#the master & susan thing is soooooo.

[corallapis]

One of the other men laughed gently to himself. His dark hair was swept back, and he had a greying, well-manicured beard. The old man glared in his direction. Greybeard raised an eyebrow in response, still smirking, then winked at Nyssa, who couldn't help but smile back. The old man glared at her as well. The figure closest to the edge of the platform murmured an incantation and raised his arms, the others mirroring the movement. Nyssa followed suit, and for the first time realised that she, too, was wearing a robe. With a growing sense of unease, she also saw that her hands were smaller. Her nails less manicured. Her arms... shorter. “How interesting all this is.” Greybeard's voice sounded vaguely familiar, though Nyssa couldn't quite place it. The old man turned to admonish them once more as Greybeard spoke again. “Now, I wonder if — ah.” The old man froze, as did the other figures, and even the snowflakes — hanging in the air as if they'd been captured in a painting. Only Nyssa and Greybeard remained unfrozen. “It's quite simple once you understand the basic principles, isn't it?” “I'm not sure,” she replied. “Who are these people? And where are we?” “Well, from the look of it, I'd say we're on an observation deck at the edge of Arcadia, and these are some of the more, shall we say... free-thinking members of the Prydonian chapter. I always knew your grandfather was a bit of a rebel, but as for hanging around with this lot of hippies, I must say he's ever so slightly gone up in my estimation. Now then, if I can just get the hang of this time-shift —” Greybeard frowned in concentration. “I still don't understand what's going on here,” Nyssa said haughtily. “Who are you?” Greybeard looked directly into her eyes. “I am a friend of your grandfather,” he purred. His eyes were mesmerising. “And I'm sorry to say that he's gone missing. I'm rather keen to find out exactly where he's run off to.” “Why?” “Because we have... unfinished business.” Nyssa wasn't sure she trusted this man. “What sort of unfinished business?” Then, pointing to the old man frozen like the snow in front of them, she said, “And isn't that my grandfather?” “It was,” Greybeard nodded. “But all this was some time ago. Really, Susan, I expected more of you.” “My name's not Susan!” Nyssa said. “And I'm not even sure that's my grandfather.” “Then who are you?” Greybeard asked, apparently bemused. “And why are you — ? Oh. Oh, I see. Temporal balance cones interfering with the personality interfaces, are they? Fascinating. I wonder who you're seeing. No, you're definitely not Susan, are you? You're another player, aren't you? Yes, from later on in his time stream. Much later on, given the time it took for the interface to stabilise. Who are you, by the way? Another Prydonian? No, you don't look the type at all. I wonder if this delightful little device will give me a little insight into his future — or mine, even.”

— The Toy

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

I ripped up my pop-up laundry basket because I was so pissed that somebody or even the delivery stole my 2 boxes of pizza and the cheese bread off of our front porch and I paid dominos $30 for it.

I had to call them to see if he dropped it off at the wrong house or just didn't pay attention. Cause I came downstairs to check at 4:55 and nothing was there, then I went back outside at 5:00, still nothing....opposite to what my dominos tracker said.

And I bought this fucking pizza to make my day because I was so tired, depressed, and sick of being reminded of Jay while watching porn, changing videos that it made me cry because of how she used to sexually reject in the middle of us having sex and then would tell Ayunna to do my work just because I made one mistake or just really wanted to just sit there and watch. I don't understand what made her so non-interactive with me sexually even though she was the one who always initiated. And she acted like she hated the idea of me even touching in any kind of way without her permission, but it was okay if she touched me innappropiately or harassed me at their place?

She's a sicko, a sicko psycho.

And mom, not even giving a fuck that someone stole the food I was finna share pissed me off even further. She goes, "well, at least it will help you save money. You don't need to be buying no food anyway."

Bitch stfu.

And then Dominos actually thinking I'm the one lying about this. We've ordered food and bought pizza from them for years and this is the 1st time that we've ever got our delivery food stolen. Like wtffffff.

And mom knows good and damn well if I would have said that to her if one of her Amazon Packages got stolen, she would have cussed me out or told me to shut up.

She so fucking rude and I really don't wanna move out to no bummy ass looking apartment when I move out, just because the prices are so fucking in the area I'm trying to move into.

I don't wanna move to a different city with the same issue? Bitch if somebody steal anything from me, packages, mail, food, I pop the fuck off and mom was so nonchalant and passive about it, even when I asked her to check the ring camera to see if anyone took it.

It don't add up to me how there was barely anyone outside and the one day I order pizza because I feel unhappy, I get this fucking news and that bitches mouth.

Dominos gave me partial money back and kept the $4 tip. I'm still pissed because I don't believe or understand how can my food get stolen less than 5 min from what it said on the app, unless he arrived earlier than what it said 🤔

And nobody told me what time he came. He didn't even ask me was I alright. Talking about "well believe you this time. But we're not coming back."

Like WTFFF I GOT MY PIZZA TOOK AND NOW YOU WANNA BE A SMARTASS ABOUT ME STILL EVEN WANTING TO ORDER MORE

FUCK YOU, FUCK MOMS SARCASTIC, EGOMANIAC MOUTH, FUCK THIS HOUSE, FUCK THIS NEIGHBORHOOD, AND FUCK THIS PTSD THAT STOPS ME FROM ENJOYING PORN AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN BETWEEN.

IM TIRED OF THIS FUCKING JOB MARKET THATS SO DAMN CRITICAL IN JOB EXPERIENCE AND PROGRAMS.

BITCH IF I GOT 6YRS EXPERIENCE AND I GOT MY BACHELOR’S WTFFFFF IS GOING ON IN HR

THEY ACT LIKE 6YRS AINT WORTH SHIT IF YOU DONT HAVE EXACTLY TO THE FUCKING T OF WHAT THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

AND MOM AND DAD THINKS ITS SO FUCKING EASY FOR ME TO JUST APPLY AND WAIT FOR ANOTHER FUCKING JOB, ONLY FOR THEIR PRIVILEGED, SUPPRESSING, CORPORATE ASSES TO TELL ME NO.

IVE BEEN WAITTTTTING SINCE JANNUUUUUUAAAARRRRRYYYYYYYT MMMMMMFFFFFFFFFFF

SO HOW THE FUCK YOU SAY I CAN JUST APPLY HERE AND THERE AND EVERYWHERE IN FUCKING WACKED OUT MICHIGAN WITHOUT SOMEBODY SAYING "WE FOUND BETTER, QUALIFIED CANDIDATES"

Like as if my own life history on this fucking resume doesn't mean shit to them. Makes me think I went to school and did dual enrollment to get out quicker, for nothing 🙃

Wtf is wrong with this world. It's exactly why I say fuck Michigan economy. Now I gotta work factory just to even save up for a car, rent is high af, student loans finna come find my ass, and I don't have a girlfriend because I'm trying to wait till I have an affordable apartment and a car that won't break down on me on the highway in the middle of us driving to Vancouver.

Driving school is only $500. But in order for me to save up for a car, I gotta stay in a $600 or less place cause otherwise imma have to wait a whole entire year to save up for a car, the insurance, gas, and the maintenance costs by the end of next year...so no...fuck that.

With this fucking salary, I'm basically feel like shit because my own fucking friend who's middle class and actually stayed longer to get her masters after I graduated....is already banking a better job, work from home, and I hate complaining to Her about my worries.

And she's the one that inspired me to even go back for the masters. Because they treat you like secondhand condom shit just for having a Bachelor’s. Like it ain't good enough no more. Then when you try to apply to places for the experience that you needed to work another job that denied you, you still get denied by them too because they said your major doesn't match and why you wanna work here if you studied this?

CAUSE YALLL AINT GOT NO JOBS FOR WTF I STUDIED STOP READING FUCKING EVERYTHING SUSAN. I AINT GOT TIME TO EVEN ARGUE WITH YOU ABOUT THAT

it's like they really don't care in the 1st place, they just wanna know if you qualify and half the time I be lying about why I wAnNA wOrK hErE because yall cats read into people shit and judge them for just trying to make a living just to even have a place to stay and eat healthy food so a bitch can find better partners than the fuckbois and users on tinder.

I'm soooooo damn tired of being judged, mocked, criticized, and being rejected. And then the past mocking me about old rejections that I'm still waiiiiittttttiiingggggg for me to heal from. A year or nor, my heart still feels like it's January, thinking about everything and why did I block Jay when they reached out?

I was afraid that she would have just lied to me again, pushed me away even harder because I had already left, and then blocked me after. When I'm the one who chose to leave, I'm the one who is hurt, why did they always make it seem like my pain came last to their pain. Like it was always about serving them, doing what they said, what they wanted just because they were the couple, and took over every God Damn thing, and kept pushing me away, neglecting my emotions, manipulating and etc.

I don't even wanna talk about the same shit that happened anymore. But my brain does, my heart does. Because I remember everything. My heart can't make the pain go away, but I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of crying about it and I hate that people in this house can trigger my actions to tear up shit, scream at the top of my lungs like a damn scarecrow on DragonBall Z, I'm tired of mom triggering me to think she hates my actions and the way that I think say or do something she doesn't agree about or care about, so she comments on everything little thing she despises.

When I'm already struggling to be happy. She does not give a fuck. And I bet if I told her I was feeling suicidal holding that wire from the laundry basket in my hand, feeling manic so I strangled my palms, my knuckles, and squeezed the crap out of that wire hoping it would make me forget about ripping up that piece of shit hamper, and make the irritation, that need to strangle somebody, something to make this itch go away to attack my mother with my words and tell her TO HURT HER OWN GOD DAMN FEELINGS INSTEAD OF KEEP HURTING MINE, YOU ARROGANT, COCKY ASS SON OF A BITCH AND I HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DO TO ME. PIERCING IN MY FUCKING BACK, THE DRY ASS, PETTY ASS RESPONSES TO WHEN IM GOING THROUGH SHIT.

BUT LET ME SAY ONE LITTLE THING ABOUT YOU OR EVEN TALK ABOUT GRANDMA YO ASS ACT LIKE I JUST SINNED AND CURSED YO NAME OUT.

SO YOU GET A HISSY FIT AND TELL ME STOP TALKING OR TO SHUT UP.

QUIT TELLING ME TO SHUT UP HOE

I HAVE NO PLACE TO GO BUT HERE AND IM NOT FINNA SUFFER THROUGH THIS BY MYSELF. IM BUYING ME SOME FUCKING PIZZA AND YOU WILL NOT DRIVE MY ASS CRAZY AGAIN.

I'm sick of the ptsd episodes and I'm sick of waiting on other people to give me what I need, so if she got something to say about it, imma let her fucking have it. Cause I'm sick and tired of holding my mouth for her, and her ordering me to shut up, while she gets to sat however she fucking feels about each and little she feels the need to pick at.

Let her country, dumbass catch this heat. Imma bounce it right back to her and she ain't gonna like it. And I don't care if she wants me to just tolerate it anymore, she gon end up dead in her heart too if ever tried to kill me like she did that night in March. She showed no mercy, no remorse, and no she had not stood by her promise to make our relationship work as mother and daughter. She just said that so she didn't have to feel like a dick for her own daughter leaving her out the picture by going to her other mother, the one who understood her sensitivities and actually listened to my needs.

And that was Grandma Clara Jamison.

I hate to say it but, God why? Why did both of my grandma's have to fade. My other grandma don't even remember who I am. And If I talk to my own mom, about her mom, and say that she won't care to comfort me at all. She'll just angry that I made her feel bad because of my emotional response.

So I don't tell her anything. Cause my mom reminds me of how the terrible twins responded to me about being too sensitive, too emotional, to where they even blocked me and abandoned me. Made me suffer alone.

Just like my own mother is doing now, and it's driving my ass crazy. That she's them. Not my ex, but a narcissistic asshole, the bipolar freak who flips out and I can't come to her when I'm in pain, sadness, depression, or grief, anger even.

Because she ridicules me for having a strong feeling about something that doesn't matter. So she talks shit, goes away, or pushes me away when I try telling her in my most vulnerable state.

Which is when I'm crying or about to cry. I can't even come to my own mother about giving up and moving away to the mountains or a cabin or just committing suicide with pain pills. But she doesn't think about that. She doesn't think that her constant neglecting me, is showing me, I can't trust her.

And that's exactly how I did Jay, and walked away.

I'm there for you, but you're not there for me?

I'm out.

And I'm tired of just giving and getting hurt in return because you don't care about the situation that I'm in, nor do you care to listen.

So don't get all I'm ready to come whoop yo.ass or call the police on me again, just because I didn't answer my phone. You hurt me momma, repeatedly and you show out every so.often and I'm tired of getting disappointed and crying by myself because you don't come check on me when I isolate myself from you in the house. My back hurts everytime she does that, cause she triggers a memory that I can't forget.

I could have hit my head, got a concussion, or even broke my neck if I didn't catch my fall and pushed you back, because you decides that night Kylee doesn't get to talk. You came at me yelling and pushing and thought that I would just take that fall down those metal basement steps for you and that everything would go back to normal the next day?

Like that fight you had with Dad just last week where you punched him in his nose, screaming and cussing at him over you being in pain and him not showing you enough care. So you hit him anyway, then he puts you in chokehold and me and my sisters are supposed to just forget that anything happened???

We have to process all the crazy, toxic shit yall do to us or in front of us BY OURRRSEELLLVESSSS

My lil sister is 18 and was trying to stop a 6'1 grown man from beating yo.ass up. And on top of that, the same grown man was pushing me back too on my own chest.

But we're supposed to just go back to normal, assemble the stage, make yall two feel happy after yall so called talked it our when literally 3 days ago, yall slept in different places, dad at his dead moms house in grand Rapids, you at a hotel.room for a different night, and him on the couch after he came back.

Whyyy the fuck are yall so damn passive about this shit, but if I bring it up or even ask about Grandma, my ass get handed to.

He's not fine. Yall are not okay. It shouldn't be imma put my hands on you just because you pissed me off and you're supposed to love me tomorrow, no matter how much I scar you or hurt your face.

Like brainwashing, forced brainwashing to accept that shit is okay. as long as i never say anything about it, I'm not in trouble or receive neglect.

Yall are the most manipulative people I ever met. And Dominos I want my $4 back too mf. Tip should come back too.