#they have struggles and the body they're in can't cope with having 3 minds nor being 3 bodies merged at once lmao

[chubbidust]

esper reading

[michael---meh]

You're having second thoughts and I knew it months ago.

Body language shows alot about a persons intentions and how they're feeling at that present time. The last few months the jokes you spoke about being seperated hit a nerve in me. I looked passed it but I knew that was on your mind. You want to leave now everything is easy? I've managed to fix all our fucked up finance's so we could have it easy. But what happens when people have it easy? Thoughts start to wonder, you re-evaluate your life. What's working and what is not working. Obviously you noticed that I aint shit to you no more and I don't blame you. I have hurt you in ways noone should go through. I admit those times were tough and I was just looking for some happiness inside of me as a coping mechanism. Unfortunetly it resulted in you getting traumatized and I'm sorry for that. I had alot of reflecting this pass year due to lockdowns and everything and came to the conclusions those times were the happiest times of my life but they shouldn't be impacting the present and those times will stay in my heart as a reflection of the past and not in the present.

Life has gotten alot easier hasnt it? From 10k bills a month to only 3k. I'm proud of us for getting through those tough times and now we have the freedom to explore.

The reasons I "think" you're feeling this way and having doubts about us is because you're in your comfort zone. I am too at the moment. Being comfortable isn't living life. You repeat the same day everyday being comfortable and the only difference is the materials around you. We have been given the opportunity and been blessed with the income we make and what we have. We going to let it go to waste on some brand new car, new shoes, new shirt and a new phone? How many new things can we have until we're satisfied? I keep hearing "its never going to be enough" because its true. The higher income we make the more luxurious things we desire. So why not use the money for good? Put some smiles on peoples faces. Do something that has meaning and worth the effort and sacrafice.

We are suppose to grow together. Things don't just magically change and all of a sudden out of the blue I'm alot more attracted to you. I'm not saying I'm not either but there comes a time when we struggle together and get through the heartache we become stronger. Stronger and more intimate. "We've been through shit" "We've seen each other at our lowest points". This is the type of shit I love. We were broke and look where we at now. Just look at the accomplishments we made, the changes in these last 5 years. Struggle together equates to growing together. When you decide to stay comfortable it holds us both back. We are a team and a partnership. You knew when you married me I wouldn't settle for less and I can't do this without you.

If you do decide to leave cause forgiveness can't be given. It's okay it was my fault anyways and I'm truely sorry for hurting you in that way. I can't take back what I did and nor can I fix that trauma but what I can promise you is that these issues will stay as a memorie and won't resurface. I love you and I know your sneaky ass will read this :D

3-12-21