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voightsgirl · 7 years

Text

tag game!

tagged by @chloeswans thank you my love 💛💛

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people (sorry i don’t have that many friends rip)

I tag: @writteninthestarsandthesky @chillmydude @riverdaleangels @sophiaxjesse @halsteadpd @e11evenseggos @caffeinatedkafreen @erinllindsays and yo anyone else if you see this and wanna join in i tag you

last

1. drink - water

2. phone call - my friend we were working on an english presentation

3. text message - i texted my friend to arrange to meet her for lunch earlier today

4. song you listened to - currently listening to waterloo by abba because i am cOoL

5. time you cried - had a total meltdown on thursday rip it’s been a really tough week

6. dated someone twice - lOl i’ve barely dated someone once

7. kissed someone & regretted it - nope

8. been cheated on - i mean,,,,,,,..,,,,,,,,,.........not exactly

9. lost someone special - yes

10. been depressed - yes

11. gotten drunk & thrown up - nope

fave colours

12. red

13. yellow

14. black

the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yes and i am so grateful for them 💛

16. fallen out of love - with a friend aye

17. laughed until you cried - oh my days too many times (usually in english class, which freaks out my teacher)

18. found out someone was talking about you - lol remember that time i overheard people proper biTCHING about me and i was like...........?? (it was lowkey funny tho because i am a NICE person and people know that and they came and apologised lul)

19. met someone who changed you - yes, actually in the last year i’ve met a few people who have had such a massive impact on me it’s unreal

20. found out who your friends are - omg too much

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - hA no

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in irl - all of them

23. do you have any pets - two cats sparky and olive and a doggo called lizzie

24. do you want to change your name - no although i am slowly implementing the nickname meg as opposed to megan bc it’s shorter and i like it

25. what did you do for your last birthday - uh idk i don’t remember,,,,,,,,,? it was easter sunday i’m p sure (or maybe that was the year before) idk i probably went to a movie or soemthing? maybe? i literally have no recollection of my last birthday is that bad

26. what time did you wake up today - 9:30

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - lying in bed trying to sleep (rip i actually need to sort my shit out i’ve been running on about 3-4 hours of sleep every day and i can’t deal)

28. what is something you can’t wait for - i’m going to austria tomorrow to ski and i am SO EXCITED even though i have to leave home at 5am

29. what are you listening to right now - there she goes by the las because bOP

30. have you ever talked to a person named tom - my history teacher is called tom does that count??? oh wait no yes i know loads of toms

31. something that’s getting on your nerves - the fact that i have to write an entire fuckin 5000 word dissertation by next week but i am so crazy busy and i am never ever gonna get it done

32. most visited website - no joke either thesaurus.com or wordreference (a level english and french be like)

33. hair colour - brown

34. long or short hair - shoulder length

35. do you have a crush on someone - literally so many people tho

36. what do you like about yourself - i was gonna say that i always put 100% into everything but then i realised that i literally hate that about myself because it means i am exhausted all of the damn time so i’m gonna say i’m good at giving people emotional support. like i’m not great at giving people solutions to problems but if they want a shoulder i’m good at just being there

37. want any pericings? - i really want a nose stud but i have a tiny ass nose and idk if i could pull it off rip

38. blood type - no clue

39. nicknames - meg

40. relationship status - single pringle

41. zodiac - aries

42. pronouns - she/her

43. fave tv shows - chicago fire/pd/med, castle, one tree hill, gilmore girls, brooklyn 99, line of duty, absentia, how to get away with murder, probably more that i can’t think of rn

44. tattoos - i want a cross on my inner wrist and also a bible verse (either philippians 4:13 or romans 8:1 i’m not sure yet). also maybe some flowers i love flowers

45. right or left handed - right

46. ever had surgery - nope

47. piercings - just ear lobes

48. sport - i go to the gym a lot i like doing push ups and trx and spin and that kind of thing but i suck at team games

49. vacation - where i’ve been? gah idk lets see.....france, spain, italy, switzerland, germany, portugal, netherlands, all the countries in the uk, sweden, denmark, hong kong, usa, australia, turks & caicos islands.....going to austria tomorrow and hungary in the summer (and hk again to visit family!!) and i would love love love to go to india and lebanon and canada and iceland and norway

50. trainers - what ones i have?? currently mine are chewed up messes by my pup soooo none??

more general

51. eating - i just had a weird leftover meal of rice and couscous and curry sauce and beef stew rip to clear the cupboards before tomorrow

52. drinking - fizzy water

53. I’m about to watch - nothin i need to get to bed its 10pm but i need sleep

54. waiting for - myself to get my shit together and sort out my head

55. want - to get my shit together

56. get married - yeah one day

57. career - i want to be an english teacher yeet

which is better

58. hugs or kisses - hugs

59. lips or eyes - eyes

60. shorter or taller - i mean if anyone is shorter than me they’re quite substantially below average so imma go taller

61. older or younger - don’t care aha

62. nice arms or stomach - arms

63. hookup or relationship - uh at the moment? i don’t even think about that kind of thing because dude i don’t even have time to breathe or think about myself soooo imma pass on this question cause i honestly don’t know

64. troublemaker or hesitant - both

have you ever

65. kissed a stranger - no

66. drank hard liquor - of course

67. lost glasses - sunglasses yes but i guard my prescriptions with my life

68. turned someone down - yes

69. sex on the first date - nope

70. broken someones’s heart - i’m not sure??? i mean i broke up with someone but like,,,,,,,they deserved it?

71. had your heart broken - i don’t know i mean i’m a fuckin mess but not because of boys

72. been arrested - no thank the lord

73. cried when someone died - see imma sound like a dick when i say no but honestly i’ve lost quite a few people who were close to me and i couldn’t cry for a good few months, even years, later (i am an expert at denial and repression apparently) so yes but not in the way you’d think

74. fallen for a friend - yes

do you believe in

75. yourself - hA

76. miracles - yeah

77. love at first sight - no

78. santa claus - haha no

79. kiss on a first date - yes

80. angles - oh yes i believe in those good old obtuse and acute angles (i assume this meant angels which, yes, i believe in)

other

81. best friend’s name - jenna

82. eye colour - blue

83. fave movie - ooOooOooOh idk probably dead poets society because that’s a masterpiece but i honestly am not a very movies person

84. fave actor - sophia bush 💛

#tags #about #me

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you-make-me-wander · 8 years

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Missing you

Summary: Missing scene from 6x10, between The Kiss and The Look.

Rating: General

Tags: Fluff, Romance.

Read on AO3, FF, Wattpad or under the cut.

Author’s Note: A shout out to @bebethsas who looked this over because it’s past 5am here and I spent all night writing and editing and revising, back and forth between four different fics and my brain is fried.

“In a world full of temporary things

you are a perpetual feeling.”

- Sanober Khan

Lydia hasn’t left his side.

Not when the battle was finally over. Not when his father and his friends welcomed him back. Not when the Sheriff decided to drive both Stiles and Lydia back to the Stilinski’s residence because their hands wouldn’t part for anything.

She doesn’t let go of his hand during the entirety of the ride either, when the Sheriff has to play chauffeur so that the kids can enjoy the closeness for a bit now that things have calmed down.

Neither does Lydia disentangle her fingers from his when Stiles nudges her to get inside the house, then stopping for a moment in the living room as if he’s taking it all in for the first time.

Lydia definitely does not let go, and even squeezes his hand for comfort, when his eyes find a picture of Claudia on the mantelpiece. Stiles is drawn to it and picks it up with the hand that’s not holding Lydia’s, and for a moment neither of them talks. Not Stiles, who’s getting emotional. Not Lydia, who wishes she could take away their pain. Not the Sheriff, who’s still standing by the front door watching the scene.

But then Stiles braves and puts the frame back in its place because the present is not the past, smiling down at Lydia and she returns it with a teary grin that makes him want to kiss her. Instead, he makes his way to his dad and hugs him tightly again for good measure, whispers that he loves him because he knows he’ll never say it enough, and Stiles only realizes he’d let go of Lydia’s hand when the Sheriff pats his son on the back and faces the banshee.

“Lydia, would you like to stay for dinner?”

Stiles lets go of his dad with excitement in his eyes at the man’s words, looks back at Lydia over his shoulder and nods subtly - or as subtly as Stiles ever does anything - in a way of asking her to stay.

To his surprise, her cheeks redden. “I’d love to.”

Her expression is so soft, so shy that Stiles aches to touch her again.

“Then you’re gonna have to help me,” the Sheriff says jokingly, “because I can’t cook for the life of me.” Truth is, some boundaries should be established right away. While he does want to give his son and the banshee some privacy, Noah knows that this has been a long time coming, and that sooner or later things are bound to happen. Not with him around in the house, that’s for sure, so keeping an eye on them seems like the best approach for right now. “Why don’t I give you two a minute and then you can meet me in the kitchen while Stiles takes a shower and changes?” He asks Lydia, then turning to Stiles. “I’m sure you’d like that.”

Stiles nods emphatically in answer to both things. “God, yes. Please.”

Lydia’s grin breaks through and Stiles thinks it could lighten the whole room. It’s genuine, honestly pure, the same way she’s been doing ever since the two of them were reunited just a couple of hours before. It seems that she hasn’t stopped smiling since. “Thank you, Sheriff. We won’t take long,” Lydia murmurs softly as she walks up to Stiles and waits for him to move.

For his part, Stiles sends a pleading look his father’s way. One that rather obviously asks for more than just a moment alone with Lydia, but the Sheriff only tilts his head to the side a little and makes a face, gives him a pointed look with narrowed eyes and Stiles knows that he’s defeated. Still, when they part ways, all three of them have a contented smile on their faces.

Lydia follows Stiles into his bedroom and closes the door behind her, leaning against it. She watches in wonder as Stiles takes in his room as well, a room that she came to fear wouldn’t have him in it ever again. It looks completely different now. It’s not bare and dark anymore but instead full of light even though it’s night outside. Now it’s full of him, and his presence there is overwhelming to her.

Lydia has gone months without having Stiles in her life, in the reality that she’s come to accept and love and live in. She doesn’t want to waste any more time with fear of the unknown.

He turns around to face her just then as if he knows what’s going through her head, and Lydia can feel herself blushing once more, an almost embarrassed smile taking over her lips. Stiles smiles back the same way, somewhat bashfully, because while their kiss - second kiss, actually - was a moment of desperation and repressed frustration and raw passion all coming together, now there’s no impending doom hanging over their heads. Now it’s just them, a boy and a girl in love, paving the way to a future that starts now. A future that has actually started before either of them was really mindful of to acknowledge it, as if fated.

Lydia moves first, slowly until she wraps her arms around his torso and rests her head on his chest. As much as she knows that Stiles has missed her these past three months, she can’t shake how terrifying it was to miss someone she loved irrevocably and that she suddenly knew close to nothing about.

Stiles holds her just as tight as he did back in the locker room, kisses her hair and whispers repeatedly that “It’s okay, we’re okay now” and Lydia revels at the sweetness of his voice, at the steadiness of his heartbeat and the warmth of his body.

When she looks up at him and meets his loving gaze, her voice falters when she whispers. “I missed you, Stiles. I missed you so much,” she admits, because she had. And missing someone you didn’t know you’d forgotten about in the first place is already hurtful as it is, let alone when she actually realized that the person she was missing was her best friend, her soulmate, her other half. The boy she loves unconditionally .

She tears up when she notices how deliberate Stiles’ movements are, as if he’s afraid to cross a line they haven’t exactly erased yet. So she nods almost imperceptibly and Stiles cups her cheeks, stroking his thumbs feather-like across her cheekbones as he looks into her eyes until Lydia thinks she’ll melt in his arms. He kisses her forehead gently before pulling back and murmuring “I know” because he does. Because despite how much it changed over the years, his love for Lydia Martin has been a constant in his life since he was eight years old, and having known that she loved him for a while now of course that Stiles knew how much she had to be suffering with this.

And he wasn’t wrong in finally having told her before he was taken that he loved her. In firmly believing that loving Lydia and having Lydia love him back the same would be enough to bring him back from the Wild Hunt, and it was.

Stiles catches her stray tears, unaware that he’d started crying himself from how charged the moment is until Lydia cups his cheeks as well.

Stiles thinks time stills. Lydia thinks time is passing by all too fast.

She cups his chin and Stiles lets his forehead rest against hers for a minute as they breathe each other in, lips so close yet not touching, eyes never leaving the other’s. His arms wrap around her waist to pull her closer just when Lydia shortens the distance between them for a kiss that in any other occasion Stiles would consider chaste. Now he’s mostly unbelieving of just how much Lydia Martin is in love with him.

The kiss is tender and short, barely a graze of lips, his face in her hands and he can tell that Lydia is just as slightly reticent about truly giving in as he is. Because one thing was when the sole reason she kissed him was to stop his panic attack, regardless of how that moment changed how she saw him from then on; another when the kiss had been urgent, desperate, an inevitable moment of passion from the months and years of frustrations and the angst and hurt from the past few months. Now this is a new kiss, one that means that things are changing again and they’ll both have to figure out just quite how much.

As it turns out it’s pretty simple, for a change. Stiles pulls back and wets his lips reflexively, eyes locked on hers so of course he notices when her gaze fixes on his mouth, her lower lip trapped between her teeth invitingly. When her eyes wander up to his again, Lydia gives him one of the most beautiful little smiles he’ll ever see on her even though her eyes are still wet, as well as her cheeks. But she’s looking at him as enamored as he’s ever seen her and it’s warming, and new and exciting all at once so Stiles takes the chance with a bright smile of his own.

Stiles releases her lower lip from her ministrations with his left hand, tilts her chin up and kisses her fully, carefree and not mindful that his father can walk in at any moment, taking the opportunity to deepen the kiss the second that Lydia allows him. Lydia’s hands mess with his hair as she pleases, as she pulls him down to her as much as she can to compensate for their height difference, tongues properly exploring the other’s mouth for the first time.

They part breathlessly and suddenly, as if it’s an offense that there’s lack of air in their lungs.

And then they start laughing.

They start laughing, and truthfully neither could probably tell you why but it feels right, soothing. A glimpse of what their future has in store for them and so they hug again. And this time it doesn’t hurt as much.

They take a couple of minutes to steady their breathing and recompose, kiss a little more before Lydia leaves him to his shower and goes find the Sheriff in the kitchen. When Stiles meets them half an hour later, Lydia is animatedly talking to is father while they cook and it’s as if she’s always belonged there. In his kitchen with his family worming her way in just like he does.

When Stiles drives her back to her house after dinner and walks her to her front door, he doesn’t hesitate in kissing Lydia goodnight as he always thought he would one day, and it only tops his dreams because Lydia actually lingers, because she’s blushing adorably when they part and has this same smile on her face that is still so new to him, shy and a little embarrassed and just of genuine happiness!

And when neither of them wants to end the moment but know that they have to - or at least that they should -, Stiles finally asks the question he’s been dying to ask her ever since he heard her on the radio saying that she remembered.

“What about us, what does this means to us?” He murmurs in between pecks on her lips, too selfish to let go of her just yet.

Lydia grins smugly, stops the kissing to catch her breath before answering and holds his hands in reassurance. “Take me on a date tomorrow and we’ll see,” she whispers teasingly before getting on her tiptoes, kissing his cheek quickly and disappearing inside the house.

He doesn’t have to wait until their date to find out his answer, thankfully, because the next day at school he already knows. He’s by the lockers with Scott, who mentions how it doesn’t feel as if things have really changed but they have, and when Stiles looks at Lydia he just knows. A few lockers down from his, she stops when she sees him looking at her and her cute smile from the day before is there again. So is the ardent way she looks at him as if she’s thirsty and he’s the oasis she needs to drink from, and Stiles knows the answer. He knows.

Everything’s changed.

Author’s Note: Please leave a review and let me know what you think :)

#stydia fanfiction #stydia #martinski

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winchesterdesire · 8 years

Text

Healing

Part 9 of Done Waiting.

Pairings: Dean x reader

Characters: Reader, Dean, Sam, Castiel, Crowley

Warnings: mention of torture, angst?? (I don’t go easy on you guys do I?)

Summary: Reader recovers and has to face a few inner dilemmas. (Think I’m going to stop doing Summaries…)

Tags: @dunne31 @morgeous-ren

Authors note: sorry for the lateness again. 10 hour shifts are slowly killing me. Stupid 5am starts. Anyway! Enjoy!

…………………….

There was only pain for a very long time. I couldn’t even remember how I had gotten into this mess. It was probably my fault. Like always. Too careless on a hunt. I was always trying to prove myself. Too keen to show I could do it myself. Some images flashed in my mind. Calm blue followed by envious green. My mind flinched away. More pain followed.

Was I being tortured? I don’t know. All the pain just blurred into more pain.

Then I was numb.

I sunk into the numbness like I was drowning. My world was dark and the only thing I cared about was forgetting the pain.

The numbness was a relief. It was relaxing. It made me want to drift off… and never wake up…

It was like being lulled by water…

Or floating..

I felt so… free

I…..

WAKE UP.

The words stung in my mind like a harsh memory.

What was happening?

WAKE UP.

That time hurt. I felt the violent jolt.

WAKE UP.

My heart beat harshly in my chest. Dragging my attention to it. Had it stopped?

A harsh scraping ripped down my throat. It hurt.

I realised it was air. Air being dragged into my lungs.

Sound crashed against my ears. An insistent beeping. Muffled voices.

A dull ache seeped through my very bones until my body felt like it was on fire.

There it was. That pain again.

Fuck it hurt.

My senses settled and it wasn’t so unbearable. It still hurt but it was more of a soreness that felt like it was healing.

Where was I?

I could feel things stuck in my arms. Hospital? We never went to hospitals. Hunters didn’t do that. How did I get here? It must be bad. We?

I was suddenly overcome with the events of the past few weeks. The beeping grew hysterical and I heard quick movement. I was definitely in hospital then. The thought was soon cut off as the numbness returned.

…………………….

I don’t know how long it had been. But I became aware of my surroundings again.

Slowly and surely, feeling, sound, and smell came back.

It was better this time. Like a weight had been taken away. There was no pain. No numbness. Just… exhaustion. I felt so tired…

I could see the effects of a light being on through my eye lids. The darkness, a kind of hazy red, with my eyes closed. My eye lids felt so heavy though and I couldn’t lift them. I didn’t want to. I was… too tired…

I took a breath, letting the air fill my lungs. It was nice now. Exactly what I needed. If I could just sleep, a little… I felt my body lying in a bed. It was comfortable enough and at least I could feel again. I shifted and felt sleep begin to claim me. A softness touched my hand, before I could think what it was, I slipped into a dreamless sleep.

……………………….

I gradually woke up, feeling for the first time in years, fully rested. I didn’t want to move. I was so comfortable. I was no longer in hospital then. Or was that a dream? I couldn’t hear the sound of machine beeping at any rate. And the smell was different. It was warmer. It smelt like.. well it smelt like Dean.

Dean.

I was suddenly aware of a pressure on my hand. I could feel… his hand and mine, our fingers laced. It was Dean right? His smell was all around me.. I could only assume. I heard him move and his hand begin to pull from mine.

No!

I opened my eyes. His head was bent. And his shoulders hunched. He looked… so defeated. I’d never seen him like that before. I wanted him to stay. Our hands were still partially linked. I gathered my strength and squeezed his hand gently. He froze. His whole body seemed to tense. He slowly brought his head back up to me and his dazzlingly green eyes found mine.

I tried to smile, but I still felt weak, despite feeling like I’d been asleep for a hundred years. So I settled for just staring. Gosh he was breath taking this up close. My eyes traced his face hungrily, just as he seemed to be doing the same to mine. At least that’s what it looked like. After the initial shock left his face, relief flooded his features. He sagged and his head fell, bowed over our joined hands. His deep voice reached my ears and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard.

“Y/N” it came out like a whisper and I had to be sure I heard it. I tilted my head on the pillow as he spoke again, this time louder and lifting his head to look at me.

“Y/N. I thought I’d… I thought..”

He couldn’t seem to finish his sentence, but whatever had happened it obviously affected him. I squeezed his hand again. I felt more like myself. I struggled to sit up after having been lying down for… how long had I been out?

I felt the loss of his hand in mine but his strong hands were instantly under my arms helping me to sit up. “Hey, hey easy there..” He was looking at me, concern etched on every line of his face. I nodded and rested back against the pillows he pushed behind me. “It’s ok. I’m fine” my voice came out hoarse and cracked.

“Heh, I don’t think so Sunshine. You’ve been through hell, believe me I know what that’s like.”

Hell? My eyes widened at him and he seemed to cotton on.

“No, no, you didn’t actually go to hell but close enough. Just.. rest. Ok? For me?”

I swallowed and looked between his eyes trying to gauge where he was at. His eyes never left mine and the longer I was silent the more worried he seemed to get. I slowly nodded.

“Ok”

His whole face relaxed and I felt his lips brush against my forehead. He pulled away gazing at me with an expression I couldn’t read.

“Rest. I’ll be here. I won’t leave you. I promise.”

I nodded again feeling sleep come over me. It was weird. I felt the most rested I had ever been and was about to say so, but the tug of sleep somehow was stronger. My eyes darted to the side of the room where Cas had crept in. Cas? Hadn’t he… some memories struggled against my sleepy brain. Before I could wrap my head around anything, sleep pulled me down into its clutches.

…………………….

[Dean’s POV]

I watched as her eyes slid shut again. This time knowing there would be a moment when she would wake up. I heard movement behind me. Turning my head to the side, I could see his coat from my peripheral. I gritted my teeth. Cas.

I still don’t know how I felt about talking to him. I needed answers from him, and y/n was fine now, but it was the fact he had let this happen. He must have.

“What do you want?”

“Dean.. I..”

I stood turning away from y/n, glaring at Cas.

“You apologise and…”

“I know. I want to make things right. I have to explain”

“I am done. Cas. I’m done with your half arsed apologies and explanations. Unless our lives are at stake and I mean end of the line, at stake, you had no right to take our memories and lie to us. For what months? Nah, an apology won’t cut it this time.”

“Dean, that’s just it. Your lives were at stake, still are. I was, am trying to protect you. You mean too much to me, to not try in any way I could.”

I was about to cut him off again when his last words reached my ears. This damn angel. He had been with us through thick and thin. And I owed him more than my stubborn refusal to accept his apology and not move on. I held his stare for little while longer and looked away myself. He was telling the truth, that much I could tell. Next to y/n and Sam, Cas was… he meant a lot to me. I stole my anger about the situation and took a breath, glancing round to y/n, I ushered Cas out the room. Closing the door behind me and looking back up at Cas, I leaned against the door. My brow slightly furrowed but now prepared to listen.

“Ok. Our lives are at stake. What’s happening Cas? What are we fighting here? Coz I’m struggling. I really am. Y/N is recovering from being injured in a hunt she wouldn’t have had to be part of if you had been in your vessel. And I thought Jimmy was in heaven man. What’s up with that? Is he sharing your vessel again?”

It was Cas’s turn to look away. He looked down and then back up at me.

“No, Jimmy is quite safe in heaven again. I only borrowed him for a short while. Even then it wasn’t really him, more like an echo of who he was, well in this case a figment of what he wanted to be”

What? I shook my head,

“OK, enough of the fantasy crap, I get it. You hopped up Jimmy in some sort of dream juice and let him wonder around for a few months. But why Cas? Come on. If it’s so damn endangering to us, where the hell did you go?”

He looked away again, but this time wouldn’t meet my gaze and I knew something was up.

“I can’t say”

“Oh cut the bull Cas! If we are in danger, I need to know and you have to tell me. Tell me everything. Whatever it is, we will find a way, like we always do.”

“I know. Dean. But this time, I can’t tell you everything, because.. let me finish Dean.”

Admittedly I had started to cut him off, but with the intensity of the look he gave me, I closed my mouth and let him talk.

“Because the knowledge is what was endangering you. You were dying Dean. All of you were. Wiping your memories was the best thing I could do. The only thing keeping you alive right now, is my block in each of your minds and even that is barely keeping you together. It’s an old angelic curse. I didn’t even know it existed until… when I heard Sam’s open prayer for y/n I realised that some of the ignorance was also killing you. I’m stuck in an impossible situation and I’m trying my best Dean. Don’t make the mistake you are the only one who cares for y/n. Or for this… family. Because that’s what this is to me, or as close as I can hope to have and…”

I didn’t know how to react. This was new. This was big. I suddenly realised how much Cas was doing for us and I was shouting at him for what? Actually trying to keep us all safe? And doing what I or Sam would have done if the situation where reversed. I saw he was beginning to struggle with his words. I spoke but more gentle than before,

“Ok Cas. I believe you. I do. We will talk to Sam and we will figure something out. We will. When y/n wakes up we can all find a way to get through this. Promise me though that you will keep us in the loop and tell us as much as you can without,you know, killing us.”

Cas nodded,

“I promise Dean.”

“Good. Ok. Now. We will let y/n rest, while we go fill in Sam.“

Cas looked at me and nodded again, turning to walk ahead of me. I rubbed my face. Why was everything always so complicated? I pushed off the door and opened it. I peeked inside, making sure y/n was ok, before following after Cas.

……………………

[Reader POV]

I woke up to a cold room. The comforting smell was gone and so was Dean. The covers that had been warm before felt suffocating. I flung them off and swung my legs out of bed.

I stood, but too quickly, feeling a little dizzy. I grabbed the edge of the chair that was next to the bed to steady myself.

I looked down at myself, glad I was pretty much dressed. Leggings and a soft t-shirt. Nice. I grabbed a hoodie, shrugging into it as I made my way to the door. Where was Dean? Or Sam, or Cas? I had my hand on the door handle when I remembered what had gone down. Holy shit.

How was I even standing? Cas probably, but that, that thought right there, got me. Why had I not known Jimmy was Cas? That Iele had practically killed me and Jimmy.. I mean Cas had done nothing. Why? Why couldn’t I remember him until now? I had so many questions. I needed to find Cas, obviously. Hadn’t he been in my room before I slipped into sleep before?

I came out of my reverie and opened the door. Padding down the corridors of the bunker until I reached the war room. I could hear voices. Dean’s, Sam’s and… Cas? Good. I needed answers. I stopped just short of revealing myself just in case they were talking about anything they might try and keep from me.

“….. so how do we do this then? There must be books or lore we can look at, that might have some answers?”

It was Sam. It sounded like they were just discussing an ordinary case. But the fact they needed to look at lore, might mean something new. Without waiting any longer, I stepped forward.

Sam was sitting across from Dean and Cas. Dean leaning across the table to talk with Sam and Cas more slumped down in his chair, listening to the conversation.

They hadn’t noticed me yet, so I huffed and made my steps heavier as I came to stand at the foot of the table.

“What lore? Something new?”

All heads snapped to turn and look at me. Sam looked relieved and stood, Cas looked at me with a guilty expression and Dean stood with Sam, his face an open expression of concern.

Sam spoke first,

“Y/N, it good to see you up, how are you feeling?”

Dean looked at me, ignoring the fact Sam had spoken.

“You should be resting”

I rolled my eyes. I felt too rested. If that makes sense. I felt the need to stretch and move. Hell even go for a run. I recoiled at my own thought. Hmm maybe a run was too far? But still. I looked back at Dean shrugging,

“I’ve rested, Dean. Really. More than enough lying down for me! And that’s saying something!”

I tried to joke but Dean didn’t even offer a small smile. I cleared my throat and walked over to Sam sitting down next to him, as I replied to his question,

“I’m good, thank you for asking. Now what were you discussing? Sounded interesting?”

Sam sat back down and glanced to Dean. I did too and watched as something flitted across his features. I couldn’t quite say what, but I ignored it, looking between the three of them waiting for a response.

Dean slowly sat back down. He leant back in his chair and ran his hands down his face before looking to Sam and Cas who just looked back at him. He sighed, his eyes finally meeting mine,

“We, err, have a case…”

“Great! What is it?”

I felt the need to do something, anything and my eyes flickered to Cas as I still had my questions running through my mind. Sam and Dean shared a look before Sam took up the explanation. Why was everyone acting weird?

“But we can’t know everything or we’ll die.”

I stared at Sam. What? I looked back at Dean and then to Cas.

“We’ll die? What’s going on guys?”

Cas shifted uncomfortably in his seat which drew my attention. They all sat looking at each other. I sighed and looked at Cas,

“Cas?” He avoided my direct gaze, “look I actually have a lot of questions for you anyway Cas, so please just tell me?”

Cas looked at me then, a sorrow in his eyes, I couldn’t quite understand. I saw Dean tense slightly. I turned to him questioningly.

“Will one of you guys just speak!?”

Sam shifted next to me,

“Y/N we have a… angelic curse on us…”

I turned to him incredulously,

“A what?”

Cas spoke up then,

“An angelic curse. It slowly kills you if you know certain knowledge, that heaven doesnt want you to know. It has only ever been used once in my long life time and never again as its effects were too devasting.”

Dean frowned at Cas.

“Yeah, ok Mr dramatic. Basically Cas wiped our memories in order to protect us, but when that went wrong, he gave them back apart from the bit that would kill us. So we could find a way to help. Right Cas?”

“Yes. Mostly.”

Dean glared at Cas and he stopped talking. Sam shook his head and turned to look at me properly, pushing his hair behind his ear.

“We need to find a way to lift the curse and I was hoping there might be an answer in lore.”

I looked between the three of them. They sounded crazy. But then again, my life was just one crazy nightmare. I swallowed, trying to take it all in.

“Ok, so what is it that is so dangerous for us not to know?”

They all looked at me exasperated and I bit my lip,

“Oh yeah, right, course. Sorry. So research? About the curse I mean, not what we don’t know… obviously.”

I sunk into my chair under everyone’s stares and sat looking at the table.

Sam sat up in his seat and dragged his laptop to him,

“Yeah, research. Until we find something.”

I nodded, lifting my gaze to Cas and watching him. I needed answers on more than one level.

Had he been occupying the vessel at the same time as James? If not where had he been?

I shiftef uneasily, still watching Cas as a thought struck me. I had in a way dated him… How was that going to affect us now? Having dated his vessel as James I felt weird looking at him. It put me on edge knowing that I had wanted more when he was James. Does that mean I had feelings for Cas? I remembered feeling attracted to him. I had stared hungrily into those blue eyes, stroked that cheek, laced my fingers through the short hairs at the nape of his neck, kissed those lips. But it hadn’t been Cas at the time. I felt a twinge of guilt. My mind flashing to Deans reaction. Oh gosh he must remember the bar too. That moment now had a harsher weight added to it. What was Dean thinking? Did he even care? I still didn’t know what Deans feelings towards me were! Crap. Unrequited love hurts.

The sound of a throat clearing brought me back into the room. I blinked. I was still staring at Cas and he was staring back. His head tilted to the side in confusion. I felt my cheeks warm as I blushed and averted my eyes. I flickered my eyes around the room to notice Dean looking at me too, a frown etched into his features. Eugh. Suddenly it felt too hot in the bunker. I needed out. I stood, almost knocking my chair over in the process. I stammered an explanation, as Sam’s curious gaze joined the other two.

“I.. errr… need some air”

I turned away awkwardly and as quickly as I could made my way out the bunker.

The cold air washed over me, bringing relief. I flinched as the door slammed behind me. Why did it have to be so loud? I closed my eyes and leant against the cool earth that covered the bunker.

Why was I feeling like this? I had never looked at Cas as anything but a close friend and just because in my memory wiped state I was attracted to his vessel, to James, I couldn’t shake my unease and suddenly had.. I didn’t want to call them feelings for him, but yeah, was I going to have to examine this? Would I have a better chance with Cas than with Dean? I shook my head. I felt guilty thinking about anyone else in that way. Why should I? Dean had never shown any reciprocating feelings towards me. Sure, he had shown he cared about me, but I never got the feeling it was in the way I wanted. Oh listen to me! I needed to pull myself together. There were bigger problems than my own feelings at stake here. Like the thing Cas had blocked from our memories, that was our number one priority. Not my shattered and confused heart.

The sound of the door opening and closing again snapped me out of my reverie. I opened my eyes, but didn’t look to see who it was. I stared at the road leading away from the bunker, when I felt whoever it was lean against the wall next to me. Our arms brushing.

“You doing ok?”

It was Dean. Course it was him. His voice soothed my ears and I couldn’t help but lean into him slightly. The wind blew gently against my face, revealing that I’d been crying. The cool air felt freezing on the tracks the tears had made down my flushed cheeks. I quickly swiped at my face, hoping Dean hadn’t seen. I decided to use a phrase I’d heard him say once in response,

“Yeah, just peachy”

I snuck a glance at him to gauge his reaction. The corners of his lips twitched in a small smile, but his brow was furrowed and his eyes were dark, looking out down the road like I was.

He sighed, shifting next to me. I could feel he wanted to say something. What, I had no idea. I decided to beat him to it,

“Are you? Doing ok?”

He surprised me by shrugging. Normally he would be adamant he was fine.. but not this time. I turned to survey him. He was still looking broody. I nudged against him to make him look at me. He dragged his eyes to mine and I was taken aback by the anguish there.

“Dean…”

“You could have died. In fact I’m pretty sure you did. I can’t… I can’t go through that again.”

He was looking at me so intensely, I had to reach out and place my hand on his arm. At once to ground myself and make sure he really was next to me, saying those words. He brought up his free hand, placing it over mine. I looked down at the touch and tried to gather my now scattered thoughts. What was he saying? Was he saying he couldn’t live without me? Because that was big, that was huge. At least to me it was. I looked back up at him, searching his eyes. I parted my lips to respond, not entirely sure what I was going to say, when the door wrenched open. Dean was still paying close attention to me, but I looked over his shoulder, probably breaking the moment, to see Cas standing there. Dammit. Yup, I broke it.

Something must have changed in my face, because Deans dropped and he hung his head, turning to look at Cas.

“Is this important? Cas?”

Cas stood regarding the two of us and looked regretful. He looked away from us,

“I’m sorry, it can wait. I thought… I’ll go help Sam continue the research”

Cas’s eyes flickered to me, before he wandered back in side.

Great, way to kill the mood Cas. I shook my head. What was that about? Dean dropped my hand and pushed off the wall. Moving to lean against the railing that lead down the steps to the road. I watched him carefully. I wanted to go back to the moment just before.

I moved to stand next to him, turning my face so I could study him properly. My eyes traced his features and watched as a number of emotions danced across his skin. He slowly brought his eyes up to meet mine once again. This time they were hard and guarded.

“Is there something between you and Cas?”

A week ago, I would have said no straight away, now that was exactly the question running through my own mind. I hesitated and he looked away from me, his hands playing with the railing.

He let out a dull huffed laugh, “Right, course”

He shook his head and I saw his jaw clench. I bit my lip. I placed a hand on his back and felt him tense under my touch, but I rubbed soothing circles anyway. If I didn’t say something now, I might lose him. I took in a sharp breath and steeled myself,

“No Dean, there wasn’t. There isn’t. I’m just… having a hard time processing the last few days. You know? And Im confused and scared. And… And Cas seems to be the one with all the answers. I just…”

I grasped for words I couldn’t find. Dean was looking at me again and it was my turn to look away. I took in a deep breath and wasn’t sure what would come out.

“You know what? honestly? I’m freaked out that I dated his vessel. Sorry, James. And it wasn’t meant to go that far. Obviously, I had no memory of the link and I didn’t know. It was only meant to be some fun and to blow off steam. And to make… I was just… so tired of waiting and knowing I meant nothing to…” I barely whispered the last word having rambled the rest, “you”. I bit my tongue as the words rolled out.

I held my breath, unsure if he had heard the last bit. My face studiously turned down to the ground as if it was the most interesting thing to me now.

Rough fingers gently held my chin, turning my face back. I found myself gazing into open, soft, green eyes, filled with emotion I had never seen in them before. Or perhaps I had and just dismissed it. There was no dismissing it now. I swallowed, letting my feelings for Dean, flood my own face.

Our eyes locked. I don’t know when, but both of us had gotten closer. I could feel Deans warm breath fan my face. His eyes were so green, with an edge of gold as the fading sunlight hit the edges of his iris.

My heart was pounding in my chest, I swear he could hear it. I was vaguely aware of Dean licking his lips, when the sound of the door opening broke through and crashed against our hearing again. Dean closed his eyes, when he opened them he looked pissed. He spoke and his voice had an edge to it.

“Dammit Cas.”

We both turned then, to acknowledge the intrusion. Only to find it was Sam instead.

“Sammy? What is it?”

Sam looked so guilty, I had to suppress a giggle. I was feeling giddy from what had almost just happened. I steeled myself and looked to Sam for an explanation.

“Err, well.. I just had a call. From Crowley”

“Crowley? What does he want?”

Sam shrugged, unhelpfully.

“Didn’t say, just that he’d be outside at…”

“Any time. Thank you Moose.”

We all turned quickly to find Crowley standing in the middle of the road, holding a box in his hands and looking like his usual smug self.

I tensed and saw Dean reach for the demon knife.

Crowley surveyed us and smirked,

“Hello boys”

He looked to me, bowing his head,

“Lady.”

I grimaced at him. Dean tensed and gripped the knife, his knuckles turning white.

Crowley ignored him, nodding towards the bunker,

“Now. Power down the warding and we can talk.”

…………………………

#supernatural #done waiting #part 9 #dean x reader #dean winchester #fanfic

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