#the desperation to understand what he lost and he's a little bit bitter and snotty and its so ALIEN that kind of cruelty

[lepidopteragirl]

this is honq this this this is honq this is the vision

[fruitcoops]

part 2 to the disownment fic pretty please

Here we go, folks. Grab some tissues and some water if you think you’ll need it. This is the first fic I’ve almost cried while writing (it has a happy ending, though, bc of course it does). Coops credit goes to @lumosinlove! Haz, I’m so sorry for putting your boy through this.

Part 1

TW for disownment, grief, vague mention of past abuse, and truly terrible parenting

The house was terribly quiet, save for the rustle of paperwork as Sirius set it down. Next to him, Hattie whined, and he gently put his hand on top of her head.

“Are you okay?” Remus asked, folding his legs in tighter. Sirius stayed silent across from him. “I’m sorry I didn’t take them that night she came to the house—”

“Don’t be.” Sirius cleared his throat. “Don’t—don’t be sorry for that. I’m glad you stood up to her.”

“Are you okay?” Remus asked again, quieter.

“Not really. I kind of knew this was coming, but it still hurts.” A tear dripped down Sirius’ chin and he swiped it away with a bitter laugh. “This fucking sucks. I shouldn’t be this upset.”

“Sirius—”

“They hurt me. They hurt me so many times and I hate them.” The last words came out on a harsh breath and he bit his lip, staring at the floor. “They never wanted me, anyway.”

“Honey.” Remus barely raised his voice above a whisper.

“It’s true. I wasn’t anything more than a tool to them,” Sirius hiccupped around a clog in his throat. “This proves it, right? This stupid fucking paper proves that they never wanted me outside of perfect hockey. And I—and I couldn’t be perfect.”

He held his hand tight over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut as shuddering breaths rippled through his body; Remus stood and padded over to the couch, pressing their shoulders together until Sirius leaned into him with a heartbreaking sniffle. “It’s going to be alright, love,” he murmured, wrapping an arm around him and holding him close. “It’s going to be alright.”

“I hate them so much, but I just want them to want me.”

“I know.”

“I don’t understand.” Sirius wiped his eyes with his forearm, but it didn’t do much more than spread his tears around. “I don’t—why would they do this?”

A pang hit Remus’ heart and his comforting circles on Sirius’ arm stuttered. Because of me. “Because they’re terrible people who don’t appreciate everything wonderful that you are.”

“They are,” Sirius’ voice cracked and he curled tighter into Remus’ side. He looked so small, suddenly. “It’s not fair.”

Remus wound his other arm around him and kissed the top of his head. “It’s not.”

“It’s not fair!” he half-shouted, half-sobbed.

Hattie’s ears pricked up at his sudden volume and she glanced up at Remus; for a moment, he had never been more sure she was a human trapped in a dog’s body, and he nodded to her. She crawled up onto the cushion next to Sirius and gently nosed at his arm until he lifted it, then wiggled underneath so her head rested on his lap.

“I shouldn’t feel like this,” he croaked after a moment.

“Says who?”

“They never loved me and I knew that. It shouldn’t hurt this much.” A furious edge turned sharp in his voice. “I should be fucking celebrating, not sitting here crying over people that didn’t want me in the first place.”

“Don’t do that,” Remus said, running his fingers through the dark curls at the nape of his neck.

Sirius pulled away, sudden and harsh as he scrubbed away the mess on his face. “Don’t do what? Talk about my feelings? You don’t get it, Remus. You have a cookie cutter family and you have no idea what my life was like. You barely even know me.”

Remus kept his face passive and his tone even. He doesn’t mean that, he told himself, forcing the waves of hurt to roll right past. “Maybe not. But that doesn’t mean I can’t love you all the same.”

A sob caught in Sirius’ chest, then another in his throat, until he was breathing hard with the effort of keeping them down. Hattie sighed, and Remus reached for his hand. “Don’t touch me.”

“Okay.”

More tears tracked down Sirius’ cheeks as he tried to choke back the feelings and it took every iota of self-control in Remus’ body not to wipe them away. He saw the panic and desperation in Sirius’ quicksilver eyes; he saw the tremors in his body, heralds of the repression he had worked to overcome for years. “I don’t want to feel like this.” Sirius glanced down at Remus’ hands and tucked his own under his arms, shivering slightly. “Don’t touch me or I’ll cry. I don’t want to feel like this.”

“Baby, I don’t think you can stop it,” Remus said softly.

Sirius’ face crumpled and a small whine slipped out; Hattie’s eyes flickered to his face in clear concern. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Do you have any idea how hard it is to stop feeling things when you’re here?” He laced his fingers in his hair, covering his ears. “It’s like everything explodes, and I don’t want that to happen.”

Remus crossed his legs and faced Sirius fully, laying his hands palm-up on the couch cushions. “If you tell me to, I’ll leave. But I need to know you’re alright first.”

“Why do you care so fucking much?” he asked angrily.

“Because I love you.” It was easy to say. There was no hesitation, no catch, no ‘gotcha’ moment. The sky was blue, the grass was green, and I love you. Something fractured in Sirius’ expression.

“I didn’t mean what I said,” he gasped through fresh tears. “About—about your family. I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“And I’m so tired of shoving everything down.” His lower lip wobbled, and he squeezed his eyes shut. Remus burned with the need to shield him from everything that taught him to do that.

“Okay.”

“And I love you so much.” The fracture turned to a shatter and Sirius fell into Remus’ arms, clutching the back of his oversized sweater like a drowning man holding a raft. Remus held him just as tight, feeling a prickle in the corners of his eyes. “Fuck, it hurts.”

“It’s allowed to hurt,” Remus’ voice broke a little and he swallowed hard, burying his face in Sirius’ hair. “You’re allowed to feel things, Sirius.”

“Don’t let me go. Don’t you dare.”

Something fierce flamed in Remus’ chest. “I won’t.”

Sirius continued mumbling for a few minutes, but he was crying too hard and Remus’ sweater muffled the sound too much for him to understand anything. Eventually, the aching sobs became slow breaths and the occasional sniffle. Neither of them loosened their grip until Sirius scooted closer to tuck his face against Remus’ shoulder. “I don’t have parents anymore.”

“Who made our wedding cake?” Remus asked, drying the closest cheek with his sleeve. “Whose kids did you watch the other night, even though you had to sing Disney songs for three and a half hours and lost your voice? Who walked you down the aisle? Baby, you are so wanted. By them, by me, and by everyone else who loves you for exactly who you are.”

A few half-shivers rocked through him. “Dumo and Celeste have been better parents in seven years than they ever were.”

Remus pressed a light kiss to the shell of his ear. “Can I be really honest with you, baby?”

“Of course.”

“A flaming dumpster fire and a dead fish would’ve been better parents than the ones you grew up with.”

A startled snort escaped Sirius’ mouth, followed by a tumble of laughter that made him rest his forehead on Remus’ collarbone. “They would hate hearing that,” he said, almost gleefully.

“But it’s true.”

“It’s so true, mon dieu.” Sirius leaned back, smiling through the clear exhaustion on his face until Remus reached up and gently took it between his palms. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

Sirius closed his eyes and melted into the touch. “Being here.”

“That’s what I promised, right?” He tapped his left ring finger lightly against Sirius’ cheek. “You don’t deserve to hurt like this, and it’s not fair of them to do this to you, but I’ll be here as long as you want me.”

“I’m always going to want you.”

“Good, because I wasn’t planning on leaving anytime soon.” He guided Sirius closer until their foreheads touched and traced his temples with his thumbs. “Are you okay, baby?”

“No. But I think I will be, later.” His chest caved a little. “I’m sorry for getting angry with you.”

Remus lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I know you didn’t mean what you said, and I forgive you. For the record, though, I think I know you pretty well.”

A small smile lifted the side of Sirius’ mouth. “Better than anyone.”

A sudden thought struck Remus and he bit his lip. “Are you going to tell Regulus?”

“M—” He clenched his jaw for a moment. “Walburga said she’d call him.”

“Do you want to call him first?”

“That would give him time to think of some good insults,” Sirius mused. “I’m going to take a shower first, I think. I feel gross and snotty.”

“You’re gorgeous. Do you want company?”

Sirius blew out a slow breath. “Yeah, actually. That sounds nice. Can I have a kiss?”

His lips were a little salty from tears, but that didn’t stop Remus as he cradled his jaw and poured all the love he could muster into the kiss. His heartbeat pulsed in his ears and he slid his hands around to Sirius’ back, pulling him in for one more hug before they stood and headed upstairs, leaving the stark white papers far behind.

[dontasktheradiodemon]

I Love You (3/14/2021)

Buddy I don’t even need to summarize this thread, I can just tag it with tropes like it’s a fic, here watch me go: #angst #hurt/comfort #anguished declarations of love #tw depression #tw suicidal ideation

Immediate sequel to this thread but reading it is optional. Basically, it’s nearly impossible to spend very long in Hell without developing a guilt complex and fantasizing about whether it’d be better to stop being; Alastor and Telly @usedhearts open up to each other about theirs.

Frankly it’s a startling display of mutual emotional vulnerability and I’m proud of them both.

Sir Pentious

whenever he came back from that, what did he do

cause it said he went right to telly so 👀

Alastor

Initially? Probably just tracked him down in whatever he was currently doing and went “can I hold you”

Sorta, holding it together by a thread barely

Sir Pentious

telly probably noticed but just 'yes' and let him Hold Him no matter how grimy he was at the time

Alastor

And he’ll be content with that for about three minutes before that one thread starts fraying and he goes “... can you hold me”

Sir Pentious

thats all it takes for him to coil around alastor and hold him Tight

Alastor

Curls up tight in him and sobs on his shoulder.

Sir Pentious

telly just holds him TIGHTER

makes little comforting/soothing sounds

he doesnt know why he's upset but he will be there for him

Alastor

They’re just both gonna be grimy and that’s Fine.

Sir Pentious

so very grimy

they can take baths later

Alastor

When he’s finally capable of attempting coherent speech again the first thing he’s gonna get out is “I never, ever, ever want to leave you.”

Sir Pentious

telly just takes his face in one hand and cradles it so gently and just 'ok, alright, you don't have to.'

give him a kiss

forehead kiss bc he's probably snotty

Alastor

He’s definitely snotty. He’s full on ugly sobbing.

Sir Pentious

oh hes probably not smiling huh

i think thats probably the first time telly sees that

Alastor

NOPE, he lost that sometime while he was hiding in Telly’s shoulder.

First time Telly’s seen him with the mask off

Sir Pentious

god thats got him WORRIED and he just HUGS HIM AGAIN NICE AND TIGHT AND COILED

telly: ive got you. ive got you, im here, it's alright...

Alastor

He’s just gonna keep clinging as hard as he can, he got out One sentence and now he’s sobbing too hard to talk again.

It’s a lot of radio static and feedback noise

Sir Pentious

telly is just going to KEEP HOLDING HIM god himself couldnt pry this snake off this deer and would get bitten and injected with venom for trying

Alastor

He’ll gradually stop sobbing and the shaking will decrease to shivering

Sir Pentious

telly's just going to hold him through it all, pet his hair, massage at the base of his ears, everything he can do to soothe him

Alastor

Mumbles his gratitude and an apology for interrupting telly’s work

Sir Pentious

telly: no no don't apologize. i love you and i want to be here for you. my work will still be there. id much rather know that you're alright and have it be interrupted than you be upset or hurting and you not come to me for fear of interrupting me.

Alastor

Mumble mumble he could have handled it himself

Sir Pentious

telly: i don't _want_ you to have to handle it yourself. i'm here for you, alastor. i want you to know that you can come to me whenever you need me and i'll be here.

Alastor

Tries to say three different things but chokes on them all and just wheezes out another thanks.

Sir Pentious

he just gets a squeeze and a kiss to the nearest him surface

Alastor

He keeps holding on until he can get a small, tired smile fixed back on his face, and then he pulls back to say “Thanks” again.

Sir Pentious

he gets another forehead kiss and then telly gonna lead him to the bathroom and they are taking a BATH they are now both covered in grim AND snot

Alastor

You know, that’s fair. Bath time. Strips down to boxers, climbs in with Telly, and Clings again. ... and sorry about Telly’s clothes, he’ll clean them before the snot fossilizes

Sir Pentious

Those were his dirty work clothes, it's fine, the Eggs will wash them. But it is BATHTIME, and they are both getting a scrubbing. Moreso Telly than Alastor tho.

Alastor

... can Alastor get a scrubbing too

Sir Pentious

Absolutely!

A softer scrubbing than Telly gets

Alastor

He’s going all jelly-eyed again. It’s ok he’s fine.

Sir Pentious

He gets a nice wash cloth and a nice gently scented soap, and a boyfriend to hum to him as he kinda reverently cleans him.

Alastor

He gets self-conscious SO fast, he’s gonna hold his breath and slide under the water. It’s fine he’s fine

Sir Pentious

Telly just smiles and giggles bc that's cute, you're cute Alastor. Probably wraps his tail tip around Alastor's ankle to gently and playfully tug him thru the water.

Alastor

!!! Grabs Telly’s wrists to pull him down into the water.

Sir Pentious

Now they're both underwater!! Gonna tussle with a sea serpent in his natural element, huh, Alastor!! Play time, silly mode ACTIVATED

Alastor

GOOD he’s ready to wrestle. He’s trying not to laugh, he doesn’t want to inhale water.

Sir Pentious

Time to PLAY and WRASSLE!!

Tumbling and splashing and a big grinning snake!!

Alastor

Alastor’s got a surefire way to win this wrestling match! He’s gonna GRAPPLE THE SNAKE COMPLETELY. ... basically he’s just hugging him. Hi.

Sir Pentious

Grapple the snake and the snake grapples back. Now you're wrapped in a tail Alastor, and getting a mermaid kiss.

Alastor

Oh no, what shall he do. This definitely wasn’t his plan. Totally wasn’t. Not at all. Nope.

Sir Pentious

Kiss kiss fall in love, and he's rising up out of the water, because he wants that mouth OPEN for TONGUE.

Alastor

When they get out of the water, Alastor breaks the kiss—sorry, not going for tongue this time

Sir Pentious

Telly blinks and just brief pouting, but holds him close all the same. Kisses cheek instead.

Alastor

“Sorry. Just... tired.” Considering he sobbed about half the liquid out of his body earlier,

Sir Pentious

Wipes the wet hair off his forehead and then kisses it. "That's fine. Come on then, lets get out and dry off. Would you like a snack before bed?"

Alastor

“I need a drink. Not a drink-drink, just a drink. Fluids.”

Sir Pentious

"Of course. I'll get you some water, once we dry off."

Alastor

A nod. He’s still in a quiet mood.

Sir Pentious

Telly gonna carry him out of the bath and set him on a rug. Get towel and start drying him

Alastor gets dried first because Telly Must Care For Him.

Alastor

He puts up a token struggle against this but okay as long as he goes next.

Sir Pentious

He will. Alastor gets handed a Towel and offered his pick of head or tail.

Alastor

Head this time.

Sir Pentious

He Offers Himself on Alastor's drying alter.

Alastor

Alastor Shall Dry This Offering. And while he does he says hesitatingly, “You don’t have to ask if you don’t want to. But you can if you want.” Because it’s been weighing heavily on him as Really Fucking Weird that he just unloaded a hurricane on Telly’s nice jacket and at no point did Telly ask what that was all about

Sir Pentious

He considers it and shrugs a little. "That depends: Do you want to tell me, or would you rather not tonight?"

Alastor

He has to think about it a moment. “I think you should know.”

Sir Pentious

"Alright. Then tell me."

Alastor

Thinks about it; but then just keeps drying.

Sir Pentious

Telly just looks up at him and blinks. "Well?"

Alastor

Stops drying again. “You’re sure?” Listen, this is hard to share,

Sir Pentious

"Yes. If it had you that upset and you say that I _should_ know, then I would like to know."

Alastor

He shouldn’t have said that. He wraps the towel around Telly, hugs him, and sighs. Okay.

Sir Pentious

He's just going to lay there on the rug with Alastor, and the towel wrapped around him. And state with his big ole eyes.

Alastor

No... Not the big ole eyes... That makes this harder. He’s gotta look away. “I... don’t want to be... here.” YEAH ALASTOR GREAT START, SUPER CLEAR, RADIO HOST OF THE YEAR

Sir Pentious

A very confused furrowed brow. "Meaning what?"

Alastor

“In Hell. In—existence.” He swallows hard. “Hell wears you down. It—rubs your soul raw. It sandpapers you off a bit at a time. And I’m—I’m tired.”

Sir Pentious

A soft, concerned look and a hand cupping his face. "Oh, love...I can understand that feeling. I'm...I'm tired too. It is very tiring. Before I met Hel, I'd been close to giving up entirely. And then before I met you, I'd been ready to check myself into that hotel, just to see if it was possible. Something to change the tedium...."

Alastor

“I spend so much of my time going on walks. I don’t have anything else to do but go on walks.” He covers Telly’s hand with his own so he can press into it and shuts his eyes. “Almost every year, I wonder whether this is going to be the year that I decide to go for a walk when the angels come.”

Sir Pentious

And his heart clenches so tightly in his chest. "Don't." The word is soft and unbidden, desperate.

"There have been many a year where I've felt the same...where I thought it would be better to just end it. But I didn't. Mostly out of spite, but that can only get you so far. I like having love to live for better. Or exist for. Neither of us are living." A dry, bitter, short chuckle.

Alastor

His heart skips a beat at the word, so pronounced he flinches at the odd th-thump. Still not used to those. “I won’t. *I never want to leave you.*” He pulls Telly close. “And you’ll stay here?”

Sir Pentious

"I will." It's a promise, a swear, and he can't help but sit up to kiss him, at least once. "Don't leave me and I'll stay here, too."

Alastor

Alastor returns the kiss; it’s not a formal pact with magic and all, but it feels like one. “Then we’ll both stay.” He presses his forehead to Telly’s, eyes still shut. “It’s... heavy, though.”

Sir Pentious

"I know. Damn it, do I _know_. Humans like us, we weren't meant to be eternal. It _fucks_ with us, especially knowing that we've already died. But you have me now. And I have you. And if we share our loads, it won't seem as heavy." He may be crying, just a bit, and luckily only from the face eyes.

Alastor

“Knowing we’ve died—and knowing we aren’t *worth* eternity. I know I’m not. I know Hell is a punishment, but—sometimes it feels so *generous.*”

But he nods, slightly, with their heads still together. “But—I have you and you have me. And good God, am I glad I do.”

Sir Pentious

"I understand. I know exactly what you mean." Sighs and wraps his arms around him.

"I'm glad to have you too. I...I love you." A small kiss.

Alastor

"I love you, too." And it hurts like hellfire to say. It's the thing keeping him chained here, and it's also such a part of the reason why Hell hurts at all.

He presses his face to Telly's shoulder; this time, at least, his crying is quiet.

Sir Pentious

His breath catches and the tears come again, more freely. He can feel the eyes on his tail beginning to leak as well, can't control it in the moment. Telly's arms wrap more tightly around Alastor, and one of his hands moves up to stroke and card through his hair. He squeezes his eyes (on his face) shut again, he shakes with quiet sobs, holding Alastor to him as if everything depended on keeping him close.

Alastor

He holds Telly just as tightly, an arm around his back and an arm around his shoulders. Guilt twists in him at being the one to make Telly cry; but Alastor’s not crying hard, this time around he can support Telly through his sobbing.

Sir Pentious

They're not hard sobs, instead soft little things, hiccups more like, and along with them comes a soft chorus of "Love you, love you, love you." The amount of emotions that are roiling around inside of him, who knows if the crying is sadness, happiness, or something else. But there is an overabundance and he is letting it out.

Alastor

And Alastor will keep supporting him until it’s all out, the same way Telly did earlier. He briefly lowers one hand to Telly’s tail and gently tugs, encouraging him to coil around Alastor if he wants. He can deal with a dozen eyes crying on him.

Sir Pentious

The tail barely needs any encouragement, it is up and coiling in an instant, squeezing Alastor's lower half. Not hard enough to hurt, but definitely very tight. Telly doesn't take too long to calm, the tears stopping and his breathing evening out. Then he's just breathing deeply against Alastor, still holding him tight, but with less desperation.

Alastor

Alastor rubs Telly’s back as the tears slowly stop coming. Once Telly’s breathing has steadied, Alastor murmurs, “How do you feel?”

Sir Pentious

"I'm not sure. I'm happy, but tired, and sad that you felt so tired, too."

Alastor

“I don’t want you to be sad on my behalf.” He sighs quietly. “But if there’s happiness in there too...”

Sir Pentious

"I can't help it, I love you, and knowing that you hurt, it hurts me too. But that's not to say 'don't tell me when you're hurting' because I _want_ to know. So that I can help if I can. Or just hold you, if that's what you need. But I'm happy because you love me, and you're here with me, and we can help each other. And that is what's most important, more than anything." A soft sigh in return, and a gentle kiss to his shoulder.

Alastor

“That’s the worst part of this whole thing, isn’t it? We’ve got to carry each other’s pain on top of our own—and then we feel guilty for paining each other.” Alastor laughs ruefully. “But I’m here for you. For whatever damage control we can do.” He returns the kiss.

Sir Pentious

"It's quite something: you want your love to not hurt, but then your hurt hurts them, and they don't want you to hurt, but their hurt hurts you, and it's just another fucking ouroboros." He laughs, a bit of a hysterical tinge to it. "But I'll endure it. For you."

Alastor

“I’ve always thought there was something beautiful in the image of devouring oneself alive.” There wasn’t anything beautiful in *this,* but maybe he could find it. “I will, too. As long as I give you more happiness than unhappiness.”

Sir Pentious

Telly pulls back just a tad, enough to see Alastor's face. He cups it and kisses him, pressing their foreheads together again. "You already have."

Alastor

“Make sure I keep it up.” He cupped Telly’s face as well, running his thumbs over his cheeks. “We’ve only just gotten started, and there’s a long eternity ahead of us.”

Sir Pentious

"I will. I hold you to that." A bit of a smirk, and he's uncoiling, and grabbing the towel again. "I'm mostly dry but still a little damp. Let's finish up and get some water, _I'm_ thirsty now too."

Alastor

Huff. “*Right.* Of course.” He retrieves the towel he’d wrapped around Telly’s shoulders and helps, taking special care with the tear streaks around his many eyes. “We can try out another one of your herbal teas, see if this’ll be the one I like. I can whip up something or other to go with it.”

Sir Pentious

Telly smiles and finishes drying, before taking Alastor's hand. He kisses it and then wraps it around his arm to start slithering towards the kitchen. "Anything in particular you want to try tonight? Or should I just try and pick something that I think you'll perhaps like?"

Alastor

“Whatever you want. It still all tastes like fruity tea to me.” He laughs self-consciously. “I’ll get there.”

Sir Pentious

"Maybe something with some citrus? For a zest? I have a few mixes like that." They are now in the kitchen and Telly's going to get the kettle on and then dig around for the teas.

Alastor

“Sure, I could use some zest.” He starts rummaging around to see what he can make that goes with something citrusy. He’s got this place pretty well outfitted by now, if he says so himself.

Sir Pentious

"Alright, I have a green tea with orange, clove, and ginger. It's very tasty, has a good bite." He hummed as he got out the clear pot that he'd used before, and two cups.

Alastor

Green tea, what goes with green tea? He’s got no idea what goes with green tea. He can slap together some tea sandwiches that go with orange, clove, and ginger, though. “How does chicken sound?” And perhaps a more important question: “When did you last eat?”

Sir Pentious

Cue him pausing as his brain starts to work, trying to remember. "Ahhh...this morning? Breakfast, yes, I think that was when." Oh look how concentrated he is on pouring the water into the pot he is now.

Alastor

Maybe something a bit more substantial than a rinkydink tea sandwich, then. “Would you say that tea’s more clove-y or ginger-y?

Sir Pentious

He lifts the dried tea to his mouth to blelele and hums. "More clove-y."

Alastor

“Then let’s make that beef instead of chicken. Compliments it better without having to toss in a dozen other spices—and we don’t want to overpower the tea, do we...” He presumes they don’t want to, anyway. He checks the fridge to see what they’ve got on hand. Watch out, he’s switching into Cooking Mode.

Sir Pentious

Telly loves when he switches into cooking mode. He's just going to move the cups and the pot to the table and then settle in to watch.

Alastor

Okay, keep it simple—he grabbed some roast beef, onions, watercress, mayo, and some odds and ends to mix into the mayo that will *hopefully* compliment the tea, passing each ingredient one by one to his shadow to find a place for on the counter. Alastor swoops by Telly to give him a quick squeezing hug on his way to start prepping sandwiches—maybe a slightly longer hug. Maybe he’ll linger here a moment.

Sir Pentious

Oh! A hug, yes, a hug is good. Get that snake purring like an engine. He's very tempted to coil but he won't, he's getting hungry just watching.

Alastor

Okay, no, no getting emotional. Twice in one day is enough. He’s got fancy mayo to prepare. He lets go and hurries to the counter. “So. What’s... What were you working on earlier?” Don’t mind if his voice is a little rough, it’s fine.

Sir Pentious

"Oh, just more repairs. Installing new parts and making some delicate calibrations that the Eggs can't handle." He's watching Alastor and not even paying attention to the tea, that's gonna seep for a good while.

Alastor

“I ought to take an evening or two to help out with repairs.” He’s talking as much to himself as to Telly. “I keep coming over and *watching,* there’s no reason I can’t pick up a wrench or screwdriver and pitch in.”

Sir Pentious

"I'd love for you to help, I can get instruct you what to do just fine, I know how capable you are." A smile, and then he's re-noticing the tea and pouring a cup. Adds a little honey for sweetness and takes a satisfied sip.

Alastor

He passes over the first sandwich. “If it goes horribly with the tea: I’m sorry, forgive me, I did my best, it’s not my fault.”

Sir Pentious

Telly laughs. "I'm sure it will be fine, Alastor." He takes the sandwich and bites, and then takes a sip of tea, and then makes a very surprised and delighted noise. "Oh, that tastes wonderful."

Alastor

“Good!” He finishes his own, takes a bite—good—and pours some tea for himself to try—well, it still tastes like tea, but like, at least a tea that pairs well with the sandwich. “The good news is I think I’m starting to differentiate the taste of green tea from other teas.”

Sir Pentious

A smile. "Good! I'm glad. Maybe you're acquiring the taste for tea, at least a bit." A wink, and then he's back to eating. He finishes it far, far too fast-- Telly really does just inhale his food when propriety isn't a factor-- and then he's just sipping his tea. His tail slides over to curl around Alastor's calf.

Alastor

Alastor's taken two bites. He pauses before the third. "... Do you want another sandwich?"

Sir Pentious

Oh, shy snake look, and then a little nod. "Yes, please." And his tail retracts to let Alastor move.

Alastor

He waves his shadow over to do it and nudges Telly's tail with his foot. He's staying put.

Sir Pentious

Oh! Good, the tail is curling back around and holding him, and he smiles just so fond and bright. And another sip of tea.

Alastor

Alastor returns the smile—it still looks tired, but it’s just a little warmer when he meets Telly’s gaze. “I’m sorry I threw you off your schedule today.” Such as it was; Alastor was getting the distinct impression that Telly’s schedule was *however much I can get done today in as many hours as I can keep working.* “I’ll help you get back on track. And next time it’s your turn to have an emotional breakdown, all right?”

Sir Pentious

He laughs softly, and reaches over to take Alastor's hand, thumb stroking gently. "Alright, but you have to mop up after." A snicker.

Alastor

Alastor squeezed Telly’s hand. “It’s a deal.”

Sir Pentious

He hums and takes another sip of his tea, not letting go of Alastor's hand. "Is my other sandwich done?"

Alastor

Alastor glances over.

His shadow is just, sorta, standing there, awkwardly, holding a sandwich, watching this tender moment. Heyyy.

Alastor gestures. Go on, put the man’s sandwich down.

Sir Pentious

And he is devouring the sandwich, very happily. A contented snake.

Alastor

Well, for all Alastor’s flaws, at least he can help keep one snake fed—and that’s something, isn’t it? He continues eating his own sandwich. It’s a little awkward with one hand, but right now nothing could make him let go of Telly.

[tillerman1]

TORMENT [to the word] (pt.1)

TORMENT

A screenplay by Ingmar Bergman

translated by Thomas Jester to the word

TORMENT: A knife on an abscess

The summer after my matriculation low me ill and suddenly advent TORMENT. It was for finished in one yield over an old "Latin writing exercise" that each started at one end, all events just came, it was like a compulsion. When I the writing complete read me through everything, knew me relieved and buried this first, only and as I hoped closing read procreation in an old dresser drawer's roomy darkness.

How then TORMENT stack upward again from of oblivion, taken up, reviewed, made till screenplay and finally till film are admittedly a remarkable but though completely alternative history.

For this film's part entertained I three hopes and I am happy over to get talk about them.

1.) I desired that TORMENT became a knife on an abscess, that it had something liberating to come with simultaneously as I hope that the spectator might find it worth the entrance ticket.

2.) I desired that Caligula might become revealed, purged, disarmed. There are namely many sorts Caligulas, major and minor, rather harmless varieties or sickening monster, apparent or insidious. But on one thing feels Caligula always again. He creates hatred, pungency, destruction among humans. He is foreign for all joint community, lacking contact opportunities and natural sympathy.

3.) I desired that man might feel compassion with Caligula, as he none himself is the cause of his situation. He is as poison snake, bacterium, the extinguished harmful who by no means himself understands the evil he comes providing, but as ever alone, always unhappy hunted by furious furies, the custom terror and the drift till harm. If man strikes up the word Caligula in a conversational dictionary stands following:

Caligula: (Latin = »small boot«) F 12. 12. 41 Roman emperor, son to Germanicus. C:s bloodthirst and abnormal addictions did him soon so hated that he was killed.

TORMENT

Film manuscript by Ingmar Bergman.

This film dedicated Caligula and all his ilk in both dead as living language, Christianity, geography and history…

QUIDQUID ID EST TIMEO DANAOS ET DONA FERENTES.

(HOWEVER THAT IT'S DREAD GREEKS AND PRESENTS BEARING.)

(Caligula's first words till his class, significant for his character.)

Caligula is a man of something over fifty years. His exterior is not in any way startling. He is dark, something white-haired. Face occupied mainly of one pair quite powerful glasses with large black frames. When he takes off the glasses alters his face suddenly and gets small insignificant, almost frightened.

It is after so of Caligula, how he has a facade to the outside world, a facade that he till the utmost endeavor it to maintain. »The Cat Story« is significative for his human island type. "Biting not I as bite you and therefore bite me first." This has designed one EnGarde position as has developed one strong predisposition: the stiletto sharp sadism, the lust to see humans plagued, feel power over them. Before for this sadism is naturally one white stain: "I am no criminal, I can none make a fly offended." He is not himself fully aware, he is one of these many humans, who lives his life till half, in a sort's half-conscious, where the external events only reach the soul indirectly and thereby lose their original wounding and devouring effect but also the positively building and curative.

The reason till this violent EnGarde-in-status based itself on a given helpless-unit-feeling that with Caligula has reached a powerful (let go for pathological) development. It is admittedly dangerous to scold everything pathological. Such that based itself on the undisciplined still-satisfactory-drift of the one or other kind need after not endure it, but Caligula's steps show for-a-knot-hot, his intentional perverse lust to admit his horror and expose himself, his flagrancy towards probably pathological. And if man experiments your view forward, what as conceivable comes to happen him, ends it with all security on insane family or also super he in the at dipsomaniac institution. That he would take some life of himself is hardly likely. It makes not humans like he (judgment is too suspicious concerning opportunities in neighbor life).

His relationship till the girl Bertha is utterly not any Mr. Hyde-folly, but are just by his easy, almost everyday system so insanely creepy. The girl is from beginning afraid for him, mostly for that her limited understanding and intuition not can take him. This fright gives him one advantage that he utilizes under the thesis "eat not thou me so eat I you."

"Murder" that after actually not is any murder in ordinary meaning, comes for him as a deep, unusual direct shock, that also furnishes about terribly in his perversion's bedroom. Such conditions to the boy are similar. Sandman till illustration would he never venture himself in. But this upright, sensitive guy selects he of instinctive security till his victims. There are just that category's lads in the class who he plays with cum that suggests up the horror in whole the class. The insane paralyzing fear that only (of my experience) can break out in a school class under the experienced school man's management.

A final wants I make a personal confession concerning Caligula and humans as he.

I think that they occurred through one nature's mistake. They have till single task to themselves suffer and cause other woes. There perhaps is some meaning of it. But as humans are them failed, without development, without fortune facilities, without real life. The most radical would naturally to killing them. Perhaps also the most merciful. "A characterized compassion" is impossible when there applies Caligula. What man feeling is dislike, disgust, a shiver of discomfort, which before the bugs that wedge front and back and disappears of hole soil under a just articulated stone.

Jan-Erik Widgren is a boy of 18 years. He is not unusual in any way. He is a schoolboy right and plain with all that it means.

Psychologically undergoes Jan-Erik a development under the film's walking. When it starts is he something quixotic, writes poetry, plays piano, thinks of a clean woman who will become his wife and between its has he surely quite the doctor to keep out of "losses" that forces him to one and otherwise that he considers with antipathy and one some resignation.

Through the event's race changes it.

First confronts he of a woman, who procures him setbacks in his beauty established principles. He is not dear at her, but goes unto[?] all fall till bed with her and rises upwards (till his surprise) but too big conscience. Like all your collegians with a little Sturm und Drang draw is he right isolated, alone. He finds in Bertha someone who bothers herself for him and requires him in one such way that it doesn't need encroach on his own usual and very fragile puberty-bargains with to himself. Therefore accepts he her and gets fixed on her with a tenderness that she reciprocates, and which gives him a reassured body and thereby one certain freedom in the soul. [?]

But away for away quite hastily breaks this good relationship asunder. It is Caligula as picks asunder it unconsciously, bit for bit. When Bertha is there snotty, full and howling, is he with even stranger for her. He was for never dear at her, loved her not and this new stress is their relationship not mighty to bear. It goes asunder.

Slowly but surely run he toward desperation. Make out some rash is when he beats Caligula, second is when Jan-Erik in wild despair rushes home. Fully broken out is it when it does his residence on Bertha's floor there he hides out like a wounded animal. [?]

But the knot is not so hard applied. It is a normal, something oversensitive, rights-aware only at large balanced boy it applies cum he lets the rector help out. [?] He returns home, not longer collegian but something bitter, something sensible, with a feeling of how lives probably are damned, indeed sometimes run "on clean sophistication," but also is a good life with obvious meaning in the most as done. The final image shows him lying on some flooring, weeping, this can seem depressing, yet is intrinsically the contrary. It would worse if he was silent and bit together about himself.

Till at parents relate it to like the most boys of his category: armed neutrality.

Jan-Erik is there nothing wrong on, he becomes one good fellow.

Bertha, that a arm (wretched) small life! It is that intrinsically not very say whether. She is constitution-kind, looks intrinsically not slutty outward, but are from circumstances' power start such go revolving: "Man wants after exist with, man want course live." Till end has she lost count cum with her something indolent temperament has she not bothered herself so much about it.

Then has she enacted knowledge of Caligula in like way as of many other men, at a tobacco shop and its facilities. Caligula has seen kind out cum so with even is she the scaring her more than all otherwise. The horror ramped till the excessive, mainly suctioned of her herself cum she allows herself willingly abused mentally by Caligula.

The togetherness with Jan-Erik gives her something respite and shows her as she is: a kind girl, who not asks more than how gain draw someone to think about, that could have a live human text beside herself in bed, to avoid being alone.

She suppers death itself. Drinking on Caligula initiative, lets to tortured, suffer from malnutrition. Her will to live flows as away cum she deceases so well as on peculiar desire.

I find much pity for her and desired that she had become married with any kind fellow cum that she had got many children and a small alright home. Perhaps was it her small adventurousness, inability to take care of to herself, that brought her performing. A victim is she in all fall and I am nowadays if conceivably yet more convinced of that Caligula should slide as shot.

*

The giant playground outside school. It is unsettled and empty. A little lad comes rushing far from behind. He runs with high speed over the yard on the diagonal.

Contra steps up till home entrance. The small lad rushes up the stairs. Trips, travels himself, rushing further. Gets with effort and difficulty up the door that is large, large. Slips in. [?]

Inside the door.

The large vestibule with doors to the prayer hall. From within heard Bull Jesus' monotonously echoing voice. The lad (12 years) looks at the wall clock that shows 10 minutes over eight. The lad swallows a few times. His bad conscience is unambiguous. He sneaks silent further up next staircase and - next. He tries (to) make himself as small as possible.

A teacher goes in corridors, opens doors to classrooms, and peeks in, open till storerooms, maps room cum toilettes. Snoop everywhere. Can further.

Lad hears echoing footsteps. He sneaks in through the door. It is chemistry room, with one long row large table. He dives yourself down behind one.

The teacher opens the door till the chemistry room, gets hastily through it. Out again. Lad, as crouched, travels himself up, sneaks up till the door and listens. Opens and glides out.

Long corridor.

Lad sneaks. You sneak past a cross corridor. Stays as riveted at the ground.

The teacher comes in the cross corridor. He gets sight of the boy, stops.

Lad sets himself off, rushes like a shot through the corridor.

The teacher turns, sneaks around a corner.

The kiddie turns around one other corner and rushes straight at the arms of the teacher. The lad finds for good to start howling. The teacher takes him in some neck skin and for away wrongdoer.

A classroom.

The lad, still cohesive in some neck skin, howling, discarded down in a bench. The teacher takes up the class book. Stare gloomily at The Lad. Turns up the book, writes.

The stairs cum the corridor.

Pippi comes walking rather soon. The hat on the neck. The rock{coat} flutters. The white hair test {tufts} stands right out. He goes past "the lads" classroom, yet stops, turns about cum peeks in. Pippi having's clear to –

PIPPI : Mornin' the adjunct.

The young, gloomy and zealous teacher turns of head and considers Pippi –

ADJUNCT : Good morning lector.

Pippi steps in, looking at the howling boy –

PIPPI : Till what offense has this the sorrow's youngling done to guilty now then.

ADJUNCT : He has come for {too} late! Come for late till morning prayer!!

The adjunct beats back his class book and prepares himself to go.

PIPPI : Yes only, that have after I've also done.

The adjunct turns himself lightning-fast if as if he would say something, but is stunned. The lad ends howling and looks up. An explained grin bursts slowly out on his snotty small gangster-physiognomy.

Bull-Jesus fishes with the tongue after loose palate, as holding on to allow himself off, bending head deep down where he stands at the oratory's lectern.

BULL - JESUS : Aameen!

The organ puff, sighs. One long boy with nervous hands and the eyes in the notes intones bluntly "Alone God..."

The school's 856 pupils plus teachers and principal travel themselves {rises} as one man and sing with ho and hello and a certain clamp –

SKOLAN : Alone God in heaven-rich, spring Grace and price belong…

Grönstrand stands stunned, stares at the psalmbook, then shoulders he on Jan-Erik –

GRÖNSTRAND : The damned in it. I mayst nothing Latin till in daylight… You should see man field there. I had premonitions with Mother.

JAN - ERIK : Where sits they.

GRÖNSTRAND : In a gastric. Boy! waking(?) diarrhea.

SKOLAN : For all the Grace he loves rich with us has wanted make.

BROBERG (sings in falsetto): Think you not that sounds neat when one other sings soprano?

Östergren stands with Latin grammar in highest grab –

ÖSTERGREN : Hold the jaw. I'm studying. Interference me not! Volo, nolo, malo, cupio, juvo, studeo… [I want; I do not want; bad; I; watch out; studying]

SKOLAN : He earth donated - great delight and peace...

Bergman and Krefler.

BERGMAN : A Tuesday with little home sadist Caligula.

Caligula tramps up and down. Turns something with left arm as if he had rheumatism in it.

BERGMAN : He has rheumatism today.

KREFLER : Becomes he fun. Yes yes!

BERGMAN : Fun ... he gets sublime.

SKOLAN : And of a human may well rejoice at –

Sandman, bald, burning eyes, strange revelation, lies with rapture.

SANDMAN : You understand, one another was after quite hungover when the donna said that she rolls of a lump.

Göterström, small, glasses, impressed –

GÖTERSTRÖM : Ouch, ouch you.

SANDMAN : You know ... ANVIL have man after not thought oneself to be... yet.

Sång-Pelle stands with closed eyes, hands at the gastric, happy. Sings so it's empty –

SKOLAN + SÅNG - PELLE : God's forever good wiiiiiiiill…

An oratory.

Everyone's heads bent on Bull Jesus' initiative. Dead silent.

Two schoolboys lean themselves together and affect sleep. Panoramic up. One jams a salmon book down in the pants. The other ends with to whittle in the bench with his penknife. A third wakes to where he has stood and lost the psalmbook on some floor.

It becomes up crime's signal.

Long rows march now, bench row after bench row, class after class, outward from the oratory.

At the door stand two teachers.

Each pupil, who goes past, shows up his psalm book. Then comes one - no psalm book -

TEACHER I : No psalmbook.

A PUPIL : Mine's stolen.

TEACHER 2: Lie at least not. From ranks.

The pupil joins till one small cluster of other individuals -

PUPIL 1 : Will it stick?

Pupil 1. responds not. Make(s) only one much ugly and vast grimace.

Some train of pupils.

Faces in long lines. Descriptive, intensive. Scores of faces.

The mighty stairwell. Mingle of boys outside classrooms. The rings in clocks. Some stairwell becomes hastily ground. There comes the teaching. They go in of yet classroom, whose door closes. It gets quieter and quieter.

Noise cum upset, whistles cum clamor. Ringning.

It is silent and plot everywhere.

Classroom system.

It is silent. All 25 pupils seated still, cautious. The roof lamps are a spark. Day stands gray outside, rain sprinkles down along the three large windows. Panoramic up. Caligula in the rostrum.

He travels out. Moves silent and light. Taps pointer. Moves through the class. Talks so slowly and low -

CALIGULA : I will not put at fingers between ("I'll show no mercy.") Ignores you me so - ignoring - me - you. (pause) Wants you-all have the un-pleas-ant so GLADLY for me.

Up with pointer straight in eyesight on the spotty and resin near horror-hypnotic Grönstrand. Pokes with the pin against his larynx –

CALIGULA : Perhaps Mr. Grönstrand wants last friendly to continue.

Grönstrand sighs. He bending his spotty and constantly distressed face over text and reads with high and shrill meeting –

GRÖNSTRAND : After Fabius Maximums thus had broken up, marched the army ten days, then it struck camp at the river Igas. The under-command-haves called till the consul's tent, where he till told them ... where he till told them ... with to ... unless the campaign plan would to and then unless the campaign plan would to and then that they ... unless ...

Grönstrand bend your face, his eyes are confused, save, he is smooth in such physiognomy.

Caligula stands silent and then begins he pull in at fingers, the one after the other, slowly –

GRÖNSTRAND : I could not get out the here sentence lecturer.

CALIGULA : So.

Caligula drags in the fingers. The class seated tense, silent. Some rain rushes against the boxes –

CALIGULA : Then maybe Mr. Grönstrand want [to] start on neighbor sentence?

Grönstrand makes a brave attempt to bluff. He begins healthy –

GRÖNSTRAND : This showed legacies be... and then ... individual ... between themselves ... but this till despite if though non ...

Dead silent. Against Caligula.

He takes with a hand against glasses, straightens till them. Sets himself in the lectern, leaning himself forward, puts hands under the chin -

CALIGULA : Grönstrand has not opened the books till now. (pause) (chop till hard) In any fall not there the lesson was. (smiles)

Around Grönstrand.

Some strained giggles from the about-around-sitting -

CALIGULA : I will give Grönstrand occasion till reflection. – Mr. Widgren continues.

Jan-Erik jerks till, begins looking among the lines, finds, begins something choppy –

JAN - ERIK : This synopsis the legates make a good statement.

CALIGULA (breaks off): Stands it so... Karling?

Karling seated just behind Jan-Erik –

KARLING : Pretense.

CALIGULA : Continue.

JAN - ERIK : A good pretense. And since they stayed counsel mutually, wherein they came agreed about that a great gift should delivers at …

Caligula breaks off. Crisply –

CALIGULA : Can Mr. Jan-Erik Widgren not speak Swedish.

Jan-Erik looks up, licks himself of mouth, is very- –

CALIGULA : It called not delivers a gift... That is poor Swedish (fast). What called it, Mr. Widgren?

Jan-Erik stares before himself. Stare and think. The brain has gone in deadlock. Dead silence.

Caligula traveling out of (the) lectern, cum the pointer in hand and goes silent and slowly down the room towards Jan-Erik. He pokes with the pin on Jan-Erik's throat –

CALIGULA : It is till that be witty.

Turns himself round instantly –

CALIGULA : Ström!

Ström, a round boy with gentle, mild, melancholic eyes, takes finger from the nose, startled –

STRÖM : Submit a gift!

Caligula again. He smiles something sly, cozy –

CALIGULA : Has Mr. Widgren heard that before?

Widgren. He grins silly –

WIDGREN : Indeed[,] certainly yes.

CALIGULA (suddenly mocking): Indeed[,] certainly yes. Continue.

WIDGREN : Assumed they before Caesar and assured that they were ready.

CALIGULA : Thanks. That was where we had.

The class draws a sigh of relief. Jan-Erik straightens of himself. But the period is short.

Caligula starts going up and down between the benches right quickly. Questions and answer comes as submachine's matter –

CALIGULA : Prepare some joy, Widgren! Jan-Erik –

JAN - ERIK : Afficere aliquem laetitia. [Latin for: "Affect any joy."]

CALIGULA : Instill any(?) fear.

JAN - ERIK : In … aliquem timore. [Latin for: "In ... any fear."]

Caligula. He stops –

CALIGULA : Instill.

Jan-Erik can not come on some words –

JAN - ERIK : In…

CALIGULA : Well!

JAN - ERIK : Injicere. [Latin for: "Inject."]

Caligula swings the stylus around so it whistles in the air –

CALIGULA : It was someone who whispered. Genitive of impersonal verb. Example. Kreutz.

Kreutz, calm, turns at some head. Leisurely, teasing.

KREUTZ : Miseret, penitet piget, pudet, taedet. [Latin for: "Sorry, repented wearisome, ashamed, tired."]

Caligula. Kreutzs' way annoys him –

CALIGULA : Spare, Karlsson. Karlsson –

KARLSSON : Parco, peperci, parsum, parcere. [Latin for: "spare, forbear, spared, spare."]

Caligula. He allows now the stylus whiz around in a run –

CALIGULA : Flay, Bokstedt.

Bokstedt gets startled –

BOKSTEDT : Plango, plantisi. [Latin for: "bewail, I planted."]

CALIGULA : Wrong. Bergström.

BERGSTRÖM : Plango, planxi, planctum, plangere. [Latin for: "bewail, mourn, mourning, wailing."]

Caligula goes up against Widgren, down to behind him –

CALIGULA : Caesar hostem agressus devicit. [Latin for: "Caesar (the) enemy assault overcame."] Widgren.

He puts the stylus between the shoulder blades on Widgren –

WIDGREN : Caesar attacked and defeated the fiend.

Responds without to turn on some head. Keeps hard on the desk –

CALIGULA : Example of what.

WIDGREN : Participial construction.

CALIGULA : What of them.

WIDGREN : Participium conjunctum. [Latin for: "Participle conjoined."] It is (a) predictive attribute.

CALIGULA : Till what.[sic]

JAN - ERIK (silent).

Caligula swings around and puts to on the desk straight front Jan-Erik –

CALIGULA : Has Mr. Widgren not read on the homework?

Jan-Erik stares Caligula stint in the eyes –

JAN - ERIK : Yes, that has me.

CALIGULA : I think (whispering) I think Mr. Widgren - lies!

JAN - ERIK : No one does I not!

CALIGULA : Not that.

Caligula.

He stares with his on glasses magnified eyes at Jan-Erik.

Silence.

Jan-Erik.

He stares back. Immensely tense, but intrinsically not afraid.

JAN - ERIK : No!

Caligula travels to up. He goes one kind up against blackboard -

CALIGULA : So. So.

Flips to about. Throws out –

CALIGULA : At what verb stands genitive?

Jan-Erik is as seized of one icy horror. But he holds together.

JAN - ERIK : At verb as means remind if, remember, forget, accuse, convict, judge, acquit. Fore business verb.

CALIGULA : Example.

JAN - ERIK : Aestimo. [Latin for "I Think."]

Caligula looks at Jan-Erik. Nods interested –

CALIGULA : So!

JAN - ERIK : Facio, duco, puto. [Latin for "I do, think, I think it.."]

Caligula as above –

CALIGULA : So!

JAN - ERIK : Camo. [Latin for "bit."] Mercor [Latin for "trade"](trying) dono [Latin for "gift"].

All follow under silent tension course-for-events. Caligula approaches himself slowly Jan-Erik. Dead silent.

CALIGULA : Mr. Widgren considers still that Mr. Widgren mayst his lesson.

JAN - ERIK : I'm could it then of yesterday.

CALIGULA : Mr. Widgren is lazy. Mr. Widgren ignores me and my homework.

JAN - ERIK : No, it makes me not.

Caligula has now passed past Widgren. And is farthest down in class.

CALIGULA : So! Not. Strike up the book. Start with the day's homework.

Slamming suddenly with the stylus in an empty desk with all might –

CALIGULA : FAST! FAST!

Jan-Erik and Caligula of background.

JAN - ERIK : For three days collapsed battle. One last did Romans one storm onset …

Caligula sneaks silent on toe up behind Jan-Erik and leans himself over him and peers in his book –

JAN - ERIK : … and chased Hannibal's troops on the flight. Thereby was a large number soldiers captured …

Caligula bend(s) himself instantly down, slams the hand over the book, takes up it. Raises that in the air. Long silence.

Jan-Erik's face.

Hales somehow together itself. The eye creeps in of the skull on him.

Sandman. Staring, mute.

Grönstrand pulls together eyebrows in one childishly desperate grimace.

Caligula and Jan-Erik.

Caligula speaks low –

CALIGULA : What is it here!

Caligula looks out around in the class under silence. So –

CALIGULA : Mr. Widgren uses to of unauthorized aid.

JAN - ERIK (low): Forgot to erase.

Caligula raises an eyebrow, as if he were quite amazed over the information. Plays something –

CALIGULA : Forgot blurring out.

Speaks mildly –

CALIGULA : So. Sure. Forgot blurring out. It is clear.

Turns about, furious –

CALIGULA : Cheating my Lord!

Throws down the book –

CALIGULA (continued): CHEATING!!

Caligula goes slowly up till the lectern. Addressed till eyewear, staring sadly before himself –

CALIGULA : Sad to forced penalize a student for this criminal procedure two months before the student, fourteen days before the writing compounds.

Strikes up the class book –

CALIGULA : Much boring is it. Very.

Jan-Erik.

It is hot despair in the eyes of him. It is quiet. The only as heard is the pen's rasp in the class book.

Caligula.

He hits back the book. Straightens on the eyeglasses –

CALIGULA : I will talk with provost (pause). We mayst probably some part with each other to do, Jan-Erik Widgren.

It rings –

CALIGULA : Good midday.

Caligula glides out.

There is violent excitement in the class –

SANDMAN : One such potty.

GRÖNSTRAND : Man would snap bastard alive.

Students start packing in their books. And walk towards the door. They are fast still occupied by Caligula.

Sandman pouring himself back –

BERGSTRÖM (flings out - the eyes glow in skull on him): Sadist.

SANDMAN : It'll be damn nice to me when you cured this misery. Then will man a slag.[film: Boy, am I going to sleep then] Stream what man should a slag and crib and lead the roll and yield blank it in it here institution.[film: Sleep & eat & forget all about this place.] Come Widgren, then breaking us and buy scratchy.[film: Let's get some cigs.]

They go out.

Widgren and Sandman.

Göterström sits and digs with the spindly hands in some hair. Speaks low for to himself –

GÖTERSTRÖM : I should acquire one picture in constitutional size by him cum then should I stick out eyes on him cum so should I shoot till target on him. The Latin grammar …

He takes out it –

GÖTERSTRÖM : The Latin grammar should I have as privy-paper if it gives you till it.

The tobacconist.

Jan-Erik and Sandman will in.

One newsprint-reading lord stands forward of the shop –

SANDMAN : Good day my sweet Carmen.

Bertha turns herself about, laughing–

BERTHA : That will that be. One caramel. You-all know that self none may sell tobacco at schoolboys.

SANDMAN : Must buy at papa.

BERTHA : To what said he!

SANDMAN : Bah.

Sandman extends out one courtship-true hand and fingers on Bertha (right dined) -

BERTHA : Yuck on it. Let be.

Jan-Erik is markedly embarrassed –

JAN - ERIK : Sandman. Can we not walk, eh!

Bertha and Sandman laugh.

The door opens cum Caligula comes in. Sandman speaks something rushed -

SANDMAN : An Allers was that yes, miss.

BERTHA : Where so good.

SANDMAN : Thanks. Good midday.

Both boys greet reserved and disappear forth from the boutique.

Caligula looks at them.

It gets silent one small while. Caligula considers irritable the newspaper-reading gentleman –

CALIGULA : Havana II.

Bertha takes up the requested - –

CALIGULA : And then a little box Virginia.

Bertha takes forward it. She seems annoyed –

CALIGULA : Wants you-all last kind and cut up it. I have such bad hands, so clumsy.

BERTHA : Yes[,] certainly. Certainly.

It cuts. Cuts a little scratch in the hand –

CALIGULA : Oh, get regard. Did you yours badly.

He takes her hand. Clamps forward some blood. Keeps it, looks at it. Pause. Then jerks Bertha suddenly of her hand. Pale.

BERTHA : Uh, it was nothing. Nothing at all. Was it something else like the lecturer …

Caligula. He shakes on his head, staring a little silly. Then gathers he together their boxes and pays. Goes. Lights his cigar-cigarette.

Home of Caligula.

He presses down the cigar-cigarette in an ashtray with an energetic movement. He sits at his desk with a back at the room. Piles of exercise books. He pretends to read. Behind him diver Aunt Elisabet up. She is a something, thin, dull, pale face, cold eyes with a spark of passion. She stands some moment silent. Then:

AUNT ELISABET : Why answers you not?

His face carrying tracks of horror-blended anger. He shuts up.

AUNT ELISABET : It is still not right of you … I want you of course only well …Answer then … Say something … You have of course been ill, you vet what the doctor said! … I hold of course so much of you … It is so empty, I am so alone.

The room carrying vision for the say. Aunt Elisabet is middle of the floor. A handkerchief creeps misguided out from the sleeve.

AUNT ELISABET : Thou has never had any other home… We had why such great... Answer then something. Dear boy my.

Caligula flashes till. Furious.

CALIGULA : GO!

Aunt Elisabet pinches together the eyes, knots hands over the handkerchief –

AUNT ELISABET: That you CAN, that you only CAN!

Caligula creeps together in the chair. He is furious, afraid, furious ...

CALIGULA : I want none see you. You. Go, go, go.

Now fall the first tears along Aunt Elizabet's pale cheeks.

AUNT ELISABET : You are mean… mean. When you were small, off boy came you cum said: Dear small aunt Elisabet.

She flags down in a chair and buries the face in her hands.

Caligula travels to pitiful, angry, humiliated, irate.

CALIGULA : Matter kind now. Weep not[,] for God's sake.

He stands footed.

CALIGULA : I WILL be for me oneself. I want none take up that there some monkey business with mother and son… It is disgusting, disgusting.

Aunt Elisabet shaking head forward and back, tears runs and she sobs -

AUNT ELISABET : You lived in your small room inside the hall cum each evening got I arrive in on the till you and I got stop of you before you fell asleep. I got still be like… like your mother.

Moved to the rupture limit over her own voice falls she on new in crying -

AUNT ELISABET : Why wants you not come back. I am so alone … You are of course also so alone …

Now happens all very fast. Caligula takes Aunt Elisabet in the arm, drags up her from the chair. She screams till, turns flash-quickly around. But he gets making of her again. Wills up the door and tries to shoo her out.

Aunt Elisabet turns suddenly one another. Cold, resentful -

AUNT ELISABET : Be careful. Be careful.

CALIGULA : Give you away!

AUNT ELISABET : You will get back this here. Be careful.

CALIGULA (laughs): It is good. Then may you go now.

She twists out by the front door, which goes again with a bang. Caligula stands a moment right still. Then steps he around. Sinking gradually together after the tension. Stops before the bookshelf. Takes down a photograph. It represents aunt Elisabet somewhat youthful and a small boy in feminine costume. She leans her head against his.

Caligula's hands breaking some photograph middle deal so that the glass bits dizzy around. Then goes this ruptured some card in the paper basket.

The food hall at Widgrens.

At some dinner table sitter agency director Widgren, Mrs. Widgren cum the little boy Brother and Jan-Erik, who is gloomy, very gloomy. The eat's under silence.

Brother adds down his spoon and licks to about mouth and looks under bangs on Jan-Erik.

BROTHER : Hey Janne. Why look you so faded out?

MOTHER : Brother small, has none mother said hundred times to you not may wiggle on one chair.

BROTHER : Janne looks equally faded out still so.

Jan-Erik looks not up from the soup –

JAN - ERIK : It should you give seventeen in.

THE MOTHER (mildly reproachfully): Should you say so when Brother wants last friendly.

JAN - ERIK : Small guys would keep the quack when judgment cribs.

Silence lowers to again over the congregation. So looks the bureau director up from his plate, dries himself about the mouth cum speaks -

THE FATHER : How has he gone to school today?

Jan-Erik looks not there -

JAN - ERIK (nonchalant): Good, suppose I.

THE FATHER : Is it true that[?]

It becomes silent one moment. Jan-Erik gives the father one fast glance –

JAN - ERIK : No.

The mother anticipates immediately that something terrible has occurred. She constructs a compassionate, slightly complaining tone –

THE MOTHER : Has there happened any boring? Say, what is it that has happened.

JAN - ERIK : Has got perch.

THE FATHER : For cheating.

JAN - ERIK : How vet Father it[?]

THE FATHER : Your Latin teacher has rung me. The remark sights have been justified.

Jan-Erik. He lowers some head.

THE MOTHER : Jan-Erik, how can you do us one such sorrow.

JAN - ERIK : It WAS not cheating. I could not myself see that which was there. I wrote there it to the cursive-over-setting, then forgot I erase outward …

THE FATHER : It is terribly uncomfortable, now just before one's matriculation.

The father looks upset out. He has a wrinkle middle of the forehead –

JAN - ERIK : So damn dangerous is it surely not. (despair in the voice).

The father silent a moment –

THE FATHER: It depends on how Man takes it. YOU seem to take it relatively lightly. But mother and I are very sorry. My opinion is that you got a stain on you. [(A tingling.)] Should we trip ourselves[?]

The father lays together his napkin.

The family goes from the table. Jan-Erik goes forward till the window.

Brother comes in in the hall again, where a service-spirit right holds on to lay the table out.

He goes forward till Jan-Erik.

Jan-Erik has badly to keep the lip away. But he masters himself male –

JAN - ERIK : It is well not criminally either.

BROTHER : And not should you become sorry for what the stab talk. That vet you well how he is... you… Sandman is on the phone and wonders if you can go to the cinema.

Jan-Erik and Sandman sit at a café. Sandman smokes greedily. It's evening. Sandman yawns –

SANDMAN : Damn sleepy man is. Man would have that the kill in the film, a comfortable, big cum wide snark - one such there tarpaulin or what that called, on a nice dope.

Sandman smacks. Jan-Erik laughs a little, shakes on the head –

JAN - ERIK : Says thou there.

SANDMAN : Boy! And a smorgasbord and burnt and distilled beverages en masse. And the dope and the snoring.

Jan-Erik considers his companion with a certain admiration –

SANDMAN : Man would not climb up in 14 days. Just slag and crib and crib and slag and use the dope. Feathers in it.

Jan-Erik pours for himself tea. Sandman kindles a new cigarette on the old with a practised hand movement –

JAN - ERIK : You are all one terrific materialist.

SANDMAN : Jäh.

He stretches away himself, yawns yet one time large and voluptuous.

Around Jan-Erik. He sees something beyond Sandman. Is actually something embarrassed –

JAN - ERIK : Nah[,] see you, I see everything in one other way. I intend pen thus much I want and play as much violin I want - when this round some whole sick is over.

Jan-Erik becomes pensive. Drinks from his cup and turns and twists on it –

JAN - ERIK : Later with ladies and such there( )... self thinks only have one and her should I be dear over.

SANDMAN (interested): So you have nothing now then. But that there bean Lena or whatever she named …

JAN - ERIK : Indeed yet I am why none all dear of her. Would …

SANDMAN : Dear! You are not wise. Woman uses man.

JAN - ERIK : Do man. Not me in any fall.

Sandman blows smoke clouds and rings. Staring at the ceiling –

SANDMAN : Nah, for it you should take should be clean and untouched and stuff where. What!

JAN - ERIK (embarrassed, but determined): Yes.

SANDMAN : Those animals are none.

JAN - ERIK : Says thou it.

Sandman teaches. High school student-cross-safe –

SANDMAN : All ladies are hookers. And are they that none so want them becoming that. That says both Nietzsche and Strindberg. Waitress[,] may we pay.

The two boys walk down the street. Then stop they outside a port –

SANDMAN : Comes you cum up.

JAN - ERIK : Nah, are home cum read some Latin misery.

SANDMAN : Caligula is one as.

JAN - ERIK : I vet not. I think most that he is a strange dude.

Sandman takes out their keys and inaugurates. He turns himself round –

SANDMAN : You vet, that man turns on stones finds man nasty animal. Caligula is naught real considerably swine(,)[;] he is a little nasty, toxic insect.

JAN - ERIK : I think not that a human can be just evil.

Sandman kindles the light in the stairs(,)[;] they have badly to divorced –

SANDMAN : You are secondary. Expect boy. Expect should thou will see, how devilish it is, everything. It shocks on clean sophistication. Good night brother.

Sandman handrails forward a hand. Jan-Erik takes the fat of it –

JAN - ERIK : You think well-being I am heavenly silly.

SANDMAN : You drivel. You are the only human man can speak cum. You can none help to thou holding you to ideals and speaks round innocent woman. Cheerio!

JAN - ERIK : Servant.

Sandman disappears at the gate. Jan-Erik turns and drives along the street. He goes strenuous with his hands deep down in the pockets. He looks very thoughtful outward.

One other street.

Jan-Erik goes as before. Suddenly raises he some head cum fixes someone before himself.

Before Jan-Erik on the street walks a girl. She wobbles strongly here and there.

Wobbles more and more. Suddenly goes her on one foot in the street and the other on the sidewalk.

Jan-Erik stays. He considers her steadily.

The girl stays now and supports herself against a house wall. She expels a curious chirping sound. So shuffles her down for knee. Stands unto all four, supporting in against the wall.

Jan-Erik thinks a moment. So goes it forward till the girl. Stir at her –

JAN - ERIK : How is the making?

It is Bertha of the tobacco affair.

She turns some face towards Jan-Erik. It is swollen and she pants –

BERTHA : I feel so in of hell great, so it is not true.

Jan-Erik can not camouflage his surprise –

JAN - ERIK : Mrs. Olsson!

The girl laughs, only answers not.

JAN - ERIK : Can I help you?

BERTHA : Oh, hold the jaw on you.

She returns to the exit's position, tries to travel herself, but sinks back again, unable to move it.

BERTHA (angrily): Stand not there and stare. Come and molest a dame. (furious) Give you away.

Jan-Erik bends to down over her and takes her in the shoulder –

JAN - ERIK : You are not wise. You pass you none yourself.

BERTHA : What says you! Am I not wise. (laughs) Oh, came should thou get some.

She travels the laborious and stands upright. Laughs Jan-Erik right in the face.

Jan-Erik becomes cum even angry. He takes her in the arms and shakes her hard -

JAN - ERIK : Talk not rubbish. Where do you live?

Bertha screams high and whines and grins –

BERTHA : Oh! Let become. Release me. (screams) Ouch!

JAN - ERIK : Cry not so. Where rooms you?

BERTHA (angrily): It should you give the cat in.

JAN - ERIK : Attempt for Jösse name that last sober a minute. There comes a cop there away.

Away distance. Some pair. A policeman comes walking the street down. He wanders gravely. Then he goes past some pair watching it on that, yet continues.

Jan-Erik shakes the girl again. She is "limp" –

JAN - ERIK : Now, where live you?

With even flags her off fully and is close to founder in the street. Jan-Erik gets forward her bag and finds a letter -

JAN - ERIK : Ore-different Street 53, four stairs.

He pulls away with her, half carries, half foals her.

[smashkick-archive]

MORE ON SHIKETSU VERSE. big ups and thanks to cherry / @xforall for discussing it with me last night for literally three hours. you’re the real mvp i love you !! thank you so much for helping me flesh out the rest of this verse !! 

Despite adapting to and accepting the fact that he’s no longer attending U.A. and won’t graduate there, Izuku would be crushed too, though he probably wouldn’t show it or think on it much. He'd be okay with going to a new school -- he wants to be a hero more than he wants to go to U.A and only U.A., and his recent experiences and lessons (Kamino especially) have forced him to both understand and grow confident enough to train and push himself forward by himself now. He’s always done this to a point, but the fact that he feels confident enough to move forward regardless of whether or not he’ll see All Might every day and be under his direct tutelage at school is a very, very important factor to keep in mind. HOWEVER, he still really needs, personally, All Might's guidance and his presence in his life, and it’s kind of a bitter pill to swallow knowing he's going see even LESS of the former pro hero now than before. 

After meeting Eri, Mirio, and Nighteye for the first time, Izuku is left with a lot of questions regarding All Might, One For All, and Mirio. Unfortunately, he’s attending Shiketsu, and he can’t exactly go and talk to All Might between classes considering the two schools aren’t anywhere close to one another. Izuku ends up not being able to focus for a couple of days, lost in his mind and feeling lost and frustrated with everything -- including All Might. There were secrets he hadn’t been privy to, and he doesn’t mind if All Might has secrets, but if it’s something to do with One For All and its legacy, Izuku feels he has a right to know about those kinds of things considering he’s the successor. Especially if someone else was meant to be the successor originally.

Izuku ends up wandering into the city one day, and as luck would have it, catches the fight between Kirishima, Fatgum, and Tamaki. He witnesses Tamaki get shot by the bullet, and witnesses how his quirk disappears ... and it freaks Izuku out a lot when he realizes what’s happened. A quirk erasing bullet ... How did someone have their hands on something like that? Especially such a low level criminal? A large part of Izuku itches to jump in and help, but he’s forced to watch and let Kirishima and Fatgum handle the situation. He doesn’t have his license, he can’t help unless he wants to get arrested and kicked out from Shiketsu. Unfortunately, he ends up getting involved anyway. The criminal ends up heading straight for him -- and Izuku’s still not sure whether it was meant to be a distraction, to try and take him hostage, or he was just in the man’s way. He’s ready to use his quirk out of self defense and instinct, and he activates One For All --- but Izuku never hits or attacks the man, thanks to Kirishima. He ends up watching the entire fight between Kirishima and the criminal, and he’s blown away and awed at how far Kirishima has pushed himself and how far he’s come. It’s equal parts inspiring -- and sobering.  Once again he’s reminded of just how little he’s progressed himself. In that moment, though, he cheers Kirishima on, and manages to catch up with the other boy a little before Fatgum and Tamaki appear, alongside the police. Once again, Izuku finds himself in the middle of something he shouldn’t be involved in --- even if he wasn’t directly involved this time. He was witness to the entire thing, again, so he's taken in again as a witness, first for the police ... and then with Nighteye’s agency. 

Meeting the man again was both a relief, and a major stress point. Izuku has so many questions for the man. So many questions he has for All Might, but that he can’t ask because he isn’t able to see the man in person. It’s not exactly something he wants to ask over text or phone either ... It’s something Izuku needs to hear, face to face. It’s been days already, and Izuku’s ready to burst from frustration and confusion, and in the middle of his report to Nighteye ends up blurting his questions out. The man knows everything after all, doesn’t he? He can tell Nighteye isn’t impressed, and the man ignores his questions, but Izuku keeps prodding and pushing until he finally gets a couple of things out of Nighteye. He’s purposely vague, purposely not telling Izuku what he wants to hear, and it only serves to frustrate Izuku more. Ask your mentor these questions. he’s told. and he knows Nighteye is right. But he hasn’t been able to, which is why he’s asking Nighteye. But all he’s left with is more questions, and a heavy sinking feeling. There’s something there ... something big. It scares Izuku a little. Gran Torino ends up contacting All Might about it, telling him about the conversation, and how it’s time. How he can’t keep the truth from Izuku any longer, and that the boy has to know. 

When Izuku finally, finally finds (see: makes) time to meet All Might again, he’s armed with a question, a demand, and a plea. He confronts All Might about what Nighteye had told him, hoping All Might will tell him the truth and the secrets he’s been keeping, and even when All Might tells him not to regret asking and Izuku agrees to it, he isn’t ready. He isn’t ready for what All Might tells him. 

All Might ... is going to die. 

He isn’t able to handle that information. He isn’t able to reassure himself, especially when All Might’s reassurance never comes. Especially when All Might only tells him that he'll do fine on his own, and that he must be ready for the future, to learn to rely on himself and others and not just All Might. Hearing those words is DOUBLE WORSE for Izuku, and he ends up kind of just feeling numb inside. He shakes his head a little before stopping himself and numbly listening to All Might’s words and just kind of ... feels lost. Like he's floating. And he just. Cries. Really quietly. Looking SO HEARTBROKEN. Like it can't be. It can't be. It can't be? It can't. He needed All Might to tell him things would be all right.  

All Might ends up hugging him, and they both try to take comfort in and comfort the other but they fail in both aspects completely. Izuku’s just a blubbering mess with his snotty face in All Might’s shirt, soaking it with his tears, and it's not a noisy cry, it's a really silent broken cry. The kind when you're too sad to make any noise or even breathe right, and he's just so sad and scared and he doesn't want to think about it, but now it's all he can think about. 

He ends up going home that night, and he hugs his mom really tight. It feels like his world’s tilted a couple of degrees sideways without him, and ends up curled on his side when he tries to go to sleep and his whole heart just aches and hurts and he's waiting to wake up from this really bad dream while coming up with impossible solutions to this unsolvable problem he's faced with. He’s just full of that desperate denial and furious attempt to make his life right again in the face of something so life breaking, but he scraps all the ideas he comes up with because he knows they won't work and he's just so frustrated. 

OVERHAUL ARC ISN’T FIGURED OUT YET, BUT, in the end, Izukudoes save Eri. He saves Eri, and Nighteye, but he isn’t able to help save Mirio. He still loses his quirk, something Izuku blames himself over and feels incredibly guilty over, even though logically he knows it isn’t his fault. The fact that he and Nighteye hadn’t died, however, the fact that they’d saved Eri ... Is a massive game changer. It lets Izuku draw himself up from the slump he’d fallen into, lets himself believe in himself again -- even if just a little bit. He’s not entirely convinced One For All should belong to him, but he’s ready to work and push himself to make sure one day it can. Especially now that he knows the future can be changed. It can be bent and twisted, and he has the power to do it. He remembers the conversation he had with All Might weeks ago, how All Might’s secret and Nighteye’s foresight was revealed, and Izuku’s stance and view on it completely changes. After visiting Mirio and exiting the hospital room, Izuku ends up finding All Might, and there’s a moment where Izuku isn’t sure what to say until he draws up the courage, and tells him directly. All Might is not going to die. Izuku will change that. He already changed what was going to happen during the raid, despite Nighteye’s foresight. He changed the future once already, he can change it again. He can change this. They’ll change the future together. 

It’s a promise that Izuku makes to All Might, and one he intends to uphold no matter what.

[aberorca]

New Cast: Part Two

Okay, guys. Part Two was really good tonight, really good. I’ll admit I still had/have some reservations about the cast after Part One but Part Two has smoothed many of those away.

Part Two opens with my favourite piece of choreography, led by Nuno Silva. Nuno didn’t come out of stage door tonight which was a shame because I wanted to tell him how glad I am that he’s stayed on. For those who don’t know, Nuno plays Bane, as well as other ensemble roles but his most important role is Movement Captain. He is basically Steven Hoggett’s (Movement Director) right hand man among the cast and he works with the rest of the cast to coordinate all the complex routines that are carried out on stage, often with very large set pieces. You could really see what Nuno does among the new cast today, how he guides them and the confidence in what he does.

Samuel continues to be the star of the new cast. He really is outstandingly confident and a total natural - you’d think he’d been doing it for years and the audience is absolutely focused on him  and him alone when he’s on stage. I think it was @mrsellacott who said that James Howard told her he loves his new son, and that shows. Samuel and James have a great chemistry on stage. As James is my favourite of Cast 2, I was really looking forward to tonight because Draco has his best scenes in Part Two. His first scene, in the Voldemort timeline did not disappoint. @bounding-heart did a post about why James is so good in this role and that is never more obvious than in this scene. But he also shows love and a sadness and a pain that flows under a Malfoy cover. He rarely shouts, which I like. He exudes menace and intimidation without doing so but he has softness hiding there. When he pinned Scorpius to the desk in this scene, he released him and then shook and twitched in his left hand, the hand he had used to pin Scorpius down. He was physically expressing regret with the movement, as though it physically pained him to be violent with his child. It very much felt as though violence had become a part of who he was in this version of the world, that it was now second nature but that deep down it wasn’t welcome there, a darkness that grips to him like a parasite. So, so good from Mr. Howard.

Elizabeth Hill is an excellent actress. She plays a firm, sporty Hooch with a cool Northen accent in Part One, and a bitchy, snotty Petunia, but in Part Two as Umbridge, she is genuinely unnerving. Her Umbridge relishes in the way she speaks. She’s posh, or at least pretends to be, and she milks it for all it’s worth, letting every word slither off her tongue in the most regal way possible in her desire to feel and to be seen as royal. Her laugh doesn’t induce laughter from the audience like Helena Lynberry did - it is really sinister. Her movements when talking to Scorpius were almost flirtatious, but in a really sickening way that made my skin crawl. Superb debut in the role.

David Annen as Snape - I was really looking forward to seeing David in this role and he didn’t disappoint. He is much more like book Snape than Paul was. He doesn’t raise his voice and he appears bitter and reserved. I never liked the dynamic between Snape and Hermione in the last cast - I get that they were working together but they were too touchy-feely for my liking. That’s gone with David. His “whatever you are” to Hermione was deliciously sarcastic and snotty The “How very pleasant for me” line dripped with sarcasm and the “I exist to serve” line was wonderfully but subtly aggrieved. When he threatened Scorpius with punishment, he deliberately and obviously moved his robe to reveal the pocket in which he kept his wand, making the threat very real. It was a cool detail. When Snape is taken by the Dementors, heave the most horrific scream once they had enveloped him in their cloaks. It really did sound like someone who was losing their life in a horrific manner.

Theo came out of his shell in this performance. Yesterday in Part One he showed signs of being good but he was visibly terrified (his first professional job is one of the biggest roles in a show that has won nine Oliviers - even John said that was terrifying for them) and as a result he was very stiff (I felt bad for Jamie G in the blanket scene in Part One because I felt Theo was giving him very little to work from). But the audience was great yesterday and I think that has put some of the cast (Theo was not the only one who was clearly nervous) at ease a bit more. I think Theo is going to be very good and I look forward to watching him evolve in the role. Also, for all you Scorbus shippers - if you shipped them with Anto and Sam, you’re going to go nuts for Theo and Samuel. They obviously already have a very close relationship as actors and the chemistry between them is fantastic.

Samuel, when he came out of the lake and saw his Dad, put his arms out for a moment as if he wanted to hug him but then lost his courage. It was sweet. James just pointed him in the direction he wanted him, with military-level authority. I really liked it. Alex often used to grab Scorpius by the scruff and march him off stage; I like this less aggressive approach from James because I think it contrasts the differences between Draco in the Voldemort timeline and in the present much more.

One of the Hogwarts kids slipped in some of the water left on the stage but luckily they didn’t go down and carried on.

Jamie finally started to show some Harry-temper in the scene where he visits Albus in the Slytherin dormitory although he only got half-way there.  I reserved judgement on Jamie in Part One yesterday. I agree with @torestoreamends that it’s very important not to compare Jamie G to Jamie P because I think we always knew that Jamie P’s Harry would always be incomparable and I’m OK with that, because I always knew that watching Jamie Parker was a privilege. In fact, it’s very important not to compare any of the new cast with the old cast - it’s not fair on them. Of course we love the old cast, but the new cast have to be given a chance to be different and make the role their own (within the context of the character, of course). But Jamie G certainly lacked something yesterday, for example, he did not sound nearly as desperate as a parent should when searching for their missing child in a forest. I think Jamie G was another cast member who was very nervous but he did much better in Part Two today. I think he needs time and I hope that with time he will push the role and feel his way further into it. This scene wasn’t as heated as it should have been and as a consequence, the argument with Ginny where she asks how heated it got, didn’t work as well.

More Samuel gushing - in the dormitory scene when Albus is sleeping and he wakes him up, he did it in the most brilliant way that beats Anthony and James. He first whispered Albus’s name. He then said “Pssst!” When this didn’t work, he tiptoed over to Albus’s bed and in a really high-pitched but soft voice said “Albus?”. Finally, he shouted it right into Theo’s ear and Theo reacted brilliantly. I always felt Sam underplayed the comedy of this moment slightly but Theo didn’t disappoint. He sat bolt upright with a yell and then turned and started whacking Scorpius with his pillow. It was fantastic.

Annabel as Delphi - finally, finally, I have seen Annabel’s Delphi and she is supremely unnerving. John said he thought she was smashing it. Her Part One Delphi is quite awkward and bumbling and Tonks-like, which I liked. Her Part Two Delphi is almost unhinged once she is revealed and it’s scary. Some stand-out moments for me were what appeared to be genuine, yet mocking pity for the shock and horror on Albus’s face after she kills Craig. It was pity, yet it was patronising. “Aw. Did you not understand?” Brilliant. Then, when explaining how the kids fitted in to the prophecy she kissed Albus. It was “Albus” *kisses his cheek* “is the unseen child who will kill his father”. It was the most possessive, horrifying action; that Albus is this most invaluable object to her that will make her dreams come true. Somehow it reminds me of the way in which Umbridge loves her kittens:  a repulsive obsession.

Emma as Ginny did much better in Part Two - she was another I was reserving judgement on yesterday. Yesterday I really felt that she lacked Ginny’s ovaries - her “So was mine” just didn’t feel strong enough. She definitely improved on that today, although I don’t feel the same warmth from her that I’d like to feel. Like Jamie G, I think she needs some time, perhaps. But I’m optimistic.

Jamie G in the Dumbledore scene was good. I’m so much more optimistic about him than I was yesterday. He can genuinely act and his break down in Albus’s bedroom was even better. He’s not Harry yet, but there is potential there. I’m looking forward to seeing him grow into the character. Harry and Ginny kissed twice when getting Albus's message, just like in the script. (It used to be that they only kissed even though the script called for two.

On the other hand, perhaps I’m just too hard to please, because all the main cast (Albus, Scorpius, Draco, Ginny, Ron, Hermione and Harry) got a standing ovation at the curtain call. I was slightly gutted for the rest that they didn’t but audiences do vary and I’m sure that there are shows when they will. The past two nights had a very good audience and the stage door reception was lovely. I think the cast that came out definitely felt the love and I’m glad because I think it will give them fuel.

Speaking of stage door, April Hughes, who plays Myrtle (and is outstanding - didn’t think anyone would beat Annabel but she smashed it and even Annabel said so) was absolutely adorable. I sang her praises to her and she seemed really touched and happy and asked if she could give me a hug, so we had a hug. She’s a sweetheart! As is Sarah Miele who plays a now-Scottish Polly Chapman with purple hair (we asked her about this and she said it was just something she was told they were going to go for with the character this time). James Phoon (Craig) is adorable. I can’t remember how we got onto the subject but we were talking about the Friday Forty and I said that all my CC friends had won it at least once and I never had. He said that he played the Friday Forty every week ever since the play opened and he never won it either (he’s such a FAN!!). I told him “Now you’re in it! Even better!” and then asked if that meant that I’ll be in the play next year too. He gave a dramatic gasp and said “Oh, my God! That’s it!” and then grasped my arm and said “I’ll root for you for next year.” I told him to show me the ropes when I get cast. What an absolute doll he is. Again, the cast that came out all seemed so touched by the reception and I’m really pleased they’ve been given that confidence.

On Sunday 21st, I met Sonia Friedman. I found her at the back of the stalls and approached her, told her how much I loved and related to the play and congratulated her on all her success. I asked if I could show her something and she said “Of course” so I showed her my poster and she said she loved it because she was a dog person. I thanked her and didn’t see her after that until I passed by her yesterday when she was talking to Jack Thorne at the end of Part One about the pacing of the new cast (they had been a bit slow on a couple of bits). I don’t think she saw me as they were deep in conversation. Anyway, tonight, she came out of stage door briefly to watch the reception that the new cast received. No one realised she was there as she just lingered in the doorway and watched for a few moments - she didn’t go to greet fans. She had her hair different to usual and was wearing sunglasses so I actually didn’t recognise her even though I saw her right in front of me but she recognised me (we were standing right in front of the stage door at the barrier). She went back in to speak to someone but then came out again and came and stood next to me and said quietly “So, what did you think?” I then realised it was her and apologised, telling her I didn’t recognise her with the sunglasses and she said something along the lines of “I like to go incognito sometimes”. @torestoreamends , @mrsellacott and I had a nice chat with her and she thanked us for the support of the new cast.

I was hoping John Tiffany might come out of stage door but he didn’t (because I didn’t ask him to this time =P - I’ll tell that story in another post). My train got delayed on my way to the show this evening and I got in really late (I think @torestoreamends was panicking that I wouldn’t get in on time, she gave me big hug when she saw me and told me she’d been anxiously waiting in the aisle of the stalls to see me come in). Anyway, John was at the back of the stalls (he didn’t sit near the front like he did on May 21st - maybe he didn’t want to be inundated by fans again - more on that in another post) but anyway, I’d spoken to him on Sunday and as I walked past this evening, he looked up from his phone screen and so I gave him a big grin and he smiled back. Then in the interval, I had a brief freak-out with @torestoreamends at the Girls’ Bathroom (obviously) about how good Part Two was and then she let me go to the loo and went back to Stalls. :P On my way back, John stepped out of the Mens’ right in front of me and went back to the Stalls so I was following right behind him, seriously worrying that he was going to think I was stalking him. He noticed me and I immediately apologised and said “I’m really sorry, I swear I’m not following you, you just stepped out of the Mens’ room right in front of me.” He laughed and patted my arm and said “Don’t worry.” We got back to Stalls, right by the tech box where @torestoreamends appeared out of nowhere and we had a lovely chat with him for a few minutes. John is such a lovely, warm person, he’s so happy to talk to fans about the show. I told him that I thought it was great that the first show of the new cast had gone so smoothly and that I thought it was funny that there had been no technical hitches, given that there were so many on the 21st with a cast of fourteen months’ experience. He grinned and said “Because I kicked arse, that’s why”. So yeah. Sounds as though the tech team got a spanking for the screw-ups on the 21st.

And that’s all I’ll say about the new cast! I look forward to watching them develop and I hope everyone going to see them keeps an open mind and shows them the Potterhead love. I really think in particular that Scorbus is going to be sensational - even more so than it has been and we’ve all got lots to look forward to. I thought the ultimate test would be whether they could make me cry and they did. Happy Cast Change, peeps! x

[tillerman1]

TORMENT (pt.1) [to the page]

BAITING

Torment: A knife on a boil

The summer after my graduation, I was sick and suddenly TORMENT appeared. It was made in one stretch in an old "Latin writing exercises" which had begun at one end, the whole course of events just came, it was like a compulsion. When I finished writing, I read through everything, felt relieved and buried this first, only and as I hoped last writing in the spacious darkness of an old drawer.

How then TORMENT re-emerged from oblivion, was produced, reviewed, made into a screenplay and finally into a film is admittedly a remarkable but completely different story.

For this film, I had three hopes and I'm glad to talk about them.

1.) I wish that TORMENT became a knife on a boil, that it had something liberating to bring while I hope that the spectator would find it worth the entrance ticket.

2.) I wish CALIGULA could be exposed, cleansed, rendered harmless. Namely, there are many varieties of Caligulas, larger and smaller, rather harmless varieties or disgusting monsters, obvious or insidious. But in one thing, Caligula is always recognizable. He creates hatred, strife, destruction among people. He is a stranger to all community, lacks contact opportunities and natural compassion.

3.) I wish you could feel sorry for Caligula, as he is not the perpetrator of his situation. He is like the poisonous snake, the bacterium, a combated pest who by no means understands the evil he will accomplish, but who is always alone, always unhappily chased by raging furies, his own fear and drive to evil. If you look up the word Caligula in a conversation dictionary, it says the following:

CALIGULA: (LATIN = "LITTLE BOOT") B. 12. D. 41 ROMAN EMPEROR, SON OF GERMANICUS. C's BLOODLUST AND ABNORMAL INCLINATIONS SOON MADE HIM SO HATED THAT HE WAS MURDERED.

TORMENT

Film script by Ingmar Bergman.

This film is dedicated to Caligula and all his peers in both dead and living languages, Christianity, geography and history…

QUIDQUID ID IS TIMEO DANAOS ET DONA FERENTES. [Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks bearing gifts.]

(Caligula's first words to his class, significant to his character.)

Caligula is a man of just over fifty years. His appearance is by no means spectacular. He is dark, a little white-haired. The face is mainly occupied by a pair of rather strong glasses with large black frames. When he takes off his glasses, his face suddenly changes and becomes a little insignificant, almost frightened.

It is the case with Caligula, that he has a facade towards the outside world, a facade that he makes every effort to maintain. "Cat history" is significant for his human type. "If I do not bite, you bite and therefore I bite first." This has created an attitude of anger that has developed a strong aptitude: the stiletto-sharp sadism, the desire to see people tormented, to feel the power over them. Within this sadism, of course, is a white spot: "I'm not a criminal, I can not make a craziness for that." He himself is not fully conscious, he is one of those many people, who live half their lives, in a kind of semi-consciousness, where the external events only reach the soul indirectly and thereby loses its original hurtful and consuming effect but also the positive edifying and healing one.

The reason for this violent meadow attitude is based on a given feeling of helplessness which in Caligula has reached a strong (let alone pathological) development. Admittedly, it is dangerous to scold everything pathologically. Things that are based on undisciplined operational satisfaction of one kind or another do not have to be, but Caligula's steps show attachment, his intentional perverted desire to acknowledge his fear and expose himself, his disgrace to fellow human suffering is probably pathological. And if you try to see ahead, what will happen to him, he will definitely end up in a mental hospital or he will be admitted to an alcoholic institution. That he would take his own life is unlikely. People like him do not (they are too suspicious of the possibilities in the next life).

His relationship with the girl Bertha is by no means a Mr Hyde madness, but is precisely because of its simple, almost everyday facility so insanely eerie. From the beginning, the girl is afraid of him, mostly because her limited understanding and intuition cannot comprehend him. This intimidation gives him an advantage which he uses according to the thesis "if you do not eat me, I will eat you."

The "murder", which is not really a murder in the ordinary sense, comes to him as a deep, unusually direct shock, which also re-furnishes terribly in his bedroom of perversity. The relationship with the boy is similar. Sandman, for example, he would never dare. But he chooses this righteous, sensitive boy with instinctive certainty for his victim. It is precisely the category of boys in the class that he plays on and which suggests the horror in the whole class. The insane paralyzing fear that can only (according to my experience) break out in a school class under the guidance of an experienced schoolboy.

Finally, I would like to make a personal confession regarding Caligula and people like him.

I think they arose from a mistake of nature. Their sole task is to suffer themselves and to inflict other sufferings. There perhaps is some meaning with that.

But as human beings, they are unsuccessful, without development opportunities, without happiness opportunities, without real life. The most radical thing would of course be to kill them. Perhaps also the most merciful. "Feeling sorry" is impossible when it comes to Caligula. What you feel is reluctance, disgust, a shiver of discomfort, which introduces the small insects that wedge back and forth and disappear into earth holes under a newly rolled stone.

Jan-Erik Widgren is a boy of eighteen years. He is not unusual in any way. He is a high school student simply with all that entails.

Psychologically, Jan-Erik undergoes a development during the film. When it starts he is a bit swarming, writes poetry, plays the piano, thinks of a pure woman who will be his wife and in between he has a good time keeping track of the "lusts" that force him to do things that he views with antipathy and some resignation.

Through the course of events, he changes.

First, he is confronted with a woman, who provides him with a break in his nicely set principles. He is not in love with her, but at least goes to bed with her and gets up (to his surprise) without too much remorse. Like all high school students with a bit of Sturm- und Drang attraction, he is quite isolated, alone. He finds in Bertha someone who cares about him and needs him in such a way that it does not have to interfere with his own ordinary and very fragile puberty deals with himself. Therefore, he accepts her and becomes attached to her with a tenderness that she responds to, and which gives him a calmed body and thereby a certain freedom in the soul.

But little by little, this good relationship breaks down quite quickly. It is Caligula who breaks it unconsciously, piece by piece. When Bertha lies there snotty, drunk and howling, stands he with even company for her. He was never in love with her, loved her not and this new stress is their relationship not mighty to bear. It's breaking.

Slowly but surely he is driven towards desperation. The first rash is when he beats Caligula, the second is when Jan-Erik in wild despair rushes away from home. It is fully erupted when he takes his home on Bertha's floor where he hides like a wounded animal.

But the knot is not so tight. He is a normal, slightly hypersensitive, law-conscious but largely balanced boy and he lets the principal help him. He returns home, not longer collegian but something bitter, something sensible, with a feeling of how lives probably are damned, indeed sometimes run "on clean sophistication," but also is a good life with obvious meaning in the most as done. The final image shows him lying on the floor, crying, it may seem depressing, but is really the opposite. It would be worse if he kept quiet and bit himself.

He treats his parents like most boys of his category: armed neutrality.

There is nothing wrong with Jan-Erik, he will be a good man.

Bertha, the poor little life! There is not really much to say about her. She is kind to nature, does not really look slutty, but has started to ride a carousel due to the force of circumstances: "You want to be part of it, you want to live". In the end, she has lost count and with her slightly indolent temperament, she has not cared so much about it.

So she has become acquainted with Caligula in the same way as with many other gentlemen, through the tobacco business and its possibilities. Caligula has looked nice and so suddenly she is stuck in a yarn, which she can not get out of. Besides, she does not understand her new lover and what he asks of her and it scares her more than anything else. The fear escalates to the immoderate, mainly suggested by herself and she willingly allows herself to be mentally abused by Caligula.

The company with Jan-Erik gives her some breathing space and shows her who she is: a kind girl, who asks for nothing more than to have someone to like, to have a living person next to her in bed, to avoid being alone.

She suppers death itself. Drinks on Caligula's initiative, allows herself tortured, suffers from malnutrition. Her will to live kind of runs away and she dies almost at her own request.

I feel very sorry for her and wish that she had married some kind man and that she had had many children and a small decent home. Maybe it was her little adventurousness, inability to take care of herself, that led her downhill. In any case, she is a victim and I am now, if possible, even more convinced that Caligula should be shot.

*

The huge schoolyard outside the school. It is deserted and empty. A little boy comes rushing far from behind. He runs at high speed across the yard on the diagonal.

Towards the stairs up to the main entrance. The little boy rushes up the stairs. Stumbles, gets up, rushes on. Gets with difficulty and difficulty up the door that is big, big. Throws in.

Inside the door.

The large vestibule with the doors to the prayer hall. From inside, Bull-Jesus' monotonously echoing voice is heard. The boy (12 years old) looks at the wall clock that shows 10 minutes past eight. The boy swallows a few times. His bad conscience is unequivocal. He slips quietly up the next stairs and - the next. He tries to make himself as small as possible. A teacher walks in the corridors, opens the doors to the classrooms, and peeks in, opens to storage rooms, map rooms and toilets. Snooping everywhere. Moves on.

The boy hears echoing footsteps. He slips in through a door. It is the chemistry room, with a long row of large tables. He dives behind one.

The teacher opens the door to the chemistry room, walks quickly through it. Out again. The boy, crouching, gets up, sneaks up to the door and listens. Opens and slides out.

Long corridor.

The boy is contagious. Sneaks past a cross corridor. Stays like nailed to the ground.

The teacher comes in the cross corridor. He sees the boy, stops.

The boy leaves, rushing like a shot through the corridor.

The teacher turns, slips around a corner.

The boy turns around another corner and rushes straight into the teacher's arms. The boy finds it too good to start howling. The teacher takes him by the scruff of the neck and removes the offender.

A classroom.

The boy, still held in the nape of the neck, howling, is thrown down on a bench. The teacher produces the class book. Staring gloomily at the lad. Turns up the book, writes.

The stairs and the corridor.

Pippi comes walking pretty fast. The hat on the neck. The rock flutters. The white hair tests stand out. He walks past the "boy's" classroom, but stops, turns around and peeks inside. Pippi rattles off -

PIPPI: Good morning assistant professor.

The young, gloomy and zealous teacher turns his head and looks at Pippi -

THE ADJUNCT: Good morning lecturer.

Pippi steps in, looks at the howling boy -

PIPPI: What a crime this sad young man has committed now.

THE ADJUNCT: He's late! Arrived too late for morning prayer!!

The assistant professor closes his class book and prepares to leave.

PIPPI: Well, I did too.

The assistant professor turns around in a flash as if to say something, but is speechless. The boy stops howling and looks up. An explained grin slowly erupts on his snotty little gangster physiognomy.

Bull-Jesus fishes with his tongue for the loose man, who is about to leave, bending his head deep down where he stands in the prayer hall chairs.

BULL - JESUS: Aameen!

The organ breathes, sighs. A tall boy with nervous hands and eyes in the notes intones bluntly "Alone God…"

The school's 856 students plus teacher and principal get up like a man and sing with ho and hi and a certain hug -

SCHOOL: Only God in heaven, our grace and praise belong…

Grönstrand stands dumbfounded, stares at the hymnbook, then he pushes Jan-Erik -

GREEN BEACH: Devils in it. I do not know any Latin today… You'll see if you go there. I had premonitions this morning.

JAN - ERIK: Where are they?

GREEN BEACH: In the stomach. Boy! vikken diarrhea.

SCHOOL: For all the grace he has lovingly done with us.

BROBERG (sings in falsetto): Do not you think it sounds appropriate when another sings soprano?

Östergren stands with the Latin grammar in full swing -

ÖSTERGREN: Shut up. I'm studying. Do not bother me! Volo, nolo, malo, cupio, juvo, studeo…

SCHOOL: He gave the earth - great joy and peace…

Bergman and Krefler.

BERGMAN: Tira on the little home sadist Caligula.

Caligula treads up and down. Cranks a little with his left arm as if he had rheumatism in it.

BERGMAN: He has rheumatism today.

KREFLER: Does he get cool. Jojo!

BERGMAN: Cool… He becomes sublime.

SCHOOL: And man may well rejoice at -

Sandman, bald, burning eyes, strange revelation, lying with rapture.

SANDMAN: You see, another became quite familiar when the donna said that she had fallen on a dumpling.

Göterström, small, glasses, impressed -

GÖTERSTRÖM: Oh, oh you.

SANDMAN: You know… stabbe, you have not intended to be… yet…

Sång-Pelle stands with closed eyes, hands on his stomach, happy. Singing so it thumps -

SCHOOL + SONG - PELLE: God's eternally good viiljaaaaaa…

The prayer hall.

Everyone's heads are bowed at Bull-Jesus' initiative. Dead quiet.

Two schoolboys lean together and pretend to sleep. Panorama. One stuffs the textbook into his pants. Another stops carving on the bench with his penknife. A third wakes up to where he has been standing and dropped the hymnal on the floor.

There will be a break-up signal.

Long lines of trains now, row after bench, row after bench, out of the prayer hall.

At the door are two teachers.

Each student who passes by shows their book of psalms. Then comes one - no hymnal -

TEACHER I: No hymnal.

STUDENT: Mine is stolen.

TEACHER 2: At least do not lie. Watched.

The student is joined to a small cluster of other individuals -

STUDENT 1: Will it stick?

Student 1. does not answer. Just make a very ugly and very grimace.

The train of students.

Faces in long lines. Characteristic, intense. Lots of faces. The huge stairwell. Lots of boys outside the classrooms. The bells are ringing. The stairwell quickly becomes empty. There will be teachers. They enter the classrooms, whose door closes. It's getting quieter and quieter.

Shoots and noise, whistles and screams. Neck.

It is quiet and empty everywhere.

The classroom.

It's pretty quiet. All 25 students sit still, waiting. The ceiling lights are on. The day is gray outside, the rain is pouring down along the three large windows. Panorama. Caligula in the chair.

He gets up. Goes quietly and easily. Gets the stylus. Goes through class. Speaks so slowly and low -

CALIGULA: I do not intend to put my fingers in between. Do you disregard me so - disregard - I - you. (pause) Do you want it un-nice-so so happy for me.

Up with the stylus straight into the view of the pimple and hart when horror hypnotized Grönstrand. Poke with the stick against his larynx -

CALIGULA: Maybe Mr Grönstrand would like to continue.

Green beach sighs. He bends his pimpled and constantly worried face over the text and reads with a high and low voice -

GREEN BEACH: After Fabius Maximums had thus broken up, the army marched for ten days, after which it encamped on the river Igas. The non-commissioned officers were called to the consul's tent, where he appointed them… where he appointed them… with att unless the campaign plan would and then, however, it would not be incompatible… that they… that they ida unless…

Grönstrand bends his face, his eyes are confused, scared, he has a shiny face.

Caligula stands still and then he starts pulling his fingers, one after the other, slowly -

GRÖNSTRAND: I could not get this sentence out of the lecturer.

CALIGULA: Well.

Caligula pulls at his fingers. The class is tense, quiet. The rain rushes against the windows -

CALIGULA: Then maybe Mr Grönstrand wants to start on the next sentence?

Grönstrand makes a valiant attempt to bluff. He's starting healthy -

GRÖNSTRAND: This seemed to be the legacies… and then… individually… among themselves… but this in spite of if not…

Dead quiet. Mot Caligula.

He takes his hand to his glasses, straightens them. Sits in the chair, leans forward, puts his hands under his chin -

CALIGULA: Grönstrand has not opened the books until today. (pause) (chops hard) At least not where the lesson was. (smiles)

Around Grönstrand.

Some strained giggles from the surrounding -

CALIGULA: I will give Grönstrand an opportunity for reflection. - Mr Widgren continues.

Jan-Erik jerks, starts looking among the lines, finds, starts a little choppy -

JAN - ERIK: This seemed to the legacies to be a good task.

CALIGULA (breaks off): It says so… Karling?

Karling sits just behind Jan-Erik -

MAN: Prediction.

CALIGULA: Continue.

JAN - ERIK: A good prediction. And after they had consulted among themselves, they agreed that a great gift should be given to…

Caligula breaks off. Rappt -

CALIGULA: Can Mr Jan-Erik Widgren not speak Swedish.

Jan-Erik looks up, licks his mouth, tiger -

CALIGULA: It's not called giving a gift… It's bad Swedish (fast). What's the name, Mr. Widgren?

Jan-Erik stares in front of him. Staring and thinking. The brain has locked up. Dead quiet.

Caligula gets up from the chair, with the stylus in hand, and walks quietly and slowly down the room towards Jan-Erik. He pokes with the stick on Jan-Erik's neck -

CALIGULA: It's to be thought of quickly.

Turns around in a flash -

CALIGULA: Power!

Ström, a round boy with mild, melancholy eyes, takes his finger out of his nose, terrified -

POWER: Hand over a gift!

Caligula again. He smiles a little wickedly, cheerfully -

CALIGULA: Has Mr Widgren heard that before?

Widgren. He grins silly -

WIDGREN: Yes, yes.

CALIGULA (suddenly scornful): Yes, of course yes. Continue.

WIDGREN: They appeared before Caesar and assured that they were ready.

CALIGULA: Thank you. That was where we had.

The class sighs in relief. Jan-Erik corrects himself. But the deadline will be short.

Caligula begins to go up and down between the benches quite quickly.

Questions and answers come like machine gun mats -

CALIGULA: Prepare some joy, Widgren!

Jan-Erik -

JAN - ERIK: Afficere aliquem laetitia.

CALIGULA: Give someone fear.

JAN - ERIK: In iqu aliquem timore.

Caligula. He stops -

CALIGULA: Submit.

Jan-Erik can not speak -

JAN - ERIK: In…

CALIGULA: Now!

JAN - ERIK: Inject.

Caligula swings the stylus around so it whistles in the air.

CALIGULA: Someone was whispering. Genitive in impersonal verbs. Example.

Cross. Kreutz, calm, turns his head. Easy going, straightforward.

KREUTZ: Miser, penis girl, pillow, taedet.

Caligula. Kreutz's way teases him -

CALIGULA: Skona, Karlsson.

Karlsson -

KARLSSON: Parco, pepper, parsum, parcere.

Caligula. He now lets the pointer wiggle around in a chorus -

CALIGULA: Skin, Bokstedt.

Bokstedt is taken by surprise -

BOKSTEDT: Plango, plantisi.

CALIGULA: Wrong. Bergström.

BERGSTRÖM: Plano, planxi, planctum, plangere.

Caligula walks up to Widgren, stands behind him -

CALIGULA: Caesar hostem agressus devicit. Widgren.

He puts the stick between the shoulder blades of Widgren -

WIDGREN: Caesar attacked and defeated the enemy.

Responds without turning his head. Holds the desk tightly -

CALIGULA: Example of what.

WIDGREN: Participal construction.

CALIGULA: Which of them.

WIDGREN: Participium conjunctum. It is a predicative attribute.

CALIGULA: To what.

JAN - ERIK (stonewalls).

Caligula turns around and sits down on the desk right in front of Jan-Erik -

CALIGULA: Didn't Mr Widgren read his homework?

Jan-Erik stares Caligula straight in the eye -

JAN - ERIK: Yes, I have.

CALIGULA: I think (whisper) I think Mr Widgren - lying!

JAN - ERIK: No, I do not!

CALIGULA: Not that.

Caligula.

He stares at Jan-Erik with his eyes enlarged by glasses.

Silence.

Jan-Erik.

He stares back. Excessively tense, but not really scared.

JAN - ERIK: No!

Caligula gets up. He goes one stroke upwards towards the board -

CALIGULA: Well. Yes.

Turns around. Throws out -

CALIGULA: At which verbs is the genitive?

Jan-Erik is, as it were, gripped by an icy fear. But he sticks together.

JAN - ERIK: By verbs that mean remind, remember, forget, accuse, convince, judge, acquit. In business verbs.

CALIGULA: Example.

JAN - ERIK: Aestimo.

Caligula looks at Jan-Erik. Nods interested -

CALIGULA: Well!

JAN - ERIK: Facio, duco, puto.

Caligula as above -

CALIGULA: Well!

JAN - ERIK: Camo. Mercor (tries) dono.

Everyone follows the course of events under silent tension. Caligula is slowly approaching Jan-Erik. Dead quiet.

CALIGULA: Mr Widgren still believes that Mr Widgren knows his lesson.

JAN - ERIK: I knew it then yesterday.

CALIGULA: Mr Widgren is lazy. Mr. Widgren ignores me and my homework.

JAN - ERIK: No, I do not.

Caligula has now passed Widgren. And is at the bottom of the classroom.

CALIGULA: Well! Not. Look up the book. Start with today's lesson.

Suddenly slams with the stylus into an empty desk with all its might -

CALIGULA: FAST. FAST!

Jan-Erik and Caligula in the background.

JAN - ERIK: For three days the battle raged. Finally, the Romans made a storm attack…

Caligula sneaks silently on his toes behind Jan-Erik and leans over him and squints in his book -

JAN - ERIK:… and chased Hannibal's troops on the run. A large number of soldiers were captured…

Caligula bends down at lightning speed, slams his hand over the book, picks it up. Raises it in the air. Long silence.

Jan-Erik's face.

It kind of pulls together. His eyes crawl into his skull.

Sandman. Stare, dumb.

Grönstrand narrows his eyebrows in a childishly desperate grimace.

Caligula and Jan-Erik.

Caligula speaks softly -

CALIGULA: What is this!

Caligula looks around the class in silence. So -

CALIGULA: Mr Widgren uses unauthorized aids.

JAN - ERIK (low): Forgot to erase.

Caligula raises his eyebrows, as if he were very surprised by the enlightenment. Plays a bit -

CALIGULA: Forgot to erase.

Speaking mildly -

CALIGULA: Yes. Of course. Forgot to erase.

It's done. Turns over, furious -

CALIGULA: Cheat my lord!

Throws down the book -

CALIGULA (continued): CHEAT!!

Caligula slowly ascends to the chair. Fixes the glasses, stares sadly in front of him -

CALIGULA: Sad to be forced to punish a student for this criminal act two months before the student, fourteen days before the writing.

Turns up the classbook -

CALIGULA: It's very sad. Very.

Jan-Erik.

There is hot despair in his eyes. It's quiet. The only thing that can be heard is the rasp of the pen in the class book.

Caligula.

He hits the book again. Corrects the glasses -

CALIGULA: I'll talk to the principal (pause). We probably get to do a lot with each other, Jan-Erik Widgren.

It's ringing -

CALIGULA: Good dinner.

Caligula slips out.

There is violent excitement in the class -

SANDMAN: Such a potty.

GREEN BEACH: You would snap the ace alive.

Students start packing their books. And walk to the door. They are still occupied by Caligula.

Sandman throws himself backwards -

BERGSTRÖM (throws out - his eyes glow in his skull): Sadist.

SANDMAN: It's damn good for me when you get this misery. Then you should slag. Oh what to slag and crib and live the roll and give shiny it in this facility. Come Widgren, we'll go and buy crackers.

They go out.

Widgren and Sandman.

Göterström sits and digs with his spindly hands in his hair. Speaks low to himself -

GÖTERSTRÖM: I will get a life-size picture of him and then I will stick my eyes out at him and then I will shoot at him. Latingrammatics…

He produces it -

GÖTERSTRÖM: I will have Latingrammatics as dass paper if it is suitable for it.

The tobacco business.

Jan-Erik and Sandman come in.

A newspaper-reading gentleman is standing in front of the shop -

SANDMAN: Hello my sweet Carmen.

Bertha turns around, laughs -

BERTHA: What should it be. A coal. You know I'm not allowed to sell tobacco to schoolboys.

SANDMAN: Will buy for dad.

BERTHA: What did he say!

SANDMAN: Bäh.

Sandman extends a courtesy hand and fingers on Bertha (properly treated) -

BERTHA: Wow. Do not.

Jan-Erik is noticeably embarrassed -

JAN - ERIK: Sandman. Can't we go, huh!

Bertha and Sandman laugh.

The door opens and Caligula enters.

Sandman speaks a little forced -

SANDMAN: It was an Allers yes, miss.

BERTHA: Go ahead.

SANDMAN: Thank you. Good afternoon.

Both boys greet measuredly and disappear out of the store.

Caligula looks after them.

It's quiet for a while. Caligula looks annoyed at the newspaper-reading gentleman -

CALIGULA: Havana II.

Bertha brings out the requested -

CALIGULA: And then a little box of Virginia.

Bertha brings it out. She seems nervous -

CALIGULA: Do you want to be kind and cut it up. I have such bad hands, so clumsy.

BERTHA: Yes, of course. Certainly.

She cuts. Cut a small scratch in the hand -

CALIGULA: Oh, let's see. Did nine is bad.

He takes her hand. Squeezes out little blood. Hold it, look at it. Pause. Then Bertha suddenly shakes her hand. Pale.

BERTHA: Uh, that was nothing. Nothing at all. Was it something else like the senior lecturer…

Caligula. He shakes his head, staring a little silly. Then he collects his boxes and pays. Going. Light his cigarette.

At Caligula's home.

He pushes the cigarette into the ashtray with an energetic movement. He is sitting at his desk with his back to the room. Piles of exercise books. He pretends to read. Aunt Elisabet appears behind him. She is small, thin, dull, pale face, cold eyes with a spark of passion. She stands silent for a moment. So:

Aunt ELISABET: Why do you not answer?

His face bears traces of horror-mixed anger. He's silent.

AUNT ELISABET: You should not, should not be like this to me. It's still not right of you… I just want you well… Answer then… Say something… You have been ill, you know what the doctor said! … I love you so much… It's so empty, I'm so lonely. You are also alone… Not at all homely here.

The room bears sight of the legends. Aunt Elisabet is standing in the middle of the floor.

A handkerchief creeps wildly out of the sleeve.

AUNT ELISABET: You have never had another home... We had such a good time… Then answer something. My dear boy.

Caligula flashes. Furious.

CALIGULA : GO!

Aunt Elisabet closes her eyes, clasps her hands over the handkerchief -

AUNT ELISABET: That you CAN, that you only CAN!

Caligula curls up in the chair. He is furious, scared, furious…

CALIGULA: I do not want to see you. You. Go, go, go.

Now the first tears fall along Aunt Elizabeth's pale cheeks.

AUNT ELISABET: You are evil… evil. When you were a little boy, you came and said: Dear little aunt Elizabeth.

She sinks into a chair and buries her face in her hands.

Caligula rises pitiful, angry, humiliated, angry.

CALIGULA: Please. Do not cry for God's sake.

He stands handcuffed.

CALIGULA: I WANT to be by myself. I do not want to continue that monkey game with mother and son… It's disgusting, disgusting.

Aunt Elisabet shakes her head back and forth, tears flow and she sobs -

AUNT ELISABET: You lived in your little room inside the hall and every night I had to come in with tea for you and I had to stop you before you fell asleep. I still got to be like… like your mother.

Moved to the breaking point over her own voice, she falls into tears again -

AUNT ELISABET: Why do not you want to come back. I'm so lonely… You're so lonely too…

Now everything happens very fast. Caligula takes Aunt Elizabeth in her arms, pulls her out of the chair. She screams, turns around in a flash. But he gets hold of her again. Gets the door open and tries to push her out. Aunt Elisabet suddenly becomes another. Cold, bitter -

AUNT ELISABET: Beware. Look out.

CALIGULA: Get going!

AUNT ELISABET: You'll get this back. Look out.

CALIGULA (laughing): That's good. Then you can go now.

She twists out the front door, which closes again with a bang.

Caligula stands still for a moment. Then he walks around. Gradually collapses after tension. Stops in front of the bookshelf. Takes down a photograph. It represents Aunt Elisabet somewhat youthful and a little boy in a feminine suit. She leans her head against his.

Caligula's hands break the photograph in half so that the pieces of glass swirl around. Then the broken card goes in the trash.

The dining room at Widgrens.

At the dinner table sit bureau director Widgren, Mrs. Widgren and the little boy Bror and Jan-Erik, who is gloomy, very gloomy. It is eaten in silence.

Brother puts down his spoon and licks his mouth and looks under Jan's hair.

BROTHER: Hörru Janne. Why do you look so withered?

MOTHER: Little brother, mother has not said a hundred times that you must not rock the chair.

BROTHER: Janne looks just as withered anyway.

Jan-Erik does not look up from the soup -

JAN - ERIK: You should give seventeen in that.

MOTHER (mildly reproachful): Should you say so when Brother wants to be kind.

JAN - ERIK: Little boys would hold the nap when they crib.

Silence descends again over the congregation. So the bureau director looks up from his plate, wipes his mouth and speaks -

FATHER: How has it been at school today?

Jan-Erik is not looking there -

JAN - ERIK (nonchalantly): Good, I guess.

FATHER: Is that true?

It's quiet for a moment. Jan-Erik gives his father a quick glance -

JAN - ERIK: No.

The mother immediately suspects that something terrible has happened. She sets a compassionate, slightly complaining tone -

MOTHER: Something sad has happened. Say, what's happened?

JAN - ERIK: Got a stick.

FATHER: For cheating.

JAN - ERIK: How does father know?

FATHER: Your Latin teacher called me. The remark seems to have been justified.

Jan-Erik. He lowers his head.

MOTHER: Jan-Erik, how can you make us so sad.

JAN - ERIK: It was not cheating. I could not see for myself what was written there. I wrote it there during the italics translation, then I forgot to erase it…

FATHER: It's terribly uncomfortable, now just before the student.

The father looks upset. He has a wrinkle in the middle of his forehead -

JAN - ERIK: It's not that damn dangerous. (despair in the voice).

The father is silent for a moment -

FATHER: It depends on how you take it. You seem to take it relatively lightly. But mother and I are very sad. My opinion is that you got a stain on you. A tingling. Shall we get up.

The father folds his napkin.

The family leaves the table. Jan-Erik walks to the window.

Brother enters the hall again, where a servant is just about to set the table. He approaches Jan-Erik.

Jan-Erik has a hard time keeping his lip away. But he masters himself male -

JAN - ERIK: Well, it's not criminal either.

BROTHER: And you should not get bored of what the staff talk about. You know what he's like… You… Sandman is on the phone wondering if you can go to the movies.

Jan-Erik and Sandman sit at a café. Sandman smokes greedily.

It's evening. Sandman yawns -

SANDMAN: Really sleepy man. You would have, like the guy in the film, a nice, big and wide snark - such a paulun or whatever it's called, on the other hand, a nice jack.

Sandman smacks. Jan-Erik laughs a little, shakes his head -

JAN - ERIK: You say that.

SANDMAN: Gosse! And a smorgasbord and burnt and distilled drinks a lot. And the jack and the snoring.

Jan-Erik looks at his partner with a certain admiration -

SANDMAN: You would not get up in 14 days. Just slag and crib and crib and slag and use the jack. Feathers in it.

Jan-Erik pours tea for himself. Sandman lights a new cigarette on the old one with a used hand gesture -

JAN - ERIK: You're all a seven-part materialist.

SANDMAN: Yeah.

He stretches, yawns once again loudly and voluptuously.

Around Jan-Erik. He looks a little beyond Sandman. Am really a little embarrassed -

JAN - ERIK: No, you see, I see everything in a different way. I intend to write as much as I want and play as much violin as I want - when this whole thing is over.

Jan-Erik becomes thoughtful. Drinks from his cup and turns and twists it -

JAN - ERIK: Then with ladies and stuff like that… I'm just going to have one and her I'm going to be in love with

SANDMAN (interested): So you have nothing now. But that bean Lena or whatever her name was…

JAN - ERIK: Well, I'm not in love with her at all. Should…

SANDMAN: Love! You're crazy. Ladies are used.

JAN - ERIK: Do it. Not me anyway.

Sandman blows clouds of smoke and rings. Staring at the ceiling -

SANDMAN: No, because the one you should have should be clean and untouched and stuff like that. Va!

JAN - ERIK (embarrassed, but determined): Yes.

SANDMAN: Such animals do not exist.

JAN - ERIK: You say that.

Sandman teaches. High school student cross-safe -

SANDMAN: All ladies' hours are whores. And if they are not, then they want to be. Both Nietzsche and Strindberg say so. Miss, we have to pay.

The two boys are walking down the street. Then they stop outside a gate -

SANDMAN: If you come up.

JAN - ERIK: No, go home and read Latin.

SANDMAN: Caligula is an ace.

JAN - ERIK: I do not know. I mostly think it's a weird jeep.

Sandman takes out his keys and opens them. He turns around -

SANDMAN: You know, when you turn rocks, you find nasty animals. Caligula is not a really real pig, he is a nasty, poisonous insect.

JAN - ERIK: I do not think a human being can be just evil.

Sandman lights the candle on the stairs, they have a hard time separating -

SANDMAN: You're in high school. Wait boy. Wait, you'll see how devilish it is, everything. It encounters pure sophistication. Good night brother.

Sandman extends his hand. Jan-Erik tackles it -

JAN - ERIK: You think I'm very larval.

SANDMAN: You're crazy. You're the only person you can talk to. You can not help that you stick to ideals and talk about innocent women. Hi.

JAN - ERIK: Servant.

Sandman disappears at the gate. Jan-Erik turns and drives down the street. He walks strenuously with his hands deep into his pockets. He looks very thoughtful.

Another street.

Jan-Erik goes as before. Suddenly he raises his head and fixes someone in front of him.

A girl walks in front of Jan-Erik on the street. She sways heavily here and there. Swaying more and more. Suddenly she walks with one foot in the street and the other in the sidewalk. Jan-Erik stays. He looks at her unexpectedly.

The girl now stops and leans against a house wall. She emits strange squeaking sounds. Then she kneels down.

Stands on all fours, leaning against the wall.

Jan-Erik thinks for a moment. So he approaches the girl.

Touch her -

JAN - ERIK: How is it going?

It's Bertha in the tobacco shop.

She turns her face to Jan-Erik. It's swollen and she's panting -

BERTHA: I feel so damn good, so that's not true.

Jan-Erik can not camouflage his surprise -

JAN - ERIK: Miss Olsson!

The girl laughs, but does not answer.

JAN - ERIK: Can I help you?

BERTHA: Uh, shut up.

She returns to the starting position, tries to get up, but sinks back again, unable to move.

BERTHA (angrily): Do not stand there staring. Come and harass a lady. (furiously) Give yourself away.

Jan-Erik bends down over her and takes her by the shoulder -

JAN - ERIK: You're not smart. You can not handle yourself.