#the yapperrrrrrrrrrr

[missholloween]

🎧!!!!!

OKAY I SHUFFLED MY UNHINHED OWEN PLAYLIST AND THIS IS THE FIRST THING I GOT. OH MY GOD

dust and ashes is probably my favorite song from musical theater period. Like, she's That Girl, no one else (haha, get it?) does it like Dave Malloy and Dust and Ashes is one of his best songs (which is a lot to say, because his musicals are sooo good). He's my favorite composer with Matt Dahan. Dust and ashes was my third most listened song last year EVEN THOUGH it is 6 minutes long.

Why is this in my (unhinged) Owen playlist, though? Because it represents his conflict during and post fall perfectly. It starts with an inner reflection of his life to that point– Was his life worth it? Did he live his life to the fullest? Is the fall a worthy ending to his life? I love the expressions Dave uses in the song, because there's so much negotiation from Pierre that I think fit Owen perfectly: yes, there's frustration because of his almost death some minutes before, but there's also genuine regret that he's trying to cover. Rage and grief blend in one, and I think that's the inmediate emotional response when Owen falls and is captured by the russians when he think of Curt.

This leads us to the chorus, that takes a different turn for me regarding Owen. Owen Carvour was a man in love before the fall, he had a partner that he cared for and he was the reason he kept going. Owen Carvour was awake, he was a god and he knew the angel's song. However, the fall takes everything away from him, forcing him to fall asleep and tearing away his divinity. That's why he feels so angry, but especially so betrayed, because he was used to the love and thought it had become a part of him... But he was wrong.

In that mindset we get to the verse after the chorus, where there's so much rage and regret of his previous life. "Now at the end all I know that I've learned / Is that all that I know is I don't know a thing!" The negotiation has turned into mere frustration and rage, not just to the world but to himself. Things should've been different because he should've known better! He should've done other things instead of waisting his time playing with Curt... But deep down, he knows that's a lie. That's when we get to (one of) my favorite lyrics of the whole song.

But then why am I screaming? Why am I shaking? Oh god, was there something that I missed? Did I squander my divinity? Was happiness within me the whole time?

First of all, shoutout to Josh Groban and his performance. Yes, I love Dave Malloy's Pierre and that's closer to who Pierre Bezukhov was on War and Peace. But there's something so... Raw, so emotional in his performance, there's a vulnerability very hard to achieve that even translates to the recorded version! I will never forget he was stole at the Tony's.

To me, the bridge is the vulnerability Owen had to hid and burry after the fall. Even if he doesn't want them to exist, the feelings for Curt didn't simply disappear or turn into rage (although many of them did). Deep down there's a part of him that still loves the man that left him for dead, that yearns for the person that made him feel alive, that would never be able to kill him even if he wants to make him pay. That contradiction, those mixed feelings, are what build Owen's character, and I think dust and ashes is a really interesting way to explore them <3

[pexelukive]

today is the day i start cooking

(scheduling months' worth of my anaden fanart to be posted here)

the yapping will come later but the art will come NOW :boom:

[thecosmicsailor]

Me when. The fucking yapperrrrrrrrrrr

(they/them for Jasper)

[jumped-for-the-yaoi]

me the yapperrrrrrrrrrr