#the way he portrays akk's vulnerability

[bird-inacage]

A First Kanaphan Gifset | First's Crying Scenes (as Akk in The Eclipse EP11)

God, First has so many phenomenal crying scenes in the Eclipse. The way his face slowly crumples into that initial look of devastation as the weight of what he's done truly dawns on him - a combination of panic, guilt, horror.

The split second later where his expression smooths over and you see a quiet and resigned acceptance at the trailing line of thought he's having - 'everyone would be better off without me', but proceeds to uncontrollably break down as soon as Ayan holds him.

First really captures Akk's overwhelming helplessness in this series. His eyes just scream 'I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do?' A boy who is being slowly but surely crushed under immense pressure, when all he wanted was to do the right thing.

[melto]

i think it is truly unfair to villainize thua. there is a very big difference between the issue of thua continuing the curse and ayan protecting akk but it does fundamentally come from the same place for both of them.

ayan has portrayed himself as a rebel who is willing and ready to fight against the systems of oppression, to only then protect the person who has been behind the curse targeting the rebelling students. thua was just someone who was remaining neutral because it was the easiest option for himself, to then be ready to risk it all to side with his community. ayan stirred things up, supported the world remembers from the sidelines and challenged teachers and students alike. he was such a major push for thua to get over himself and join in the protests. and then it turns out he knows that akk had been behind the curse (even if there was someone then behind him) and chose to protect him rather than stand his ground with his community, the people who have been suffering the most from the curse. it's a devastating shattering of ayan's image for thua. for him it proves that ayan is much more invested in his own self interest than the cause. and it's not like ayan is a bad person for wanting to protect the person he's in love with or to be focused on what he came to that school to achieve but it is a betrayal of sorts. to step back once things get harder and more real and ask for sacrifices.

despite homophobia being such a major player within suppalo, akk and ayan have not been direct victims of it in the way the others have. the world remembers have gone through so much heartbreak. they lost so much for being themselves. the rules, students, staff, and outside world punish them for their queerness that they could not hide before and are now choosing to proudly announce despite all the constant backlash they get. thua has been a constant victim of verbal and physical homophobia despite following the norms and keeping his distance from his community. these are things we see happen. akk and ayan had not been experiencing those things, and now ayan has decided to pull back from the protesting. it's us vs them, and suddenly thua realizes that he's not on the same side as ayan in the way he thought he was. there is a very real issue of lgbt people who are able to navigate life as "normal" dont stand with more vulnerable members of their community (this could be for many reasons and this post is not to judge them or speak on that nuance).

whether or not thua's choice to continue the curse is "right" does not erase his good intention. he's a teen full of shame and rage doing what he feels has to be done to move them forward. he's not physically hurting anyone, he really set out to just make some noise so they could get the ball rolling again. he is not trying to be a martyr with this and understands the consequences and is willing to take that risk. thua has been so silent about the injustice and he doesn't want to make the same mistake again or have his community suffer any longer. he and ayan are similar in that way, but they go about it differently because their motivations are not the same nor are their stakes.

ayan came in to cause some trouble and get answers about his uncle's death. and then fell in love and refuses to lose another person he cares deeply about because of suppalo. thua wanted to follow a path that caused him as few issues as possible. and while ayan's arrival was the initial intrusion to the stasis of thua's life, he was still ultimately radicalized by his own treatment and the treatment of members of his community.

it's not fair to deny either of them the nuance and merit they deserve.

[soundsaboutrighttumblr]

on sacrifice and activism - the eclipse

the eclipse meta - ep 11

I really like how this show’s portrayed and shown so many ways to achieve change through all the characters, and I don’t think it makes a point that one is less valid than the other.

Instead, it demonstrates how they are all interlinked and need each other to gain the momentum needed to have an actual effect, and carry the change-makers through it as well.

Thua’s recent break through is badass and ruthless and surely effective, but only Ayan’s approach and support for Akk makes it have that happy ending inside that strong group of friends that we are seeing.

I mean, Thua is willing to sacrifice. Himself, his career, Akk to an extent, maybe even his chance on a relationship with Kan.

He can only be this effective in his ruthless plan because he switches off his compassion for individuals, including himself, for the greater good, and the welfare of future and younger generations of students as he says.

I’d like to think he could choose to do so, because he could trust in the strength of his friends, as well as the support system that Aye has become to Akk.

Because Thua can sacrifice himself, but could he have for example sacrificed Kan if he were in Akk’s stead, and Thua was the boyfriend seeing how unstable and guilt-ridden and mentally fragile his partner currently was? And should he have to?

Could he really sacrifice Akk like this if he’d seen Akk like Ayan has seen him, at a very vulnerable point right now? Could he have lived with a sacrifice if that sacrifice was maybe Akk’s life? The point is he is not in Aye’s situation and only because of that he can do what he can do.

Ayan chooses compassion over absolute truth for the time being, he chooses the human in front of him and shelves radical change until that human is ready to carry the load of his responsibilities himself; because as he has experienced, it would cost too much, to force too much on someone in a vulnerable state.

Change is carried by humans, concrete and living, not abstract ideals; as is the cost of change, carried by humans alone.

So no, I don’t think Ayan was ever trying to hide or cover up the truth, it was just more important to him, that the involved got out on the other side as safe and sound as possible, so he gave Akk time and support, but never excuses or absolution from mistakes. Just fresh chances.

And on this base of mental support Thua could launch his strike and not have it cost too much of a sacrifice on his hands, as for example, a human life.

Change needs the ruthless without compromise, to really get moving, even though it hurts, but it needs the protectors as well, who support with a compassionate approach and care for the ones crushed inside the machine of change and resistance.

Because what would change be, if the most vulnerable would not be there afterwards to live it?

Activism has many faces and they are all needed and valid and important: the marginalized protestors risking it all because they need and deserve the change they fight for, the caregivers and emotional supporters caring for the humans behind the great deeds and stances, the ruthless who can make the hard choices, the ones who choose compassion over ruthlessness at times but still uphold their ideals and integrity, the ones documenting the truths of the activists and giving them a platform, the ones that push, the ones that heal and soothe, the changed minds dealing death blows from within a crumbling system, the ones powering through and enduring and growing in the wake of the momentary destruction change must be to allow something new.

They are all represented in this show and in the existence of the material itself, the show is its own form of meta commentary and catalyst in shaping, sharpening minds and soothing them too.

[vpsbf]

an unhinged eclipse rant!

last night's episode really hit close to home for me, I have been through a lot of the same type of experiences and it really made me feel some type of way.

Thua and Ayan hanging out feels kind of sweet since I think Ayan will be a light for many people in that shit hole, I said the same in my previous post about the importance of the eclipse characters.

Kan allowed himself to be around Thua again, he was sad that he hadn't been hanging around with him lately, and he showed him he cares and is also worried about him being around Ayan.

Ayan allowed himself to be emotional, he allowed his guard to come down when Akk was around, he allowed the most vulnerable side of him show and Akk staying with him showed how much he cared.

Akk asking if thr prefects could look over him instead was both for Ayan's own good bur also an excuse for Akk to find answers about him and use it to his advantage.

Thua and Ayan meeting Thua's mom makes me wonder what they were there for original if he wasn't there to come out? But also it was a stepping stone for them to talk and a bridge for them to start working on their bond.

We got to see Thua outside of school out side of his normal stance, we got to see his story and we got to understand him a little better too and we got to see Ayan opening up ever so slightly.

Another piece of the plot with uncle dika and the grief that Ayan shows was really powerful and Khaotung portrayed it with pure perfection.

The accidental kiss, the longing stares, akk rescuing him, Ayan kissing him on the cheek it's a sequence I will not be letting go for awhile.

In conclusion the eclipse is doing shit no one else is doing, we are queer and we will never be silenced!