#the thresholds are 65 and 100 respectively (i also took a bunch of other tests there but i won't list them all)

[ladyespera]

so i should have been finishing my citizenship application but instead i blazed through a bunch of online autism diagnosis tests (bc i've seen my friends doing it for months now and i knew that if i didn't do it quicklyyy i would angst over it for another 3 months)

in conclusion: first of all, for the RAADS-R test, i definitely scored above the threshold, and for most other tests as well. second of all: it went okay, but i do still really hate standardized tests about personality/mental stuff (i don't hate standardized tests in general even if i think they're not the best means of info gathering, and for some subjects i love them)(ie. for pathophysiology good, for literature bad). but it's just a constant struggle of second-guessing questions all the time, and to be honest, so many questions feel like they do not even apply to me in the first place, or are somewhat skewed by context/background.

e.g., do i enjoy social events/gatherings? well, usually yes! because they're so rare.

do i like having friends? yes!! bc i know so many friends who are also into my specific interests and projects that we can collaborate on.

anything academic or social related i think is also skewed by the fact that, well, i was homeschooled in K-12 and got to dive into school as much as i wanted and as much as was expected of me (which was apparently a lot, but, not forced?? my parent never hovered, in fact was quite hands-off, but they simply assumed we would take to it, and we did). in standardized testing in the 6th grade i was already scoring at a post-high school level (i.e. post-12th grade) in every subject, but i don't think that was any extraordinary achievement, that was simply a 'we must be doing a good job' result. no one in my family thinks that's abnormal, and i don't even think that myself; in fact, they (immigrants) would probably just say the US standards are abysmally low. i enjoy social situations now, but again, it's the social situations i choose to put myself into. why go to a social situation i dislike?

i felt that way about many questions - like, for example, can i tell if someone is getting bored by what i'm saying? yes, but will that stop me talking? depends. do i have difficulty doing something that doesn't interest me? you fool, i will simply make it into something that does interest me.

finally, there's age-related changes. as a child i used to be extremely scrupulous regarding scheduling, lists, room cleanliness, grammar, rules, etc. but as an adult i have loosened up considerably although i still like predictability.

the only thing that i find consistent is that i tend to have extremely strong interests in things. there wasn't any need for me to give my 9th grade teacher a cellular breakdown of how milk is created in a project on farm animals (listen - they asked how milk is created !!! it must mean on a DETAILED level right?), but i wanted to. for the record, the bibliography alone on that project reached 4 pages (wheeze). but to be honest, and i mean this sincerely, i am continuously surprised that this is apparently not how most people feel. to me, if the teacher is great and the subject is one you like, why wouldn't you? i wondered if it was instead that the class was just not the right fit for some students, and therein lies the problem - is it neurodivergence, or is it just the right environment that encourages specific interests? and, even if i am ND, i don't think i ever even thought of it while i was in k-12, bc i simply felt like all my 'eccentricities/interests' were encouraged. and so now in college i feel no need to hide anything. i would proudly march into my patho class in my flamboyant doctor who get-up or jedi robe - and then still do well. it does feel performative, but after all, i am in theatre for now...

i will say the one impression i strongly came away from in all this: my parents would probably both score MUCH higher on these (i have basically no sensory issues; my mom definitely does)(my dad is extremely precise and organized - but also, he is German ManTM).