it turned into what the fuck is wrong with me#nah like i dont actually cry in public or anything#there was no one around and i had my hood up#also when its strangers in a foreign country youll never ser again who dont notice your existence that princippal becomes less important#and yes it wasnt actually that much of a big deal im just stingey and think it was unreasonable and it wasnt my fault#only it actually sort of was if id actually bothered to use google and translate or actually ask someone and if id been less stingey in#the first place there wouldnt have been a misunderstanding and i wouldnt have got in trouble#but yes the point is the fact that i was cyring about it was a total overreaction and completely pathetic#even though cyring in privates like actually fine and this was basically private its still pathetic#i can say it was general stresses or whatever i guess which is probably true i dont know why else id do it#except that im a stupid pathetic self pitying loser thatll jump on any chance to feel sorry for myself#i suppose since i dont have much of a life i never feel emotions much any more cause theres nothing happening to make me feel them#so considering that it does make more sense and doesnt sound so bad#well whatever reason in general i dont think its a normal or balanced reaction#but thats how it works isnt it lots of small things build up and you ignore them but eventually something tips you over the edge#and i get pissed off or very very occassionally might cry about it#maybe it isnt even that unbalanced when i put it like that#or maybe im just justifying it cause i cant admit i really am that pathetic#but anyway the nostalgias more fun to think about#even though it was only a few months or so ago#maybe its cause i feel like i have to grasp onto any past i have at all to show i have an existence so i feel like i have an identity#or whatever im too tired its like 2am#am i actually going to post this#i shouldnt#not that being pathetic on the internet where theres such a minute chance some random stranger might see it makes any difference
0 notes
Text
Went to bed at 11:30, finally fixing my sleep schedule (which Ive been trying to do all week). Wake up at 5am to use the bathroom. Can't fall back asleep so stay up for a little bit. Decide to take a nap at 9am.
Woke up at 4:15pm to the sound of my roommate coming home from work.
#WHATEVER. GO MY SCARAB. ITS FINE.#aughhhhh I wish I didnt fuck up my sleep schedule every weekend bc I feel shitty at work during the week#but i naturally function better at night so its hard for me to stay on a “normal” schedule#silver lining is that my roommate doesnt care and gets on weird sleep schedules like I do#so its not like living with my parents where id get very judgemental treatment and lectures about it#so it goes I guess. but roommate has said since im going to be up all night we might as well go out so thatll be fun#cal.txt
1 note
·
View note
Text
.
#dont wamms b wrong but also am ok w being wrong#i jus . its a small oart of me thatll crack ths shits and provsbly crack me a little . if i have to go the route j rlly dont want to go#n its FINE . bc . well . eh but im rlly fucking hopijg . all ofntgis hasnt been for nothing n that all my arguing n demanding#oc the universe n my outburst havdnt been for Nothing (in ghis regard) bc thatll Suck . esp now.#btw. i can make eye contact w this fucker now . how n when i dont knwo. but its . a Weird Exoerience bc its like#oh. FUCK. fuck. fuck.#intresting night i cannot recap it again rn but.#indeoth probsbky tmr bc holy ficking Mhydnidfjdj#i am.fucmijg doomed no matter what (no in the sense that)#like . but i dont tbink it will be .#i yhink . itll take a while . i dont think this is gonna b what i want Immediately . but like#i keep . thinking qbt all of this n just dawg how am i dealinf w all of this internally#n feeling what i do intuitively (or sorts) n feel absolutwly crazy As Well .#anyway i gotta Shut Up Now sorry
0 notes
Text
didn't even get to do my ironing :-(
#tw self harm#i was looking forward to it.. i usually find it calming n a nice way to end a weekend#but kept having thoughts abt intentionally burning myself or hitting myself with the iron so im leaving it for another day#its fine if my clothes are a bit crumpled at work anyway. i think i have some extra stuff i ironed i didnt wear last week too#im safe btw its fine ive been using ice + gentle pressure on my skin to take the edge off (i keep my nails too short to scratch dw)#if i did have to cut it wouldnt be ideal but its a neutral act i try not to judge it. but ik its less safe + i dont want it to become#a habit again bc i already let myself do it last weekend and im still a bit frustrated abt it bc id been managing so well#and it was the first time since january. and before then i hadnt since august which is a really big deal for me!#bc last year + year before i was really struggling with reliance on it. i had months where i was doing it daily or every other day#and its hardest to stop when its habitual. once on occasion is much more manageable so lets keep it that way#one day itll be the last time i ever do it and ill be clean the rest of my life but i dont think im near that yet#it feels kind of uncomfortable to type this out but i want to stop keeping my thoughts on s/h in my head bc i get weird abt it#and the last thing i need right now is to get weird abt harming urges again. and i dont think my friends are safe to talk to abt it#so talking on here is the closest thing i have to being open abt it. im tired of it being so stigmatised#ultimately its just a coping mechanism. even if it can be unsafe but like drinking or smoking or whatever to feel better is no safer so#but still i dont want to encourage it. anyway#at least ive calmed down a bit now. and i finished some admin i was putting off earlier#and now i need to sleep bc work tomorrow. just glad the weekend is over its so much easier to cope on work days#just the structure and distraction of it innit. we'll get through this week#and im back on the more stable dose again for meds this week as well so hopefully thatll help#and i think my periods due which has probably been tipping these mood swings over into intolerable#so hopefully thatll start tomorrow or tues and the hormonal shit will recede 🙏#all good. okay im gonna meditate a little and then sleep goodnight 😴#.diaries
0 notes
Text
this got away from me
#i wish i was a rich pretty guy or something but instead im a regular looking regular guy with parents that earn regular money#i was born to be one of those annoying bratty rich kids who dont work ever. that should be me#or something. i complain about work constantly but guys i do not want to go to school. i dont. i dont. i dont i dont. i dont i dont and i#dont know what to do about it. its spring. ive got like a month to figure out how im getting out of this#im not doing this i cannot do this. i cant i cant i cant. im so stressed i can tell im so stressed bc im getting acne and my eczema is awfu#its only a matter of time before i break out in hives or some shit i cant do it i cant do it. i cant. i cant#god everything is really getting to me. i cant i dont have a place here i dont i have no purpose in life and everyone just wants me to act#like. thats not true bc um. well! haha what are you gonna do! haha its fine. keep moving forward. ignore your anxiety and the fact that#everything makes you miserable constantly. and even the things that make you happy make you miserable. ignore that#go to college. normal ppl go to college :) no you want to sleep all day because youre not doing anything. which is a personal failure.#you should instead do something that makes you miserable. thatll fix it. dont kill yourself thats stupid. you have so much to live for! lik#um. well youre supposed to live. so. ignore yknow everything in the world and push forward. bc it will get better! once um.#um. yknow. you graduate in 8 years? be a dentist…. um bc. you like teeth. and it makes money. and well you need the money! youre going to#college!!!! you need that money to pay for it after all. dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it#its okay we’ll do everything we can to make it cheaper. to do the thing you dont want to do at all even a little bit. no dont kill yourself#you have so much to live for! a career in something youve never been interested in! or yknow a different career youre not interested in#i dont want to kill myself!!! i dont want to kill myself i want something to fucking live for!!!!!! a want a life that doesnt make me feel#like i have to kill myself!!!!!!!!!!#simons spouting#vent :(#suicide //
0 notes
Text
.
#ive decided to give myself until 30 and if things are the same im giving myself permission to give up#might be earlier but i can be a little bit optimistic right?#nights like tonight make me want to rethink my timeline though#5 more years of this? not sure if i'll be able to do it ngl#im so sick of putting on an act and convincing people i interact with that everything is fine#when im just thinking about how it would feel to take my box cutter to my neck instead of my wrist#i actually did the other night#no pressure but just to see if it would make me rethink things#it didnt#i still think about it#it feels like because i have good days and good weeks that the bad ones are fake#or they're less worthy or something? like because sometimes i feel ok the times when i cant do it are just overreactions#one of these days im going to overreact to something and thatll be it#tw sui ideation#nobody reads this shit anyway but might as well#have to go into town to work with my team tomorrow and i'll have to pretend to be ok all day#its fucking exhausting#im not even good at my job but if i get fired im jumping off a roof#god i just want a hug#ignore me its fine
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
detectivethinman
Detective Thin Man
destroyingangela
angela……
jatavrajup
भीम आर्मी विजेंद्र सिंह
deshraj
Untitled
des-ruc
???