#the art side of my brain wants me to draw but i always overcomplicate things when i try to draw humans so that'd turn out. interesting

[transingthoseformers]

On your SG (Bayverse?) self-rbs;

Now i'm seeing a human protagonist who's also initially scared of the Decepticons, but ends up with one (accidental kidnapping?), maybe there's a language barrier, the Decepticon is very nice and tries to protect the human, and the human witnesses Autobot brutality (ex. murdering some POW?) firsthand.

Maybe they eventually get to a Decepticon base, where they have hatchlings they're struggling to feed.

Ooooo ok ok that'd be so fascinating

So very fascinating!

Accidental kidnapping does? Seem to be the most likely scenario here??

Somehow I see Barricade as our first introduced decepticon here

My preciouses, the bayverse hatchlings🥰

[audiovisualrecall]

A problem is that i feel good just being by myself or with family, but i also feel like i should be or need more than that, like i cant be an actual adult or actually mentally ok if i dont go places or do things on my own, comfortably, if i dont really talk to people other than the people i live with, if i dont talk to my friends (do they still consider me their friend?), if i dont reply to this email and get the job. Im afraid i'll never be able to get and keep a good job, that i wont have any friends i spend time with, that i'll be completely on my own eventually and unable to reconnect or reach out because i left it too long. But guilt is both the main motivator for and the main roadblock before me when it comes to reaching out to friends. If i do i have to keep up my side of the communication and historically i fail at it because executive dysfunction, mostly. And i dont know how i feel about any of those relationships. And there's just a lot going on right now, i dont have the spoons for stuff like keeping up my half of a friendship and it feels wrong to try when im just gonna fall back into this...spoonless situation all over again. And i feel like trying to reach out to other friends or make new ones is a wrong like a betrayal bc that energy should go to this friendship. And i want to get this job but low spoons and executive dysfunction, and i still havent heard back from my rbb writer and im concerned but cant seem to get myself to email the mods any more than i can get myself to email my possible future boss about which of the days they need someone i can work. And steph is like pms times 1000 because of stuff going on rn but shes taking it out on ma same as always and ma is having her own mental health stuff and we're doing the bathroom reno before steph starts chemo next week, i keep trying to find ways to make money as an artist and then feeling like im bad at advertising and i overcomplicate things and that my art isn't good enough (and partly i want to blame that on this time when i was like 14 or something and had the idea to sell cat drawings for $5 and they werent half bad, and this one lady acted like wanting $5 for one was laughably absurd and that they were maybe worth $1... it's possible that got in my brain a bit...) and even though im selling things, some stuff i was excited about and thought of as great ideas and things that would be popular....just arent. It feels like i dont know how to do the etsy thing right, maybe, but more like im just bad at this and everything. And i like being alone but im also lonely and aware i need to have friends and interact with people and go places and do things. And i just realized yesterday was the life drawing session at fth for this month and i missed it, which like okay i went to a stoneyard and met a cool lady and picked out a countertop and brought home a bunch of pieces of stone for my collection, so it wasnt a bad day at all, but it means waiting till april to go to the life drawing thing and remembering it and making myself go..yeah. idk just. Im comfy lying in bed at 10am with edison curled up next to my legs and home alone, but i need more and that seems so difficult and impossible to achieve and i want to be able to just be on my own not doing anything, without it taking away time or anything else from life. Idk.